THESCRIBE

Vol. XII, Issue 4 Francis Parker School April 2010

TOC

2 THE SCRIBE

PEOPLE WHO SPEAK UP

PEOPLE WHO MAKE NEWS

PEOPLE WHO ENTERTAIN

PEOPLE WHO PLAY

PEOPLE, PLACES & THINGS

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Front cover design by Laura Hinman

Back cover design by Elizabeth Stanfel

Editor’s Note / Barometer (p. 4)GBU: The good, the bad and the ugly (p. 5)Crossfire: Interim (p. 6)Francis Parker, Assemble (p. 7)Associated Secret Body: A look into the exclusivity of the ASB (p. 8)

A look into how the media negatively affects the self esteem of teenage girls. (p. 9)

By Kara JonesSpring sports: Season preview (p. 16-17)

Get the lowdown on what other people were doing during interim week. (p. 10-11)

By Claire Bryan, Haley Robinson, Kaity Wilson and Meagan Harris.

imTripsFreshman Program

Classes

internships

inter

Remember Wayne’s World? Read about that along with other movies inspired by SNL skits including the upcoming MacGruber. (p. 12)

Coachella: Your guide to the best weekend of your life (p. 14)

What do you want to do before you die? (p. 13)

Spring concert preview (p. 15)

Carpooling with Esch and Maunu (p. 18-19)Dear Claire2 and Ben & Hen (p. 20)Quad Rants (p.21)

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Scribe Staff

Editors-in-ChiefHannah OstrowMichael Zamost

Managing EditorAlia Kiran

Editorials EditorMatthias Nikaj

Features EditorsMeagan Harris

Maddie Thurman

Entertainment EditorsSuzanna Ahern

Berkeley Cavignac

Sports EditorsMichael SchreinerCameron Songer

Etcetera EditorsLiza Gurtin

Elizabeth Stanfel

Graphic DesignerLaura Hinman

Staff WritersBrian Alpert

Nicole AquinoAly Barrett

Claire BryanMarisa Canepa

Sloan ChristopherErica FinferEmily Heft

Anna HobbsKara Jones

Simone LeonardSara LinssenKira Newton

Walker NewtonGrace Paluch

Madeline PeelingBen Peters

Claire ReinerHaley RobinsonHenry Thurman

Kaity Wilson

ConsultantMichelle Adelman

AdviserNancy Danzo

2009-10

Share with us any questions, concerns, or comments you have about the magazine. Your opinions matter.

Email us at fpscribe@gmail.com

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Editor’s Note As much as our readers enjoy reading the annual Scribble edition of The Scribe, the creation of the issue invariably causes a great deal of tension be-tween staff members. The tensions take root when our journalism class be-gins brainstorming article ideas for The Scribble... and realizes that people care way more about ficti-tious news than they care about real news. If given the choice of perusing either a hilarious, albeit fictional, piece of prose or a cold, hard news story, Parker students will inevi-tably choose the former. And I don’t blame them. How can anything serious compete with The Scrib-ble’s Gossip Girl column? A great man once wrote, “Beauty is truth, truth beauty, -that is all ye know on earth...” We have every reason to believe that when Keats cast those immortal words onto his first manuscript of Ode on a Grecian Urn, he was, in fact, referencing The Scribe. Despite the fact that it’s a work of nonfiction, page 20’s “Man Talk/Girl Talk” is staggeringly genius. Likewise, “Carpooling,” found on pages 18-19, displays Mr. Maunu and Mr. Esch at their finest and at their funniest. As tempting as it may be to pass by The Scribe, collect $200, and proceed straight to The Scribble, I and the rest of The Scribe staff urge you to give The Scribble’s gangly, acne-ridden sister the recognition she deserves. No one cared about the ugly duckling... until she blossomed until a beautiful swan. This fine April Fool’s Day, take a walk on the wild side and check out what The Scribe has to offer. It might just surprise you.

Remaining Days of School: For se-niors, there are only 27 left! Time to bust outta this joint!

barometer

people who speak up

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End of Trimesters: Now that we’ve experienced two complete trimes-ters, it’s safe to say that a pattern has been established: The last weeks of the trimesters are awful.

By Michael Zamost

The Gurtin-Thurman Union: I can’t say I didn’t see it coming. But who cares?! Two of the spunkiest kids on campus are united as one, and we’re loving it!

Dress Code Disciplinarians: I have six detentions lined up for dress code violations, including one on the weekend. Can you say, “over-kill”?

College Notifications: Today is April 1, which means that many of our seniors will receive decision no-tifications from colleges by the end of the day. Thumbs sideways... Need we say more?

...dig it

Ggood

For the first two weeks of March, the campus was buzzing with a newfound ex-citement. It wasn’t the anticipation of APs or the journalism trip to New York City; it was the eagerness surrounding this year’s edition of March Madness. In all honesty, making March Madness Harry Potter-themed was the best decision ASB has ever made. Dividing the student body into houses created a spirit of intense camaraderie amongst the students who actually care about Harry Potter—and for those who didn’t, at least each house had a color with which non-HP fans could identify. The educational decrees were also a stroke of sheer brilliance—in fact, I didn’t pay attention in any of my classes the entire week leading up to March Madness because I was too busy reading all the orders from the High Inquisitor... instant confundo!

Uugly

With the end of the senior internship program, there was bound to be a little con-fusion surrounding what to do with the seniors at the end of the year. But with the endless decision-making process and board meetings and more and more new proposals, seniors ended up like the unwanted children in the middle of a messy di-vorce. Nobody knew what quite to do with us, so we kept getting bounced around, shoved from one plan to another, getting our hopes up when one person told us we’d be done with school on April 30, then sobbing in the corner when another said we would continue with regular classes until May 14. Some teachers didn’t want us around distracting the underclassmen; others didn’t want us stirring up trouble around San Diego before we graduated. There comes a point when the Parker family wants you gone, and apparently, that point is May 17.

By Hannah Ostrow

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people who speak up

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Bbad

We all know that our now relatively new campus is groundbreaking in its design. It is unlike any other high school campus in the country, and we have the architec-tural awards to prove it. But it seems as if those who built it were too focused on the big picture and let some important details fall by the wayside. The classroom locks are easily jimmied, the drinking fountains are few and far between, and often don’t work, the floor in the hallways is cracking, and, most recently, the doors are breaking. All these grievances aside, the campus is the best. I’d just like the doors to work.

people who speak up

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By Anna Hobbs By Kaity Wilson

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SPRO CON

Some of the changes introduced this year, such as the switch from semesters to trimesters and the addition of the new in-terim program have simply raised the stress levels of Parker students. While the idea of Interim Week is an intriguing one, the stress of adding another graduation requirement to worry about perhaps wasn’t the best way to expose Parker students to new things. While the global education trips are all amazing opportu-nities for students to travel to foreign countries in safe, edu-cational ways, they are not viable options for some students. While Interim Week means that students attending these trips no longer have to miss school, particularly with the current state of the economy, many families cannot afford these trips on top of tuition. The variety of trips is lacking as well, exclud-ing any trips to Europe. There was the option of an internship for both junior and se-niors during Interim Week. One may think that because Parker has dealt with internships for so long that this would be the most reliable option during Interim. However, reducing the program to a mere four days turned out to be much harder than anticipated. Those students who chose to participate in an in-ternship were met with confusion and disorganization. Some internships were not confirmed until days before Interim began and some fell through completely, forcing some students to at-tend classes unexpectedly. The classes offered during Interim did not seem to go much better. Although the online signup system could have been quick and easy, it ended up being difficult and unreliable. The senior priority made it difficult for other grades to sign up for their first choice classes and the website often had glitches. Many students were left searching for a second or third choice class because of the small class size of only nine students. This seemed to defeat the purpose of interim, as students were no longer signing up for classes they were interested in, but the classes that were left over. Classes were poorly advertised; the only thing students had to go off of was a sentence or two de-scribing each class, which did not provide enough information for students to make accurate assessments of what each class would do during the week. In the future, a fair or assembly advertising each choice for interim would be more beneficial. The concept of Interim is a good one; however, the program was lacking in its execution, and the stress caused by the pro-gram did not help anyone. In the future, better organization and publicity is needed in order for the program to be success-ful and achieve its goal of giving students the chance to experi-ence and learn new things.

Interim. It was the unavoidable week all had to experience in one way or another. No one knew how it was going to go: some were eager for the “break” from regular school hours. But we all had to participate, whether it be in a regular class, an internship, or on one of the international trips that were being offered. Of course, anyone who has objections to this week of single-topic-concentrated learning should first consider the al-ternative. If we attended any other school, we would be sitting in classrooms, itching to be on that ski lift, or even just sitting on the couch at home. Although some may have ended up in a class that was not their first choice, one would think that a week of any kind of relaxed classroom atmosphere would win out over simply another week of school time. So, before indulging in all of the typical complaints that come with every school event, we should at least look at the perks that came with Interim week. Each grade level (excluding the freshmen) had numerous choices. The juniors and seniors had the opportunity to take on an internship, sign up for one of the many classes offered, or venture out on one of the interna-tional trips that were made available. Sophomores had each of these selections as well, save the internship option, and fresh-men had their own “ethics” program in which to participate. In any case, we had plenty of paths to choose from, and a good selection from each option. In my opinion, the only drawback to the whole experience was the fact that there was no guarantee that any of us would end up in our first choice interim. But the chances of landing in the classes of our choice will only improve in the upcoming years. I myself took Mr. Harrington’s “Writing, Nature, Solitude”. It was a somewhat rushed decision, and I didn’t know a soul in the class, but it turned out to be a positive experience. I spent the five days exploring nature, inspired by transcendentalist writ-ers and surrounded by like-minded people. Although, initially, I may have had a more comfortable experience had I signed up with a group of friends or classmates, I also came to meet and know a few more Parker students whom I wouldn’t have met otherwise. Having a teacher that I hadn’t ever known in the past, and whose class I may or may not land in next year was both an interesting and pleasant experience. I now feel better prepared for any English course that I might take in the future. Whether it be a result of the intriguing course material, the good company, or the well-informed teacher, all of these fac-tors added up to my own positive experience, and if I had to do it over again I wouldn’t change a thing.

