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A Text-Based Grammar for Expository Reading and Writing

Expository Reading and Writing CourseSEMESTER ONE

Roberta J. ChingExpository Reading and Writing Task Force

ii A TEXT-BASED GRAMMAR FOR EXPOSITORY READING AND WRITING

A Text-Based Grammar for Expository Reading and Writing was developed by Roberta J. Ching of California State University, Sacramento as a member of the California State University Expository Reading and Writing Task Force. It was edited by Katina Oliphant and Faye Ong, of CDE Press, working in cooperation with Roberta J. Ching. It was prepared for printing by the staff of CDE Press; the cover and interior design were created by Juan Sanchez; and typesetting was done by Jeannette Reyes. It was published by the California State University Press, Th e California State University, Offi ce of the Chancellor, 401 Golden Shore, Long Beach, CA 90801-4210. It was distributed under the provisions of the Library Distribution Act and Government Code Section 11096.

© 2008 by Th e California State UniversityAll rights reserved

ISBN 978-0-9818314-2-8

Copies of this document can be obtained only by participating in professional learning programs sponsored by Th e California State University and/or the California County Superintendents Educational Services Association. Please see the following link for more information: http://www.calstate.edu/eap/support_hs_teachers.shtml.

Publishing Information

A TEXT-BASED GRAMMAR FOR EXPOSITORY READING AND WRITING iii

Acknowledgments ............................................................................................ viiiIntroduction .................................................................................................... ixGuidelines for Teachers ................................................................................... xiii

Chapter One: Sentence Fundamentals for Expressing Ideas .......................... 1 Based on the Fast Food module. Chapter Focus: Sentence Fundamentals Exercise 1: Guided composition 1.1 Finding Complete Verbs in Sentences ....................................................... 2 Verbs Th at Act as Nouns and Verb Complements Exercise 2: Identifying verbs and verb phrases Exercise 3: Identifying compound verbs and verb phrases1.2. Finding Subjects of Sentences .................................................................. 5 Pronouns as Subjects Exercise 4: Identifying subjects of sentences Compound Subjects Exercise 5: Identifying compound subjects Eliminating Nouns Th at Are Not Subjects Exercise 6: Identifying verbs, subjects, and prepositional phrases Exercise 7: More practice identifying subjects and verbs1.3 Recognizing Complete Ideas—Sentences and Clauses ............................. 9 Clauses Exercise 8: Identifying complete and incomplete ideas Exercise 9: Identifying main and subordinate clauses1.4 Student Writing ......................................................................................... 12 Exercise 10: Editing sentences for missing subjects, verbs, and

connecting words Exercise 11: Editing your guided composition Exercise 12: Editing your own writingAnswer Key ...................................................................................................... 15

Chapter Two: Sentence Problems: Run-ons and Fragments ........................... 21 Based on the Going for the Look module. Chapter Focus: Common Sentence Problems Exercise 1: Guided composition

Contents

iv A TEXT-BASED GRAMMAR FOR EXPOSITORY READING AND WRITING

2.1 Run-on Sentences ...................................................................................... 22 Correcting Run-on Sentences Exercise 2: Correcting run-on sentences Correcting Run-on Sentences with Pronoun Subjects Exercise 3: Correcting run-on sentences with pronoun subjects2.2 Student Writing ......................................................................................... 25 Exercise 4: Editing run-on sentences in student writing2.3 Correcting Sentence Fragments ................................................................ 25 Subordinate Clause Fragments Exercise 5: Correcting subordinate clause fragments Correcting “-ing” and “to” Fragments Exercise 6: Correcting “-ing” and “to” fragments Correcting Added Information Fragments Exercise 7: Correcting added information fragments Correcting Missing Subject Fragments Exercise 8: Correcting missing subject fragments2.4 Student Writing ......................................................................................... 29 Exercise 9: Correcting run-ons and fragments in student writing Exercise 10: Editing your guided composition Exercise 11: Editing your own writingAnswer Key ...................................................................................................... 31

Chapter Th ree: Noun Forms and Subject-Verb Agreement ............................ 35 Based on the Rhetoric of the Op-Ed Page module. Chapter Focus: Forming Nouns and Making them Agree with Verbs Exercise 1: Guided composition 3.1 Nouns ........................................................................................................ 36 Singular and Plural Forms of Nouns Exercise 2: Identifying singular and plural nouns Exercise 3: Identifying count and non-count nouns Nouns and Determiners Exercise 4: Words that go with singular and plural nouns3.2 Subject-Verb Agreement ............................................................................ 40 Exercise 5: Correcting subject-verb agreement errors Exercise 6: Making verbs agree with subjects in text Exercise 7: Making verbs agree with subjects in authentic text3.3 Student Writing ......................................................................................... 43 Exercise 8: Editing your guided composition Exercise 9: Editing your own writingAnswer Key ...................................................................................................... 45

Chapter Four: Verbs for Expository Writing ................................................... 49 Based on the Value of Life module. Chapter Focus: Verbs in Expository Writing Exercise 1: Guided composition 4.1 Identifying Complete Verb Phrases ........................................................... 50 Complete Verb Phrases Main Verb Forms

A TEXT-BASED GRAMMAR FOR EXPOSITORY READING AND WRITING v

4.2 Time and Tense .......................................................................................... 52 Th e Past Time Frame Th e Present Time Frame Times Frames and Time Markers Exercise 2: Identifying verbs, subjects, and time frames4.3 Verb Use in Basic Time .............................................................................. 54 Th e Simple Present Tense Th e Simple Past Tense Th e Simple Future Tense Exercise 3: Using basic verb tenses in expository writing4.4 Use of Perfect Tense Verbs ......................................................................... 57 Present Perfect Past Perfect Future Perfect Exercise 4: Using basic and perfect verb tenses in expository writing4.5 Progressive Tenses ...................................................................................... 60 Exercise 5: Using verb tenses to express time relationships4.6 Student Writing ......................................................................................... 63 Exercise 6: Editing student writing Exercise 7: Editing your guided composition Exercise 8: Editing your own writingAnswer Key ...................................................................................................... 65

Chapter Five: Sentence Focus and Defensible Assertions ............................... 71 Based on the Racial Profi ling module. Chapter Focus: Using Academic Language to Construct Arguments Exercise 1: Guided composition 5.1 Passive Verbs .............................................................................................. 72 Forming the Passive Exercise 2: Identifying passive verbs Using Passive Verbs Eff ectively Exercise 3: Changing active verbs to passive verbs5.2 Modals ....................................................................................................... 76 Forming Verb Phrases with Modals Phrasal modals Exercise 4: Identifying modals and their meanings Exercise 5: Using modals5.3 Making Assertions Th at Can Be Supported .............................................. 80 Strategies for Making Defensible Assertions Exercise 6: Revising sentences to make assertions defensible5.4 Student Writing ......................................................................................... 82 Exercise 7: Editing student writing Exercise 8: Editing your guided composition Exercise 9: Editing your own writingAnswer Key ...................................................................................................... 85

vi A TEXT-BASED GRAMMAR FOR EXPOSITORY READING AND WRITING

Chapter Six: Connecting Ideas in Expository Writing ................................... 91 Based on the Juvenile Justice module. Chapter Focus: Making Connections Exercise 1: Guided composition 6.1 Connecting Ideas Using Coordination ..................................................... 92 Exercise 2: Identifying coordinating words and logical relationships6.2 Connecting Ideas Using Subordination .................................................... 93 Expressing Logical Relationships with Subordination Punctuating Sentences with Subordinate Clauses Exercise 3: Identifying subordinating words and logical relationships Problems with Subordination

6.3 Correcting Ideas Using Transitions ........................................................... 96 Exercise 4: Identifying transitions and logical relationships Exercise 5: Using connecting words to join clauses Exercise 6: Writing sentences using connecting words6.4 Student Writing ......................................................................................... 99 Exercise 7: Editing student writing to make logical connections clear Exercise 8: Editing your guided composition6.5 Connecting Ideas Using Parallel Structure ............................................... 101 Exercise 9: Identifying parallel elements Exercise 10: Editing sentences for parallel structure Exercise 11: Completing sentences with parallel elements6.6 Editing Student Writing ............................................................................ 103 Exercise 12: Editing student writing Exercise 13: Editing your own writingAnswer Key ...................................................................................................... 105

Chapter Seven: Adding Information to Sentences: Adjective Clauses, Participial Modifi ers, Appositives, and Special Punctuation ..................... 113

Based on the Last Meow module. Chapter Focus: Adding Information to Sentences Exercise 1: Guided composition 7.1 Adjective Clauses ....................................................................................... 114 Exercise 2: Identifying adjective clauses Exercise 3: Combining sentences using adjective clauses7.2 Participial Modifi ers .................................................................................. 116 Exercise 4: Identifying participial modifi ers Exercise 5: Combining sentences using participial modifi ers7.3 Appositives ................................................................................................. 118 Exercise 6: Identifying appositives Exercise 7: Combining sentences using appositives7.4 Special Punctuation for Adding Information ........................................... 120 Exercise 8: Combining sentences using special punctuation—dashes

and colons

A TEXT-BASED GRAMMAR FOR EXPOSITORY READING AND WRITING vii

7.5 Editing Student Writing ............................................................................ 121 Exercise 9: Editing student writing Exercise 10: Editing your guided composition Exercise 11: Editing your own writingAnswer Key ...................................................................................................... 123

Chapter Eight: Writing About What Others Say ............................................ 129 Based on the Into the Wild module. Chapter Focus: Writing About the Words and Ideas of Others Exercise 1: Guided composition 8.1 Summary .................................................................................................... 130 Identifying the Source and the Author Choosing the Time Frame Exercise 2: Using the past time frame to summarize Into the Wild Exercise 3: Using the present time frame (historical present) to

summarize Into the Wild Exercise 4: Summarizing part of a chapter8.2 Paraphrase ................................................................................................. 132 Guidelines for Paraphrasing Exercise 5: Paraphrasing a paragraph8.3 Quotation .................................................................................................. 134 Guidelines for Quoting Exercise 6: Incorporating quotations8.4 Introducing Quotations ............................................................................ 135 Exercise 7: Identifying verbs that introduce the words of others8.5 Making the Speaker and the Context Clear .............................................. 137 Exercise 8: Making the speaker and the context clear8.6 Punctuating Quotations ............................................................................ 138 Exercise 9: Punctuating quotations8.7 Editing Student Writing ............................................................................ 140 Exercise 10: Editing student writing Exercise 11: Editing your guided composition Exercise 12: Editing your own writingAnswer Key ...................................................................................................... 143Appendix—Responding to Student Writing for Editing ................................ 151

viii A TEXT-BASED GRAMMAR FOR EXPOSITORY READING AND WRITING

Acknowledgments

for my eff orts. I would like to thank Nancy Brynelson of the CSU Chancellor’s Offi ce, who encouraged me to undertake this project, and to likewise thank my fel-low members of the Expository Reading and Writing Task Force for their support. I would particularly like to thank the high school teachers who have used the ERWC assignments and who asked for materials designed to help students struggling to master the intricacies of academic English in their classes. Th e feedback from those teachers and the many samples of student writing that they gathered have formed the basis for my work. Finally, I would like to conclude by admitting that although I have received inspiration and encourage-ment from many sources, the errors that undoubtedly remain in these materials are entirely of my own doing.

All good teaching rests on the work of teachers who have come be-fore. However, in the case of this

supplement to the ERWC, my debt to other teachers is especially large. I would fi rst like to acknowledge the contribution of the teachers in my own department, the Learning Skills Center at California State University (CSU) Sacramento. Th ey have tirelessly created materials to meet the evolving needs of underprepared Cali-fornia students commencing a university education. I would especially like to thank Darlene Jantz and Shelagh Nugent for their generosity in sharing their ideas and materials. I would also like to thank Pa-tricia Porter and Deborah vanDommelen, whose book Read, Write, Edit: Grammar for College Writers exemplifi es the philoso-phy of teaching grammar in the service of writing and was a model and a resource

A TEXT-BASED GRAMMAR FOR EXPOSITORY READING AND WRITING ix

Introduction

In a palazzo in Rome, a painting from the seventeenth century of seven beautiful women hangs on the wall.

Th e women represent the elements of a classical education. Standing side by side are Rhetoric and Grammar. Since Cicero, rhetoricians have recognized that the ability to craft eff ective sentences is a critical part of convincing an audience of an argument’s validity. Th e same is true for our students today. Forming sentences correctly is part of the writer’s ethos. A reader is unlikely to accept an argument that is fi lled with run-on sentences, subjects that don’t agree with their verbs, and spelling and punctuation errors. Even more important is logos. An argument is based on the logic of its sentences, and that logic depends to an important extent on grammar. Th e sequence of events is conveyed through the verb tense system. Th e nuances of a writer’s position are presented through the use of active and passive verbs, modals, and qualifying words and phrases. Th e logical relation-ships among ideas are expressed through coordination, subordination, and the use of transitions and parallel structures. Th e logic of an argument can be strengthened by supplying additional information, and appeals can be made to pathos through the use of adjective clauses, participial phrases, appositives, dashes, and colons. Eff ectively and accurately integrating the texts of others into one’s writing can strengthen the argument.

Despite the consensus among classical rhetoricians on the importance of gram-mar, the question of whether grammar can be taught has been vigorously debated over the last two decades. Infl uential researchers have argued that direct in-struction is misguided at best and that all students need to master the intricacies of a language is exposure to that language in its written and oral forms. Other research suggests that the countless hours that teachers invest in marking student papers for errors are wasted and that student writ-ing does not improve as a consequence. Both positions have elements of truth, but agreement is emerging that the acquisition process is not suffi cient to acquire written academic language, particularly for stu-dents coming from homes where English is not spoken and communities where non-standard forms of English predomi-nate. Th e high rates of remediation at the university level are testimony that relying only on language acquisition to provide students with profi ciency is doing them a grave disservice. At the same time, practi-tioners have demonstrated that addressing sentence-level grammar and mechanics in a contextualized and systematic way does result in students’ gaining greater control over the crucial systems of written lan-guage.

We can view academic English as having three essential components: words, sen-tences, and discourse. Students will benefi t

x A TEXT-BASED GRAMMAR FOR EXPOSITORY READING AND WRITING

from instruction in academic vocabulary and in the writing of paragraphs and essays. Likewise, many will also benefi t from instruction in grammar, the rules by which words and phrases are combined to produce sentences. Th is supplement to the Expository Reading and Writing Course (ERWC) is designed to provide explicit instruction in these rules to high school students. It refl ects the view that students can best learn these rules in the context of the texts that they are reading and writing about. Each chapter begins with activi-ties to help students identify structures in the context of the readings that they have done for the particular ERWC assign-ment. Students then apply the rules in ex-ercises based on the texts and in an editing exercise based on student writing. Finally, the students use the rules to edit the essays that they have written for the assignment.

Th ese chapters are designed to be taught in tandem with the fi rst eight mod-ules—the fi rst semester—of the ERWC. Unlike many grammar texts, this supple-ment begins with the clauses and the subjects and the verbs with which they are constructed. As the title “Sentence Fun-damentals for Expressing Ideas” suggests, teaching students to identify clauses, sub-jects, and verbs is the basis for everything else that follows. By beginning there, the students have a semester to master iden-tifying these crucial elements and using the components throughout the rest of the chapters. Chapters Two and Th ree focus on sentences that go wrong—frag-ments and run-ons—and problems with forming nouns and making subjects and verbs agree. Th ese chapters give students additional practice in identifi cation while addressing several vexing areas that most novice writers struggle with. Chapter Four assumes that students can identify verb phrases correctly and focuses on the use

of verbs in discourse. Chapter Five builds on the use of verbs in expository writing by looking at strategies for using passive verbs and modals and provides practice with other ways in which writers qualify their assertions. Chapter Six returns to clauses and gives students practice in joining clauses to communicate logical relationships. In the next chapter, students see how adjective clauses can be reduced to participial modifi ers and appositives to add information to sentences. Th e fi nal chapter provides students with practice in the grammatical forms that enable them to report and integrate the ideas of others in their own writing. As students practice grammatical forms in these chapters, they learn and apply the punctuation rules required by context and purpose.

You can integrate these chapters and their exercises into the ERWC assignments. In that way, your students will receive grammar instruction in small doses in the context of the topics they are reading and discussing. Your students will conclude by applying what they learned to editing their own writing, thus maintaining a close con-nection between the rules they are learn-ing and their own rhetorical purposes. Th e intention is that your students will do most of the exercises in class—individu-ally, in pairs, or in small groups—in order to reduce your paper load and to ensure that feedback is immediate. To maximize learning, talk through the topics, model the response to the example sentences in each exercise, and “debrief ” your students after they have done the exercises. Because these chapters are completely based on the readings in the ERWC assignments, they must be taught in conjunction with those assignments. In other words, Chapter Two (Sentence Problems: Run-ons and Frag-ments) must be taught while your students are doing the Going for the Look module

A TEXT-BASED GRAMMAR FOR EXPOSITORY READING AND WRITING xi

because it assumes that students have care-fully read the reading for that assignment, are familiar with the vocabulary, and are comfortable writing about the ideas.

Although the chapters must accompany the relevant ERWC assignments, not every student will benefi t equally from the topics in every chapter. California high schools serve diverse populations, as anyone who has recently set foot in a high school can testify. Classrooms may primar-ily serve high-performing students who have an accomplished grasp of academic English. Th ey may serve students who are fl uent in spoken English but who are poor readers and lack profi ciency in written aca-demic English. Th ey may serve students who come from communities where near-ly everyone uses a non-standard dialect of English. Many high school students these days began school not speaking English at all. Most of these students, frequently identifi ed as Generation 1.5, learned Eng-lish on the playground, picking it up with little if any formal instruction in how the language works. Or if they received special language instruction, it was in kindergar-ten and the primary grades. Th ese students were often “mainstreamed” before literacy demands for the written language dramati-cally rose in the later grades of elementary school and, thus, received no specialized instruction in academic English. Th eir oral fl uency often masks their lack of knowledge of how the written language functions. Other English learners arrived later in school and had to learn the lan-guage at the same time they were trying to cope with the more advanced curriculum of the higher grade levels. A single class-room often holds students from all these groups. It is essential that teachers using these materials select the topics for their particular populations on the basis of their particular needs. For example, Chapter

Four deals with verbs and is especially im-portant for Asian students who have fi rst languages that do not use verb tenses to indicate time. Chapter Five, which deals with qualifi cation, is helpful for basic writ-ers of all backgrounds who lack familiarity with written academic language. Spanish speakers will benefi t from Chapter Six since Spanish joins clauses diff erently than English.

Th e focus of these materials is on the grammatical rules that students need to edit their own writing. Unlike spoken language, written language allows time to apply rules when students know they are accountable for identifying and correcting their errors. However, trying to apply rules can tie the tongue when speaking, and it can do the equivalent in writing if done too early in the writing process. Th erefore, it’s essential that your students postpone the editing process until after they have created drafts that express their ideas to the best of their ability. At that point, your students need to know that editing is an important way to clarify and refi ne those ideas further. Assigning a separate draft for editing after your students have revised their essays for meaning is helpful, particularly for students who make lots of sentence-level errors.

An important assumption underlying these chapters is that the only grammati-cal rules that make sense to teach are those that students can take away with them. Th e rules governing English syntax are nu-merous and complex. However, students cannot remember and need not know all those rules. Twenty-nine rules can describe the use of articles in English. Expecting students to learn and apply those rules is unrealistic. Mastering a handful of rules will enable your students to edit the most serious and pervasive errors in their writing. Other aspects of English are not

xii A TEXT-BASED GRAMMAR FOR EXPOSITORY READING AND WRITING

governed by rules at all, or the rules are so complex that only linguists can under-stand them. Th ose aspects, such as idioms, word choice, and the use of infi nitives and participles following verbs, are best regard-ed as vocabulary issues. Rules won’t help.

Another consideration underlying these chapters is the need to address content standards. Th e English–Language Arts Con-tent Standards for California Public Schools: Kindergarten Th rough Grade Twelve and the Composing Skills section of the CSU English Placement Test (EPT) as well as the essay portion of the EPT assess stu-dents’ knowledge of grammatical rules and conventions and students’ ability to construct eff ective sentences. Th e elev-enth- and twelfth-grade standards under the rubric of Written and Oral English-Language Conventions are very general:1.1 Demonstrate control of grammar,

diction, and paragraph and sentence structure and an understanding of English usage.

1.2 Produce legible work that shows accu-rate spelling and correct punctuation and capitalization.

In other words, by the twelfth grade, stu-dents should have mastery of written aca-demic language. However, when regularly admissible students in the upper third of their graduating classes take the English Placement Test for the CSU, approximate-ly half lack that mastery. Th ese materials attempt to address the prerequisite stan-dards as early as fourth grade, where two standards specify the ability to1.2 Combine short, related sentences

with appositives, participial phrases, adjectives, adverbs, and prepositional phrases.

1.4 Use parentheses, commas in direct quotations, and apostrophes in the

possessive case of nouns and in contrac-tions.

Students apparently innocent of any knowl-edge of these topics often enroll in college writing classes. It appears that in the eff ort to meet other standards, these topics may get short shrift. It’s also possible that, lack-ing systematic, contextualized instruction and accurate feedback, the students simply did not learn these skills. Or the students learned them in the grade where the skills received focused attention, but without consistent reinforcement in later grades, they quickly forgot what they had learned. Whatever the cause, it is safe to assume that many eleventh and twelfth graders will benefi t from renewed instruction—in the most principled way possible—so that when they enter college or begin working, the tools that writers depend upon are fresh in their minds.

Th e ultimate goal of using these materials is to make your students independent editors of their own writing. Th e classroom is a supportive environment where students can receive help in identifying their errors and practice crafting sentences in safety. Once your students leave the classroom, they will fi nd that employers and college faculty will not tolerate grammatical errors. Th e time for “picking up” the rules through expo-sure to written texts has run out by twelfth grade; the students need explicit instruction in grammar and usage. Th e fi rst semester of the ERWC is the perfect time to do this. Th e second semester then becomes the place where your students can be held account-able for applying independently what they have learned with mini-lessons and feed-back to guide them as needed. Th at way, when your students leave high school, they will be able to read critically, construct per-suasive arguments, and polish their writing at the sentence level so they communicate as eff ectively as possible.

A TEXT-BASED GRAMMAR FOR EXPOSITORY READING AND WRITING xiii

Guidelines for Teachers

For grammar instruction to be worthwhile, you must make stra-tegic decisions about what to teach

and how to teach it. Th e fi rst decision is which grammar topics to cover. Since your students have to read the texts that ac-company a particular assignment before or during the time they are moving through the linked grammar chapter, the sequence will be determined to some extent by the assignments the class is doing. At the same time, not all classes will benefi t from all the chapters. You will need to make judg-ments about your students’ grammatical competence. A classroom of students with less grammatical competence will benefi t most from the early chapters, which focus on sentence structure, noun forms and subject-verb agreement, sentence boundar-ies, and verbs. Students with higher levels

of competence will benefi t from the later chapters, which explore more deeply the interface between grammar and rhetoric, including the ways writers qualify their as-sertions, logically connect their ideas, add information to sentences, and incorporate the text of others into their writing.

Identifying Grammar Topics for a ClassEarly in the semester, ask your students to write an essay and then analyze the types of errors that are typical for the class as a whole. For example, the sample of student writing below is characterized by a pattern of noun errors, verb errors, and run-on sentences.

Note: Th e punctuation errors should be noted but may not indicate a pattern.

Patterns of Error: verb endings (verb); noun errors (noun); run-on sentences (sent).

Parents are the ones to be blamed for the obesity crisis that exist in the U.S. the

very popular saying “monkey see monkey do,” can be very helpful to understanding

how important it is for parents to be good roles models when it comes to a healthy

lifestyle. When children are born, they do not ask for a Happy Meal, they are ex-

posed to the growing world of fast food industries* through their parents. Parents

are the ones who should be responsible for whether or not their children are healthy.

Moreover, the eating habits that they children are accustom to are simply what the

verb sent.

sent.

noun

punct.

noun verb

xiv A TEXT-BASED GRAMMAR FOR EXPOSITORY READING AND WRITING

parents buy them. When children are young, they cannot afford Happy Meals at

McDonalds. The parents are the ones who buy fast food for their kids so why should

the fast food industries be blame for their lack of personal responsibility when it

come to their children’s health.

regularly have problems with run-ons and fragments, that area of grammar is controlled by a limited number of teach-able rules. Teaching about clause structure and how to join clauses so that they form complete sentences is both practical and likely to result in concrete improvement in student writing.

Deciding How to Use the MaterialsOnce you determine which topics to focus on, the next decision is how to use the grammar materials. Th e best way to keep grammar instruction from being sterile and boring is to go over the explanations in class in the form of mini-lessons, and then ask your students to work on the activities in pairs or small groups. Th e most important learning will occur as your students articulate their understanding of the rules in their own words and negotiate the answers among themselves and in con-sultation with you. In fact, some teachers ask their students to keep notecards on which they write their own versions of rules. Your students can then use the cards as personalized reference guides.

Approaching grammar in this way has multiple benefi ts. Mini-lessons of perhaps 10 minutes are brief enough not to be-come boring. Mini-lessons also ensure that instruction is spaced so students have time to process the new information. Following up immediately with an activity enables the students to cement what they have learned and clarify any confusion im-

If these are typical errors for most of the class, then you might choose to focus on identifying subjects, verbs, and clauses (Chapter One: Sentence Fundamentals for Expressing Ideas), repairing run-on sentences (Chapter Two: Sentence Prob-lems: Run-ons and Fragments), and verbs (Chapter Four: Verbs for Expository Writing). Even within a chapter, some preliminary activities may be unnecessary for students with a good foundation while the application activities may be benefi cial even for fairly advanced students.

General criteria for deciding which gram-matical errors merit class time include deciding how frequent the errors are, how serious they are, and how teachable the grammar points are. Preposition errors may occur throughout a piece of student writing, but prepositions are idiomatic. Th ey are lexical items that must be learned in connection with the other words that regularly go with them. For example, we say, “I rode in the car, but I fl ew on the plane.” No rule explains why one form of transportation requires the preposition “in” while a diff erent one requires “on.” Furthermore, dictionaries seldom provide clues, whether a student looks up the word “in” or the word “ride.” Th e best strategy is to treat the whole cluster of words (“to ride in) as a vocabulary item and ask your students to keep logs to assist in learning the words. Students can also refer to the logs when they are editing, since a rela-tively small number of preposition errors is likely to crop up in their writing repeat-edly. On the other hand, if your students

punct.

verb

verb

A TEXT-BASED GRAMMAR FOR EXPOSITORY READING AND WRITING xv

mediately. At the end of the day, you will walk out of the classroom without a stack of grammar exercises to correct, and your students will learn not to associate gram-mar with red check marks.

Th is is not to say that students should not be held accountable for learning, but the accountability comes when they edit their own writing. To ensure that the learn-ing transfers to your students’ writing, you will need to give focused feedback by identifying your students’ errors. (See the Appendix for a more thorough discussion of marking student writing for editing.)

Using labels consistently as you mark your students’ writing will help them locate their errors and understand that individual errors are often part of a larger pattern of errors that they can and should master. Once a topic has been covered, you should continue to hold your students responsible for correcting the error during the editing phase of writing. Th e fi nal grade on the paper, after revision and editing, should refl ect not only global issues such as content and organization but also control of grammar and conventions. Over the semester, you goal is to gradually make your students independent editors of their own writing. After a period of labeling errors, the next step might be underlining but not labeling. Later you can mark with a check in the margin. Finally, students need to be accountable for fi nding and correcting as many errors on their own as they can.

Separating the revision and editing pro-cesses is helpful for developing writers. Th at way, they can focus on developing their arguments, fi guring out how best to support them, and fi nding the best way to organize their essays without worrying about sentence-level grammar and conven-tions, and you can respond to those con-

cerns without stopping to label the errors. Th en, on a later draft, you and the writer can focus on sentence-level problems. Th is two-step process also sends a clear message to your students that the fi rst and most important phase of writing is fi nding out what they want to say. Once the fi rst draft is written, then it is time to focus on the individual sentences to make sure they ex-press the writer’s ideas in the best possible way. Th at’s the time for editing.

Developing New Grammar ActivitiesIf your students need instruction in sen-tence boundaries, but you want to teach an article from a recent news magazine or a short story from your literature text rather than the Going for the Look mod-ule, you can create grammar activities that are modeled on these. Not all texts, how-ever, work equally well in every situation. For example, a fairly informal opinion piece might lend itself to teaching modals and other qualifying methods because the writer is likely to make assertions and recommendations. A more literary, refl ec-tive essay might be better suited to teach-ing ways of incorporating information in sentences. A text written primarily in the present tense works well to teach subject-verb agreement, while a text that narrates an event in the past and makes observa-tions about that event can be used to give your students practice in choosing correct verb tenses and identifying time markers.

One of the richest sources of text for teachers to use to develop grammar activi-ties is the writing of their own students. Again, some advice. Once you have decided on your focus, don’t look for texts that contain a lot of that type of error. Instead, choose an essay that is particularly interesting or particularly well written so

xvi A TEXT-BASED GRAMMAR FOR EXPOSITORY READING AND WRITING

that it can be a model of good writing for your students. Th en create activities such as a cloze passage (where words are deleted and your students need to fi ll in the cor-rect form) or a sentence boundary activity (where you remove the end punctuation and ask the students to fi ll it in). If errors do occur in the text, correct them so that other students do not inadvertently learn incorrect forms.

Sentence correction activities based on your students’ own writing are useful also, but choose 10 sentences from 10 diff erent essays rather than 10 from one essay, or select short paragraphs from several essays.

Th at way no students will feel singled out. Again, correct any errors except for the error type you are teaching; this is not the place to worry about student ownership of their own writing. Instead, your goal is for your students to focus on a particular kind of error and how it can best be edited, not to be distracted by a variety of errors for which you may not have a ready explana-tion. Once you’ve created the sentences, ask your students to work in groups or as a class to edit them. You will be delighted by the students’ level of engagement when they know that they are working on their own and their classmates’ sentences.

FAST FOOD SENTENCE FUNDAMENTALS FOR EXPRESSING IDEAS | 1

CH

AP

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Chapter One

CHAPTER FOCUS: Sentence FundamentalsTh e goal for writers of academic essays is to construct sentences that communicate their messages clearly. Th ey try to focus their readers’ attention on the important ideas and convey information effi ciently and eff ectively. Th e focus of this chapter is on identifying the main elements of sentences: verbs, subjects, and clauses. You will be looking for these sentence elements in the context of the readings that make up the Fast Food module.

Exercise 1: Guided composition Th is exercise is based on David Zinczenko’s “Don’t Blame the Eater.”

Teaching focus: Th e purpose of this guided composition activity is to elicit a paragraph of student writing on the topic of fast food. Using these paragraphs, you can informally diagnose your students’ strengths and weaknesses in the area of sentence construction. At the end of the unit, the students will edit their paragraphs, applying what they have learned from the chapter. Your students will then compare their paragraphs with the original, paying particular attention to verbs, subjects, and sentence structure.

Directions to the Teacher 1. Instruct your students to listen as you read the following paragraph at a normal

rate of speed. Th en ask the students to take notes while you read the paragraph again; emphasize that the notes will be essential when they write their paragraphs. Alternatively, write a series of key words or phrases on the board to guide the students.

2. Ask your students to reconstruct what they heard using their notes or the key words. Th e students should compare what they have written with each other and make changes as necessary.

3. Collect the paragraphs at the end of the activity and save them. You will return them to your students to edit at the end of the chapter.

4. Discuss the “Noticing Language” sentences.

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Sentence Fundamentals for Expressing Ideas Th e exercises in Chapter One are based on the Fast Food module.

2 | SENTENCE FUNDAMENTALS FOR EXPRESSING IDEAS FAST FOOD

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Kids are suing McDonald’s for making them fat. People should take personal responsibility for their weight, but fast-food restaurants are often the only available option for an affordable meal. Because more children are obese, type 2 diabetes has increased in children by 25 percent. It’s hard to fi nd someplace to buy a grape-fruit although McDonald’s is on every corner. We also lack information about what we are consuming. Some fast-food restaurants provide calorie information, but even that information can be hard to understand. The fast-food industry is vulnerable. It is marketing products that are hazardous, yet no labels warn customers of the danger. If we don’t take action, we are going to see more sick, obese kids and more angry parents.

