Managing Conflicts And Difficult People

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  • MANAGING CONFLICTS AND DIFFICULT PEOPLEABF Executive Secretaries and Personal Assistants Conference 17-18 Feb 2009

    Kenny OngCNI Holdings Berhadwww.myCNI.com.mywww.OOBEY.com

  • About: CNI20 years oldCore Business: MLMOthers: Contract Manufacturing, Export/Trading, eCommerce, F&B RetailMalaysia, Singapore, Brunei, Indonesia, India, China, Hong Kong, Philippines, Italy, TaiwanStaff force: 500Distributors: 200,000Products: Consumer Goods and Serviceswww.myCNI.com.mywww.OOBEY.com

  • Before we startYou can get anything in life that you want if you can help enough people get what they wantwww.myCNI.com.mywww.OOBEY.com

  • ObjectivesPeople SkillsManaging Conflicts and Difficult PeopleAvoiding Stresswww.myCNI.com.mywww.OOBEY.com

  • Introduction: People SkillsWhy is it so important to us?www.myCNI.com.mywww.OOBEY.com

  • Management Skillswww.myCNI.com.mywww.OOBEY.com Conflict Mgmt

    Essential Management Skills for Secretaries

  • Law of the Ping-Pong Balla.k.a. Law of Cause and Effect

  • Managing your RelationshipsBasics of RelationshipsWhy? Good performance & skill won't get you very far. You need others to succeedYou cannot get people to listen to you if they don't like you.And if they dont listen to you, you wont accomplish anything!Relationships = Expectations.www.myCNI.com.mywww.OOBEY.com

  • But firstDo you know yourself?Strengths? Limitations?Good listener?Emotionally stable?Biases or Prejudices?What is Fair?www.myCNI.com.mywww.OOBEY.com

  • Managing your Relationships: People SkillsPeople are interested in themselves, not in youWhat is the most interesting subject in the world to them? THEMSELVESTake four words out of your vocabulary: I, me, my, mine and substitute for the most powerful word: YOURemember that the more important you make people feel, the more they will respond to you.Avoid arguing.www.myCNI.com.mywww.OOBEY.com

  • Communication SF

    LINAListen with interest and praisemake the person feel Importantuse their NameAsk questionswww.myCNI.com.mywww.OOBEY.com

  • Influence SF

    PASSEPraise and encourageAsk questionsallow the person to Save Faceuse SMART goalsEncourage small improvementswww.myCNI.com.mywww.OOBEY.com

  • Personality SF

    S + FH + CSmileFirm HandshakeComplimentwww.myCNI.com.mywww.OOBEY.com

  • Understanding Yourself and Others - Personalities

    www.myCNI.com.mywww.OOBEY.com Handout 1: Personality Types

  • Understanding Yourself and Others - Motiveswww.myCNI.com.mywww.OOBEY.com Handout 2: McClelland Motive Self AssessmentHandout 3: Motive Profiles Overview

  • Active ListeningAttendingParaphrasingSpeakingClarifyingAskingEncouragingReflectingSummarizingPersonal Tip: Pickingwww.myCNI.com.mywww.OOBEY.com

    Active Listening Techniques 1 Attending: using non-verbal indicators such as leaning forward, nodding your head, sitting in an open, receptive posture 2) Paraphrasing: repeating in your own words what the other person has said; the restatement should not judge in any way 3) Speaking from the self: using "I" statements, rather than speaking for others (we all think) or speaking in the passive tense. Do not make assumptions about others, their opinions, and feelings. 4) Clarifying: asking for further clarification or an example to illustrate often helps find clarity in the meaning. 5) Asking: probing questions; identify and explore options and alternatives e.g., use probes - short, open questions to dig deeper into issues. May be non-verbal such as a look that asks "Then what/ How? Silence can be used to encourage the speaker to continue. 6) Encouraging: asking person to tell me more about or give them a supportive comment like good idea or I like that approach. 7) Reflecting: playing back the communication as you hear and feel it, e.g., you seem to feel very strongly about that 8) Summarizing: giving back a review or summary of what you heard. This helps make sure the communication is

  • Understanding ConflictsWhat is, Sources of, www.myCNI.com.mywww.OOBEY.com

  • Why do Conflicts happen?UnrealisticExpectationsInadequateResourceswww.myCNI.com.mywww.OOBEY.com