Interim Week

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people who speak up

It happens roughly every Monday; students stumble into first period barely even awake, but perk up instantly when they hear the words, “We are on assem-bly schedule today.” It’s the unexpected change of pace for the school day and the excitement for the possible assem-bly topic that creates a buzz on assembly days. We all love assembly days, but re-cently, there have been opinions thrown around that express that assemblies are wastes of time that interfere with learn-ing the rest of the day. These opinions are fueled by a few less than adequate speakers that we have had this year. In reality, however, we have had numerous inspiring and powerful assemblies over the last few years that deserve credit, in-cluding the Holiday Music Program and Scott Fried’s AIDS awareness assembly. Granted, there have been some assem-blies that were less-than-desirable, such as the Science PowerPoint assembly about stem-cell research in the beginning of the year that had already been taught in Biology classes. It is sometimes dif-ficult to know if a speaker will inspire students and make them want to listen to what he or she is saying. A speaker can appear great on paper, but once he or she is lecturing, you may be disappointed. Students may not realize that they have a say in what our assemblies are about. While Mr. Marc Thiebach, Dean

of students of the Upper School, is in charge of assigning dates for assemblies, and for identifying annual assemblies such as the Honors Assembly and Con-vocation, there are opportunities with the other assemblies for student input. Clubs, departments, and student organizations are in charge of a handful of assemblies and they usually put on Language Week assemblies, dance assemblies, and club assemblies. The ASB Vice-President also has the power to organize a few assem-blies a year that are supposed to repre-sent the voice of the students. The Vice-President often chooses assemblies that deal with well-being and entertainment. Mr. Thiebach makes it clear that students always have opportunities to be a part of the picking process: “Students are always welcome to come see me about bringing a speaker, presenter, or other type of pro-gram to our school.” One of the better assemblies was Scott Fried’s speech about AIDS awareness, which took place at the beginning of the 2008-2009 school year. His presence and openness drew me in instantly and kept me interested as he discussed his first hand experience with the HIV/AIDS disease. He was honest and straightfor-ward, creating a realistic understanding of HIV/AIDS, instead of a sugar-coated version. Linda Biehl, another speaker from the 2008-2009 school year, spoke compellingly about tolerance and for-

giveness when she talked about how her daughter was killed in South Africa dur-ing a riot. Not only did she forgive the men who committed the crime, but she also created an organization in honor of her daughter called the Amy Biehl Foun-dation. This year, meanwhile, Scott Sil-verman was especially easy to relate to, considering he graduated from Parker himself. Hearing him speak about his transition to becoming the founder of the organization Second Chance provided a living, breathing example that anything is possible. Speakers like these inspire students to strive for the best and make us all more aware. Assemblies are as valuable to students as learning core material because math and science doesn’t teach you about organ donations or AIDS, real life experiences. High school is supposed to prepare us for the real world but we all know it tends to focus on teaching us “booksmarts.” Un-fortunately, the real world doesn’t only deal with English, science and other core classes; so why should these be the only things we learn about? Assemblies ex-pand our knowledge on important topics that we wouldn’t learn about otherwise. They are important to creating well-rounded students and should be consid-ered valuable in education.

Francis Parker,ASSEMBLE

By Erica Finfer

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people who speak up

By Simone Leonard

Ask anyone on campus about ASB and the response will usually garner opinions about how exclusive an orga-nization it is. It is perfectly understand-able why someone, who is not a part of ASB, would think this. Whether the ex-clusivity is due to the ASB or the student body, many people tend to look at the organization as a clique—a clique that only accepts certain people with certain requirements. While there are aspects of ASB that may exclude a certain part of our student body from participating, as a member of ASB, I know that we do not wish to leave anyone out. ASB has recently drafted a new con-stitution, and with this proposed consti-tution there have been other proposals that have caused controversy and debate within the ASB. One proposal is the idea of getting rid of the requirement that states a student must have at least one year’s experience within ASB to run for president. I think this is a great way to increase the percentage of students that can, and would be willing to, run for president. As junior Sam Weinstein, Stu-dent Relations Director said when this amendment was proposed, “Who are we to tell the student body that you are not capable of doing this job because you don’t have experience?” I strongly agree. Any student with great experience as a leader should be able to run for ASB. This is just one way that students within the ASB this year have tried to knock

down the “exclusivity” image that the or-ganization holds. ASB wants the student body to care about what we are doing, and why it matt-ters. Open forums, the ASB mailbox, and joint advisory sessions have been imple-mented to get the students involved. Un-fortunately, this has always been a bit of a struggle for ASB, especially with the “exclusive” look we bear. Every year, when elections come around, students think about running for a position but often decide against it. I think this is because they either cannot run due to restrictions or because they are intimidated, either by the competition or by ASB itself. The former, as I men-tioned earlier, we are trying to improve. However, as far as the latter issue goes, it’s up to the students to choose to run, no matter who else is running against him or her. No student should limit him or herself because of the fact the he or she might lose or feels intimidated. Be-cause if you really care, just give ASB a try, and if you lose, your life will not end. And remember: There are appointed positions for those who either have stage fright or just prefer what the appointed branch does. People complain and criticize ASB for some of the things we do, but if you haven’t made your opinion known, then how can we as an ASB take your criti-cism as a legitimate one? The thing to keep in mind when looking at ASB is

the fact that we want to hear what you have to say. Come to open forum or open class period. Speak up and if you have an idea or suggestion, don’t only complain, let someone in ASB know how you feel. Tell us how you felt about an event, and what we could do to improve it. When asked about how students per-ceive ASB, Mr. Taylor said, “With any group you’re not a part of, it is foreign.” and though this statement might be espe-cially true for students not in ASB; our student government does not have to be “foreign” to the students. If you are a stu-dent who cares about what we as an ASB do and take interest in our activities, I strongly encourage you to do something about it. However, this is done is up to you, because we aren’t going to get rid of this selective image all by ourselves. ASB desires nothing more than for the students to take a real interest in what we do. If we establish the best constitution under the sun, but no one cares, how are we benefiting the student body? The fact of the matter is we as an ASB do not want to stop any part of our stu-dent body from voicing his or her opin-ion, running for a position, or participat-ing in ASB. And if anyone has anything to say, let us know how you feel, because we are here to represent you, the stu-dents, and if we are not doing that, we aren’t doing our job.

Associated Secret BodyA look into the exclusivity of the ASB.

Advances in feminism have brought about a feeling of equality between men and women. However, teenage girls still grow into a sense of self-criticism and self-consciousness. A girl’s abil-ity to criticize herself is as evident as her inability to compliment herself. Magazines, television, movies, and all other types of media portray women as beautiful, skinny, and all-around perfect. In reality, however, such perfection is unattainable. In the middle school sex-ed classes, we were relentlessly told that

what was on the magazine covers and big screens was fake and impos-sibly perfect. How-ever, what the teach-ers didn’t realize was that what is praised by society is what is on the big screen or in the major maga-zines, even if it is airbrushed. The term “model” is literally defined as a standard or ex-ample for imita-tion or compari-son. Although most girls realize it isn’t normal to look that per-fect on a maga-zine, that level of perfection is still the stan-

dard for looks. There is a lot of pressure to look perfect, and if a girl doesn’t, she feels inadequate, giving her the perfect set-up to criticize herself. Another reason for this self-criticism and self-consciousness is internal pres-sure and pressure from peers to look as good as possible. The internal pressure is a branch-off of the outside pressure from other girls and boys. While I would like to say it is all personal pressure, this is not the case. Almost all high school girls are critical of their classmates. One look at a person and a fault or flaw is noticed. I also have to acknowledge the fact that compliments are exchanged between friends. Yet, the looks given to someone wearing a clashing sweater or a strange hairstyle do not go unnoticed. These two questions: “What do you not like about yourself?” And “What do you like about yourself?” seem like pretty simple questions. But when I read into the answers I received when I asked teen-age girls these questions, a whole new meaning was unveiled. The first question was set up as an opportunity for girls to criticize themselves. What was upsetting was the fact that most girls jumped at the opportunity, as if the answer is too relative or personal. These answers trig-gered immediate responses such as “my weight,” “my body,” “my skin” and any other physical descriptions. One reason for girls doing this may be that they are criticizing themselves so they won’t hear

it from oth-ers. However, the response to the second question was the opposite. Almost all girls needed a much longer time to think about this ques-tion. The answers were full of pauses, “um’s,” “let me think’s,” and more ex-pressions to buy time. During the time between the question and before the an-swer, it was obvious that each girl was very uncomfortable with compliment-ing herself. I understand that some ofthese girls might have been trying to be humble and not seem cocky. But if that alone were the case, these girls would not be so quick to criticize. Here at Parker, it is understood by most people that we are required to wear Option B as our uniform. Many consider this a beneficial requirement because it creates a feeling of similarity between peers. However, many girls feel the necessity to stand out and go the ex-tra length to have their looks accepted. If a girl can’t be comfortable in her own skin, it is unlikely that she will ever feel comfortable in any situation. I don’t think the feeling of unworthi-ness should ever be in the back of any girl’s mind. A girl is who she is, physi-cally and mentally, and she should be willing to accept that with pride.

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people who speak up

Appearanceof

By Kara Jones

The Power

When the freshmen were informed that we were ineligible to go on any trips, partake in any internship, or even sign up for a class, rumors began to spread about what we had in store. We had a vague idea about what the week would entail, but the importance of the week didn’t become clear to most of us until interim was finished. When the week was over, it left an impact in our lives that we would never forget. The week began with passionate advocates from differ-ent San Diego volunteer organizations who urged us to join their efforts in helping the homeless. Father Joe from St.

Vincet de Paul, Bob McElroy from Alpha Project, and many other ac-tivists left us motivated and eager to make a difference. The next day, the 38 freshmen working at the Alpha project headed to the streets as it began to rain, and walked around downtown San Diego, passing out plastic sheets, blankets, snacks, wa-ter, and hygiene packs. The look on the homeless peo-ple’s faces when we handed them a simple sheet of plas-tic was unforgettable. “It

completely changed our perspective on life,” said freshman Sydney Zamudio. “When walking around downtown, we, as privileged teenagers, usually try to stay away from the home-less, but by the end of the day we were totally comfortable lending a hand.” This experience left us humbled by the real-ity of the homeless life. On Wednesday, we listened to the college counselors talk to us about the college process. We also listened to two other speakers who spoke about body image and the media. We spent the afternoon working with the Positive Adventures staff, taking part in team building games and activities. On Thursday, we spent the day at the UCSD Alpine Tower ropes course, climbing the tower and performing daunting tasks, like getting every member of each group through a floating 3-D cube. The program’s goals were to strength-en our problem-solving and decision-making skills, and build a sense of community. We supported each and ev-ery team member, whether they had climbed one foot or 35 feet off the ground. We spent our final morning watching the movie The Emperor’s Club, which dealt with the themes of right and wrong, and summed up the ideas of the week. The week provided opportunities for freshmen to do every-thing, from helping the less fortunate to helping them-selves and their peers break out of their comfort zones.

im

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people who make news

TripsFreshman Program

Classes

internships

interStudents and faculty had anticipated the interim week for months, if not since the program was first announced last year; students signed up for trips as early as October, internships were being arranged a month earlier, classes filled up almost immediately, and rumors about the freshman program escalated. Here are four students’ perspectives on the week, and four very different experiences.

By Michael SchreinerInternshipsinternships

freshman program By Claire Bryan freshman program

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For some, internships involve weeks of fetching coffee, mind numbing busy-work, and a general sense that the intern is ei-ther a burden or a nameless worker whose sole purpose is to run errands for staff members. Luckily, this was not the case for Francis Parker students. Whether they were interning for teachers, architects or attorneys, all who took advantage of Parker’s Interim internship program said they would recom-mend their respective internships to anyone interested. Organized by Ms. Carol Jensen, Parker’s community ser-vice director, the internship program required the completion of multiple forms and applications, the first of which was due in November of last year. While the application process did turn some away, over thirty juniors and seniors took part in the program. Students were allowed to choose from a list of internships compiled by Ms. Jensen or find their own and sub-mit it for approval. The school’s list included a wide variety of internships involving education, law, finance, engineering, design, communications, science and medicine. Many of the the professionals who worked with the students were parents of current or former Parker students, including Dr. Peter Wile,

an orthopedic surgeon, and Mr. Charles Field, general counsel for an investment firm. During the interim week, students worked independently at their respective internships, only coming together on the Fri-day of that week to give presentations regarding their experi-ence as interns. The internship program seemed to be a suc-cess as student after student raved about the opportunity to work in real world setting. “I am glad that we had the week, because I ended up learning a lot about a possible career choice, and I definitely enjoyed it,” said junior Alex Adler. “I really enjoyed my internship because it gave me a chance to experience a real working environment,” said junior Michael Bergsma. “The internship really helped so-lidify my interest in neuroscience.” In addition to the oral presentations, students were required to write an essay re-flecting upon their experiences and send thank you notes to their respective sponsors. While an internship may have involved the most work of any Interim option, for many Parker students, it was fulfilling and well worth it.

