126 That Ol' Black Magic

The Fairly OddParents

“That Ol’ Black Magic”

#126

Written By:Butch Hartman and Steve Marmel

First Draft:4/10/01Second Draft:4/26/01Third Draft:5/8/01Final Draft:5/22/01

Nickelodeon Animation Studiosc 2000 Viacom International Inc. All rights reserved

The Fairly OddParents: That Ol’ Black Magic” final script by Butch Hartman and Steve Marmel 5.22.01 1

The Fairly OddParents: That Ol’ Black Magic” final script by Butch Hartman and Steve Marmel 5.22.01

FADE IN:

INT. - THE TURNER’S CAR - DAY

DAD drives. MOM sits in the passenger seat. Cars whip past them as they creep along at 55 MPH exactly. TIMMY’s in the back, playing a GAMEBOY-LIKE DEVICE.

TIMMYAre we at the amusement park yet, Dad?

DADDon’t be in such a rush, Timmy! It’s Friday the 13th, which means we have to be extra careful today!

MOM Safety first, sweetie! (to Dad)And here are your two cell phones, honey!

Dad grabs the PHONES and starts driving with his feet.

DADHello, Mr. Turner? It’s me! Mr. Turner! I’m driving with my feet!

(lovingly to feet)Is there anything you two can’t do?

Dad swerves. We push in ON GAMEBOY VIDEO SCREEN - A VIDEO COSMO and WANDA pound the crap out of a VIDEO VICKY. Cosmo and Wanda shoot a worried look at Timmy.

WANDAWe really shouldn’t rush, Timmy! It is Friday the thirteenth!

COSMOYeah! We gotta be extra careful! What’s the big hurry, anyway?

TIMMYWe’re going to Adren-a-land! The greatest amusement park on Earth! I’m not gonna let some dumb superstition slow us down!

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WANDAI thought you liked that other amusement park: Escalator Land!

TIMMYNo way! That park was for babies.

RIPPLE DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. - ESCALATOR LAND - DAY - 5 YEARS AGO

Mom, Dad and Timmy - age 5 - are jammed on an ESCALATOR full of PEOPLE going up.

TIMMYDad? When do we get to the ride?

DAD(thrilled) This is the ride!

MOM AND DADWHEEEEEEEEE!!!!

RIPPLE DISSOLVE BACK TO:

INT. - CAR - SAME TIME

Video Cosmo and Wanda defeat the Video Vicky. Cosmo continues jumping up and down on it as they talk.

TIMMYBut Adren-A-land is for kids ten and over! And I’m finally ten! Or over! Which means...

ON WINDOW as they approach ADREN-A-LAND. In the distance, we see an enormous ROLLER COASTER.

TIMMY...I’m finally big enough to the ride the Spleen Puncher!!!

ON ROLLER COASTER as the coaster cars crest the top of a hill. An enormous MECHANICAL FIST punches them off the track and os. All the RIDERS squeal with delight/terror.

COSMO(totally excited)

Cool! Are you gonna throw up, Timmy?

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TIMMYYou bet! I’ve been practicing all week! Watch!!!

INSTANTLY CUT TO:

EXT. - ADREN-A-LAND - LATER

A huge DISNEYLAND-TYPE SIGN reads: “ADREN-A-LAND!” with a NEON ANIMATED HEART THAT GROWS, GROWS AND THEN EXPLODES. Pan down to the overcrowded parking lot as the Turner’s car pulls in.

ON CAR - Timmy gets out carrying Cosmo and Wanda, disguised as BALLOONS. He takes a few steps when Wanda quickly floats him up off the ground.

COSMOWhoa, sport! Watch where you’re stepping! “Step on a crack, break your mother’s back!”

TIMMYAw, come on... that’s just some stupid superstition!

Timmy hovers over a CRACK IN THE SIDEWALK.

WANDAWatch it, Timmy! On Friday the 13th, the anti-fairies escape from Fairyworld and cause bad luck everywhere!

COSMOYeah! They’re like regular fairies, only anti! And Friday the 13th is their Christmas!

Timmy lets go of the balloon strings and drops down, landing on the crack.

MOM (O.S.)AAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!

Cosmo and Wanda POOF into LUGGAGE on the car roof. Dad ZIPS into frame.

DADWho stepped on a crack!?!

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TIMMYUh... you did?

Dad looks angrily at his feet, then produces a MISSION IMPOSSIBLE-TYPE BRIEFCASE.

DAD Darn me! Good thing I’ve got my briefcase full of good luck charms!

The briefcase snaps open, revealing DOZENS OF GOOD LUCK CHARMS - LUCKY HORSESHOES, FOUR LEAF CLOVERS, ETC. Dad hands Timmy a horseshoe.