Noticing LanguageWhich of these sentences are complete? How do you know? 1. Kids are suing McDonald’s for making them fat.

2. Because more children are obese, type 2 diabetes has increased in children by 25 percent.

3. Although McDonald’s is on every corner.

4. The fast-food industry is vulnerable.

1.1 Finding Complete Verbs in SentencesEvery sentence in English must have at least one verb and one subject. When you identify the verb fi rst, it is much easier to fi nd the subject of the sentence. Th e verb in a sentence is always related to the subject. Th e subject usually appears in front of the verb. Since the verb expresses what the subject does or is, verbs either express

• Action (eat, stop, help, buy, make, do, gain, succeed) or• State of being (am/is/are/were, become, seem, look, appear, taste, sound, remain)• Mental states (know, think, feel, remember, believe)

If a verb consists of only one word, it is automatically the “main verb.” However, some-times the main verb has “helping verbs” that go along with it. Together with the main verb, they make up the “complete verb phrase.” It is possible to have more than one help-ing verb, so the verb phrase can be four to fi ve words long.

Main verb (if alone) = the complete verb

Helping/modal verbs + main verb = the complete verb phrase

Helping verbs: • Have/has • Do/does/did • Am/is/are/was/were

Modal verbs: • Will • Could • Be going to • May • Would • Ought to • Might • Should • Have to • Can


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(See Chapter Five for a more detailed discussion and practice with modals.)

Main verb: I exercise one hour every day.(Th ere is only one action verb in this sentence, so exercise is the complete verb.)

One helping/modal verb + main verb: I should exercise one hour every day.(Should is a helping verb, and exercise is the main verb. Together they make up the complete verb phrase.)

Th ree helping/modal verbs + main verb: I should have been exercising one hour every day.

(Should is a modal verb, and have and been are helping verbs that go with the main verb, exercising. Th us, should have been exercising is the complete verb phrase.)

Th e verb usually comes after the subject, but when the sentence is a question, the subject follows the verb or is inside the verb phrase. When the sentence is a command, the sub-ject is understood to be “you,” but only the verb appears in the sentence.

Statement: Kids are consuming too many calories.(Are consuming is the verb phrase; kids is the subject and comes before the verb.)

Question: Are kids consuming too many calories?(Th e verb phrase is still are consuming, but now the subject comes after the fi rst word of the phrase).

Negative Question: Aren’t kids consuming too many calories?(In this negative question, are consuming is still the verb phrase. Th e contraction -n’t, meaning “not,” is attached to the verb but is not part of the verb phrase.)

Command: Be responsible! Consume fewer calories.(Th e subject is understood to be you, but it is not written. Th e writer is ordering you to be responsible and to consume fewer calories. Th e verbs are be and consume.

Verbs Th at Act as Nouns and Verb Complements In addition to the words that make up the main verb phrase, sentences can contain verbs that act as nouns and verbs that follow the main verb and are its complement. Verb complements have several diff erent patterns. Diff erent verbs are followed by diff erent patterns, so you have to memorize them.

• -ing form of verb as (1) subject or (2) object of a preposition 1. Eating often at fast-food restaurants can lead to obesity. (Eating functions as a noun and is the subject of the sentence. It answers the

question, “What can lead to obesity?” Words with -ing endings can also be part of a main verb phrase: I have been eating in fast-food restaurants for years.)

2. Th e consequence of eating regularly at fast-food restaurants can be unwanted extra pounds.

(Eating functions as a noun and is the object of the preposition “of.”)


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• Verb patterns as complements to the main verb main verb + -ing verb

Americans continue eating hamburgers even though fast food is bad for them. (In this sentence, the gerund eating is the complement of the main verb

continue.) main verb + to + simple verb

Americans need to eat fewer hamburgers and more grapefruit. (To eat is an infi nitive. It functions as a noun and is the object of the main

verb need. You can see that “to eat” is a noun by comparing it with the sentence “I need a hamburger.” In both sentences, a noun answers the question, “What do I need?”)

main verb + noun/pronoun + simple verb

Negative publicity is making the fast-food industry change its ways. (Change is the complement to the main verb is making.)

Exercise 2: Identifying verbs and verb phrases Th is exercise is based on David Zinczenko’s “Don’t Blame the Eater.”

Directions: Double-underline the verbs and verb phrases in the following sentences. Remember that a verb phrase can have several words. 1. Kids started suing McDonald’s for making them fat.

2. I was a typical mid-1980s latchkey kid.

3. My mom always worked long hours to pay the monthly bills.

4. Fast-food restaurants were the only options for an American kid to get an affordable meal.

5. Then I got lucky.

6. But many kids have crossed under the Golden Arches to a lifetime of obesity.

7. Shouldn’t we know better than to eat every day at fast-food restaurants?

8. There are no calorie charts on fast-food wrappers.

9. The fast-food industry needs to provide nutritional information to its customers.

10. Without these warnings, we’ll see more sick children and angry parents.

Exercise 3: Identifying compound verbs and verb phrases Th is exercise is based on David Barboza’s “If You Pitch It, Th ey Will Eat.”

Directions: Double-underline the verbs and verb phrases in the following sentences and circle the coordinating word. Each sentence has a compound verb, which is two or more verbs joined by a coordinating word such as and, but, or or.


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1. Fast-food corporations own thousands of restaurants and put their trade-marks on dolls, games, and even theme parks.

2. Nutritionists call fast-food advertising a blitzkrieg and fear its contribution to childhood obesity.

3. Big foodmakers are fi nding every possible way to advertise and are spending more on advertising than ever.

4. They have used television for years but now are using movies, video games, and the Internet.

5. Lawyers are concerned about these marketing campaigns and are threaten-ing lawsuits.

6. Legislators want to lock fast food out of school cafeterias and are even considering a complete ban on advertising food to children.

1.2 Finding Subjects of SentencesIt is easier to recognize the subject or subjects of sentences when you fi nd the verb fi rst. Th e subject of the sentence usually

• Occurs before the verb• Tells who or what does the action or expresses the state of being or state of mind

What are the subjects in the following sentences?

Examples: • Fast-food marketing has existed for a long time. (Th e complete verb phrase is has existed. What has existed? Marketing. So

marketing is the subject of the sentence.)• Th e use of electronic media has transformed fast-food advertising. (Th e complete verb phrase is has transformed. What has transformed advertis-

ing? Th e use (of electronic media). Use is the subject of the sentence.) • Are fast-food restaurants using the Internet to attract customers? (Th e complete verb phrase is are using. Because this sentence is a question, the

subject comes after the fi rst word of the verb phrase. Who or what is using the Internet? Restaurants, so restaurants is the subject.)

Pronouns as SubjectsPronouns are words that replace nouns and noun phrases. Pronouns that can be subjects are I, you, he, she, it, we, and they.

Example: Restaurants use marketing to increase their profi ts. Th ey compete to make their food appeal to customers.

(Restaurants is the subject of the fi rst sentence. Th ey is a pronoun that replaces restaurants in the second sentence. We already know that we are talking about restaurants, so we don’t need to repeat the noun.)


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Exercise 4: Identifying subjects of sentencesTh is exercise is based on David Zinczenko’s “Don’t Blame the Eater.”

Directions: Go back to Exercise 2. You have already identifi ed the verbs and verb phrases in the sentences. Now underline the nouns or pronouns that are the subjects of those verbs. 1. Kids started suing McDonald’s for making them fat.

Compound Subjects Even a simple sentence can have more than one subject and more than one verb. When two subjects are joined by a coordinating word (usually and or or), we call them a com-pound subject.

What are the subjects in the following sentences? 1. Legislators and other critics want to reduce food advertisements aimed at

children. (Who wants to reduce food advertisements? Legislators and other critics, so

legislators and critics together make up the compound subject of this sentence.) 2. Movies, games, and school tie-ins are all used to market fast food. (What are used? Movies, games, and school tie-ins are the compound subject of

this sentence.)

Exercise 5: Identifying compound subjectsTh is exercise is based on David Barboza’s “If You Pitch It, Th ey Will Eat.”

Directions: Double-underline the verbs and verb phrases in the following sentences. Th en underline the subjects. Each sentence has a compound subject. 1. At one time a small hamburger and a bag of fries seemed like a full meal.

2. Oversized meals and oversized appetites are the results of consumer manipulation.

3. Fast-food advertising and low prices induce many of us to overeat.

4. Young, single males and other people like them accounted for 70 percent of sales at fast-food restaurants.

5. Twenty years ago, fast-food executives and marketing experts decided to focus on these “heavy users.”

6. More food and cheaper prices increased profi ts.

Eliminating Nouns Th at Are Not SubjectsIn some sentences, nouns in prepositional phrases can be confused with subjects. For this reason, it is easier to identify nouns that are subjects if you fi rst identify the prepositional


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phrases in sentences by putting parentheses around them. Remember that a prepositional phrase may contain one or more nouns or pronouns.

School districts (in New York and Los Angeles) have banned the sale (of sugary bever-ages and snacks) (in school vending machines).

(In and of are prepositions. Th e nouns that follow them cannot be subjects of the sentence. Once these possibilities have been eliminated, it is easy to see that school districts is the subject of this sentence.)

Chart 1.2Common Prepositions

One-word Prepositionsabout before down off toward(s)above behind during on underacross below for out untilafter beneath from over upagainst beside(s) in since uponalong between into through withamong beyond like throughout withinaround by near till withoutat despite of to

Two-word and Th ree-word Prepositions

according to as many as because of in place of such asacross from as much as by means of in spite of together withalong with as well as due to on account of instead ofapart from aside from in addition to subsequent to on top of

Note: When “to” is followed by a verb, it is an infi nitive. Do not confuse infi nitives with prepositional phrases. For example, in the sentence, “Th e schools decided to ban sodas,” the phrase “to ban” is an infi nitive, not a prepositional phrase.

Exercise 6: Identifying verbs, subjects, and prepositional phrasesTh is exercise is based on David Barboza’s “If You Pitch It, Th ey Will Eat.”

Directions: Review the list of common prepositions in Chart 1.2. Th en put parentheses around the prepositional phrases in the following sentences. Next, double-underline the verbs, and fi nally underline the subjects. Remember that -ing verbs can act as nouns in prepositional phrases. 1. Children are introduced early (in life) (to brand-name food) (in toy stores) and

(at school).

2. Soft-drink companies have “pouring rights” in hundreds of schools through-out the country.


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3. In their defense, companies say that they are not pouring their products down children’s throats.

4. More than 30 bills before state legislatures around the country will ban certain snacks and beverages from school vending machines.

5. Television, of course, remains the most powerful medium for selling to children.

6. The characters in children’s TV shows provide entertainment and promote products at the same time.

7. The programs have become advertising for the food, and the food has become advertising for the programs.

Tip for WritersTh e subject of a sentence is the focus of the sentence. Writers choose where they want their readers to focus, in part, by choosing what noun or pronoun to use as the subject. When the most important noun or pronoun in the sentence is not the subject, the writer is less able to communicate the importance of the idea. Choosing a diff erent noun or pronoun to be the subject is one way that writers can improve a sentence and get their message across more eff ectively to a reader.

Original sentence: Entertainment is provided and products are promoted at the same time by the characters in children’s TV shows.

Improved sentence: Th e characters in children’s TV shows provide entertainment and promote products at the same time.

(Th e focus is on the characters in TV shows and how they are used to sell prod-ucts. Th at focus is lost when entertainment and products are the subject and characters is placed in a prepositional phrase. See Chapter Five for more on passive verbs and sentence focus.)

Sometimes writers create incomplete sentences—fragments—because the most important noun or pronoun is in a prepositional phrase, and there is no other noun that serves as the subject. Make sure the word that is the focus of your sentence is also the subject.

Fragment: By the characters in children’s TV shows provide entertainment and promote products.

Complete sentence: Th e characters in children’s TV shows provide entertainment and promote products at the same time.

(See Chapter Two for more on sentence fragments and complete sentences.)


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Exercise 7: More practice identifying subjects and verbsTh is exercise is based on the guided composition in Exercise 1.

Directions: Double-underline the verbs and underline the subjects in the following sentences. 1. Kids are suing McDonald’s for making them fat.

2. People should take personal responsibility for their weight, but fast-food restaurants are often the only available option for an affordable meal.


4. It is hard to fi nd someplace to buy a grapefruit although McDonald’s is on every corner.

5. We also lack information about what we are consuming.

6. Some fast-food restaurants provide calorie information, but even that information can be hard to understand.


8. It is marketing products that are hazardous, yet no labels warn customers of the danger.

9. If we do not take action, we are going to see more sick, obese kids and more angry parents.

1.3 Recognizing Complete Ideas—Sentences and ClausesTh e following sentences are incomplete because they are missing an essential element, either the subject or the verb. Th erefore, the sentences do not express complete ideas. What is wrong with each one?

Incomplete sentences No subject No verb

1. Filed lawsuits against fast-food makers.(Who fi led the lawsuits?)

2. Th e folks in the fast-food industry.(What did the folks do?)

3. By a core group of heavy users.(What was done? And who did it?)

4. Having absolutely no interest in cooking for themselves.(Who had no interest? What did they do?)

5. Streamlining food production.(Streamlining does what?)


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ClausesTh ere are two types of clauses: each has a subject and a verb.

Main Clause Subordinate Clause

• Can stand alone as a sentence • Is a fragment; cannot stand alone as a sentence

• Expresses a complete thought • Does not express a complete thought (needs to be completed)

• Does not need any additional clauses • Must be attached to a main clause

• Does not begin with a subordinate word • Begins with a subordinate word (words like when, although, since)

Coordinating Words“Coordinate” means to work together. When two people coordinate a project, they both work equally hard. When two main clauses are coordinated, the two clauses work equally hard in the sentence.

Coordinating words are and, but, or, for, so, nor, and yet.

main clause main clauseExample: [Fast-food companies are focused on profi ts], and [they are continually trying to fi nd new ways to attract more customers.]

(Each of the clauses expresses a complete idea and could be a separate sentence, so they are main clauses. Th ey are joined by the coordinating word and to show that they are of equal importance.)

Subordinating Words“Subordinate” means someone or something is in a less important job or position. A clerk in an offi ce is a subordinate of the CEO of the company. A clause that is joined to a main clause by a subordinate word is in a lesser position than the main clause because its meaning is incomplete without the main clause.

Subordinating words are words such as because, if, who, since, unless, which, when, while, that, whenever, before, whose, even though, where, whom, although, as . . . as, and though.

main clause Example: Some critics have recommended banning fast food from schools because it subordinate clauseprobably contributes to the obesity epidemic.

(Th e fi rst clause expresses a complete idea, but the idea in the second clause is incom-plete. It is introduced by a subordinating word, because, so we call it a subordinate clause.)


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Sentences are made up of clauses.

Main clause: Schools should stop selling sodas.

Two or more main clauses can be connected with a coordinating word: Schools should stop selling sodas, but we should also teach children how to take responsibil-ity for what they eat.

One or more subordinate clauses may be connected to a main clause using subordinating words: Although schools should stop selling sodas, parents have the primary responsibility for making sure their children eat healthy food.

Th e ways in which writers combine clauses to form sentences enable them to express the logical relationships between the ideas that the clauses express.

Exercise 8: Identifying complete and incomplete ideasTh is exercise is based on Shannon Brownlee’s “It’s Portion Distortion Th at Makes America Fat.”

Directions: Write “main” if the clause is a sentence that expresses a complete idea. Write “sub” for “subordinate” if the clause is a fragment that is not a complete sentence and does not express a complete idea. Refer to the list of words above and circle the subordi-nate words.

1. Cheap food induced customers to eat more.

2. When fast-food restaurants cut prices.

3. While they saw an increase in customers.

4. Where young men ate most of their meals.

5. Afterward, they discovered super-sizing.

6. But price competition had grown extremely fi erce.

7. Soda costs less to produce than any drink except tap water.

8. Since a super-size meal provides 1,550 calories.

9. As much as an adult man should consume in a day.

10. If you put more food in front of people.

11. Where does it end?

12. The obvious direction is down.

Exercise 9: Identifying main and subordinate clausesTh is exercise is based on David Barboza’s “If You Pitch It, Th ey Will Eat.”

Directions: Th e following sentences have more than one clause. Put brackets ([ ]) around the clauses and label each clause “sub” or “main.” Circle the coordinating and subordinat-


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ing words. Th en underline the complete verb or verbs in each clause twice and subjects once.

sub main 1. [ Because McDonald’s wants to be everywhere], [it has plastered its golden

arches on Barbie dolls and video games].

(This is a complex sentence made up of one subordinate clause and one main clause. “Because” is a subordinating word.)

main main 2. [McDonald’s calls this brand extension], but [nutritionists call it a blitzkrieg].

(This is a compound sentence. It is two main clauses joined by but. But is a coordinating word.)

3. While companies view product tie-ins as harmless, lawyers are threatening lawsuits.

4. The problem of obesity is so staggering that we have to do something.

5. The vast majority is junk, and you seldom see fruits and vegetables market-ed.

6. Most big food companies deny the accusations although they have made some promises to offer healthier food.

7. They say that their commercials do not encourage overeating.

8. Companies take aim at children so energetically because it is so profi table.

9. Some schools have contracts to sell fast food, and others have special fast-food days.

1.4 Student Writing

Exercise 10: Editing sentences for missing subjects, verbs, and connecting wordsTh is exercise is based on a student essay on “Fast Food.”

Directions: Read the passage of student writing below. Th en edit it so sentences are com-plete (have both subjects and verbs) and are correctly connected. You should fi nd three missing subjects, two missing verbs, and three missing coordinating and subordinating words.

Parents ^ the best teachers for their children. They are in the best position to be role

models, they spend so much time with them. Everyone should recognize this simple

fact, but many parents do not understand their responsibility and neglect to teach

their children healthy eating habits. Parents take the easy way out, so the media and

fast food restaurants to teach their children what and how much to eat. Children

are


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imitate what their parents do. If children realize that their parents are constantly

taking them to fast food restaurants, will believe that eating fast food is a normal

thing. They old enough to buy their own food, will think fi rst of going to fast food

restaurants because their parents took them there. This doesn’t mean that parents

should never take their children to fast food restaurants for a treat, parents should

explain that, although tastes good, the food is very unhealthy. If parents don’t

explain this to their children, who else will do it?

Exercise 11: Editing your guided composition Directions to the Teacher 1. Use an overhead projector or computer to project the original guided composi-

tion paragraph and ask your students to read along as you read it out loud. 2. Th en project a student paragraph and discuss with the class the diff erences

between the original and the student paragraph (both paragraphs need to be projected simultaneously).

3. Return the student paragraphs and ask your students to edit based on what they’ve learned by doing the exercises in the chapter. Don’t give the students access to the original while they are doing this. Direct your students to make sure their sentences are complete (have both subjects and verbs) and to add any needed coordinating or subordinating words so they are correctly connected.

4. Ask your students to compare their edited versions with the original. 5. “Debrief ” by asking the students what they learned through the comparison and

what they can apply to their own writing.

Exercise 12: Editing your own writingDirections: Pick a paragraph from your essay about fast food.

• Double-underline the main verbs and underline the subjects.• Circle the subordinating words in the subordinating clauses. Also circle the coordi-

nating words.• Make sure the sentences are complete (have both subjects and verbs), and add any

needed coordinating or subordinating words. Make sure you have used a variety of connecting words.

• Put a question mark in the margin next to anything that you are unsure about.• Exchange your paragraph with a partner and discuss any questions you have.

Check with your teacher if you can’t agree on an answer.• Now edit the rest of your essay for missing subjects and verbs. Add needed coordi-

nating and subordinating words that will improve and vary your sentences.


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Answer Key

Exercise 1: Guided composition See Exercise 11 for sample student notes and a sample composition.

Noticing Language 1. The sentence tells us that someone is doing something: kids are suing. We

don’t have to know anything more.

2. The sentence tells us that something has increased—diabetes. We don’t have to know anything more although the sentence also tells us the reason—more children are obese.

3. This sentence is not complete. We want to know something more. What is happening even though there is a McDonald’s on every corner? The main part of the sentence is missing.

4. We know the topic of the sentence—the fast-food industry—and we know something about it—it is vulnerable. We don’t need to know anything more.

Exercise 2: Identifying verbs and verb phrases 1. started

2. was

3. worked

4. were

5. got

6. have crossed

7. should know

8. are

9. needs

10. will see

(Action verbs such as “start” usually have progressive forms—“he is starting.” “Being” verbs such as “is” and “seem” do not. We can’t say, “Chicken salad is seeming like a low-calorie alternative.”)

Exercise 3: Identifying compound verbs and verb phrases 1. own . . . and put

2. call . . . and fear

3. are fi nding . . . and are spending

4. have used . . . but . . . are using

5. are concerned . . . and are threatening

6. want . . . and are considering


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Exercise 4: Identifying subjects of sentences 1. People

2. I

3. mom

4. restaurants

5. I

6. kids

7. we

8. charts

(In “there is” and “there are” constructions, the subject follows the verb.) 9. industry

10. we

Exercise 5: Identifying compound subjects 1. hamburger . . . bag . . . seemed

2. meals . . . appetites are

3. advertising . . . prices induce

4. males . . . people . . . accounted for

(“Accounted for” is a two-word verb, so “for” is considered part of the verb. A single word like “comprise” could replace the two words.)

5. executives . . . . experts decided

6. food . . . prices increased

Exercise 6: Identifying verbs, subjects, and prepositional phrases 1. Children are introduced early (in life) (to brand-name food) (in toy stores) and

(at school).

2. Soft drink companies have “pouring rights” (in hundreds) (of schools) (throughout the country).

3. (In their defense), companies say that they are not pouring their products (down children’s throats).

4. More than 30 bills (before state legislatures) (around the country) will ban certain snacks and beverages (from school vending machines).

5. Television, (of course), remains the most powerful medium (for selling) (to children).

6. The characters (in children’s TV shows) provide entertainment and promote products (at the same time).

7. The programs have become advertising (for the food), and the food has be-come advertising (for the programs).


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Exercise 7: More practice identifying subjects and verbs 1. Kids are suing McDonald’s for making them fat.

2. People should take personal responsibility for their weight, but fast-food restaurants are often the only available option for an affordable meal.


4. It is hard to fi nd someplace to buy a grapefruit although McDonald’s is on every corner.

(“To fi nd” and “to buy” are infi nitives, not prepositional phrases.)

5. We also lack information about what we are consuming.

6. Some fast-food restaurants provide calorie information, but even that information can be hard to understand.


8. It is marketing products that are hazardous, yet no labels warn customers of the danger.

9. If we do not take action, we are going to see more sick, obese kids and more angry parents.

Exercise 8: Identifying complete and incomplete ideas 1. Main

2. Subordinate

3. Subordinate

4. Subordinate

5. Main

6. Main

7. Main

8. Subordinate

9. Subordinate

10. Subordinate

11. Main

12. Main

Exercise 9: Identifying main and subordinate clauses sub main 1. [ Because McDonald’s wants to be everywhere], [it has plastered its golden

arches on Barbie dolls and video games].

(Th is is a complex sentence made up of one subordinate clause and one main clause. “Because” is a subordinating word.)


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main main 2. [McDonald’s calls this brand extension], but [nutritionists call it a blitzkrieg].

(Th is is a compound sentence. It is two main clauses joined by “but.” “But” is a coordinating word.)

sub main 3. [ While companies view product tie-ins as harmless], [lawyers are threatening

lawsuits].

main sub 4. [The problem of obesity is so staggering] [ that we have to do something].

main main 5. [The vast majority is junk], and [you seldom see fruits and vegetables

marketed].

main sub 6. [Most big food companies deny the accusations] [ although they have made

some promises to offer healthier food].

main sub 7. [They say [ that their commercials do not encourage overeating]].

main sub 8. [Companies take aim at children so energetically] [ because it is so profi t-

able].

main main 9. Some schools have contracts to sell fast food], and [others have special fast-

food days].

Exercise 10: Editing sentences for missing subjects, verbs, and connect-ing words

areParents ^ the best teachers for their children. They are in the best position to be role

models because they spend so much time with them. Everyone should recognize

this simple fact, but many parents do not understand their responsibility and neglect

to teach their children healthy eating habits. Instead parents take the easy way

out, so the media and fast food restaurants get to teach their children what and how

much to eat. Children imitate what their parents do. If children realize that their

parents are constantly taking them to fast food restaurants, they will believe that

eating fast food is a normal thing. When they become old enough to buy their own

food, they will think fi rst of going to fast food restaurants because their parents

took them there. This doesn’t mean that parents should never take their children to

fast food restaurants for a treat, but parents should explain that, although it tastes

good, the food is very unhealthy. If parents don’t explain this to their children, who

else will do it?


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Exercise 11: Editing your guided composition

(Possible student notes)

• People are suing McD• People take personal responsibility• FFR are only options• More obese children & increase 25% type 2 diabetes• Hard to buy grapefruits; McD at every corner• Some FF provide calories but hard to understand• Marketing not label form• Take no action we’ll see

(Possible composition)

Kids are suing McDonalds for making them fat. Perhaps people should take personal responsibility for what they eat. Why would people eat healthy when fast food restraunts are the only options where there are available affordable meals. Now there are just more and more obese children with type 2 diabetes and overly increased 25%. Fast food is bad, but it also provides calory labels, but it may still be hard to understand. Unfortunately, if we don’t take action now we will see more obese kids and more angry parents.

21

Chapter Two

Sentence Problems: Run-ons and FragmentsTh e exercises in Chapter Two are based on the Going for the Look module.

CHAPTER FOCUS: Common Sentence Problems Th is chapter focuses on two common sentence problems: sentences that run together and sentences that are incomplete. Both problems can be confusing for readers. All activities in this chapter are based on Steven Greenhouse’s “Going for the Look.”

Exercise 1: Guided compositionTeaching focus: Th e purpose of this guided composition activity is to elicit a paragraph on the topic of “Going for the Look” that contains simple, compound, and complex sentences. Using these paragraphs, you can informally diagnose your students’ ability to create complete sentences while avoiding run-ons and fragments. At the end of the unit, your students will edit their paragraphs, applying what they have learned from the chap-ter. Th e students will then compare their paragraphs with the original, paying particular attention to sentence boundaries.


rate of speed. Th en ask your students to take notes while you read the paragraph again; emphasize that the notes will be essential when they write their paragraphs. Alternatively, write a series of key words or phrases on the board to guide the students.

2. Ask your students to reconstruct what they heard using their notes or the key words. Th e students should compare with each other what they have written and make changes as necessary.



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22 | SENTENCE PROBLEMS: RUN-ONS AND FRAGMENTS GOING FOR THE LOOK

Hiring a pretty and handsome sales force is a growing trend in American retailing. Stores want to hire workers to project an image. Some stores have been sued for discrimination. While it is not illegal to hire attractive people, it is illegal to discrimi-nate based on age, sex, or ethnicity. Some stores take pride in hiring for diversity. Others seem to hire only blond, blue-eyed, and pretty clerks. They say that hiring trendy young people is simply smart business. Whether it is legal and the right thing to do is a different question.

Noticing LanguageWhat is wrong with the following sentences? How do you know? 1. Hiring a pretty and handsome sales force.

2. Stores want to hire workers to project an image, some stores have been sued for discrimination.

3. Whether it is legal and the right thing to do.

2.1 Run-on SentencesA sentence must have a main clause with a subject and a verb. It may have more than one main clause (a compound sentence) or a main clause and one or more subordinate clauses (a complex sentence). A run-on sentence occurs when two sentences (two main clauses) are punctuated as though they form a single sentence. Th ere are two types of run-on sentences:

• Two sentences that are joined with no punctuation • Two sentences that are joined with only a comma

Both of these situations produce an error: a “run-on sentence.” Th e following sentences are examples of run-on sentences.

Hiring attractive people isn’t illegal discriminating is. (Two sentences are joined together without any punctuation between them.)Hiring attractive people isn’t illegal, discriminating is. (Two sentences are joined together with only a comma between them.)

Correcting Run-On Sentences 1. Make a separate sentence out of each main clause: Hiring attractive people isn’t illegal. Discriminating is. 2. Combine the clauses with a comma and a coordinating conjunction. Th is

method is useful when you have two ideas of equal importance and you want to show the relationship between them:

Hiring attractive people isn’t illegal , but discriminating is.

Coordinating conjunctions are and, for, yet, but, so, or, and nor.

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GOING FOR THE LOOK SENTENCE PROBLEMS: RUN-ONS AND FRAGMENTS | 23

3. Make one clause a subordinate clause. Th is is an eff ective way to solve the problem if one of the clauses is less important than the other.

Although hiring attractive people isn’t illegal, discriminating is. Common subordinating words are because, since, when, whenever, even though,

although, though, if, unless, while, before, where, as . . . as, who, which that, whose, and whom.

4. Combine the clauses with a semicolon (;). Th is method is eff ective when the two clauses are very closely related and you don’t want to break them up with another word. Be careful to use semicolons only when the ideas are closely related; don’t use them simply as an alternative to periods.

Hiring attractive people isn’t illegal ; discriminating is. 5. Combine the clauses with a semicolon and a transition word followed by a

comma. Th is method is also useful when you have two equally important ideas, and you want to show their logical relationship.

Hiring attractive people isn’t illegal ; however, discriminating is. Common transition words are therefore, thus, however, nevertheless,

furthermore, consequently, and then.

(See Chapter Six, Chart 6.3A, for a more complete list of words that connect ideas.)

Exercise 2: Correcting run-on sentencesDirections: Fix the following run-on sentences using the methods outlined above. Choose the most appropriate method to fi x each error. 1. We have the best-looking college kids working in our store, everyone will

want to shop there.Because we have the best-looking college kids working in our store, everyone will want to shop there.

2. Company offi cials have an aggressive approach to building their sales force they proudly acknowledge that they hire for looks.

3. Many companies have taken the approach to sophisticated new heights they hire workers to project an image.

4. We want to appeal to college students we concentrate our hiring on certain colleges, fraternities, and sororities.

5. A few managers have objected to hiring inexperienced workers they have been forced to quit.

6. Brand representatives are ambassadors to the brand consumers see them and want to buy the clothes they are wearing.

7. The main focus needs to be on hiring someone who can get the job done projecting an image should not be the focus.

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Correcting Run-On Sentences with Pronoun SubjectsSometimes run-on sentences occur because the writer does not recognize that pronouns, especially the personal pronoun it, and demonstrative pronouns (such as that, these, and those) can be the subjects of sentences.

Incorrect:

Lawsuits have been fi led about Abercrombie and Fitch’s hiring practices, these may cross over the line and discriminate against minority applicants. (Th is sentence is a run-on because the second clause is also a main clause. Its subject is the pronoun these, which refers to practices in the fi rst clause.) Correct:

Lawsuits have been fi led about Abercrombie and Fitch’s hiring practices; these may cross over the line and discriminate against minority applicants. (Join the two main clauses with a semicolon.)Lawsuits have been fi led about Abercrombie and Fitch’s hiring practices because these may cross over the line and discriminate against minority applicants. (Join them with because since the lawsuits are the result of the practices.) Lawsuits have been fi led about Abercrombie and Fitch’s hiring practices. Th ese may cross over the line and discriminate against minority applicants. (Punctuate as separate sentences.)

Exercise 3: Correcting run-on sentences with pronoun subjectsDirections: Underline any pronoun that is a subject in these sentences. Th en correct the following run-on sentences using a diff erent option for each sentence. 1. Elizabeth Nil has been offered jobs at Abercrombie’s three times, that’s what

happens because she looks like an Abercrombie model.

Elizabeth Nil has been offered jobs at Abercrombie’s three times. That’s what happens because she looks like an Abercrombie model. 2. Abercrombie’s approach to hiring is aggressive, it’s a growing trend in retail-

ing.

3. Companies are openly seeking workers who are good-looking, they are the ones who can best promote the store’s clothing.

