25 Easy Ways to Have the Best Christmas Ever

8/9/2019 25 Easy Ways to Have the Best Christmas Ever

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25 Easy Ways to Have The Best Christmas Ever

Rejoice, it's finally Christmastime! And that means arties and anta and a ossi"ly

fatal dose of #family time$% Aro&nd the orld there are shoers o&t shoin( and

caramel corn that needs oin( and stoc)in(s "ein( h&n( "y chimneys ith care$

And hile its tr&e that nostal(ic traditions are a h&(e art of hat ma)es Christmas that

most ma(ical time of the year, hy not ma)e this the year yo& start some ne traditions

of yo&r on* Here are 25 ideas to hel yo& (et started on ma)in( this season the

"ri(htest +and most creative one yet$

-$ .irst thin(s first, "&y /ince 0&araldi1s ja classic al"&mA Charlie Brown

Christmasand &t it on reeat$ 3ever "efore has a cartoon so&ndtrac) "een so

classy and so erfect for so many different occasions$

2$ Bre & some joy "y ma)in( a festive #aroma ot% +oran(e, cinnamon, alecider, cloves early one at&rday mornin( and let it simmer on the stove all day

lon($ Then sit "ac) and let the 0host of Christmas 4elicio&s fill yo&r entire

home ith seasonal smells$

$ &rrise a nei(h"or, collea(&e or stran(er ith a freshly "a)ed treat$ B&t no

fr&itca)es, lease$

6$ 0o ahead and act&ally read Charles 4ic)ens1A Christmas Carolthis year$ 0o

"eyond the 7&ets +0od "less them and (et to )no this oft retold +"&t too

often atered don story of salvation$ And if yo&1re really "rave, try 4ic)ens1other seasonal classic, The Cricket on the Hearth$

5$ 8ncororate more candleli(ht into yo&r home and soa) & the chilled9o&t inter

am"iance$ Candles someho ma)e everythin( rettier$

:$ .ind a ay to smell some (ood old9fashioned oodsmo)e;a camo&t, "onfire,

firelace or even a metal trashcan f&ll of Home 4eot scras$ &t on some coy ho&se sliers and commit to a ne inter9friendly +in other

ords, indoor ho""y? )nittin(, ood carvin(, fin(er aintin( $$$ yo&1ll fi(&re ito&t$

@$ end a day vol&nteerin( at a homeless shelter and rediscover hat it really

means to "e than)f&l and (enero&s$

$ Tie a little cent Christmas "ell to yo&r )eychain or front door handle and let

the jin(lin( "e(in +as a "on&s, yo&1ll "e innin( "i( time ith all the an(els

hoin( for romotion this year$

-$ Try ma)in( homemade hot cocoami +and homemade Dmallos? then add hotmil), si, share and reeat$
http://static02.mediaite.com/geekosystem/uploads/2011/05/giant-sweater.jpghttp://allrecipes.com/howto/homemade-hot-chocolate/%E2%80%9Dhttp://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/alton-brown/homemade-marshmallows-recipe/index.html%E2%80%9Dhttp://allrecipes.com/howto/homemade-hot-chocolate/%E2%80%9Dhttp://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/alton-brown/homemade-marshmallows-recipe/index.html%E2%80%9Dhttp://static02.mediaite.com/geekosystem/uploads/2011/05/giant-sweater.jpg


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--$ Create a flash mo" of (enerosity$ 7a)e some alvation Army "ell rin(er1s day

"y coordinatin( a (ro& to fill that little red "&c)et ith raid9fire ascendin(

donations? #here1s a &arter, 7erry Christmas!% #Here1s a dollar, 7erry

Christmas!% #Here1s a chec) for to h&ndred dollars, donated from o&r colle(e

Fltimate team, Hay 3e Gear!% Then dare that )indly "ell rin(er not to "e

filled ith (oodill toard men$

-2$ Ta)e a lon( al) o&t in the cold j&st to (et that (ood rosy chee)ed feelin($ Then

see n&m"er -$

-$ >lan a #Christmas Remi97as% themed talent sho (ame ni(ht ith friends or

family? feat&rin( charades and the resta(in( of "eloved Christmas movie scenes

+#0risold!%

-6$ avor >eermint9flavored everything$ Esecially those "ea&tif&lly fleetin(

li(ht9(reen ac)a(ed 7I7s$

-5$ Jearn to lay and then fall in love ith the rioto&s 4anish Christmas

(ame K>a))ele(K+thin) Dhite elehant1 at - mh$

-:$ 0o Christmas carolin($ 8n the ri(ht settin(, and ith the ri(ht ensem"le +and j&st

a dash of Christmas co&ra(e yo&r chor&s of festive voices can chan(e

someone's orld$

-=$ 7a)e s&re to (et o&tside and lay in the first sno of the season? no matter hat

time of day or ni(ht$ 4on1t for(et to catch a snofla)e or to on yo&r ton(&e

and%taste the hay$%

-@$ .ind somelace yo& can ta)e a carria(e ride, then j&st do it$ 8t1s not cheesy;it1s

Christmas$

-$ Try yo&r hand at #0&erilla 4ecoratin($% 8dentify somethin( "land, &(ly or

croo(e9ish in yo&r office, city or nei(h"orhood and (ive it theB&ddy the

Elf treatment? a little TJC, a smatterin( of (litter and a strand of tin)lin( hite

li(hts can save any old h&m"&(!

2$ Watch a fe non9traditional #Christmas movies% that foc&s on the "ea&ty of

redemtion$ L"vio&sly start ith The Royal Tenen"a&ms$

2-$ Attend a Christmas concert at a local school, ch&rch or comm&nity center$ B&t

only if they romise to lay the hand"ells+call ahead and as) a"o&t this$ Tr&st
https://www.facebook.com/expatindenmark/posts/436006603119048http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E-DUccGlgXA%E2%80%9Dhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E-DUccGlgXA%E2%80%9Dhttp://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lw6a6aMeBe1qire14o1_500.gif%E2%80%9Dhttp://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lw6a6aMeBe1qire14o1_500.gif%E2%80%9Dhttp://3.bp.blogspot.com/--UpNflZrDEI/TtaTejytTgI/AAAAAAAAAPU/gXonvkkssdg/s1600/cmas10.jpg%E2%80%9Dhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HaMfV72q40U%E2%80%9Dhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HaMfV72q40U%E2%80%9Dhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rvSHKS9quEk%E2%80%9Dhttps://www.facebook.com/expatindenmark/posts/436006603119048http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E-DUccGlgXA%E2%80%9Dhttp://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lw6a6aMeBe1qire14o1_500.gif%E2%80%9Dhttp://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lw6a6aMeBe1qire14o1_500.gif%E2%80%9Dhttp://3.bp.blogspot.com/--UpNflZrDEI/TtaTejytTgI/AAAAAAAAAPU/gXonvkkssdg/s1600/cmas10.jpg%E2%80%9Dhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HaMfV72q40U%E2%80%9Dhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rvSHKS9quEk%E2%80%9D


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me, there is nothin( orse than sittin( thro&(h to ho&rs of amate&r choral

m&sic and then (ettin( no hand"ells$ The only rescrition is more hand"ells!$

22$ Read The Night Before Christmasalo&d to a child +"&t "e reared for him or

her to as) yo& #the "i( &estion% a"o&t .ather Christmas$

2$ .o&r ords? freshly roasted candied almonds$

26$ Res&rrect anta for 7om and 4ad$ &rrise yo&r arents "y doin( for them

hat they did for yo& all those incredi"le years? ma)e Christmas mornin(

ma(ical$ 0et & early, sread o&t (ifts, li(ht the fire, "re some coffee and han(

those stoc)in(s "y the chimney ith care! This is a (&aranteed memory9ma)er$

25$ Jastly +and this is "orderin( on heretical, try "&yin( no resents this year$ 8(&arantee yo& that the eole yo& love the most ill treas&re &ality time,

homemade (ifts and the memories made m&ch more than anythin( yo& can (et

from Amaon >rime$ >l&s, this ay, yo& can avoid that hole #The 4rone Who

tole Christmas% scenario, and relace seasonal materialism ith somethin( a

little closer to the Tr&e 7eanin( of Christmas$


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Go& (et invited to that &(ly seater Christmas arty yo& really o&ld rather not (o to,