DAD(dramatic) Take this. It’ll stop bad luck. It’s too late for your Mom...

MOM -- wearing a METAL HEAD AND NECK BRACE and WALKING ON CRUTCHES -- heroically ambles through scene.

MOMMust..enjoy..weekend..with..family...

Timmy and the Godparents - now as BIRDS - follow Mom os.

DISSOLVE TO:

PARK TICKET BOOTH - MOMENTS LATER

They stop at the entrance to the Park. Mom and Dad go to the ticket booth as Timmy reads a sign: “The Following Rides are Open Today: “ALL OF THEM.”

TIMMY All the rides are open! Including my favorite - the Spleen Puncher! Nothing could possibly ruin this day!

A BLACK CAT <<MEOWS>> as it crosses Timmy’s path. A sign next to SPLEEN PUNCHER flips down: “CLOSED”.

TIMMY“Closed?” Darn it!

Timmy angrily stomps on the ground and steps on another crack as Mom and Dad walk into scene.

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MOMAaaaaaaghhhhhhh!!!!

Mom collapses in pain, and her head brace shatters when she hits the ground. Dad, sits next to her, angrily yelling at his feet.

DADCurse you my own two feet! Stop hurting my wife!

(to Timmy)No time to talk! Quick! Take this 37 leaf clover and go enjoy yourself!

Mom gives Timmy his TICKET and Dad’s clover.

MOMGo on...

Timmy instantly runs os and into the park.

TIMMY (O.S.)Feel better!

MOM ...without me...

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. - ADREN-A-LAND - LATER

Timmy and the Godparents - still birds - run up to the KIDNEY TWISTER. It’s open and twisting.

TIMMYThe Spleen Puncher might be down, but I can still ride the Kidney Twister!

Timmy is so excited, he swings his hands in the air and smacks a MIRROR that was right next to him. It shatters, and the ride sign flips to “CLOSED.”

TIMMY Darn it!

CUT TO:

ANOTHER PART OF THE PARK

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Timmy runs up to the LIVER LANCER. It’s open and lancing.

TIMMY Oh, boy! The Liver Lancer!

Timmy walks under a ladder. The sign flips to “Closed.”

TIMMY RRRRRRRRR....

CUT TO:

ANOTHER PART OF THE PARK

Timmy stops next to a FOUNTAIN. Cosmo and Wanda POOF in as TRASH CANS.

WANDAFor someone who doesn’t believe in bad luck, you’re sure getting a lot of it!

TIMMYI don’t believe in luck. But I do subscribe to the theory of horribly inconvenient coincidences.

A GUY IN A SALT SHAKER SUIT enters.

SALT GUYSalt! Get your tasty salt here! Take it and put it on stuff! Salt!

WIDE SHOT OF TIMMY IN THE CENTER OF THE PARK with various RIDES and COASTERS all in motion.

TIMMYI mean, look at all these awesome rides! They can’t all break down! I’m gonna stay positive!

Timmy swings his arm in a “gee whiz” manner, his elbow knocking over the GUY IN THE SALT SUIT.

SALT GUYOoooof!

Every ride in the park instantly grinds to a halt, and falls apart.

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TIMMYNew theory. I’m having bad luck.

A CAT walks up and starts licking the COSMO TRASH CAN.

COSMO Ooo! Scratchy cat tongue!

TIMMYThat’s it! I wish my bad luck would stop!

WANDAUh, Timmy, we’re not allowed to interfere with anti-fairies!

TIMMYWell, where are they? I don’t see any anti-fairies here!

WANDAYou can only see them with these anti-fairy goggles!

POOF! Timmy is wearing anti-fairy GOGGLES that look like regular sunglasses -- except of course, for the rotating radar dish that sticks up from the nose bridge of the glasses. Timmy looks ridiculous.

COSMOStylish and functional!

Timmy’s POV - A COUPLE OF ANTI-FAIRIES - They’re negative images of regular fairy.

TIMMYHey! I can see one!

ANGLE ON: AN ANTI-FAIRY next to a HOT DOG STAND, nervously looking around.

TIMMY Why are they picking on me?

WANDAOh, they pick on everybody! But on Friday the 13th, they slip away from Fairyworld and cause trouble! See?

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A PARK PATRON walks up and buys a hot dog. The Anti-fairy opens up a CAT TRAVEL CASE and releases a BLACK CAT, which walks past the park patron and os. The ANTI-FAIRY waves his wand. Suddenly, a WRECKING BALL swings in out of nowhere, crushing the vendor, the patron and the hot dog cart. The patron rises from the wreckage.