4. The companies have been skirting the edges of antidiscrimination laws these prohibit discriminating based on race, national origin, gender, age, and disability.

5. Abercrombie’s denies that it discriminates, it simply concentrates on hiring at certain colleges, fraternities, and sororities.

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2.2 Student Writing

Exercise 4: Editing run-on sentences in student writingTh is exercise is based on a student essay on “Going for the Look.”

Directions: Edit by adding punctuation and capital letters or connecting words where needed.

Today’s society, especially in the fashion sector, is driven by trends, what’s in style

today can be fashion suicide by next week. Everyone is concerned with being part

of the “in-crowd,” being hip, and being accepted. In high schools throughout the

nation, you can walk around and see the groups of kids, all dressed alike and even

acting the same way then if you look hard enough, you will notice that each of these

groups has a leader that the rest can rely on to tell them what is cool, what clothes

and styles are in, and what is socially acceptable.

If a person sees a good-looking, confi dent store attendant, the customer will want

to emulate them today’s store managers are insisting on hiring good-looking em-

ployees. It has become necessary in today’s market to represent your product as

socially acceptable and even capable of raising the customer up a rung on the

social ladder, the evidence shows that this works Abercrombie and Fitch, who pride

themselves on hiring sales representatives who are fashionable and good-looking, is

now one of the leading retailers in the nation.

2.3 Correcting Sentence FragmentsEvery sentence must have a subject and a verb and express a complete thought. A sentence that lacks a subject or a verb or does not express a complete thought is a fragment.

Common types of fragments Example

Subordinate clause fragments Because they want to project an image.

-ing fragments Hiring pretty and handsome sales associates.

Added detail fragments Which can lead to discrimination.

Missing subject fragments In retail sales, can serve as a brand ambassador.

Subordinate Clause FragmentsA clause that begins with a subordinating word such as when, because, although, while, or if cannot stand on its own as a sentence. It must be attached to a main clause so it is part of a complete sentence.

Incorrect: Even though hiring attractive people is not illegal. Discrimination is. (“Even though” is a subordinating phrase that introduces a subordinate clause. Th e subordinate clause forms a fragment unless it is joined to a main clause.)

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Correct: Even though hiring attractive people is not illegal, discrimination is.

Punctuation note: If the subordinate clause comes at the beginning of the sentence, use a comma before the main part of the sentence. You do not usually need to use a comma if the subordinate clause comes after the main clause.

Exercise 5: Correcting subordinate clause fragments Directions: Underline the subordinate clauses in each selection. Th en correct the fragments by attaching them to the appropriate sentence. Use correct punctuation and capitals. 1. Although the company says it does not discriminate. Some of its Hispanic,

Asian, and black job applicants maintained otherwise. They said they were not allowed to work on the sales fl oor.

Although the company says it does not discriminate, some of its Hispanic, Asian, and black job applicants maintained otherwise. 2. Legal issues are involved. Businesses run the risk of discriminating. When

they start hiring based on looks or gender. They need to focus instead on hiring people who can get the job done.

3. But some people think that companies should be able to hire to promote their image. If customers see an attractive person wearing the store’s brand. They want to buy it too.

4. Stores are businesses. When it comes to making a profi t. Stores have to think about the bottom line.

Correcting -ing and to FragmentsWhen an -ing word or a to phrase appears at or near the start of a word group, a fragment may result. To correct these fragments, you can sometimes add the fragment to a complete sentence.

Incorrect: Hiring people who can be “brand enhancers.” Th at is necessary and smart. (“Hiring” is a noun formed from the verb “hire.” It is a subject and needs to be connected to the sentence that follows, which provides the verb “is.” Eliminate “that” because it refers to “hiring.”)Correct: Hiring people who can be “brand enhancers” is necessary and smart.

Incorrect: Th e human resources manager spent two weeks. Trying to fi nd the best person for the job. (“Trying” is a verbal adjective formed from the verb “try.” It needs to be joined to the sentence that comes before since it completes the verb “spent.”) Correct: Th e human resources manager spent two weeks trying to fi nd the best person for the job.

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Incorrect: Restaurants sometimes adopt a young, trendy look. To attract customers. (To attract is an infi nitive. It must be connected to a sentence with a subject and verb.)Correct: Restaurants sometimes adopt a young, trendy look to attract customers.

Exercise 6: Correcting -ing and to fragmentsDirections: Underline the fragments in the following items. Rewrite the sentences to eliminate any fragments. 1. Wanting to increase sales, store managers were told. To recruit people with

pretty faces.

Wanting to increase sales, store managers were told to recruit people with pretty faces.

or

Store managers, wanting to increase sales, were told to recruit people with pretty faces. 2. Having the best-looking college kids working in the store. That would make

everyone want to shop there.

3. To try to sell more merchandise. Stores require attractive sales associates to project their brand with energy and enthusiasm.

4. Experts say there is a growing trend. To hire workers who are sexy, sleek, or simply good-looking.

5. Hiring for looks. That has caused some companies to end up facing lawsuits.

6. Hiring for looks is necessary and smart. At least according to retailers.

Correcting Added Information FragmentsAdded information fragments lack a subject and a verb. Th ey usually add a detail to the preceding sentence and often begin with one of the following words.

• such as • including • except • for example • especially

You can correct an added detail fragment by attaching the fragment to the complete sentence preceding or following it.

Incorrect: Th e company uses an aggressive approach. For example, recruiting attractive customers as they shop.Correct: Th e company uses an aggressive approach; for example, recruiting attractive customers as they shop.

You can embed the fragment in the preceding sentence, changing words as necessary.Incorrect: Th ey recruited employees based on looks, not on retail experience. Includ-ing some of the most popular stores.

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Correct: Stores, including some of the most popular ones, recruited employees based on looks, not on retail experience.

You can add a subject, a verb, or both to the fragment to make it a complete sentence.Incorrect: Image seemed very much in evidence at Water Tower Place. One of Chicago’s most upscale malls, attracting a trendy crowd.Correct: Image seemed very much in evidence at Water Tower Place. It is one of Chicago’s most upscale malls and attracts a trendy crowd.

Sometimes a subordinate clause with a subject and verb follows a noun that is part of the added information. A fragment is still the result.

Incorrect: Th e company uses an aggressive approach. An eff ort that offi cials proudly acknowledge. (Th e added information is not part of a main clause. It needs to be joined to the preceding sentence.)Correct: Th e company uses an aggressive approach, an eff ort that offi cials proudly acknowledge.

Punctuation note: If the added information follows the main clause, you will usually need to use a comma at the end of the main clause.

Exercise 7: Correcting added information fragmentsDirections: Underline the fragment in each of the following items. Use one of the techniques described above to eliminate the fragments. (You should be able to use one of each.) 1. Some chain stores have been accused of discriminating. By race, by age,

and by gender. The accusations have provoked a wave of lawsuits.

2. Some stores have hired employees to project their image. Especially high-end retailers. They believe they need to hire for looks in order to be competitive.

3. Some businesses have gone too far. For example, a hotel chain that ordered managers to hire trendier workers.

Correcting Missing Subject FragmentsIn this type of fragment, the sentence is missing a subject. To correct the fragment, you can attach the fragment to the preceding sentence (if the verb goes with the subject of the preceding sentence).

Incorrect: Th e director denied discriminating. But admitted that the company liked to hire people who “looked great.”Correct: Th e director denied discriminating but admitted that the company liked to hire people who “looked great.”

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You can add a subject to the fragment.Correct: Th e director denied discriminating, but he admitted that the company liked to hire people who “looked great.”

Exercise 8: Correcting missing subject fragmentsDirections: Underline the fragment in each of the following items. Use one of the tech-niques described above to make complete sentences. (You should be able to use both.) 1. Employees who don’t fi t “the look” have been assigned to back rooms.

However, are asserting their rights and fi ling lawsuits.

2. Some young men say that they like to go to stores that hire good-looking gals. And see nothing wrong with hiring for looks.

3. Stores have to change their hiring practices. And focus on competence instead of appearance.

2.4 Student Writing

Exercise 9: Correcting run-ons and fragments in student writingTh is exercise is based on a student essay on “Going for the Look.”

Directions: Underline the fragments and correct the run-on sentences and fragments in the following student writing. If you wish to rewrite an entire sentence, put an asterisk at the beginning of the sentence and then rewrite it at the end of the selection.

Hiring for looks is a very sad trend in society, in today’s world more than any other

time before, sex is pushed on youth. It is nearly impossible to watch a movie or

listen to a song. Without seeing or hearing some reference to sex. Casual sex is

portrayed as ok, appearing sexy is portrayed as necessary. This focus on sexiness

has led people to be very superfi cial. Too many people base their fi rst impression,

and often their entire opinion of a person. On how they look. Few people have the

drive anymore. To get to know a person’s personality and the depths of their mind

before making a judgment.

This superfi ciality ties back to hiring policy people see a sexy person in a store.

And automatically make the assumption that they are perfect. Then, because these

beautiful people work in the store. Customers leap to the conclusion that its prod-

ucts must be the reason for their perfection. We need to erase this “fact of life.” If

we decide that it isn’t necessary to look perfect to be accepted, then stores won’t

have to hire based on looks to make sales. The change begins with us, we need to

care about the real person inside. Not simply the skin-deep outer shell.

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Exercise 10: Editing your guided compositionDirections to the Teacher 1. Use an overhead projector or computer to project the original guided composi-



3. Return the student paragraphs and ask your students to edit based on what they’ve learned by doing the exercises in the chapter. Don’t give them access to the original while they are doing this. Direct them to make sure their sentences are complete and correctly punctuated.

4. Ask your students to compare their edited versions with the original. 5. “Debrief ” by asking your students what they learned through the comparison and


Exercise 11: Editing your own writing Directions: Choose a paragraph from your essay about “Going for the Look.” Underline the fragments and correct the fragments and run-on sentences.

• Put a question mark in the margin next to any sentences that you are unsure about. • Exchange your paragraph with a partner and discuss the errors. Check with your

teacher if you can’t agree on an answer. • Now edit the rest of your essay for sentence run-ons and fragments.

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Answer Key

Noticing Language 1. This isn’t a complete sentence. We want to know something about hiring a

pretty and handsome sales force.

2. This is really two sentences. It expresses two complete ideas and has two subjects and two verbs (“stores want” and “stores have been sued”). It either needs to be punctuated as two sentences with a period after “image,” or the two ideas need to be connected (for example, with the word “but”).

3. This isn’t a complete sentence. The main part of the sentence is missing. Even though it has a subject (“it”) and a verb (“is”), it doesn’t express a complete idea.

Exercise 2: Correcting run-on sentences(Possible responses)

1. Because we have the best-looking college kids working in our store, everyone will want to shop there.

2. Company offi cials have an aggressive approach to building their sales force , and they proudly acknowledge that they hire for looks.

3. Many companies have taken the approach to sophisticated new heights when they hire workers to project an image.

4. We want to appeal to college students ; therefore, we concen-trate our hiring at certain colleges, fraternities, and sororities.

5. A few managers have objected to hiring inexperienced workers; however, they have been forced to quit.

6. Brand representatives are ambassadors to the brand; consumers see them and want to buy the clothes they are wearing.

7. The main focus needs to be on hiring someone who can get the job done. Projecting an image should not be the focus.

Exercise 3: Correcting run-on sentences with pronoun subjects

1. Elizabeth Nil has been offered jobs at Abercrombie’s three times. That’s what happens because she looks like an Abercrombie model.

2. Abercrombie’s approach to hiring is aggressive , and it’s a grow-ing trend in retailing.

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3. Companies are openly seeking workers who are good-look-ing since they are the ones who can best promote the store’s clothing.

(Th e comma should be deleted since the subordinate clause follows the main clause.)

4. The companies have been skirting the edges of antidiscrimination laws, which prohibit discriminating based on race, national origin, gender, age, and disability.

5. Abercrombie’s denies that it discriminates; it simply concen-trates on hiring at certain colleges, fraternities, and sororities.

Exercise 4: Identifying run-on sentences in student writing

Today’s society, especially in the fashion sector, is driven by trends ; what’s in style

today can be fashion suicide by next week. Everyone is concerned with being part

of the “in-crowd,” being hip, and being accepted. In high schools throughout the

nation, you can walk around and see the groups of kids, all dressed alike and even

acting the same way . T hen, if you look hard enough, you will notice that each of

these groups has a leader that the rest can rely on to tell them what is cool, what

clothes and styles are in, and what is socially acceptable.

If a person sees a good-looking, confi dent store attendant, the customer will want

to emulate them ; therefore, today’s store managers are insisting on hiring good-

looking employees. It has become necessary in today’s market to represent your

product as socially acceptable and even capable of raising the customer up a rung

on the social ladder . T he evidence shows that this works . Abercrombie and Fitch,

who pride themselves on hiring sales representatives who are fashionable and

good-looking, is now one of the leading retailers in the nation.

Exercise 5: Subordinate clause fragments 1. Although the company says it does not discriminate, some of its Hispanic,

Asian, and black job applicants maintained otherwise. They said they were not allowed to work on the sales fl oor.

2. Legal issues are involved. Businesses run the risk of discriminating when they start hiring based on looks or gender. They need to focus instead on hiring people who can get the job done.

(Th ere is no comma because the subordinate clause follows the main clause.)

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3. But some people think that companies should be able to hire to promote their image. If customers see an attractive person wearing the store’s brand, they want to buy it too.

(A sentence can begin with a coordinating word such as “but” in all but very formal writing. Beginning a sentence with a coordinating word never creates a fragment.)

4. Stores are businesses when it comes to making a profi t. Stores have to think about the bottom line.

(Th ere is no comma because the subordinate clause follows the main clause. Note the use of the indefi nite “it” in the idiom “when it comes to [something].” Th is phrase means “with respect to [something].”)

or

Stores are businesses. When it comes to making a profi t, stores have to think about the bottom line.

Exercise 6: -ing and to fragments 1. Wanting to increase sales, store managers were told to recruit

people with a pretty face. 2. Having the best-looking college kids working in the store would

make everyone want to shop there. 3. To try to sell more merchandise, stores require attractive sales

associates to project their brand with energy and enthusiasm. 4. Experts say there is a growing trend to hire workers who are

sexy, sleek, or simply good-looking. 5. Hiring for looks has caused some companies to end up facing

lawsuits. 6. At least according to retailers, hiring for looks is necessary

and smart.

Exercise 7: Correcting added detail fragments 1. Some chain stores have been accused of discriminating by race,

by age, and by gender. The accusations have provoked a wave of lawsuits. (Attach the fragment. We simply connected the fragment to the sentence that preceded it.)

2. Some stores, especially high-end retailers, have hired employees to project their image. They believe they need to hire for looks in order to be competitive.

(Embed the fragment. Th e fragment has to be inserted next to the word that it modifi es to avoid a dangling modifi er.)

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3. Some businesses have gone too far. For example, a hotel chain ordered managers to hire trendier workers.

(Make a new sentence. In this case, we could make a new sentence by removing the subordinate word “that”.)

Exercise 8: Correcting missing subject fragments 1. Employees who don’t fi t “the look” have been assigned to back

rooms; however, they are asserting their rights and fi ling law-suits.

2. Some young men say that they like to go to stores that hire good-looking gals. They see nothing wrong with hiring for looks.

3. Stores have to change their hiring practices and focus on competence instead of appearance.

Exercise 9: Correcting run-ons and fragments in student writing

Hiring for looks is a very sad trend in society . In today’s world more than any other

time before, sex is pushed on youth. It is nearly impossible to watch a movie or

listen to a song without seeing or hearing some reference to sex. Casual sex is por-

trayed as ok; appearing sexy is portrayed as necessary. This focus on sexiness has

led people to be very superfi cial. Too many people base their fi rst impression, and

often their entire opinion of a person, on how they look. Few people have the drive

anymore to get to know a person’s personality and the depths of their mind before

making a judgment.

This superfi ciality ties back to hiring policy because people see a sexy person in a

store and automatically make the assumption that they are perfect. Then, because

these beautiful people work in the store, customers leap to the conclusion that its

products must be the reason for their perfection. We need to erase this “fact of life.”

If we decide that it isn’t necessary to look perfect to be accepted, then stores won’t

have to hire based on looks to make sales. The change begins with us. We need to

care about the real person inside, not simply the skin-deep outer shell.

35

Chapter Th ree

Noun Forms and Subject-Verb AgreementTh e exercises in Chapter Th ree are based on the Rhetoric of the Op-Ed Page module.

CHAPTER FOCUS: Forming Nouns and Making Th em Agree with VerbsNouns refer to people, animals, places, or abstract ideas. Th ey are the subjects and objects of verbs, and together with verbs they make up sentences. Th ey are also the objects of prepositions and can be modifi ed by adjectives and used with determiners. Without nouns, we could not express our ideas. Th e more precise we are in choosing the nouns we use, the clearer and more eff ective our writing will be.

When nouns or pronouns are used as subjects of sentences, they must agree with the main verb of the sentence. In other words, if the subject is singular, the verb must be singular; if the subject is plural, the verb must be plural. Th is can be tricky if the subject is separate from the verb or if it is not obvious whether the subject is singular or plural. Th is chapter, which is based on the Rhetoric of the Op-Ed Page module, will help clarify how singular and plural nouns are formed and how to make sure subjects and verbs agree.

Exercise 1: Guided composition Th is exercise is based on John Edlund’s “Th ree Ways to Persuade.”

Teaching focus: Th e purpose of this guided composition activity is to elicit a paragraph of student writing on the “Th ree Ways to Persuade” article. Using these paragraphs, you can informally diagnose your students’ strengths and weaknesses in the areas of noun formation and subject-verb agreement. At the end of the unit, the students will edit their paragraphs, applying what they have learned from the chapter. Th e students will then compare their paragraphs with the original, paying particular attention to nouns and subject-verb agreement.

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36 | NOUN FORMS AND SUBJECT-VERB AGREEMENT RHETORIC OF THE OP-ED PAGE


rate of speed. Th en ask the students to take notes while you read the paragraph again; emphasize that the notes will be essential when they write their paragraphs. Alternatively, write a series of key words or phrases on the board to guide your students.



4. Discuss the “Noticing Language” sentence.

Over 2,000 years ago, the Greek philosopher Aristotle argued that there were three

basic ways to persuade an audience. One way to convince an audience is through

the character or image that the writer projects. Another way is through the use of

logical arguments. Writers can also appeal to our emotions. Advertisers and politi-

cians still use these appeals today. A politician often questions the character and

values of an opponent. Advertisers frequently appeal to our desire to be attractive

to the opposite sex. Recognizing these appeals helps us decide if we agree with an

argument.

Noticing LanguageWhat is wrong with these sentences? How do you know? 1. Aristotle argued that there was three basic ways to persuade an audience.

2. Another ways is through the use of logical argument.

3. A politician often question the character and values of an opponent.

4. Recognizing these appeals help us decide if we agree with an argument.

3.1 Nouns

Singular and Plural Forms of NounsNouns can be written to show whether they refer to one thing and are therefore singular or whether they refer to more than one thing and are plural. Most plural nouns end with -s, but some nouns are irregular. Th eir plurals are formed in diff erent ways.

ax axeschurch churcheschild children

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RHETORIC OF THE OP-ED PAGE NOUN FORMS AND SUBJECT-VERB AGREEMENT | 37

A proper noun is the name of a particular person, place, or thing. Proper nouns are capitalized.

Jeremy Rifkin Koko Burger KingWashington National Zoo Pennsylvania U.S.

In conversation we can usually tell from context if a noun is singular or plural, so having the correct ending is often not essential. In writing, however, correctly forming nouns to indicate singular or plural is very important. You should make sure that the words you use agree in number with the verb and with other elements of the sentence.

Some common singular words and phrases

Noun phrases Possessives Refl exive pronounseveryone his himself (never “hisself ”)everybody her herselfno one itsanyonesomeoneone of the peopleattacking each studentrhetoricTh e United Statesa group of students

Verbs that go with singular nounsiswashasruns, writes, uses (note the -s ending on verbs for singular subjects)

Some common plural words and phrases

Noun phrases Possessive adjectives Refl exive pronounspeople their themselves (never “theirselves,”women “theirself,” or “themself ”)some of the scientists most of the peoplea lot of studentsspeaking and writing

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Exercise 2: Identifying singular and plural nounsTh is exercise is based on John Edlund’s “Th ree Ways to Persuade.”

Directions: Underline the nouns in the following sentences from the guided composi-tion. Label the nouns “sing” for singular or “pl” for plural. pl sing sing 1. Over 2,000 years ago, the Greek philosopher Aristotle argued that there were pl sing three basic ways to persuade an audience.

2. One way to convince an audience is through the character or image that the writer projects.

3. Another way is through the use of logical arguments.

4. Writers can also appeal to our emotions.

5. Advertisers and politicians still use these appeals today.

6. A politician often questions the character and values of an opponent.

7. Advertisers frequently appeal to our desire to be attractive to the opposite sex.

8. Recognizing these appeals helps us decide if we agree with an argument.

Count nouns and non-count nounsAnother category of nouns only occur in the singular. Th ese are called non-count nouns because they cannot be counted. Th ey include mass nouns that can’t be separated into parts and abstract nouns that refer to ideas.

sugar sugarsmilk milksdirt dirtsanger angersdiscrimination discriminationsknowledge knowledges

Abstract non-count nouns are very important in expository writing since abstract ideas are at the heart of constructing arguments. All the words in bold below are non-count nouns.

Persuasion involves convincing people to accept our assumptions. Th e health and well-being of animals depend on their emotional state.Politics is another arena where ethos is an important factor.Logic and rationality are highly valued in our society.

Some nouns can be both count and non-count nouns depending on their meaning.

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Artistotle argues that we will believe someone with good moral character.

(Character is non-count when it means someone’s moral qualities.)Th e characters in the new James Bond movie are more complex than in the earlier movies. (Character is a count noun when it refers to a role in a play or movie.)

Exercise 3: Identifying count and non-count nounsTh is exercise is based on John Edlund’s “Th ree Ways to Persuade.”

Directions: Go to the section of “Th ree Ways to Persuade” called “Pathos: Th e Emotions of the Audience.” Find fi ve examples of count nouns and fi ve non-count nouns. Put a question mark by any that you are not sure about. Th en compare your list with a part-ner’s.

Count Nouns Non-Count Nouns

1. 1.2. 2.3. 3.4. 4.5. 5.

Nouns and DeterminersDeterminers (which are italicized below) are used with nouns to limit meaning in some way:

Articles: A quieter story has been unfolding behind the scenes around the world.

Demonstratives: Th ese researchers are fi nding that animals are a lot like us.

Possessives: In studying pigs, scientists have found that their behavior is a lot like our behavior.

Quantifi ers: Some philosophers have argued that animals are not self-aware.

Numerals: Two New Caledonian crows were able to use tools and even create them.

“Number of” is used with count nouns: A large number of pigs were studied.“Amount of” is used with non-count nouns: A large amount of time was used to study them.

“Fewer” is used with count nouns: Fewer pigs will suff er if they have human contact.“Less” is used with non-count nouns: Less human contact means more depressed pigs.

“Little” is used before non-count nouns: People used to have little sympathy for animals.“Few” is used before count nouns: Few scientists studied animal feelings.

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Exercise 4: Words that go with singular and plural nounsTh is exercise is based on Jeremy Rifkin’s “A Change of Heart about Animals.”

Directions: Circle the correct word or words by deciding if they should be plural or singular. 1. No one should assume their/his or her position on the treatment of animals

is shared by others.

2. One fast-food company has funded their/its own research about animals’ emotions.

3. Farmers must spend 20 seconds with each of their/his or her pigs each day.

4. A large amount/number of advertisements try to make us feel insecure about our appearance.

5. Some people haven’t considered their/his or her responsibility to animals.

6. We sometimes wish politicians would use less/fewer rhetoric and take more action to solve problems.

7. Scientists used to believe that only people felt grief when their/his or her loved ones died.

3.2 Subject-Verb AgreementTh e basic rule of subject-verb agreement is that if the subject is singular, the verb should be singular; if the subject is plural, the verb should also be plural. Although it is usually natural to make subjects and verbs agree, if the subject is separated from the verb by other words or if there is more than one subject, it is more diffi cult.

Verb forms that need to agreePresent tense: Scientists study whether animals feel emotions.Present perfect tense: Some people have argued that animals have rights.Helping verbs: Does an elephant feel grief for a dead mate?Main verb to be: Daily play is essential for happy pigs.

Pay particular attention when you have the following situations.

If two or more subjects are joined by the conjunctions and, or, or nor, the conjunction determines if you use a singular or a plural verb.

• When the subject of a sentence is composed of two or more nouns or pronouns connected by and, use a plural verb.

Incorrect: Anger and pity is powerful emotions. Correct: Anger and pity are powerful emotions.• When the subject of a sentence is composed of two or more singular nouns or

pronouns connected by or or nor, use a singular verb.

Incorrect: Either anger or pity are an emotion that can cause us to take action.

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Correct: Either anger or pity is an emotion that can cause us to take action.• When the subject of a sentence is composed of a singular and a plural noun

connected by or or nor, the noun closest to the verb determines whether it is singu-lar or plural.

Incorrect: In the commercial, neither the doctor nor the advertisers is being completely honest.

Correct: In the commercial, neither the doctor nor the advertisers are being completely honest.

If the subject and the verb are separated by a phrase or clause, make sure that the verb still agrees with the true subject of the sentence—not with a noun or pronoun in the phrase or clause.

Examples• One of the philosophers is (“philosophers” is not the subject)• Th e people who understand rhetoric are (“rhetoric” is not the subject)• Th e farmer, as well as his neighbors, is (“neighbors” is not the subject)• Th e farmer with all the pigs is playing (“pigs” is not the subject)

Some words that might sound plural are actually singular and take a singular verb. Th ese words are each, each one, either, neither, everyone, everybody, anybody, anyone, nobody, somebody, someone, and no one.

Examples• Each of these animals is • Either of the philosophers is• Everyone is

(“Everyone” seems plural, but the verb agrees with “one,” which is singular.)

In sentences beginning with “there is” or “there are,” be aware that “there” is not the true subject. Th erefore, the verb has to agree with the noun that follows the verb.

Examples• Th ere are many arguments• Th ere is an argument

Exercise 5: Correcting subject-verb agreement errorsTh is exercise is based on John Edlund’s “Th ree Ways to Persuade.”

Directions: Double-underline the verb and underline the subject in these sentences. Write “sing” for singular or “pl” for plural over the subject. Th en correct the subject-verb agreement problems. Note: All verbs should be in the present tense. When you are fi nished, compare your answers with a partner. If you are not sure about a sentence, ask your teacher for help.

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1. For Aristotle, a speaker’s character contribute^ to whether the audience will believe the speaker’s argument.

2. There is several other reasons why an audience might believe an argument.

3. Advertising, both for products and in politics, depend on the ethos of the person in the advertisement.

4. One of the advertisements use a slender movie star to sell a new diet drug.

5. Each of the advertisements that rely on celebrities are really deceptive.

6. Ethos, largely created through word choice and style, help establish a writer’s credibility.

7. Everyone, including student writers, want to communicate an image of authority.

8. Using diffi cult and unusual words seem like a good way to sound like an expert, but this strategy can backfi re.

9. Sometimes a writer or a speaker attack the character of the opponent, a tactic called an ad hominem argument.

Exercise 6: Making verbs agree with subjects in textTh is exercise is based on Jeremy Rifkin’s “A Change of Heart about Animals.”

Directions: Underline the subject of each sentence. Th en circle the verb in bold that agrees with the subject. When you have fi nished, compare your version to the original.

Tool-making and the development of sophisticated language skills is/are just two of

the many attributes we thought was/were exclusive to our species. Self-awareness

is/are another.

Some philosophers and animal behaviorists has/have long argued that other

animals is/are not capable of self-awareness because they lacks/lack a sense of

individualism. Not so, according to new studies. At the Washington National Zoo,

orangutans given mirrors explores/explore parts of their bodies they can’t other-

wise see, showing a sense of self. An orangutan named Chantek who lives/live at

the Atlanta Zoo used a mirror to groom his teeth and adjust his sunglasses.

Of course, when it comes/come to the ultimate test of what distinguishes/

distinguish humans from the other creatures, scientists has/have long believed that

mourning for the dead represents/represent the real divide. It’s commonly believed

that other animals has/have no sense of their mortality and is/are unable to

comprehend the concept of their own death. Not necessarily so. Animals, it

appears, experiences/experience grief. Elephants will often stand next to their

dead kin for days, occasionally touching their bodies with their trunks.

sing s

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Exercise 7: Making verbs agree with subjects in authentic textTh is exercise is based on letters to the editor regarding “A Change of Heart About Animals.”

Directions: Fill in the blanks with the correct form of the verb in parentheses. When you have fi nished, compare your version to the original.

Re “A Change of Heart About Animals,” Commentary, Sept. 1: Jeremy Rifkin

______ (argue) that science __________ (have) shown that the differences between

animals and humans __________ (be) less than we think and that we should extend

more “empathy” to animals. I disagree. In nature, animals naturally __________ (kill)

each other. If the hawk __________ (do) not care about the feelings of the rabbit that

it __________ (eat), why should humans be any different? __________ (be) Rifkin say-

ing that nature __________ (be) wrong?

Rifkin __________ (go) so far as to say that pigs __________ (need) social contact

and should be provided with toys. There __________ (be) many real human children

in the world who __________ (do) not have these things. __________ (be) animals

more important than human children? Should our society spend scarce resources

on toys for pigs?

Anyone who __________ (have) owned a pet __________ (know) that animals can

feel pain, happiness, anger, and other simple emotions. Most people __________

(have) heard a parrot or a mynah bird talk, but this __________ (be) just imitation and

mimicry. We __________ (do) not need science to tell us that animals can do these

things. However, __________ (do) a parrot understand what it __________ (be) say-

ing? Can an animal write a poem or even a grocery list?

Rifkin __________ (be) simply an animal rights activist hiding behind a handful of

scientifi c studies. He __________ (want) to ignore human suffering and focus on

animal discomfort. He __________ (want) animals to have more rights than humans.

Let’s not be fooled.

3.3 Student Writing

Exercise 8: Editing your guided compositionDirections to the Teacher 1. Use an overhead projector or a computer to project the original guided composi-



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3. Return the student paragraphs and ask your students to edit based on what they’ve learned by doing the activities in the chapter. Do not give the students access to the original while they are doing this. Direct them to make sure they have formed nouns correctly and that their subjects and verbs agree.



Exercise 9: Editing your own writingDirections: Pick a paragraph from your letter to the editor. Make sure the nouns are formed correctly and that subjects and verbs agree. Put a question mark in the margin next to any subjects or verbs that you are unsure about.

Next, exchange your paragraph with a partner and discuss any questions you have. Check with your teacher if you can’t agree on an answer.

Now edit your whole letter for subject-verb agreement.

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Answer Key

Noticing Language 1. “Was” doesn’t sound right because it has to go with “ways.” It should say,

“There were three basic ways.”

2. Here “ways” doesn’t sound right because it has to go with “another” and “is.” It should say, “Another way is.”

3. “Question” doesn’t sound right because it has to go with “politician.” It should say, “A politician often questions.”

4. “Help” doesn’t sound right because it doesn’t go with “appeals”; it goes with “recognizing.” It should say, “Recognizing . . . helps us.”

Exercise 2: Identifying singular and plural nouns

1. Over 2,000 years ago, the Greek philosopher Aristotle argued that there were

three basic ways to persuade an audience.

2. One way to convince an audience is through the character or image that the

writer projects.

3. Another way is through the use of logical arguments.

4. Writers can also appeal to our emotions.

5. Advertisers and politicians still use these appeals today.

6. A politician often questions the character and values of an opponent.

7. Advertisers frequently appeal to our desire to be attractive to the opposite

sex.