"&t since yo&r mall 0ro& leader is hostin(, yo& o"li(e and hoe there is at least (ood

food and yo& (et a decent hite elehant (ift Mis there s&ch a thin(*N$ Go& (et

"om"arded ith tet messa(es from that friend that j&st can1t (et her life to(ether and

try to resond ith enco&ra(ement and love, tho&(h yo& roll yo&r eyes and onder hy

yo& ever (ave her yo&r n&m"er in the first lace and if yo&1ll (et any slee toni(ht$ Go&

have that friend that loaned yo& that "oo) he a"sol&tely loved, yet yo& can1t (et ast the

first chater "eca&se yo& find it incredi"ly "orin($ Get hen he as)s yo& a"o&t it yo&

tell him, #Lh! 8 love it!%

Why do e do this* Beca&se for many of &s, e have ron(ly "elieved that "ein(

#nice% is a)in to "ein( #(odly$% We don1t ant to r&ffle feathers, e don1t ant to "end

the r&les, e don1t ant to sea) honestly and e don1t ant to say no$ Why do e do

this to o&rselves* Beca&se e1re too nice, hidin( &nder the (&ise of o&r faith and

erformin( d&ties that s&c) the life o&t of &s all "eca&se e someho thin) this is ho0od o&ld ant &s to live$

Get "y eaminin( the life of


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7any of &s cannot say no to eole henever they resent an idea different from hat

e thin), even if it is a dee conviction 0od laid on o&r heart$ &t Aay Go&r >hone

>&t aay the smarthone, the lato and the i>od$ There is nothin( orse than tryin( total) to a erson ho is distracted "y a screen$ 8f yo& ant to really hear hat the other
http://mashable.com/2012/04/25/social-networks-study/%E2%80%9Dhttp://mashable.com/2012/04/25/social-networks-study/%E2%80%9D


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erson is sayin(, yo& m&st eliminate the noise aro&nd yo&$ This allos yo& to foc&s on

the erson yo& are tal)in( to, shoin( them that yo& thin) they are imortant and, for

the time "ein(, the center of yo&r attention$

As) the ort of P&estions Go& Wish omeone Wo&ld As) Go&

Trade in &estions li)e, #4id yo& have a (ood day*% for #What s&rrised yo& today*% or

#What as the "est moment of yo&r day*% Try to form &estions aro&nd the other

erson1s interests and eeriences;eole are more li)ely to tal) a"o&t hat is

imortant to them than hat is imortant to yo&$ And don1t "e afraid of (ettin( ersonal

"y as)in( &estions s&ch as #Ho do yo& feel a"o&t that*% and #Ho has that affected

yo&*% >ointed &estions a"o&t their tho&(hts and feelin(s ill deeen the conversation

and sho them that yo& have a real interest in ho they are, not j&st hat they do$

Jisten With >&rose

8t1s not (ood eno&(h to t&rn on yo&r ears hen yo& are tal)in( ith someone;yo&

have to t&rn on yo&r "rain$ 8f their face "ri(htens and they smile, they are interested in

the toic they are disc&ssin($ Ftilie their enth&siasm "y as)in( follo9& &estions on

that s&"ject$ 8f they loo) don or fron, yo& are ro"a"ly treadin( on inaroriate

territory$ Be aare of yo&r on "ody lan(&a(e as ell$ Jeanin( forard shos that yo&

are interested in hat is "ein( said$ Jeanin( "ac) shos that yo& are eval&atin( hat is

"ein( said$

Also, )ee this in mind? it is aroriate for the sea)er to loo) aay hile tal)in(, "&t

hen yo&, the listener, loo)s aay, it sends a s&"liminal si(nal that yo& don1t care a"o&that they are sayin($

/alidate and Restate

Co&nselors are trained to validate and restate the comments made "y their clients$ This

ractice hels the individ&al feel &nderstood and it also can revent miscomm&nication$

Affirmative resonses s&ch as #8 love that, too!%, #8 totally o&ld have done the same

thin(% or #yeah, it ma)es sense that yo& o&ld feel that ay,% sho the sea)er that yo&

are meetin( them at their level$

Restatin( is the ractice of s&mmariin( hat the erson said in yo&r on ords$

Resondin( to someone ith, #o hat 81m hearin( yo& say $$$% shos that yo& ere

listenin( and confirms that yo& are see)in( to &nderstand the sea)er$ 8t also rovides

an oort&nity for clarification if yo& are conf&sed a"o&t hat they are sayin($

Lffer Go&r >ersonal Eerience

4on1t for(et that it ta)es to to interact$ Altho&(h yo& may "e the one initiatin( the

conversation, it is imortant to let the other individ&al )no a"o&t yo&$ They ill

areciate yo&r illin(ness to "e oen ith them$ As yo& are listenin(, thin) of any of

yo&r on tho&(hts or eeriences that may connect to the s&"ject at hand$ When there is


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a a&se in conversation, share a"o&t yo&rself;the other erson ants to )no yo&, too$

Go& may "e s&rrised a"o&t ho m&ch yo& discover a"o&t each other$ And that ill

res&lt in "oth of yo& feelin( far from lonely$

5 Thin(s 8 Wish 81d 4one Before 7arria(e

There1s no do&"t yo& need to have a certain de(ree of ersonal mat&rity in order to have

a healthy marria(e$

Even tho&(h yo& can1t "e totally #ready% for somethin( li)e marria(e +more on

that here, yo& sho&ld "e c&ltivatin( a healthy, "alanced, 0od9centered lifestyle in yo&r

sin(leness if yo& ant to do marria(e ell$ The decision to (et married is the second9

most imortant decision yo& can ma)e, and it arrants some very caref&l thin)in( and

lannin($

B&t this is the 2=9year9old version of me tal)in($

When 8 as a 229year9old (rad st&dent in Jo&isville, Oent&c)y, 8 as retty o"sessed

ith the idea of marria(e, and 8 anted to ma)e it haen sooner rather than later$ 8

didn1t send too m&ch time onderin( a"o&t ho to c&ltivate mat&rity in my

sin(leness$

When a (or(eo&s, half98talian, seet9nat&red (irl named 7andy came into my life, 8 felt

li)e 8 didn1t have any reason to$ 8 as hoelessly in love ith a (odly oman 8 )ne

o&ld ma)e for an incredi"le marria(e$ Heedin( Beyonce1s call, 8 &t a rin( on it retty

&ic)ly$

That as almost fo&r years a(o, and than)f&lly it has or)ed o&t retty ell$ L&r

marria(e has "een nothin( short of incredi"le, and 8 o&ldn1t trade it for anythin($

To "e honest, tho&(h, every once in a hile, 8 onder if 8 (ot married too yo&n($ 3ot

that 8 re(ret it at all, "&t 8 onder if 8 co&ld have "een a "etter man for her if 8 had sent

more time as a sin(le man develoin( mat&rity$ 8 thin) a"o&t some of the &s and

dons e1ve had, and 8 onder if some of that co&ld have "een avoided$

o, here are a fe thin(s 8 ish 8 co&ld have done +or done "etter "efore (ettin(

married$

-$ Jearned Ho to 7ana(e my Time

Lne f&nny thin( a"o&t time mana(ement is yo& have to send a lot of time learnin(

ho to do it ell$ 81m a classic head9in9the9clo&ds ri(ht9"rainer, and 8 as all over the

lace in colle(e$ 8 (ot married a little more than -@ months o&t of colle(e, hich meant

that 7andy had to deal ith a lot of my ad&lthood (roin( ains at the "e(innin( of o&r

marria(e$

8 definitely didn1t +and still don1t have my time mana(ement here it sho&ld "e, and 8ro"a"ly co&ld have ta)en more time to c&ltivate my sched&lin( ha"its "efore ta)in( on
http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/relationships/you%E2%80%99re-never-really-ready-marriagehttp://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/relationships/you%E2%80%99re-never-really-ready-marriage


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the resonsi"ilities of h&s"andhood$ 8t simly ta)es a hile to fi(&re o&t yo&r ersonal

limits, yo&r ersonal rhythm, hen yo& need to rest, and so forth$

2$ Jearned Ho to Handle 7oney

8 as only a fe months o&t of colle(e hen 8 fell in love ith 7andy, and li)e mostcolle(e )ids, 8 asn1t a seasoned ro at handlin( money$ 8 asn1t the orst ith money,

"&t 8 asn1t the "est, either$ 81m fairly certain that if 8 had sent more sin(le years

"&d(etin(, learnin( ho m&ch 8 sho&ld send on hat, fi(&rin( o&t ho to save "etter

and live ithin my means, 8 o&ld have "een "etter reared to serve my ife

financially at the "e(innin( of o&r marria(e$

$ elflessly erved Lthers

8 can "e a retty selfish erson sometimes$ 8t1s tr&e, and it1s an area of my life 81m

or)in( really hard to chan(e$ 8 tyically ma)e decisions and (o a"o&t relationshis"ased on hether they f&lfill my comfort and my a(enda$