PARK PATRONAnybody seen my teeth?

HOT DOG VENDORYo.

The Hot Dog Vendor lifts his hand, holding said TEETH. Suddenly, a second, MOUTH-SIZED WRECKING BALL swings into frame, knocking the teeth out of the guy’s hand.

ON TIMMY

TIMMYThat’s terrible!

He stomps foot angrily and steps on another crack just as his Dad, followed by Mom wearing a brightly colored Adren-A-Land neck brace, walks into scene.

TIMMY’S POV - through the goggles, an Anti-Fairy whips out a giant negative JACKHAMMER and hammers Mom’s back.

MOMAAAAAGGHHH!

Mom drops. Nearby, a REPAIRMAN is hunched over, trying to figure out what the hell is going on with his park. He has, you guessed it, droopy pants revealing - very tastefully - his butt-crack. Dad stands heroically, placing one leg on the man’s back. He holds up spackle and a trowel.

DADThat’s it! I’m not leaving until every crack in this park is filled!

They both look at the man’s butt... The REPAIRMAN freaks and runs. Dad follows.

DAD Come back!

Dad runs OS. Timmy looks at the Anti-fairy.

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TIMMYHey, you!

TIMMY’S POV: The Anti-Fairy knows he’s busted and POOFS away. Timmy talks to his Cosmo and Wanda TRASH BINS.

TIMMYThose anti-fairies are hurting my mom! And ruining my day!

(beat; off Wanda’s glare)And hurting my Mom. I wanna talk to those anti-fairies right now!

Cosmo and Wanda wave their wands. POOF! Timmy runs to the new-magic DOOR and opens it.

TIMMY’S POV -It’s an entrance to Fairy World!

TIMMYAwesome!

Timmy grabs a SODA, downs it in one manly shot, crushes the cup and tosses it into Cosmo’s mouth.

TIMMY Let’s go kick some anti-butt.

Timmy and the Godparents go through the door and into...

CUT TO:

EXT. - FAIRYWORLD - DAY

Timmy - still wearing the goggles - and the Godparents, appear in Fairyworld at the corner of “Penn” and “Teller.” Everything is sparkles, twinkles and magic.

TIMMYWe’re in Fairyworld! Where are the anti-fairies?

COSMOOver there!

Cosmo points. Timmy looks OS. to see...

Timmy’s POV - A giant TRANSPARENT BARRIER reaches from the ground to the sky. Anti-fairies, anti-buildings, anti-sparkles and anti-magic can be seen. Basically, it’s a

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negative image of fairy world. JORGEN stands at the entrance, brandishing his wand.

WANDA (O.S.)And Jorgen’s guarding the door!

JORGENOf course I am! And if these anti-fairies want to get to Earth, they will have to go through me!

TIMMYThey already have gotten through!

JORGENNot my shift.

Timmy walks up to the barrier.

JORGENNo one is allowed in anti-fairy world!

TIMMYThen I wish they were all out here!

WANDA AND JORGENNo!

Too late. The barrier crumbles...and dozens of ANTI-FAIRIES pour out like a swarm of killer bees. Cosmo, Wanda and Jorgen are swept away in a sea of Anti-Fairies.

ANTI-FAIRIES(triumphant walla)

Timmy boldly stands in middle of the hurricane of anti-fairies and tries to talk to them as they whiz past.

TIMMY Hey, I wanna...Listen, you I...I need to have a word with...

(to Cosmo and Wanda)Why won’t you stop?

ANTI-COSMO floats up to Timmy. He is an anti-fairy version of Cosmo.

ANTI-COSMOActually, Timothy, why should we?

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TIMMYCosmo?

ANTI-COSMOI’m the anti-fairy Cosmo. I’m not an idiot in any manner whatsoever!

ANTI-WANDAAnd I’m the Anti-Wanda! I’m incredibly stupid and eat with my feet!

A SANDWICH POOFS into scene, she grabs it with her feet and begins eating it like a monkey.

ANTI-COSMOYou see, we’ve been trapped behind that darn barrier for centuries! But we knew some Friday the 13th, some child would be stupid enough to have his fairies bring him here and wish all of us free!! You’re our hero! Our big, stupid hero!

Anti-Cosmo hangs a MEDAL around Timmy’s neck. An anti-fairy PHOTOGRAPHER flies in, snaps a photo of Ant-Cosmo and Timmy, then zips away.

ANTI-FAIRY PHOTOGRAPHERWhat a scoop!

POOF! a flashbulb goes off and the photographer joins the rest of the swarm as they all move off stage... and out the magic door that Timmy left open.

TIMMYOh no, this is really bad! Isn’t it?