8. Recognizing these appeals helps us decide if we agree with an argument.

(Words such as “recognizing” are verbal nouns. Th ey are always singular.)

pl sing sing

pl sing

sing sing sing sing

sing

sing sing pl

pl pl

pl pl pl

sing sing pl sing

sing

sing

sing

pl

pl

sing

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Exercise 3: Identifying count and non-count nouns

Count Nouns Non-Count Nouns

emotion anger judgment pitycountry powerminority rhetoricneighbor toothpaste

(When determining if a noun is count or non-count, see if you can pluralize it: one emotion, some emotions, but not two angers. Many nouns have a meaning that is a count noun and a meaning that is non-count. In “the power of rhetoric,” power is non-count. We wouldn’t say “the powers of rhetoric.” However, we can use “power” to mean “country,” and then it’s a count noun: the nuclear powers. Dictionaries meant for English learners identify the diff erent mean-ings according to whether they are count or non-count.)

Exercise 4: Words that go with singular and plural nouns

1. No one should assume his or her position on the treatment of animals is shared by others.

2. One fast-food company has funded its own research about animals’ emo-tions.

3. Farmers must spend 20 seconds with each of their pigs each day.

4. A large number of advertisements try to make us feel insecure about our appearance.

5. Some people haven’t considered their responsibility to animals.

6. We sometimes wish politicians would use less rhetoric and take more action to solve problems.

7. Scientists used to believe that only people felt grief when their loved ones died.

Exercise 5: Correcting subject-verb agreement errors

1. For Aristotle, a speaker’s character contribute^ to whether the audience will

believe the speaker’s argument.

2. There are several other reasons why an audience might believe an argument.

sing

pl

s

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3. Advertising, both for products and in politics, depends on the ethos of the

person in the advertisement.

4. One of the advertisements uses a slender movie star to sell a new diet drug.

5. Advertisements that rely on a celebrity to sell the product are really decep-

tive.

6. Ethos, largely created through word choice and style, helps establish a

writer’s credibility.

7. Everyone, including student writers, wants to communicate an image of

authority.

8. Using diffi cult and unusual words seems like a good way to sound like an

expert, but this strategy can backfi re.

9. Sometimes a writer or a speaker attacks the character of the opponent, a

tactic called an ad hominem argument.

Exercise 6: Making verbs agree with subjects in text

Tool-making and the development of sophisticated language skills are just two of

the many attributes we thought were exclusive to our species. Self-awareness is

another.

Some philosophers and animal behaviorists have long argued that other animals

are not capable of self-awareness because they lack a sense of individualism. Not

so, according to new studies. At the Washington National Zoo, orangutans given

mirrors explore parts of their bodies they can’t otherwise see, showing a sense of

self. An orangutan named Chantek who lives at the Atlanta Zoo used a mirror to

groom his teeth and adjust his sunglasses.

Of course, when it comes to the ultimate test of what distinguishes humans from

the other creatures, scientists have long believed that mourning for the dead

represents the real divide. It’s commonly believed that animals have no sense of

their mortality and are unable to comprehend the concept of their own death. Not

necessarily so. Animals, it appears, experience grief. Elephants will often stand

next to their dead kin for days, occasionally touching their bodies with their trunks.

sing

sing

pl

sing

sing

sing

sing

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Exercise 7: Making verbs agree with subjects in authentic text

Re “A Change of Heart About Animals,” Commentary, Sept. 1: Jeremy Rifkin argues

that science has shown that the differences between animals and humans are less

than we think and that we should extend more “empathy” to animals. I disagree. In

nature, animals naturally kill each other. If the hawk does not care about the feel-

ings of the rabbit that it eats, why should humans be any different? Is Rifkin saying

that nature is wrong?

Rifkin goes so far as to say that pigs need social contact and should be provided

with toys. There are many real human children in the world who do not have these

things. Are animals more important than human children? Should our society spend

scarce resources on toys for pigs?

Anyone who has owned a pet knows that animals can feel pain, happiness, anger,

and other simple emotions. Most people have heard a parrot or a mynah bird talk,

but this is just imitation and mimicry. We do not need science to tell us that animals

can do these things. However, does a parrot understand what it is saying? Can an

animal write a poem or even a grocery list?

Rifkin is simply an animal-rights activist hiding behind a handful of scientifi c

studies. He wants to ignore human suffering and focus on animal discomfort.

He wants animals to have more rights than humans. Let’s not be fooled.

49

Chapter Four

Verbs for Expository WritingTh e exercises in Chapter Four are based on the Value of Life module.

CHAPTER FOCUS: Verbs in Expository Writing Verbs express actions or states of being. Th ey express time and the relationships between actions that take place at diff erent points in time. Th ose relationships can usually be understood only in the context of an entire passage, not within a single sentence taken out of context. Verbs are used to make general statements, give opinions, make judg-ments, and draw conclusions. Understanding how verbs function is essential for both reading and writing expository texts. Activities in this chapter are based on Amanda Ripley’s “What Is a Life Worth?” and Lance Armstrong and Sally Jenkins’ It’s Not About the Bike: My Journey Back to Life.

Exercise 1: Guided composition Th is exercise is based on Amanda Ripley’s “What Is a Life Worth?”

Teaching focus: Th e purpose of this guided composition activity is to elicit a paragraph of student writing on the topic of the value of life that contains a variety of verb tenses and time markers. Using these paragraphs, you can informally diagnose your students’ strengths and weaknesses in the area of verb use. At the end of the unit, your students will edit their paragraphs, applying what they have learned from the chapter. Th e stu-dents will then compare their paragraphs with the original, paying particular attention to verbs.


rate of speed. Th en ask your students to take notes while you read the paragraph again; emphasize that the notes will be essential when they write their paragraphs. Alternatively, write a series of key words or phrases on the board to guide your students.

2. Ask the students to reconstruct what they heard using their notes or the key words. Th e students should compare with each other what they have written and make changes as necessary.

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50 | VERBS FOR EXPOSITORY WRITING VALUE OF LIFE



In the nineteenth century, the widow of a man who died was unable to claim money

for his death. However, during the last 100 years, courts have begun to put a

dollar value on a life. The concept of assigning a price tag to a life has always made

people squeamish. After all, money does not make a family whole again. Also, is a

poor man’s life worth less than a rich man’s? September 11th has again made clear

that lives have different economic values. The government is trying to help families

maintain their standard of living. But the families see the money as a measure of the

value of their loved one’s life.

Noticing LanguageWhat is wrong with these sentences? How do you know? 1. In the nineteenth century, the widow of a man who died is unable to claim

money for his death.

2. During the last 100 years, courts begin to put a dollar value on life.

3. The concept of assigning a price tag to a life has always made people squea-mish. After all, money did not make a family whole again.

4.1 Identifying Complete Verb Phrases

Chart 4.1AComplete Verb Phrases

• Have a grammatical subject (I, you, it . . .) subjExample: Americans believe in the value of life.

• Express a time (tense), completion (aspect), or duration verbExample: I believed (past tense) a year ago that the value of life could not be measured.

• Can have one, two, or three helping verbs helping mainExample: We should not set a dollar value on life.

• Always have a main verb (verb that carries meaning) mainExample: Courts have begun to put a dollar value on life.

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VALUE OF LIFE VERBS FOR EXPOSITORY WRITING | 51

Helping and Modal Verbs“Be” verbs: is, am, are, was, were, been

“Have” verbs: have, has, had

“Do” verbs: do, does, did

Modals: can, will, must, should, ought to, may, might

Phrasal Modals: be going to, be able to, be supposed to, had better, ought to, have to

Infi nitive and -ing and -ed Verb Forms Verbs can also function as other parts of speech, such as nouns and adjectives. Th ese forms are not part of the verb phrase and should not be underlined when you are identifying verb phrases.

infi nitiveInsurance companies need to measure the value of life.

Verbal nounAssigning a price tag to life makes people squeamish.

Verbal adjectiveDiagnosed with cancer, Lance Armstrong never stopped fi ghting.

Main Verb Forms

Chart 4.1B Main Verb Forms

Simple form (no -s)

Presentthird person -s

Present Participle -ing

Past Tense -ed

Past Participle -ed

Regular walk walks walking walked walked

Irregular make

be

have

run

makes

is

has

runs

making

being

having

running

made

was

had

ran

made

been

had

run

Each main verb has fi ve forms.

Th ree of them can be used as complete main verbs.Th e simple form (present) they believe (now)Th e -s form (present) she believes (now)Th e past tense form she believed (yesterday)

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Th e other two forms can never stand alone as complete main verbs in a clause (they are incomplete without a helping verb).

Incomplete Complete

Th e -ing form walking She is walking (now)Th e participle form (-ed/-en form) believed, taken Th ey have believed He was taken

Th e simple form (without an ending) is used after modals and phrasal modals.Modal I can believePhrasal modal He is going to walk

Th e simple form is also used to construct negative statements and questions.Negative He did not believeQuestion Did they walk?

4.2 Time and TenseVerb tenses indicate the time period you are referring to in your writing. So any discus-sion of verb tense starts with a discussion of time. You can arrange time on a timeline like this.

yesterday today tomorrow

Sept. 9, 2001 Sept. 10, 2001 Sept. 11, 2001

If you think of time as a timeline, then you can visualize verb tenses as sections of the timeline. Th e key to understanding and using verb tenses in English is to look at them in the context of the passage that they are in rather than separately in individual sentences. Within passages, they occur in two time frames, either the past time frame or the present/future time frame.

Th e Past Time FrameVerbs in the past time frame are used to express actions that took place and were completed in the past. Th ey do not overlap the present or future tenses.

Examples: Th e events of September 11th shocked Americans. Before September 11th, we had believed in our safety as a nation.

Th e Present Time FrameTh e present and future tenses are clustered together because their time segments can overlap. Verbs that are formed with the present form of have (has or have) are part of the present time frame. Th ey are used for events that started in the past but are continuing in the present or have some relevance to the present.

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Examples: I have always believed that human life could not be measured in money. We believe in the value of life. Th e value of life will be measured diff erently in the future.

Th e simple present form of a verb is used for a general truth (something that everyone probably agrees is true). We call these generic statements.

Example: Every human life is valuable.

Time Frames and Time MarkersIn general, you cannot switch from the past time frame to the present/future time frame without a reason and a time marker that is a signal to your reader that you are switching time frames. For example, you would use a time marker like “two years ago” to switch from the present/future time frame to the past time frame.

Example: September 11th changed everything. Now we know that every life has a price.

Another case where it is permissible to switch time frames without a time marker is with a direct quotation. A direct quotation must use the tense of the original passage. At the end of the quotation, the writer must simply return to the time frame that preceded it or indicate with a time marker that a shift is occurring.

Example: Lance Armstrong learned the value of life when he was diagnosed with cancer. His fellow patients taught him the valuable lesson that “People live, and in the most remarkable ways.”

Writers take care to make sure that the time frame they intend is clearly indicated to their readers by time markers.

Exercise 2: Identifying verbs, subjects, and time framesTh is exercise is based on Amanda Ripley’s “What Is a Life Worth?”

Directions: Double-underline the complete verb phrases, underline the subjects in the following paragraph, and list them in the table below. Circle the time markers. Why do you think the author switched to a diff erent time frame? In the fourth column, label the time frame of the verbs: past or present/future.

The concept of assigning a price tag to a life has always made people intensely

squeamish. After all, isn’t it degrading to presume that money can make a family

whole again? And what of the disparities? Is a poor man’s life worth less than a rich

man’s? Over the past 100 years, U.S. courts have crafted answers to these ques-

tions. Forensic economists testify on the value of a life every day. They can even tell

you the average valuation of an injured knee (about $200,000). But until now, the

public at large has not had to reckon with the process and its imperfections. Until

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the terrorist attacks of Sept. 11th created a small city’s worth of grieving families and

the government established an unprecedented fund to compensate them, the math-

ematics of loss was a little-known science. Now the process is on garish display,

and it is tempting to avert the eyes.

Subject Helping/Modal Verb Main Verb Verb Time Frame1. Concept has made present/future2.3.4.5.6.7.8.9.10.11.12.13.

4.3 Verb Use in Basic TimeBasic time means the time reference is the simple idea of past, present, or future. Th ere is no reference to progressive or perfect meaning. Look at the timeline below.

PAST TIME FRAME PRESENT/FUTURE TIME FRAME

simple past tense simple present tense simple future tense

paid pay/pays will pay

did pay do/does pay am/is/are going to pay

PAST NOW FUTURE

Simple Past Tense: Th e government paid the families of those who died on 9/11 in 2003. (Paying the families is an action completed at a specifi c time in the past.)

Simple Present Tense: Insurance companies pay accident victims every day. (Every day shows that this is a repeated or habitual action in present time.)

Simple Future Tense: Charities will also pay many families.(Th is is the prediction of an action that will take place in the future.)

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Th e Simple Present Tense • For repeated, habitual, or characteristic actions (usually used with an adverb of

frequency). Note: an adverb is a word that modifi es a verb.

Adverbs of frequency: always, every day, usually, often, sometimes, frequently, rarely, and never.

Forensic economists frequently testify on the value of life. (Frequently tells us that this happens repeatedly, so we use the simple present

tense.)• For general statements and expressions of opinion. Th ey know the value of an injured knee. (Th is is a general statement about the expertise of forensic economists.)• For states of being, sensory perceptions, conditions, judgments, conclusions, or

emotional states. A poor man’s life is worth less. Th at idea doesn’t seem fair. (Th is fi rst statement is a judgment; the second statement is a conclusion about

that judgment, so we use the simple present tense for both.)• With present time markers

Present time markers: now, today, these days, presently

Now the process of assigning value to life is on garish display. (Now is a time marker that usually marks the present tense.)• For generic statements. Whether you are in the past or the present/future time

frame, you may switch to the generic without the use of a time marker. Past: Some of the families wanted to fi le lawsuits. Generic: Lawsuits are a way of forcing answers about the cause of death. Past: Th e families sued the airlines in order to investigate what really happened. (Th e fi rst sentence describes an event that happened in the past and uses

simple past tense. Th e next sentence uses present tense. It can follow immediately without a time marker because it makes a generic statement. Th e third sentence returns to the past tense because it again describes an event in the past.)

Th e Simple Past Tense • For an action that occurred at a known moment in the past. Th e courts started to put a dollar value on human life. (At a particular time—even though it isn’t stated—the courts made the fi rst

judgment about the monetary value of a life.) • With past time markers Past time markers: some time ago, two years ago, yesterday, before

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A train barreled over Joseph Hewins’ body on a wintry evening in 1845. (Th e simple past tense is used because the event occurred at a specifi c time.)

Note: Adverbs such as the time markers above and the word not can occur within a verb phrase but are not part of the phrase itself. Don’t underline them when you are identify-ing verb phrases.

Did people before 9/11 have a diff erent view of the value of life than now? (To form a question, use the helper do in the simple past plus the simple form

of the verb. Th e subject of the sentence occurs between the two parts of the verb phrase. Adverbs and adverbial phrases such as before 9/11 can occur there too.)

She did not know she was going to die when she left the note. (Forming a negative requires using did (the past form of the helper do) followed

by not and the simple form of the verb.)

Th e Simple Future Tense• For an action that will take place in the future. Spouses and children of victims will receive compensation. (Th ey haven’t received compensation yet, but we can predict they will in the

future.)• With future time markers

Future time markers: tomorrow, next year, in the future

In the future we will value human life diff erently than we did in the past. (Th e future time marker requires use of the future tense; note that in the second

clause, the past time marker in the past causes us to use the simple past tense.)

Tips for Using Verbs in Academic EssaysTh e simple present tense is often used for the thesis statement and for topic sentenc-es in an academic essay. Th e thesis statement and topic sentences generally express opinions, beliefs, or ideas and thus require the simple present. Th e simple present tense can also be used in body paragraphs to provide the writer’s commentary or analysis.

Sample thesis statement: Th e unpredictability of life means we need to stop caring about material possessions and enjoy each moment of life.

Th e simple past tense is most often used for the support in a paragraph. It is used to describe past events or activities. Th ese past events or activities can provide evidence for the writer’s position. Th e simple past tense is also used to write about events and information, another important source for supporting evidence.

Sample support: Two years ago, I was shocked when my doctor found a quarter-sized mass on my thyroid gland. It turned out that I had Follicular Carcinoma. It hit me that I could die.

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Sample commentary: In It’s Not About the Bike, Lance Armstrong claimed, “People live, and in the most remarkable ways.” When he had to undergo treatment for cancer, he said that the experience helped him understand real heroism and courage more than all of his bike races.

Exercise 3: Using basic verb tenses in expository writingTh is exercise is based on Amanda Ripley’s “What Is a Life Worth?”

Directions: Fill in the blanks in these paragraphs adapted from “What Is a Life Worth?” with the correct basic tenses. Use the simple past, present, or future. Circle the time markers. Why do you think the author switched to a diff erent time frame? Check to make sure the verbs agree with the subjects.

The Victim Compensation Fund follows (follow) common legal practice as it ______

(value) lives differently. Courts always __________ (grant) money on the basis of a

person’s earning power in life. That ___________ (be) because courts ____________

(not attempt) to replace “souls.” However, the plan _____________ (call) for deduct-

ing life insurance and pensions. Also, it __________ (allow) no fl exibility in determin-

ing non-economic damages. It __________ (place) the same value on the pain and

suffering of all the victims. Each family __________ (receive) $250,000 and an extra

$50,000 for a spouse and for each child.

On September 11th, one of the victims on American Flight 11 __________ (be) Lisa

Gordenstein. Later, after the tragedy, her husband __________ (say) that losing her

__________ (tear) his heart out. But now he __________ (say) he __________ (want) to

devote his life to raising his two young daughters. He __________ (not want) to fi le a

lawsuit against the government or the airline. He __________ (plan) to accept money

from the Victim Compensation Fund. He __________ (say), “I __________ (be) proud

of what my country is trying to do. I __________ (think) the intention __________ (be)

noble.” He __________ (tell) the story of the night before Lisa __________ (die). She

__________ (slip) a clipping under of door of David’s home offi ce. It __________ (be)

a saying from theologian Charles Swindoll that __________ (read), “Attitude to me

__________ (be) more important than facts.” David __________ (read) it at her

memorial.

4.4 Use of Perfect Tense Verbs Perfect tense verbs are used to refer to activities or events that began before a basic time in past, present, or future or to past events that are relevant to the present time. Th ink of the perfect tenses as the “time before” tenses. Th ey show the relationship between one state or event and a later state or event.

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PAST TIME FRAME PRESENT/FUTURE TIME FRAME

simple past tense simple present tense simple future tense

past perfect present perfect future perfect

had decided have/has decided will have decided

PAST NOW FUTURE

Present Perfect • To describe an action that started in the past and continues into the present. Th e

action is relevant to the present. Courts have assigned a dollar value to life for 100 years. (A hundred years ago, courts began assigning a dollar value to life. Th ey are still

assigning it now.) Since 9/11, the public has become aware of the process of setting a dollar value on a

life. (Since 9/11 is a date in the past. Th e public started to become aware at that time

in the past and is still aware now.)• To describe an action that has been completed at an indefi nite or unspecifi ed time

in the recent past and is relevant to the present. Th e families have decided to accept compensation from the Victim Fund. (At an unspecifi ed time in the past, the families decided to accept compensa-

tion, so we use the present perfect tense. Th is action is relevant to the present because it means that now the families cannot fi le lawsuits.)

Th e families decided on January 18 to accept compensation from the Victim Fund. (At a specifi c time—on January 18—the families decided to accept compensa-

tion, so we use the simple past tense.)

Past Perfect • To show that one past event happened before another past event. Th e past perfect

is used to describe the past event that occurred fi rst (there must be two past times). By the time Kenneth Feinberg met with the families on January 18, 2002, most of

them had decided to accept the government settlement. (Th e meeting was on January 18. “Most of the families” decided before they

went to the meeting. Both events occurred in the past, but the decision was made before the meeting.)

After Hewins had spent the day shoveling snow off the track, he was hit by a train on his way back to town.

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(Hewins shoveled snow; then he was hit by the train. Both events were in the past, but shoveling snow happened before he was hit by the train.)

Future Perfect • To describe a future activity that will be completed by the time of another event or

time in the future (there must be two future times). By 2011, all of the families will have received compensation. (Th e families will have received compensation at some time in the future before

2011.)

Note: Use of the future perfect tense is rare.

Exercise 4: Using basic and perfect verb tenses in expository writingTh is exercise is based on Lance Armstrong and Sally Jenkins’ It’s Not About the Bike: My Journey Back to Life.

Directions: Fill in the blanks in these paragraphs with the correct tenses. Use both basic and perfect verb tense. Circle the time markers. Why does the author change the time frame? Th en check the verbs to make sure they agree with the subjects.

I __________ (spend) my life racing my bike, from the back roads of Austin, Texas, to

the Champs-Elysees, and I always __________ (worry) about some rancher in his

Dodge 4x4 running me headfi rst into a ditch. Believe me, it __________ (happen) all

the time. Cyclists __________ (fi ght) an ongoing war with guys in big trucks, and so

many vehicles __________ (hit) me, so many times, in so many countries, that I _____

(lose) count. I __________ (learn) how to take out my own stitches: all that you _____

_____ (need) __________ (be) a pair of fi ngernail clippers and a strong stomach.

If you saw my body underneath my racing jersey, you would know what I am talk-

ing about. I __________ (have) marbled scars on both arms and discolored marks up

and down my legs, which I __________ (keep) clean-shaven. Maybe that __________

(be) why trucks always __________ (try) to run me over; they __________ (see) my

sissy-boy calves and decide not to brake. But cyclists __________ (have) to shave,

because when the gravel __________ (get) into your skin, it __________ (be) easier to

clean and bandage if you have no hair.

One minute you are pedaling along a highway, and the next minute, boom, you

__________ (be) face-down in the dirt. A blast of hot air __________ (hit) you, you

__________ (taste) the acrid, oily exhaust in the roof of your mouth, and all you can

do __________ (be) wave a fi st at the disappearing taillights.

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Cancer __________ (be) like that. I ___________ (not know) why I __________ (be)

still alive. I ___________ (have) a tough constitution, and before I ___________ (have)

cancer, my profession __________ (teach) me to compete against long odds and big

obstacles. That _________ (be) a good start, but I still __________ (think) my survival

__________ (be) more a matter of blind luck.

4.5 Progressive TensesProgressive tenses are used to describe an event or action in progress or ongoing at a time in the past, present, or future. Th e emphasis is on the duration (length of time). Progressive tenses are usually used with active verbs; they are much less frequent with state-of-being verbs.

Past Progressive Tense: Lance Armstrong was training for a race when his doctor told him he had cancer.

(“Was training” describes an action that was happening at a time in the past; that action was interrupted by another action in simple past time, “his doctor told him.”)

Present Progressive Tense: Armstrong is hoping to die at 100 years old.

(“Is hoping” describes a present action that is occurring at the present moment.)

Armstrong is still riding his bike.

(“Is riding” describes a present action that is happening at the present period of time and will continue into the future.)

Note: A present action or state that is temporary uses present progressive. A present action or state that is perma-nent uses simple present. Armstrong’s challenges are temporary; his physical attributes are permanent.

Lance Armstrong is facing new challenges now.

(A temporary state)

Armstrong has exceptional physical attributes.

(A permanent state)

Future Progressive Tense: Athletes will be studying Armstrong’s success for years to come.

(“Will be studying” is an action that will be happening over a period of time in the future.)

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Exercise 5: Using verb tenses to express time relationshipsDirections: Th e following timeline gives dates for the main events in Lance Armstrong’s life. Using these dates and information from the reading in It’s Not About the Bike: My Journey Back to Life and your own commentary, write a brief biography of Lance Arm-strong. Try to use a variety of verb tenses, including the simple present and the future.

September 18, 1971 Born in Plano, Texas.

1991 Won the U.S. amateur cycling championship.

1992 Turned professional but fi nished last in his fi rst professional race.

1993 and 1995 Won stages in the Tour de France with Team Motorola.

October 2, 1996 Diagnosed with testicular cancer that had spread to his lungs and brain; told he had a 40 percent chance of sur-vival.

1999 Made a cycling comeback after surgery and chemotherapy for cancer; won the Tour de France.

2004 Founded the Lance Armstrong Foundation, which sells yellow “Livestrong” wristbands to support cancer victims and survivors and raise awareness about cancer.

2005 Won his seventh consecutive Tour de France title.

2006 62 million “Livestrong” wristbands sold.

2004-06 Allegations that Armstrong used performance-enhancing steroids.

2006 An independent investigator for the world cycling organiza-tion, UCI, criticized the drug-testing process and recom-mended against disciplinary action against Armstrong.

2006 Plans to continue his work as an activist to change cancer policies.

Directions: Underline the subjects and double-underline the verbs in your biography. Circle time markers. Finally, add any needed time markers and edit the verbs so they accurately express the relationship among events in Armstrong’s life. Check for subject-verb agreement. Th en fi ll in the chart that follows. When indicated, specify the time that goes with the rule.

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Verb Phrase Tense Rule1. is simple present make a judgment/give

an opinion2. was born simple past event completed at a

specifi c time in the past (Sept. 12, 1972)

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

11.

12.

13.

14.

15.

16.

17.

18.

19.

20.

21.

22.

23.

24.

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4.6 Student Writing

Exercise 6: Editing student writingTh is exercise is based on a student essay on the Value of Life module.

Directions: Underline the subjects and double-underline the verbs in the paragraphs below. Circle the time markers and notice the places where the time frame changes. Why does the author change time frames? Th en cross out each verb that is not correct, and write the correct word in the space above. (Note: Th e writer of this student essay has used and cited an outside source, an article from the magazine Newsweek, to respond to the topic about the value of life.)

Life was a precious commodity like a diamond. But unlike a diamond, life have no

set monetary value. There is many arguments against putting a monetary value

on life, but one of the most impressive comes from Alephonsion Deng. He is one

of the 26,000 Sudanese Lost Boys who forced to fl ee violence in their country in

the 1980s. In the essay “I Have Had to Learn to Live with Peace,” he describes his

ordeal in the Sudanese desert. “We are crossing a thousand miles of war-ravaged

country without the hope of sanctuary. Bullets had replace food, medicine, shelter,

and my loving parents. I lived on wild vegetables, eat mud from Mother Earth, and

drink urine from my own body” (Deng 16). He had to walk across an entire country

from refugee camp to refugee camp, always with the thought of death before him.

He does not have the luxury of being able to go down to the grocery store when he

ran out of food. He have to scavenge for whatever he could get his hands on. Today

Mr. Deng would probably be outraged by the ideas of the 9/11 victims’ fund, which

have assign a monetary value to the lives of the 9/11 victims. After what he go

through, he would probably say that it was impossible to give something as valuable

as life a dollar value. Life is more valuable than any gem on Earth. That is why it will

not have a monetary value and never should.

Deng, Alephonsion. “I Have Had to Learn to Live With Peace.” Newsweek 31 October, 2005: 16.

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Directions: For each correction you have made, fi ll in the following chart.

Verb Phrase Tense Rule1.2.3.4.5.6.7.8.9.10.11.12.


tion paragraph and ask your students to read along as you read it out loud. 2. Th en project a student paragraph and discuss with the class the diff erences be-

tween the original and the student paragraph (both paragraphs need to be pro-jected simultaneously).

3. Return the student paragraphs and ask the students to edit based on what they’ve learned by doing the activities in the chapter. Don’t give the students access to the original while they are doing this. Direct them to make sure they have used time markers as needed and that their verbs are correct.

4. Ask your students to compare their edited versions with the original. 5. “Debrief ” by asking the students what they learned through the comparison and


Exercise 8: Editing your own writingDirections: Choose a paragraph from your essay on the value of life.

• Edit the paragraph, making sure you have used time markers as needed and that the verbs are correct.

• Put a question mark in the margin next to any verbs or time markers that you are unsure about.

• Exchange your paragraph with a partner and discuss any questions you have about your partner’s editing. Check with your teacher if you can’t agree on an answer.

• Now edit the rest of your essay for verb errors.

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Answer Key

Noticing Language 1. The sentence is in the past—the nineteenth century—so we have to say,

“The widow . . . was unable to claim money.”

2. The sentence is talking about the time from 100 years ago until now, so we have to say, “Courts have begun to put a dollar value on life.”

3. The second sentence is talking about something that we all agree is true, so we have to say, “Money does not make a family whole again.”

Exercise 2: Identifying verbs, subjects, and time frames

The concept of assigning a price tag to a life has always made people intensely

squeamish. After all, isn’t it degrading to presume that money can make a family

whole again? And what of the disparities? Is a poor man’s life worth less than a rich

man’s? Over the past 100 years, U.S. courts have crafted answers to these ques-

tions. Forensic economists testify on the value of a life every day. They can even tell

you the average valuation of an injured knee (about $200,000). But until now, the

public at large has not had to reckon with the process and its imperfections. Until

the terrorist attacks of Sept. 11 created a small city’s worth of grieving families and

the government established an unprecedented fund to compensate them, the

mathematics of loss was a little-known science. Now the process is on garish

display, and it is tempting to avert the eyes.

Subject Helping/Modal Verb Main Verb Verb Time Frame1. concept has made present/future2. it is* present/future3. money can make present/future4. life is present/future5. courts have crafted present/future6. economists testify present/future7. they can tell present/future8. public has had present/future9. attacks created past10. government established past11. mathematics was past12. process is present/future13. it is* present/future

(*“Degrading” and “tempting” are adjectives. Th ey are not part of the main verb. “Isn’t” is the contraction of “is” and “not.”)

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Exercise 3: Using basic verb tenses in expository writing

The Victim Compensation Fund follows common legal practice as it values lives

differently. Courts always grant money on the basis of a person’s earning power in

life. That is because courts do not attempt to replace “souls.” However, the plan

calls for deducting life insurance and pensions. Also, it allows no fl exibility in

determining non-economic damages. It places the same value on the pain and

suffering of all the victims. Each family will receive $250,000 and an extra $50,000

for a spouse and for each child.

On September 11th one of the victims on American Flight 11 was Lisa Gordenstein.

Later, after the tragedy, her husband said that losing her tore his heart out. But

now he says he wants to devote his life to raising his two young daughters. He

does not want to fi le a lawsuit against the government or the airline. He plans to

accept money from the Victim Compensation Fund. He says, “I am proud of what

my country is trying to do. I think the intention is noble.” He tells the story of

the night before Lisa died. She slipped a clipping under the door of David’s home

offi ce. It was a saying from theologian Charles Swindoll that read, “Attitude to me is

more important than facts.” David read it at her memorial.

(Sometimes context establishes the time frame rather than a specifi c time marker. Context tells us that the fi rst two verbs must be in the present tense to indicate habitual action since the Victim Compensation Fund “follows common legal practice.” Th e present tense “is” in the say-ing from Swindoll is a direct quotation that uses the tense of the original. No time marker is needed even though the passage is in the past time frame.)

Exercise 4: Using basic and perfect verb tenses in expository writing

I have spent my life racing my bike, from the back roads of Austin, Texas, to the

Champs-Elysees, and I always worry about some rancher in his Dodge 4x4 running

me headfi rst into a ditch. Believe me, it happens all the time. Cyclists fi ght an ongo-

ing war with guys in big trucks, and so many vehicles have hit me, so many times,

in so many countries, that I have lost count. I have learned how to take out my own

stitches: all that you need is a pair of fi ngernail clippers and a strong stomach.

If you saw my body underneath my racing jersey, you would know what I am talk-

ing about.† I have marbled scars on both arms and discolored marks up and down

my legs, which I keep clean-shaven. Maybe that is why trucks always try to run me

over; they see my sissy-boy calves and decide not to brake. But cyclists have to

shave, because when the gravel gets into your skin, it is easier to clean and ban-

dage if you have no hair.

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One minute you are pedaling along a highway, and the next minute, boom, you are

face-down in the dirt. A blast of hot air hits you, you taste the acrid, oily exhaust in

the roof of your mouth, and all you can do is wave a fi st at the disappearing tail-

lights.

Cancer is like that. I do not know why I am still alive. I have a tough constitution,

and before I had cancer, my profession taught me to compete against long odds

and big obstacles. That is a good start, but I still think my survival is more a matter

of blind luck.

†Th is sentence expresses a hypothetical condition, so the overall time doesn’t change.

Exercise 5: Using verb tenses to express time relationships(Possible response)

Lance Armstrong: Champion Cyclist and Cancer Survivor

Lance Armstrong is perhaps the greatest cyclist ever. He was born in Plano, Texas, on September 18, 1971. At the age of 20, he won the U.S. amateur cycling championship. He lost his fi rst race as a professional. However, Armstrong’s greatest strength is his perseverance.

