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The art of Photo by Seth Anderson [link ] self - coaching Ed Batista March 19, 2015

The Art of Self-Coaching

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Page 1: The Art of Self-Coaching

The art of

Photo by Seth Anderson [link]

self-coachingEd Batista

March 19, 2015

Page 2: The Art of Self-Coaching

Who am I?

Executive coach

Instructor @ Stanford GSB

Contributor @ Harvard Business Review

www.edbatista.com

Page 3: The Art of Self-Coaching

Why coachingmatters to me…

Started as a client

Changed my view of leadership

Impact on hundreds of clients & students

Page 4: The Art of Self-Coaching

Why self-coachingdoes, too

1%

16 months

Help my clients & students help themselves

Read More

Page 5: The Art of Self-Coaching

Photo by Alex Eflon [link]

Where are we

Coaching & self-coaching

Mindset & change

Coaching tools

Emotional style & management

going?

Page 6: The Art of Self-Coaching

How will we

Short lectures

Work with a partner

Coaching conversations

get there?

Photo by Chloe Fan [link]

Page 7: The Art of Self-Coaching

Intro 15 mins

Part 1 25 mins

Part 2 45 mins

Part 3.a 15 mins

Break 10 mins

Part 3.b 55 mins

Part 4 20 mins

Agenda

Photo by Theresa Thompson [link]

Page 8: The Art of Self-Coaching

Part 1

Coaching & self-coaching

An exercise

Photo by Judy van der Velden [link]

Page 9: The Art of Self-Coaching

What’s coaching?

Photo by Seth Anderson [link]

Not advising or mentoring

Not diagnostic

Coachee owns the agenda

Coachee has the answers

Read More

Page 10: The Art of Self-Coaching

Guiding our own growth & development

Not a solitary experience, but self-directed

Coaching partners are essential

Today you’ll work with one

& self-coaching?

Photo by Seth Anderson [link]Read More

Page 11: The Art of Self-Coaching

Part 2

Mental models

Mindset

Change

Coaching tools

Conversation #1

Photo by Earls37a [link]

Page 12: The Art of Self-Coaching

Mental models

Perceptions shape reality

Photo by Carmelo Speltino [link]Read More

Page 13: The Art of Self-Coaching

A mental model about ourselves

Carol Dweck

How do we perceive our abilities?

How do we perceive our mistakes?

Mindset

Photo by Mike Disharoon [link]

Page 14: The Art of Self-Coaching

Talent & intelligence

are inherent traits

Mistakes are failures or

character flaws

Negative emotional

response to mistakes

Talent & intelligence

can be developed

Mistakes are learning

opportunities

Less upset by mistakes

(= more learning)

Fixed Growth

Mindset

Adapted from Carol Dweck [link]

Page 15: The Art of Self-Coaching

Diminished sense of

agency & control

Seeking approval &

affirmation

Risk-averse & defeated

by setbacks

Heightened sense of

agency & control

Seeking challenges &

continual growth

Risk-tolerant & can

accept setbacks

Fixed Growth

Mindset

Adapted from Carol Dweck [link]

Page 16: The Art of Self-Coaching

Mindset &self-coaching

Photo by Andrea [link]

Page 17: The Art of Self-Coaching

Mindset &self-coaching

Look for signs of a fixed or growth mindset

Recognize it as a mental model

One we can challenge or affirm

Page 18: The Art of Self-Coaching

Kurt Lewin & Edgar Schein

Why is change so difficult?

Why do we resist it?

Change

Photo by ezioman [link]Read More

Page 19: The Art of Self-Coaching

Behavior is stable

We’re frozen in patterns

Change

Photo by ezioman [link]

Page 20: The Art of Self-Coaching

Driving forces favor change

Restraining forces resist it

Change

Photo by ezioman [link]

Page 21: The Art of Self-Coaching

Patterns keep these forces balanced

Change requires unfreezing

Change

Photo by ezioman [link]

Page 22: The Art of Self-Coaching

Driving force = Survival anxiety

I must change in order to

to achieve my goals

Change

Photo by ezioman [link]

Page 23: The Art of Self-Coaching

Restraining force = Learning anxiety

Change means a new identity

or loss of self-esteem

Change

Photo by ezioman [link]

Page 24: The Art of Self-Coaching

Increase survival anxiety to change?

Or decrease learning anxiety?

