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Thought Catalog Thought Catalog © A website dedicated to your stories and ideas. Brought to you by thought.is About Submissions Homepage Popular Reel Writers Books Join our newsletter send Terms of Use Privacy Policy Adchoices Homepage Popular Reel Writers Books About Submissions Search Search 8 hours ago 8 Things That Surprised Me About Love, Once I Actually Found It Brianna Wiest 9 Comments Content reported Report This Article What is the issue? Infringes my copyright

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  • 6/12/2015 8ThingsThatSurprisedMeAboutLove,OnceIActuallyFoundIt|ThoughtCatalog

    http://thoughtcatalog.com/briannawiest/2015/06/8thingsthatsurprisedmeaboutloveonceiactuallyfoundit/?utm_content=buffer64da9&utm_medium= 1/8

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    8ThingsThatSurprisedMeAboutLove,OnceIActuallyFoundIt

    BriannaWiest

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    Infringesmycopyright

  • 6/12/2015 8ThingsThatSurprisedMeAboutLove,OnceIActuallyFoundIt|ThoughtCatalog

    http://thoughtcatalog.com/briannawiest/2015/06/8thingsthatsurprisedmeaboutloveonceiactuallyfoundit/?utm_content=buffer64da9&utm_medium= 2/8

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    TherearemanythingsIatonepointconvincedmyselfwerelove,andtheyusuallywerenttheclichs,likecodependency,orlust,ortheideaofsomethingovertherealityofit.Itwasmoreoftenthingsthatwereabitmoreabstract,andalotmoreconvincing:thepersonwhofitthechecklistperfectly,thepersonwhogavemeageneralfeelingoflovemetbyanequalsenseofuncertainty,friendship,need,rebound.

  • 6/12/2015 8ThingsThatSurprisedMeAboutLove,OnceIActuallyFoundIt|ThoughtCatalog

    http://thoughtcatalog.com/briannawiest/2015/06/8thingsthatsurprisedmeaboutloveonceiactuallyfoundit/?utm_content=buffer64da9&utm_medium= 3/8

    FinallyfindingtheloveIhadforsolongbeenseekingwasntahormonefueledimplosion.Itwasagentleawakening,asimplerealization.Itdidntmakemerash,itmademegrounded.Itdidntmakemewanttoplanforever,butbecompletelypresent.ItwasbetterthanIevercouldhavefathomed,andyetnothingIdeverexpect.Here,allthethingsthatsurprisedmeabout(real,live,easy,beautiful)love:

    1.Thefeelingismorecompletepeacethanitisunbridledpassion.

    Thatkindofpassionhasitstimeandplacebutitsnotlove.Itssex.Orexpectation.Oranidea.Orattraction.Loveispeacefulness,whichissomethingIdidntunderstandbefore(andIdontthinkmanypeopledo.)Itsnotarush,itsarest.Itsagrounded,aware,mindful,intentional,beautifulpeacefulness,anditextendstoeveryiotaofyourbeing.Itdoesntinduceamanic,overlyemotionalfieldday,itmakesyouconscious,calm,gratefulandpresent.

    2.ItmadethethingsIstruggledwithclearer,andthethingsIlovedbetter.

    Itwasasthoughagreatamplifyingfilterwasputoneveryaspectofmylife.Thethingsthatwereunhealedcamejuttinguptothesurface.ThethingsIlovedaboutmyselfandmyworkandmyhomeandwhateverelsebecameathousandtimessweeter.Moresacred,even,asIwantedtosharethemwithsomeoneelse,andyetatthesametime,keepthemwhollymyowntoo.