  • Why do Conflicts happen?UnrealisticExpectationsI am always right opinionDo not understand ourselvesDo not understand othersDifferent backgroundsAggressive, Selfish, StubbornWin-lose mentality

    www.myCNI.com.mywww.OOBEY.com

  • Conflict: Good or Bad? GoodClarificationRelease emotionsRelease stressUnderstand each otherBuild cooperation & trustDevelop problem solvingCreate energy

    www.myCNI.com.mywww.OOBEY.com

  • Conflict: Good or Bad? BadDiverts energyPolarizes groupsDeepens differencesEither-Or positionsAlways right mentalityDevelop negative feelings

    www.myCNI.com.mywww.OOBEY.com

  • Conflict: Good or Bad? Very Very BadInformal discussionsMis-informationPositionsFactions

    www.myCNI.com.mywww.OOBEY.com

  • Sources of Conflictswww.myCNI.com.mywww.OOBEY.com

  • Sources of ConflictsGoalsMeansProceduresStructures

    www.myCNI.com.mywww.OOBEY.com

  • Sources of ConflictsMoneyTimeStaff SpaceImportanceOwnershipCompetence

    www.myCNI.com.mywww.OOBEY.com

  • Sources of ConflictsIdentitySelf-imageLoyaltyConfidence breachNo respectFriendship Betrayal

    www.myCNI.com.mywww.OOBEY.com

  • Managing Conflicts and Difficult PeopleThe world is full of people who dont like you live with it. www.myCNI.com.mywww.OOBEY.com

  • But FirstDo you want to maintain the relationship?Yes? No?

  • 1. Compromise, if possible

  • 2. Win-win, if possible

  • 3. Adapt, to different people

  • 4. Hide your Ego

  • 5. Lower your Expectations

  • 6. Find Common Ground

  • 7. Same Destination, Different Paths

  • I understand

  • 9. Accept the fact

  • 10. Face

  • How to avoid getting killed by stressAvoid stress, conflict, and burnout in the workplacewww.myCNI.com.mywww.OOBEY.com

  • Understand and use People SkillsMe Sdn BhdRules of WorkBad BossesWho are you working for?

  • 2. Me Sdn BhdWho do you work for?

  • 3. Rules of WorkRule 38: Dont let it get to youRule 60: Know when to let goRule 76: Dont bad mouth your bossRule 77: Dont bad-mouth your teamRule 78: Accept that some things your bosses tell you to do will be wrongRule 93: Maintain good friendships and relationships (if possible)Rule 101: Remember that we are all humansRefer to Handout 7 for detailed explanation

  • 4. Bad BossesIf none of these strategies work, you have two choices:Choice A - If you have good personal reasons for staying in your job -- you love your work, you're learning a lot, you like the people you're working with -- you can hold your nose and ignore your boss as best you can. Choice B - Or, you can quit: life is too short too deal with this kind of abuse.www.myCNI.com.mywww.OOBEY.com Refer to Handout 8 for detailed explanation

    **Refer to Handout 4 - Bad Bosses

  • 5. Who are you working for?End Noteswww.myCNI.com.mywww.OOBEY.com

  • Manage Stress and Avoid DepressionDecide on your Life priorities.Remember who you are really working for.Go home.www.myCNI.com.mywww.OOBEY.com

  • Who are you really working for?

  • Anyone can become angry that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way that is not easy.Aristotlewww.myCNI.com.mywww.OOBEY.com

  • EndnoteThe rest is up to you.www.myCNI.com.mywww.OOBEY.com

  • Thank You.soft copy of slides: http://totallyunrelatedrandomanddebatable.blogspot.com

    Essential Management Skills for Secretaries

    Active Listening Techniques 1 Attending: using non-verbal indicators such as leaning forward, nodding your head, sitting in an open, receptive posture 2) Paraphrasing: repeating in your own words what the other person has said; the restatement should not judge in any way 3) Speaking from the self: using "I" statements, rather than speaking for others (we all think) or speaking in the passive tense. Do not make assumptions about others, their opinions, and feelings. 4) Clarifying: asking for further clarification or an example to illustrate often helps find clarity in the meaning. 5) Asking: probing questions; identify and explore options and alternatives e.g., use probes - short, open questions to dig deeper into issues. May be non-verbal such as a look that asks "Then what/ How? Silence can be used to encourage the speaker to continue. 6) Encouraging: asking person to tell me more about or give them a supportive comment like good idea or I like that approach. 7) Reflecting: playing back the communication as you hear and feel it, e.g., you seem to feel very strongly about that 8) Summarizing: giving back a review or summary of what you heard. This helps make sure the communication is

    **Refer to Handout 4 - Bad Bosses