ANCHORAGE PRESS 2.14.13

ALASKA’S occASionALLy mAudLin nEWSPAPER • fEbRuARy 14 - fEbRuARy 20, 2013 • VoL. 22, Ed. 7 • fREE

News, page 8

The mayor who kicked the hornet’s nest

Food, page 10

Valentine’s foods to get your engine going

Feature, page 14

Anchorage Hotties 2013 featuring 10 total heartthrobs

2 February 14 - February 20, 2013

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It’s definitely not a Hallmark card!It is enriching candy for the Heart and Mind! It’s a shared experience that will last much longer than flowers! THERE ARE FOUR WORDS and an exclamation point for it!

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February 14 - February 20, 2013 3

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Contributors Rob Brezsny, Mike Dingman, Jeri Kopet, Chuck Legge,

Ivan Moore, Bob Grimm, Ted Rall, James ‘Dr. Fermento’ Roberts, Chuck Shepherd,

Jessi Nelson, Jill Missal, Ash Adams, Rachel Drinkard

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CONTENTS

14 Anchorage Press Hotties 2013

10 locals who make this town look good.

FEbruAry 14 - FEbruAry 20, 2013 • Vol. 22, Ed. 7

ON THE COVER “Untitled,” by Christina Barber (oil painting on panel). This and other heart-themed works are part of “The Great Big HeART” show at Middle Way Café this February. For more on the exhibit, see page 20.

5 Letters

6 Opinion2006’s cruise ship initiative should be rolled back. By Ivan MooreUnion contracts need to be reined in. By Mike Dingman

7 Book reviewAnchorage comes to life in Dolls Behaving Badly. By Kris Farmen

8 NewsMayor’s ordinance has unions gearing up for a fight. By Scott Christiansen

8 Blotter

9 HeadlampDating tips for the outdoorsy set. By Jill Missal

10 FoodFeast on aphrodisiacs. By Ash Adams

11 Brew ReviewBeer is for lovers. By Dr. Fermento

20 ArtsMiddle Way shows its

“Great Big HeART.” By Victoria Barber

21 Picks of the Week

22 InterrogationDon’t call Jesus Landin-Torrez III an artist. By Jessi Marena Nelsen

23 MusicGetting introspective with Celtic rock band The Young Dubliners. By Jeri Kopet

26 OpinionValentine’s Day can take a hike. By Jeri Kopet

29 FilmIdentity Thief — McCarthy is the best part of an otherwise unlovable film. By Bob Grimm

32 Classifieds

35 Puzzles

36 Toons

36 News of the WeirdBy Chuck Shepherd

37 Free Will AstrologyBy Rob Brezsny

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LETTERS

Wherever possible, we preserve “voices,” but letters may be edited for length, clarity, and taste. Submissions should be signed, along with the writer’s city or town and state, and a phone number (for confirmation only).

We love to get lettersWe Want You (to write for the Press)

The Anchorage Press is looking for a few good freelancers to contribute stories on the topics of health, business, outdoor activities, the arts and local metal bands. Successful applicants should be witty, intelligent individuals who are easy to work with, always hit their deadline and can write broadly interesting stories free of grammatical and spelling errors. Freelancers interested in working with us should send story pitches on the topics mentioned above, a few writing clips and a resume to [email protected].

An awkward introductionSequestersounds like bad namefor a boy. Meet my Uncle Sequester.But I guessif your parentsare “Fiscal Cliff” and “Abyss”it’s not surprising.

- Aileen Holthaus, Anchorage

Privatizing Alaska watersLegislation currently moving through the Alaska Legislature, which would eliminate existing

rights of Tribal Governments and other Alaskans to apply for instream flow water rights, is the latest tactic in Governor Parnell’s ongoing campaign to quickly and quietly privatize Alaska’s water resources.

