Alternatives to Spanking - Center for Children's Health Practice Sheet Alternatives to Spanking 1 Alternatives to Spanking Name: _____ The focus of today's workshop will be on alternatives

gniknapSotsevitanretlAteehSecitcarPtneraP

1

Alternatives to Spanking

Name: ________________________________________

The focus of today's workshop will be on alternatives to spanking. Use this worksheet tofollow along with the facilitator.

Understanding Why Parents Spank Their Children

There are many reasons parents spank their children. What are some reasons you thinkparents spank their children?______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

• Parents Spank Their Children...Because of Personal History

Many people raise their children the way they were raised, with one exception. Someparents recognize that the terrible things that happened to them as children are practices theydon’t want to repeat. __________________________________________________________________________

• Parents Spank Their Children...To Teach Them Right From Wrong

Parents often hit their children because they want their children to learn right from wrong. The reality is that spanking communicates to children that they did something wrong, and that they are also bad people. In addition, hitting never teaches children what to do or whatthe right thing to do is. Instead, it only teaches children what is not acceptable. _________________________________________________________________________

• Parents Spank Their Children...As a Form of Punishment

For many parents, hitting is the only way they know to punish children for misbehaving. Ifthey don’t use spanking, many parents are left with no form of punishment at all. Parents fear that if they don’t spank, children will be allowed to do what they want and will be out ofcontrol. Many studies have shown this is not the case. Other methods of discipline workbetter.__________________________________________________________________________

©2007 Family Development Resources, Inc. Taken from the Nurturing Parenting Program with permission to reproduce this page. Inquiries call 800-688-5822.

gniknapS ot sevitanretlA teehS ecitcarP tneraP

2

• Parents Spank Their Children…As an “Act of Love”

Many parents feel that hitting their children is an act of “love” born out of deep concern for their child’s well being. These parents tell their children how much they love them while they’re hitting them. If such interactions continue through adulthood, children learn thatpeople who love them are also people who hurt them. They may also get involved in abusive relationships when they get older. __________________________________________________________________________

• Parents Spank Their Children…When They are Angry or Stressed Out

Parents who lose control are at higher risk for seriously hurting their children than parents who can manage their anger. The key to controlling one’s anger is not to let it get away from you by finding other ways to release anger energy.

What are some ways to release anger energy? 1.________________________________________________________________________2.________________________________________________________________________3.________________________________________________________________________

• Parents Spank Their Children…To Teach Them Respect

Parents demand that their children treat them with respect, yet use violence to enforce their demands. Violence is a disrespectful practice and can never serve as a model of respect. What children learn instead is that violence is a way of getting others to do what you want them to do. __________________________________________________________________________

• Parents Spank Their Children….Based on Religious Writings

“Spare the rod, spoil the child” is the most misquoted and misunderstood phrase in literature. Many parents spank their children based on the belief that God believes in violence towards children. A “rod” was a scepter, a symbol of power, not of violence. Rod also meant staff, a rod used by shepherds to guide and lead sheep. Many members of the clergy advocate guidance as an interpretation, believing that children need guidance, not violence. __________________________________________________________________________

• Parents Spank Their Children….Because It’s a Cultural Practice

Many people believe that hitting children is a way for parents to express their cultural identity. Parents of different races and cultures all believe hitting is unique to their culture. Hitting is so widespread throughout society that hitting children is a societal practice rather than a cultural one. __________________________________________________________________________

© 2007 Family Development Resources, Inc. Taken from the Nurturing Parenting Program with permission to reproduce this page. Inquiries call 800-688-5822.


3

• Parents Spank Their Children…To Prepare Them for the Real World

Violence is widespread in today’s world. Because violence is so common, many parents believe they need to prepare their children for the violence-filled “real world” by “toughening them up.” However, the “real world” for a child is not outside their home, but inside it. __________________________________________________________________________

Why Is Spanking Detrimental to Children?

Spanking can be detrimental to children for two reasons:

1. Parents become people who children fear and don’t confide in. 2. Spankings given “out of love” can distort the definition of a close relationship.

What are other reasons you think spanking is detrimental to children? ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Spanking: Why It Is Difficult to Let Go

It is always difficult to break a habit, whether it be a good or bad one. Spanking is an action that parents take that feels like the right thing to do; however, no one feels better afterward, including the parents. Why bother with spanking if it is something that no one really believes is a good thing to do?

