Strategies and techniques to handle - worryMark Le Messurier phone (08) 83320698 email mark@marklemessurier.com.auwww.marklemessurier.com.au www.whatsthebuzz.net.au www.raisingbeautklids.com.au

A little worry or anxiety is a useful means to plan, prioritise and cope with life’s experiences. Almost everyone does it. But, it becomes a problem when it’s ever present - causing sadness, insomnia, under eating or overeating, poor concentration, poor memory, poor access to rational thinking, poor academic performance, and invites disturbing thoughts. And, for kids with Autism, their little amygdala’s are often stuck at hypervigilant – they’re always worrying and preparing for the worst – and it becomes a habit, a part of their cognition. Here are few ‘coaching tips’ to help kids fend off worry. Most of us do better when we learn to understand our ‘worry patterns’ and learn to take some control.

First check or rate your worry against a ‘Worry scale’It helps to keep it as real as it should be. One CBT idea, created by Dunn & Curtis in 2003, is ‘The 5 Point Scale’ to help children identify and manage their feeling, whether they be anxiety or frustration driven. Children are coached to identify the intensity of the feeling and choose a possible solution to keep them in check. It helps to put abstract information into a visible and measurable format.

Share the worry with a friend or trusted adult A worry shared is a worry halved!

Tell yourself exactly what the worry is “I feel worried because …”

What’s happening at home?It is fair to say that a few children are predisposed to worry. They are our “natural born worriers”. Beyond this, a sensible beginning point is to assess the influences occurring within your family: a separation, a divorce, constant fighting, financial difficulties, racial taunts, recovery following a car accident, a sick family member, even a story aired on the evening news can trigger feelings of distress, dread, and helplessness.

Get to know their worriesDo you know what your child worries about? Is there a reoccurring theme? Do their worries concern self-esteem, perfectionism, separation, fear, death or are they related to social encounters. Once you know then it is possible to teach specific strategies to work with.

Be the best role modelLet your children see you logically talk your way through worries and problems. Whenever you can, allow them to witness you using positive self-talk and positive thinking to find solutions. As we ‘talk it out loud’ the logical order of what can be done enhances our motivation and chances of success. Show your children how they can also rely on this. Let them hear you say, "I know I can deal with this. I need to think about it. First, I’ll……."

Make time to talk about the highs and lows of the day Many parents gently, but deliberately build this time into evening meal conversations. It is a perfect forum to share successes and discuss troubles that may have arisen during the day. Worry just once a day. Make a time and make it suit you!

Always deal with worries in the daytime!

Why? You know what it is like; in the gloominess of dark at bedtime everything seems at its very worst and positive thoughts are hard to gather.

A useful way to help your child deal with worry is to get them to draw it, along with ideas to deal with it. Then, get them to place it into their worry tin. It’s just a matter of buying a small tin with a slot in the lid. For extra security, so the worries can’t possibly escape, you might buy a tin with a tiny padlock on the lid. Once the worry has been discussed, drawn, written, and folded up into the slotted tin it doesn’t need any further energy spent on it. The fascinating part is that when the worries are looked at weeks later most children will say, “Those worries are pathetic now!” This in itself delivers a healthy message about how much value we should give to worrying. As most of us have learnt over the years so few of our worries actually come to fruition. Using a worry tin in this way is a powerful teacher of this for children.

Empower your childRemind them that worries are thoughts within their control.

In this lesson, we purposely used the term ‘worry bugs’. Our suggestion is for you to draw your own ‘worry bug’ for your child to see. Incorporate thought bubbles and speech captions just as your child did in the lesson. Share how you deal with your worries and be sure to ask about the ‘Worry scale’ in their folder. Might this be something to be used at home?

Always use a logical 3-step plan to minimise worry

1. Work out how serious it is.Use a worry scale similar to the one your child has brought home from this lesson. Ask your child to rate their worry anywhere between 1 to 5, with 1 being a slight setback and 5 being an irreversible disaster. So often worriers tend to catastrophize and think the worry is much, much worse than it really is. Rating the worry helps to keep it in perspective.

