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12 Ways to Have a Happy, Healthy MarriageByRachel Bruner, About.com Guide

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marriage

eternal families

Everyone in this life is affected by marriage, either that of their parents, their own, or their children's.Keeping a marriage strong while surviving life's trials can be a huge struggle, but learning from other'sexperiences can help us through these times. Here's a list of twelve ways a couple can develop ahappy, healthy marriage.

1. Marriage Based on Faith in Jesus Christ

A Happy, Healthy Marriage

A happy marriage will be more easily developed and maintained upon a firm foundation of faith inJesus Christ. Elder Marlin K. Jensen of the Seventy said:

"A final gospel truth that will contribute to our understanding of and hence the quality of our marriagesrelates to the degree in which we involve the Savior in our relationships as husbands and wives. Asdesigned by our Heavenly Father, marriage consists of our first entering into a covenant relationshipwith Christ and then with each other. He and his teachings must be the focal point of our togetherness.As we become more like him and grow closer to him, we will naturally become more loving and growcloser to each other" ("A Union of Love and Understanding," Ensign, Oct 1994, 47).

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2. Pray TogetherOne of the most common things mentioned in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints whentalking about having a happy, healthy marriage is to pray together. President James E. Faust said:

"Marriage relationships can be enriched by better communication. One important way is to praytogether. This will resolve many of the differences, if there are any, between the couple before goingto sleep....

"We communicate in a thousand ways, such as a smile, a brush of the hair, a gentle touch.... Someother important words for both husband and wife to say, when appropriate, are, 'I'm sorry.' Listening is

also an excellent form of communication." ("Enriching Your Marriage," Ensign, Apr 2007, 48).

3. Study the Scriptures TogetherTo really strengthen your marriage study the scriptures daily with your spouse! Here's some greatcounsel to help you start:

"As husband and wife, sit down together in a comfortable and quiet place in your home. Consult theTopical Guide found toward the back of the LDS edition of the King James Bible. Scan the scripturaltopics for areas that you feel might help strengthen your relationship with the Lord, with each other,and with your children. Consult the scriptural references listed with each topic, and then discuss them.

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Jot down the insights you gain and the ways you will apply these scriptures in your own lives" (SpencerJ. Condie, "And We Did Liken the Scriptures unto Our Marriage," Ensign, Apr 1984, 17).

4. Have Charity for Each OtherSelflessly giving of oneself is one of the hardest aspects of marriage. Our natural tendency is to beself-focused: that we make sure we're happy; that we get our way; that we're right. But happiness inmarriage cannot be achieved when we put our selfish needs first. President Ezra Taft Benson said:

"Today's inordinate emphasis on individualism brings egotism and separation. Two individualsbecoming 'one flesh' is still the Lord's standard. (See Gen. 2:24.)

"The secret of a happy marriage is to serve God and each other. The goal of marriage is unity andoneness, as well as self-development. Paradoxically, the more we serve one another, the greater is ourspiritual and emotional growth" ("SalvationA Family Affair,"Ensign, Jul 1992, 2).

5. Only Use Kind WordsIt's easy to be kind and say loving words when you're happy with your spouse, but what about whenyou're upset, frustrated, annoyed or angry? It's better to walk away and say nothing then to saysomething hurtful and mean. Wait until you're calm so you can discuss the situation without negativeemotions tempting you to say something that would be hurtful and damaging.

Saying unkind words in the form of a joke or with sarcasm is an abusive techniquethat people use to

avoid being responsible for their words/actions by forcing the blame on the other person, making ittheir fault that their feelings were hurt because they "just couldn't take a joke."

6. Show GratitudeShowing genuine gratitude, to both God and a spouse, shows love and strengthens marriage. Givingthanks is easy and should be done for both the little and the big things, especially those things aspouse does on a daily basis.

"In the enriching of marriage, the big things are the little things. There must be constant appreciationfor each other and thoughtful demonstration of gratitude. A couple must encourage and help eachother grow. Marriage is a joint quest for the good, the beautiful, and the divine" (James E.Faust,"Enriching Your Marriage, Ensign, Apr 2007, 48).

7. Give Thoughtful GiftsAn important way to maintain a happy, healthy marriage is to give your spouse a gift now and then. Itdoesn't need to cost a lot of money, if any, but it does need to be thoughtful. The thought put into aspecial gift will tell your spouse how much you love them- much more than a gift of monetary valueever can. Unless your spouse's "Love Language" is gifts, then you don't need to give them often, but itwould be highly advisable to still give an occasional gift.

One of the twenty suggestions by Brother Linford is to give "occasional gifts... such as a note, aneeded item- but mostly gifts of time and self" (Richard W. Linford, "Twenty Ways to Make a GoodMarriage Great," Ensign, Dec 1983, 64).

8. Choose to Be HappyJust like being happy in life, being happy in marriage is a choice. We can choose to say unkind wordsor we can choose to hold our tongue. We can choose to be angry or we can choose to forgive. We canchoose to work for a happy, healthy marriage or we can choose not to.

I really like this quote by Sister Gibbons, "Marriage demands work. A happy marriage exacts the verybest of us. Yet above all, maintaining a successful marriage is a choice" (Janette K. Gibbons, "SevenSteps to Strengthen a Marriage," Ensign, Mar 2002, 24). The attitude we have about our marriage is achoice: we can be positive or we can be negative.

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9. Keep Stress Levels LowIt's so much harder to react rationally and kindly when we are stressed. Learning how to lower ourlevel of stress, especially in regard to finances, is a great way to have a happy, healthier marriage.

"What do airplanes and marriages have in common? Relatively little, except stress points. In airplanes,stress points are the parts that are vulnerable to a lot of wear and tear....

"Like airplanes, marriages have stress points.... As engineers of our own marriages, therefore, we needto be aware of the specific stress points in our marriages so that we can strengthen our vulnerabilities"(Richard Tice, "Making Airplanes and Marriages Fly,"Ensign, Feb 1989, 66).

10. Continue to DateContinuing to date each other will help keep the spark in your marriage. It takes a little planning andprioritizing but the results are worth it. You don't have to spend much money to have a fun date, butcan easily find something enjoyable to do together, such as going to the temple together or doing oneofthese dating ideas.

"Time spent together sharing interests helps a couple grow closer and gives them a chance to relaxand take a break from daily stresses. Perhaps most important, dates help a couple build a reserve oflove. Filled with memories of good times and strong positive feelings, this reserve can help themthrough difficult times of stress, disagreement, and trial" (Emily C. Orgill, "Date NightatHome," Ensign, Apr 1991, 57).

11. It Takes TimeBuilding a happy, health marriage takes a lot of hard work, time, and patience- but it is possible!

"Marriage, like any other worthwhile activity, requires time and energy. It takes at least as much timeto keep a marriage in shape as it does for a weight lifter to keep his body in shape. No one would try torun a business, build a house, or rear children on two to three hours a week. In fact, the more twopeople who love each other interact, the stronger their bond becomes" (Dee W. Hadley, "It TakesTime," Ensign, Dec 1987, 29).

12. Complete FidelityTo keep their covenants of marriage a husband and wife must always been completely faithful to eachother. Trust and respect are built upon this faithfulness, while breaking thelaw of chastity, even withsomething as seemingly harmless as flirting, can destroy the sacred bond of matrimony.

I strongly believe that love and respect go hand in hand. Without love you can't respect your spouseand without respect how can you love your spouse? You can't. So build your love for each other byrespecting one another and always being true and faithful to your spouse.

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