This February, an atmosphere that most closely resembles summer school pervaded Francis Parker Upper School. Stu-dents wearing dress down threw frisbees in the sunny and un-seasonably warm quad. They trickled into the sparsly populated cafeteria, where the conversation of the day consists primarily of, “What class are you taking?” and, “Oh cool. How do you like it?” Dogs roamed the campus on leashes, participating in interim as students in the animal training class, taught by Sci-ence teacher Ms. Dueher. Many classes left campus by lunch-time, to museums, trails, Julian, or restaurants. While some students left school to go off to other parts of the world, or to explore an interest in a practical setting with an internship, many stayed on campus for an entirely different experience. Students chose from many different kinds of classes, including cooking, stained glass, songwrit-ing, film, medicine, and robotics. A total of 22 classes were offered, allowing class sizes to be small. Most classes con-tained around nine students. Classes lasted the entire school day: a full seven hours devoted to a single topic. This gave teachers the opportunity to expand their classes beyond the classroom, and created a continuous learning environment, unbroken by changing periods. Many classes utilized this time by leaving campus, whether it was for hikes or to ex-perince different cultures through food. For most, the week was a positive experience, allow-ing them to explore a topic like the Harlem renaissance in depth. Sometimes, though, the intensive learning was al-most overwhelming. According to Junior JoJo Tam, “The class offered a lot of interesting information. However, the

study of one sub-ject for an entire day became a bit tedious.” Overall, the interim classes were a chance to learn more about a topic that a student already knew some-thing about, or to discover something en-tirely new.

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people who make news

tripstrips

classes By Meagan Harris classes

“Day Two: Today was a day to remember. We ventured outside the vicinity of Hanoi proper to visit a century-old pagoda, which has, for the past decade, housed nearly a hun-dred orphans from the village proper.” This is an excerpt from the Parker Vietnam trip’s blog, describing their expe-rience giving school supplies and toys to orphans. In return they were taught by the orphans how to make the tradi-tional Chung cake, which is a combination of rice, green beans, pork, and wrapped in banana leaves. Exploring the Francis Parker Interim blog provides a virtual tour of each destination and gives insight to the multitude of experi-ences the students wrote of for those two weeks. From the Savannah to the Great Wall and beyond, Parker stu-dents metamorphosed into adventurers and ambassadors of Francis Parker. Admittedly, between South Africa, Vietnam, China, the Philippines, Colombia, and New York, choosing where to go was a difficult decision. “I chose the China trip because this is my second year of learning Chinese and I wanted to practice my skills,” said junior Helen Ragen. Senior Robbi Robyn said she chose to go to Colom-bia because it was the only trip that involved philan-thropy. Trying new things was ever-present, from eating

bugs in South Africa and trying the spiciest chicken in the world in China, to crawling through the Cu-Chi tunnels of Vietnam and touring the backstage of the Met Opera House in New York. “We went to the rainfor-est, and I felt like I was watching National Geo-graphic in real HD,” se-nior Deon Randall said of his trip to the Phil-lipines. “I also loved the food, but there is such a thing as too much fish and rice.” The interim trips offered a plethora of adventures and new experiences. Each trip received no worse criticism than, “The worst part about the trip was having to come back home.”

Mr. Harrington’s class takes a hike. Photo by Alia Kiran

Mrs. Redelings’ cooking class makes some salsa. Photo courtesy of Alex Trimm

By Haley Robinson

Parker students pose for a picture with Colombian children.

Photo courtesy of Sofía Ruiz

people who entertain

12 THE SCRIBE

By Berkeley Cavignac

SNL has made audiences laugh every Saturday night since 1975, so it was no surprise when a group of epic skits made it onto the big screen. With the newest installment adapted from the skit “MacGruber” on its way, we were inspired to

honor the great movies that came out of Saturday Night Live.

Hollywood

Wayne’s World (1992)Coneheads (1993)

A Night at the Roxbury (1998)

Superstar (1999)

MacGruber (may 21)

goes

“You’ll laugh. You’ll cry. You’ll hurl.” The tagline for this film starring Mike Myers and Dana Carvey as slackers Wayne and Garth reminds us of the good ‘ole days. We still find our-selves quoting the movie’s hilarious lines to this day.

An alien couple from the planet Remulak is ditched on earth during a scouting mission for planet conquest. They dodge the INS, have a child, and discover that life on Earth is quite good. But they are being chased by the government who is on to the Conehead family. This cult classic’s great cast and fun-ny script will forever keep it in SNL history.The Roxbury Guys, Steve and

Doug Butabi, want to get into the best club in town, but are completely broke. Their story takes an unexpected turn as they start to run a nightclub on their own! Will Ferrell and Chris Kattan’s goofy hu-mor make this film a comedy classic with a ton of memo-rable jokes we’ll never forget.

Mary Katherine Galla-gher has a dream: to be kissed. If she becomes a superstar, she knows this will happen. So she focuses her prayers, her fantasies, and her conversations with her only friend on achiev-ing her dream. Molly Shannon is a total ge-nius in this film, even when she scares us, and Will Ferrell plays an ex-tremely shallow hunk. This movie warmed all of our hearts, and will continue to make us laugh on dreary days.

And to keep the tradition strong, Will Forte brings Saturday Night Live’s clueless soldier to the big screen in the action com-edy MacGruber. With his elite team of experts, Lt. Dixon Piper (Ryan Phillippe) and Vicki St. Elmo (Kristen Wiig), MacGru-ber is out to save the world the right way...even if that means a bomb’s detonation and the deaths of his companions and himself.

people who entertain

THE SCRIBE 13

What Do You Want To Do Before You Die?Compiled by Sloan Christopher and Liza Gurtin

1. Go Skydiving - Half of the student body

2. Save someone’s life - Roz Dick-Godfrey

3. Take a bath in a hot tub of pudding - Sarah Schnell

4. Read Harry Potter 57 times - Kristen Stipanov5. Watch Mr. Fickling and Dr. Lown fight to the death in the highest room of the tallest tower - Matt Margulis

6. Join the Circus - Nahum Mendoza

7. Play at Yankee Stadium - Kendall Lindley

8. Own a ferret - Jennie Herman

9. Drive a Ferrari to the Swiss Alps and then boogie board down them - Luke Barmeyer

10. Go Base Jumping - Lara Dietz11. Megan Fox - Yoesph Desta

12. Have many children - Mr. Trotter

13. Buy a Lamborghini - Drew Imhoff and Adam Lohnes

14. Actually play Quidditch - Molly Morrison

15. Wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy - David Lauer

16. Go Bungee Jumping - Malea Redding

17. Be on Buried Life - Alex Wineholt

18. Try the trapeze - Molly O’’Meara

19. Ride a rhinoceros - Mark Traganza

20. I haven’t really thought about dying - Diana De La Concha

21. Climb Mt. Kilimanjaro - Mr. Thiebach

22. Own a boutique - Kelly Burns

23. Get an A - Ryan Cage

24. See a sperm whale and giant squid fight - John Papatheofanis

25. Go to every continent - Emily Horne26. Walk the Great Wall of China - Nick Bosse

27. Deliver a baby - Josh Leibowitz

28. Swim in the ocean at midnight - Hannah Glassman

29. Go to Ireland - Remy Weinger

30. Compete in a crump battle - Jose Vizcaino31. Beat Carson Scott at a “smart-off”’- Danielle Gardner

32. Travel the world - Ann Jacobson and Brigitte Ehman

33. Make a lot of money - Zach Gleicher

As the year trudges on, the countdown to entering the real world grows shorter. Before you dive right in, take a moment to

consider what you want to accomplish in life. Inspired by MTV’s Buried Life, I ask you: What do you want to do before you die?

people who entertain

Who: Sia featuring Body Language

Where: House of Blues

When: April 19th

Who: Bloody Beetroots

Where: House of Blues

When: April 23

Who: 3OH!3

Where: Soma

When: May 2

Who: Steel Pulse featuring Tribe of Kings

Where: House of Blues

When: May 15

SpringConcertPreview

April 3 Black Eyed PeaS at SD Sports Arena

April 8 Owl City at Soma

April 8 Citizen Cope at Wave House

April 17 Mike Pinto at Winston’s

April 24 Norah Jones at Spreckles

By Madeline Peeling

May 1 Daughtry at SD Sports Arena

May 29 Cobra Starship at Soma

July 24 WARPED TOUR at Cricket

Mayday Parade

Mike Posner

Of Mice and Men

Pennywise

Reel Big Fish

Sum 41

Dirty Little Rabbits

The Rocket Summer

We the Kings

Dropkick Murphys

THE SCRIBE 15

people who play

16 THE SCRIBE

Spring SPORTS: SEASON Preview

game notes

girl

s' s

occe

rgi

rls'

bask

etba

ll

By Cameron Songer and Walker Newton

Record: 15-15 (1-7)1/20 Parker vs. CCA35-411/22 Parker @ LJCD25-841/25 Parker vs. SFC60-431/29 Parker @ Horizon41-372/3 Parker @ Bishop’s37-942/10 Parker @ CCA29-532/12 Parker vs. Horizon49-542/17 Parker vs. LJCD24-782/19 Parker vs. Bishop’s56-942/24 Parker vs. Preuss42-312/27 Parker @ Mater Dei24-64

All photos courtesy of smugmug.com

Record: 13-12-3 (6-2)2/9 Parker @ CCA4-12/11 Parker @ LJCD1-02/16 Parker vs. Horizon3-02/18 Parker vs. Bishop’s2-32/23 Parker vs. Tri-City Christian3-02/26 Parker vs. Escondido Charter2-13/2 Parker vs. LJCD1-03/6 Parker vs. Christian1-03/8 Parker vs. California Academy of Math & Science4-1

Boys' Tennis

Track and Field

Boys'Volleyball

Boys' Golf

2009: 18-2 (12-2)

2009: 31-4 (13-0)

2009: 17-4 (8-0)

The team watches Nik Marino play a singles match.

The boys cheer for their teammates during player introductions.

Lisa Considine races to the finish.

Track and Field is one of the most popular sports on campus, yet remains largely under the radar. The team travels to Claire-mont High School for practice every day and usually works out from 3:30 until almost 6:00. Many of the stars of the track team are well-known for their success in other sports. Senior Wes Gavin, who will play football at Yale next year, throws the discus and shot put during the spring. “I like track this year because we have the ability to compete for ourselves while still maintaining the team atmosphere,” said Gavin. Track and Field is also the most diverse sport at Parker; it is not only co-ed, but also includes many types of athletes, like sprinters, jumpers, distance runners, and throwers.

In addition to going undefeated in league play for the second straight season, the boys’ team won Parker’s first CIF title for golf last year. The team returns this year after graduating only one senior. The team carries a lot of mo-mentum into this season and is looking to repeat as CIF Champions. The veteran varsity team consists of seven returning juniors and seniors. Senior captain Rob Rosas leads the team. Other key players include seniors Aaron Buckley and James Waters.

After an undefeated run through West-ern League play, last year’s volleyball team won the CIF Division IV title. The team has a strong core of upperclassmen with varsity experience. The team has seven seniors and two juniors. Key play-ers on this year’s team include seniors Ryan Gross, Mike Brunsting, and Billy Evans. One of the primary challenges facing the team will be filling the holes left by players who graduated after last season.