    3.ItgrewwhenIletitbeasitwas,notwhenItriedtomakesenseofit.MybraincouldntactualizewhatitwasIwasfeeling,andoften,tryingtodosocheapeneditaltogether.Loveisnotamindgame.Youdontfigureoutwhetherornotyoulovesomeone.Youcanplasterpoeticwordsandpromisesandblearyeyedjoytoitallyouwant,butultimately,thosearejustthingsthatattempttodefineit,tomakesenseofit,thoughlogicalissomethingitwillneverbe.IcouldwritealistofathousandthingsIloveaboutthepersonIdo,butnoneofthemwouldbewhyIlovehim.Itjustis.Ijustdo.

    4.IidentifieditbythewayIwasactingandhowmywholelifewasshifting,notbythedegreeofemotionalintensityIexperienced,oralongenoughlistofreasonsthatwouldconfirmIwas,indeed,inlove.

    Whenwedlaytogether,especiallyatthebeginning,Idfallasleepin(literally)1030seconds.Itwasajokebetweenus,butultimatelywastheresultoffeelingsoatpeace,socomfortable,socompletelyrelaxedsimplybeinginhispresence.Thereareafewotherinstanceswhichcausedmetobelikeoh,IguessIminlove???buttospareyouanymoreofthegagfactor,take

  • 6/12/2015 8ThingsThatSurprisedMeAboutLove,OnceIActuallyFoundIt|ThoughtCatalog

    http://thoughtcatalog.com/briannawiest/2015/06/8thingsthatsurprisedmeaboutloveonceiactuallyfoundit/?utm_content=buffer64da9&utm_medium= 4/8

    mywordforit:mysoulknewbeforemyminddid.IactedonitbeforeIrealizedit.IknewitbeforeIcouldidentifyit.

    5.ItmadememoreofwhoIam,notless.

    Ivealwaysbeenonetoeversoslightlylosemyselfinrelationships.Iobviouslywouldntbeconsciousofitwhileitwashappening,butinretrospect,mylifebecameaboutus.Findingreallovemademeevenmorefiercelydesiremydreamsandgoals.Nottoprovemyselfworthy,buttohavemyownexperiences,tonotlosewhoIwasinwhoIwantustobe.

    6.Thepathtofindingitwas,actually,lovingmyselffirst.

    Deargod,theultimateclichwastrue.Sotrueitmakesmyeyesrollintoanotherdimension.Itwastheliteral,actualpath.Basically:Iwrotesomethingverypersonalandpublisheditandhereaditandwaslikewow,Iloveyousohegavemehisfavoritebookwhichbecamemyfavoritebookbeforewewereeverathingandthenwedidntsomuchfallinloveaswerealizedwealwayswere,buttheprocessofactualizingitwasmegettingthecouragetobevulnerableandhonest.Notforhim.Forme.

    7.Imnotthatworriedaboutforever.Wehaveplans,wehavedreamsandhopesandwereallbutputtingtogetherPinterestboardswithalltheinteriordecoratingwewanttodo,soIdontwanttogiveyoutheimpressionthatwedontconsiderafuture.ButwhatIdowanttosayisthatIdontreallythinkaboutit,orcareaboutit,likeIusedto.Irealizethat,forme,apromiseofforeveressentiallymeantthatIwassafeenoughtoletmyselflovesomeone.Ifeelthatsafetynow.Nobodycanrealisticallypromiseforever.Youneverknowwhatwillhappen.Buttodayismorethanenough.TodayisallthatIcareabout.TodayisalltheforeverIneed.RightnowistheonlyplaceIwanttobe.Itsnotapromiseoranideaorahope,butabeautifulreality,oneIchoosenottomissforasecondofplanningforasomedaythatmaybeoutofourhandsregardless.

    8.Itseffortless.

    Lifeishard.Circumstancesarehard.(Orreally,theyreashardasyoudecideforthemtobe.Youchoosewhetheryouseeroadblocksortrafficsignals,ifyougetwhatImean).Dealingwithyourinnerdemons,especiallyinthecontextofsomeonewhobringsthemup,ishard.Reconcilingwhoyouwereandbecomingwhoyouareishard.Everythingthatstandsinthewayofloveishard.Buttheloveitselfisnt.Iddonesomuchintenseselfworkthatbythetimeiteventuallyrolledaround,afairlysignificantamountofthatshitwasalreadygone.TherewasaneffortlessnessthatwaspossiblebecauseIgotridofthethings

    thatwerepreventingit.ItwasntsomethingIhadtotryforthis,butreallyjustallow.