By 0od1s (race, 81m not as selfish as 8 &sed to "e, "&t hen 8 as 2, 8 entered into

marria(e ith a lot of selfish eectations$ 8 eected my ife to &nderstand me and

serve me itho&t alays ta)in( initiative to do the same for her$ 8 lived for my on

leas&res and comforts and, in a lot of ays, "&ilt o&r marria(e aro&nd them$

8 ish 8 had learned "efore marria(e ho to "ecome a servant in the contet of o&r local

ch&rch, amon( other aven&es$ When >a&l tal)s a"o&t the "enefits of "ein( sin(le in -

Corinthians =?=, he1s sayin( eole sho&ld "e ta)in( advanta(e of their freedom insin(leness to serve others$ 8 ish 8 had ta)en more time to learn ho to deny myself and

serve others instead of &ic)ly "ecomin( married and &llin( another erson into my

self9a"sor"ed orld$

6$ Jearned Ho to Adj&st to >eole

8 ent to a colle(e filled ith s&er9hi(h achievers ho did thin(s li)e han( o&t at

4enny1s at 2 a$m$ to tal) Oantian hilosohy and start "&sinesses on the side and set &

cam&s seminars to lament the c&rrent state of American evan(elicalism$

8 loved it, "eca&se that1s my ersonality, "&t it too) me a hile comin( o&t of colle(e torealie that not everyone is li)e that$ >eole have different interests and ersonalities,

and yo& have to adj&st$

Ji)e so many other thin(s, learnin( ho to adj&st to different ersonalities ta)es time$

7y ife and 8 are olar oosites, and hile 81m re(&larly reminded that she1s smarter

than 8 am, she isn1t the tye of oman to ant to stay & late tal)in( a"o&t intense

iss&es hile earin( her heart on her sleeve +li)e me$ he1s a left9"rainer, 81m a ri(ht9

"rainer$ he1s &iet, 81m tal)ative$ he enjoys different thin(s than 8 do$

8 ish 8 had sent more time eeriencin( different eole1s ersonalities hile sin(leso 8 co&ld have "etter adj&sted to my ife1s ersonality and served her "etter$


9/33

5$ Cherished my in(leness

8n a lot of ays, 8 had a retty s)eed &nderstandin( of marria(e and sin(leness hen 8

(ot married$ 8 )ind of idolied marria(e and demonied sin(leness$ This started ay

"ac) in colle(e, hen 8 (ot into a relationshi ith a (irl 8 really anted to marry$ When

she "ro)e & ith me, 8 too) it really hard, hich shoed ho o&t9of9hac) 8 as$

8t didn1t ta)e me lon( to &rs&e another (irl, then another one and so on$ 8 as retty

insec&re$ 8 tho&(ht that "ein( married meant yo& had arrived and "ein( sin(le meant

yo& ere less of a erson$ 3o 8 )no that 8 as comletely ron($

8 ish 81d sent my early tenties learnin( to cherish sin(leness as an oort&nity to

(lorify 0od, not "elittle it$ >erhas 8 co&ld have sent more years in my early and mid9

tenties enjoyin( sin(leness and all it has to offer$

Havin( said all this, 8 love my ife, 7andy, ith all of my heart, and 81m comletely(ratef&l for her$ Even tho&(h 8 definitely co&ld have &sed my sin(leness "etter and "een

a "etter man for her "y the time e had o&r eddin( day, 8 don1t re(ret the ay thin(s

have or)ed o&t$ 7arria(e has "een incredi"le$

And the tho&(ht that it can "e made even "etter "y doin( sin(leness ell is a (reat one$

Ho We Are Rema)in( 0od in L&r 8ma(e

am ashamed to admit this, "&t the 3ativity scene c&rrently sittin( in o&r home is a"o&t

as olitically incorrect as it (ets$ 8 &rchased the set after 8 searched hi(h and lo for

one that my son co&ld lay ith$ He is only a year old, so 8 anted one that as child

friendly and "asically indestr&cti"le$ Jast month 8 finally fo&nd one that matched those

criteria$

L&r 3ativity scene is act&ally &ite c&te, "&t it1s "raenly inacc&rate from a historical

oint of vie$ .or instance, almost everyone in the scene is hite, ecet for one

African ise man$ 8nelica"ly, the an(el is a redheaded oman ith tiny >rincess Jeia

"&ns$ All the other fi(&rines are "ald, ecet for the /ir(in 7ary, ho is "londe$

Blonde$

To "e honest, 8 didn1t (ive m&ch tho&(ht to 7ary1s "londeness &ntil last ee)$ When.o 3es reorter 7e(yn Oelly infamo&sly declaredthat alestinians, ith "lac) hair and dar) feat&res$ We

don1t )no hat


10/33

The f&ry over Oelly1s statement is &nderstanda"le$ 3ot only as she j&st lain ron(,

"&t her error hit a very tender nerve$ .or m&ch of history, hite Americans eret&ated

a certain historical narrative that ealted themselves as s&eriors, even saviors$ Oelly1s

version of


11/33

7e(yn Oelly as ron(,


12/33

8n more etreme cases, individ&als ho have "een dia(nosed ith narcissistic

ersonality disorder are arro(ant, lac) emathy, self9centered, tend to eloit others and

can "e a((ressive$

Lne doesn1t have to loo) far to see evidence of hat loo)s li)e narcissism in this

(eneration$ A reonderance of selfies on 8nsta(ram and vlo(s on Go&T&"e seem to

indicate self9o"session$ B&t is #narcissistic% really a fittin( la"el for 7illennials* There

is some evidence that s&((ests it is, "&t erhas not eno&(h$

7&ch of the #narcissist% la"el often affied to 7illennials stems from the research of

4r$ ersonality 8nventory +3>8 and lar(e9

scale meta9analysis of s&rvey data to meas&re levels of narcissism$

Her concl&sions* 7illennials sho a shar and si(nificant rise in narcissistic traits incomarison to revio&s yo&n(9ad&lt (enerations$

8n his Timecover story,


13/33

,THS S"!F$ABSOR-TON AN( .NARCSSSM/# F &OU 0!!/ S RATH"R

HUMAN AS O--OS"( TO %"N"RATONA!12 3(A4( 5NNAMAN

Hoe, ho alon( ith the late William tra&ss first coined the term #7illennials% to

descri"e this (eneration, oints to a m&ltit&de of st&dies that sho a comlete

contradiction to hat Ten(e redicts, incl&din( a =5 ercent decline in violent crimes

since the mid91s, a drastic red&ction in ris)9ta)in( amon( yo&th, and several other

research concl&sions that reveal 7illennials to "e connected in relationshis and

involved in their comm&nities$

4esite some of the "ad nes trends fre&ently cited in articles "emoanin( 7illennials1

erceived (enerational flas, the tr&th is that alon(side some of the ne(ative trends, the

7illennial (eneration also contin&es to "e distin(&ished "y others9foc&sed &alities that

are anythin( "&t narcissistic$

Connected ith Comm&nity

7illennials are, far and aay, the most technolo(ically connected (eneration in o&r

history$ The 2- 7illennial 8mact Reort, a st&dy foc&sed on 7illennial involvement

ith nonrofits, fo&nd that @ ercent of resondents had a smarthone$ >e Research

Center has fo&nd that a"o&t ei(ht in - 7illennials reort sleein( ith their cell hone

easily accessi"le, and ercent of today1s teens have a .ace"oo) acco&nt$

B&t is there somethin( deeer "ehind this erceived addiction to tetin(, .ace"oo)in(,

/ine9in( and 8nsta(rammin(*

8n his "oo)H+rt 617, hich elores today1s teena(ers, 4r$ Cha Clar) o"serves that the

&nderlyin( force "ehind social netor)in( is the drive for comm&nity$ The hi(h level of

involvement of yo&n( eole in social netor)in( #mi(ht aear to ad&lts to "e an

eression of adolescent narcissism, "&t $$$ that is hardly the case,% Clar) says, notin(

that online eression #is the c&rrency of intimacy% for many yo&n( eole today$

#At the heart of today1s ne technolo(y, social netor)s, hich 7illennials &se so ell,

is the a"ility to stay connected ith a ide variety of friends, creatin( comm&nities far

lar(er and more diverse than those of revio&s (enerations,% conc&r 7orley Wino(rad

and 7ichael 4$ Hais in their "oo),Millennial Moment+m$ Hoe also notes that "ein(#team9oriented% is one of 7illennials1 &ni&e (enerational traits$

Tho&(h certainly, forms of #loo)9at9me!% e(ocentrism a"o&nd online, there1s also a

deeer relational val&e roellin( 7illennial connectivity? 7illennials rioritie

friendshis and val&e connectin( ith their tri"e$ 4esite a nationide trend across all

a(es toard feelin(s of loneliness and isolation, the Barna 0ro& fo&nd 7illennials lead

the ay, a"ove other demo(rahic (ro&s, in actively fosterin( ne friendshis$ o the

claim that 7illennials are narcissists ho are isolated and &na"le to form attachments,

Hoe ar(&es, #j&st flies in the face of everythin( e see a"o&t 7illennials$ 8solated*

Are yo& )iddin(*!