Boys’ Tennis is one of the several spring sports teams that do not practice at school. As a result, it gets little recognition from the student body. Even without much popular support, this year’s group is trying to repeat as CIF champions. The team is led by senior Zubin Anklesaria. Juniors Gerardo de la Concha and Nik Marino also play key roles.

Senior Rob Rosas lines up a putt.

people who play

THE SCRIBE 17

boys' basketballboys' soccer

Record: 18-9 (6-2)1/20 Parker vs. CCA75-491/22 Parker @ LJCD55-521/27 Parker vs. Lincoln81-821/29 Parker @ Horizon49-392/3 Parker @ Bishop’s49-662/10 Parker @ CCA68-552/12 Parker vs. Horizon50-512/17 Parker vs. LJCD56-502/19 Parker vs. Bishop’s49-662/26 Parker vs. SFC59-453/2 Parker @ Army-Navy70-523/6 Parker vs. Horizon59-53

Record: 13-12-3 (6-2)2/9 Parker @ CCA4-12/11 Parker @ LJCD1-02/16 Parker vs. Horizon3-02/18 Parker vs. Bishop’s2-32/23 Parker vs. Tri-City Christian3-02/26 Parker vs. Escondido Charter2-13/2 Parker vs. LJCD1-03/6 Parker vs. Christian1-03/8 Parker vs. California Academy of Math & Science4-1

Record: 9-6-7 (2-3-3)2/6 Parker vs. Preuss1-12/9 Parker vs. CCA1-12/11 Parker @ LJCD0-12/13 Parker @ CCA0-22/15 Parker vs. LJCD0-02/16 Parker @ Horizon8-02/18 Parker @ Bishop’s0-12/24 Parker vs. Guajome Park8-03/1 Parker @ LJCD0-1

game notes

Softball

Baseball

Boys' Lacrosse

Girls' Lacrosse

2009: 13-14-1 (2-5-1)

2009: 13-5 (7-3)

2009: 5-14 (3-7)

2009: 25-4 (8-0)

The team celebrates after a win at home.

The team congregates before last year’s game at Petco Park.

Coach Jim Tomey instructs his team on batting.

Parker softball has been one of the most successful sports at Parker the last few years. The Lancers have won the last four CIF titles in Division IV. However, the team lost four criti-cal seniors from last year, a loss that will be difficult to overcome. The team is led by senior Austin Sanders, who is in her fourth year on the team. Other key players include juniors Kate Kidd and Maddie Tomey.

Last year’s baseball team had its share of ups and downs. While the team finished with a losing record, the boys played very well in a win at Petco Park. The team retains its nucle-us, with few seniors graduating. There are 9 juniors on this year’s team, including catcher Alex Nuffer and four top pitchers: Kend-all Lindley, Kyle Dowdy, David Schwartz, and Chase Brewster. The leader of the team, though, is senior Aiden Kennedy. Kennedy led last year’s team in batting average and home runs.

Because there are only two divisions in CIF boys’ lacrosse, the Lancers are forced to play schools much bigger than Parker. Even with this obstacle, they still perform exceptionally. They are always ranked in or close to the top ten for San Diego County. The team returns four seniors and top goal scorer Warren Brody. Other key players include junior Ben Piacqua-dio and seniors Jeremy Paluch and Lucas Barmeyer.

Photo courtesy of Savannah PhilyawThe team poses for a team picture in front of the campus.

Andrea Ervay is the new varsity coach for the girls’ lacrosse team this season. She is assisted by returning coach Jenna Walton and college counselor Alexandra Santiago. With only two returning seniors, the young team will have ample opportunity to gain skill. The team has four captains: Alia Ki-ran, Maddie Thurman, Jenny Asman, and Vivi Mendez. All have extensive talent in lacrosse. There is no JV team this year, just one varsity team. The coaches hope this de-cision will help young players gain varsity experience.

Carpooling Compiled by Liza Gurtin

Liza Gurtin: Maddie! You’re going to hit Mr. Maunu.Mr. Maunu and Mr. Esch get in the car.Mr. Maunu: Hey. Let’s hit Mr. Maunu.LAUGHINGMaddie Thurman: I thought you were going to wait to get in.Mr. Esch: I don’t think I’ve ever been in a Lexus before. I like the…Maunu: CAUTION!Esch: …wood paneling. Why am I sit-ting on a pen?Maunu: Because it was there. Please don’t crash.Esch: She is certified by the state of Cali-fornia.Maddie: What if I did crash? Right now.Esch: Why does the screen say caution? Is there something we should know?LAUGHTERHannah Ostrow: It says: Watching the screen while vehicle is in motion can cause serious accidents.Esch: Hannah, are you along to verify that they perform this interview correct-ly?Hannah: No, I’m on cause I wanted free lunch.Mr. Maunu is singing.Esch: Don’t speed down this hill there are cops everywhere.Maddie: I know, at that corner.Hannah: You’re speeding down the hill, Maddie.Maddie: I know, I’m ready to…Esch: What’s a penny made of?Maddie: copp..Esch: COP-PER!LAUGHTERMaddie: Oh Bam, there is no one there.Esch: God, have you driven before?Maunu: That licence is brand new.Esch: Did you just get it in the mail?Maddie: No. I did just get it in Novem-ber though.LAUGHTERMaddie: Liza wanted to drive, and she

only has her permit.Liza: I get my license in two weeks.Maddie: Really?Liza: Yeah.Maddie: WOW. Clear the roads.Hannah: Liza, you are causing so many problems in New York.Liza: I am?Hannah: Yeah. First of all, if you…Esch: Green Light!Maddie: I know.Hannah: If you fail your driving test… Why are you holding on?Esch: Um, for my life.Hannah: If you fail your driving test the day before, then you’ll be in a pissy mood in New York. Second of all, you and Henry are the only couple, so you’re causing problems already.Liza: We just said we weren’t talking about this!Maddie: Yeah, we…Hannah: When did we say…Esch: Boot Camp!Hannah: …did we say we weren’t talk-ing about this?Maddie: Because.Hannah: Oh because it’s your brother…HANNAH LAUGHSLiza: We are not talking about this.Maddie: Yeah, we are not talking about this.Esch: This is all we should talk about in our interview.Liza and Maddie: No!Liza: Maddie and I already established a rule that we are not talking about Henry and Me.Esch: Make this light or die!LAUGHTERMaddie: Oh my god. Okay.Maunu: I don’t know if we want to en-courage this unsafe driving.Maddie: I just want to let you know I am not very good at parking.Maunu: You’re one of those people that takes up like three spots aren’t you.

Hannah: Pull in right here. You don’t even have to park.Esch: Just drive straight. Don’t hit the dog!Hannah: Maddie, just drive right in. You got this.Maunu: Stop turning!LAUGHTERLiza: Aw, that dog is so cute.Esch: It was fearful for it’s life.We arrive at Urban. Fortunately, all of us are still in one piece. Including the dog.Esch: Finally, we’re here.Hannah: We should have just walked from school.Maddie pets the dog she almost hit.Liza: Maddie! You’re not just supposed to pet dogs. That’s dangerous. You’re supposed to ask the owner first.You just broke the ABC’s of dog petting.Hannah: The ABC’s of dog petting?LAUGHTERLiza: Yeah, I worked at Helen Wood-ward and there are ABC’s to dog petting.Hannah: What were they? Did it start with an A and a B and a C or is that just the name of it?Liza: No. It’s ask, so you have to ask the owner.Esch: Then bite the dog.Hannah: Then chew.LAUGHTERLiza: No, no. I don’t remember the other ones actually.Hannah: All you remember is A. Really easy to remember.Everyone orders. Liza: Why are there so many forks?Esch: Have you seen Liza eat?Liza: Nothing is wrong with the way I eat.Esch: The popcorn incident, remember? The feed bag.Liza: That was different. Very different. Look how nice that looks.Esch: See, if I hadn’t brought out all those forks, you wouldn’t have had so

people, places & things

18 THE SCRIBE

with Esch & Maunu

much fun. Can you just dig this fork into that knot in my neck.Liza: Wait, are you kidding?Esch: No, not there. Yeah right there, into the shoulder. Can someone get a pic-ture of this?The buzzer goes off and Maddie goes to get the food.Hannah: So now that Maddie is gone, let’s talk about you and Henry.Liza: No, we are not talking about Henry.Esch: What’s going on with you and Henry?Hannah: They’re dating. It was basi-cally official this weekend. I think they have been dating for a while though, just secretly.Liza: It’s not true.Esch: So by dating, do you mean going to McDonalds or something?Liza: I don’t want to talk about this.Esch: I do.Hannah: I do.Liza: I don’t at all.Hannah: It’s two against one Liza.Esch: You bite your nails?Liza: I do bite my nails.Esch: Oh my God, so does Henry!LAUGHTERLiza: This morning I knew it was bad when Señor Gomez made fun of me. He told me Henry was the biggest loser in the entire world.Food comes. Liza tells one of her painfully bad stories, that for your own good, we will leave out.Maddie: Another bad story. What is that? Three for three. Liza: Fine, I just won’t talk anymore.Esch: What are we not allowed to talk about?Hannah: Henry.Liza: Can we not bring this up?Esch: I didn’t mean that. I meant is there anything else.Hannah: No, that’s it. Maunu: So who’s this Henry guy?Hannah: Henry Thurman. Did you re-ally need to know?Maunu: Well I wanted to know who not to talk about. Hannah: We could talk about Henry

Wessmen.Maddie: Or Henry Theiman. Did anyone see Shutter Island?Liza: Yeah.Maddie: Did I tell you my story about the lady?Liza: No.Maddie: So this lady was being very rude to me in the movie theater because I was cracking jokes throughout parts that were so bad.Esch: You were talking during the mov-ie?Maddie: Well, quietly.Hannah: And she was mean to you?Maddie: Only Kara and Haley could hear it, and then I said something, and then she was like, “seriously,” and then Kara started laughing at my joke, and then the lady turns around and is like, “Shut the f*** up,” and I was like, “Wowah.” Then

like two minutes later, she was chatting it up with her boyfriend, and her phone was on vibrate ringing the whole time, and I was like, “You know what don’t say bad words to a sixteen-year-old girl.”Hannah: Wait, Maddie was that the whole story? You planned to tell the sto-ry, and it wasn’t even a good story.Esch: I was watching some movie, and I think the people behind me brought an entire turkey dinner wrapped in cello-phane. It was a really loud dinner. That’s the end of my story.LAUGHTEREsch: Wait, seriously. Who brings an en-tire turkey dinner wrapped in cellophane?

Liza: Your sandwich is way bigger than my sandwich. Even though it is the same sandwich.Esch: How are you measuring the sand-wich? Wait, you’re not eating that toma-to. Can I have it?Maunu: Did you really just ask how she was measuring the sandwich? You know you have a Masters in engineering when…Esch: How do you quantify it?Maunu: Are you measuring it weight, or by dimension? I am the slowest eater in the world.Esch: He’s not kidding. He will chew that spoonful of soup 28 times.Maddie: How do you chew soup?Esch: I don’t know why he chews his food so much. Tell them why you chew your food so much. Tell them. Tell them.Maunu: I don’t know why I chew my

food so much.Esch: I thought you said it was because you saw some-one throw up and whole chunks of food came up.Maunu: That’s not why I chew my food so much though.Esch: Oh I thought it was because of that.Maddie: EW!! That’s so gross. We’re eating right now.Maunu: That is a good story, though. In college, a friend of mine, he had a little bit to much to drink; we’ll say that.Esch: Lemonade!Maunu: Yes, various sun-

dries. So we went down to the beach and were body surfing, and he came in and went behind a car and relieves his stom-ach. So I went up there to make sure he was okay, and literally the macaroni and cheese he had for lunch as if he had just taken the pan and dumped it on the side-walk. Like full noodles.