He had already won stages of the Tour de France, cycling’s most important race, in both 1993 and 1995 when his doctors diagnosed him with testicular cancer on October 2, 1996. The cancer had spread to his lungs and brain, and his doctors gave him a 40 percent chance of survival. He had surgery and chemotherapy and returned to his training.

In 1999 he made his cycling comeback and won the Tour de France. He also started the Lance Armstrong Foundation and started selling “Livestrong” wristbands to raise money. The foundation’s goal is to help cancer victims and survivors and raise cancer awareness. Since that time he has won seven consecutive Tour de France races and has sold 62 million wristbands. He has also faced allegations that he had used performance-enhancing steroids. An independent investigation recently cleared him of these allegations. In the future, he will continue to work to increase awareness about cancer and to promote policies that will help cancer victims and survivors.

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Verb Phrase Tense Rule1. is simple

presentmake a judgment/give an opinion

2. was born simple past

event completed at a specifi c time in the past (September 12, 1972)

3. won simple past

event completed at a specifi c time in the past (when he was 20)

4. lost simple past

event completed in the past

5. is simple present

draw a conclusion

6. had won past per-fect

event completed before another event in the past (before he was diagnosed)

7. diagnosed simple past

event completed at a specifi c time in the past (October 2, 1996)

8. had spread past per-fect

event completed before another event in the past (before he was diagnosed)

9. gave simple past

event completed at a specifi c time in the past (after he was diagnosed)

10. had simple past

event completed at a specifi c time in the past (after he was diagnosed)

11. returned simple past

event completed at a specifi c time in the past (after his diagnosis, before 1999)

12. made simple past

event completed at a specifi c time in the past (in 1999)

13. won simple past

defi nite time in the past

14. started simple past

event completed at a specifi c time in the past (in 1999)

15. is simple present

general statement

16. has won present perfect

indefi nite time in the past

17. has sold present perfect

indefi nite time in the past

18. has faced present perfect

event in the recent past that is relevant to the present

19. had used past per-fect

event completed before another event in the past (facing allegations in 2004-06)

20. cleared simple past

event in the past

21. will continue future prediction of future action22. will help future prediction of future action

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Exercise 6: Editing student writing

Life was a precious commodity like a diamond. But unlike a diamond, life have no

set monetary value. There is many arguments against putting a monetary value on

life, but one of the most impressive arguments comes from Alephonsion Deng. He

is one of the 26,000 Sudanese Lost Boys who were forced to fl ee violence in their

country in the 1980s. In the essay “I Have Had to Learn to Live with Peace,” he

describes his ordeal in the Sudanese desert. “We are crossing a thousand miles of

war-ravaged country without the hope of sanctuary. Bullets had replace food,

medicine, shelter, and my loving parents. I lived on wild vegetables, eat mud from

Mother Earth, and drink urine from my own body” (Deng 16). He had to walk* across

an entire country from refugee camp to refugee camp, always with the thought of

death before him. He does not have the luxury of being able to go down to the

grocery store when he ran out of †food. He have to scavenge for whatever he could

get his hands on. Today Mr. Deng would probably be outraged by the idea of the

9/11 victims’ fund, which have assign a monetary value to the lives of the 9/11

victims. After what he go through, he would probably say that it was impossible to

give something as valuable as life a dollar value. Life is more valuable than any gem

on Earth. That is why it will not have a monetary value and never should.

* “Had to walk” is a phrasal modal, so the whole phrase is the main verb and should be underlined.†Ran out of” is a three-word verb.

1. is 2. has

3. are

4. crossed

5. replaced

6. ate

7. drank

8. did

9. had to scavenge

10. has assigned

11. went 12. is

13. does

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Verb Phrase Tense Rule

1. is simple present judgment/opinion2. has simple present agrees with singular subject3. are simple present agrees with plural subject4. crossed simple past event completed at a specifi c

time in the past (in 1980s)5. replaced simple past event completed at a specifi c

time in the past (in 1980s)6. ate simple past event completed at a specifi c

time in the past (in 1980s) 7. drank simple past event completed at a specifi c

event in the past (in 1980s)8. did simple past event completed at a specifi c

time in the past (in 1980s)9. had to scav-

engesimple past event completed at a specifi c

time in the past (in 1980s)10. has assigned present perfect event in the recent past that

is relevant to the present11. went simple past event completed at a specifi c

time in the past (in 1980s)12. is simple present judgment/opinion13. does simple present judgment/opinion

71

Chapter Five

Sentence Focus and Defensible AssertionsTh e exercises in Chapter Five are based on the Racial Profi ling module.

CHAPTER FOCUS:

Using Academic Language to Construct ArgumentsWriters often can make choices about how they direct a reader’s attention. In construct-ing arguments, they want the reader to focus on the most important element in the sentence. Making choices about using passive or active construction gives writers that control. Writers also use qualifying language to make sure that their assertions can be defended. All the activities in this chapter are based on Bob Herbert’s “Hounding the Innocent.”

Exercise 1: Guided composition Teaching focus: Th e purpose of this guided composition activity is to elicit a paragraph of student writing on the topic of racial profi ling. You can informally diagnose your students’ strengths and weaknesses in the area of use of the passive voice and qualify-ing words and structures. At the end of the unit, the students will edit their paragraphs, applying what they have learned from the chapter. Th e students will then compare their paragraphs with the original, paying particular attention to the use of the passive and qualifying words and structures.


rate of speed. Th en ask your students to take notes while you read the paragraph again; emphasize that the notes will be essential when the students write their paragraphs. Alternatively, write a series of key words or phrases on the board to guide your students.


72 | SENTENCE FOCUS AND DEFENSIBLE ASSERTIONS RACIAL PROFILING

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According to Bob Herbert, ethnic profi ling is practiced by law-enforcement person-nel throughout the country. From 1992 to 1995, 42,000 mostly black or Hispanic people were arrested for loitering. In 1999 the loitering law was declared unconsti-tutional. In many parts of the country in the 1990s, black and Hispanic motorists were also pulled over simply because of their race. In New York, 45,000 people were stopped and frisked, but only 10,000 were arrested. The director of the American Civil Liberties Union claimed, “Virtually everybody who was arrested is innocent, and virtually everybody is not white.” Loitering laws can help to curb gang activity, but these laws may also be used to harass innocent people. Most Americans have no idea how much racial profi ling is carried out by the police. Herbert believes that citizens, as a result, are often humiliated by the police. A strong stand must be taken against the use of racial profi ling.

Noticing LanguageWho is responsible for the actions in the following sentences? 1. Ethnic profi ling is practiced throughout the country.

2. In 1999 the loitering law was declared unconstitutional.

What questions can you ask about these claims? 3. Black and Hispanic motorists are always pulled over by the police because

of their race.

4. Americans have no idea about how much racial profi ling is carried out by the police.

5.1 Passive Verbs

Forming the Passive• A passive verb always includes a form of be plus the participle of the verb. (A participle is the -ed or -en form of the verb.) Examples: is practiced, was arrested, have been taken

• In general, only verbs that have a direct object (transitive verbs) can occur in the passive.

direct objectActive: Th e police stopped motorists based on their race.

Passive: Motorists were stopped by the police based on their race.

• Th erefore, verbs such as be, agree, die, seem, happen, and appear do not have passive forms because they never have direct objects. However, some verbs can be either transitive or intransitive with a slight change in meaning.

RACIAL PROFILING SENTENCE FOCUS AND DEFENSIBLE ASSERTIONS | 73

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Intransitive (no direct object after the verb) Active: Racial profi ling happened in all major cities. Incorrect: Racial profi ling was happened in all major cities.

Intransitive (no direct object after the verb) Active: Th e attitude toward racial profi ling has changed a lot.

Transitive (a direct object follows the verb) Active: Th e legislature has changed the law on loitering. Passive: Th e anti-loitering law has been changed.

Th e “doer” of the action in an active sentence is the subject. In a passive sentence, the “doer” is called the agent and is expressed in a prepositional phrase with by. Often the agent is omitted.

“doer” = subject Active: Th e offi cer stopped the motorist for speeding. “doer” = agent Passive: Th e motorist was stopped (by the offi cer) for speeding.

Chart 5.1

Forming the Passive Past Present Future

Active Th e offi cer stopped Th e offi cer stops Th e offi cer will stop the motorist yesterday. her often. her next week.

Passive Th e motorist was She is stopped She will be stopped stopped yesterday. often. next week.

Active Th e offi cer was Th e offi cer is stopping (Not in common use) stopping the motorist. her now.

Passive Th e motorist was She is being (Not in common use) being stopped when stopped now. her cell phone rang.

Active Th e offi cer had Th e offi cer has Th e offi cer will have stopped the motorist. stopped her. stopped her by tomorrow.

Passive Th e motorist had She has been Th e motorist will be been stopped. stopped. stopped by tomorrow.

Active Th e offi cer should Th e offi cer should have stopped the stop her. motorist.

Passive Th e motorist should Th e motorist should have been stopped. be stopped.

Note: -ing and -ed forms of the verb can also be active or passive.Being stopped by a law enforcement offi cer is a scary experience.No one expects to be stopped without a good reason.


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Exercise 2: Identifying passive verbsDirections: Underline the subjects and double-underline the passive verbs in the guided composition. Put parentheses around the “by” phrases that indicate the agent.

1. According to Bob Herbert, ethnic profi ling is practiced by law-enforcement personnel throughout the country.

2. From 1992 to 1995, 42,000 mostly black or Hispanic people were arrested for loitering.


4. In many parts of the country in the 1990s, black and Hispanic motorists were also pulled over simply because of their race.

5. In New York, 45,000 people were stopped and frisked, but only 10,000 were arrested.

6. The director of the American Civil Liberties Union claimed, “Virtually every-body who was arrested is innocent, and virtually everybody is not white.”

7. Loitering laws can help to curb gang activity, but these laws may also be used to harass innocent people.

8. Most Americans have no idea how much racial profi ling is carried out by the police.

9. Herbert believes that citizens, as a result, are often humiliated by the police.

10. A strong stand must be taken against the use of racial profi ling.

Using Passive Verbs Eff ectivelyIn most cases, writers use active verbs to make clear who or what is performing the action of the sentence. Sometimes writers use passive verbs to avoid assigning responsibility, as in the phrase, “Mistakes were made.” In this sentence, we don’t know who made the mistakes. Perhaps it was the person who wrote the sentence.

Generally, writing that uses active verbs will be stronger and clearer. However, sometimes writers use passive voice intentionally. Always check your writing to make sure you have a good reason for using the passive. Below are three reasons for using passive verbs. 1. You may use the passive when the agent or “doer” of the action is not known, not

important, or is obvious; or you don’t want to mention the agent. Example: John was arrested for loitering.

(Th e agent is obvious—when someone is arrested it is generally by the police— so the writer doesn’t choose to express the agent.)

2. You may use the passive when you want the receiver of the action rather than the agent of the action to be the subject. As a result, the focus of the sentence will be on the receiver of the action, not the agent.


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Example: Many African Americans and Hispanics have been stopped simply because of their race. (Th e writer has put African Americans and Hispanics in the foreground by making them the subject of the sentence. Th e agent is not specifi ed, although we can infer it is the police.)

3. You may use the passive when you want to avoid the informality of using the impersonal you or they.

Examples Active: You should not stop innocent motorists based on their race.

Passive: Innocent motorists should not be stopped based on their race.

Exercise 3: Changing active verbs to passive verbsDirections: Rewrite the following sentences from active to passive and indicate how the focus of the sentence changes. If you include the agent in your rewrite, put the “by” phrase in parentheses. Talk with a partner about why a writer might choose one focus instead of the other for each sentence.

1. In many parts of the country, law-enforcement personnel pulled over black and Hispanic motorists simply because of their race.

In many parts of the country, black and Hispanic motorists were pulled over simply because of their race.

Active sentence focus: law-enforcement personnel Passive sentence focus: black and Hispanic motorists

2. In New York, the police stopped and frisked 45,000 people, but they arrested only 10,000.

Active sentence focus:

Passive sentence focus:

3. The police stopped only people who were not innocent.



4. Most Americans have no idea how much police carry out racial profi ling.



5. Legislators designed the laws to curb gang activity.



6. But the police are supposed to protect citizens, not humiliate them.




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5.2 ModalsOne special kind of verb is called a modal. Modals are diff erent from helping verbs such as have, do, and be. Unlike those verbs, modals don’t have endings like regular verbs. You say, “Th e policeman has stopped the car,” but you don’t say, “Th e policeman cans stop the speeding car.”

Modals are a special category of verbs that are used to express ability, possibility, permission, certainty, necessity, obligation, preference, and prediction. Th e meaning of the modal changes the logical meaning of the main verb, so the reader must make an inference or a prediction:

• “Th e policeman stopped the speeding cars” is just a statement of fact. If you say, “Th e policeman might stop the speeding cars,” you are suggesting that it is possible he will stop the cars, but there is also a chance he won’t.

• If you say, “Th e policeman should stop the speeding cars,” you are making a recommendation, but just because you believe the policeman should stop the speeding cars, it doesn’t mean that he actually will.

• If you say, “Th e policeman must stop the speeding cars,” you are communicating that you think it is urgent that he stop the speeding cars.

Using modals appropriately is an important way to communicate these and other precise meanings to your readers.

Forming Verb Phrases with Modals

Chart 5.2A Modals and Th eir Meanings

Modal Possible Meaningscan ability or permissioncould possibility or permissionmay possibility or permissionmight possibility or permissionmust degree of certainty or necessity shall necessity should obligationwill predictionwould possibility or preference

Modals• Always come fi rst in the verb phrase• Always occur with a subject


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• Are always followed by the simple form of the verb (or by the auxiliaries have and be)

Note: Never put an -s or an -ed on a modal.Never follow a modal by an infi nitive (“to” plus simple verb).Examples Racial profi ling can happen anywhere right now. (Not “cans happen.” Not “can to happen.”) It could happen to someone you know in the future. It might be diffi cult to prevent.

Present/future time modals• Are followed by the simple form of the verb or an auxiliary• May refer either to the present or the future Th e police should avoid using racial profi ling. Th e police may avoid using racial profi ling in the future. Racial profi ling must be stopped. Racial profi ling will end when we all realize how unjust it is.

Note: English does not have a real future tense. We use the modal will to predict what will happen in the future.

Past time modals (modal perfects)• Are followed by have and the past participle• May refer to either the past or the past of a future point of time Th e police may have avoided using racial profi ling in the past. (It is possible that the police did not use racial profi ling.) Racial profi ling should have ended by the time our children are adults. (By the time in the future when our children are adults, racial profi ling will

probably no longer exist, but it has not ended yet.)

Exception

• Could plus the simple form of the verb is used to refer to a past time (ability) From 1992 to 1995, law-enforcement offi cials could arrest people based on their

ethnicity. (In the past, offi cials had the ability to use racial profi ling; nothing stopped

them.)

Phrasal ModalsSome verbs have the same meaning as modals, but they are formed like regular verbs. Th ey have an -s in the third person singular, present tense, and are followed by an infi ni-tive.


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Chart 5.2B

Phrasal Modals and Equivalent ModalsPhrasal Modals Modals

be able to We are able to stop racial profi ling.

can We can stop racial profi ling.

be going to We are going to stop racial profi ling.

will We will stop racial profi ling.

are about to We are about to stop racial profi ling.

will We will stop racial profi ling.

have to We have to stop racial profi ling.

must We must stop racial profi ling.

have got to We have got to stop racial profi ling.

must We must stop racial profi ling.

be supposed to

We are supposed to stop racial profi ling.

should We should stop racial profi ling.

ought to We ought to stop racial profi ling.

should We should stop racial profi l-ing.

be allowed to We are allowed to stop racial profi ling.

may We may stop racial profi ling.

be likely to We are likely to stop racial profi ling.

could We could stop racial profi ling.

to be about to We are about to stop racial profi ling.

would We would stop racial profi l-ing.

Note: Both phrasal modals and modals are followed by the simple form of the verb.

Exercise 4: Identifying modals and their meanings Th is exercise is based on a student essay on racial profi ling.

Directions: Read the following paragraphs from a student essay about racial profi ling. Double-underline the complete verb phrases in the passage; circle the modals and phrasal modals.

Because of their position of authority, police may use their authority to shame mem-

bers of minority groups. Statistics show that a police offi cer is more likely to pull

over a black man for speeding than a white man. When someone is judged by skin

color or accent, it can be shameful and humiliating. It’s not fair; it’s not equal; it’s not

just. Police offi cers should protect and serve everyone, not just white people.

If people are judged daily by skin color and nationality, unity will cease to exist. How

can people unite if they cannot look past the surface? Racial profi ling may be the

greatest cause of division among Americans. “United we stand, but divided we fall.”


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If America cannot look past its differences, this problem could become worse. If that

happens, America, the land of the great, will fall.

Directions: Fill in the chart below with the verb phrases that have modals or phrasal modals. Indicate the meaning of the modal or phrasal modal in the second column.

Verb Phrase with Modal/Phrasal Modal Meaning

1. may use ability2.3.4.5.6.7.8.9.10.11.

Exercise 5: Using modalsDirections: Complete the following sentences using a modal or phrasal modal. Th e sentences should make sense in the context of racial profi ling.

1. After the anti-loitering law was declared unconstitutional, Chicago police

2. Most Americans

3. The safety of ordinary citizens

4. In the future, the color of someone’s skin

5. Being in the presence of suspected gang members


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5.3 Making Assertions That Can Be SupportedAcademic writers often make generalizations as they explain an issue and argue for their position. However, they do not want to alienate their audience by being too direct or assertive or by making claims that cannot be supported.

Too general: Law-enforcement professionals use racial profi ling.

More defensible: In the 1990s, law-enforcement professionals in many major cities often used racial profi ling.

Defensible assertions often answer the following questions.• Who is doing something?• How often does it happen?• How likely is it?• Under what circumstances does it happen?• When does it happen?• Where does it happen?

Writers use a variety of strategies to answer these questions. Active verbs or passives with agents indicate who is doing the action. Modals indicate that an assertion is possible or probable but not a fact. Adverbs (words that modify verbs) or verbs themselves can indi-cate how often something happens; that a statement is not black-and-white but that there is room for doubt; or that it is true under some circumstances but not true under others.

Sometimes writers want to make the strongest assertion possible because they feel strong-ly that their position is the only possible one. In that case, they will not qualify their position, but they then must be careful to persuade their audience that their position is correct.

Intentionally strong assertion: Racial profi ling is morally wrong under all circumstanc-es.

Strategies for Making Defensible Assertions

Indicate who: Change passive verbs to active or specify the agent.Passive: Th e arrests were made in order to combat gang activity.Active: Th e police in Chicago made the arrests in order to combat gang activity.Agent identifi ed: Th e arrests were made by the police in Chicago in order to combat gang activity.

Indicate frequency: Use adverbs such as sometimes, always, often, usually, generally, rarely, or occasionally.

Too general: Th e laws were aimed at curbing gang activity.More defensible: Sometimes laws were aimed at curbing gang activity.

Too general: Th e stops resulted in arrests.More defensible: Th e stops rarely resulted in arrests.


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Indicate probability: Use modals such as may, might, can, could; use adverbs such as possibly, probably, generally; or use nouns such as a possibility and a probability.

Too general: Police stops are in no way connected to the commission of a specifi c crime.More defensible: Police stops may not be connected to the commission of a specifi c crime. Th ere is a possibility that police stops are not connected to the commission of a specifi c crime.

Too general: Innocent people are stopped, frisked, and harassed.More defensible: Innocent people can be stopped, frisked, and harassed. Possibly innocent people are stopped, frisked, and harassed.

Indicate uncertainty: Use verbs such as seem, appear, tend, or suggest.

Too general: Th e statistics show that police use racial profi ling.More defensible: Th e statistics seem to show that police use racial profi ling.

Too general: Everybody is innocent.More defensible: Everybody appears to be innocent.

Indicate quantity: Use quantifi ers such as few, some, many, most, or virtually.

Too general: Arrests were made based on racial profi ling.More defensible: Many arrests were made based on racial profi ling.

Too general: Everybody is innocent.More defensible: Virtually everybody is innocent.

Exercise 6: Revising sentences to make assertions defensibleTh is exercise is based on sentences from student essays on racial profi ling.

Directions: Rewrite these sentences to answer the following questions.• Who is doing something?• How often does it happen?• How likely is it?• Under what circumstances does it happen?• When does it happen?• Where does it happen?

Th en explain how you would be able to defend the assertions in your revised sentence.

1. These arrests are believed to be due to racial profi ling.

Revision: Bob Herbert believes that these arrests in Chicago for loitering in the 1990s were due to racial profi ling.


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Reasoning: I can defend my assertion because I have indicated where and when the arrests took place and specifi ed who believes the arrests were due to racial profi ling.

2. Police use their authority to shame members of minority groups.

3. People are judged daily because of skin color and nationality.

4. If racial profi ling continues, America, the land of the great, will fall.

5. Judging someone by the way he or she looks helps the search for terrorists.

6. There are really no benefi ts to racial profi ling because racial profi ling is com-pletely wrong no matter what.

7. Traffi c stops based on racial profi ling are in no way connected to the com-mission of a specifi c crime.

8. Racial profi ling has always been a hindrance to society.

5.4 Student Writing

Exercise 7: Editing student writingTh is exercise is based on a student essay on racial profi ling.

Directions: Revise assertions in the paragraph below that are too general, and make passive verbs more precise by changing them to active form. Use the following questions as a guide.

• Who is doing something?


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• How often does it happen?• How likely is it?• Under what circumstances does it happen?• When does it happen?• Where does it happen?

If you need to rewrite an entire sentence, mark the sentence with an asterisk and write your new version at the end of the paragraph.

Racial profi ling helps offi cers determine likely suspects, but blindly accepting

stereotypes leads law enforcement in the wrong direction. After the Oklahoma City

bombing, people suspected the crime had been committed by Middle Eastern

terrorists. Instead, the bomber turned out to be a white male and U.S. Army veteran

who had earned a Bronze Star. He seemed like the least likely person to commit

such a crime. Similarly, well-to-do John Walker Lindh was an unlikely candidate for

a Taliban fi ghter, but he had left Marin County and traveled to Afghanistan to join the

jihad. Focusing on race or ethnicity diverts attention from the real perpetrators of

crimes, and profi ling always stands in the way of effective law enforcement. How-

ever, the use of profi ling has actually grown since September 11th. According to

Amnesty International, the human rights organization, not only does the practice of

profi ling by race, religion, and national origin violate human rights, but it is also

totally counterproductive.




3. Return the student paragraphs and ask your students to edit based on what they’ve learned by doing the activities in the chapter. Don’t give the students access to the original while they are doing this. Direct them to revise assertions in the paragraphs that are too general and make passive verbs more precise by chang-ing them to active form.




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Exercise 9: Editing your own writingDirections: Choose a paragraph from your essay.

• Revise assertions in the paragraph that are too general, and make passive verbs more precise by changing them to active form.

• Put a question mark in the margin next to any sentences that you are unsure about. • Exchange your paragraph with a partner and discuss any questions you have.

Check with your teacher if you cannot agree on an answer. • Now edit the rest of your essay by revising assertions that are too general and mak-

ing passive verbs more precise by changing them to active form.


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Answer Key

Noticing Language 1. This sentence doesn’t tell me who is responsible. Maybe it means it means

ethnic profi ling is practiced by people in general, or maybe it means by a particular group like the police.

2. This sentence doesn’t tell me who is responsible. I assume it is a court, but it could be a California court, or it could be the U.S. Supreme Court.

3. Are they always stopped because of their race? Aren’t they pulled over sometimes because they were speeding or ran a stop sign?

4. Don’t some Americans know about how much racial profi ling goes on? I’ve read about racial profi ling in the newspaper and seen stories on TV, and I know there are experts who study racial profi ling.

Exercise 2: Identifying passive verbs 1. According to Bob Herbert, ethnic profi ling is practiced (by law-enforcement

personnel) throughout the country.

2. From 1992 to 1995, 42,000 mostly black or Hispanic people were arrested for loitering.


4. In many parts of the country in the 1990s, black and Hispanic motorists were also pulled over* simply because of their race.

5. In New York, 45,000 people were stopped and frisked, but only 10,000 were arrested.

6. The director of the American Civil Liberties Union claimed, “Virtually every-body who was arrested is innocent, and virtually everybody is not white.”

7. Loitering laws can help to curb gang activity, but these laws may also be used to harass innocent people.

8. Most Americans have no idea of how much racial profi ling is carried out* (by the police).

9. Herbert believes that citizens, as a result, are often humiliated (by the police).

10. A strong stand must be taken against the use of racial profi ling.

*Two-word verb


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Exercise 3: Changing active verbs to passive verbs 1. In many parts of the country, law-enforcement personnel pulled over black

and Hispanic motorists simply because of their race.

In many parts of the country, black and Hispanic motorists were pulled over simply because of their race. Active sentence focus: law-enforcement personnel Passive sentence focus: black and Hispanic motorists

2. In New York, the police stopped and frisked 45,000 people, but they only arrested 10,000.

In New York, 45,000 people were stopped and frisked, but only 10,000 were arrested.

Active sentence focus: the police Passive sentence focus: 45,000 people

3. The police only stopped people who were not innocent.

Only people who were not innocent were stopped. Active sentence focus: police Passive sentence focus: people who were not innocent

4. Most Americans have no idea how much police carry out racial profi ling.

Most Americans have no idea how much racial profi ling is carried out (by police).

Active sentence focus: police Passive sentence focus: racial profi ling

5. Legislators designed the laws to curb gang activity.

The laws were designed to curb gang activity. Active sentence focus: legislators Passive sentence focus: laws

6. But the police are supposed to protect citizens, not humiliate them.

But citizens are supposed to be protected (by the police), not be humiliated (by them).

Active sentence focus: the police Passive sentence focus: citizens


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Exercise 4: Identifying modals and their meanings

Because of their position of authority, police may use their authority to shame mem-

bers of minority groups. Statistics show that a police offi cer is more likely to pull

over a black man for speeding than a white man. When someone is judged by skin

color or accent, it can be shameful and humiliating. It’s not fair; it’s not equal; it’s not

just. Police offi cers should protect and serve everyone, not just white people.

If people are judged daily by skin color and nationality, unity will cease to exist. How

can people unite if they cannot look past the surface? Racial profi ling may be the

greatest cause of division among Americans. “United we stand, but divided we fall.”

If America cannot look past its differences, this problem could become worse. If that

happens, America, the land of the great, will fall.

Verb Phrase with Modal/Phrasal Modal Meaning

1. may use possibility2. is likely to possiblity3. can be ability4. should protect and serve obligation5. will cease prediction6. can unite ability7. can look ability8. may be possibility9. can look ability10. could become possibility11. will fall prediction


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Exercise 5: Using modals(Possible responses)

1. After the anti-loitering law was declared unconstitutional, Chicago police could no longer use the law to target African Americans and Hispanics.

2. Most Americans would not want racial profi ling to happen to them.

3. The safety of ordinary citizens ought to be the fi rst concern of law enforcement.

4. In the future, the color of someone’s skin should not be used as a cause to arrest them.

5. Being in the presence of suspected gang members sometimes can be a reason for police surveillance.

Exercise 6: Revising sentences to make assertions defensible(Possible responses)

1. These arrests are believed to be due to racial profi ling.

Revision: Bob Herbert believed that these arrests in the 1990s in Chicago for loitering were due to racial profi ling.

Reasoning: I can defend my assertion because I have indicated where and when the arrests took place and specifi ed who believes the arrests were due to racial profi ling.

2. Police use their authority to shame members of minority groups.

Revision: Some members of the police may use their authority to shame members of minority groups.

Reasoning: I can defend my assertion because I have specifi ed that only some members of the police misuse their authority.

3. People are judged daily because of skin color and nationality.

Revision: Authorities may sometimes judge members of minority groups because of their skin color and nationality.

Reasoning: I can defend my assertion because I’ve specifi ed who might use racial profi ling and who they might use it against, and that way they only do it sometimes.

4. If racial profi ling continues, America, the land of the great, will fall.

Revision: If racial profi ling continues, it is likely to damage American society.


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Reasoning: I can defend my assertion because I predict that racial profi ling probably will be harmful to society, but I don’t absolutely say that it will.

5. Judging someone by the way he or she looks helps the search for terrorists.

Revision: Judging someone by the way he or she looks could possibly help the search for terrorists.

Reasoning: I can defend my assertion because I acknowledge that racial profi ling might possibly be useful in fi ghting terrorism.

6. There are really no benefi ts to racial profi ling because racial profi ling is completely wrong no matter what.

Revision: There are few benefi ts to racial profi ling because it is generally counterproductive.

Reasoning: I can defend my assertion because I’ve indicated that there might be some benefi ts and racial profi ling might not always be counterproductive.

7. Traffi c stops based on racial profi ling are in no way connected to the commission of a specifi c crime.

Revision: Traffi c stops based on racial profi ling are usually not connected to the commission of a specifi c crime.

Reasoning: I can defend my assertion because I’ve suggested that the traffi c stops are not connected to a crime in most cases, but it’s possible that some cases may be.

8. Racial profi ling has always been a hindrance to society.

Revision: Since the 1990s, racial profi ling in the United States has been a hindrance to society.

Reasoning: I can defend my assertion because I’ve limited it to the time period for which I have evidence and I’ve specifi ed the United States because I don’t know about racial profi ling in other countries.


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Exercise 7: Editing student writing(Possible response)

In the area of law enforcement, racial profi ling is designed to help offi cers determine likely suspects, but blindly accepting stereotypes can lead law enforcement in the wrong direction. After the Oklahoma City bombing, some offi cials suspected the crime had been commit-ted by Middle Eastern terrorists. Instead, the bomber turned out to be a white male and U.S. Army veteran who had earned a Bronze Star. He seemed like the least likely person to commit such a crime. Similarly, well-to-do John Walker Lindh seemed an unlikely candidate for a Taliban fi ghter, but he had left Marin County and traveled to Afghanistan allegedly to join the jihad. In many cases, focusing on race or ethnicity can divert attention from the real perpetrators of crimes, and some legal experts believe that profi ling may stand in the way of effective law enforcement. However, statistics suggest that the use of profi ling has actually grown since September 11th. Amnesty International, the human rights organization, maintains that not only does the practice of profi ling by race, religion, and national origin violate human rights, but it is also usually counterproductive.

91

Chapter Six

Connecting Ideas in Expository WritingTh e exercises in Chapter Six are based on the Juvenile Justice module.

CHAPTER FOCUS: Making ConnectionsWriters use three main methods to show the logical relationships between clauses and the ideas they express.

• Coordination: and, nor, but, or, for, yet, and so• Subordination: words such as because, after, and although• Linking with transitions: words such as therefore, thus, and however

Th ese words can express logical relationships such as adding one idea to another, suggest-ing alternative ideas, or showing that one idea is the result of another idea. In expository writing, clear relationships between ideas are essential for making convincing arguments and providing supporting information.

Exercise 1: Guided composition Th is exercise is based on Adam Liptak’s “Supreme Court to Rule on Executing Young Killers.”

Teaching focus: Th e purpose of this guided composition activity is to elicit a paragraph of student writing on the topic of juvenile justice. With these paragraphs, you can infor-mally diagnose your students’ strengths and weaknesses in the areas of sentence variety and the use of coordination, subordination, and transition words to show logical relation-ships. At the end of the unit, your students will edit their paragraphs, applying what they have learned from the chapter. Th e students will then compare their paragraphs with the original, paying particular attention to the use of connecting words.


rate of speed. Th en ask your students to take notes while you read the paragraph again; emphasize that the notes will be essential when they write their paragraphs.

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92 | CONNECTING IDEAS IN EXPOSITORY WRITING JUVENILE JUSTICE

Alternatively, write a series of key words or phrases on the board to guide your students.

2. Ask the students to reconstruct what they heard using their notes or the key words. Th ey should compare with each other what they have written and make changes as necessary.