14/33

#When Boomers and ers ran the 8nternet, it as all a"o&t individ&ation,% he o"serves$

#Boomers invented the ersonal com&ter;and it as called ersonal for a reason$ 8t

as a ay of sayin(, D8t1s mine, not yo&rs$ 8 can "e creative on my on$1 B&t

7illennials have "een movin( information technolo(y "ac) toard the (ro&$%

Resondin( to 3eed

#There1s a very (lo"ally minded sensi"ility aro&nd this (eneration and an orientation

toard social j&stice and overty that "elies the ecl&sively narcissistic descrition of

the 7illennial (eneration,% Oinnaman o"serves$

Citin( the Barna 0ro&1s findin( that = ercent of 7illennials say they care deely

a"o&t social j&stice, Oinnaman contin&es, #When it comes to iss&es of overty and

concern a"o&t the oor overseas, 7illennials are m&ch more concerned a"o&t these

iss&es than older ad&lts or even older Christians$%

This concern is evidenced in a nota"le rise in vol&nteerin( amon( 7illennials in

comarison to revio&s (enerations$ The 2-2 7illennial 8mact Reort fo&nd :

ercent of 7illennials reort vol&nteerin( for a nonrofit at some oint d&rin( the year,

and 6- ercent lan to increase their vol&nteer efforts in the f&t&re$

ho&lderin( the "&rdens of record &nemloyment and heavy loads of ersonal and

national de"t, 7illennials are in some senses the #creed 0eneration% as


15/33

relationshis or the clashin( (eneration (a "eteen yo&n(9ad&lt Boomers and their

arents d&rin( the 1:s and 1=s, 7illennials tend to lace a hi(h val&e on fosterin( an

on(oin(, close connection ith their arents and family of ori(in$

While arentchild conflict is an inevita"le art of (roin( &;artic&larly d&rin(

adolescence and yo&n( ad&lthood;7illennials and their arents tend to have less

conflict than other (enerations had ith their arents$ Accordin( to >e Research

Center1s st&dy, #7illennials? A >ortrait of 0eneration 3et,% 5: ercent of arents of

teen and yo&n(9ad&lt 7illennials reort they hardly ever or never have major

disa(reements ith their children, hile only one in - of these arents say they often

have h&(e conflicts ith their 7illennial children$

,TH"R"#S A 4"R& %!OBA!!& MN("( S"NSB!T& AROUN( THS

%"N"RATON AN( AN OR"NTATON TO0AR( SOCA! 8USTC"12 3(A4(

5NNAMAN

#.irst9ave 7illennials ho have Boomer arents (et alon( "etter ith their arents at

that a(e than any earlier (ro& of yo&n( ad&lts e have seen since World War 88,% Hoe

says$

And 7illennials1 commitment to their family isn1t a short9term livin( arran(ement$ >e

fo&nd : ercent of 7illennials "elieve it ill "e their resonsi"ility to care for their

elderly arents in the f&t&re "y lettin( them live ith them, o&tacin( Ba"y Boomers, of

hom j&st 55 ercent affirmed a similar sense of o"li(ation$

And a"o&t that "oomeran(in(* Oinnaman calls the rise of &nmarried, childless,financially str&((lin( tentysomethin(s #Lne of the most si(nificant social chan(es in

this cent&ry$% 8n all the disc&ssion a"o&t yo&n( ad&lts still livin( at home, he says, #the

&nderlyin( story that often doesn1t (et told is that it1s economically m&ch more diffic&lt

for yo&n( eole to (et ahead today$%

Economic ress&re and diffic&lty findin( (ood emloyment are certainly contri"&tin(

factors to the reality that : ercent of 7illennials live at home ith their arents$ +This

n&m"er incl&des colle(e st&dents ho ret&rn home for the s&mmer$ 8n fact, 7illennial

(&ys o&tace their female co&nterarts in livin( ith their arents;a f&ll 6 ercent of

men a(ed -@ to - live at home$

When e add in the n&m"er of &nmarried 7illennials ho live ith other relatives

+s&ch as roomin( ith a si"lin(, >e fo&nd 6= ercent of 7illennials live ith their

family mem"ers$ While this increasin(ly common livin( arran(ement is ca&sed in art

"y the financial diffic&lties faced "y many 7illennials, it also certainly oints to hat

Hoe calls the #enormo&s revival of family closeness;even the etended family;

that1s (oin( on today$%

4esite the evolvin( vies on hat family and marria(e mi(ht loo) li)e em"raced "y

today1s yo&n(er (eneration, accordin( to >e, 7illennials say they rioritie "ein( a


16/33

(ood arent, havin( a s&ccessf&l marria(e and helin( others in need a"ove other (oals

s&ch as onin( a home, ma)in( lots of money or havin( lots of free time$

4efyin( the 8ndictment

As ith any "road (eneraliation, (enerational trends do not define individ&als$ Thereare certainly 7illennials that tyify some findin(s hile defyin( others$

#The &nderlyin( reality is that there are tri"es of yo&n( ad&lts,% Oinnaman says$ #Lf

co&rse it1s easy to find a (ro& of yo&n( ad&lts ho are sort of slac)ers and are Dastin(

their lives$1 B&t there are other (ro&s of yo&n( eole ho are &ite am"itio&s$ Go&

have these hi(h hi(hs and etreme los that eitomie hy there1s so m&ch disc&ssion

and de"ate$ 8t1s a tale of contrasts$%

o, &nderneath all the claims and acc&sations and ercenta(es, are 7illennials

narcissists* 8n the sense that all h&man "ein(s s&ffer from a tendency toarde(ocentrism +acc&rately dia(nosed "y the Bi"le as ervasive ride, yes, 7illennials

have an enlar(ed sense of self9imortance$ As do 0en9ers$ As do Ba"y Boomers$ And

so on$

7illennials certainly aren1t the first (eneration to "e erceived as e(ocentric$ Boomers

ere )non as the #7e 0eneration,% hile er an(st "ristled its on "rand of self9

centeredness$ 8n The Atlantic 0ire1s clever criti&e, #Every Every Every 0eneration

Has Been the 7e 7e 7e 0eneration,% Elseth Reeve oints to this trend, &otin( an

article from The Atlanticitself in -= that "emoans #the latter9day c&lt of

individ&alismQ the orshi of the "raen calf of the elf$%

Reeve also dras attention to sycholo(ical st&dies contradictin( the concl&sion that

7illennials have a hi(her rate of narcissism, &iin(, #Basically, it1s not that eole

"orn after -@ are narcissistsQ it1s that yo&n( eole are narcissists, and they (et over

themselves as they (et older$%

There may "e somethin( to the notion that seemin(ly narcissistic traits of 7illennials

fade o&t as 7illennials #(ro &,% so to sea)$ Tho&(h there are several s&rveys of

adolescent 7illennials indicatin( an alarmin( o"session ith fame, >e1s 7illennials

st&dy that s&rveyed ad&lts a(es -@ to 2 fo&nd a very different concl&sion, o"servin(,#8n site of the fact that they have come of a(e in the era of Go&T&"e and reality T/,

very fe 7illennials consider "ecomin( famo&s an imortant life (oal$%

While o"vio&s trends and si(ns of e(ocentrism certainly eave thro&(ho&t 7illennial

life, this same reocc&ation ith self is j&st as easily o"serva"le in the ider c&lt&re,

across all a(es and sta(es of life$ We live in a society that1s still orshiin( at #the

"raen calf of the elf,% and 7illennial "ehaviors and attit&des serve as a revealin(

reflection of that "roader e(ocentric c&lt&re$


17/33

Get in the contet of this c&lt&re enamored ith the self, 7illennials contin&e to ma)e

their distinct mar) thro&(h their others9foc&sed commitment to rioritiin( comm&nity,

en(a(in( to hel those in need and fosterin( an on(oin( connection ith their families$

5 Fncomforta"le 8ss&es The Ch&rch 3eeds to tart Tal)in( A"o&t

8t has "een said that the Ch&rch is not a m&se&m of saints, "&t a hosital for sinners$

Get, most of &s o&ld m&ch rather retend to "e a saint on dislay than call for an

am"&lance$

Wee) after ee), many of &s al) into a ch&rch, sit "y eole e have )non for years

and yet o&ld never dream of sharin( o&r innermost str&((les ith$ While a lar(e art

of this is o&r ride, another factor is a Ch&rch that seems &nillin( to tal) a"o&t certain