Both are necessary

Change

Photo by ezioman [link]

Page 25: The Art of Self-Coaching

Three steps to unfreezing

1. Disconfirmation

Dissatisfaction created

by confounding data

Necessary but insufficient

(Dismissal, denial, blame)

Change

Photo by ezioman [link]

Page 26: The Art of Self-Coaching

Three steps to unfreezing

2. A little survival anxiety

Confounding data =

I need to change

Change

Photo by ezioman [link]

Page 27: The Art of Self-Coaching

Three steps to unfreezing

3. Psychological safety

Critical to overcoming

defensiveness & denial

Change

Photo by ezioman [link]

Page 28: The Art of Self-Coaching

Threat from survival anxiety must

be balanced by sufficient safety

to decrease learning anxiety

Change

Photo by ezioman [link]

Page 29: The Art of Self-Coaching

Change =

Survival anxiety > Learning anxiety

Psychological safety

Change

Photo by ezioman [link]

Page 30: The Art of Self-Coaching

Change& mindset

We can be attached to our fixed mindset

Letting go can be threatening

We must feel safe to change

Page 31: The Art of Self-Coaching

Change& mindset

Growth mindset = work in progress

New attitude or behavior ≠ new identity

Mistakes & setbacks = learning opportunities

Page 32: The Art of Self-Coaching

Coaching tools

Photo by zzpza [link]

Page 34: The Art of Self-Coaching

Coaching tools

Ask

Edgar Schein

Help doesn’t always help

What’s a better way?

Read More

Page 35: The Art of Self-Coaching

Modes of inquiry

Photo by Garry Knight [link]

Page 36: The Art of Self-Coaching

Modes of inquiry

1. Pure inquiry

Begin with receptivity

Avoid presumptive questions

Adapted from Edgar Schein [link]

Page 37: The Art of Self-Coaching

Modes of inquiry

1. Pure inquiry

2. Diagnostic inquiry

Focus & redirect

Feelings, motives, actions

Adapted from Edgar Schein [link]

Page 38: The Art of Self-Coaching

Modes of inquiry

1. Pure inquiry

2. Diagnostic inquiry

3. Confrontational inquiry

Introduce new ideas & hypotheses

Substitute the coach’s narrative

Adapted from Edgar Schein [link]

Page 39: The Art of Self-Coaching

Modes of inquiry

1. Pure inquiry

2. Diagnostic inquiry

3. Confrontational inquiry

We tend to move too quickly

Critical to check our assumptions

Adapted from Edgar Schein [link]

Page 40: The Art of Self-Coaching

Ask better

Photo by Alexander Drachman [link]

questions

Page 41: The Art of Self-Coaching

Ask better

Get beyond Yes or No

What…? & How…? > Why…?

More reflection, less defensiveness

questions

Page 42: The Art of Self-Coaching

Ask better

No leading questions

That’s advocacy, not coaching

questions

Page 43: The Art of Self-Coaching

Ask better

One more tip…

Ask once & stop

questions

Page 44: The Art of Self-Coaching

Coaching tools

Ask, Listen

Page 45: The Art of Self-Coaching

Listening skills

Photo by Ed Yourdon [link]

Page 46: The Art of Self-Coaching

Listening skills

Hearing ≠ listening

How they feel > what you hear

Make them feel heard

Page 47: The Art of Self-Coaching

Listening skills

Focused attention > time

Cultivate presence

Eye contact

No multi-tasking

Eliminate distractions

Page 48: The Art of Self-Coaching

Coaching tools

Ask, Listen, Empathize

Brené Brown

What roles do shame & empathy play?

Read More

Page 49: The Art of Self-Coaching

Shame &empathy

Photo by Tuomas Puikkonen [link]

Page 50: The Art of Self-Coaching

Shame &

Shame = We are flawed & unworthy of love

Empathy = The antidote to shame

empathy

Page 51: The Art of Self-Coaching

Shame &

Shame = Unravels relationships & connections

Empathy = Creates closeness & meaning

empathy

Page 52: The Art of Self-Coaching

Shame &

Seeking help typically triggers shame

(or embarrassment or vulnerability)

empathy

Page 53: The Art of Self-Coaching

Shame &

But typical helping responses block empathy

1. “My problem’s worse”

2. “Look on the bright side”

3. “Here’s some advice…”

empathy

Page 54: The Art of Self-Coaching

Shame &

Instead…

1. Respect their view & avoid judgment

2. Look for, sense & validate feelings

3. Express understanding

empathy

Page 55: The Art of Self-Coaching

Part 3.a

Emotion

A different exercise

Photo by Yuya Salto [link]

Page 57: The Art of Self-Coaching

Emotion

Antonio Damasio, USC

What purpose do emotions serve?

