Emotional IntelligenceMagdalena Kishizawa, PeOrg Consult

Amsterdam, 20/21.08.2010

"Knowing others and knowing oneself, in one hundred battles no danger.

Not knowing the other and knowing oneself, one victory for one loss.

Not knowing the other and not knowing oneself, in every battle certain defeat."

Sun Tzu, The Art of War

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Agenda – Let`s talk E-Motions

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Emotional Intelligence – What is it?

Concept of Multiple Intelligence

Five core abilities of EQ

3 Emotional Talk

Levels of Relationships

4 Emotional Intelligence of Groups

Definition

Emotions

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Concept of Multiple Intelligence

Mathematical-logical Verbal-

linguistic

Bodigly-kineaesthetic

Musical

Visual-Spatial

Inter-personal

Intra-personal

ability to organise thoughts

sequentially and logically.

ability to understand and express ideas

throughlanguage.

sensitivity to tone, pitch and rhythm, and the

ability to reproduce them.

gaining of knowledge through

feedback from physical activity

ability to learn directly through images and to

thinkintuitively without the

use of language.

ability to notice and make discriminations

regarding themoods, temperaments,

motivations and intentions of others.

According to researchers (e.g. Howard Gardner, Daniel Goleman) people possess seven different intelligences:

having access to one’s own feelings

Multi-Intelligences

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Emotional Intelligence versus Intelligence

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Emotional Intelligence: Inter- and Intrapersonal Intelligence

According to Goleman, Interpersonal and Intrapersonal intelligence belong to Emotional Intelligence (EQ).

Stress Handling Techniques

Self Management

Keeping motivated

Recognising and managing own Emotions

Effective Communication

Conflict Management

Recognising and managing Emotions of Others

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Three Levels of Relationsships

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Karpmann Drama Triangle

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Emotional Intelligence (EQ): What it is?

Definition Aspects of EQ Improved performance

ability to recognize the meanings of emotion and their relationships, and to reason and problem-solve on the basis of them.

Emotional intelligence is involved in the capacity to perceive emotions, assimilate emotion-related feelings, understand the information of those emotions, and manage them.

understanding yourself, your goals, intentions, responses, behavior and all.

understanding others, and their feelings.

“What is your EQ? It’s not a number. But emotional intelligence may be best predictor of success in life, redefining what it means being smart.” (Time, 1995)

E.g. partners in a multinational consulting firm, who scored above the median on 9 or more of the 20 competencies delivered $1.2 million more profit from their accounts than did other partners.

Literature: Mayer, J. D., Salovey, P., & Caruso, D. R. (2000). Models of emotional intelligence. In R. J. Sternberg (Ed.). Handbook of Intelligence (pp. 396-420). Cambridge, England: Cambridge University Press.

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Emotional Intelligence in Job

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Five Core Abilities of Emotional Intelligence

Knowing one’s emotions.

Managing emotions leading it, having under control.

Motivating oneself.

Recognising emotions in others

Handling relationships.

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Emotions

DisgustSadnessAnxietyDepressionEnvyGuiltShame

EnjoymentConfidenceHappinessLoveJoyPride

NegativePositive

The feelings which we experience can sometimes be very powerful and have a great influence over our behavior. Just by thinking about these emotions can give us a flavor of how powerful they can be.

GriefHateAngerRejectionFearLonelines

sAggressio

nBoredom

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Ways of Dealing with Emotions

According to Mayer, there would appear to be three ways in which people deal with emotions:

Self-aware – people are aware of their emotions.

Overhelmed– people feel overwhelmed by their emotions.

Accepting – people accept their moods.

We can react in any of these three ways – depends on circumstances. Sometimes we can be aware of our emotions and can manage them to fit the situation (self-aware).

Other days we can become overwhelmed by the situation and be unable to deal with the situation logically in light of our emotions (engulfed).

Or we can recognise our emotions and we just accept that we are having a bad day or are in a particularly good mood and not adjust our behavior to accommodate the situation (accepting).

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Our Own Emotions

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Our Own Emotions

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Our Own Emotions

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Our Own Emotions

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Our Own Emotions

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Emotional Talk - tools

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Managing Emotions – Blueprint Method

Five steps to solve emotional dilemmas:

You identify that your client is in negative mood

You realise that as result he is very unlikely to be open to a discussion about project delay

You understand that he is in a bad mood, and wisely attribute it to his own overall experiences

You manage your emotions by taking the frustration and leverage it is power (energy) to increase your today’s performance

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Two Strategies of Emotional Talk 1/2

Long Term

Identify emotions Realise that I need to adjust my strategy Positive start – Small Talk Questions to find out why the person is on Emotional Level

Open questions, circular questions Screening for key word Docking on key words with the

strategy

Questions to find the solutions Scaling questions Decision: what is the best solution

for both sides

Contract

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Asking Questions

At the beginning of the “Emotional Talk” we should avoid: General questions

Closed questions

Giving advises

Rhetoric questions

Leading questions

Multiple questions

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Open Questions

I have six honest serving men.

They taught me all I knew.

Their names are what and why and when;

And how and where and who.

Rudyard Kipling, The Elephants Child, 1902

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Two Strategies of Emotional Talk 2/2

Short Term

Identify emotions Realise that I need to adjust my strategy Positive start – Business Small Talk

Addressing emotions Using positive language Talking about own emotions Proposing solution

Contract

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Keeping Emotional Balance

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Negative versus Positive Language

I don't know. I’ll find out for you.