&ncomforta"le iss&es, choosin( rather to i(nore them, try to cover them & or simly

reject eole ho "rin( them &$

There are many iss&es the Ch&rch as a hole needs to address, s&ch as creationism,

activism, environmental steardshi and many others$ B&t there are many more iss&es

that individ&als in the Ch&rch are dealin( ith;iss&es that the Ch&rch Body sho&ld "e

tal)in( a"o&t$ 8n 0alatians :?2, >a&l &r(ed the Ch&rch to KBear each other's "&rdens,K so

may"e ith more (race and love e can t&rn on the li(ht in the dar)ened rooms of each

other1s hearts and let o&r ch&rches "ecome safe havens for the &ncomforta"le thin(s e

have to deal ith$

7any of these iss&es need to "e dealt ith rofessionally first$ B&t that sho&ld not "e

the end of it$ Research shosj&st listenin( to someone and shoin( them yo&(en&inely care for their sit&ation can "e a h&(e art of that erson's healin( rocess$

This is far from a comrehensive list;these are a fe of the iss&es many eole in

ch&rches aro&nd the orld are dealin( ith, hether they admit it or not$ And as eole

increasin(ly leave the Ch&rch, often over iss&es s&ch as these, it is "ecomin( more

&r(ent that the Ch&rch tal) a"o&t ho to care for every one of its mem"ers$

Addiction

At AA meetin(s and theray sessions, tal)in( a"o&t addiction ma)es sense, "&t for some

reason, it's not a toic most ch&rch eole ant to hear a"o&t$ Certain addictions are

definitely more socially acceta"le to tal) a"o&t than others$ .or eamle, it's LO to

"&( .ran) a"o&t his smo)in(, "&t


18/33

e&ality

e and se&ality tends to "e a loaded toic in the Ch&rch$ Certain corners of the

Ch&rch have "een very vocal in their "road condemnation of remarital se, "&t that's

here the conversation +for lac) of a "etter ord tends to sto$ We rarely en(a(e the

toic of se on a ersonal, individ&al level$ There's a (enerally acceted idea floatin(

aro&nd that, once to eole are married, they enter into a carefree, "lissf&l lifetime of

se&al f&lfillment that needs never "e disc&ssed in any meanin(f&l ay$

There are stron( "elievers str&((lin( ith their se&al identity, "ro)enness and

fr&stration in ch&rches across the orld, and amon( their Christian friends and families,

they don't dare say a ord a"o&t it$

8 )no of a fe eole in my life ho love Christ and ant to a"stain from sin, "&t they

are str&((lin( ith se&al sin or sinf&l desires$ There are married co&les for hom

aitin( to have se t&rned o&t to "e the easy art, as "oth arties "ro&(ht into theirmarria(e a series of eectations that t&rned o&t to "e flaed$ There are very fe eole

they can share this ith, "&t that also means they carry this "&rden alone$ 8f many

ch&rches stoed treatin( se&al iss&es as a ersonal choice, here it co&ld "e t&rned on

or off li)e a li(ht9sitch, then may"e e co&ld start to create more safe laces here

eole can share their "&rdens ith each other and find o&t they're not alone$

incere 4o&"t

8n many ch&rches today, there are Christians, even astors, ho are str&((lin( ith

do&"t$ They have a"sor"ed all the recommended aolo(etics$ They havecried o&t inrayer$ They are str&((lin( to "elieve that 0od is (ood or that He1s there at all, yet they

contin&e ith the motions$ They &t on the smile hile settin( & the coffee ta"le$ They

mo&th alon( to the ords in the orshi son(s, "&t it all feels hollo to them$ 8 )no

this "eca&se 81ve "een one of these eole$

Lne of the most vital ays the Ch&rch can handle do&"t is to sto actin( li)e everythin(

a"o&t faith is o"vio&s$ The Ch&rch can reco(nie that e all have do&"ts from time to

time, "&t e clin( to a hoe that's "eyond rational elanation$ Ch&rches can also sto

tryin( to hide the hard arts of the Bi"le &nder the r&( or donlay the si(nificance

these ethically &estiona"le arts lay in a erson's do&"t$

7ental 8llness

Those in o&r midst ho deal ith mental illness, either ersonally or second9hand, are

tyically silent a"o&t the str&((les they eerience$ 8n o&r society, there still eist a lot

of stereotyes a"o&t mental illness, and "eca&se eole either don't ant to deal ith it

or they've "een h&rt, they ill choose to avoid oenin( & a"o&t it$ The ro"lem is, if

these iss&es (o &ntal)ed a"o&t, then they often ill (o &nresolved$

8n some ch&rches, eole ho do reveal their illness ill (o itho&t rofessional helin lie& of rayer$ When rayer doesn't or), the erson dealin( ith mental illness feels


19/33

li)e a fail&re or li)e they don1t have eno&(h faith$ The Ch&rch needs to create an

enco&ra(in( environment here eole can "e directed to ri(ht hel and then receive

sirit&al healin( alon(side their hysical healin($

Joneliness

There are droves of lonely eole in the ch&rch, and that incl&des senior astors and

riests$ The isolation comes from a lac) of identification and identification comes

thro&(h oen comm&nication$ When e can "e v&lnera"le and honest ith one another,

e &nderstand each other in a rofo&nd ay$

A lonely erson may al) in to a ch&rch alone and leave alone each &nday$ Altho&(h

they areciate the free coffee and don&ts the felloshi hall offers, hat they really

ant is felloshi$ Ta)in( time to (et to )no the eole aro&nd yo& and then reachin(

o&t to them o&tside of the ch&rch ill allo for a (reater, more sta"le comm&nity$

Lf co&rse, every ch&rch is different and hile one ch&rch may "e stron(er in one area, it

may "e ea)er in others$ These are j&st a fe iss&es that e as the Ch&rch Body need to

"e illin( to address$ And as e tal) a"o&t them, e m&st remem"er to address them

ith h&mility, &nderstandin( and (race, )eein( in mind o&r role as fello hosital

atients, not m&se&m c&rators$

/ir(in Territory

HO0 TH" N"0 ABSTN"NC" MO4"M"NT S TR&N% TO R"SHA-" OUR 4"0S

ON S"'

Emily 7aynard remem"ers the constr&ction9aer ill&strations and si(ned led(e cards,

the rin(s ith the hands holdin( the heart and the loc)9and9)ey nec)laces$

he remem"ers the after9ch&rch conversations ith friends at -6 or -5 years old, "arely

teens, holly in love ith


20/33

yo&th retreat or cam )ind of messa(es to the Ddon1t )iss "efore marria(e1 messa(es$ 8

(re & j&st s&rro&nded "y all those Tr&e Jove Waits ideas $$$ and there as definitely

this idea that once yo& started )issin( someone, yo& o&ldn1t "e a"le to sto;a very

sliery9sloe se&ality, to the oint that even feelin(s for someone or cr&shes ere

disco&ra(ed, very oi(nantly$%

8f the (oal as to (et her thro&(h hi(h school itho&t havin( se, ell then, those

messa(es ere s&ccessf&l, she says$ B&t, at 2@, the >ortland native is &estionin(

hether a"stinence sho&ld "e the Ch&rch1s sin(le9minded (oal for its sin(le mem"ers$

And she1s not the only one$

#4ama(ed 0oods%

This year started ith a declaration from arah Bessey? #8 am not dama(ed (oods,%

hich led to hat the Canadian "lo((er and a&thor of8es+s Feministcalled a #siral of

conversations that have s&n off% a"o&t vir(inity and &rity in every corner of theChristian "lo(oshere$

#8t as a conversation that needed to haen, and if 8 had some small art in that, 81m

than)f&l,% Bessey says$

B&t she asn1t thin)in( of that hen she rote that "lo( ost, she says$ he as

thin)in( of the reacher ho had indirectly comared her teena(e self to a (lass of

ater every )id in the room had sit into$ he as thin)in( of the messa(es a"o&t "ein(

#dama(ed (oods%;hich imlied that if tr&e love aits, she never o&ld eerience it

;and the sense of shame she too) from them$ he as thin)in( of a c&lt&re that tiesval&e and orth;esecially for omen;to vir(inity, that j&d(es a sin(le erson1s

relationshi ith Christ on a sin(le chec)"o? Have yo& had se*

he as thin)in( of the @ ercent of &nmarried evan(elical Christians "eteen the

a(es of -@ and 2 ho o&ld chec) that "o to the affirmative, accordin( to a 2

st&dy "y the 3ational Camai(n to >revent Teen and Fnlanned >re(nancy$

And she as thin)in( of the messa(e a"o&t the (race and holeness of 0od she ished

she o&ld have heard as a teena(er ho lost her vir(inity #far too soon$% That if, as it

says in Romans @?@, neither death, nor life, nor an(els, nor rincialities, nor thin(sresent, nor thin(s to come, nor oers, nor hei(ht, nor deth, nor any other created

thin( co&ld searate her from the love of 0od, then neither co&ld se$

#8 )ne 8 as in the majority, "&t "eca&se of shamin( and silencin(, e are often made

to feel li)e e are the minority;the shamef&l minority,% Bessey says$ #8 anted to )ic)