Jorgen, with Cosmo and Wanda at “wand” point, enters.

COSMOI’ll say! That anti-Cosmo made me feel like an idiot!

A sandwich POOFS IN as Cosmo eats it with his feet.

WANDA

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It’s not bad yet. As long as they’re here in Fairy World, we can always round them up later!

ON THE BATHROOM DOOR ENTRANCE INTO FAIRY WORLD

Dad opens the door and pops his head in.

DADHey! This isn’t the men’s room!

(to his feet)You’ve betrayed me again!

Dad walks away, leaving the door to Earth wide open! The swarm of anti-fairies instantly zooms through the door and into the amusement park!

WANDAJorgen, you have to get them back!

JORGENAnd I will! I will use every erg of my awesome fairy powers to...

SFX: A “Shift’s over” whistle blows. Jorgen takes out a TIME CARD and sticks it in a nearby PUNCH CLOCK. Jorgen poofs up a BATHROBE and fuzzy SLIPPERS.

JORGEN Shifts over. Time to take a big swim in “lake Jorgen.”

Jorgen walks os as AN OUT OF SHAPE FAIRY - Jorgen’s replacement - punches in -- POOFS UP a recliner -- sits down and INSTANTLY falls asleep.

TIMMYI guess it’s up to us.

COSMOYa think?

CUT TO:

EXT. - ADREN-A-LAND - SAME TIME

The Anti-fairies flood into the park from the bathroom door. Timmy runs out of the bathroom, followed by Cosmo and Wanda who are disguised as BIRDS.

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TIMMYAw, man! The anti-fairies are gone!

TIMMY’S POV - as he watches the last of the Anti-fairies fly over the amusement park wall.

COSMOAnd look! Everyone’s had bad luck!!

VARIOUS SHOTS AROUND PARK - the park is in ruins -- People lying around with back pain amidst broken mirrors, with black cats licking their faces. Everyone is in misery, except for two people: Timmy’s Dad and Mom.

Dad wears a RABBIT’S FOOT KEY CHAIN COAT and MOM is covered, head-to-toe in HORSESHOES -- which, though lucky, are extremely heavy. Timmy runs up to them.

TIMMYDad! Mom! You’re okay!

DADYes! And I made good-luck suits for your mother and myself!

MOMThank goodness Timmy’s fine.Let’s go find a working ride!

Dad bounds os as Mom drags her horseshoe-laden self slowly and loudly os. Cosmo and Wanda fly up to Timmy.

COSMOTimmy! The whole world’s falling apart! Look at this conveniently-placed, big screen television!

WIDEN TO REVEAL A BIG SCREEN TV right next to Timmy. A NEWSCAST is on with CHET UBECHA.

CHET UBETCHABad luck...Amuck! I’m Chet Ubetcha!

MONTAGE - VARIOUS SCENES AROUND THE WORLD - bad luck is happening to everyone in the world.

CHET UBETCHA Whether it’s Paris...

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EXT. PARIS

THE SALT GUY walks into frame, on a cellular phone.

SALT GUYYeah, Dad, being the Eifel Tower salt guy is MUCH better than the last job I had...

He trips and falls, spilling salt. The EIFEL TOWER instantly falls over.

CHET UBETCHA Egypt...

EXT. EGYPT

THE SALT GUY’S DAD - also in a salt suit - walks by the pyramids, on his cell phone.

DAD SALT GUYSon? Son? Are you okay?

He trips, spilling salt as he does The PYRAMIDS collapse.

CHET UBETCHA Or right here in the greatest country on Earth...bad luck runs rampant!

INT. THE WHITE HOUSE - SAME TIME

A young PRESIDENT stands with a FIVE STAR GENERAL.

GENERALMr. President, whatever you do, don’t touch that big red button next to the salt!

The President knocks over the salt, spilling it.

PRESIDENTYou mean this button?

He hits the button. The screen turns into the “Emergency Test Bulletin” screen, complete with the BLARING “EEEEEEEE” noise.

ON TIMMY AND THE GODPARENTS

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TIMMYWe gotta get the anti-fairies back to Fairy world!

WANDAHow are we gonna find them??

TIMMYWe’re not.

Timmy grabs another SODA swallows it in one gulp and crushes the cup.

TIMMY We’ll make them come to us.

Cosmo and Wanda look at each other solemnly. They dramatically raise their wands. POOF! They all disappear.

EXT. - DESERT - DAY - SAME TIME

The trio poof! into scene. PULL BACK TO SEE they’re standing in the middle of a Nevada Nuclear Test Site. Surrounding them are: A BUNCH OF MIRRORS - A BUNCH OF LADDERS - AND A BUNCH OF SALT SHAKERS.

