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8/21/2019 7 Simple Ways to Say
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7 Simple Ways ToSay No
Do you have difficulty sayingno? Are you always trying
to e nice to others at thee!pense of yourself?
Well" you#re not alone$ %n thepast" % was not good at saying
no" ecause % didn#t want tohurt the other person#s
feelings$
&or e!ample" whenever % get
re'uests for help" % would
attend to them even though %had important wor( to do$Sometimes the re'uests would
drag to )*+ hours or eveneyond$ At the end of the day"
% would forgo sleep to catchup on my wor($
After a while" % reali,ed allthese times of not saying no
-when % should. were nothelping me at all$ % was
spending a lot of time andenergy for other people and
not spending nearly as muchtime for myself$ %t was
frustrating especially since %rought it upon myself$ %
slowly reali,ed if % wanted
personal time" % needed tolearn to say no$
Why We &ind %t /ardTo Say No
To learn to say No" we have
to first understand what#sresisting us aout it$ 0elow
are common reasons whypeople find it hard to say no1
2$ You want to help$ 3ouare a (ind soul at heart$ 3ou
don#t want to turn the personaway and you want to help
where possile" even if it mayeat into your time$
)$ Afraid of being rude$ %was rought up under the
notion that saying No"
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especially to people who aremore senior" is rude$ This
thin(ing is common in Asiaculture" where face*saving is
important$ &ace*saving meansnot ma(ing others loo( ad$
+$ Wanting to beagreeable$ 3ou don#t want toalienate yourself from the
group ecause you#re not in
agreement$ So you confirm toothers# re'uests$
4$ Fear of conflict$ 3ou areafraid the person might e
angry if you re5ect him6her$This might lead to an ugly
confrontation$ ven if thereisn#t" there might e dissent
created which might lead tonegative conse'uences in the
future$
8$ Fear of lostopportunities$ 9erhaps youare worried saying no means
closing doors$ &or e!ample"one of my clients# wife was
as(ed to transfer to another
department in her company$Since she li(ed her team" she
didn#t want to shift$ /owever"she didn#t want to say no as
she felt it would affect herpromotion opportunities in the
future$
:$ Not burning bridges$Some people ta(e no as a
sign of re5ection$ %t might lead
to ridges eing urned andrelationships severed$
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%f you nodded to any of the
reasons" %#m with you$ They
applied to me at one point oranother$ /owever" in mye!perience dealing with
people at wor( and in life" %reali,ed these reasons are
more misconceptions thananything$ Saying No doesn#t
mean you are eing rude;neither does it mean you are
eing disagreeale$ SayingNo doesn#t mean there will
e conflict nor that you#ll loseopportunities in the future$
And saying no most definitelydoesn#t mean you#re urning
ridges$ These are all falseeliefs in our mind$
At the end of the day" it#saout how you say no"
rather than the fact you#resaying no" that affects the
outcome$ After all" you have
your own priorities and needs"5ust li(e everyone has his6herown needs$ Saying no is aout
respecting and valuing your
time and space$ Say no is yourprerogative$
7 Simple WaysTo Say No
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at the moment" so he6sheshould hold off on this as well
as future re'uests$ %f it ma(esit easier" you can also share
what you#re wor(ing on so theperson can understand etter$ %
use this when % have too manycommitments to attend to$
!. Nows not a good time asIm in the middle of
something. "ow about wereconnect at # time$
%t#s common to get suddenre'uests for help when you are
in the middle of something$Sometimes % get phone calls
from friends or associateswhen %#m in a meeting or
doing important wor($ Thismethod is a great way to
-temporarily. hold off there'uest$ &irst" you let the
person (now it#s not a goodtime as you are doing
something$ Secondly" you
ma(e (nown your desire tohelp y suggesting anothertime -at your convenience.$
This way" the person doesn#tfeel lown off$
%. Id love to do this& but'
% often use this as it#s a gentle
way of rea(ing no to theother party$ %t#s encouragingas it lets the person (now you
li(e the idea -of course" onlysay this if you do li(e it. and
there#s nothing wrong aoutit$ % often get collaoration
proposals from fellowloggers and usiness
associates which % can#tparticipate in and % use this
method to gently say no$ Theirideas are asolutely great" ut
% can#t ta(e part due to otherreasons such as prior
commitments ->2. or differentneeds ->8.$
(. )et me thin* about itfirst and Ill get bac* to+ou.
This is more li(e a aye
than a straight out No$ %f
you are interested ut youdon#t want to say @yes# 5ustyet" use this$ Sometimes %#m
pitched a great idea whichmeets my needs" ut % want to
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hold off on committing as %want some time to thin( first$
There are times when newconsiderations pop in and %
want to e certain of thedecision efore committing
myself$ %f the person is sincereaout the re'uest" he6she will
e more than happy to wait ashort while$ Specify a date 6
time*range -say" in 2*) wee(s.
where the person can e!pect areply$
%f you#re not interested inwhat the person has to offer at
all" don#t lead him6her on$ =semethods >8" >: or >7 which
are definitive$
,. -his doesnt meet m+needs now but Ill be sure to*eep +ou in mind.
%f someone is pitching a
deal6opportunity which isn#twhat you are loo(ing for" let
him6her (now straight*out thatit doesn#t meet your needs$
therwise" the discussion candrag on longer than it should$
%t helps as the person (nowit#s nothing wrong aout what
he6she is offering" ut that youare loo(ing for something
else$ At the same time" ysaying you#ll (eep him6her in
mind" it signals you are opento future opportunities$
. Im not the best personto help on this. Wh+ dont+ou tr+ #$
%f you are eing as(ed for help
in something which you -i.can#t contriute much to -ii.don#t have resources to help"let it e (nown they are
loo(ing at the wrong person$%f possile" refer them to a
lead they can follow*up on Bwhether it#s someone you
(now" someone who might(now someone else" or even a
department$ % always ma(e it apoint to offer an alternate
contact so the person doesn#tend up in a dead end$ This
way you help steer the person
in the right place$
/. No& I cant.
The simplest and most direct
way to say no$ We uild uptoo many arriers in our mind
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to saying no$ As % sharedearlier in this article" these
arriers are self*created andthey are not true at all$ Don#t
thin( so much aout saying noand 5ust say it outright$ 3ou#ll
e surprised when thereception isn#t half as ad as
what you imagined it to e$
Cearn to say no to re'ueststhat don#t meet your needs"
and once you do that you#llfind how easy it actually is$
3ou#ll get more time foryourself" your wor( and things
that are most important to you$% (now % do and %#m happy %
started doing that$