In potential violation of the Alaska Water Use Code, for example, the state already routinely pro-cesses water use applications for mining, oil and gas uses, while placing on the back burner simulta-neously or previously filed applications to keep water instream. Similarly, the Division often allows the energy industry to take water without even filing an application.

Senate Bill 26 takes this already dysfunctional water right permitting process a giant step further. In addition to the prohibition on instream flow applications the bill contains numerous attacks on the rights of citizens to protect Alaska’s water rights. These include limits on public comment or ap-peals when the State issues water right permits, but only for the majority of individuals and entities that would be impacted by the water taken out of stream, and eliminating restrictions on transfer-ring water rights and increasing the amount of water that can be obtained without applying for a permit.

SB 26, which was introduced by Governor Parnell after he noticed that some of the recent instream flow applications were annoying the resource extraction industry, represents the failure of the state to recognize certain individual rights protected by the Alaska State Constitution. This includes Article VIII, which expressly states that water appropriations shall not have precedence over

“general [public] uses for fish and wildlife.”The good news is that opposition to the bill has slowed its progress, and the Senate Resources

Committee will likely hold more hearings on it this week. We still have a chance, therefore, to urge the legislature not to strip away the rights of citizens and tribes and to keep water in our streams for healthy for healthy fish and wildlife habitat.

- Hal Shepherd, is the director of the Center for Water Advocacy in Seward

DELIVERED EVERY THURSDAY

W i n T i c k e t s !


Legislature is right to revisit the cruise ship initiative BY IVAN MOORE

Poop in the water! Poop in the water!The hand-wringing on the leftover

House Bill 80, the “rollback” of the 2006 cruise ship initiative, is tortured, anguished and kicking up all sorts of hyperbole in the fight to oppose it.

Let’s be clear here. Wastewater that is pro-duced by cruise ships is thoroughly treated before being discharged. The treatment is ter-tiary—that is, divided into three phases: first, the biodegrading of the wastewater; second, the filtration of it; and last, treatment with UV light. What emerges at the end of this process is clear and in all appearances like water, to the point where John Binkley, the head of the Alaska Cruise Association, felt comfortable enough to drink a glass of it. Rather him than me, but he made a powerful point in doing so.

The discharge is not, as Anchorage Daily News fisheries writer Laine Welch calls it, sew-age. There are no turds bobbing around in the Inside Passage. So let’s stop trying to cloud the debate with stuff that just isn’t true.

Instead, let’s state what is true. The 2006 voter initiative that created the current law mandated that cruise ships reduce the levels of certain contaminants in their wastewater, notably am-monia, copper, nickel and zinc, down to levels that the cruise industry has since struggled to achieve. It’s clear that the levels mandated are on or close to the cusp that is achievable by to-day’s “best available technology.”

Some, including me, argue that the man-dated levels set an unreasonably high standard. Unreasonably high, not only because they are very hard and costly to attain, but also because they go far beyond what’s necessary to protect Alaska’s environment.

Yes, the government has gone too far. It’s the government’s job to regulate and ensure re-sponsible practice by private industry, but not the government’s job to impose onerous regu-lations that harm a single industry’s ability to operate, especially when there isn’t a compel-ling need.

The irony is that the “government” in this particular case was the people. It was a “citizen” initiative, crafted by the environmental lobby and passed into law by the voting public. But only after they’d seen enough 30-second TV ads to convince them that it was a good idea.

Now don’t get me wrong, it’s undeniable that the right to petition is a cherished one. Some-times, however, it is used to circumvent the leg-islature. Other times it is used to advance spe-cial interests. And oftentimes, as in this case, it results in lousy, un-thought-out and unfair laws.

One of the sensible fixes that HB 80 proposes is allowing for a mixing zone after the discharge emerges from the pipe. The 2006 law specified that the contaminant levels be measured “at the point of discharge,” i.e. when the water emerges from the ship. However, the Science

Panel studying the issue concluded that even if the discharge doesn’t quite meet standards coming out of the pipe, within seconds in the ocean, it does. Everything disperses and dilutes very quickly.