• “I Spank - But I Don’t Hit My Children”

Spanking is hitting a child on the buttocks with your hand or an object. Slapping is hitting a child on the face or hand with a hand or object. Beating is hitting a child all over with hands, fists, or objects. So, in reality, if you spank, you are hitting your child.

Hitting a child, whether it is called spanking, walloping, beating, thumping, whipping, smacking or loving discipline, is still violence. The problem with this rationale is that children will learn to hit others and believe it’s not really hitting.



4

• “I Deserved to Be Hit as a Child”

It’s difficult for adults to believe that, as children, they didn’t deserve a spanking. After all, if we misbehaved, shouldn’t we be punished? Punished yes, hit no. There is a big difference. When you hit a child, you tell the child that they are bad, no good, unacceptable, etc. When you punish using other alternatives and not hitting, you tell the child what they did is no good, unacceptable, etc.

• “I’m Doing This Because I Love You”

Hitting someone is a heck of a way to show them that you love them. If you look up the word “love” in the dictionary, you won’t find hurt, pain, violence, and cruelty in its definition. Love is respect, closeness, a spiritual intimacy, belonging and attachment, but not violence.

Alternatives to Spanking

There are many alternatives to spanking. Here are some alternatives parents can use to discipline their children.

• Loss of Privilege

A privilege is a right granted by a parent. Examples are watching TV, playing with a toy, riding a bike, or going to a friend’s house. If children misuse an object or misuse a privilege, they lose it for awhile. Parents should take away a toy or privilege when a child misuses it. For example, if a child rides a bike into the street, then a parent can take away use of the bike for one day.

• Grounding

When a child repeatedly engages in a behavior a parent does not approve of, an appropriate punishment is being grounded to the yard or house. When parents ground children, the punishment must fit the crime. It would not be appropriate to ground children for long periods of time. For example, if a child continually leaves the yard, it would be appropriate to ground the child to the house for one day. Groundings should never be longer than one week. Instead, ground only for a day or two, and then give the child the opportunity to follow the rule again.



5

• Parental Disappointment

Parental disappointment is a simple statement that expresses the disappointment a parent has in a behavior the child has performed. For example, “Son, I want you to know how disappointed I am that you chose to hit your brother. I am sure that next time you are upset, you won’t hit your brother and you will tell him not to take away your toys.” If the child continues the bad behavior, the parent may also tell the child he or she loses a privilege or has to take a time out.

• Restitution

Restitution means that there is a “payback” or logical consequence for a specific misbehavior. The goal of restitution is to make good of a wrong. For example, if a child chooses to color on the wall, the payback then is to clean the wall. If a child chooses to steal money or break a toy, the restitution is to pay back the stolen money or replace the toy.

• Ignoring

Ignoring is a way parents can communicate their disapproval of certain behaviors by not paying attention to the behaviors when they occur. Ignoring is most appropriate for annoying behaviors that are harmless, like whining or making faces. By paying attention to undesirable behaviors, parents actually encourage the child to continue to perform the behavior. Parents should praise behaviors they want to see more of and ignore the behaviors they want to see less of. There are some behaviors a parent should not ignore, such as when the behavior is harmful to the child or others, a behavior that increases the risk of physical harm to the child, and any behavior that will cause damage to property.

• Verbal and Physical Redirection

Redirection is a technique to help children learn to do good things. There are two types of redirection: verbal and physical. Verbal redirection tells children what is acceptablebehavior and what is not acceptable behavior, by verbally telling the child an alternate behavior. Physical redirection removes children from dangerous activities and substitutes more appropriate activities. For example, if a child is playing with an electrical outlet, the parent would physically move the child to a safer area and give the child something different with which to play. Verbal and physical redirection work best when used together.

• Time Out

Time out is a temporary isolation of the child from others because they chose to act inappropriately. This technique lets children know that when they choose to behave inappropriately, they have to be by themselves for a while sitting quietly. Time out should not be used for extended periods of time, and the child should have a safe, quiet area to sit in, not a basement or a closet. An appropriate period of time for a child to sit in time out is one minute per each year of age. For example, a 3 year old should have three minutes in time out. Children under two should never be put into time out.



6

Contact Information:

You probably met a lot of people today that you may want to contact again. Below is an area for you to write down each other’s names, phone numbers, or email addresses.

Name Phone E-mail


Documents

Alternatives to Spanking - Center for Children's Health Practice Sheet Alternatives to Spanking 1 Alternatives to Spanking Name: _____ The focus of today's workshop will be on alternatives