After the Supreme Court agreed to review the juvenile death penalty, Robert Acuna was put on trial for his life. He had killed two elderly neighbors. His youth should have counted in his favor because he was only seventeen. Instead, his brooding adolescent behavior may have hurt him, and the jury sentenced him to die. If the Supreme Court prohibits the execution of juveniles, 71 other juveniles on Death Row will be spared. The Supreme Court will consider whether putting youths on Death Row is cruel and unusual punishment or if it is justifi ed. Teenagers are more likely to confess, and they may not fully understand the justice system. Also, jurors may mistakenly believe that the adolescent brain is fully developed; therefore, those jurors may not be the best judges of whether juveniles should die for their crimes.

Noticing LanguageHow can you connect these sentences to show their logical relationship? Robert Acuna’s youth should have counted in his favor.

He was only 17.

6.1 Connecting Ideas Using CoordinationCoordination is used to connect two ideas that are equally important. Each idea is expressed in a main clause, and the coordinating word comes before the second clause. (A main clause has a subject and a verb. Review chapters One and Two if you are unsure about what a clause is.) main clause comma + coordinating word main clauseExample: Each idea is expressed in a main clause, and the coordinating word comes be-fore the second clause.

Chart 6.1 Th e Meanings of Coordinating Words

Coordinating word Meaning

and addition of equally important ideabut, yet contrast of equally important ideasor choice between two equally important ideasso second clause is the result of the fi rstfor second clause is the cause of the fi rst

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JUVENILE JUSTICE CONNECTING IDEAS IN EXPOSITORY WRITING | 93

Exercise 2: Identifying coordinating words and logical relationshipsTh is exercise is based on Adam Liptak’s “Supreme Court to Rule on Executing Young Killers.”

Directions: Circle the coordinating word and identify the relationship it expresses in the following sentences: 1. Robert Acuna was very nonchalant, and he laughed at inappropriate things.

Logical relationship:

2. His behavior alienated the jury, but he may not have understood what was happening.Logical relationship:

3. Does the small number of juveniles sentenced to Death Row show that the system is working, or does it show that the punishment is cruel and unusual?Logical relationship:

4. Jurors may not believe research about teenage brains, so they may feel that juveniles should be sentenced like adults.Logical relationship:

Look at the commas in the sentences above. Is the rule the same for all the sentences?

Punctuation rule:

6.2 Connecting Ideas Using SubordinationEvery sentence must have a main clause; however, some sentences also have a clause that depends on the main clause to form a complete sentence. Th is clause is called a subordi-nate clause and begins with a subordinating word.

Chart 6.2A Expressing Logical Relationships with Subordination

Reason: because, sinceTime: when, after, while, before, since, as soon as, once, until, wheneverConcession/Contrast: although, though, even though, whileCondition: if, when(ever), unless, otherwiseResult/Purpose: so . . . that, so that, in order that

Example main clause subordinating word subordinate clauseTh e main clause can stand alone while the subordinate clause must be connected to an-other clause.Th e logical relationship between these two clauses is contrast.

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Chart 6.2B Punctuating Sentences with Subordinate Clauses

Subordinate Clause Main ClauseBecause S + V + (Object) , S + V + (Object)Since . . . ,While . . . ,When . . . ,Although . . . ,Main Clause Subordinate ClauseS + V + (Object) because . . . since . . . while . . . when . . . although . . .If the subordinate clause comes fi rst, it is always followed by a comma. If the main clause comes fi rst, no comma is needed.

Exercise 3: Identifying subordinating words and logical relationshipsTh is exercise is based on Adam Liptak’s “Supreme Court to Rule on Executing Young Killers.”

Directions: Circle the subordinating word and identify the relationship it expresses in the following sentences. 1. Whenever a teenager commits a brutal crime, it attracts great publicity.

Logical relationship:

2. Justice Scalia argued for leaving the decision to juries so that the worst of the worst would receive the death penalty.Logical relationship:

3. Since age can shape every aspect of a capital case, questions are raised about how reliable and consistent jurors have been.Logical relationship:

4. Jurors observe juvenile offenders closely so that they can draw conclusions about their guilt. Logical relationship:

5. Although some jurors believe that adolescents have diminished responsibility, others view them as a terrible danger to society.Logical relationship:

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6. When Acuna was in front of the jury, he was nonchalant and laughed at inappropriate things.Logical relationship:

Circle the commas in the sentences. Why do some sentences have commas and others do not?

Punctuation rule:

Problems with subordination

Because/Because of

Because introduces a subordinate clause; because of introduces a noun phrase.Subordinate Clause: Because Mr. Acuna looked tough, the jury thought he was guilty.Noun Phrase: He was convicted because of his age.

While

While can refer to time and mean during; while can also express contrast and mean although.

Time: While Mr. Acuna was on trial, his lawyer tried to make him look young.Contrast: While some jurors believe juveniles should be treated leniently, others believe they should be sentenced like adults.

Since

Since can refer to a particular time in the past; since can express a reason and mean because.

Time: Two years had passed since Simmons had committed the crime.Reason: Th e prosecutor said that Christopher Simmons should be sentenced as an adult since he brutally murdered an elderly couple.

Even though/Even

Even though expresses concession and means the same as although. Even is a modifi er and is used to emphasize that something is surprising or unexpected. It is followed by a noun phrase.

Concession: Even though Tate was not an adult, the prosecutor argued that he should be sentenced as one.Emphasis: Even the most liberal juror might be infl uenced by the brutality of the crime.

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Although/But

Although is a subordinating word that expresses concession. But is a coordinating word that expresses opposition or contrast. Th ey cannot both be used in the same sentence. Concession: Although Nathaniel Brazill was only fourteen years old, he was found guilty of second-degree murder. Contrast: Nathaniel Brazill was only fourteen years old, but he was found guilty of second-degree murder. Incorrect: Although Nathaniel Brazill was only fourteen years old, but he was found guilty of second-degree murder.

6.3 Connecting Ideas Using TransitionsTransitions, like coordinating words, are used to connect ideas that are of equal impor-tance. Th ey join two separate sentences; therefore, either a semicolon or a period must be used at the end of the fi rst sentence. Place the transition at the beginning of the second sentence and always place a comma after the transition.

Example sentence semicolon transition + comma sentence Th ey join two separate sentences ; therefore, either a semicolon or a period must be used at the end of the fi rst sentence.

Exercise 4: Identifying transitions and logical relationshipsTh is exercise is based on Marjie Lundstrom’s “Kids Are Kids—Until Th ey Commit Crimes.”

Directions: Circle the transition and identify the relationship it expresses in the following sentences. 1. Lionel Tate is only fourteen ; however, he might be sentenced to life in prison.

Logical relationship: The fi rst statement makes a contrast to the statement in the second clause. (Both are main clauses.)

2. Teenagers under eighteen are not allowed to smoke, drink, or vote; never-theless, we are eager to try and sentence them as adults when they commit crimes.Logical relationship:

3. We don’t really believe that fourteen-year-olds are adults; otherwise, we would let them vote.Logical relationship:

4. We’ve created an image that teenagers should be feared; meanwhile, juvenile crime is way down.Logical relationship:

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5. Statistics do not bear out the hysteria; for example, the juvenile arrest rate for murder fell 68 percent from 1993 to 1999.Logical relationship:

Circle the semicolons and commas in the sentences above.

Punctuation rule:

Chart 6.3

Words Th at Connect Ideas

Logical Relationship

CoordinatingWords

SubordinatingWords/Phrases

Transition Words/Phrases

Addition and, not only . . . but also, both . . . and

in addition, furthermore, moreover, also, besides

Concession orContrast

but, yet although, though, while, even though, in spite of the fact that, despite the fact that

however, nevertheless, on the other hand, still, in contrast, instead, on the contrary

Alternatives, Choice, or Option

or, nor, either . . . or, neither . . . nor

alternatively, on the other hand

Cause or Reason

for because, since, as, in that therefore, consequently, thus, for that reason

Result so so that, such that as a result, therefore, thus, consequently, for this reason

Purpose so that, in order that, (in order) to*

Condition if, even if, unless, pro-vided that, as long as, when(ever), wherever

otherwise

Time or Sequence

when, after, before, un-til, till, as, while, since, once, now that, when-ever, as soon as, by the time that

then, fi rst, second, third, fi nally, next, afterwards, after that, before that, meanwhile, at fi rst, eventually

Place where, wherever

Comparison or Contrast

but whereas, if similarly, likewise, in contrast

Restatement in other words, that isExample, Generalization, or Conclusion

for example, for instance, in general, overall, in conclusion

*“In order that” is followed by a subordinate clause: In order that juries can be impartial, they have to understand juvenile psychology.“In order to” is followed by a phrase: In order to win sympathy in juvenile trials, defense lawyers try to demonstrate that their clients are just ordinary kids.

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Exercise 5: Using connecting words to join clauses Th is exercise is based on Marjie Lundstrom’s “Kids Are Kids—Until Th ey Commit Crimes.”

Directions: Using Chart 6.3, rewrite the following sentences with alternative connect-ing words and phrases. Make sure the logical relationship stays the same. Check that you have punctuated the sentences correctly. Circle the new connecting word or phrase.

1. Since age can shape every aspect of a capital case, questions are raised about how reliable and consistent jurors have been.Rewrite with a transition:

2. Although some jurors believe that adolescents have diminished responsibil-ity and should be treated leniently, others view them as a terrible danger to society.Rewrite with a coordinating word:

3. Despite the fact that he is only fourteen, Lionel Tate might be sentenced to life in prison. Rewrite with a transition:

4. Teenagers under eighteen are not allowed to smoke, drink, or vote; never-theless, we are eager to try and sentence them as adults when they commit crimes.Rewrite with a subordinating word:

5. We don’t really believe that fourteen-year-olds are adults; otherwise, we would let them vote.Rewrite with a subordinating word:

Exercise 6: Writing sentences using connecting wordsTh is exercise is based on Greg Krikorian’s “Many Kids Called Unfi t for Adult Trial.”

Directions: Using Greg Krikorian’s article “Many Kids Called Unfi t for Adult Trial,” in a small group write original sentences using the three connecting methods. Circle the connecting words and their punctuation and label the kinds of connecting word you used. Make sure that your sentences are accurate and that the connecting word or phrase expresses the correct logical relationship between the ideas. Edit your sentences to be sure they are correctly formed and punctuated.

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1. Thousands of juveniles are tried as adults in the U.S.; however, they may not be competent to stand trial. (transition)

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

6.4 Student Writing

Exercise 7: Editing student writing to make logical connections clearDirections: Use the three ways to combine clauses to improve the following passage from a student essay. Circle the connecting words and the punctuation that you use with them.

Some people would say that teenagers should know right from wrong. Teenagers

are very young. Do we, as teenagers, know right from wrong? We are prone to do

things. They are frowned on by adults. We are in a stage of life. We are most sus-

ceptible to peer pressure. During my own limited research, I have found something

surprising. Teenagers feel the death penalty should be strongly enforced. They

believe teens should be treated as adults. The teenagers I interviewed believed

that we should face the consequences of our actions like adults. Jurors should not

accept excuses like, “Well, I’m just a kid and it was a stupid mistake.” Adults were

faced with the question of whether adolescents should be tried as adults. They said

they didn’t have the “power” or “right” to judge whether someone should die or not.

Teenagers should face up to their actions. They should accept the consequences of

their behavior. The death penalty should not be applied to any person. No one has

the right to judge that someone else should die.

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tion paragraph, and ask your students to read along as you read it out loud. 2. Th en project a student paragraph and discuss with the class the diff erences


3. Return the student paragraphs and ask your students to edit based on what they’ve learned by doing the activities in the chapter. Don’t give them access to the original while they are doing this. Direct your students to combine clauses using connecting words or phrases to express the correct logical relationship between ideas.

4. Ask your students to fi ll in the chart below for the original paragraph and for their paragraphs.

Connecting Word Connecting Method Logical Relationship

Original paragraph

1. after subordination time2.3.4.5.6.7.8.9.Your paragraph1.2.3.4.5.6.7.8.9.

5. “Debrief ” by asking your students what they learned through the comparison and what they can apply to their own writing.

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6.5 Connecting Ideas Using Parallel StructureCoordinating words are used not only to connect main clauses, but also to join other elements in sentences: verb phrases, infi nitives, -ing forms, nouns, noun phrases, adjec-tives, adverbs, and subordinate clauses. When two matching grammatical structures are joined by coordinating words, we call them parallel structures. Using parallel structures shows that the elements are equal and enables writers to write more varied and interesting sentences.

To make elements in a sentence parallel, use the same grammatical form (nouns, adjectives, verbs, phrases, clauses) for each element in the series. Use a conjunction (and, but, or, either . . . or, neither . . . nor) to join the elements.

Parallel Structures Example

Verb phrases Nathaniel Brazill would be tried as an adult and (would)* face life in prison.

Infi nitives His inability to give a reason for his actions or (to)* understand his sentence indicated he was not really an adult.

-ing words Studying the brain and showing how it changes as children grow up may explain the behavior of teens.

Nouns/noun phrases Reporters and advocates for teens ask if new studies explain the erratic behavior of teenagers.

Adjectives I believe the behavior of teens is neither impulsive nor erratic.

Adverbs I don’t believe teens behave either impulsively or erratically.

Subordinate Clauses

that clauses Th e jury ruled that Brazill would be tried as an adult and (that he)* was guilty of second-degree murder.

who clauses Brazill, who looked dazed during his trial and (who)* could not explain why he killed his teacher, was nevertheless tried as an adult.

*Note: Words that are part of a parallel structure do not have to be repeated if they are the same in the second structure. However, it is all right to repeat them to make the parallel structure clear. A pronoun may replace a noun in the second parallel structure.

Exercise 9: Identifying parallel elementsTh is exercise is based on Paul Th ompson’s “Startling Finds on Teenage Brains.”

Directions: Underline the parallel elements in the following sentences.

1. My research group has scanned the brains of kids aged from three to twenty and has pieced together “movies” showing how brains develop.

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2. Language systems and mathematical systems develop at different times.

3. In children, brain growth and skill development occur together.

4. The loss of brain tissue in teenagers was massive and dramatic.

5. Brain cells and connections are lost during the teenage years in the areas controlling impulses, risk-taking, and self-control.

6. The frontal lobes of the brain regulate our emotions and are vastly immature throughout the teenage years.

7. Prosecutors said that he brought a gun to school and that therefore he planned the crime.

8. Scientists say that teenagers, who have lost brain cells and who have less self-control, should not be treated as adults.

Exercise 10: Editing sentences for parallel structureTh is exercise is based on Marjie Lundstrom’s “Kids Are Kids—Until Th ey Commit Crimes.”

Directions: Rewrite the following sentences to make the relevant elements parallel. Underline the parallel elements.

1. A judge will decide whether Lionel Tate is a child or should he be tried as an adult.

2. Kids under eighteen can’t smoke, drink, or going to R movies without our permission.

3. The immaturity of juveniles is the reason why they don’t vote, having curfews, and have their driving privileges restricted.

4. Charging children as adults is inconsistent and unfairly because of their immaturity.

5. Today we see criminal defendants who cannot shave, still playing with fi re trucks, and loved to act out scenes from video games.

6. Kids’ brains are different and still develop.

Exercise 11: Completing sentences with parallel elementsTh is exercise is based on Marjie Lundstrom’s “Kids Are Kids—Until Th ey Commit Crimes.”

Directions: Complete the following sentences by adding parallel elements so that the sentences make sense in the context of the topic of juvenile justice. Underline the parallel elements.

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1. The kids’ crimes are heinous and

2. The zeal to round up kids and

3. The two seemingly “good kids” brutally and

4. The nation’s juvenile arrest rate for murder fell and

5. The media have perpetuated the image of violent children and

6. Research suggests that sentencing adolescents as adults creates career criminals and

6.6 Editing Student Writing

Exercise 12: Editing student writing Th is exercise is based on a student essay on juvenile justice.

Directions: Find the elements in this essay that should be parallel and correct them so that they are parallel. Write the new version on a separate sheet of paper. Th en underline the parallel structures.

As a high school student I am up close and personally with teens every day of my

life. Some of these kids are bright and maturely, but there are others who are obvi-

ously not. I have seen boys snort bleach to make their classmates laugh or drinking

liquid dish soap in order to win 10 dollars. When they were doing these stunts, they

were not thinking that they could be injured or getting sick. All they were thinking

was that they could get a few kicks out of it and made their friends think they were

cool.

Another thing I have seen is teenage emotion. Teenagers have strong emotions and

moody. I have seen brutal fi ghts break out over name calling and insulting. I have

seen a kid breaking down and bawl their eyes out over a failed test. Emotions are

not an excuse for violent behavior, but if you mix emotions with poor decision-

making skills, you are defi nitely in for a disaster.

Exercise 13: Editing your own writing Directions: Choose a paragraph from your essay on juvenile justice.

• Add any connecting words that would make the connections between your ideas clearer.

• Underline the parallel structures that you have used and make sure they are correct.

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• Put a question mark in the margin next to any connecting words or parallel struc-tures that you are unsure about.

Exchange your paragraph with a partner and discuss any questions you have. Check with your teacher if you can’t agree on an answer. Now edit the rest of your essay for connect-ing words and parallel structure errors. Add connecting words or parallel elements as needed.

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Answer Key

Noticing Language(Possible responses)

Robert Acuna’s youth should have counted in his favor, since he was only 17.

Robert Acuna’s youth should have counted in his favor because he was only 17.

He was only 17, so Robert Acuna’s youth should have counted in his favor.

He was only 17; as a result, Robert Acuna’s youth should have counted in his favor.

He was only 17; therefore, Robert Acuna’s youth should have counted in his favor.

Exercise 2: Identifying coordinating words and logical relationships 1. Robert Acuna was very nonchalant, and he laughed at inappropriate things

Logical relationship: Adds one equally important idea to another.

2. His behavior alienated the jury, but he may not have understood what was happening.

Logical relationship: Contrasts two equally important ideas.

3. Does the small number of juveniles sentenced to death show that the system is working, or does it show that the punishment is cruel and unusual?

Logical relationship: Gives alternative between two equally important ideas.

4. Jurors may not believe research about teenage brains, so they may feel that juveniles should be sentenced like adults.

Logical relationship: Second clause is the result of the fi rst.

Punctuation rule: A comma comes after the fi rst clause and before the coordinating word when both clauses are independent.

Exercise 3: Identifying subordinating words and logical relationships 1. Whenever a teenager commits a brutal crime, it attracts great publicity.

Logical relationship: The subordinating clause indicates a condition; the main clause indicates the consequence.

(“Whenever” has the meaning of “if ” and indicates that publicity is the consequence of a teenager committing a crime. Compare to question 6, where “when” indicates time.)

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2. Justice Scalia argued for leaving the decision to juries so that the worst of the worst would receive the death penalty.

Logical relationship: The subordinating clause indicates the conse-quence of the main clause.

(Scalia believed that the result of leaving the decision to juries would be that the worst of the worst would receive the death penalty.)

3. Since age can shape every aspect of a capital case, questions are raised about how reliable and consistent jurors have been.

Logical relationship: The subordinating clause indicates the cause of the event in the main clause.

(Questions are raised because age shapes capital cases.)

4. Jurors examine juvenile offenders closely so that they can draw conclusions about their guilt.

Logical relationship: The subordinating clause indicates the purpose of the event of the main clause.

(Th e purpose of jurors examining juvenile off enders is to be able to draw conclusions.)

5. Although some jurors believe that adolescents have diminished responsibility, others view them as a terrible danger to society.

Logical relationship: The subordinating clause concedes (admits) something that is denied in the main clause; it makes a contrast.

(Some jurors believe adolescents are a terrible risk, but there are other jurors who believe something diff erent—that they have diminished responsibility.)

6. When Acuna was in front of the jury, he was nonchalant and laughed at inappropriate things.

Logical relationship: The subordinating clause indicates that one event happened at the same time as another event.

(While Acuna was on trial, his behavior was unworried and inappropriate.)

Punctuation rule: When the subordinating clause comes fi rst in the sentence, it is followed by a comma. When the main clause is fi rst, there is no comma.

Exercise 4: Identifying transitions and logical relationships 1. Lionel Tate is only fourteen ; however, he might be sentenced to life in prison.

Logical relationship: The fi rst clause makes a contrast to the statement in the second clause. (Both are main clauses.)

(Lionel Tate was only fourteen, but in spite of being only a teenager, he could still be sentenced to life.)

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2. Teenagers under eighteen aren’t allowed to smoke, drink, or vote ; nevertheless, we are eager to try and sentence them as adults when they commit crimes.

Logical relationship: The transition makes a contrast between the statement in the fi rst clause and the one in the second. (Both are main clauses.)

(We treat teenagers as adults when they commit crimes, but in contrast, we treat them as less than adults when it comes to adult privileges.)

3. We don’t really believe that fourteen-year-olds are adults ; otherwise, we would let them vote.

Logical relationship: The transition expresses a condition in the fi rst clause that would be necessary to make the second clause true.

(If we did believe that fourteen-year-olds were adults, we would let them vote.)

4. We’ve created an image that teenagers should be feared ; meanwhile, juvenile crime is way down.

Logical relationship: The transition expresses a time relationship between the two main clauses.

(We’ve created a frightening image of teenagers, and at the same time juvenile crime is down.)

5. Statistics don’t bear out the hysteria ; for example, the juvenile arrest rate for murder fell 68 percent from 1993 to 1999.

Logical relationship: The transition indicates that the second clause gives an example of the statement in the fi rst clause.

(Statistics don’t support the hysteria about juvenile crime. An example of those statistics is the 68 percent drop in the juvenile arrest rate for murder.)

Punctuation rule: A semicolon comes at the end of the fi rst main clause. A comma comes after the transition and is followed by the second main clause.

Exercise 5: Using connecting words to join clauses(Possible responses)

1. Since age can shape every aspect of a capital case, questions are raised about how reliable and consistent jurors have been.

Rewrite with a transition: Age can shape every aspect of a capital case; consequently, questions are raised about how reliable and consistent jurors have been.

2. Although some jurors believe that adolescents have diminished responsibil-ity and should be treated leniently, others view them as a terrible danger to society.

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Rewrite with a coordinating word: Some jurors believe that adoles-cents have diminished responsibility and should be treated leniently, but others view them as a terrible danger to society.

3. Despite the fact that he is only fourteen, Lionel Tate might be sentenced to life in prison.

Rewrite with a transition: Lionel Tate is only fourteen; nevertheless, he might be sentenced to life in prison.

4. Teenagers under eighteen aren’t allowed to smoke, drink, or vote; neverthe-less, we are eager to try and sentence them as adults when they commit crimes.

Rewrite with a subordinating word: Even though teenagers under eighteen aren’t allowed to smoke, drink, or vote, we are eager to try and sentence them as adults when they commit crimes.

5. We don’t really believe that fourteen-year-olds are adults; otherwise, we would let them vote.

Rewrite with a subordinating word: If we really believed fourteen-year-olds were adults, we would let them vote.

(Because rewriting this sentence results in a condition that is true—we don’t believe fourteen-year-olds are adults—we have to change the verb tense in the main clause.)

Exercise 6: Writing sentences using connecting words (Sample responses)

1. Thousands of juveniles are tried as adults in the U.S.; however, they may not be competent to stand trial. (transition)

2. Because 20 percent of fourteen- or fi fteen-year-olds had levels of reasoning comparable to mentally ill adults, experts argue that they are not competent to stand trial. (subordinating word)

3. Age was an important factor in understanding what was hap-pening in court, but previous experience with the law was not. (coordinating word)

4. It’s not clear if young people are wrongly convicted; nevertheless, everyone has a right to understand what’s happening to them in court. (transition)

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5. Eighteen-year-olds appear to function like adults, so it is legal to try them in adult courts. (coordinating word)

6. Sometimes young teenagers confessed to crimes rather than remain silent since they had trouble understanding what would happen to them as a result. (subordinating word)

Exercise 7: Editing student writing to make logical connections clear(Possible responses)

Some people would say that teenagers should know right from wrong ; however,

teenagers are very young. Do we, as teenagers, know right from wrong? We are

prone to do things because they are frowned on by adults. We are in a stage of life

when we are most susceptible to peer pressure. During my own limited research,

I have found something surprising. Teenagers feel the death penalty should be

strongly enforced because they believe teens should be treated as adults. The teen-

agers I interviewed believed that we should face the consequences of our actions

like adults, and jurors should not accept excuses like, “Well, I’m just a kid and it was

a stupid mistake.” When adults were faced with the question of whether adoles-

cents should be tried as adults, they said they didn’t have the “power” or “right” to

judge whether someone should die or not. In sum, teenagers should face up to their

actions and accept the consequences of their behavior. The death penalty should

not be applied to any person since no one has the right to judge that someone else

should die.

(Th e sentence “Teenagers should face up to their actions, and they should accept . . .” can be improved by eliminating “they should” in the second clause. Th is forms a compound verb, so no comma is needed.)

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Exercise 8: Editing your guided composition

Connecting Word Connecting Method Logical RelationshipOriginal Paragraph1. after subordination time2. no connecting word3. because subordination cause 4. and coordination addition5. if subordination condition6. whether (or if) coordination (in

a complement structure)

alternative

7. and coordination addition8. therefore transition result

Exercise 9. Identifying parallel elements Note: Th e grammatical forms of the parallel structures have been labeled for teacher reference; students have been asked only to identify the parts of the sentence that are parallel. verb phrase 1. My research group has scanned the brains of kids aged from three to twenty

verb phrase and has pieced together “movies” showing how brains develop.

noun phrase noun phrase 2. Language systems and mathematical systems develop at different times.

noun phrase noun phrase 3. In children, brain growth and skill development occur together.

adjective adjective 4. The loss of brain tissue in teenagers was massive and dramatic.

noun phrase noun phrase 5. Brain cells and connections are lost during the teenage years in the areas noun phrases controlling impulses, risk-taking, and self-control.

verb phrase verb phrase 6. The frontal lobes of the brain regulate our emotions and are vastly immature

throughout the teenage years.

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subordinate clause (that clause) subordinate clause (that clause) 7. Prosecutors said that he brought a gun to school and that therefore he

planned the crime.

subordinate clause (who clause) subordinate clause (who clause) 8. Scientists say that teenagers, who have lost brain cells and who have less

self-control, should not be treated as adults.

Exercise 10: Editing sentences for parallel structure 1. A judge will decide whether Lionel Tate is a child or should he be tried as an

adult.

A judge will decide whether Lionel Tate is a child or should be tried as an adult. (Th e parallel elements are both verb phrases, although one is in simple present

tense and one is a passive modal.)

2. Kids under eighteen can’t smoke, drink, or going to R movies without our permission.

Kids under eighteen can’t smoke, drink, or go to R movies without permission. 3. The immaturity of juveniles is the reason why they don’t vote, having curfews,

and have their driving privileges restricted.

The immaturity of juveniles is the reason why they don’t vote, have curfews, and have their driving privileges restricted.

4. Charging children as adults is inconsistent and unfairly because of their im-maturity.

Charging children as adults is inconsistent and unfair because of their immaturity.

5. Today we see criminal defendants who cannot shave, still playing with fi re trucks, and loved to act out scenes from video games.

Today we see criminal defendants who cannot shave, still play with fi re trucks, and love to act out scenes from video games.

(Th e parallel elements in this sentence are all “who” clauses: “who cannot shave,” (who) still play with fi re trucks, and (who) love to act out scenes from video games.)

6. Kids’ brains are different and still develop.

Kids’ brains are different and still developing. (Th is parallel structure joins an adjective and a verbal adjective.)

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Exercise 11: Completing sentences with parallel elements(Possible responses)

1. The kids’ crimes are heinous and terrifying.

2. The zeal to round up kids and sentence them as adults is misguided. 3. The two seemingly “good kids” brutally and intentionally committed

murder.

4. The nation’s juvenile arrest rate for murder fell and has continued to fall. 5. The media have perpetuated the image of violent children and teenagers.

6. Research suggests that sentencing adolescents as adults creates career criminals and fails to solve the problem of teenage crime.

Exercise 12: Editing student writing for parallel structure(Sample response)

As a high school student I am up close and (am) personal with teens every day of

my life. Some of these kids are bright and (are) mature, but there are others who

are obviously not (bright and mature). I have seen boys snort bleach to make their

classmates laugh or drink liquid dish soap in order to win 10 dollars. When they

were doing these stunts, they were not thinking that they could be injured or (could)

get sick. All they were thinking was that they could get a few kicks out of it and

(could) make their friends think they were cool.

Another thing I have seen is teenage emotion. Teenagers have strong emotions and

are moody. I have seen brutal fi ghts break out over name calling* and insults. I have

seen a kid break down and bawl his eyes out over a failed test. Emotions are not

an excuse for violent behavior, but if you mix emotions with poor decision-making

skills, you are defi nitely in for a disaster.

*Note: “Name calling” is a noun, not an -ing form of a verb; therefore, the parallel structure requires a noun.

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Chapter Seven

Adding Information to Sentences: Adjective Clauses, Participial Modifi ers, Appositives, and Special PunctuationTh e exercises in Chapter Seven are based on the Last Meow module.

CHAPTER FOCUS: Adding Information to SentencesTh is chapter will examine several ways that writers add information to sentences to clarify and make their meaning as precise as possible.

• Subordinate clauses: adjective clauses• Participial modifi ers• Appositives• Special punctuation for adding information: colons and dashes

Learning to use these methods will enable you to express your ideas eff ectively and con-vincingly.

Exercise 1: Guided composition Th is exercise is based on Burkhard Bilger’s “Th e Last Meow,” parts 2, 3, 5, and 6.

Teaching focus: Th e purpose of this guided composition activity is to elicit a paragraph of student writing on the topic of “Th e Last Meow.” With these paragraphs, you can infor-mally diagnose your students’ strengths and weaknesses in the area of adding information to sentences using subordination, participial modifi ers, appositives, and special punctua-tion. At the end of the unit, your students will edit their paragraphs, applying what they have learned from the chapter. Your students will then compare their paragraphs with the original, paying particular attention to the ways in which information has been added to the sentences.

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114 | ADDING INFORMATION TO SENTENCES LAST MEOW






In 1962 veterinarians, mostly men, were a utilitarian breed, treating mainly farm animals. But by 2000, nearly three-quarters of all students in vet schools were women—and most of them wanted to treat pets. Hospitals sold vets their outdated CAT scan and MRI machines, making high-tech medicine for pets more affordable. Today Americans are enthusiastic owners of exotic pets: potbellied pigs, lizards, snakes, and sugar gliders. Furthermore, 63 percent of pet owners say “I love you” to their pets every day. Jane Goodall, who made a career studying chimpanzees, still believes a dog can be a better friend than anyone else. Pets also provide therapy for people who are sick, possibly speeding up recovery. For example, heart attack victims who had a dog or cat were four times more likely to survive than patients without pets. However, when pets are treated like surrogate children, it is hard to make wise decisions about their life and death.

Noticing LanguageHow many ways can you fi nd to combine the following sentences into one sentence with the same meaning? Which do you like best? Why?

1. In 1962 veterinarians were mostly men.

2. They were a utilitarian breed.

3. They treated mainly farm animals.

7.1 Adjective ClausesAdjectives modify nouns, but clauses—groups of words with a subject and verb—can modify nouns also. We call these adjective clauses, and they are a way to incorporate additional information about nouns without writing a whole new sentence. Th ey are also called relative clauses.

Adjective: Th e sick cat lay in Shawn Levering’s arms.

Two sentences: Th e sick cat lay in Shawn Levering’s arms. Th e cat was suff ering from renal failure.

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LAST MEOW ADDING INFORMATION TO SENTENCES | 115

Adjective clause: Th e sick cat, who was suff ering from renal failure, lay in Shawn Levering’s arms.

Some words that introduce adjective clauses: who, whose, which, and that.

Exercise 2: Identifying adjective clausesTh is exercise is based on Burkhard Bilger’s “Th e Last Meow,” paragraph 11.

Directions: Underline the adjective clauses in the following paragraph. Notice that some of the clauses are set off by commas and others are not. Circle the commas that set off the adjective clauses. Th en try reading each sentence without the adjective clause. Can you tell why the punctuation is diff erent?