What role do they play in reasoning?

Page 58: The Art of Self-Coaching

Emotion

Emotions evolved to support survival

Uncontrolled emotion & bias can lead us astray

But emotion is integral to reasoning

Essential for efficient decision-making

Read More

Page 59: The Art of Self-Coaching

Emotion

Victor Johnston, New Mexico State

“Discriminant hedonic amplifiers”

Boost signals in our mental landscape

Emotions = Attention magnets

Read More

Page 60: The Art of Self-Coaching

Emotion

Joseph LeDoux, NYU

“A quick and dirty signal”

Neural pathways 2x

But speed has a price

Read More

Page 61: The Art of Self-Coaching

Emotion

Photo by Ed Yourdon [link]

Page 62: The Art of Self-Coaching

Emotion

Rapid triggering

Reflexive responses

Sensing ≠ comprehension

Page 63: The Art of Self-Coaching

Who cares?

Photo by Marco Arment [link]

Page 64: The Art of Self-Coaching

A premise

Photo by Garry Knight [link]

Emotion management* =

The key to leadership

*Management ≠ suppression

Page 65: The Art of Self-Coaching

Part 3.b

Emotional style

Conversation #2

Photo by Yuya Salto [link]

Page 66: The Art of Self-Coaching

Photo courtesy University of Wisconsin [link]

Emotional style

Page 67: The Art of Self-Coaching

Emotional style

Richard Davidson

What is the neurological basis for emotion?

Photo courtesy University of Wisconsin [link]Read More

Page 68: The Art of Self-Coaching

Emotional style

Photo courtesy University of Wisconsin [link]

6 dimensions of “emotional style”

Rooted in measurable neurological activity

Page 69: The Art of Self-Coaching

6 dimensions

Attention

Context-sensitivity

Outlook

Recovery time

Self-awareness

Social intuition

Page 70: The Art of Self-Coaching

Photo by Philip Bird [link]

Attention

Page 71: The Art of Self-Coaching

Attention

Sharpness & clarity of focus

(Ability to avoid distractions)

Photo by Philip Bird [link]

Page 72: The Art of Self-Coaching

Attention

•---------------------------------------------------------•

Unfocused, may be Intensely focused,

easily distracted or may lose awareness

overly impulsive or lack spontaneity

Photo by Philip Bird [link]

Page 73: The Art of Self-Coaching

Photo by Vincent Lock [link]

Context-sensitivity

Page 74: The Art of Self-Coaching

Context-

Ability to discern differences in social

environments & regulate responses accordingly

sensitivity

Photo by Vincent Lock [link]

Page 75: The Art of Self-Coaching

Context-

•---------------------------------------------------------•

Unable to discern Highly sensitive to

social differences & minute differences in

act accordingly social environment

sensitivity

Photo by Vincent Lock [link]

Page 76: The Art of Self-Coaching

Photo by Ivan Walsh [link]

Outlook

Page 77: The Art of Self-Coaching

Outlook

Ability to sustain positive emotion

Photo by Ivan Walsh [link]

Page 78: The Art of Self-Coaching

Outlook

•---------------------------------------------------------•

Highly pessimistic, Highly optimistic,

difficulty sustaining may be resistant to

positive feelings negative data

Photo by Ivan Walsh [link]

Page 79: The Art of Self-Coaching

Photo by Eric Richardson [link]

Recovery time

Page 80: The Art of Self-Coaching

Recovery time

Speed of recovery from adverse experiences

Photo by Eric Richardson [link]

Page 81: The Art of Self-Coaching

Recovery time

•---------------------------------------------------------•

Fast to recover, may Slow to recover,

fail to register or may feel defeated

learn from setbacks by minor setbacks

Photo by Eric Richardson [link]

Page 82: The Art of Self-Coaching

Photo by Seattle Yoga News [link]

Self-awareness

Page 83: The Art of Self-Coaching

Self-awareness

Ability to perceive physical aspects of emotion

Photo by Seattle Yoga News [link]

Page 84: The Art of Self-Coaching

Self-awareness

•---------------------------------------------------------•

Out of touch with Hyper-aware, may be

physical cues that distracted by physical

accompany emotion cues & emotions

Photo by Seattle Yoga News [link]