Unfortunately, we forgot to turn the tape over, so although there was a lot more said, we do not have record of it. It is probably for your own good, though; the vast majority of the end of our lunch con-sisted of stories about vomit and other various sundries of things.

The carpooling crew. Photo by Henry Thurman

people, places & things

THE SCRIBE 19

20 THE SCRIBE

people, places & things

Dear Claire2 and Ben & Hen...

Dear Claire2 and Ben & Hen,

My best friend now has a boyfriend and she keeps ignoring me. She is always hanging out with him, and I feel like I have lost my best friend. What should I do?

Dear Claire2 and Ben & Hen,

A kid in my class keeps asking to see my homework. I feel uncomfortable with him/her copying my home-work, but I don’t want to look like a goody too shoes. I would understand if it were every once and a while, but every day? It’s getting pretty ridiculous. What should I do?

First, you should talk to your friend about how you feel. Don’t attack her; she may not even notice that she has been acting this way. Talk it out and try to plan a time to hang out in the future. Maybe try to befriend her boy-friend, so then you guys can all hang out to-gether. If you’re ever in a situation like this, just remember to not get worked up about it. If she is really your best friend, she will try to correct her ways.

Love,Claire2

Find a guy of your own. Don’t throw your-self at any boy that walks by, but if you see a nice fellow, start up a conversation and see where it goes. But yo, if your best friend is ditching you for a guy, you might want to find another one. Make new friends. Take one of your gal pals shopping; maybe you’ll find you have something in common...like your love for Justin Bieber.

XOXO, Ben and Hen

Girl please, you just need to make it ob-vious that you do not appreciate this person mooching off of you. I think most people in your class see through this kid, so don’t worry about people judging you. Don’t try to get this person in trouble (you’d most likely go down with ‘em). Remember snitches get stiches, but stand your ground.

Love,Claire2

When they ask you, tell them, “Oh shoot, dude, I didn’t do it either!” or, “Sorry man, I already turned it in.” Make that cheater pay for his bad deeds and lie your head off!

XOXO,Ben and Hen

By Claire Reiner, Claire Bryan, Henry Thurman, and Ben Peters

quad rants

Separated at Birth?

Compiled by Grace Paluch

Senior

Staff

Freshman

Sophomore

Junior

The one wish you want to

come true is...

What’s your

favorite thing about

spring?

Name a color and

what it reminds you of.

My dream job is...

For spring

break, I am...

to get swole like Jack

Fernandez.

Will girls be there?

I’m nervous!

My farmer’s tan

Pink reminds me of

my room.a rabbi.

staying inside. There might

be girls anywhere

else.

Austin Martin

to wake up in the morning feeling like

P. Diddy.

MORP spelled backwards. an heiress. staycationing.

Clare Miller

to date Willy Avery.

teen pregnancy. Running

naked in the rain

Brown reminds me of

Jake Danzo.

being a gynocologist for the stars.

going to Cancun con

Papi.Griffin Barra

for Ari Steegs to bring

fresh donuts.

a night to be remembered... but probably

won’t be.

That it’s warm and sunny

in San Diego! Oh wait...

Ms. Southworth’s

job.

college shopping.

Mitchell Dasteel

Eric Taylor pure, sober, and happy

ending!

AP Exams. Get some!

Flourescent reminds me of Scottish

people.

highly compensated

unemployment.

America.

When that bunny lays

eggs on my

lawn

And so can you.

Orange reminds me of oranges.

peace now and forever.

Brown reminds me

of our beautiful

Parker color.

Prom is...

Molly Morrison Dot from Bug’s Life

people, places & things

THE SCRIBE 21

22

Back Page

quad rants

Separated at Birth?

Compiled by Grace Paluch

Staff

Freshman

Sophomore

Junior

Can I kick it?

What does this

acronym stand for?

HERG

X marks the...

Would you

rather?

Avada-kedavra!

Hanna Glassman

Yeah. He’s my [muffin]

dealer.

HitEvery Red Gate

secrets.

Vanilla or Chocolate?

Bibly Bobly Boo

Kick what?

Leann BuiI know Justin Rasmuffin.

HairyElectronsRavage Gertrude

your mom’s treasure.

Have the head of a

microwave or the body of a

dinosaur?

Is that from Harry Potter?No, but I’ll

kick yours... where the sun don’t shine.

Colin Christopher

Yeah. He added me on Facebook.

Eeets whatever.

dirty girls.

Get nasty or get stanky?

I’d counter with the

Cruciatus Curse.

You mean hit it?

Robbi Robyn

I do. He’s my booty call.

HatedEagerRambunctiousGrouch

spot, four big boulders, one

tiny rock.Always have first dibs or always have

the last laugh?

Something I say when I want food.

Like Kung Fu Panda!

Rai WilsonWhy? What have you heard?

HateEngenders RageGrumpiness

student’s test.

Sleep or doze?Aardvarks are endangered

and need our support, not jokes.

You know this.

Do you know The

Muffin Man?

Senior

THE SCRIBBLE 21

liz’s quizzes

20 THE SCRIBBLE

INTERCEPTED:

(619):I was like, I only cheated on you twice, what’s the big d?

You thought the Patriot Act was bad? That’s just a sample. Let’s hope you all clean up your act just in time for the end of the year...but somehow I doubt you will. April showers bring May flowers and April rumors bring May...tumors? You know you love me...

xoxo,Gossip Girl

Hey, Lancers; it’s Gossip Girl here, your one and only source into the scandalous lives of San Diego’s elite. They say April is the cruelest month, and Gossip Girl’s decided to take that advice to heart. That’s right, Lancers; the betch is back. Kid gloves off. So instead of “spotted” tips and innuendos, we’re going to let your words speak for themselves. With the help of Parker’s tech department (who give a new meaning to the term “authoritarian chic”), Gossip Girl has tapped into your phones and will now anonymously reveal choice texts—your most in-timate texts, on the page. This April Fool’s, the joke’s on you…

INTERCEPTED:

(619): hey mr [EDITED} wut’s the hw in ur class?(1-619): wth?! how did you get this number?!

INTERCEPTED:

(619):cn u play ur scrabble word?(858):b**** plz i’m getting my nails dun.

INTERCEPTED:

(619):u cant stop love. i dont even care that hes on yearbook.

INTERCEPTED:

(619):can you give me a ride to scripps ranch?(1-619):scripps? lol that’s like so shady…

INTERCEPTED:

(619):omg did you see who’s running for asb? it’s, like, shocking. jk.

INTERCEPTED:

(858):did u hook up w/ my bf?(619):uve had this coming since science olympiad.

etcetera editor’s mini-tests

THE SCRIBBLE 19

HOT>>

NOT <<

TRENDY>>

VISIBLE ROOTSThere’s nothing more attractive than a nice halo of dark roots. They create a voluminous look that frames the face

beautifully. Growing them out to mid-ear is the way to go!

BULLYINGKids with glasses are losers and

deserve it. Kick ‘em to the curb and show ‘em who’s boss.

SPRAY TANSStreaky, orange lines on arms

and legs accentuate toned muscles and create a healthy glow. The “George Hamilton”

look is totally back in style this season, thank goodness.

SWINE FLUIt was all the rage this year, but the vaccine was created far too soon.

The flu had so much more potential. Oink, Oink.

BOTOXOur wrinkles are getting out of control.

Wipe that smile off your face! A permanently surprised look is

HOT, HOT, HOT.

KITTENSWe’ve never met one that doesn’t make us want to

throw up. Those fuzzy little kitten faces just dare me to

throw it across the room. And don’t even get me started

about kids.

EXERCISINGEndorphins are so overrated. Kick back and enjoy some potato chips,

Twinkies, and Ding Dongs.

SHOOBIESThe classic look of socks and sandals is making a

comeback. As the winter months linger on, we need a little warm-up for our toes. Slip on your favorite

pair of socks and some Rainbows, and you’re good to go! (Tip: Pick a pair of toe socks. They make this

look even classier.)

PLUMBER’S CRACKGo ahead, bend over and show it off!

Plumber’s crack is the height of fashion. Try this elegant style before it slips away.

PLAGIARIZINGWhy should we actually do the work when we have the Internet and its endless resources

at our fingertips?

By Claire Reiner and Haley Robinson

LIVING AT HOMEOnce you hit that magic 18, pack up your

stuff and get out of there.

LIP LINERPick a color of liner that is at least five shades darker than your lipstick. Trace the lines of your lips and then apply your lipstick. Need I

say more?

liz’s quizzes

18 THE SCRIBBLE

Have you ever wanted to cross the street but felt trapped on one side be-cause cars wouldn’t stop? Crossing the street can be a traumatic experi-ence, but you no longer have to go through it alone. The Walking Man is here to guide you and to make sure that you cross the street safely. When you’re standing at the crosswalk, he appears on the screen, encouraging you to proceed to you destination. Just watch out for his brother, Red Hand...

Eating can be a messy, frustrat-ing experience but your troubles are now over with the invention of the spork! The spork combines the face of a spoon and the spear ends of a fork, making one power-ful and convenient piece of metal. No more hassle with two utensils; now you can eat your ice cream and your cake at the same time!

Scientists have discovered a new function fulfilled by the human body: breathing. In the process of breathing, lungs take in oxygen and release carbon dioxide. “Is breathing safe?” you may ask. Al-though this function has only been recently discovered, it has been found to be completely harmless and is even helpful to the human body. So take some time out of your busy day to take a deep breath.

Waste no more time rubbing your genie lamp, because a new inter-net search engine called Google is now more popular than ever! Got a question? Google has answers! Google offers access to count-less sources of useful information. Next time a question stumps you, try Googling it. The possibilities of answers you discover are countless.

It

5 HINGS

T

YOU SHOULD KNOW

Stop and Go

Just Breathe

Scoop-n-Spear

By Nicole Aquino

Plug it InWith your phone overloading from all the texts and phone calls you get, your phone battery can die quickly. Next time your phone dies, plug it in to the wall with a phone charger. Chances are, with a phone charger, your phone’s life will last longer. You’ll never need to put your social life on hold again.

etcetera editor’s mini-tests

THE SCRIBBLE 17

3. Viterbi Center Fire Closet 1. Under Stairways

5. Unisex Bathrooms

And you thought those handprints were from middle schoolers playing tag?

Top 10 Places to Avoid on Campus: Hook-Up Spots RevealedBy Sloan Christopher

PDA, a sickness far worse than the H1N1 breakout, has been reported a lot in the past weeks on campus. Honestly, public displays of affection are gross. Really. I don’t care how attractive the two- or three- of you are, no one wants to see it. Heck, think of all of the little freshman’s minds your poison-ing! And to all the couples out there, go on doing what-or who- you do best, but please, do everyone a favor

and make sure you do it in private, or even better: OFF CAMPUS!

7. Library Study Rooms

2. Dugouts

Kids these days sure are talented. I didn’t know you could cover all the bases without ever leaving the dugout.

4. Batting CagesUnderground, secluded, and equipped with a couch... Perfect.

It’s funny how

Parker students don’t understand the concept of glass. If you can see

us, then we can see you too.

6. Parking Lot

8. Dark Room in PhotoFreshmen, you don’t have to be scared of the dark room anymore. It turns out the noises coming from inside weren’t ghosts after all.