Founded in 1910, the Animal Medical Center, which is the world’s largest private

animal hospital, is like the Mayo Clinic for pets. In those days, animal welfare was

a relative term. Offi cers for the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to

Animals carried guns. They used them to kill horses that collapsed from heat and

exhaustion in New York every summer. Women, who could not bear fi rearms,

founded the New York Women’s League for Animals and opened a clinic for

animals. The clinic, which was located on the Lower East Side, was devoted to the

city’s strays and to the pets of poor immigrants. A cat, whose tail had been caught

in a door, was its fi rst patient. The cat was carried across the Brooklyn Bridge by its

owner, who was a young girl.

Punctuation note: If the information in an adjective clause is essential to identify the noun that it modifi es, the clause is not set off by commas. Th is is called a restrictive clause. If the information in an adjective clause is not essential—you would still know exactly what the noun refers to without the clause—the clause is set off with commas. Th is is called a non-restrictive clause. Th at cannot introduce a non-restrictive clause.

Restrictive clause: Th ey used to kill horses that collapsed from heat and exhaustion in New York every summer.

(Th e SPCA offi cers didn’t kill all horses in New York; they killed a particular group of horses—those that had collapsed from heat and exhaustion. You need the informa-tion in the clause to understand which group of horses the writer meant.)

Non-restrictive clause: Founded in 1910, the Animal Medical Center, which is the world’s largest private animal hospital, is like the Mayo Clinic for pets.

(Th e information that the clinic is the world’s largest private animal hospital is extra and is not essential to the sentence; you can identify the clinic by its name.)

Non-restrictive clause: Women, who could not bear fi rearms, founded the New York Women’s League for Animals and opened a clinic for animals. Th e clinic, which was

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located on the Lower East Side, was devoted to the city’s strays and to the pets of poor immigrants.

(Th e information about where the clinic was located is not essential because you can identify the clinic from the information in the previous sentence.)

Exercise 3: Combining sentences using adjective clausesTh is exercise is based on Burkhard Bilger’s “Th e Last Meow,” paragraphs 21 and 22.

Directions: Use the information in the second sentence in each pair to modify a noun in the fi rst sentence. Punctuate the clauses that provide information that is not essential (non-restrictive clauses) with commas. 1. Lady would jump on Karen’s bed at night. She seemed to sense Karen’s

moods and her pain.

Lady, who seemed to sense Karen’s moods and her pain, would jump on Karen’s bed at night.

2. Karen knew that her feelings were partly a misplaced mothering instinct. She had studied psychology.

3. She knew the relationship was particularly intense. The relationship that she had was with Lady.

4. Erika Friedmann studied how heart attack patients responded to social sup-port. She worked as a biologist at Brooklyn College.

5. Karen Allen studied two groups of hypertensive Wall Street stockbrokers. She worked as a researcher at the State University of New York at Buffalo.

6. Six months later, the group had lower blood pressure in a stressful situation. The group had been given pets.

7.2 Participial Modifi ers Participles such as standing and situated are forms of verbs that cannot be used alone as verbs in sentences, but they can be added to sentences to provide additional information. Th ey perform a double job—they can modify a noun or pronoun, just as an adjective does, but they also describe an action in the same way that a verb does.

Participial modifi ers have two forms.• Th e present form, which has an -ing ending (for example, standing)• Th e past form, which has an -ed ending (for example, situated)• Irregular past forms have various endings (for example, given).

Present participle: Standing in the middle of the room, he had the specifi c gravity of a man who knows exactly where to reach for his tools.

“Standing in the middle of the room” describes the subject, “he.” “Standing” is the participle, and “in the middle of the room” completes the participial phrase. Th e

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information in the phrase could be in a separate sentence: “He was standing in the middle of the room.” However, combining it as shown above makes a single strong sentence.

Past participle: Situated on the Lower East Side, the clinic was devoted to the city’s strays.

“Situated on the Lower East Side,” describes the subject, “the clinic,” by giving its location. Th e information could be in a separate sentence: “Th e clinic was situated on the Lower East Side.” However, it is more concise to combine it as shown above.

Exercise 4: Identifying participial modifi ersTh is exercise is based on Burkhard Bilger’s “Th e Last Meow,” paragraphs 16 to 25.

Directions: Circle the participles and underline the words that complete the participial phrases in the following paragraph. Show which noun or pronoun the phrase modifi es by putting a box around it.

I had a cartoonish image of the people who would spend thousands of dollars to

keep their pets alive, but Lady’s owners were different. They could scarcely afford

their sympathies, having limited fi nancial resources. Shawn Levering works with

mentally disabled adults, fi nding them jobs and visiting them at their workplaces.

Recently turned forty, he makes $27,000 a year. His wife, Karen, who is thirty-four,

is the caregiver for a disabled teenager. Scheduled for transplant surgery in the

morning, Lady had made it through dialysis treatment. The Leverings, already facing

debts, will spend more than $15,000 to try to save Lady’s life. They don’t have any

question that it will be worth it.

Punctuation note: Participial modifi ers always provide extra information that is not essential to the main sentence; therefore, you must use commas to set them off from the main clause.

Exercise 5: Combining sentences using participial modifi ersTh is exercise is based on Burkhard Bilger’s “Th e Last Meow,” paragraphs 44 to 46.

Directions: Combine each pair of sentences into a single sentence using participial modifi ers. Punctuate the participial phrases with commas. Notice the sentences can be combined in several diff erent ways. 1. The surgeon shuttled from one side of the surgical table to the other. She

was getting the best angle for the fi nal stitches.

The surgeon, shuttling from one side of the surgical table to the other, was getting the best angle for the fi nal stitches.

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Also possible: The surgeon, getting the best angle for the fi nal stitches, shuttled from one side of the surgical table to the other.

The surgeon shuttled from one side of the surgical table to the other, getting the best angle for the fi nal stitches.

2. The replacement kidney had been without blood for 45 minutes. Could it survive that long and still function?

3. She gave her assistants a weak smile. She said, “Pray to the urine gods.”

4. The renal artery and vein hung limply. They looked like guy wires from a defl ating blimp, but then, little by little, they began to stiffen, stretch, and expand.

5. The surgeon sliced open the bladder. She fl ipped it inside out. She cut a small hole in the side.

6. Her assistants crowded around. They craned their necks.

7. She froze. She said, “A new kidney making urine. There’s nothing better than that.”

7.3 AppositivesAppositives are an even more concise way to add information to sentences than adjective clauses or participial modifi ers. Appositives are formed when a noun or a noun phrase adds information to another noun or noun phrase (or the pronoun that stands for it). Either noun or noun phrase can be deleted and the sentence will still make sense. You can think of an equal sign between the two appositives: each side means the same as the other.

Appositives: Shawn Levering glanced down at his cat, Lady .

“Cat” and “Lady” are appositives; they both refer to the same cat.

Cat = Lady

Two separate sentences: Th e Animal Medical Center (AMC) is one of the largest private animal hospitals. When the AMC was founded, “animal welfare” was a relative term.

Appositives: When the Animal Medical Center, one of the largest private animal hospitals, was founded, “animal welfare” was a relative term.

Punctuation note: Th e second appositive in a sentence is not necessary to understand the sentence; all the information you need is in the fi rst appositive. Th erefore, the second appositive is set off by commas.

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Exercise 6: Identifying appositivesTh is exercise is based on Burkhard Bilger’s “Th e Last Meow.”

Directions: Underline the appositives in the following sentences. Find the two nouns or pronouns that are equivalent and join them below with an equal sign (think of it as an appositive equation.) 1. The veterinarian, Cathy Langston, nodded, her eyes on Lady.

The veterinarian = Cathy Langston 2. One patient at the hospital was a duck, Nip-Nip, who had swallowed a metal

object.

3. The current director of the hospital, Guy Pidgeon, has lived through both halves of the history of veterinary medicine.

4. Jimmy, a fat brown tabby cat with a cream belly, slinked* warily past Bogart, a scruffy white tom lounging on the couch.

5. Jack, the failed kidney donor, was being adopted by a vet at the hospital.

*Th e usual past form of the verb “slink” is “slunk.” However, Bilger has used the less-common form “slinked” in “Th e Last Meow.”

Exercise 7: Combining sentences using appositives Th is exercise is based on Burkhard Bilger’s “Th e Last Meow,” paragraphs 16 to 28.

Directions: Combine each pair of sentences into a single sentence using appositives. Punctuate the appositives with commas. 1. J. Paul Getty was a billionaire oil magnate. He wouldn’t fl y home when his

son died, but he spent three days weeping after his dog’s death.

J. Paul Getty, a billionaire oil magnate, wouldn’t fl y home when his son died, but he spent three days weeping after his dog’s death.

2. The cats are kept to provide a supply of donated kidneys. They are strays and lab animals.

3. Bogart was stone deaf and deeply irritable. The cat was found starving at a 7-Eleven by Karen.

4. Anthrozoos is a scholarly journal. It publishes articles about using pets as therapy for the sick.

5. Lilian Aronson was fi lled with pleasurable dread of the surgery that lay ahead. She was the head surgeon.

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7.4 Special Punctuation for Adding InformationWriters have other resources when they want to add information to sentences. Th ey can use special punctuation to show that they are adding information that is useful but not essential to the meaning of the sentence.

Colon: Th e colon is used to introduce a list, an example, or other information that ex-plains what comes before.

Th ere were risks : clotting, internal bleeding, dangerous drops in blood pressure. (“Clotting, internal bleeding, dangerous drops in blood pressure” all are examples of the kinds of risks that would accompany a kidney transplant.)Th e other X-ray showed a long, elegant spine strung with eight perfect ovals : a corn snake with a clutch of eggs stuck in her birth canal. (“A corn snake with a clutch of eggs stuck in her birth canal” explains why there are the “eight perfect ovals” in the X-ray. Note that the phrase is not simply part of an appositive. We can’t say “ovals = a corn snake.”)

Dash: Dashes are used in place of commas or parentheses because they are slightly less formal. Dashes set off words that add information not essential to understanding the sentence. If the words are inserted in the middle of the sentence, dashes have to be used on both sides of the added information.

Th roughout the years, the city has been swept by vogues for potbellied pigs, Day-Glo anole lizards, and sugar gliders—a nectar-eating Australian marsupial. (“A nectar-eating Australian marsupial” explains what a sugar glider is, but it is not essential for the sentence. It could have been punctuated with a comma because it is an appositive: sugar gliders = marsupials.)Luckily, Jasper—Jack’s littermate—was available for surgery, and his blood type was a match for Lady’s. (“Jack’s littermate” tells us who Jasper is. It adds information and is an appositive for Jasper. Because it comes in the middle of the sentence, dashes are needed on both sides.)Dogs, cats, and most other pets hovered somewhere in category three: just a little too dim—or poorly understood—to earn our highest regard. (Th is sentence uses a colon to introduce an explanation of why most pets fi t into category three. It uses dashes to insert an alternative explanation for why we don’t believe pets are terribly intelligent.)

Exercise 8: Combining sentences using special punctuation—dashes and colonsTh is exercise is based on Burkhard Bilger’s “Th e Last Meow,” paragraphs 16 to 28.

Directions: Combine each pair of sentences into a single sentence using dashes or colons. Make other needed changes (such as changing nouns to pronouns or adding connecting words) to make the new sentence as concise as possible.

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1. By 2000, nearly three-quarters of all vet school students were women. And most of the women wanted to treat pets.

By 2000, nearly three-quarters of all vet school students were women—and most of them wanted to treat pets.

2. Guy Pidgeon was born on a farm in western Nebraska in 1947. You would never guess to look at Pidgeon that he was born on a farm.

3. The results of the stress tests were unequivocal. Pets made people’s blood pressure drop; spouses made it shoot up.

4. Although the surgeon’s success rate is high, the procedure still fi lls her with pleasurable dread. Ninety-four percent of the surgeon’s patients leave the hospital alive.

5. The implicit value of pets goes up with all the new treatments. Some of those treatments are radiation therapy, MRIs, and experimental cancer vaccines.

6. Do animals feel enough pleasure to make surviving worthwhile? Do animals feel enough joy in the sheer fact of existence?


Exercise 9: Editing student writingTh is exercise is based on a student essay on “Th e Last Meow.”

Directions: Combine the sentences in this student essay to make the sentences fl ow more eff ectively. You should use the following techniques from this chapter and the preceding chapters.

• Subordinate clauses (including who clauses and that clauses)• Participial modifi ers (-ing and -ed verb forms)• Appositives• Parallel structures• Colons and dashes

Burkhard Bilger is the author of “The Last Meow.” “The Last Meow” is an article

from The New Yorker. He argues that pet owners spend excessive amounts of

their income on their animals. He says the pet owners are out of control. He cites

extraordinary medical procedures. They cost thousands of dollars. He also cites

extravagant purchases to ensure the creatures’ comfort. Finally, he cites the cost

of caring for our pets. I, however, must ask, “Can you really assign a dollar-value

to companionship and unconditional love?” I disagree with Bilger’s argument. I

disagree because pets are an invaluable part of most Americans’ lives.

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A local hospital has a pediatric cancer ward. A man visits weekly. He brings happi-

ness and joy with him to terminally ill children. No, he is not a clown. He does not

make balloon animals. He is a retiree with his dog. The dog is a mutt he rescued as

a puppy. The pet owner has been able to introduce laughter into the hospital. The

hospital is a place more often fi lled with tears. He had to spend a lot of money to

train and raise the dog. Was the cost worth it, or should he have left the dog in the

animal shelter?

Exercise 10: Editing your guided compositionDirections to the Teacher 1. Use an overhead projector or computer to project the guided composition para-

graph and ask your students to read along as you read it out loud. Underline the information added to the paragraph using adjective clauses, participial modifi ers, appositives, and special punctuation.

2. Th en project a student paragraph and discuss with the class the diff erences between the original and the student paragraph (both paragraphs need to be projected simultaneously).

3. Return the student paragraphs and ask your students to revise by adding any information they left out based on what they’ve learned in this chapter. Don’t give them access to the original while they are doing this.

4. Ask the students to compare their edited versions with the original. 5. “Debrief ” by asking your students what they learned through the comparison and


Exercise 11: Editing your own writingDirections: Choose a paragraph from your essay on “Th e Last Meow.” Where could you add information and specifi c details that would make your ideas clearer and more interesting? Where could you combine sentences to make them more concise?

Use techniques from this chapter and the preceding chapters.• Subordinate clauses (including who clauses and that clauses)• Participial modifi ers (-ing and -ed verb forms)• Appositives• Parallel structures• Colons and dashes

Put a question mark in the margin next to any techniques that you are unsure about.

Next, exchange your paragraph with a partner and discuss any questions you have.

Now edit the rest of your essay by adding information and combining sentences.

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Answer Key

Noticing Language(Possible responses)

In 1962, veterinarians, mostly men, were a utilitarian breed, treating mainly farm animals.

Veterinarians—mostly men in 1962—treated mainly farm animals and were a utilitarian breed.

A utilitarian breed, veterinarians in 1962 were mostly men and treated mainly farm animals.

Treating mainly farm animals, in 1962 veterinarians were a utilitarian breed of mostly men.

Exercise 2: Identifying adjective clauses

Founded in 1910, the Animal Medical Center, which is the world’s largest private

animal hospital, is like the Mayo Clinic for pets. In those days, animal welfare was

a relative term. Offi cers for the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to

Animals carried guns. They used them to kill horses that collapsed from heat and

exhaustion in New York every summer. Women, who could not bear fi rearms,

founded the New York Women’s League for Animals and opened a clinic for

animals. The clinic, which was located on the Lower East Side, was devoted to the

city’s strays and to the pets of poor immigrants. A cat, whose tail had been caught

in a door, was its fi rst patient. The cat was carried across the Brooklyn Bridge by its

owner, who was a young girl.

Exercise 3: Combining sentences using adjective clauses 1. Lady would jump on Karen’s bed at night. She seemed to sense Karen’s

moods and her pain.

Lady, who seemed to sense Karen’s moods and her pain, would jump on Karen’s bed at night.

2. Karen knew that her feelings were partly a misplaced mothering instinct. She had studied psychology.

Karen, who had studied psychology, knew that her feelings were partly a misplaced mothering instinct.

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3. She knew the relationship was particularly intense. The relationship that she had was with Lady.

She knew that the relationship that she had with Lady was particularly intense.

4. Erika Friedmann studied how heart attack patients responded to social sup-port. She worked as a biologist at Brooklyn College.

Erika Friedmann, who worked as a biologist at Brooklyn College, studied how heart attack patients responded to social support.

5. Karen Allen studied two groups of hypertensive Wall Street stockbrokers. She worked as a researcher at the State University of New York at Buffalo.

Karen Allen, who was a researcher at the State University of New York at Buffalo, studied two groups of hypertensive Wall Street brokers.

6. Six months later, the group had lower blood pressure in a stressful situation. The group had been given pets.

Six months later, the group that had been given pets had lower blood pressure in a stressful situation.

Exercise 4: Identifying participial modifi ers

I had a cartoonish image of the people who would spend thousands of dollars to

keep their pets alive, but Lady’s owners were different. They could scarcely afford

their sympathies, having limited fi nancial resources. Shawn Levering works with

mentally disabled adults, fi nding them jobs and visiting them at their workplaces.

Recently turned forty, he makes $27,000 a year. His wife, Karen, who is thirty-four,

is the caregiver for a disabled teenager. Scheduled for transplant surgery in the

morning, Lady had made it through dialysis treatment. The Leverings, already facing

debts, will spend more than $15,000 to try to save Lady’s life. They don’t have any

question that it will be worth it.

Exercise 5: Combining sentences using participial modifi ers 1. The surgeon shuttled from one side of the surgical table to the other. She

was getting the best angle for the fi nal stitches.

The surgeon, shuttling from one side of the surgical table to the other, was getting the best angle for the fi nal stitches.

Also possible: The surgeon, getting the best angle for the fi nal stitches, shuttled from one side of the surgical table to the other.

The surgeon shuttled from one side of the surgical table to the other, getting the best angle for the fi nal stitches.

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2. The replacement kidney had been without blood for 45 minutes. Could it survive that long and still function?

Could the replacement kidney, having been without blood for 45 minutes, survive that long and still function?

3. She gave her assistants a weak smile. She said, “Pray to the urine gods.”

Giving her assistants a weak smile, she said, “Pray to the urine gods.”

Also possible: Saying, “Pray to the urine gods,” she gave her assistants a weak smile.

4. The renal artery and vein hung limply. They looked like guy wires from a defl ating blimp, but then, little by little, they began to stiffen, stretch, and expand.

The renal artery and vein hung limply, looking like guy wires from a defl ating blimp, but then, little by little, they began to stiffen, stretch, and expand.

5. The surgeon sliced open the bladder. She fl ipped it inside out. She cut a small hole in the side.

The surgeon sliced open the bladder, fl ipping it inside out and cutting a small hole in the side.

Also possible: The surgeon, slicing open the bladder, fl ipped it inside out and cut a small hole in the side.

6. Her assistants crowded around. They craned their necks.

Craning their necks, her assistants crowded around. Also possible: Crowding around, her assistants craned their

necks. 7. She froze. She said, “A new kidney making urine. There’s nothing better than

that.”

Freezing, she said, “A new kidney making urine. There’s nothing better than that.”

Exercise 6: Identifying appositives 1. The veterinarian, Cathy Langston, nodded, her eyes on Lady.

The veterinarian = Cathy Langston 2. One patient at the hospital was a duck, Nip-Nip, who had swallowed a metal

object.

A duck = Nip-Nip 3. The current director of the hospital, Guy Pidgeon, has lived through both

halves of the history of veterinary medicine.

The current director of the hospital = Guy Pidgeon

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4. Jimmy, a fat brown tabby cat with a cream belly, slinked warily past Bogart, a scruffy white tom lounging on the couch.

Jimmy = a fat brown tabby cat with a cream belly Bogart = a scruffy white tom lounging on the couch 5. Jack, the failed kidney donor, was being adopted by a vet at the hospital.

Jack = the failed kidney donor

Exercise 7: Combining sentences using appositives 1. J. Paul Getty was a billionaire oil magnate. He wouldn’t fl y home when his

son died, but he spent three days weeping after his dog’s death.

J. Paul Getty, a billionaire oil magnate, wouldn’t fl y home when his son died, but he spent three days weeping after his dog’s death.

2. The cats are kept to provide a supply of donated kidneys. They are strays and lab animals.

The cats, strays and lab animals, are kept to provide a supply of donated kidneys.

3. Bogart was stone deaf and deeply irritable. The cat was found starving at a 7-Eleven by Karen.

Bogart, the cat found starving at a 7-Eleven by Karen, was stone deaf and deeply irritable.

4. Anthrozoos is a scholarly journal. It publishes articles about using pets as therapy for the sick.

Anthrozoos, a scholarly journal, publishes articles about using pets as therapy for the sick.

5. Lilian Aronson was fi lled with pleasurable dread of the surgery that lay ahead. She was the head surgeon.

Lilian Aronson, the head surgeon, was fi lled with pleasurable dread of the surgery that lay ahead.

Exercise 8: Combining sentences using dashes and colons 1. By 2000, nearly three-quarters of all vet school students were women. And

most of the women wanted to treat pets.

By 2000, nearly three-quarters of all vet school students were women—and most of them wanted to treat pets.

2. Guy Pidgeon was born on a farm in western Nebraska in 1947. You would never guess to look at Pidgeon that he was born on a farm.

Guy Pidgeon was born on a farm in western Nebraska in 1947—although you would never guess it to look at him.

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3. The results of the stress tests were unequivocal. Pets made people’s blood pressure drop; spouses made it shoot up.

The results of the stress tests were unequivocal: pets made people’s blood pressure drop; spouses made it shoot up.

4. Although the surgeon’s success rate is high, the procedure still fi lls her with pleasurable dread. Ninety-four percent of the surgeon’s patients leave the hospital alive.

Although the surgeon’s success rate is high—94 percent of her patients leave the hospital alive—the procedure still fi lls her with pleasurable dread.

5. The implicit value of pets goes up with all the new treatments. Some of those new treatments are radiation therapy, MRIs, and experimental cancer vaccines.

The implicit value of pets goes up with all the new treatments: radiation therapy, MRIs, and experimental cancer vaccines.

6. Do animals feel enough pleasure to make surviving worthwhile? Do animals feel enough joy in the sheer fact of existence?

Do animals feel enough pleasure—enough joy in the sheer fact of existence—to make surviving worthwhile?


Burkhard Bilger, the author of “The Last Meow,” an article from The New Yorker,

argues that pet owners spend excessive amounts of their income on their animals.

He says the pet owners are out of control, citing extraordinary medical procedures

that cost thousands of dollars, extravagant purchases to ensure the creatures’ com-

fort, and the cost of caring for our pets. I, however, must ask, “Can you really assign

a dollar-value to companionship and unconditional love?” I disagree with Bilger’s

argument because pets are an invaluable part of most Americans’ lives.

A local hospital has a pediatric cancer ward where a man visits weekly, bringing

happiness and joy with him to terminally ill children. No, he is not a clown making

balloon animals. He is a retiree with his dog, a mutt he rescued as a puppy. The pet

owner, who had to spend a lot of money to train and raise the dog, has been able to

introduce laughter into the hospital, a place more often fi lled with tears. Was it worth

the cost, or should he have left the dog in the animal shelter?

129

Chapter Eight

Writing About What Others SayTh e exercises in Chapter Eight are based on the Into the Wild module.

CHAPTER FOCUS:

Writing About the Words and Ideas of Others Much of academic writing is based on analyzing and evaluating what others have said. To create arguments, you can incorporate the words and ideas of other writers into your own writing using summary, paraphrase, and quotation. You may choose to use these tech-niques for the following purposes.

• To enable a reader to understand the main ideas of a text that you are writing about.

• To provide support or evidence for assertions in your argument.• To place your own argument into the context of what others have said.• To provide diff erent points of view on the subject.• To agree or disagree with a position.• To use particularly eff ective language from an original source.

Th is chapter, based on Jon Krakauer’s book Into the Wild, examines the language that you can use to write about what others say. It will also examine the process that you need to go through to incorporate their words into your own.

Exercise 1: Guided composition Th is exercise is based on Chapter One, “Th e Alaska Interior.”

Teaching focus: Th e purpose of this guided composition activity is to elicit a paragraph of student writing on the topic of Into the Wild. With these paragraphs, you can informally diagnose your students’ strengths and weaknesses in the area of integrating the words of others into their writing. At the end of the unit, your students will edit their paragraphs, applying what they have learned from the chapter. Your students will then compare their paragraphs with the original, paying particular attention to the ways in which the words of others have been added to the sentences.

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130 | WRITING ABOUT WHAT OTHERS SAY INTO THE WILD



2. Ask the students to reconstruct what they heard using their notes or the key words. Th e students should compare with each other what they have written and make changes as necessary.



The last person to see Chris McCandless alive was a man named Jim Gallien. Gallien asked the young man for his name. “Alex; just Alex,” he replied. He said that he intended to live off the land for a few months. Gallien recalled, “He wasn’t carrying anywhere near as much food as you’d expect for that kind of trip.” Accord-ing to Gallien, “Living in the bush is no picnic.” He added that “Alex admitted that the only food in his pack was a 10-pound bag of rice.” He told Gallien that he didn’t need any other gear or a hunting license. He said, “How I feed myself is none of the government’s business.” When he said good-bye, Alex gave Gallien his watch. He said, “I don’t want to know what day it is or where I am. None of that matters.”

Noticing LanguageWho is speaking in these sentences? Is the person speaking directly, or is someone repeat-ing what another person said? How do you know? 1. “Alex, just Alex,” Chris replied.

2. He said that he intended to live off the land for a few months.

3. According to Gallien, “Living in the bush is no picnic.”

4. He told Gallien that he didn’t need any other gear or a hunting license.

8.1 SummaryA summary is a shortened version of a fairly long piece of text: an article, a chapter, or a whole book. When you write a summary, you cannot assume that your readers are famil-iar with the text that you are writing about or agree with you about it. By summarizing what you have read, you can

• Enable readers who are unfamiliar with the text to understand your analysis and conclusions.

• Enable readers who are already familiar with the text to judge whether your under-standing of the text is the same as theirs.

Identifying the Source and the AuthorA summary should identify the text that is being summarized, including the title and

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INTO THE WILD WRITING ABOUT WHAT OTHERS SAY | 131

the name of the author. Use the author’s full name the fi rst time you refer to him or her. After that, use only the last name. Never refer to an author by just his or her fi rst name.

Incorrect: In Into the Wild, Jon writes about his own experiences as a mountain climber. Jon draws parallels between his attempt to climb the Devil’s Th umb and Chris McCandless’s journey into the Alaskan wilderness.

Correct: In Into the Wild, Jon Krakauer writes about his own experiences as a mountain climber. Krakauer draws parallels between his attempt to climb the Devil’s Th umb and Chris McCandless’s journey into the Alaskan wilderness.

Choosing the Time FrameFor your summary, you can choose to use either the past time frame or the present time frame, which is called “the historical present.” Using the present time frame makes the events seem more immediate and interesting even though your readers know the events actually occurred in the past.

Exercise 2: Using the past time frame to summarize Into the WildDirections: Fill in the blanks below with the correct form of the verb in parentheses. For the summary, use verbs in the past time frame. Note: some verbs are in the passive voice.

Into the Wild, by Jon Krakauer, ___________ (publish) in 1996. It ____________ (tell) the story of Christopher McCandless, a young man who ___________ (go) to Alaska to try to fi nd out about himself and about life. In doing this, he __________ (inspire) by great writers like Thoreau, whose book, Walden, ____________ (offer) his refl ec-tions on living apart from mainstream life. However, McCandless ____________ (be) unprepared for the brutality of the Alaskan wild. He ____________ (make) crucial mistakes that ____________ (lead) to his death and ____________ (leave) his family to grieve for him.

Exercise 3: Using the present time frame (historical present) to summarize Into the WildDirections: Fill in the blanks below with the correct form of the verb in parentheses. For the summary, use verbs in the present time frame (historical present). Note: some verbs are in the passive voice.

Into the Wild, by Jon Krakauer, ___________ (publish) in 1996. It ____________ (tell) the story of Christopher McCandless, a young man who ___________ (go) to Alaska to try to fi nd out about himself and about life. In doing this, he __________ (inspire) by great writers like Thoreau whose book, Walden, ____________ (offer) his refl ec-tions on living apart from mainstream life. However, McCandless ____________ (be) unprepared for the brutality of the Alaskan wild. He ____________ (make) crucial mistakes that ____________ (lead) to his death and ____________ (leave) his family to grieve for him.

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Exercise 4: Summarizing part of a chapterTh is exercise is based on Chapter Eight, “Alaska.”

Directions: Write a summary of the story of Gene Rosellini. (Begin with the paragraph that starts, “And then there was the wayward genius . . .” and end with the paragraph that starts, “Th e trip never got off the ground.”) Use the following sentence to start your sum-mary. Notice that it will determine the time frame for your summary:

In Chapter Eight, “Alaska,” Jon Krakauer reports that many Alaskans thought that Chris McCandless was just another young rebel. They compared him to Gene Rosellini, who . . .

8.2 ParaphraseExpository writing often involves evaluating texts written by others. Th e fi rst step is to tell your readers what the author said by either quoting or paraphrasing. Quoting is most eff ective for short pieces of text, such as a few distinctive words or sentences. Paraphras-ing is helpful when you want to communicate the main ideas of the text and avoid long quotes.

As you write about an author’s work, it is essential to avoid plagiarism. Plagiarism is the act of using someone else’s words or ideas as though they were your own. Sometimes in-experienced writers feel that it is all right to “borrow” from a text in order to make their own writing better. However, other people’s writing is their intellectual property. Using that writing without appropriate credit is the equivalent of stealing. You can fail an entire course or even be expelled if you are caught plagiarizing.

Writers use two approaches to avoid plagiarism. One is to quote the writer’s exact words using quotation marks and providing the name of the author and the source of the words. Another way is to paraphrase the writer’s words. When you put the writer’s ideas into your own words, you can’t just move the author’s words around; to avoid plagiariz-ing, you must explain the author’s ideas completely in your own words. In both cases, you must indicate whose words or ideas you are using and what the source of those words or ideas is. Th is is usually accomplished through citations. When you are editing your essay, check that you have quoted or paraphrased accurately and that you have given the source correctly. Your readers will judge your credibility as a writer, in part, by the preci-sion with which you quote and paraphrase.

Here are some examples of paraphrasing.

Krakaurer’s actual words“Driving west out of Atlanta, he intended to invent an utterly new life for himself, one in which he would be free to wallow in unfi ltered experience. To symbolize the com-plete severance from his previous life, he even adopted a new name. No longer would he answer to Chris McCandless; McCandless was now Alexander Supertramp, master of his own destiny.”

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Paraphrase of Krakauer’s wordsKrakauer concluded that when Chris McCandless left home, he hoped to create a new identity and divorce himself from his old life. To show that he was completely free of his past and open to new experiences, McCandless took a new name: Alexander Supertramp (23).

(Th e writer gives us a perspective on what he is paraphrasing by using “concluded” to introduce it. Th e idea of the passage is expressed in diff erent words. Th e writer doesn’t have to put quotation marks around “Alexander Supertramp” because it is a name.)

Paraphrase that includes quoted materialKrakauer concluded that when Chris McCandless left home, he hoped to create a new identity and divorce himself from his old life, leaving him “free to wallow in unfi ltered experience.” To show that he was completely free of his past, McCandless took a new name: Alexander Supertramp (23).

(Th e writer uses a quotation because being “free to wallow in unfi ltered experience” implies a judgment about McCandless on Krakauer’s part—that he was perhaps being self-indulgent—that the simple paraphrase doesn’t capture. It is also a case where the author’s words are particularly expressive and, therefore, worth preserving in the paraphrase.)

Guidelines for Paraphrasing• Reread the passage that you intend to paraphrase. Check any unfamiliar words in a

dictionary so you are sure you understand the passage accurately.• Write your paraphrase without looking back at the passage. Use your own words.• Check what you have written against the original to make sure it is accurate. Make

any needed changes.• If you have used any distinctive words or phrases from the original, put quotation

marks around them.• Make sure you have included the name of the author, the name of the source (if

not already given), and the page reference for the passage you have paraphrased.