So no harm, reasonably enough, right?That’s obvious to just about everyone, it

seems, except the Anchorage Daily News. Lead-ing the charge on the enviro-wackjobbery front, they suggest in a recent editorial that “dilution is debatable.” Presumably, the laws of physics are suspended to prevent it from happening.

And compounding the paranoia, our old friend Les Gara, in an editorial in these pages, is all worried about the fish he wants to catch not making it up his favorite stream because of copper levels in the wastewater. They negatively impact a salmon’s ability to navigate, don’t you know. Yet, Dr. Alan Mearns, armed with a Ph.D in Fisheries and a member of Governor Knowles 2001 Science Panel, has testified that even taking into account the cumulative effect of all cruise ship traffic in Alaska, copper levels are not raised above what occurs naturally.

But enough about the required standards. Enough about dilution and mixing zones. Here’s what Gara and the eight other Democrats who voted against HB 80 should really consider. The next time they settle in on the throne for a good Sunday morning constitutional, no doubt re-inforcing their righteousness with a good read of the Anchorage Daily News at the same time, they should consider their hypocrisy when they reach to flush. The editors of the Daily News can try this at home too.

Because most municipal wastewater treat-ment systems aren’t tertiary. The treated waste-water from our Anchorage land-based toilets (250 fully-loaded, permanently-anchored cruise ships worth), piped day and night into Cook Inlet, doesn’t come close to meeting the same kinds of standards that are required of cruise ships. And you guessed it, municipal wastewater gets the benefit of mixing zones in the assessment of those lower standards.

Indeed, if you took some of that municipal discharge and went and lobbed it off the side of a cruise ship, you’d be breaking the law, but our Democrats in the Legislature continue to flush with impunity, at the same time squawking hysterically and hypocritically about evil cruise ships and the harm they pose to the environ-ment.

So enough already, the 2006 law went too far. The voters had good intentions, but were sold a very green bill of goods that places an unreason-able burden on one industry. The legislature is right to amend it, they’re certainly well within their rights to do so six years after it was origi-nally passed. Don’t gut it, don’t repeal it, just ratchet it back to a fairer and more equitable balance between demanding accountability from the industry, yet not restricting their abil-ity to do business.

And leave it to the Legislature to figure out where that balance is. It’s their job.

Ivan Moore is a public opinion pollster who lives in Anchorage and works for a variety of cli-ents—political, corporate, public sector, or just plain curious—around Alaska. His opinions are his own and we give him a long leash. He can be reached at [email protected].

City’s union contracts must be reined in BY MIkE DINGMAN

Mayor Dan Sullivan has hit it out of the park. In a move that would make Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker proud,

his office has created an ordinance to cripple unions within the Municipality and would put Anchorage on the path to controlling the bud-get.

Mayor Sullivan introduced an ordinance at Tuesday’s Anchorage Assembly meeting that would strip local unions of many rights, in-cluding the right to strike and arbitration. It would eliminate longevity pay, performance pay increases and step increases. Additionally, firefighter and police officer unions would be strictly limited to firefighters and sworn police officers respectively.

It would also make changes to the way people are paid. Holidays would be uniform throughout the Municipality’s unions, union representatives would no longer be paid by the Municipality to do union duties, and labor costs would no longer be allowed to rise more than the average Consumer Price Index (CPI) increase over the last five years. Contracts would also be limited to three years.

This move is predicated on contracts that were pushed through the Assembly in the mid-night hour of Mark Begich’s tenure as mayor. Widely criticized by conservatives, the new contracts were for five years rather than the standard three and were believed by many con-servatives to have included almost everything the unions had asked for.

We have all seen the yearly section in the Anchorage Daily News that shows the highest paid public employees. Every year, people com-ment on how so many police officers and fire-fighters make more in overtime than they do in regular salary and how many of them make more than double in overtime what the average Anchorage resident makes in their total pay for that year. However, most people probably don’t truly understand the effect that has on the mu-nicipal budget.