Page 85: The Art of Self-Coaching

Photo by Ed Yourdon [link]

Social intuition

Page 86: The Art of Self-Coaching

Social intuition

Ability to sense others’ emotional responses

Photo by Ed Yourdon [link]

Page 87: The Art of Self-Coaching

Social intuition

•---------------------------------------------------------•

Puzzled by others’ Highly intuitive, may

responses, socially be overly sensitive to

obtuse or insensitive others’ responses

Photo by Ed Yourdon [link]

Page 88: The Art of Self-Coaching

Part 4

Photo by Kim Faires [link]

Emotion management

Building capacity (Getting MESSy)

Closing

Page 89: The Art of Self-Coaching

Emotion

Photo by Tania Cataldo [link]

management

Page 90: The Art of Self-Coaching

Emotion

Regulation, not suppression

Reframing

Self-soothing

Talking about feelings

management

Page 91: The Art of Self-Coaching

Reframing

Photo by Rodrigo Baptista [link]

Page 92: The Art of Self-Coaching

Reframing

Cognitive reappraisal

James Gross & Rebecca Ray, Stanford

Kevin Ochsner, Columbia

How do our thoughts influence our experience?

Page 93: The Art of Self-Coaching

Reframing

The meanings we assign Emotional response

Re-interpret a situation Manage our emotions

Our mental models shape our experiences

Read More

Page 94: The Art of Self-Coaching

Self-soothing

Photo by Amanda Patsopoulou [link]

Page 95: The Art of Self-Coaching

Self-soothing

Physiological modification

Active steps to change our emotional state

Page 96: The Art of Self-Coaching

Self-soothing

Response modification

Active choice in how we express emotion

Page 97: The Art of Self-Coaching

Self-soothing

Deeper, slower breaths

Speak more slowly & monitor tone

Sense our non-verbals & body language

Shift focus of our attention

Page 98: The Art of Self-Coaching

Talking about

Photo by Garry Knight [link]

feelings

Page 99: The Art of Self-Coaching

Talking aboutfeelings

Affect labeling

Amygdala

Talking disrupts negative emotion

Talking about emotion > Thinking about emotion

Read More

Page 100: The Art of Self-Coaching

Building capacity(aka)

Page 101: The Art of Self-Coaching

Getting MESSy

Photo by Paul Colley [link]

Page 102: The Art of Self-Coaching

Getting MESSy

Mindfulness

Exercise

Sleep hygiene

Stress reduction

Page 103: The Art of Self-Coaching

Mindfulness

Photo by Strevo [link]

Page 104: The Art of Self-Coaching

Mindfulness

Non-judgmental

awareness

& acceptance

of experience

Page 105: The Art of Self-Coaching

Mindfulness

The most powerful self-coaching tool

Critical to emotion management

& executive function

Page 106: The Art of Self-Coaching

Mindfulness

Meditation

A workout, not a break

Impact in just a few minutes…

…with regular practice

Read More

Page 107: The Art of Self-Coaching

Mindfulness

Meditation

Journaling

Time in nature

Regular reflective practice

Read More

Page 108: The Art of Self-Coaching

Mindfulness

Practical steps

Meditate 1 minute a day

(Increase over time; commitment is key)

3 bullet points each morning & evening

Spend 1 hour a week in nature

Page 109: The Art of Self-Coaching

Exercise

Photo by Gregor Winter [link]

Page 110: The Art of Self-Coaching

Exercise

Emotions are physiological experiences

Mind/body integration ≠ hippie bullshit

Page 111: The Art of Self-Coaching

Sleep hygiene

Photo by Drriss & Marrionn [link]

Page 112: The Art of Self-Coaching

Sleep hygiene

Being prepared then: having the answer

Being prepared now: being at your best

Page 113: The Art of Self-Coaching

Stress reduction

Photo by Sara V. [link]

Page 114: The Art of Self-Coaching

Stress reduction

Boundaries, not balance

Lead more, do less

Focus

Read More

Page 115: The Art of Self-Coaching

To sum up

Make it safe to change

Cultivate a growth mindset

Consider your emotional style

Build management capacity (Get MESSy)

Find coaching partners (& help them help you)

Page 116: The Art of Self-Coaching

Thank you!

Photo by Seth Anderson [link]

[email protected]

www.edbatista.com