How can I help my child with ADHD?

Management Strategies forParents

“ Raising a child with ADHD can be incredibly challenging for

any parent”

Russell Barkley, 2000

The challenge of raising a child with ADHD

Child with ADHD experiences difficulty

Parent sets increased limits/punishes child

Child continues to experience failureBecomes angry and defiant

Parent also becomes angry Sees child as having

bad attitudeNot a real neurological problem

Both parents and children become unhappy and miserable

Children with ADHD have

• a need for increased activity, • may be impulsive• may have uninhibited or uncontrolled behaviour• have poor concentration • need constant input from you as a parent

These difficulties all impact your role as parent in ways that you never thought were possible when you first thought about or were aware that you were having a child.

These children’s need for increased guidance, love, protection, nurturance and advocacy from a parent can sometimes be hidden behind a façade of demanding and at times obnoxious or difficult behaviour!

Barkley, 2000

Parents of children with ADHDneed to teach, monitor, supervise,plan, structure, reward, discipline,protect and nurture their childrenin far more ways than would beneeded by a “typical parent”.

Parents will need to meet more often with other adult’s involved in a child’s life such as teachers, doctors, mental health professionals as well as others in the community such as sports coaches etc, as a result of other behaviouraldifficulties these children may have.

Barkley, 2000

A lot may be required of you asa parent of your child with ADHD!

So, what to do?

Understand the diagnosis

Make sure that everyone in the family knows what ADHD or ADD is and what it means in terms of how a child with ADHD behaves.

Understanding how ADHD can affect a child’s behaviour

and their emotional understanding and perception of the world is very important!

Separate the child from the Diagnosis

As soon as you are aware that your child may have ADHD or ADD, separate your child from their medical condition.

“ADHD isn’t anyone’s fault, it just is, and must be managed”.

(ADDandADHD, 2009)

Be positiveA child who is always in trouble is likely not to have good self-esteem and possibly a strong dislike of themselves. It is thus vital that parents repeatedly let their child know that they love them

regardless of their behaviour.

Noticing and commenting on good behaviour as well as praising a child when one sees that an effort is being made, however small, everytime it happens can really help.

Don’t assume a child is simply lazy or defiant. When failures occur, one’s comments need to always be constructive.

For example, if a child loses an especially precious toy and cannot find it, rather than tell them off for not keeping their toys tidy, it would be better to agree together on a good place for the toy to be put so that it can be more easily

found the next time.

If a child is expected to succeed, they probably will. A child who is expected to fail will too.

Provide your child with statementsof approval, praise or positive feedback.

Here are some ideas (Barkley, 2000)

“Super…”“I like it when……”“It’s nice when you…”“Fantastic….”“You sure are a big girl/boy for…”

“That was terrific the way you…”

“Terrific…”“Nice going…”“Great job…”“Wow, you sure act grown up when you….”

“You know six months ago, you couldn’t do that as well as you do now, you are

really growing up fast….”

“ I am very proud of you when you…”“What a nice thing to do…”“Wait until I tell ….how well you’ve

done…”“Beautiful….”“Wow!”

“You did that all byyourself….way to go!”

If words don’t come easily, try somenonverbal signs of approval ‘a hug’,‘pat on the head or shoulder’, ‘placingan arm around a child’, ‘smiling’,giving a thumbs up or a wink’.

Barkley, 2000

Involve the whole family!

Involve the whole family in helping to find solutions, since ADHD behaviouraffects everyone.

Family meetings on how to deal with a specific problem can be helpful. Only

discuss one problem at a time!

Handle Jealousy

In a family, a child with ADHD will most likely get the most attention. As a result, other children in the family may acquire negative behaviour patterns and the message is given that only bad behaviour gets

attention.

It is thus very important for parents to make sure that each child in their family gets the attention they deserve. Non ADHD children also need opportunity to voice how they feel in order that their views are also seen as important and that they

matter too!

Giving children the attention theyneed

Scheduling dedicated parent andindividual child time on a regular basiscan be very helpful.In this way one is able to give a child awhole meal of attention and they areless likely to keep snacking on you

(particularly in negative ways) duringthe day!

Child below nine years: choose a 20minute time that is ‘your specialtime’.For school children after school orsupper may be good.If your child is preschool after youhave dropped the other children

off. It is important that noother children are involved.

If your child is older, you don’t need to set a time, just find a timewhen your child is enjoying a playactivity and ask if you can join in.

Don’t try and control the play, justrelax and watch for a few minutes.

After watching a while you can begin todescribe out loud what your child isdoing. Don’t ask questions or givecommands as these can be disruptive. Only ask questions if you are unsure ofwhat your child is doing.

This is your child’s special time toenjoy your attention, not to teach ortake over the child’s play. Occasionallygive your child statements of positivefeedback.

Some additional suggestions:

Create a daily routine for your childfor example, homework, bedtime,mealtime routines.

Clear communication is important

Be specific in your instructions, andmake clear and reasonable requestsAsk your child what will help andcommunicate honestly and clearly with

your child.

Have clear and easily understoodboundaries and expectations

Rules make life predictable andtherefore safe for children. Theseshould be few, clearly stated and

repeated often. It is very confusing for a child to be told different

things by different caregivers. If possible, have rules visible.

Be consistent in your handling ofyour child

Reward your child’s good behaviourquickly and often

Use sanctions (eg loss of privileges)for unacceptable behaviour oroverstepping of boundaries

Remove disturbing or disruptiveelements from their daily routine

Encourage and praise yourchild’s good behaviour!!!!!

Let yourself be playful, have fun, beunconventional.

Children with ADHD love novelty

Its okay to admit that you areuncertain about something/Its okayto ask questions!

Seek information.

Evaluate Information.

Be open to trying new ways.

Seek out and underscore success asmuch as possible.

PraiseEncouragement

Remember

“Bringing up a child with ADHD may be the hardest thing you ever have to do”.

“But if you rise to the challenge, raising a child with ADHD can provide a tremendous opportunity for fulfillment as a parent, as you watch the direct investment of time and energy pay off in the happiness and well being of your child. To know that you are needed by such a child

can bring a deeper purpose to yourlife than many other things can do.” Barkley, 2000

References and Resources

Barkley, R (2000) Taking charge of ADHD: the complete, authoritative guide for parents, The Guilford Press, New York.

Faber, A. & Mazlish, E (1999) How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk. London: Piccadilly Press.

http://www.addandadhd.co.uk

http://www.addresources.org