HOW TO PARTY WITH

CLIENTS…AND KEEP

YOUR JOB

SEAL THE DEAL WHILE THREE SHEETS TO THE WIND

BROUGHT TO YOU BY

INTRODUCTION

• Three martini lunches are a thing

of the past. To seal the deal

nowadays, you need to wine,

dine and dazzle the clients in a

whole new way (with a whole

new set of substances)

• Clients want to bond with you over beer, toast success with bubbly

and just get f*cking pissed whenever

• This guide will give you everything you need to know for sealing the

deal with your client while partying your ass off

HOW TO DRINK LIKE A PRO

• Think you already drink like a pro?

Think again. Nailing a beer pong cup

means nothing in the business world

• Employees whose blood alcohol level is

higher than 1.008% have a better

chance at a raise than sober suckers

• From a survey of 100 random office

workers, 71% of employed

professionals attribute landing a deal

while heavily under influence of alcohol

• 81% of business meetings now involve

booze. Your liver must be a MACHINE

64% of CEOs drink

top-shelf scotch

11% of CEOs change

their drink according to

season

88% of CEOs avoid

beer unless at a

corporate BBQ or sports

event

27% of Forbes Richest

people agree martinis

are making a comeback.

Very dirty and stirred.

DRINK LIKE A BOSS

BUSINESS DINNER

ETIQUETTE 101

• Business dinners are a test of

character. 80% of communication is

expressed by body language, so sit

pretty

• Napkins go on your lap. You’re a

boss, not a savage

• 58% of top-level execs guess which

fork is the salad fork. 17% are

successful

• Texting at the table is a no-no. If you

need text your DTF hook-up, do it

under the table

79%

12% 8%1%

Phone Use at the Table

• Flagrantly text and make calls

• Surreptitiously text from their lap

• Excuse themselves and text from

the bathroom

• Are able to completely switch off

OWNING YOUR CORPORATE

EVENT FROM DUSK TILL DAWN

• Never be the first to arrive. Early

birds are not party legends

• Prepare a signature phrase you

will repeat throughout the night.

Instead of “nice to meet you,”

wow your clients and co-workers

with a greeting like “time to get

TURNT!”

• Don’t ever let the party end

before 5AM. Strippers on speed

dial is an excellent after-party

suggestion

42% of execs prefer an

8-ball of coke

18% suggest E is the

key to keeping the party

going

26% believe weed will

cure any hangover if

smoked the night before

14% swear by an

energy drink and double

vodka to keep the

energy flowing

BEST CHEMICALS TO KEEP

THE NIGHT GOING

BLACKOUTS AND BULLSHITTING

According to survey findings:

• 22% of junior employees report

getting raises from heavily

inebriated CEO

• 46% of all employees use black

mail to get what they want from a

client who’s shared personal

information after 3+ drinks

• 9% of managers sign

over the lease to their

car and/or house after

4+ hours of drinking

Top Tips

The elusive blackout zone

is where you are most

successful at bullshitting

clients and coercing CEOs

Pepper conversations with

jargon - KPIs, ROIs, SMART

goals, BJs - to give the

illusion of intelligence

Photographic evidence of

the night’s events ensures

longevity and success in

any industry

SUMMARY

Forget the weights; train your liver instead

Dotted lines should be signed after

you’ve found the bottom of a bottle (or two)

Pot: making strangers clients and clients

friends since 1619

Cheers.

You’re Welcome.