Overtime is a major problem for the An-chorage Police Department’s budget. Police of-ficers work four 10-hour shifts a week, which provides them ample opportunity for overtime. Their contract states that, “If the employee works overtime on the second day off, the em-ployee shall be paid at two times the regular rate of pay.” So, in addition to receiving time and a half on their first day of overtime, if they work a second day, they receive double their pay in overtime. You can see how quickly this can add up.

Compounding this problem is the fact that overtime in the APD is assigned by seniority.

Article Nine, Section Six of the APDEA con-tract states “All work performed outside the regularly scheduled workday shall be on po-sition seniority basis.” This means that those at the top of the income scale in the APD can claim as much overtime as they like based on their seniority.

Mayor Sullivan inherited these contracts and because they were five-year contracts, rather than three, he had no opportunity in his first term to do anything to change them. The rising cost of these contracts made balancing the budget within the constraints of the mu-nicipal tax cap problematic for the Sullivan ad-ministration over the last few years.

This move by Mayor Sullivan is a breath of fresh air for those of us that understand how the union contracts pushed through by then-Mayor Begich has throttled the necks of the municipal budget writers. Nobody except Mark Begich can tell you what his motivations were for the manner in which the contracts were passed—however, perhaps the axiom “fol-low the money” is telling in this instance.

Mayor Begich was about to run for Senate against long-term incumbent and near-demigod Senator Ted Stevens, who was facing federal prosecution on cor-ruption charges. The more union money he could bring in for this historic election, the better. (Sena-tor Steven’s conviction was later dismissed when a Justice Department probe found evidence of pros-ecutorial misconduct.)

Municipal employees are a hard-working group—don’t fall into the stereotype trap. The Municipality hires police officers, firefighters, electrical lineman and many other employees that work difficult and dangerous jobs.

We all know how dangerous the jobs of fire-fighters, police officers and linemen can be. At the same time, we have no clue. Only the brave men and women that wake up every morning, put that badge on their chest and walk out into harm’s way truly understand the level of dedi-cation and bravery that is required.

These employees deserve to be paid well. However, when someone is making more in overtime than they are in their base salary, something is broken. These contracts cripple the municipal budget and do more harm than good. While I praise our public safety and oth-er public employees for their hard work, this ordinance is necessary to keep Anchorage’s budget within reasonable restraints.

Mike Dingman was born and raised in An-chorage. He is a former student body president at UAA and has studied, worked and volun-teered in Alaska politics since the late 90s. His opinions are his own. He can be reached at [email protected].

opinion>>moore report opinion>>mike dingman

Down the drain Reasonable restraint

When someone is making more in overtime than they are in their base salary, something is broken.

EVERY THURSDAY IN THE

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BOOk REvIEW

Ritchie’s novel is by turns hilarious and moving, and among other things provides a raw and honest portrait of life in modern Alaska.

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Cinthia Ritchie’s Dolls Behaving Badly explores the sidestreets of Anchorage life. BY kRIs FARMEN

I’m an only chilD, which among other things means I didn’t grow up with any sisters to torment me. More than one woman has assured me I should count this among my bless-

ings, but the upshot for a novelist is that without this sort of foundational experience it can be excruciatingly difficult to craft convincing female characters. One of my nostrums for this af-fliction has been to occasionally wade into the ocean of women’s literature in what is nothing less than a quest for illumination.

Cinthia Ritchie’s (who, in the interest of full disclosure, I know from a writers group) de-but novel Dolls Behaving Badly follows a winter in the life of Carla Richards, a divorced sin-gle mother in her late 30s living in a trailer park on the edge of Spenard. We first meet Carla in the fall, with the streets of Mid-town Anchorage in all their grit-ty October bleakness. Autumn in Paris it ain’t. She’s broke and in debt up to her eyeballs as a result of some less than respon-sible credit card decisions. She works as a waitress in a Mexican restaurant, and she still sleeps with her ex-husband on a semi-regular basis. Their son Jay-Jay, a precocious and gifted eight year old, is the only bright spot in her life.

