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12 Ways to Have a Happy, Healthy Marriage By Rachel Woods, About.com Everyone in this life is affected by marriage, either that of their parents, their own, or their children's. Keeping a marriage strong while surviving life's trials can be a huge strugg le, but learning from other's experiences can help us through these t imes. Here's a list of twelve ways a couple can de velop a happy, hea lthy marriage. 1. Marriage Based on Faith in Jesus Christ 1  A happy marriage will be more easily developed and maintained upo n a firm foundation of faith in Jesus Christ. Elder Marlin K. Jensen of the Sevent y said: "A final gospel truth that will contribute to ou r understanding of and hence the qua li ty of our marriages relates to the degree in which we involve the Savior in our relationships as husbands and wives. As designed by our Heavenly Father, marriage consists of our fi rst entering into a covenant relationship with Christ and then with each other. He and his teachings must be the focal po int of our togetherness. As we beco me more like him and grow closer to him, we will naturally beco me more loving and grow closer to each other" ("A Union of Love and Understanding 2 ,"  Ensign, Oct 1994, 47). 2. Pray Together 3  One of the most common things mentioned in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints when talking about having a happy, healthy marriage is to pray together. President James E. Faust said: "Marriage relationships can be enriched by better communication. One important way is to p ray together. This will resolve many of the differences, if there are any, between the couple before going to sleep.... "We communicate in a t housand ways, such as a smile, a brush o f the hair, a gentle touch.... Some other important words for both husband and wife to say, when appropriate, are, 'I'm sorry.' Listening is also an excellent form of communication." ("Enriching Your Marriage 4 ,"  Ensign, Apr 2007, 4±8). 3. Study the Scriptures Together 5  To really strengthen your marriage study the scriptures 6 daily with your spouse! Here's some great counsel to help you start: "As husband and wife, sit down together in a comfortable and quiet place in your home. Consult the Topical Guide found toward the back o f the LDS edition of the King James B ible. Scan the scriptural topics for areas that you feel might help strengthen your relationship with the Lord, with each ot her, and with your children. Consult the scriptural references listed with each topic, and t hen discuss them. Jot down the insights y ou ga in and the ways you w ill apply these scriptures in your own lives" (Spencer J. Co ndie, "And We Did Liken the Scriptures unto Our Marriage, 7 "  Ensign, Apr 1984, 17).

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12 Ways to Have a Happy, Healthy Marriage

By Rachel Woods, About.com

Everyone in this life is affected by marriage, either that of their parents, their own, or their children's. Keeping a

marriage strong while surviving life's trials can be a huge struggle, but learning from other's experiences canhelp us through these times. Here's a list of twelve ways a couple can develop a happy, healthy marriage.

1. Marriage Based on Faith in Jesus Christ1 

A happy marriage will be more easily developed and maintained upon a firm foundation of faith in Jesus Christ.Elder Marlin K. Jensen of the Seventy said:

"A final gospel truth that will contribute to our understanding of and hence the quality of our marriages relates

to the degree in which we involve the Savior in our relationships as husbands and wives. As designed by our Heavenly Father, marriage consists of our first entering into a covenant relationship with Christ and then with

each other. He and his teachings must be the focal point of our togetherness. As we become more like him andgrow closer to him, we will naturally become more loving and grow closer to each other" ("A Union of Love

and Understanding2,"  Ensign, Oct 1994, 47).

2. Pray Together3 

One of the most common things mentioned in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints when talkingabout having a happy, healthy marriage is to pray together. President James E. Faust said:

"Marriage relationships can be enriched by better communication. One important way is to pray together. This

will resolve many of the differences, if there are any, between the couple before going to sleep....

"We communicate in a thousand ways, such as a smile, a brush of the hair, a gentle touch.... Some other 

important words for both husband and wife to say, when appropriate, are, 'I'm sorry.' Listening is also anexcellent form of communication." ("Enriching Your Marriage

4,"  Ensign, Apr 2007, 4±8).

3. Study the Scriptures Together5 

To really strengthen your marriage study the scriptures6

daily with your spouse! Here's some great counsel tohelp you start:

"As husband and wife, sit down together in a comfortable and quiet place in your home. Consult the Topical

Guide found toward the back of the LDS edition of the King James Bible. Scan the scriptural topics for areasthat you feel might help strengthen your relationship with the Lord, with each other, and with your children.

Consult the scriptural references listed with each topic, and then discuss them. Jot down the insights you gainand the ways you will apply these scriptures in your own lives" (Spencer J. Condie, "And We Did Liken the

Scriptures unto Our Marriage,7"  Ensign, Apr 1984, 17).

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4. Have Charity for Each Other8 

Selflessly giving of oneself is one of the hardest aspects of marriage. Our natural tendency is to be self-focused:

that we make sure we're happy; that we get our way; that we're right. But happiness in marriage cannot beachieved when we put our selfish needs first. President Ezra Taft Benson said:

"Today's inordinate emphasis on individualism brings egotism and separation. Two individuals becoming 'oneflesh' is still the Lord's standard. (See Gen. 2:24.)

