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Dealing with Dangerous Dialogue When conversations could turn critical Julia Steward www.chrysalisleadershipdevelopment.com

Dealing with difficult dialogue

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What are the golden rules for managing difficult conversations which take you by surprise so they don't become critical? Here's a 4-step approach.

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Page 1: Dealing with difficult dialogue

Dealing with Dangerous Dialogue

When conversations could turn critical

Julia Steward

www.chrysalisleadershipdevelopment.com

Page 2: Dealing with difficult dialogue

Aim

Identify strategies to minimise the impact of ‘dangerous dialogue’ – conversations that take you unaware and stay with you long afterwards4-step approach:• Recognising when things become dangerous• Taking control – of yourself• Seeing it through: helpful behaviours• Limiting the legacy

Page 3: Dealing with difficult dialogue

‘Dangerous dialogue’

Dangerousadj: able or likely to cause harm or injury

likely to cause problems or to have adverse consequencesmenacing, threatening, hazardous, perilous

Dialoguen: conversation between two or more peopleconversation, talk discussion, interchange,

v: take part in a conversation or discussion to resolve a problem.

Page 4: Dealing with difficult dialogue

Recognising‘Caught’ ……by loaded question… on the phoneOut of the blue

Not in control

paranoid

Didn’t expect a

reaction

worried

Difficult to prepare for the unknown

confused .. manipulated

angrycross

intimidated

fearful

Page 5: Dealing with difficult dialogue

www.valuescentre.com 5

7-levels of consciousness model

Know and Understand

Physiological

Safety

Love & Belonging

Self-esteem

Personal values

Making a positive difference in the world

Self-less service

Finding meaning in existence

Letting go of fears

Feeling protected and loved

Feeling a sense of self-worth

Satisfying our physical and survival needs

Page 6: Dealing with difficult dialogue

Fear …

What’s it for?

Page 7: Dealing with difficult dialogue

Danger!

body’s reaction is turned off by activating the parasympathetic nervous system which relaxes & conserves energy

increased cortisol remains until …

Increased sugar, higher heart rate, raised blood

pressure

Message from brain to adrenal glands

to theamygdalaactivating

sympathetic nervous system

away from here

Blood flow focuses on what’s essential for survival

Page 8: Dealing with difficult dialogue

What triggers your emotional reaction?

• Individually spend a few minutes listing situations/events that have caused stress

• With a colleague, consider an appropriate ‘antidote’

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10

Injunctions

ought

should

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Step 2: Take control

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Step 3: guiding the dialogue

Listen

Empathise

Establish what they want

Accept responsibility - carefully; apologise if appropriate

Follow-up - if necessary and report back

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‘No one can make you feel inferior without your consent’ Eleanor Roosevelt

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Step 4: Limiting the Legacy

• Process the event• Identify the learning• Let go

Identify and record helpful and unhelpful practices. What will help you to use one rather than the other?

Page 15: Dealing with difficult dialogue

Four steps

Recognising Taking control

Seeing it through

Limiting the legacy