2. Gently challenge their worried thinkingAsk logical realistic questions such as; “Well, what usually happens?” “What is most likely to happen?” “What plans can be made to deal with it?” By referring to this more accurate level of thinking children can see the worry is not very likely. Realistic thinking replaces frightened thinking, and as it does your child can effectively begin to problem solve internally.

3. Teach your child to switch worried thoughts to happy onesTrain them to tell their worry that they are stronger than it, and it will never beat them, even if they have to say it out loud! Switch to a happy thought and to stay with it teach them to get up, walking away and do something that makes them feel happy.

The problem of too much reassuranceIt is vital to reassure children that they are safe and you understand their worries. However, when we talk too intensely about a child’s worries, dissect and rehash them this can unintentionally leave the child with the impression that there must be something very serious to worry about. Be watchful of striking a healthy balance between being supportive and offering too much helpful talk.

Get a worry dollOXFAM, the international aid organisation, sells ‘Guatemalan worry dolls’ in many cities around the world. These dolls are crafted around the image of Guatemalan children wearing traditional costume. The idea is the worry doll can take care of a child’s worries so they can sleep peacefully. So before climbing into bed it’s time for your child to tell each of their worries to the worry doll, place it under their pillow, and let the doll deal with them!

Never forget – humour, playfulness and lightheartednessWell placed humour inspires a lightness that reaches a long way towards disarming worry. Never be shy about telling your child a funny or disarming story to help put things in perspective.

A few children need a worry specialist Growing up is hard for some children. Sometimes they go through phases where they seem to have a bigger worry each day. Always follow your instincts as this is the time to seek expert professional support; a school counsellor, a psychologist, a paediatrician, a psychiatrist, a social worker or someone linked to a local community health centre. The influence of a skilled professional can have your child experimenting with interventions and ideas that will amaze you, and leave them feeling far more in control.

‘Diaphragmatic breathing’ and ‘progressive muscle relaxation’ techniques

Don’t forget to teach both ‘diaphragmatic breathing’ and ‘progressive muscle relaxation’ as wonderful anti-anxiety mechanisms. Teach individuals or groups! The accumulation of evidence, especially through brain imaging, is convincing. Most people gain benefits from planned relaxation techniques. Deep relaxation is easily achieved through diaphragmatic breathing and progressive muscle relaxation. To teach “belly breathing” ask children to lay on the floor and place a book on their tummy. As they breathe in filling their lungs with air the book will rise. Then, as they exhale the book falls. Teach students to take slow deep breaths.

The preferred approach is to employ relaxation as a diversion technique where benefits occur naturally and without the need for explanations. The technique can be used to explicitly target controlling anger, worry, insomnia, distraction, overreaction or dealing with sad feelings. Try the approach to reshape any anxious or reactive behaviour – it can’t do any harm!

How-to teach diaphragmatic breathing

Keep it simple. Assist each person to find a spot to lay on their backs.

Allow plenty of space between each of them.

Ask them to place one hand on their chest and the other on their abdomen (just below their navel.)

Direct students to close their mouth and draw in a deep slow breath through their nose. Count out loud 1, 2, 3 and 4 as they breathe in. As they do this, the hand on their abdomen should rise a little more than the hand they have on their chest. Tell them, this is just how it should be.

Get them to hold their breath for 4 seconds, and then slowly exhale.

To exhale teach each participant to release the breath through their mouth using tight almost closed lips as this slows the breath out down. You may wish to count 1, 2, 3 and 4 as they breathe out to help set the pace for them.

The goal is for students to slow their breathing down so each inhalation and exhalation takes about 4 to 6 seconds.

Repeat this breathing cycle up to 10 times.

Some children find peace by saying the word, "relax" while breathing out over the 4 seconds or so.