"ac) a(ainst the c&lt&re that says o&r orth and o&r val&e are tied & in o&r se&ality,

hen 8 "elieve o&r orth and o&r val&e are fo&nd in Christ$

#8 am not dama(ed (oods$%

Tr&e Jove1s Wei(ht


21/33

Bessey1s voice as one amon( many$ Lne "lo((er decried the #idoliin( and fetishiin(

of vir(inity$% Another rote a"o&t the (ood lessons she had ta)en aay from a"stinence

ed&cation$ And in 7ay, The Atlantic&"lished a s&mmary of the ar(&ments in a iece

titled #Why ome Evan(elicals Are Tryin( to to L"sessin( Lver >remarital e$%

Each ost (arnered a ealth of comments from "oth roonents and critics of

a"stinence ed&cation$ To 7att Alin(, a astor, art teacher, "lo((er and a&thor of!ife

After Art, ho lives in Oansas City, 7o$, to #sides% emer(ed in those online

conversations, each seemin( to di( in its heels$

8t seemed some eole ho had remained;or lanned to remain;vir(ins &ntil they

ere married still anted #to j&stify themselves "y that one thin(? the fact that they did

not have se,% Alin( says$ And some ho didn1t anted to j&stify themselves, too, in

some cases imlyin( se "efore marria(e has no conse&ences and vir(inity does not

really matter, he says$

B&t most of the Christian voices en(a(in( on the iss&e of &rity c&lt&re made it clear

that it1s the ay the messa(e is ac)a(ed, not the messa(e itself, that oses the ro"lem$

#As far as hat 8 "elieve a"o&t remarital se, 8 thin) it needs to "e a conversation

searate from o&r orth and o&r val&e,% Bessey says$ #There are some real

conversations a"o&t se to "e had, a"sol&tely$ 8t1s not everythin(, "&t it1s not nothin(

either$%

.or her art, Emily Wieren(a, an artist, a&thor and "lo((er ho lives in Al"erta,

Canada, says she thin)s vir(inity is a (ift;one that sho&ld "e (iven in marria(e to theone ho earns o&r heart, ho romises to love &s thro&(h thic) and thin$

Wieren(a says the &nfoldin( conversations oened her heart and mind to the h&rts and

tho&(hts of others and to the #"ea&tif&l colors of the )aleidoscoe that ma)e &

Christianity$% They also (rieved her, "oth for the dama(e done "y the Ch&rch, hoever

ell9intentioned, and "y a society that has lost the fear of 0od and the sacredness of

se$

e is holy "eca&se it1s not j&st a "iolo(ical action, "&t sirit&al, emotional and mental,

Wieren(a says$ 8t1s the #&nifyin( of so&ls,% and hen it1s mis&sed, hen #e randomlyjoin to vario&s eole and then "rea) aart, e lose a iece of o&rselves, every time$%

,0" AR" A!! BRO5"N/ A!! SNFU!1 FOR SOM" OF US/ S"' 0!! B" A -ART

OF THAT BRO5"NN"SS1 BUT OUR MARRA%"S AR" NOT (OOM"( F 0" HA4"

A!R"A(& HA( S"'12 3MATT A--!N%

Wieren(a joined the fl&rry of conversation ith an oen letter to herself at a(e -:, j&st

after a "rea)& ith the coolest (&y in school "eca&se she o&ldn1t #let him$% A letter

#to the last vir(ins standin($% That letter as #an attemt to (et real ith a society and a

Ch&rch that has lost its (ras on the holiness of se and made it into a astime to eithereloit or j&d(e,% she says$


22/33

Beca&se as m&ch as se is somethin( sacred, somethin( that sho&ld "e saved for

marria(e, the j&d(mental attit&de that &rity c&lt&re tends to foster shos ho ride can

"ecome dan(ero&s, sinf&l territory those ho don1t cross se&al "o&ndaries$

8n fact, Bessey says, a n&m"er of resonses she received to her declaration ere

messa(es from Christians ho had aited, ho #felt convicted of their ride and had to

reent to their friends;and in some cases, their on h&s"ands and ives;for shamin(

and silencin( them, for thin)in( they ere #dama(ed (oods% "eca&se of choices from

lon( a(o and then treatin( them that ay, in some cases for years$

#8 as tr&ly "lessed "y those emails "eca&se 8 thin) that s&eriority in relationshis, that

>harisaical attit&de that rays, D8 than) yo&, Jord, that 8 am not li)e those eole1 is so

dama(in( in o&r comm&nities, let alone in o&r marria(es,% she says$

Beyond A"stinence

Another dan(er 7aynard oints o&t in the ay the Ch&rch has resented its messa(e is

detachment;a tendency to simly follo the r&les$

#8t1s easy to thin), D81m totally fine$ 81m not havin( se$1 B&t simly not doin(

somethin( doesn1t "&ild health,% she says$

7aynard says she decided she didn1t ant to "e a vir(in anymore;or a non9vir(in, for

that matter$ he didn1t ant to "ase her identity on the &estion, as she &ts it, #Who &t

hat here*%

he had started to rethin) her eerience of &rity c&lt&re a"o&t a year a(o$ he as

readin( a "oo) in a "a)ery hen she had the s&dden realiation that she didn1t ant a

c&lt&re that tied omen1s val&e to their vir(inity or ainted men as #se9craed

monsters,% she says$ he didn1t ant a messa(e that left little sace to (rieve ith and

sit ith friends ho have "een se&ally assa&lted or a"&sed or that dissociated eole

from their feelin(s$

#Even if eole don1t have MremaritalN se, that1s not really the (oal e ant,% she

says$ #8 thin) the (oal of a healthy se&al ethic is to "e a"le to have healthy

relationshis ith 0od, self and others$ That1s hat e ant, and 8 don1t thin) the

vir(inity movement accomlishes that (oal$ 8 thin) it really detracts from it$%

8nstead, she says, she ants to foc&s on her relationshi ith Christ and on listenin( to

the Holy irit, not on folloin( r&les and chec)in( "oes$ And she thin)s the Ch&rch

o&ld do ell to loo) at the res&lts of its &rity messa(e? The majority of its yo&n(

eole are havin( remarital se$

Wieren(a ointed to some hoef&l n&m"ers from the F$$ Centers for 4isease Control

and >revention1s 3ational Center for Health tatistics that &t the n&m"er of -59 to 269

year9olds ho have not had se & to 2= ercent for men and 2 ercent for omen in

2@ from 22 ercent in 22$ till, nearly every"ody += ercent of men and @


23/33

ercent of omen "eteen the a(es of 25 and 66 has had se, accordin( to that st&dy

+hich didn1t secify marital stat&s$

Chan(in( the Conversation

Alin( says he o&ld do everythin( differently if he had his years as a vol&nteer yo&thastor to do over$ He as 2 years old, still in colle(e, and he )ne he as s&osed to

"e #savin( himself% for marria(e, "&t he co&ldn1t have told st&dents hy$

#8f 8 co&ld (o "ac), it1s not that 8 o&ld chan(e one or to thin(s a"o&t my aroach,%

he says$ #8 o&ld chan(e everythin( a"o&t hat 8 told those )ids a"o&t se$%

With the ersective of a nearly a decade of marria(e, he says, he o&ld tell them the

tr&th? #The fact that e have to tell )ids is that e are all dama(ed (oods, hether e

have se "efore marria(e or not$ #We are all "ro)en, all sinf&l$ .or some of &s, se ill

"e a art of that "ro)enness$ B&t o&r marria(es are not doomed if e have already hadse$ And they are not destined for (reatness j&st "eca&se e haven1t,% he says$

The idea that &rity is more than j&st an iss&e of hat eole do ith their "odies is a

sentiment echoed "y many$ Ben Tr&e"lood, director of st&dent ministry at JifeWay

Christian Reso&rces, the (ro& that created the Tr&e Jove Waits camai(n, says &rity

is an o"edience iss&e, one that #ill immediately searate Myo&n( eoleN from a se9

o"sessed c&lt&re and oen the door for the 0osel of roject to reflect that tr&th, the st&dent ministry director says$

#The ne Tr&e Jove >roject is not solely a"o&t a st&dent si(nin( a commitment card

roclaimin( that they ill "e a"stinent &ntil marria(e,% Tr&e"lood says$ #8t is a"o&t

learnin( and livin( in the for(iveness of


24/33

7aynard says she hoes that1s not j&st rela"elin( vir(inity #a healthy se&al ethic,% not

j&st #a ne cover for the same shame$%

The year since her come9to9


25/33

Oarin contin&es? #Circ&mstances sometimes ma)e eole do "ad thin(s$% he elains

that Hitler as an a(itator ho heled ferment a latent anti9emitism in 0ermany$ #B&t

0od didn1t do it Mthe Holoca&stN$ >eole did it$% Oarin1s melodio&s lova)ian accent

(ives no hint of a oman ho has eerienced one of h&man)ind1s orst (enocides$

8t ta)es a moment for her ords to sin) in$ They echo my Christian "elief in free ill?