Carla is also an artist. In her younger days she harbored

dreams of becoming a great painter, but the ambitions of her early 20s have long since been overwhelmed by the hard realities of life, a fairly common experience. Now she cuts up Barbie and Ken dolls to reshape them into anatomically correct X-rated art pieces that are sold online to collectors around the world. She makes a little extra money from this, but it’s not nearly what she needs to pull herself out of the financial hole she’s been living in, and in terms of artistic fulfillment the dirty doll trade leaves something to be desired. Carla’s future is as bleak as ever.

Help arrives from two unlikely sources, the first being a blog written by “The Oprah Giant,” whose identity is never revealed.

Among the pearls of wisdom she offers is the suggestion to keep a diary, and it is Carla’s scribblings that form the narrative of Dolls, broken up here and there to good effect by letters, emails and phone messages from debt collectors, as well as recipes for various forms of Polish comfort food.

Then there’s a Swedish archaeologist named Francisco. He’s tall, ruggedly handsome, and has what most of the world thinks is a fascinating job. Girl likes boy, boy likes girl, but in the way of 30- and 40-somethings with chaotic lives they have a night-marish time trying to line up their schedules. Despite a series of disastrous dates they manage to fall in love, and as the winter progresses we see Carla inspired to take up her paintbrush once again. This proves both an escape and palliative measure as her life spirals into a maelstrom of family, dead-end jobs, difficult romance, and a delightfully wise teenage girl from the next trailer over.

Ritchie’s novel is by turns hilarious and moving, and among other things provides a raw and honest portrait of life in mod-ern Alaska. “Not the wild parts,” Ritchie writes, “but smack in the middle of Anchorage, with the Walmart and Home Depot squatting over streets littered with moose poop.” This is not another wearisome tale of wannabe pioneers coming north to Alaska seeking a new start and redemption. The cast of charac-ters come from the burnout end of the social spectrum. They’re the sort of folk who drink too much, like to smoke a joint after work, and save their meager wages for tattoos rather than retire-ment accounts. We know these people, and part of Ritchie’s ge-nius is her ability to take the ordinary and make it extraordinary.

I particularly like the way Dolls gives an unflinching look at the struggle to make art, and more importantly to be recognized for one’s creativity. This can be difficult when you come from a background that offers no advantages in this realm. Art is not an easy row to hoe, as folks used to say, and Ritchie very obviously knows this because it comes through beautifully in her storytell-ing. She’s crafted a novel that crackles with life, and characters from right off the sidestreets of Anchorage.

Good as it is, the book isn’t perfect. Ritchie seems a little too eager to drop local place names and restaurants into the text. There’s nothing wrong with this on a conceptual level, but she does it so often that it becomes a bit gratuitous. She tends to write overly long passages of dialogue that read like postmodern soliloquies of the “To be or not to be” variety. She also overem-phasizes the poor grammar of some of her characters, Carla’s ex in particular. Bad locution is hardly uncommon, and once again there’s nothing wrong per se with writing the way people talk, but Ritchie stresses this character’s inarticulate nature to the point that he comes across as a cartoon hillbilly in a chef costume, or perhaps a cast member from the old Hee Haw show.

I’d also be remiss not to point out that her male characters tend toward the tired old clichés about men: The hunter who kills things because he has masculinity issues, the ruggedly handsome scientist who’s always on the road, that sort of thing, though it’s probably worth mentioning that there is no short-age of fiction where male writers revert to timeworn stereotypes about women. Turnabout is fair play, if perhaps less than produc-tive in the long run.