Diaphragmatic breathing (a sunshine shower)

An excerpt from ‘What’s the Buzz? For Early Learners’ - a complete social skills foundation coursewww.whatsthebuzz.net.au

“Psssst, Archie”, Maurice (the school support officer) whispered, “Come with me and I’ll show you the ‘Sunshine shower’.”

Archie trusted Maurice, so he took Maurice’s hand and they quickly left the classroom. Outside it was still cold, but the sun was shining brightly.

“Archie, you let your worry grow too big. You didn’t stop it and let it become the boss of you. I’ll show you a way to make you the boss again. Okay?” said Maurice.

Before Archie could answer Maurice swung him around so his back was facing the sun. Archie could feel its warmth.

Maurice continued, “First, find a place where you can be alone. Sit down, close your eyes and be still. Turn your back so you can feel the warm sun on it, and enjoy the warmth! Think of something you like; a game, your rock collection, a favourite movie, your dog Maxima, a place you like visiting, your stick insects Trixie, Dixie and Pixie, a happy time with your family, or think of something you’re looking forward to. You decide on something to think about.”

“Have you got something to think about Archie?” asked Maurice.

“Yes, I’m thinking about Maxima and all the games we can play with her. She’s clever, so I have a lot of games to think about,” replied Archie.

“As you think your happy thoughts the sunshine will wash your worries away,” suggested Maurice.

“Now while you’re thinking I want you to breathe in through your nose. I’ll do it to show you. Come on everyone, I want you to do it with Archie too. (Encourage your students to sit up do this Diaphragmatic breathing; anti-anxiety exercise with you, right now).

“I’ll count slowly to three as you breathe in and fill your tummy with air … 1,2,3 … hold on to it as I count to three … 1,2,3 … now breathe out slowly through your mouth, and keep your lips almost together, as I count to three … 1,2,3 … Easy, isn’t it? It works and the more you do it the better you’ll get.”

“Let’s give it three more tries.”

“In your head, count slowly to three as you breathe in and fill your tummy with air … 1,2,3 … hold on to it as I count to three … 1,2,3 … now breathe out slowly through your mouth, and keep your lips almost together, as I count to three … 1,2,3 …” (Continue two more cycles).

“Well done, Archie and well done everyone. You’ve just learned a precious trick that you can use any time to wash worries away,” said Maurice.

Archie looked into Maurice’s eyes and said, “Hey, Maurice, thanks! Look at my hands they’ve stopped shaking and my tummy feels okay too. What about if we go back in and I show everyone my new rock? It’s called obsidian and it’s glassy and black and comes from a volcano!”

“Great idea,” replied Maurice.

As they walked away Archie asked Maurice a very important question. He wanted to know how he could use the ‘Sunshine Shower’ if there was no sunshine! Maurice told him to find a quiet spot inside and just pretend the sun was on his back. Maurice always had good ideas!

Progressive muscle relaxation technique

Reduce the light a little and light a large candle to signal the beginning of this relaxation. Ambience is important.Find a comfortable place to lie or sit.

Wriggle a bit to get comfortable.Now get ready to recharge.

Begin by thinking about the things that have been hard or unfair for you today. Things that may have made you angry or annoyed. What we are about to do will help you let go of any bad feelings you might be carrying.Be still.Feel your body relaxing.

Lie still and stretch, keeping your back and legs on the floor. Make yourself as long as you can. Hold the stretch (pause). Let it go and relax.

Now do the same with only your right leg. Tense the muscles. Hold them tight (pause). Let the muscles relax. Do the same to the left leg now. Stretch and tighten the leg, then hold it (pause). Let go.

Go to your feet. Right foot first. Wiggle your toes. Now push your toes wide apart. Hold the stretch (pause). Now relax them. Let’s do the left foot ... wiggle your toes and push them wide apart. Hold the stretch (pause). Then relax them.

Let the feeling of relaxation gently move from your legs, up your back and arms, and down into your fingers. Stretch your fingers wide apart, and hold them apart while you count ... one, two, three ... relax them.