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  • 6/12/2015 8ThingsThatSurprisedMeAboutLove,OnceIActuallyFoundIt|ThoughtCatalog

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  • 6/12/2015 8ThingsThatSurprisedMeAboutLove,OnceIActuallyFoundIt|ThoughtCatalog

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    MandieSanders 2hoursagoIdon'tnormallyexpectmuchfromThoughtCatalog,butthiswasthebestdescriptionofrealloveI'veeverread.Thethingis,youdon'treallygetituntilithappenstoyou,andthenit'slike,"Omg,THISiswhatit'ssupposedtobelike."

    1

    Reply

    jdub 4hoursago"RightnowistheonlyplaceIwanttobe,"almostmademetearup.Thisisbeautiful,andcongratulationsonfindingtheloveyoutrulydeserve!

    Reply

    ftyjyry 5hoursagoIfnumber7lastedtheworldwouldbeabetterplace,butatsomepointitturnsinto,"givemearingorI'mleaving".

    When"forever"isthegoal,there'salotofroomforfailure.Enjoytoday.

    Reply

    AllThingsGeek 5hoursagoSorry,butthisseemsutterlydull.Whatislifewithoutsoulcrushing,bonebreakingandteethshatteringpain?

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  • 6/12/2015 8ThingsThatSurprisedMeAboutLove,OnceIActuallyFoundIt|ThoughtCatalog

    http://thoughtcatalog.com/briannawiest/2015/06/8thingsthatsurprisedmeaboutloveonceiactuallyfoundit/?utm_content=buffer64da9&utm_medium= 7/8

    Reply

    B 6hoursagoI'mareaderofthoughtcatalogforsometimenowandI'vereadyoubeforeaswell.I'mhappythatyoufindsomethingpeacefulbutmyproblemwiththiskindawritingisthatitimposesyourpersonalexperienceasanorm.Everyoneisdifferentandeverybodyislookingforsomethingdifferentandeverytimeireadsomethinglikethisdefiningwhat*real*loveisorwhatpeopleshoulddotofinditandetc.itkindaputsthewriterinthiscasejustaluckygirlwhoinherownopinionhasfoundtherealloveinanexpertpositiontellingotherpeoplewhatkindareallovetheyshouldbefindingeventhoeveryoneisdifferentandeveryrelationshiphastheirowncourse.Onthisnotehowever,somestuffisrightonpsychologicalbasis,whenyoudoloveyourselfandacceptwhoyouare,you'llbefreefromyourdemonsinsideandwhenyou'vereachedthatpoint,you'llbepeacefulnomatterwhat,singleorasacouple.

    1

    Reply

    Kara 6hoursago>BThetitleisinthefirstperson.It'sclearlycommunicatedthatthisishersubjectiveexperience.You'dhaveapointifitwerecalled"8ThingsThatWillSurpriseYOUAboutLoveWhenYouFindIt."

    2

    Reply

    b 5hoursago>Karayeahthesearewhatsurprisedher,notme.you'reright!butallthroughthetext,herimplicationofwhat*real*loveshouldbe,isn'tpersonal.theregoesmycommentupthere.

    Reply

    Fernanda 7hoursagoThisissoonpoint,beautifullytrue.Andcouldyou,please,sharethenameofyourfavoritebook?

    2

    Reply

    A 7hoursagoAww,thatwassosweet.Goodforyou,andgoodlucktoyouaswell.Mayyourloveflourishanddeepen.

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  • 6/12/2015 8ThingsThatSurprisedMeAboutLove,OnceIActuallyFoundIt|ThoughtCatalog

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