9. Boys’ Locker Room ShowersI don’t even want to think about what goes on in there… It just gets so hot and steamy.

10. Library Elevator

liz’s quizzes

16 THE SCRIBBLE

Over the years, many of us have pondered the ridankulous, far-out, ludicrous notion that perhaps Francis Parker School is simply too difficult for us. In case you haven’t, now you can. Below are twelve reasons why we think each and every student should throw up his or her hands and say, “I quit!” Because quitters are not losers. Look at Bill Gates.

52. Save your family the embarrassment of you not getting into Stanford.

92. The buildings let in too much sunshine, and the huge windows that allow me to stare out at people on the quad are quite distracting.

7. With admissions to Harvard, George-town, Stanford, Yale, and MIT, the alumni show us a bleak future.

98. What could Mr. Roudebush teach me about multivariate cal-culus that I don’t already know?

27. There are plenty of careers that don’t require a high school diploma. Hey, riding on the back of garbage trucks is fun!

43. Those risqué middle schoolers are on their way and I just can’t handle losing, my man to an eighth grader

16. With so few chicken crispi-tos served, what do I have to look forward to at lunch?

63. Classes are much too large. An 18 student maxi-mum is way too big.

-53. Who hasn’t wanted to join the circus?

64. The faculty at Francis Parker are just plain rude. Mr. Esch only allows students to play foosball for half of lunch.

46. With Deon Randall off to Yale, what hopes does our football team have?

13. With the money that would be spent on a year’s tuition, you could buy a new Prius.

By Marisa Canepa and Sara Linssen

Reasons why parker just isn’t worth it anymore.

etcetera editor’s mini-tests

THE SCRIBBLE 15

liz’s quizzes

Treasure Hunt

Begin at the door of The Scribble headquarters. Turn to your starboard side and take 43 paces. Halt! Turn port-wards and hop 28 hops. Turn right and swagger 52 paces, moving forwards two paces and then backwards one pace. Halt and read the Bulletin (say happy birthday to those with birthdays). March 19 more paces, take a slight starboard turn and measure out 31 more paces. Clap three times and do a little dance. It will take 81 paces to cross the sea of grass, during which time you may have to fend off flying Frisbees. You have arrived at stairs. Scurry up the stairs and take a right. Eight paces more and a red X marks the spot!

It’s time for a treasure hunt! Ten pictures of senior Alia Kiran have been posted around campus. Each of the ten clues below leads to a location. Solve the riddles and find the pictures. The first ten people to bring a picture to Alia to The Scribble will receive a prize!

Afriennd Maluiwar bvyr tchier foideblnd riuslwens.

This spot is in every issue of The Scribe, but is rarely ever seen any other time. Go where the buses go and where Fashion Valley can be seen. There you will see a sign.

Lia-ay’s iding-hay pstairs-uay n-iay he-tay ieldhouse-fay.

.-../ ---/ ---/ -.-// -.../ -.--// -/ ..../ .// .../ -.-./ ../ ./ -./ -.-./ .// -/ .-./ ---/ .--./ ..../ ../ ./ ...

“Now that it’s raining more than ever/Know that we’ll still have each other/You can stand under my umbrella/You can stand under my umbrella”

This traveling box leads to adventure, knowledge, and fun. But only speak in whispers; some people are actually here to study. Push the up button, and soon you will be done.

1-12-9-1-19 8-5-1-4 9-19 8-9-4-9-14-7 2-25 20-8-5 5-12-2-3-20-18-9-3 2-21-12-12-5-20-9-14 2-15-1-18-4.

Muassa pää on vihreä huoneen ovi

Take a suggestion, and look for Alia where feedback can be given. Sixth period, the government is in session here.

By Meagan Harris

When you are bored, what do you do? Well, whatever you said, I have a better idea: prank calls. Prank calls are a great way to waste not only your time but also the time of a random stranger. So the next time you find yourself wanting to amuse yourself, just grab a phone, block your number and have some anonymous fun. Here is an authentic prank call made to the Whole Foods in Boston, Texas on Tuesday, February 23. In it, the caller pretends to be an elderly man named Irving Schwimmer, who has an embarrassing problem...

14 THE SCRIBBLE

etcetera editor’s mini-tests

Whole Foods: Hello, this is Catherine. How may I help you?Caller: Hello, I’m in the market for a nice cereal with high fiber, some flax-seed... this is kind of awkward talking to a woman, but I’m having some trouble with my bowel movements.W: Okay, we have a fiber section, but...C: It’s like explosive diarrhea-W: -if you wanna talk about cereal, then I would have to hand you over to the grocery department because that’s not my department.C: I don’t know, I’m just looking for something to contain it; it’s everywhere.W: Umm, you said you were having diarrhea?C: Explosive diarrhea.W: I would come in and get some ac-tivated charcoal pills, is what I would do.C: I was looking for something I could put, maybe, in my bowl of Total in the mornings.W: No, I don’t know about that. C: Okay. Then let me ask you some-thing: So if I take these pills, or what-ever option I intend to take, what is the consistency of the bowel movements? Like condensed logs?W: Umm. I’m not sure if I can actually answer that question. I cannot predict the future of your bowel movements. It all depends on where it stems from and that would be me recommending stuff and diagnosing you, which I can’t do.C: Okay, and not to get a little over the line and disgusting but, umm, the smell it’s just very hard to take, you know. I mean, it’s comical yes, but it’s painful for my wife, Doris.W: Uhhh, you might want to go see a doctor if you are that concerned, you know?C: Well, I am concerned I might kill one of my neighbors, you know.

W: Ya, ya. Umm, just go see a doctor then.C: I mean, it has gotten to the point where we can’t even light a match any-more.W: (No response)C: … Big explosion, you know… But, that’s too far. I have gone too far. Damn it Irving, you have gone too far once again.W: Well, just come on in and see us, and we will help you out.C: And I am at the point now where...it’s just happening all the time. The girl that is working for me, she went on vacation, so I can’t send her and my wife’s not go-ing to want to get me a pill to help with my poop. So if I come in, do you guys have bathrooms over there or what?W: Yes, sir. We have a lot of bathrooms for you to come poop in. You can do that.C: That sounds fantastic!W: Great.C: Any music in the bathrooms?W: You are just cracking me up.C: Well, I am just an old-timer, you know.W: Well, I am not sure it will be on a station that you want to hear. If not we can talk to the shift manager and we can have them change it to a station that you feel comfortable using the bathroom to.C: Well, eventually I would like to talk to the s*** manager before I get over there.W: I can get the shift manager right now. Can I put you on hold and I will get the shift manager?C: Okay.(On hold)W: Hi there. My name is Elizabeth, how may I help you?C: Yes, I was speaking to Catherine and she recommended me to the s***

manager.W: Ok, how may I help?C: Yes, so is it one-ply or two-ply toilet paper?W: I have no idea!C: I am sorry, I am just very sensitive to this. It’s very embarrassing...W: Well, if you want two-ply I would recommend bringing your own.C: So if I show up to Whole Foods with some toilet paper, I walk in…W: Oh, well I would recommend putting it in a bag, silly.C: Yes, that would be terribly awkward... I will hide it in my Yamaka. W: Sir, I am finding that we are getting a little inappropriate.C: I am not trying to get inappropriate. I am just an 87-year-old man, Irving Schwimmer.W: I’m sorry?C: Look, if you don’t want to be asked these types of question, these questions, then maybe you shouldn’t be involved in the s*** managing business. It’s a tough field.W: I welcome any questions, but I do feel that you are venturing into a certain area that is a little inappropriate.C: Listen, you don’t seem to be welcom-ing me. I don’t understand why you are not welcoming me.W: I am welcoming you.C: I am very nice.... Listen, I have got to be honest with you, Cheryl...W: That is not my name, sir.C: What is your name?W: My name is Elizabeth.C: Oh, I am very sorry, Doris. Listen, my name is Irving, and I come in peace. (Pause, No response) Cheryl, are you still there, honey?W: I’m sorry, but I am going to have to end this phone call. I hope you have a wonderful afternoon.

PRANK CALLS

Compiled by Michael Schreiner

THE SCRIBBLE 13

schreiner’s diners

By Cameron Songer

Trac

k an

d Fi

eld

base

ball

100 m Backwards RunRoland Jackson: 9.51Austin Sanders: 11.68400 m UnicycleMatthias Nikaj: 51.78Nicole Aquino: 55.61Seed SpittingWes Gavin: 77’6”Lisa Considine: 72’9”200 m Teacher CarryBergsma/Fickling: 45.81Gurtin/Danzo: 43.90 1600 m Three-Legged RaceDeon Randall/Demaree Har-ris5:01.76

22-39-03-41-154-3489-889-1267-10715-24

Record: 768 - 672Parker vs. OLP2-0Parker vs. CCA19-19Parker vs. Kit Carson El-ementary0-14Parker vs. Bishop’s 110-0Parker vs. San Diego Padres1-0Parker vs. Girl Scout Troop 34549-.08Parker vs. Chula Vista Little League8-10Parker vs. Mesa College3-.01

game notes

Spor

t-ba

ll

10. See how far you can throw a hot dog onto the field.

9. Wear your pet snake around your neck.

8. Bring your muppet friends to the game and have a loud conversation with them about how great the weather is.

7. Wrestle a little kid for a souvenir t-shirt

6. …and lose.

5. Try to be the mascot by knocking out all those who stand in your way.

2. Every time the oppos-ing team scores, remark to your neighbor, “My mama always told me life was like a box of chocolates.”

1. Watch the game with opera glasses.

3. Watch Friday Night Lights on your portable DVD player. It’ll show you what REAL high school football is like.

TOP 10 THINGS TO DO AT A SPORTs GAME

4. Come to the game dressed to the nines and dance to all the pep band songs. Ask Mr. Hunt or Mr. G to dance.

12 THE SCRIBBLE

sports editor’s hamburger joints

By Brian Alpert

It’s true. The number one wizard’s sport of all time is coming to Parker. Because of its wild popularity at the recent March Madness event, the ASB has convinced the sports department to add Quidditch to the spring sports roster. Due to the lack of funding and available space on campus, Parker cannot have its own certified Quid-ditch stadium. Instead, the team will be sharing the athletics field with lacrosse. The first official season of Quidditch has been delayed due to some minor complications such as getting a team together and an inability to find several escaped broomsticks; however, it will be starting soon. If you have any information regarding the afore-mentioned broomsticks, please report it to the Athletics Office. The team is still in need of two beaters and a keeper, so if you feel like flying Parker’s colors to victory, sign up now.

The favorite pastime of grand-mas around the world has just become competitive. Knitting is becoming more and more popular among young adults. Parker now has announced the addition of this new sport. Some may say that knitting is not sport-worthy, but don’t be fooled by those “knit wits.” After twenty minutes of non-stop weaving needles through yarn, carpal tunnel begins to kick in. Students com-pete in timed races to knit the most articles of clothing such as beanies, mittens, and socks. Knitters are judged by the quality and quantity of their garments after a thirty-minute competi-tion. This new fall sport makes its debut next year, so stitch up a plan to join the knitting team.

This sport comes to Parker fresh from England. For those who are less informed of our British brothers, Cricket is best described as England’s version of baseball. To ease the student body into this new sport, I’ll help you get into the mood by speaking in British accent. The rules are quite simple. The bowler hurls the ball down the pitch towards the batter, who tries to play away a fine leg. He endeavors to score by dashing between the popping creases, provided the wicket keeper hasn’t whipped his bails off of course. Cricket truly is a smashing good game. However, it does have a tendency to get a bit violent, but that won’t stop Parker giving it the full monty to wipe the floor with the competition. Don’t be dull as ditch water this winter. If you find yourself at a loose ends, remember to sign up and we’ll see you anon on the pitch.