L&r choice to do "ad or (ood$ he also tells me a"o&t Oarol Blanar, the Christian man

ho saved her life and ei(ht others;incl&din( her mother and father;"y hidin( them

for nine months in a floor of his aartment, across the street from the 0estao

head&arters$ #8 oe him so m&ch for (ivin( me a chance to live,% she says$

As the s&n dales o&r faces on the atio of Ja >iaa Ristorante 8taliano, 8 thin) that

may"e man is not as "ad as 8 tho&(ht$ After all, Oarin says that many eole d&rin( the

Holoca&st chose to ris) their lives to save eter 4aniels, ho has lived thro&(h =: years and a (enocide, ina little cafS at the to of the 7&se&m of Tolerance in Jos An(eles$ 4aniels tells me to

ima(ine? What if there ere a decree in America that for 26 ho&rs, yo& co&ld do

anythin( yo& anted;m&rder, ro""ery, rae;and not have any conse&ences* #What

do yo& thin) the increase of crime o&ld "e for that tenty9fo&r ho&rs*% he as)s$

Here1s someone ho has ondered h&man nat&re, 8 tho&(ht$ #What o&ld yo& do

d&rin( those 26 ho&rs*% 8 as)$

#8 o&ld loc) myself in my room and not let anyone in for those 26 ho&rs,% he says$

4aniels )nos evil$At fo&r years old, he as )ic)ed o&t of school for "ein( a


26/33

violence might have seemed like a good idea for many believers at the

time, though they were deeply and destructively misguided.

With my ri(hteo&s "elief that man is evil, 8 "e(in to onder if 81m mis(&ided;li)e the

acc&sers in alem;rojectin( onto others hat 8 fear is in me$

8t1s ni(ht$ 81m tired$ 8 have more intervies tomorro, "&t 8 chec) o&t the Jos An(eles

7&se&m of the Holoca&st e"site$ A side"ar &estion on their site catches my attention$

8t as)s? #8f yo& ere told to join the 0erman army or ris) imrisonment and endan(er

yo&r family, o&ld yo&? A$ Ref&se to join and ris) imrisonment in a concentration

cam$ B$ .lee or (o into hidin($ C$


27/33

8 clic) my anser, and chec) the res&lts$

The majority resonded that they o&ld flee, that they ere &ns&re hat they o&ld do,

or that they o&ld (o into hidin( or join the 0erman army$ Lnly a co&ra(eo&s minority

said they o&ld #Ref&se to join and ris) imrisonment in a concentration cam$%

8 asn1t one of them$

= .aith tories That haed 2-

Here1s o&r loo) "ac) at seven major nes stories that shaed the Ch&rch, Christian

c&lt&re and faith in 2-$

>oe .rancis Reinvi(orates the Catholic Ch&rch

ince he too) over the aacy in 7arch, >oe .rancis has earned a re&tation as "oth a

(ro&nd"rea)er and a reformer$ 3ot only is he the first oe .rancis1 disdain for ecess and

assion for the #least of these% has reinvi(orated the Catholic Ch&rch "y dislayin( an

eamle of h&m"le leadershi for Christians everyhere$

The Rise of Christian Reality T/

Tho&(h it first de"&ted in 2-2, this year, AIE1s &ir)y loo) at the o&tso)enly

Christian lives of the family "ehind a Jo&isiana h&ntin( "&siness "ecame a c&lt&ral

henomenon$ B&t(+ck (ynasty1s Ro"ertsons eren1t the only reli(io&s family on

rimetime in 2-$ With shos li)e the me(ach&rch9centric-astors of !A/ Thicker than

0aterthat follos (osel9m&sic1s Tan)ard family, and 3at 0eo1s "ac)oods Snake

Salvation, for "etter or for orse, Christians r&led reality T/ in 2-$

The Bi"le Ta)es Lver Hollyood

Bac) in 7arch, the History Channel de"&ted a -9art miniseries from h&s"and andife rod&cin( team 7ar) B&rnet and Roma 4oney$ The Bi


28/33

The 3e A"ortion 4e"ate

8n Aril, a little9)non a"ortion doctor in >hiladelhia stood acc&sed of

committin(horrific crimesa(ainst "a"ies and en(a(in( in a attern of reeated a"&se

a(ainst his atients;all done &nder the nose of a system that is s&osed to enforce

safety standards$ And &ntil Aril --, almost no one in the national media as tal)in(

a"o&t it$ When USA To*aycol&mnist Oirsten >oers rote, #The deafenin( silence of

too m&ch of the media, once a force for j&stice in America, is a dis(race,% in her Aril

-- oinion col&mn, the toic of a"ortion;and ho the media covers it;"ecame art of

the national conversation$ Even after Oermit 0osnell as sentenced to life in risonfor

his crimes, in 2-, a"ortion in America has once a(ain "ecome a major story$ .rom

enator Wendy 4avis1 efforts to fili"&stera la that o&ldrestrict a"ortionaccess in

Teas, to lama)ers in states aro&nd the co&ntry attemtin( to ass 29ee) "ans, this

year, a"ortion has once a(ain "ecome a major story;6 years after Roe v$ Wade$

Dtran(e1 Fnder .ire

8n etem"er, astor and a&thor ersec&tion in Conflict

.or nearly three years, co&ntries across the 7iddle East;incl&din( E(yt, Ji"ya and

yria;have eerienced &risin(s, as the masses ta)e to the streets to rotest

a&thoritarian re(imes$ B&t this year, as revol&tions have devolved into f&ll9fled(ed

clashes, one (ro& has fo&nd themselves in the middle of the conflicts;Christians$

.olloin( a crac)don on rotests "y (overnment forces, E(yt1s Cotic Christians

ere tar(eted and acc&sedof s&ortin( the military$ As a res&lt, ch&rches thro&(ho&t

the co&ntryere "&rned, as Christian comm&nities that have roots datin( "ac) h&ndreds

of years ere s&"jected to "om"in(s, intimidation and violence$ 8n yria, a civil ar

"eteen re"els;lar(ely ali(ned ith 8slamic (ro&s;and the "r&tal re(ime of

>resident Bashar Assad, has no ra(ed for more then to years$ There too, Christian
http://www.relevantmagazine.com/slices/witness-testimony-more-grisly-details-kermit-gosnell-murder-trialhttp://www.relevantmagazine.com/slices/witness-testimony-more-grisly-details-kermit-gosnell-murder-trialhttp://www.relevantmagazine.com/current/how-kirsten-powers-got-america-talkinghttp://www.relevantmagazine.com/slices/kermit-gosnell-avoids-death-penaltyhttp://www.relevantmagazine.com/slices/kermit-gosnell-avoids-death-penaltyhttp://www.relevantmagazine.com/slices/texas-abortion-bill-dies-after-chaotic-filibusterhttp://www.relevantmagazine.com/slices/gov-rick-perry-calls-new-vote-20-week-abortion-ban-bill-day-after-filibusterhttp://www.patheos.com/blogs/adrianwarnock/2013/09/john-macarthur-accuses-half-a-billion-christians-of-blasphemy-against-the-holy-spirit/http://www.relevantmagazine.com/slices/did-mark-driscoll-crash-james-macarthur-conference-or-somethinghttp://www.relevantmagazine.com/slices/did-mark-driscoll-crash-james-macarthur-conference-or-somethinghttp://georgeowood.com/statement-regarding-strange-fire-conference/http://georgeowood.com/statement-regarding-strange-fire-conference/http://www.relevantmagazine.com/slices/christians-communities-under-attack-egypthttp://www.relevantmagazine.com/slices/human-rights-watch-37-christian-churches-destroyed-egypthttp://www.relevantmagazine.com/slices/human-rights-watch-37-christian-churches-destroyed-egypthttp://www.relevantmagazine.com/slices/witness-testimony-more-grisly-details-kermit-gosnell-murder-trialhttp://www.relevantmagazine.com/current/how-kirsten-powers-got-america-talkinghttp://www.relevantmagazine.com/slices/kermit-gosnell-avoids-death-penaltyhttp://www.relevantmagazine.com/slices/texas-abortion-bill-dies-after-chaotic-filibusterhttp://www.relevantmagazine.com/slices/gov-rick-perry-calls-new-vote-20-week-abortion-ban-bill-day-after-filibusterhttp://www.patheos.com/blogs/adrianwarnock/2013/09/john-macarthur-accuses-half-a-billion-christians-of-blasphemy-against-the-holy-spirit/http://www.relevantmagazine.com/slices/did-mark-driscoll-crash-james-macarthur-conference-or-somethinghttp://georgeowood.com/statement-regarding-strange-fire-conference/http://www.relevantmagazine.com/slices/christians-communities-under-attack-egypthttp://www.relevantmagazine.com/slices/human-rights-watch-37-christian-churches-destroyed-egypt