Sorry to keep you waiting. Thank you for your patience.

Negative language encourages a mental responsefrom the caller, such as, “So you should be!”

Positive languageencourages a mental response of: “That’s all right.”

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Using ‘I’ Instead of ‘You’

When using the word “You” to a customer, your finger “is pointing at the chest” of the customer.

It’s better to use the word “I”.

What’s wrong? How may I help you?

You sure have a problem Let’s see if I can help to resolve thissituation.

I am sorry you had to wait so long.

Thank you for being so patient.

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Talking about Own Emotions

Telling someone directly and honestly how you feel can be a very powerful form of communication.Be specific about what do you feel.

Vague statements are hard to work on.

Avoid accusations in case of negative emotions. Accusations will cause others to defend themselves. Instead, talk about how someone's actions made you feel.

Don't generalize. Avoid words like "never" or "always." Such generalizations are usually inaccurate and will heighten tensions.

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Talking about Own Emotions

Reflection of content and feelings:

To show that you’re understanding the speaker’s experience

To allow the speaker to evaluate his/her feelings after hearing them expressed by someone else

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Emotional Group Norms

from: Vanessa Urch Druskat, Steven B. Wolff. Building the Emotional Intelligence of Groups. Harvard Business Review 03/2001

Emotional Intelligence in Groups

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A Model of Team Effectiveness

better decisions,more creative solutions,higher productivity

group emotional intelligence

trust, identity, efficacy

participation, cooperation,collaboration

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EI of Groups: Norms That Create Awareness of Emotions - Individual

Interpersonal Understanding Take time away from group tasks to get to know one another.

Have a “check in” at the beginning of the meeting – ask how everyone is doing.

Assume that undesirable behavior takes place for a reason. Find out what that reason is. Ask questions and listen. Avoid negative attributions.

Tell your teammates what you’re thinking and how you’re feeling.

Perspective Taking Ask whether everyone agrees with a decision.

Ask quiet members what they think.

Question decisions that come too quickly.

Appoint a devil’s advocate.

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EI of Groups: Norms That Create Awareness of Emotions - Group

Team Self-Evaluation Schedule time to examine team effectiveness.

Create measurable task and process objectives and then measure them.

Acknowledge and discuss group moods.

Communicate your sense of what is transpiring in the team.

Allow members to call a “process check.” (For instance, a team member might say, “Process check: is this the most effective use of our time right now?”)

Seeking Feedback Ask your “customers” how you are doing.

Post your work and invite comments.

Benchmark your processes.

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EI of Groups: Norms That Create Awareness of Emotions - Cross-Boundary

Organizational Understanding Find out the concerns and needs of others in the organization.

Consider who can influence the team’s ability to accomplish its goals.

Discuss the culture and politics in the organization.

Ask whether proposed team actions are congruent with the organization’s culture and politics.

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EI of Groups: Norms that Help Regulate Emotions - Individual

Confronting Set ground rules and use them to point out errant behavior.

Call members on errant behavior.

Create playful devices for pointing out such behavior. These often emerge from the group spontaneously. Reinforce them.

CaringSupport members: volunteer to help them if they need it, be flexible,

and provide emotional support.

Validate members’ contributions. Let members know they are valued.

Protect members from attack.

Respect individuality and differences in perspectives. Listen.

Never be derogatory or demeaning.

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EI of Groups: Norms that Help Regulate Emotions - Groups

Creating Resources for Working with Emotion Make time to discuss difficult issues, and address the emotions that

surround them.

Find creative, shorthand ways to acknowledge and express the emotion in the group.

Create fun ways to acknowledge and relieve stress and tension.

Express acceptance of members’

Creating an Affirmative Environment Reinforce that the team can meet a challenge. Be optimistic. For

example, say things like: “We can get through this” or “Nothing will stop us.”

Focus on what you can control.

Remind members of the group’s important and positive mission.

Remind the group how it solved a similar problem before.

Focus on problem solving, not blaming.

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EI of Groups: Norms that Help Regulate Emotions - Groups

Solving Problems Proactively Anticipate problems and address them before they happen.

Take the initiative to understand and get what you need to be effective.

Do it yourself if others aren’t responding. Rely on yourself, not others.

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EI of Groups: Norms that Help Regulate Emotions – Cross-Boundaries

Building External Relationships Create opportunities for networking and interaction.

Ask about the needs of other teams.

Provide support for other teams.

Invite others to team meetings if they might have a stake in what you are doing.

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About Magdalena Kishizawa

Magdalena is a coach and trainer with a successful track record over ten years in providing leadership development support and executive coaching as consultant.

She worked for such companies as SAP AG (HR Department at Service & Support Executive Board), Kienbaum Management Consultants GmbH and O&P Consult AG (as consultant)

Because of her business and private experiences (like working and living in Germany, Poland and United Kingdom and her personal connection to Japan) Magdalena has a deep understanding of challenges of culture differences in business environment.

She studied psychology, business administration and education science; is CIPD member; has finished a course in systemical coaching (accredited by German Psychology Association)

Since 2008 is Managing Director at PeOrg Consult Ltd.

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PeOrg Consult Ltd62 Broadgate LaneHosforth, LeedsUnited Kingdom

www.peorg-consult.com

mkishizawa@peorg-consult.com

P +44 113 815 2050 (England)M +44 77 47575373 (England)M +49 173 3405881 (Germany)

Your Contact:Magdalena Kishizawa

PeOrg Consult Ltd