"The secret of a happy marriage is to serve God and each other. The goal of marriage is unity and oneness, as

well as self-development. Paradoxically, the more we serve one another, the greater is our spiritual andemotional growth" ("Salvation²A Family Affair 

9,"  Ensign, Jul 1992, 2).

5. Only Use Kind Words

It's easy to be kind and say loving words when you're happy with your spouse, but what about when you're

upset, frustrated, annoyed or angry? It's better to walk away and say nothing then to say something hurtful andmean. Wait until you're calm so you can discuss the situation without negative emotions tempting you to say

something that would be hurtful and damaging.

Saying unkind words in the form of a joke or with sarcasm is an abusive technique10

that people use to avoid being responsible for their words/actions by forcing the blame on the other person, making it their fault that

their feelings were hurt because they "just couldn't take a joke."

6. Show Gratitude11 

Showing genuine gratitude, to both God and a spouse, shows love and strengthens marriage. Giving thanks iseasy and should be done for both the little and the big things, especially those things a spouse does on a daily

 basis.

"In the enriching of marriage, the big things are the little things. There must be constant appreciation for eachother and thoughtful demonstration of gratitude. A couple must encourage and help each other grow. Marriage

is a joint quest for the good, the beautiful, and the divine" (James E. Faust, "Enriching Your Marriage12

,  Ensign,Apr 2007, 4±8).

7. Give Thoughtful Gifts

An important way to maintain a happy, healthy marriage is to give your spouse a gift now and then. It doesn'tneed to cost a lot of money, if any, but it does need to be thoughtful. The thought put into a special gift will tell

your spouse how much you love them- much more than a gift of monetary value ever can. Unless your spouse's"Love Language

13" is gifts, then you don't need to give them often, but it would be highly advisable to still give

an occasional gift.

One of the twenty suggestions by Brother Linford is to give "occasional gifts... such as a note, a needed item- but mostly gifts of time and self" (Richard W. Linford, "Twenty Ways to Make a Good Marriage Great

14,"

 Ensign, Dec 1983, 64).

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8. Choose to Be Happy15 

Just like being happy in life, being happy in marriage is a choice. We can choose to say unkind words or we can

choose to hold our tongue. We can choose to be angry or we can choose to forgive. We can choose to work for a happy, healthy marriage or we can choose not to.

I really like this quote by Sister Gibbons, "Marriage demands work. A happy marriage exacts the very best of us. Yet above all, maintaining a successful marriage is a choice" (Janette K. Gibbons, "Seven Steps to

Strengthen a Marriage16,"  Ensign, Mar 2002, 24). The attitude we have about our marriage is a choice: we can be positive or we can be negative.

9. Keep Stress Levels Low17 

It's so much harder to react rationally and kindly when we are stressed. Learning how to lower our level of 

stress, especially in regard to finances, is a great way to have a happy, healthier marriage.

"What do airplanes and marriages have in common? Relatively little, except stress points. In airplanes, stress points are the parts that are vulnerable to a lot of wear and tear....

"Like airplanes, marriages have stress points.... As engineers of our own marriages, therefore, we need to beaware of the specific stress points in our marriages so that we can strengthen our vulnerabilities" (Richard Tice,"Making Airplanes and Marriages Fly

18,"  Ensign, Feb 1989, 66).

10. Continue to Date19 

Continuing to date each other will help keep the spark in your marriage. It takes a little planning and prioritizing

 but the results are worth it. You don't have to spend much money to have a fun date, but can easily findsomething enjoyable to do together.

"Time spent together sharing interests helps a couple grow closer and gives them a chance to relax and take a break from daily stresses. Perhaps most important, dates help a couple build a reserve of love. Filled with

memories of good times and strong positive feelings, this reserve can help them through difficult times of stressdisagreement, and trial" (Emily C. Orgill, "Date Night²at Home

21,"  Ensign, Apr 1991, 57).

11. It Takes Time

"Marriage, like any other worthwhile activity, requires time and energy. It takes at least as much time to keep amarriage in shape as it does for a weight lifter to keep his body in shape. No one would try to run a business,

 build a house, or rear children on two to three hours a week. In fact, the more two people who love each other interact, the stronger their bond becomes" (Dee W. Hadley, "It Takes Time

22,"  Ensign, Dec 1987, 29).

12. Love Conquers All

And finally, "love conquers all." It really does. I strongly believe that love and respect go hand in hand. Without

love you can't respect your spouse and without respect how can you love your spouse? You can't. So build your love for each other by respecting one another.

"A false notion about marriage is a too-common belief in the fairy tale phrase, 'They married and lived happily

ever after.' To achieve marital happiness, it is necessary that couples work together to overcome difficulties andtemptations, and they must show a willingness to meet the other challenges that will always be a part of their 

married life together" (Dale F. Pearson, "'Love Conquers All'... And Other Fanciful Notions23

,"  Ensign, Jun1973, 14)

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