29/33

comm&nities that have eisted since "i"lical times are findin( themselves the tar(et of

attac)sand ersec&tion$ With neither side reresentin( the interests of the reli(io&s

minority, the Christian tons, villa(es and comm&nities, hich can "e read a"o&t in the

3e Testament, are facin( &nrecedented hardshis$

8mmi(ration Reform

.or years, immi(ration reform had "een seen as a olitically divisive iss&e that Christian

leaders, for the most art, remained silent on$ B&t after 2-2 sa the creationof the

Evan(elical 8mmi(ration Ta"le, a coalition of evan(elical leaders see)in( to find

comassionate sol&tions and ne ays to reform the Fnited tates1 immi(ration la,

that chan(ed$ The initiative has since "ro&(ht to(ether voices from across the

evan(elical sectr&m, from denominational leaders incl&din( the o&thern Batist

Convention1s 4r$ Richard Jand and 3ational Association of Evan(elicals >resident

Jeith Anderson to activists li)e ojo&rners >resident eace >rie, and in -6, stein( into

office as o&th Africa1s first elected "lac) resident$
http://www.relevantmagazine.com/slices/christians-are-caught-middle-syrian-conflicthttp://www.relevantmagazine.com/slices/christians-are-caught-middle-syrian-conflicthttp://www.relevantmagazine.com/slices/evangelical-leaders-unite-immigration-reformhttp://evangelicalimmigrationtable.com/iwasastranger/http://www.relevantmagazine.com/slices/christians-are-caught-middle-syrian-conflicthttp://www.relevantmagazine.com/slices/christians-are-caught-middle-syrian-conflicthttp://www.relevantmagazine.com/slices/evangelical-leaders-unite-immigration-reformhttp://evangelicalimmigrationtable.com/iwasastranger/


30/33

Hoever, the tr&e le(acy left "ehind "y 3elson 7andela (oes f&rther than his

international accolades and his olitical infl&ence$ 7andela esta"lished his le(acy in the

idea of reconciliation;restorin( relationshis as a ay toards freedom from violence

and self9destr&ction$

At the time he steed into office, o&th Africa as la(&ed "y an incredi"le divide

"eteen the ay hite and "lac) comm&nities lived$ The latter often lac)ed ade&ate

ed&cation, aroriate sanitation and clean ater s&lies$ 7andela sa his main

o"jective to "e national reconciliation, a diffic&lt tas) at hand$ Get he &r(ed that the ay

forard co&ld only come a"o&t thro&(h for(iveness and reairin( relationshis "eteen

eole, rather than retaliation$

7y on interest in 3elson 7andela1s story as sar)ed "y his le(acy of reconciliation$

Hoever, as 8 "e(an to learn more, 8 discovered that 7andela as act&ally &ite a

controversial fi(&re$ His early years earned him a re&tation as a st&""orn and o"stinate

activist$ His olariin( friendshis ran(ed from >oe a&l 88 to 7&ammar

Paddafi, and he as fre&ently seen as a threat and cate(oried as a radical terrorist$

7andela1s sta&nchness landed him harsher &nishments, as many oonents vieed

him as a threat$ 8n earliest years at Ro""en 8sland, he as assi(ned to the loest stat&s

of risoner, invitin( harsher mistreatment$

Get 7andela descri"ed his last day in rison in his a&to"io(rahy,A !ong 0alk to

Free*om, &"lished in the first year of his residency$ #As 8 al)ed o&t the door toard

the (ate that o&ld lead to my freedom,% 7andela reco&nted, #8 )ne if 8 didn1t leave

my "itterness and hatred "ehind, 81d still "e in rison$%

7andela or)ed to ass&re o&th Africa1s hite o&lation that the 3e o&th Africa

o&ld not simly "e the dominance of a different (ro& over the others$ He filled his

ca"inet ith an incredi"ly diverse (ro& to reflect the #Rain"o 3ation$% As 7andela

led the char(e of reconciliation, he not only instit&ted chan(es olitically, "&t also

enco&ra(ed reconciliation thro&(ho&t the nation1s c&lt&re and its eole1s daily lives$ He

enco&ra(ed "lac) o&th Africans to s&ort a once9hated r&("y team to romote &nity

here there had once "een olariation$ He f&rthermore demonstrated ersonal

for(iveness toards former officials of the old aartheid re(ime$

7andela as firm, yet rather rivate, a"o&t his faith$ While he so)e infre&ently a"o&t

his 7ethodist roots, his le(acy of reconciliation s&orts a n&m"er of core ideals of the

Christian faith$ The idea that e ere created to "e reconciled sits at the heart of the

Christian messa(e, and his demonstration of for(iveness #t&rns the other chee)$%

7andela, no stran(er to olitical oonents, reflected the heart of lovin( one1s enemies$

#8f yo& ant to ma)e eace ith yo&r enemy,% he rote, #yo& have to or) ith yo&r

enemy$ Then he "ecomes yo&r artner$%

o&th Africa today still str&((les ith racial tensions and risin( violence$ The other

story from o&th Africa to dominate (lo"al headlines this year is that of Lscar>istorio&s, the Llymic athlete acc&sed of m&rderin( his (irlfriend in a story that


31/33

echoes the many of the nation1s c&rrent oes$ While 8 contin&ed to send time in the

nation of co&ntless landmar)s "earin( 7andela1s name, 8 fo&nd o&th Africans alarmed

"y the raes, domestic a"&se and (an( violence that ta)es lace in their nation daily$

3elson 7andela as not o&th Africa1s savior, "&t his le(acy does reflect the heart of

the avior1s messa(e? for(iveness is the )ey to reconciliation$

8n o&th Africa and aro&nd the orld, e see the need for reconciliation daily, and at

times, fi(&res li)e 7andela can remind &s that for(iveness is the )ey$ 8t isn1t an easy

)ey, "&t as 7andela once said, #it alays seems imossi"le &ntil it1s done$%

What We .or(et A"o&t


32/33

revol&tion a(ainst the Romans$ eole don1t fall for a fa"le to

the oint they o&ld "ecome martyrs that &ic)ly to the event itself$ Lnly 0od co&ld

claim to "e 0od and live it in s&ch aay that eole "elieved it so devotedly$

HE WA .FJJG 7A3

He ooed$ He eed$ He slet$ He ate$ He cried$ He (ot an(ry$ His actions ointed to thefact He had hysical, emotional and sirit&al needs$ He needed friends, and as

disaointed hen they didn1t meas&re & +hen they slet at 0ethsemane He needed

food and rest$ He et hen Jaar&s died$ He even +estione*0od$ +#8f there is any

ay that this c& may ass from me$% #L 0od, hy have yo& forsa)en me*%

Amain(ly, He left erfection in heaven to "e stin)y and h&n(ry and achy and lonely

and even rejected, and may"e even &(ly$

HE 8 T8JJ R8E3

8f He rose from the dead 2 years a(o, then He m&st still "e alive and ell today$ The

o"vio&s &estions flo forard? Ho can 8 meet Him* What is He doin( today* What

does He ant me to do* B&t the less o"vio&s &estions are the ones that e can1t so

easily anser? 4oes He slee* Where does He live* 8s He limited to Heaven* 8f He1s

alive, and all9oerf&l, hy doesn1t He sto all the "ad thin(s that haen aro&nd Him,

and even in His name* What does He loo) li)e* 4id his scars heal* 4id He really

descend into hell "efore He rose from the dead*

HE JL/E GLF

We may have a million &estions for


33/33

done "est? lovin( yo&$ 8 don1t claim to f&lly &nderstand ho amain( it is that hile e

received the verdict, #(&ilty as char(ed,% He too) the death sentence for &s$ He too) it

"efore the "lood as even ashed off o&r hands from the crime e committed$ There is

no one on this earth ith hom 8 o&ld ma)e s&ch a trade$ 8 am so &ic) to oint o&t

hen 8 eerience inj&stice, and hen 8 have to s&ffer for someone else1s mista)e, "&t

He acceted my conse&ences illin(ly$ Wo$ That1s love$

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