Quidditch

Knitting

Cricket

Parker’s New Sports

game notes

CurlingHot dog-eatingRecord: 200.5 - 52

Parker vs. New England62-23Parker vs. UCLA 90-1.11111Parker vs. Atlantis15-0.002Parker vs. U.S. Olympic Speed Skating Team2-8Parker vs. Vancouver 8-3.14159Parker vs. Mt.Olympus293-294Parker vs. Antartica6-66Parker vs.Parker10-10Parker vs. The Incredibles 50-8000Parker vs. Mark Twain 2-43

Record: 18.3 - 10.345Parker vs. Canada3-12Parker vs. LJCD4-3Parker vs. Finland23-6Parker vs. The Norwegian Olympic Team’s Pants3-9000000Parker vs. Horizon345023-2567.32Parker vs. UCSD344-802Parker vs. Canada1-0Parker vs. Greenland56-39.009Parker vs. Denver Broncos14-6.928

As viewers of the hit medical drama House know well, it is never lupus. Lupus, an autoimmune disease, has so many dif-fering symptoms that it has been suggested as the cause of the patient’s sickness in nearly every episode, only to be immedi-ately shot down by Dr. Gregory House. Well, now Dr. House is getting a taste of his own medicine; he becomes a victim of the very disease that his patients never seem to have. His team is stumped for a majority of the episode, but, in a bizarre twist of events, the night janitor makes the final diagnosis.

berk’s perks

THE SCRIBBLE 11

Spoiler Alert!The Scribble has uncovered some spoilers from America’s hottest TV shows. So if you’d like to know what happens to the characters you love in the season’s upcoming episodes, read on. You will not believe what the networks have in store for you.

This ABC Family program contin-ues to be one of the most controver-sial shows on television. With preg-nant teenagers, relationship troubles, marriage proposals, divorces, plane crashes, and band camp there is not much else that this show could do to shock us. Well, everything except bringing in real pregnant teens. Both Jamie Lynn Spears and Bristol Palin will join the cast, bringing a whole new sense of authenticity to the show while providing excellent role models for young girls everywhere.

This new hit show returns this spring with more show tunes, sing-offs, and mattress commercials. The previous episodes provided fans with plenty to cheer about, partic-ularly the finale kiss between Will and Emma. However, no one saw this one coming. New Directions’ very own Rachel Berry becomes…popular? No wait that cannot be right. The Scribble’s sources must be faulty; Rachel Berry is so not popular! Alas, Miss Berry apparently takes McKinley High by storm to become the next “top dog.” We’ll see how long that lasts before our favorite coach, Sue Sylvester, puts an end to it.

BONES

America may have started watching Bones because of the realistically gory crime scenes, but they fell in love with the show because of the hilarious relationship between partners Dr. Temperance Brennan and Special Agent See-ley Booth. That relationship, however, will never be the same after this. A witness to a crime Brennan and Booth are investigating turns out to be Booth’s cousin…and Brennan’s? Are Bones and Booth related? Could this be the end of one of America’s favorite couples? Tune in to find out.

HOUSE

THE SECRET LIFE OF THE AMERICAN TEENAGER

By Kaity Wilson

10 THE SCRIBBLE

Compiled by Suzanna Ahern

Michael Weil Selena Gomez- “Naturally”

Graphics by Laura Hinman

s

Everyone has ‘em. Those songs we’re embarrassed to admit we

really love. These few brave souls let us in on their song secrets.

ParkerMixtape:Guilty Pleasures

Joey BenoitsMichael Bublé- “Haven’t Met You Yet”

Ari SteiglersBritney Spears- “Hit Me Baby One More Time”

Jocelyn SilverChristina Aguilera- “Can’t Hold Us Down”

s

Zuri WalkersBig & Rich- “Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy”

entertainment editor’s upsides

maddie’s laddies

THE SCRIBBLE 9

March 21, 2010. The Scribe staff lands in San Diego at 5:50 p.m. after its trip to New York. The staff members tried to mask their guilt as they exited the plane. Sweat droplets trickled from their ner-vous brows as they made their way to Carousel Three in the baggage claim. Af-ter the conveyer belt finished its rounds, managing editor, senior Alia Kiran, re-alized her luggage had been lost. The students’ hearts beat faster and faster as their parents approached, hoping and praying that no one would notice that Ki-ran’s suitcase was not the only item that didn’t make it home. Fortunately, with all the excitement and crowds at the arrival station in the airport, no one seemed to notice at first. But the truth was soon re-vealed. As the students and families left the crowded terminal for the fresh air outside, everyone noticed something that hadn’t been there before: silence. It be-came obvious to all that sophomore Liza Gurtin was not present. And so the inter-rogations began. The students and adviser Ms. Nancy

Danzo had prepared a few scenarios and excuses as to why Gurtin was not on the plane home, but they all knew the truth would come out eventually. And the truth was that on March 19, 2010, Gurtin was traded to street urchins by Ms. Danzo and other Scribers in exchange for five high quality Prada

and Gucci knock-offs. As horrible as that act may seem, these purses were fresh off the black market, almost identical to the real things, in perfect condition, but cost more than what the staff was will-ing to spend; there was no other option but to exchange Gurtin. (They believed the criminals would want to give her back after a few minutes with her, but the criminals found some duct tape and made it work.) So the staff decided to leave the scene, call the police, and re-port the situation as a kidnapping, hop-ing Gurtin would be found soon enough and returned to the group. Unfortunately, this was not the case. The police had still not tracked her down by Sunday, and be-cause the tickets were already paid for, the staffers felt they had no choice but to board the plane and leave her behind. The parents were not satisfied with this explanation and demanded a detailed ac-count of how the transaction occurred. It was Friday afternoon, around 3:45 p.m., and senior Hannah Ostrow, Kiran, junior Maddie Thurman, Gurtin, junior Meagan Harris, and Ms. Danzo were

walking back to their hotel after spending some time shopping in Chinatown. On the corner of 1st and Amistad, there were two grungy-looking men selling purses, a very common sight in New York City, but these purses were different; they were impeccable. The girls had to have them. But the girls hoped to save some money for the hot dog stand across the street. It was a battle between their hunger for the purses and their hunger for the hot dogs. Ultimately, Ms. Danzo found a solution that would make everyone happy. Well, everyone except for Gurtin. And so, the transaction was made; unfortunately, the staffers were not able to get Gurtin back as planned. Mr. and Mrs. Gurtin were a wreck, while her brother Grant appeared to be enjoying the whole story. The rest of the staffers were sulking in their shame. In this moment of silence, a faint, yet fa-miliar, noise was heard in the distance. There was a woman sitting on a bench and the noise appeared to be coming from her enormous handbag, a purse very similar to the ones the girls had trad-ed Gurtin for. The noise became louder as the purse’s zipper fumbled around without the woman’s aid. All of the sud-den, Gurtin crawled out of the woman’s handbag. After the excitement and shock died down (though it really wasn’t much of a surprise to anyone that Gurtin would be able to fit in a Gucci handbag), Gurtin explained to everyone how she managed to escape by hiding in one of the purses. It was by pure coincidence and luck that the woman who bought the purse hap-pened to be on their flight. Now all were safe and all were well. Everyone went to his or her car and closed the door—and that’s all there is. There isn’t anymore.

How Liza Gurtin was sold in a New York minute... INYBy Maddie Thurman

faetures editor’s british boys

8 THE SCRIBBLE

THE SCRIBBLE UNCOVERS:

Prom 2010 After lots of not-so-sneaky bribery, such as free donuts, writing their essays, and completing their calc homework, The Scribe has finally persuaded the Prom committee to reveal the themes they are deliberating for this year’s big night. We hear

what this year’s committee is keeping under wraps is nothing short of amazing, but shhh, you didn’t hear it from us!

Due to recent Prom budget collapse from a little over-spending (we hear a certain senior used up the budget on a trip to Big Bear), the committee finds itself in bit of a debt. To save the ASB’s funds, as well as the Earth, Parker is going green- WAY green.

Decorations: Prepare for some deja-vu, because this year’s prom will fea-ture decorations that you may have seen in the past. Expect to see Eiffel towers, Versailles backdrops, Brazilian Carnival colors and Broadway signs adorning the gym all at once. One trip around, and you’ll feel like you’ve been around the whole world... or you may just get a little confused. The Prom Committee even plans to make use of the contents of our school’s recycling bins.... Nothing says “a night to remember” like confetti made of recycled math worksheets and crushed cans! Food: We hear tofu is all the rage in Hol-lywood. Celebs are doing it, and now so is Parker! Our Parker Cafe is going green by being kind to animals and serving only organic at this year’s prom. We love tofu and bean sprouts, and so will you! Who needs cake and brownies when you can lose weight and look great by eating fresh and organic?

The Prom Committee has given us the lowdown, or should we say hoedown, on another of this year’s possible themes. Ev-eryone’s favorite farm will soon become a reality when Parker hosts Prom 2010: A Night in Farmville!

Option One:Go GreenBy Emily Heft

Music: Get ready for a blast from the past, because the ASB plans on using its old ‘90s CD’s.... Af-ter all, there’s no better song to slow-dance to than “Oops.. I Did It Again.”

Music: One ASB member revealed that the DJ is hard at work spinning some re-mixes of the Farmville theme song that are sure to get everyone dancing!

Option Two:

Food: In Farmville, crops are harvested when they’re perfectly ripe. Rumor has it we have some very eager farmers on our own campus. Members of AP Bio have agreed to harvest and cook treats such as bean soup from the beans they grew in their classroom windows; Marine Bio is also ru-mored to have caught some marlin and seaweed that they plan to make into sushi. Maybe we will even be treated to some dissected frogs, or ber-ries growing in the canyon. Also, for a realistic farming experience, every ten minutes the prom-goers will “harvest” fruit in the commons that they can then eat.

Decorations: No more argu-ing over who has more crops—Parker will become authentically rural, with enough produce for everyone to share! Decora-tions will feature hay bales, dirt, trees, a variety of Farmville gifts stacked against the wall, and live farm animals! How fun will it be to have goats headbutting you on the dance floor, and real chick-ens attacking each other? You may even spot a cow or two roaming around, al-though if we can’t find real cows in San Diego, we have two very willing freshmen who have agreed to dress up as cows instead!