Do the same for your shoulders.

Move your thoughts to your face. Close your eyes. Squeeze them tight. Let them relax. Do it again if you want.

Relax your facial muscles because they’ve been talking and smiling all day. Then tighten your face again. Keep it tight to the count of three. Relax your face again. Now tell your mind to relax (pause). You can use this feeling of relaxation whenever you want to slow or calm down.

Keep your eyes closed if you can.

At this point begin reading a relaxation story, part of a novel being enjoyed or finish up.

A ‘Group’ Weather Massage (great for the ‘entire’ family)

A Group Weather Massage is an ideal therapeutic approach to invite sensory de-stress, and most children thoroughly enjoy it!

For those who are not keen to participate allow them to watch. Just watching the group following the instructions and receiving a massage from one another is, to some degree, of restorative value itself. Observers are usually keen to join in the next time!

Instructions

Arrange participants so they are standing in a circle, facing in a clockwise direction. This means that each student is facing the back of the child standing in front of them. Next ask them to move a little closer to one another so they can easily touch the back of the

person in front of them without having to stretch too far. It is a good idea to strategically place yourself into the circle so students have the chance to observe exactly what you are doing. This will strengthen their confidence and enjoyment.

Ask everyone to listen carefully and do exactly as you say because the group massage is about to begin! Remind them to be caring so the person they are massaging enjoys the experience. Let’s begin ...

Using a strong voice, begin the story; "Once upon a time there was a big yellow sun..."Follow up with a gentler voice and give the accompanying instruction; "Place one hand on person’s shoulder in front of you and use the other to firmly rub a large circle on their back to make the big yellow sun."

Strong voice; "... the big yellow sun warmed the whole world."Gentler voice to carry the next instruction; "With both hands draw sunrays on the person’s back shooting out from around the sun travelling across the back."

Strong voice; "Suddenly clouds appear and cover the big yellow sun."Gentler voice; "Make small circles with the pads of fingers on both hands."

Strong voice; "Then, the wind comes along and blows, harder and harder ..."Gentler voice; "Repeatedly, pull hands together right across the person’s back."

Strong voice; "... it builds and builds and the wind turns into a whirlwind."Gentler voice; "With both hands begin at shoulders and make swirling ‘twirling- strokes’ with finger pads and gradually work down the back."

Strong voice; "Then came the lightening."Gentler voice; "Make zig-zaggy lightening run across their back with your fingertips."

Strong voice; "... and thunder."Gentler voice; "Pat both hands over and over on the back."

Strong voice; "... then came the rain."Gentler voice; "With both hands use index fingers to stroke down from the shoulder."

Strong voice; "And, it rained harder and harder..." (Continue, and go faster)

Strong voice; "... until the rain turned to hail."Gentler voice; "Change your finger tip movement to quick, but gentle poking of the back."

Strong voice; "Suddenly, the wind stopped and it began to snow, and everything became blanketed in soft white snow."Gentler voice; "Push and pat the back lightly with open hands. Keep going."

Strong voice; "The only thing to see was the black cat that climbed on to the roof of the house. She wanted to see what was going on. She was followed by her kitten, and by another and another."Gentler voice; "Make one hand climb from lower back up to the shoulders just as if it were a cat climbing up on to the roof. Once your hand reaches their shoulder roll it over from ‘palm’ to ‘back of hand’ as if one of the cats were flopping down to rest. Do one cat at a time. Remember, there are four cats altogether"

Strong voice; "Finally, the fog appeared. Everything becomes still and quiet."Gentler voice; "Lay both hands flat on the upper back."

Strong voice; "Then, the big yellow sun comes back out. It burns the cold fog away and warms up the Earth once again so everyone can go about their day."Gentler voice; "As in the beginning, place one hand on shoulder and use the other to rub a large circle on the back to make the big yellow sun."

Author unknown, but thank you!