Chapter 7

The first step in conversation. (greeting)

In face to face can be verbal and non verbal

In email can be verbal and non verbal

Open the channels of communication

(Example:- “Haven’t we met before?” or “Nice day, isn’t it?”

Preview Future message

(Example:- “I’m afraid I have a bad news for you” or

“Listen to this before you make a move”

In office memos and email Served in part by headers

that indicate the subject of your message, the recipients and

CC (courtesy copies)

Substance and focus of the conversation.

Business is a good term for this stage, because it emphasizes

that most conversation are directed at achieving some goal.

Fulfills one of the basis components of interpersonal

communication – learn, relate, influence, play or help.

Exchanges roles of speaker/listener frequently. (example:- talk

about new supervisor, what happened in the class, your vacation

plan)

Is the reverse of the second stage.

Reflect back on the conversation

Five dimensions of feedback

Positive/Negative

Person focused/Message focused

Immediate/Delayed

Low monitoring/High monitoring

Supportive/Critical

The ‘good bye” of the conversation

Combination of verbal and non verbal

Usually signals some degree of supportiveness

Example:- “Well, it was good talking to you”

May summarize the interaction as a conclusion.

1

2

4

3

5

6

Openness

Empathy (understanding)

Positiveness

Interaction Management

Expressiveness

Immediacy (closeness)

Definition

Disagreement between or among connected individual, coworker, friends, lovers or family members.

Cause by:- Interdependency Perceived incompatible goals Inability to set/achieve goals

Content Conflict Center on objects, events and persons Issues that we argue and fight about

everyday Relationship Conflict

Equally numerous (clashes that arise when younger brother refuse to obey his older brother, mother and daughter.)

A fight indicates a bad relationship.

Fighting damages personal

relationship.

Fighting is bad; it reveals our negative

selves

Increased negative regard for opponent.

Depletion of energy.

Close off self to the other party.

Leads to further conflict, hurt and

resentment.

Examination of problem(s); work towards potential

solution(s).

Each states own needs/wants.

Prevent hostilities and resentments from festering.

Shows ability to resolve conflict satisfactorily;

stabilizes relationship.

Age differences

Racial differences

value orientations

verbal expression of differences

face saving differences

Gender differences

Read the FAQs

Don’t shout (writing in caps is shouting)

Lurk (reading notices and conversations without

contributing) before contributing.

Be brief

Be kind – especially to newbies

Don’t send commercial message

Don’t spam, flame or troll

Before Conflict After Conflict

-Fight in private

- Be sure both are ready to fight

- Know what the fight is about

- Fight about solvable problems

-Consider what beliefs you need

to reexamine.

-Learn from both conflict and

process of resolution.

-Keep the conflict in perspective

-Attack your negative feelings

-Increase the reward and

cherishing behaviors

1. Competing: I Win , You Lose

2. Avoiding: I Lose, You Lose

3. Accommodating: I Lose, You Win

4. Collaborating: I Win, You Win

5. Compromising: I Win and Lose, You Win and Lose

Avoidance and Active Fighting

Avoidance – Leave the scene, actively or passively

Active – Full participation in conflict

Take responsibility for you own thought and feelings

Problems of Avoidance

Denial that anything is wrong

Problems remains unresolved

One person give in, usually unwillingly

Can build to greater conflict

Force and Talk

Force – Using either physical or emotional power

Talk – The only real alternative to force

Gunnysacking/ Present Focus

Gunnysacking (Pass Orientation)

Unproductive process of storing up complaint and then unloading

them when argument arises.

Example:- You come home late one night without calling.

Present Focus

Attempt to keep focused on present conflict only.

Face-enhancing and face-detracting

Involve attacks on the person’s self image, designed to embarrass or

insult the other persons.

Face-enhancing

Confirms the value of other, seeks to save and build ego

Face-detracting

Treat other as unable, bad, incompetent, seeks to damage ego

Attack

Includes personal rejection, belt-lining and more

Acceptance

Expresses positive feelings towards the other person, a critical factor in

the survival of a relationship.

Seeks to win by attacking the other person’s self concept a form of disconfirmation that discredits the other persons can lead to physical force

Refer to productive conflict resolution argues from a point of view reaffirms the other’s sense of competence and worth