Frishops W. Barker

The economic crisis has affected us all. What none of us realized was how hard the recession has been impacting Francis Parker and The Bishop’s School. Both schools have been working vigor-ously to reverse the results of the eco-nomic downturn. In an effort to conserve money, SmartBoard orders have been put on hold, students have been deprived of dessert on both campuses, and a lack of appropriate copy paper has been noted by educational professionals at both lo-cations. The Scribe was able to get the inside scoop on the announcement that the Francis Parker Administration will be making to the public in the coming days. Francis Parker School and The Bishop’s School will be combining into one school with two separate campuses to conserve resources and pool tuition money. The new name? Frishops W. Barker School. With both schools facing the diffi-

cult choice of either cutting class dinners or canceling Proms, they realized that something had to be done for the sake of their students. Because both schools were in the same boat, Parker and Bish-ops sought each other’s advice and cre-ated joint committees to solve the issues presented to the school. After hours and hours of intense discussion, both parties realized that the best solution may be the least popular. In speaking with an un-named member of the committee, he/she quoted the age-old saying, “The right de-cision isn’t always the easy one.” “It makes so much sense,” said Upper School Principal Mr. Patrick Mitchell dur-ing an interview after receiving questions from concerned parents. “By combining the two schools, we will also be able to combine our tuitions. Thus, both Parker’s and Bishop’s financial problems will be solved and the schools can continue to

thrive as one!” Mitchell went on to further explain that the transformation, or merging, will begin at the end of this school year so that the new system will be in place by the beginning of next year. A commonly asked question is wheth-er the new school will be based on the Parker campus or the Bishop’s cam-pus. Since Parker has just finished all of its major construction and Bishop’s is well-settled on its campus, it was de-cided that neither school will be moving; if a student had a class on the Bishops campus following a class on the Parker campus, he or she will simply be able to use the new Frishops trolley between the schools. Mitchell, however, expressed his excitement over the idea of walking, in lieu of taking a trolley. Because of the money each school will be saving by joining together as Frishops, a trolley is going to be constructed between Bishops and Parker, creating a ride that will only take 45 minutes. Students also questioned matters such as the fate of the school mascot, school colors, and uniform. The new Frishop’s mascot will be a golden knight…fear-some! Our school colors will be maroon and brown, and because Bishop’s has refused to budge on its uniforms, Park-er students will be returning to a much stricter dress code. Although this form of action may seem to have been decided quickly, it seems to be the only and best solution for both Parker and Bishop’s. There are many questions still unanswered about the fate of “The Frishops W. Barker School,” but Mitchell asked that everyone refrain from asking further questions until after an assembly in the near future that will unveil the complete plan.

maddie’s laddies

THE SCRIBBLE 7

More changes on campus are on their way...or should we say campuses?

By Aly Barrett and Sara Linssen

- Thought brown and gold was bad? The administration has finally heard your concerns! The new school colors

will be brown and maroon. - With the creation of Frishops, the administration has decided to combine the Parker tradition of Hiya Hiya and the Bishop’s tradition of Blessing of the Animals into a brand new tradition- Blessing of the Children.

- Get ready for back to school shopping! Since Bishop’s refused to budge on the uniform issue, students that merely attended Francis Parker will now be required

to buy a whole new wardrobe. Say goodbye to OptionB! - Frishop’s will be adopting a Milk and Donut Break as

an attempt to make both sets of students feel more com- fortable with the transition.

Important Changes to Take Note Of:

6 THE SCRIBBLE

It has become a clear mission of Fran-cis Parker School to educate its children in the ways of the world. From the grow-ing number of international trips offered in the Middle and Upper Schools to the developing school in Colombia, Parker’s global awareness programs have grown tremendously. In the years to come, Francis Parker hopes to further advance its global awareness program. Parker students have been traveling to the Sa-vannah in South Africa for the past five years, and the administration has decided it is time to take this project to the next level. The perfect opportunity came when the plans for a Francis Parker South Ko-rea campus fell through; instead, a new Parker campus will now be opening in South Africa. The South Africa educational trip was Parker’s first annual global trip, so it makes sense that it will be the location of our first campus abroad. The campus will be on the Savannah, in Parys, South Af-rica, the same location of the trips for the past five years. It will start out small, with approximately 20 students from the San Diego Francis Parker and about 50 stu-dents from the town of Parys, with teach-ers from San Diego and South Africa. San Diego students will be able to study abroad after their sophomore year, but South African students will most likely attend the program after high school due to the differences in curriculum between countries. Parker students will be able to study at the campus for either a trimester, a year, or a summer, as as extension of the global education trip. Students will be required

to take the same classes that they would typically take at the San Diego campus, but additional classes will be offered as well. The class schedule will run in a block schedule; students will take three sessions per trimester. In each three-week session, students will take two Parker classes, covering the material of a tri-mester class. In addition, they will have the opportunity to take classes and elec-tives with South African students. For example, Africaans, Sotho, and Cheetah will be offered as language classes. The campus is tentatively scheduled to open in the fall of 2052. Part of the experience is learning South African culture, so students will go on many day trips and have the oppor-tunity to spend weekends in other parts of the country. Academic Dean Mr. Marc Thiebach, who has been on the global trip multiple times and will be in South Africa for the campus’ first two trimes-ters, has been a part of the planning and scheduling from the beginning. “This is an amazing opportunity for the students to experience another cul-ture and they will learn so much from the country and the people they interact with. As for getting out of the classroom and experiencing the culture, I am plan-ning on having a different theme for each week, for example giraffe week. We will be learning to ride, race, and maintain the giraffes on the Savannah,” says Mr. Thiebach. In addition to experiencing the cul-ture, a large portion of the program will be service-based. Each global education trip participated in one or several service

projects. On this year’s trip, the students formed a relationship with an after-school daycare center that Parker hopes to maintain in future years. The goal is for service to play an even larger role in the future. In the study abroad program, each student will spend the trimester pri-or to their time in South Africa planning a service project; they can create a new project or continue an existing project. Sophomore Alana Sherman went on the interim trip in February, and after hear-ing about the new campus said, “I would love to go back! Two weeks just isn’t enough time to experience everything; it would be amazing to be able to go back to the daycare and volunteer on a regular basis and teach the Na’vi language to the younger kids.” It is a rare and amazing opportunity to travel to the Savannah, but to have the chance to open up a campus in South Africa is incredible. Head of School Dr. Richard Blumenthal said, “This project is still at an early stage and there is still much to be reviewed and discussed, but as it progresses, I will do my very best to keep everyone well-informed.”

By Kira Newton AFricaCampus inFrishops W. Barker

faetures editor’s boys

...dig it

Ggood

Robert Sylvester Kelly (born January 8, 1967), best known by the stage name R. Kelly, is an American singer-songwriter, and record producer. Debuting in 1992 with the group Public Announcement, Kelly went solo in 1993 for a successful solo career starting with the album, 12 Play. Kelly is known for a collection of hit singles including “Bump n’ Grind,” “I Believe I Can Fly,” “Gotham City,” “Igni-tion (Remix)”, “If I Could Turn Back the Hands of Time”, “The World’s Great-est”, and the hip-hopera “Trapped in the Closet”. Kelly has also produced and per-formed in many tracks by other R&B and hip-hop artists. In 1993, Kelly produced and wrote the debut album of late R&B singer Aaliyah and in November 1994, Kelly co-produced and wrote a song “You Are Not Alone” for Michael Jackson, which was later included in Jackson’s then-latest album, HIStory.

Uugly

Let’s face it, guys: When it comes to research projects, Wikpedia is quickly be-coming our one-and-only source for information. Although Wikipedia is useful for acquiring the general knowledge necessary to understand a topic in its wider con-text, it should under no circumstances be used as anything more than a supplement.

* “Good” and “Bad” sections taken from en.wikipedia.org

By Michael Zamost

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matthias’s priuses

THE SCRIBBLE 5

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R. Kelly has been accused of having relationships with underage girls in the past, but none of the prior reports reached the level of publicity that followed the release of a video tape in February 2002. The tape, released by an unknown source, was sent to the Chicago Sun-Times, the newspaper that broke the story. Kelly denied that he was the man in the video. Bootleg copies of that tape became widely avail-able on the black market and over file sharing networks. In June 2002, Kelly was indicted in Chicago for 21 counts of fornicating with a minor, which were later reduced.

Editor’s Note Freshman year, I watched Matthias Nikaj stand on top of a desk and threaten to jump in the middle of sixth period Topics in So-cial Studies. Within the last couple weeks, I spent twelve consecutive days at school, the shortest day here lasting nine hours, the longest lasting fifteen. Somewhere in between, I realized that Francis W. Parker is not a normal high school. Not only is it abnor-mal for a school; it’s abnor-mal compared to any place that exists in our society. At some point, it became clear to me that Parker seems to cater to the abnormal—or, as I would venture to say, the mentally unstable. The insane. Here are my suspicions: Parker exists as a sort of alternative to an alternative high school, an insane asylum masquerading as a prep school, a place where parents can send their children so that their beloved little angels never need to know that they don’t fit in. Because at Parker, we do. At Parker, we are treated just as we think normal students are treated. We are understood and accepted by our peers and tolerated and coddled by our teachers. Parents who have heard about Parker’s innovative psychological approach need only visit the asylum’s website, www.francisparker.com (not to be confused with the school’s website, www.francisparker.org). It may seem like I’m being unreasonable. But it is truly the only sane way to explain why half of Ms. Lemoine’s seventh period stats class calls her Mommy, why I spent twenty minutes at lunch a couple weeks ago defending the Slytherin house’s reputation, why Lindsey Steinert greets Ms. O with a kiss on the cheek every time they see each other in the hallway, why Brian Holmes, as a freshman, tried to saw his own cast off his broken arm, why Devan Diwanji said the other day that a 93 percent is a “decent grade.” So, I guess, in sum, welcome to The Scribble 2010, where we bring you all the news too true to print.

Nude Tanning in the Quad: Spring has finally sprung here at Francis Parker School for Boys and Girls, and we couldn’t be happier about it.

barometer

editorial editor’s hybrids

4 THE SCRIBBLE

Clothed Tanning in the Quad: Get with the program.

By Hannah Ostrow

Laura Hinman: She has nothing but nice things to say about every-one on campus. Her loving glances put us all at ease.

Lack of Cliques: Where are the “girls who eat their feelings, the girls who don’t eat anything, the Asian nerds, the cool Asians, the burnouts, and the unfriendly black hotties” that Mean Girls promised us?

“Lolz” and “lolsies”: We really want to hate these expressions, but we just can’t.

THE SCRIBBLE 3Editors-in-ChiefHannah OstrowMichael Zamost

Managing EditorAlia Kiran

Editorials EditorMatthias Nikaj

Features EditorsMeagan Harris

Maddie Thurman

Entertainment EditorsSuzanna Ahern

Berkeley Cavignac

Sports EditorsMichael SchreinerCameron Songer

Etcetera EditorsLiza Gurtin

Elizabeth Stanfel

Graphic DesignerLaura Hinman

Staff WritersBrian Alpert

Nicole AquinoAly Barrett

Claire BryanMarisa Canepa

Sloan ChristopherErica FinferEmily Heft

Anna HobbsKara Jones

Simone LeonardSara LinssenKira Newton

Walker NewtonGrace Paluch

Madeline PeelingBen Peters

Claire ReinerHaley RobinsonHenry Thurman

Kaity Wilson

ConsultantMichelle Adelman

AdviserNancy Danzo

1909-10

Share with us any questions, concerns, or comments you have about the magazine. We don’t actually read these letters, but they give us a sense of moral satisfaction. Also, whenever anyone complains, we can give them a contempuous look and say, “Well, why don’t you write a letter to the editor, huh?”

Email us at thescribe69@gmail.com

Scribble Staff 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22

2 THE SCRIBBLE

TOC

EDITORIALS EDITOR’S

FEATURES EDITOR’S

ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR’S

SPORTS EDITOR’S

ETCETERA EDITOR’S

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22

Front cover design by Laura Hinman

Back page design by Elizabeth Stanfel

Editor’s Note /

GBU: The good, the bad and the ugly (p. 5)

Parker’s new sports (p. 12)Top 10 things to do at a sports game (p.

13)

Campus in Africa (p. 6)Frishops W. Barker (p. 7)The Scribble uncovers: Prom 2010

Parker Mixtape: Guilty Pleasures (p. 10)Spoiler Alert! (p.11)

Prank calls (p. 14)Treasure hunt (p. 15)Reasons why Parker just isn’t worth it

Campus in Africa (p. 6)Frishops W. Barker (p. 7)The Scribble uncovers: Prom 2010 (p. 8)

HYBRIDS

UPSIDES

BRITISH BOYS

MINI-TESTS

HAMBURGER JOINTS