Exercise 5: Paraphrasing a paragraphTh is exercise is based on the last paragraph of Chapter Eight, “Alaska.”

Directions: Write a paraphrase of the following paragraph (the last paragraph in Chap-ter Eight). Be careful to use all your own words; do not use any quotes. Also, check any words that are unfamiliar in your dictionary to ensure that your paraphrase is accurate.

“McCandless didn’t conform particularly well to the bush-casualty* stereotype.

Although he was rash, untutored in the ways of the backcountry, and incautious to

the point of foolhardiness, he wasn’t incompetent—he wouldn’t have lasted 113

days if he were. And he wasn’t a nutcase, he wasn’t a sociopath, he wasn’t an

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outcast. McCandless was something else—although precisely what is hard to say.

A pilgrim, perhaps” (85).

*“Bush” means wild, uncleared country; a bush-casualty is someone who has gone into the wilderness and not survived.

8.3 QuotationWriters choose to quote when the author’s words are especially distinctive or when the meaning might be lost in a paraphrase. Sometimes this means that a writer will quote whole sentences or even a whole paragraph. Often, however, the best strategy is to use a single sentence or even a phrase from the text and incorporate it into your own words about the text.

Quoting multiple sentencesJon Krakauer in Into the Wild observes, “Alaska has long been a magnet for dreamers and misfi ts, people who think the unsullied enormity of the Last Frontier will patch all the holes in their lives. Th e bush is an unforgiving place, however, that cares nothing for hope or longing” (4).

Quoting a single sentenceKrakauer describes the way in which Alaska has always attracted people who hope to escape the problems in their lives. Th ey often fi nd new problems, however, because “the bush is an unforgiving place . . . that cares nothing for hope or longing” (4).

Quoting a phraseKrakauer calls Alaska “a magnet for dreamers and misfi ts” (4). According to him, people try to escape their problems by going into the wilderness, but they discover that the wilderness has no sympathy for their dreams.

Guidelines for Quoting• Always introduce the quotation using your own words. Use a variety of verbs to

introduce quotations and to suggest how you feel about the quotation. (See section 8.4 for more information about how to do this).

• Fit the grammatical structure of the quotation into the grammatical structure of your own sentence.

• Give the author’s full name the fi rst time you refer to him or her. After that, use only the last name. Put the page number at the end of the quote.

• Give the name of the source the fi rst time you quote from it. Underline or use ital-ics for books, movies, and longer works: Into the Wild. Use quotation marks for the titles of articles, essays, and chapters in books: “Th e Stikine Ice Cap.”

• If the quotation is longer than four lines (for example, see the quotation in Exercise 5), introduce it with a colon and indent the whole quotation.

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• If you leave words out of the quotation, indicate the omission with ellipses (three spaced periods: . . .). If you insert words, put them in brackets ([ ]) to show that they were not in the original text.

Keeping sentences grammatically correct when quotingWhen you integrate a quotation into your own writing, your words and the quoted words must fi t together grammatically. Th is means that you have to be careful about what you quote and where you insert the quotation. You may also have to make changes within the quote, in which case you need to put brackets around the changed words.

Krakauer’s actual words“Th at put us into a kind of a tizzy,” Walt admits. Both Billie and I come from blue-collar families. A college degree is something we don’t take lightly, OK, and we worked hard to be able to send our kids to good schools. So Billie sat him down and said, ‘Chris, if you really want to make a diff erence in the world, if you really want to help people who are less fortunate, get yourself some leverage fi rst. Go to college, get a law degree, and then you’ll be able to have a real impact’” (114).**Th is shows how to punctuate a quotation within another quotation. Krakauer is quoting McCandless’s father, who is quoting his mother.

Incorporating a sentenceMcCandless’s parents were upset when he told them that he wasn’t going to college. His mother Billie advised him, “Chris, if you really want to make a diff erence in the world, if you really want to help people who are less fortunate, get yourself some leverage fi rst” (114).

Incorporating part of a sentenceMcCandless’s parents were upset when he told them that he wasn’t going to college. His mother Billie advised Chris that if he “really want[ed] to make a diff erence in the world,” he should go to law school before he tried to help the homeless and the poor (114).

Exercise 6: Incorporating quotationsTh is exercise is based on Chapter Eight, “Alaska.”

Directions: Write a short paragraph in which you explain what you think McCandless’s motivation was for going into the wilderness. Incorporate one or more quotations from Chapter Eight, “Alaska.” Remember that you can agree or disagree with Krakauer’s inter-pretation that McCandless did not want or plan to die.

8.4 Introducing Quotations Writers try to make their writing interesting by choosing words that are precise and varied. It is possible to introduce every quotation with “He said . . .”, but it will produce

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boring and repetitive writing. Krakauer uses a variety of colorful verbs to introduce quotations. He also varies the tenses that he uses to introduce quotations.

• Past tense (1) Used to indicate that the speech occurred in the past; the most com-mon tense used for quoting and reporting speech; (2) used when telling a story in past.

• Present tense. Used for vividness, to create the sense that the past action is occur-ring as we speak.

• Present perfect tense. Used to show the past event is linked to the present.• Past perfect tense. Used to show the action occurred before something else in the

past.

Exercise 7: Identifying verbs that introduce the words of othersTh is exercise is based on Chapter 17, “Th e Stampede Trail.”

Directions: Use the chart to fi nd locations for the indicated quotes in Chapter 17. Read the passage where the quotation or reported speech occurs. Identify the verb tense that Krakauer uses and explain why you think he used that particular tense. (Review Chapter Four on verbs before you begin.)

Phrase introducing a quote or reported speech

Page Verb tense Reason for tense

1. Roman shouts 173 present Krakauer is telling the story of his trip to the bus in the present (present narration).

2. Horowitz . . . had mused that

174

3. both men insisted . . . that

177

4. Thompson had told me 1775. Samel had scornfully

piped in177

6. one Alaska correspondent observed

177

7. Roman remarks 1788. Muir rapturously

describes182

9. Andrew Liske points out 18310. Paul Shephard has

observed183

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Additional Verbs to Introduce Quotes and Reported Speech

explains argues maintains suggests discussesnotes claims believes recommends questionsadmits insists asserts advises exploresrefl ects feels doubts shows asksobserves stresses emphasizes concludes examines

When you use the verbs in the fi rst four columns to introduce reported speech, you will use the pattern: subject + verb + “that” clause.

Roman stressed that “living off the land . . . is incredibly diffi cult” (185).

When you use the verbs in the last column to introduce reported speech, you will use the pattern: subject + verb + noun phrase (including phrases that begin with a question word):

Krakauer explores how diffi cult it is for adults “to recall how forcefully we were once buff eted by the passions and longings of youth” (186).

As a writer, you can communicate your interpretation of a quotation or reported speech by the verb you choose to introduce it. Compare the two sentences:

Roman said that “living off the land . . . is incredibly diffi cult” (185).Roman stressed that “living off the land . . . is incredibly diffi cult” (185).

Using said makes your position about the statement that follows neutral. If you choose the verb stressed, you are communicating your interpretation that Roman felt the chal-lenge for McCandless to try to live off the land was great.

Now compare these sentences.Krakauer feels that it is diffi cult for adults “to recall how forcefully we were once buf-feted by the passions and longings of youth” (186).Krakauer explores how diffi cult it is for adults “to recall how forcefully we were once buff eted by the passions and longings of youth” (186).

Using feels in the fi rst example does not indicate any interpretation on your part. Using explores suggests that you believe that Krakauer has thoughtfully looked at a variety of explanations for why adults generally judged McCandless’s actions harshly.

By carefully choosing the verb that you use to introduce a quotation or reported speech, you suggest your position about the quotation before you actually analyze its meaning and relevance to your argument.

8.5 Making the Speaker and the Context ClearWhen you incorporate quotations from a book or article into your own writing, it is essential to indicate specifi cally who is speaking and what the circumstances are. Th is is especially important when you are quoting someone who is being quoted by the author. In Into the Wild, Krakauer quotes a number of writers who wrote about living in the wilderness and the writers whose books McCandless took with him into the Alaska wild.

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When you quote these sources, you need to let your reader know who is speaking or writing and the context of the quotation so a reader can judge its relevance and validity as support for your assertions.

Exercise 8: Making the speaker and context clearTh is exercise is based on Chapter Nine, “Davis Gulch.”

Directions: Look up the following quotations from Into the Wild. Introduce each quota-tion, making sure that it is clear who is speaking and what the circumstances are. 1. While living on the streets in Las Vegas, McCandless wrote in his

journal, “It is the experiences, the memories, the great triumphant joy of living to the fullest extent in which real meaning is found” (37).

2. “What Everett Reuss was after was beauty, and he conceived of beauty in pretty romantic terms” (77).

3. “I have not tired of the wilderness. Rather, I enjoy its beauty and the vagrant life I lead more keenly all the time” (87).

4. “Children can be harsh judges when it comes to their parents, disinclined to grant clemency . . .” (122).

5. “If something captured my undisciplined imagination, I pursued it with a zeal bordering on obsession” (134).

6. “No longer to be poisoned by civilization he fl ees, and walks alone upon the land to become lost in the wild” (163).

7. “He had a need to test himself in ways, as he was fond of saying, ‘that mattered’” (182).

8. “. . . his essence remains slippery, vague, elusive” (186).

8.6 Punctuating QuotationsTo quote a whole sentence: Introduce the quote with your own words, and use a com-ma and quotations marks (and usually a capital letter for the fi rst word of the quoted sentence). Put the page number of the quote in parentheses after the closing quotation mark, and then add your end punctuation.

ExampleEverett Reuss wrote in his last letter, “I have not tired of the wilderness; rather I enjoy its beauty and the vagrant life I lead more keenly all the time” (87).

To quote a word or phrase: Use quotation marks, but do not capitalize the fi rst word of the quote.

ExamplesKrakauer calls Alaska “a magnet for dreamers and misfi ts” (4). According to Krakauer, people try to escape their problems by going into the wilderness, but they discover that the wilderness has no sympathy for their aspirations.

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Krakauer suggested that the word that best described McCandless was “pilgrim” (84).

To quote a longer passage: If you need to quote a passage that is four lines or longer, use a colon at the end of the sentence you have used to introduce the quote and indent the whole quote. When you do this, do not use quotation marks, but you still must indicate the page where the passage occurs.

ExampleIn a letter to Ron Franz, an old man who befriended him, McCandless sets out his philosophy of life: Th e very basic core of a man’s living spirit is his passion for adventure. Th e joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and diff erent sun (57).

To shorten a quote, use ellipses. An ellipsis is three dots separated by spaces. Use four dots if you are also leaving out a period from the original text. Be careful to make the fi nal wording clear and smooth.

ExampleMcCandless recommended that Ron “adopt a helter-skelter style of life . . . and hit the Road” (57).

To change a word in a quote: If you must change a word (or words) in a quote to make it fi t with your own words, use square brackets.

ExampleMcCandless said that he hoped the next time he saw Ron he would “be a new man with a vast array of new adventures and experiences behind [him]” (58).

To quote a writer who quotes another person (a quote within a quote): Use regular (double) quotation marks ( “ ) to show that you are quoting the writer and single quota-tion marks (‘) around the words that the writer quoted.

ExampleKrakauer noted, “Even staid, prissy Th oreau, who famously declared that it was enough to have ‘travelled a good deal in Concord,’ felt compelled to visit the more fearsome wilds of nineteenth century Maine and climb Mt. Katahdin” (183).

Exercise 9: Punctuating quotationsTh is exercise is based on Chapter 18, “Th e Stampede Trail.”

Directions: Punctuate the following quotations from Chapter 18, “Th e Stampede Trail.” Be sure to compare each sentence to the original and fi nd exactly which words are quoted. Be sure to cite the page number in parentheses at the end of the quoted material. 1. Page 187: In Alaska, McCandless discovered the truth of John Campbell’s

observation that “the life of a hunter carries with it the threat of deprivation and death by starvation” (187).

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2. Page 187: Before his death, McCandless had underlined the passage in Doctor Zhivago that asserts that love of one’s neighbor is essential for a human being to contribute to progress.

3. Page 188: According to Krakauer, despite having killed and eaten animals and birds and gathered wild potatoes, berries, and mushrooms, McCandless was on the precarious edge of starvation because he had run up a sizable caloric defi cit.

4. Page 189: Krakauer seems to believe that McCandless had learned that he needed other people, and that he planned to become a member of the human community when he returned to the Lower Forty-Eight.

5. Page 192: According to Krakauer’s initial theory, McCandless had committed a careless blunder, confusing one plant for another, and died as a conse-quence.

6. Page 194: After fi nding out about the poison in potato seeds, however, he concluded, he didn’t carelessly confuse one species with another: The plant that poisoned him was not known to be toxic.

7. Page 198: As he was dying, McCandless abandoned the cocky moniker, Alexander Supertramp, in favor of the name given to him at birth by his par-ents.

8. Page 199: In spite of his lonely, agonizing death, McCandless’s last words were, “I HAVE HAD A HAPPY LIFE AND THANK THE LORD. GOOD-BYE AND MAY GOD BLESS ALL!”


Exercise 10: Editing student writingDirections: Read the following student essay. Th en incorporate the selections from Into the Wild below into the essay at the places indicated by the numbers in parentheses. In-corporate quotations and paraphrase Krakauer’s text in your own words. Make sure that you indicate clearly who is speaking in the quotation and what the circumstances are.

Shaun Callerman is a typical critic of Chris McCandless. (1) Callarman is convinced that Chris was merely an ignorant young man biting off more than he could chew, a young man who ventured arrogantly into the wild guided by farfetched ideas and fl awed logic. Although I agree to some extent with Callarman’s interpretation, I also believe that he has failed to think about Chris’s childhood, upbringing, and subse-quent motives that brought him fi nally to a bus in the Alaskan wilderness.

Chris McCandless was not your average Joe. He chose a life of solitude and shunned society and the things that it represented. (2) The question is, what led him to act in this manner? Krakauer, the author of Into the Wild, delved into what could have led Chris to choose such an uncommon lifestyle. One of the main factors that Krakauer explores is Chris’s relationship with his father, Walt. (3) These confl icting

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attitudes, coupled with Walt’s alternative marriage and children, created a change in Chris’s outlook, which could have led him to make the decision to go into the wild. (4) Chris’s actions were reasonable to himself, and I fi nd it hard to say these actions were arrogant. To him, they were noble ideas, worthy of his time and effort.

However, Callerman is right that Chris McCandless made mistakes based on arro-gance. Chris can be admired for his ideas, but his execution was fl awed. (5) He made crucial mistakes that could have been avoided, and these mistakes cost him his life. He put himself in a situation for which he was not fully prepared. It’s like a boxer moving up a weight class when he’s not ready. He is courageous for doing so even though his actions can be perceived as foolish or arrogant. Chris pushed himself too hard and fast. He paid the price, but this doesn’t mean that his reason-ing was wrong as much as his timing and planning.

Callerman fails to realize that people do not act foolishly without having a reason. People who appear to act foolishly always have a logical motive that can explain the situation. (6) McCandless was not crazy; he was different. It wasn’t romantic silli-ness that led him into the wild; it was the dream of fi nding himself and connecting on a higher level that few of us can fully comprehend.

Text from Into the Wild to incorporate into student essay 1. “I don’t admire him at all for his courage nor for his noble ideas. Really, I think

he was just plain crazy” (quoted from the Writing Topic for the Into the Wild module).

2. “Oh, how one wishes sometimes to escape from the meaningless dullness of human eloquence, from all those sublime phrases, to take refuge in nature . . .” (passage underlined by Chris in his copy of Doctor Zhivago, 189).

3. “Both father and son were stubborn and high-strung” (64).

4. “He wanted to prove to himself that he could make it on his own, with-out anybody else’s help” (159) (Gaylord Stuckey, truck driver who gave McCandless a ride from the Yukon Territory to Fairbanks, Alaska).

5. He tried to live entirely off the country—and he tried to do it without bother-ing to master beforehand the full repertoire of crucial skills (182).

6. And he wasn’t a nutcase, he wasn’t a sociopath, he wasn’t an outcast. McCandless was something else—although precisely what is hard to say. A pilgrim, perhaps (85).


tion paragraph and ask your students to read along as you read it out loud.

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2. Th en project a student paragraph and discuss with the class the diff erences between the original and the student paragraph (both paragraphs need to be projected simultaneously).

3. Return the student paragraphs and ask your students to revise. Don’t give them access to the original while they are doing this, but give them the quoted language below from the original. Tell them they should both quote and paraphrase.

“Alex, just Alex.”

“He wasn’t carrying anywhere near as much food as you’d expect for that kind of trip.”

“Living in the bush is no picnic.”

“Alex admitted that the only food in his pack was a 10-pound bag of rice.”

“How I feed myself is none of the government’s business.”

“I don’t want to know what day it is or where I am. None of that matters.”



Exercise 12: Editing your own writingDirections: Reread your essay on Into the Wild.

• Use an asterisk to mark a place where you have made an assertion without adequ-ate support. Find a passage in Into the Wild that provides support for the assertion. Following the guidelines for paraphrasing, paraphrase the passage and incorporate it into your essay.

• Use an asterisk to mark a second place where you have made an assertion without adequate support. Following the guidelines for quoting, select the portion of the passage that you want to quote and insert it into your essay. Make sure you have made the speaker and the context clear.

• Exchange your essay with a partner and discuss any questions you have. Check with your teacher if you can’t agree on an answer.

• Reread your entire essay to check that you have – Provided suffi cient support from the text – Reproduced quotations and paraphrased accurately – Made the speaker and the context clear – Selected the best verb to introduce the quotation – Punctuated quotations correctly

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Answer Key

Noticing Language

1. Chris is speaking. He’s saying that his new name is “Alex, just Alex.” I know that they are his own words because of the quotation marks.

2. Krakauer is reporting what Chris said to Gallien, the man who drove him into the wilderness. They aren’t Alex’s exact words; they are Krakauer’s words.

3. These are Gallien’s own words; I know because of the quota-tion marks.

4. Krakauer is reporting what Gallien told him about what Chris said to him. These aren’t Chris’ exact words, nor are they Gallien’s exact words.

Exercise 2: Using the past time frame to summarize Into the Wild

Into the Wild, by Jon Krakauer, was published in 1996. It tells the story of Christo-

pher McCandless, a young man who went to Alaska to try to fi nd out about himself

and about life. In doing this, he was inspired by great writers like Thoreau, whose

book, Walden, offered his refl ections on living apart from mainstream life. However,

McCandless was unprepared for the brutality of the Alaskan wild. He made crucial

mistakes that led to his death and left his family to grieve for him.

(Notice that the phrase “It tells the story . . .” uses the present tense to make a general state-ment even though the rest of the summary is in the past because McCandless’s journey into the Alaskan wilderness took place in the past.)

Exercise 3: Using the present time frame (historical present) to summarize Into the Wild

Into the Wild, by Jon Krakauer, was published in 1996. It tells the story of Christo-

pher McCandless, a young man who goes to Alaska to try to fi nd out about himself

and about life. In doing this, he is inspired by great writers like Thoreau, whose

book, Walden, offers his refl ections on living apart from mainstream life. However,

McCandless is unprepared for the brutality of the Alaskan wild. He makes crucial

mistakes that lead to his death and leave his family to grieve for him.

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(Th is summary uses the historical present even though the events took place in 1992. When we read about events in the past, they seem closer to us when they are described using the present tense. “Was published’ is in the past tense because it refers explicitly to a defi nite past time, “in 1996,” but more importantly, it is background information and not part of the story narra-tive.)

Exercise 4: Summarizing part of a chapter(Possible response)

In Chapter Eight, “Alaska,” Jon Krakauer reports that many Alaskans thought that Chris McCandless was just another young rebel. They compared him to Gene Rosellini, who was a member of a prominent Seattle family and had been an outstanding student and athlete in high school. Although he studied everything from anthropology to philo-sophy in college, he never earned a degree. Eventually, he left school and ended up in Cordova, Alaska, where he set out to see if it was possible to live without any of the tools of modern life. He believed that modern people had become inferior because of their dependence on technology. After more than ten years, he concluded that it was no longer possible to live without tools. Soon after, he committed suicide at the age of 49.

Exercise 5: Paraphrasing a paragraph(Possible response)

McCandless was different from other people who tried to escape their problems by going into the wilderness. He wasn’t crazy or criminal or unable to get along with people. He was reckless and ignorant about the Alaskan wilderness, but he was able to take care of himself since he survived for 113 days. Unlike others, McCandless was searching for spiritual answers.

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Exercise 6: Incorporating quotations(Possible response one)

Krakauer believed that McCandless was “a pilgrim, perhaps” (85), searching for the meaning of life far from civilization and friends. The notes that McCandless made in his books certainly suggest that he was trying to discover the meaning of life. He may even have real-ized towards the end that people mattered. However, I think he had a suicidal streak as well. If not, he would have listened to the advice that Jim Gallien, an Alaskan who was the last person to see McCandless alive, gave him. He would have prepared himself much better for his journey. Someone who wants to survive doesn’t go into the wilderness with ten pounds of rice, two tuna sandwiches, and a bag of Fritos.

(Possible response two)

Krakauer argues that “McCandless didn’t conform particularly well to the bush-casualty stereotype” (85) and called him “a pilgrim, perhaps” (85). He searched for solitude, but he wasn’t crazy, and he showed that he was resourceful during the 113 days he lived in the wilderness. He had rejected his parents’ affl uent lifestyle and wanted to simplify his life and fi nd spiritual fulfi llment, but he wasn’t suicidal and didn’t want to die. As he neared death, he left a note asking to be saved: “S.O.S. I need your help. I am injured, near death, and too weak to hike out of here. I am all alone, this is no joke, in the name of God, please remain to save me” (198). These are the words of someone eager to live and perhaps even to return to the civilization he had left behind.

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Exercise 7: Verbs to introduce the words of others

Phrase introducing a quote or reported speech

Page Verb tense

Reason for tense

1. Roman shouts 173 present Krakauer is telling the story of his trip to the bus in the present (present narra-tion).

2. Horowitz . . . had mused that

174 past perfect

Horowitz had told Krakauer this at a time before Krakauer’s trip.

3. both men insisted . . . that

177 past Krakauer is reporting what the men said when he talked to them shortly after Chris’s body was found; in other words, in the past before the trip.

4. Thompson had told me

177 past perfect

Krakauer is introducing reported speech in the past. He could have used the simple past both to report the speech and for the speech itself.

5. Samel had scornfully piped in

177 past perfect

Same as above.

6. one Alaska correspon-dent observed

177 past Krakauer is reporting what an Alaskan wrote after the story of Chris’s death was published.

7. Roman remarks 178 present Krakauer returns to the present tense because he has returned to the story of his trip to the bus (present narration).

8. Muir rapturously describes

182 present Krakauer uses the present tense for vividness to in-troduce Muir’s quotation. Muir’s experience was actu-ally in 1872.

9. Andrew Liske points out

183 present Krakauer uses the present tense for vividness. Liske actually read the journal before Krakauer’s trip to the bus, so Krakauer could have used past tense.

10. Paul Shephard has observed

183 present perfect

Krakauer uses the present perfect tense to show that Shephard’s comment has current relevance.

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Exercise 8: Making the speaker and context clear 1. While living on the streets in Las Vegas, McCandless wrote in his

journal, “It is the experiences, the memories, the great triumphant joy of liv-ing to the fullest extent in which real meaning is found” (37).

2. Wallace Stegner in Mormon Country argues, “What Everett Reuss was after was beauty, and he conceived of beauty in pretty romantic terms” (77).

3. Everett Reuss wrote in his last letter, “I have not tired of the wilderness. Rather, I enjoy its beauty and the vagrant life I lead more keenly all the time” (87).

4. Chris was deeply angered when he discovered his father’s previous marriage and divorce. Krakauer observes, “Children can be harsh judges when it comes to their parents, disinclined to grant clemency . . .” (122).

5. Krakauer’s own experience as a young man infl uenced his understand-ing of Chris’s motivation. He said, “If something captured my undisci-plined imagination, I pursued it with a zeal bordering on obsession” (134).

6. In May 1992 Alex proclaimed on a sheet of plywood covering a broken window in the bus, “No longer to be poisoned by civilization he fl ees, and walks alone upon the land to become lost in the wild” (163).

7. Krakauer concluded, “He had a need to test himself in ways, as he was fond of saying, ‘that mattered’” (182).

8. Despite all his research and refl ections on McCandless’s life and death, Krakauer still discovered, “his essence remains slippery, vague, elusive” (186).

Exercise 9: Punctuating quotations 1. In Alaska, McCandless discovered the truth of John Campbell’s observation

that “the life of a hunter carries with it the threat of deprivation and death by starvation” (187).

2. Before his death, McCandless had underlined the passage in Doctor Zhivago that asserts that “love of one’s neighbor” is essential for a human being to contribute to progress (187).

3. According to Krakauer, despite having killed and eaten animals and birds and gathered wild potatoes, berries, and mushrooms, McCandless was on the “precarious edge” of starvation because he “had run up a sizable caloric defi cit” (188).

4. Krakauer seems to believe that McCandless had learned that he needed other people, and that he planned to “become a member of the human com-munity” (189) when he returned to the Lower Forty-Eight.

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5. According to Krakauer’s initial theory, McCandless “had committed a care-less blunder, confusing one plant for another, and died as a consequence” (192).

6. After fi nding out about the poison in potato seeds, however, he concluded, “He didn’t carelessly confuse one species with another: The plant that poi-soned him was not known to be toxic” (194).

7. As he was dying, McCandless “abandoned the cocky moniker, . . . Alexander Supertramp, in favor of the name given to him at birth by his parents” (198).

8. In spite of his lonely, agonizing death, McCandless’s last words were, “I HAVE HAD A HAPPY LIFE AND THANK THE LORD. GOOD-BYE AND MAY GOD BLESS ALL!” (199).


Shaun Callerman is a typical critic of Chris McCandless. He acknowledges, “I don’t admire him at all for his courage nor for his noble ideas. Really, I think he was just plain crazy” (Writing Topic). Callarman is convinced that Chris was merely an ignorant young man biting off more than he could chew, a young man who ventured arrogantly into the wild guided by farfetched ideas and fl awed logic. Although I agree to some extent with Callarman’s interpretation, I also believe that he has failed to think about Chris’s childhood, upbringing, and subse-quent motives that brought him fi nally to a bus in the Alaskan wilderness.

Chris McCandless was not your average Joe. He chose a life of solitude and shunned society and the things that it represented. A passage he underlined in his copy of Dr. Zhivago suggests that he hoped “to escape from the mean-ingless dullness of human eloquence, from all those sublime phrases, to take refuge in nature . . .” (189). The question is, what led him to act in this man-ner? Krakauer, the author of Into the Wild, delved into what could have led Chris to choose such an uncommon lifestyle. One of the main factors that Krakauer explores is Chris’s relationship with his father, Walt. “Given Walt’s need to exert control and Chris’s extravagantly independent nature, polarization was inevitable” (64). These confl icting attitudes, coupled with Walt’s alternative marriage and children, created a change in Chris’s outlook, which could have led him to make the deci-sion to go into the wild. According to Gaylord Stuckey, a truck driver who gave Alex a ride from the Yukon Territory to Fairbanks, Alex “wanted to prove to himself that he could make it on his own, without anybody else’s help” (159). Chris’s actions were reasonable to himself, and I fi nd it hard to say this actions were arrogant. To him, they were noble ideas, worthy of his time and effort.

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However, Callerman is right that Chris McCandless made mistakes based on arro-gance. Chris can be admired for his ideas, but his execution was fl awed. Krakauer points out, “He tried to live entirely off the country—and he tried to do it without bothering to master beforehand the full repertoire of crucial skills” (182). He made crucial mistakes that could have been avoided, and these mistakes cost him his life. He put himself in a situation for which he was not fully prepared. It’s like a boxer moving up a weight class when he’s not ready. He is courageous for doing so even though his actions can be perceived as foolish or arrogant. Chris pushed himself too hard and fast. He paid the price, but this doesn’t mean that his reasoning was wrong so much as his timing and planning.

Callerman fails to realize that people do not act foolishly without having a reason. People who appear to act foolishly always have a logical motive that can explain the situation. Krakauer’s fi nal conclusion is that McCandless was not crazy; he was a spiritual seeker (85). It wasn’t romantic silliness that led him into the wild; it was the dream of fi nding himself and connecting on a higher level that few of us can fully comprehend.

Appendix

Responding to Student Writing for EditingFeedback plays a crucial role in acquiring a language. As students in the Expository Read-ing and Writing Course struggle to express increasingly sophisticated ideas in writing, they need to know if they “got it right” and if not, how they can modify what they have written so it will be “right.” Th e dilemma for the teacher is how to provide feedback that is cost-eff ective, in other words, where the teacher’s time and eff ort and the student’s progress are in balance. Teachers can spend large amounts of time marking the students’ errors, but if the feedback doesn’t result in improved writing, it’s a waste of time. Teach-ers need to get the most out of a relatively modest amount of time invested in marking student errors because they also have to give the students feedback on the global aspects of their writing: the ideas and the ways in which they are organized and developed. What follows are some suggestions for responding effi ciently and eff ectively to student errors.

• Ask your students to edit for grammatical correctness as the last step of the writing process. In an out-of-class writing situation, it’s a good idea to advise your students to set their papers aside and come back to them later with fresh eyes. In a timed situation, students should budget their time and reserve the last few minutes for editing.

• Explain the role of editing. Help your students keep sight of editing as a rhetori-cal tool that they can use to make their arguments clearer and more persuasive. Make sure your students don’t view it simply as busy work and that they under-stand that the skills they are learning will serve them well in college and on the job.

• Target key error types. As you select what to mark, consider the seriousness of the error, its frequency, and whether the rule is simple enough to remember and apply in other situations. Help your students to identify their patterns of errors and edit systematically for them. Limit your marking of other errors.

• Identify errors, but don’t make corrections for the targeted error patterns. At the beginning you will need to label targeted errors, but make your students responsible for repairing the error. Once your students are familiar with their personal patterns of error, you can simply underline or highlight errors. Ultimately, your students should be able to identify and correct their own errors. Supply

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corrections for serious errors that you don’t think the students will be able to correct independently.

• Provide students with correct words or phrases for lexical errors—those not governed by rules. It isn’t helpful to tell your students they have used a wrong word when they have no way to fi gure out the right word. Instead, supply the cor-rect word or phrase, but ask the students to keep a log of these words that they can use to edit future papers.

• Teach your students how to use a dictionary for editing. Dictionaries, particu-larly those designed for learners of English, provide valuable information about the language beyond defi nitions. Students can check if a noun is count or non-count or fi nd out what preposition follows a particular verb, but they need instruction and practice in using a dictionary in this way.

• Systematically mark the errors in one or two paragraphs. Give your students class time to edit when you return their essays. After reviewing the paragraphs that you have marked, the students can apply what they have learned to the rest of the essay, and you can answer questions that arise on the spot.

• Give your students feedback about their editing. Even when students make their best eff ort, they will produce new and diff erent errors when they edit. Th e students need feedback so they don’t assume those new errors are correct.

• “Debrief.” After your students have written an in- or out-of-class assignment, ask them about the editing strategies that they used and what they would do diff erent-ly next time. Before their next essay, ask your students to recall what they learned the last time.

A Very Short List of Editing LabelsStudents need to have their sentence-level errors labeled in order for them to learn to identify their errors. Using a minimum number of labels makes it easier for the students to remember what they mean and also speeds up the job of marking for teachers. Th e fol-lowing labels are used in the exercises in this book. Using them consistently in marking student writing will help your students locate their errors and understand that individual errors are often part of a larger pattern of errors that they can and should master.

noun All errors in formation of nouns; plurals and singularsverb All errors of verb form (endings) and verb tenses-v agree Subject-verb agreementrun-on Run-on sentence or comma splicefrag Sentence fragmentpunct Punctuation errorsp Spelling errorsent Sentence error—error in the way clauses are formed and joined

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