TIMMYAnti-fairies have to go where the bad luck happens, right?

COSMO/WANDA (nervous) Right.

TIMMYLet’s get unlucky. (beat) Oh! Hang on.

Timmy pulls out another SODA and manly crushes the paper cup. Soda splashes all over him.

TIMMY Note to self: Drink first. Crush after.

Timmy starts walking under LADDERS. POOF! A HAMMER appears in his hand and he starts smashing MIRRORS. Timmy starts tipping over SALT SHAKERS.

TIMMY

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The more bad luck I cause, the more anti-fairies will have to come here. And once they’re here, we’ll trick ‘em back to Anti-Fairy world.

All the mirrors are broken, the ladders walked under, and the salt shakers tipped over.

TIMMY (To Cosmo and Wanda) Hit me.

They wave their wands. POOF! From over the horizon, a huge BLACK CAT lumbers into scene...

CAT(Huge roar) MEOOOOOOOOOOWWW!

...and thunders across Timmy’s path. Beat. Then we hear a low rumble. Timmy looks nervously at the Godparents.

TIMMYIf I don’t make it out of here...

From over the horizon, we see a huge black cloud of Anti-fairies bearing down on Timmy.

TIMMY ...tell my Dad...he’s weird.

ON THE ANTI-FAIRIES ZOOMING AT TIMMY

ANTI-FAIRY 2Get him!

The Anti-fairies wave their wands, but... POOF! Cosmo and Wanda make him disappear. A U.S. missile lands in the place where he was standing.

ANTI-FAIRY 1Darn it! We missed!

CUT TO:

INT. - THE WHITE HOUSE - SAME TIME

The President stands next to the general.

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GENERALMr. President, you almost caused a nuclear war. What are you going to do next?

PRESIDENTI’m going to Escalatorland!!!

The president eats a sandwich with his feet.

CUT TO:

INT. - ADREN-A-LAND - SECONDS LATER

ON THE ENTRANCE TO THE BATHROOM

Timmy appears in front of the bathroom door entrance to Fairy World. You know, the one Dad opened earlier. Cosmo and Wanda appear next to Timmy.

TIMMY’S POV - the Anti-Fairies hurtle towards him in the distance.

ON ANTI-COSMO AND ANTI-WANDA

ANTI-COSMOWhat is he doing?

ON TIMMY - He casually picks up a handheld mirror and shatters it into a million pieces. The Anti-fairies go insane. Now’s their chance!

ANTI-COSMOAAAAAARRRRRGGGHHH!!

They all ZIP OS.

CUT TO:

ON TIMMY - Just as they’re about to hit him... POOF! He disappears and all the anti-fairies swarm into the bathroom, AKA entrance to Fairy World. The door slams shut and Timmy POOFS! back into scene where he hangs an “Out of Order sign” on the door.

CUT TO:

EXT. - FAIRYWORLD - SAME TIME

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The anti-fairies pour into fairy world via the bathroom door. The door slams behind them and disappears. They stand next to the sleeping, out-of-shape fairy.

ANTI-WANDAHey! That kid tricked us back into Fairy world!

ANTI-COSMODon’t worry. We’ll get back. Who’s gonna stop us... that fairy?

SFX: SHIFT CHANGE WHISTLE. The sleeping fairy gets up. He punches his time card. Jorgen steps in.

JORGEN So many anti-bones, so little time.

CUT TO:

EXT. - ADREN-A-LAND - BATHROOM - SAME TIME

Timmy and the Godparents listen as the sound of tremendous beatings emanate from the bathroom.

ANTI-FAIRIES (O.S.)Ouch! Oooch! Aaagh! Eeech!!!

Cosmo and Wanda smile at each other then POOF! into BUSHES as Timmy’s parents walk into scene.

DAD(re: bathroom)

Wow. That guy needs more fiber! C’mon, Timmy, this park is dangerous!

MOM (WEAKLY)Let’s..go..have...family..fun..!

TIMMYOkay! Like what?

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. ESCALATOR LAND AMUSEMENT PARK - LATER

Dad, Mom and Timmy ride an escalator full of people. Cosmo and Wanda are next to Timmy disguised as Balloons.

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DADI’ve never felt more alive!!!

The escalator grinds to a halt. The riders groan in disapproval. WIDEN TO REVEAL the President on the escalator as well.

PRESIDENTWhen do we get to the ride?

DADThis is the ride!

DAD/PRESIDENTWHEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

Timmy rolls his eyes.

TIMMY(to Cosmo and Wanda)

Next year we’re going camping.

FADE OUT.

THE END

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126 That Ol' Black Magic