All this being said, I really enjoyed Dolls Behaving Badly. Ritchie kept me turning the pages, and ultimately that’s what matters. She offers a vision not just of Alaska but of all human-ity that is romantic, compelling, and poignant, and I for one am eager to see what she comes up with next. In the meantime I’ll be reading Bridget Jones’s diary, if I can just find where she hides the damnable thing.

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EVERY THURSDAY FROMDR. FERMENTO


NEWS<<BLOTTER>>By Scott Christiansen

In addition to driving drunk, the gate-crasher who plowed a GMC pickup through the Boniface gate at Joint Base Elmendorf-Richardson last month was also talking on the phone while driving. That’s according to charging documents filed in federal court by an investigator for the U.S. Air Force. The investigator, Special Agent Matthew C. Dallara, wrote that 25-year-old Kyle S. Hansen was also on felony probation due to previous state DUI charges. In other words, the crazy man who smashed through the base gate and led military cops on a chase across JBER, injuring a sol-dier and attracting gunfire, is someone the State of Alaska was supposed to be keeping track of.

Hansen’s probation was for two felony DUIs and one case of felony eluding. He was not legally allowed to drive, and the GMC pickup, which lost a license plate during the cha-otic chase, was registered to a friend but owned by Hansen, the friend told Air Force investigators.

Dallara’s synopsis of the chaos that began the night of January 18 reveals more details about Hansen. (It doesn’t identify the woman on the other end of the phone call, call-ing her only an “unknown female.”) Hansen previously used heroin, one friend told investigators, but had taken to pop-ping cold and flu pills in lieu of drugs. His preferred brand was Coricidin D and he would take up to 10 pills at a time.

Sometime between 9 and 10 p.m., January 19, a man named Shawn McKenna called Hansen for a ride. McK-enna is the man who allegedly registered the GMC pickup in his own name on Hansen’s behalf. He was waiting at the restaurant TGI Friday’s in midtown, so Blotter suspects Hansen and McKenna are not self-aware hipsters looking to impress anyone. Anyhow, according to Special Agent Dal-lara’s description, Hansen had already been drinking when he showed up at TGIF’s.

“McKenna expressed concern regarding Hansen’s level of intoxication,” Dallara wrote. McKenna later told inves-tigators the two men spent about one hour at TGIF’s—this despite McKenna’s concerns—and “McKenna did not think Hansen was acting normally.” When McKenna took Han-sen’s keys away (the first of at least two attempts) Hansen re-fused to ride with him in his own pickup. The friendship was being tested, as is evident in the special agent’s description of events. McKenna refused to ride with Hansen to McK-enna’s apartment in Eagle River, instead urging Hansen to go with him to a friend’s place in Anchorage. Later, when Hansen was “driving erratically” in a parking lot, McKenna got out of the truck. He again tried to take the keys, but his friend drove off with the passenger door still open.

About 2 a.m. January 19, McKenna received a series of desperate text messages from Hansen—“pick up your phone,” “I need you now,” and “shit hit the fan.” The two men connected several hours later. At about 3:30 p.m. Janu-ary 19, Hansen arrived at McKenna’s apartment in Eagle River. He brought some stuff from the GMC, a seat cover, some used syringes and an empty alcohol bottle.

Hansen explained what happened. He crashed the gate, drove across base under fire and did not stop because he was afraid he’d be killed. He threatened to “go home, get his guns and go out with a bang” rather than go to jail, the court filing says. McKenna remained loyal, apparently talk-ing his friend down from the suicide by cop idea. A tip was phoned in to Anchorage Police, and Hansen was found at McKenna’s apartment, hiding under a bed. He denied being involved in any of the chaos on base the previous night. He asked for an attorney and was taken into custody.

A list of assetsMarti Lee Cox, whose husband Schaeffer Cox has been

sentenced to 25 years and 10 months in federal prison for threatening to kill federal employees, including a judge, has filed for protection in U.S. Bankruptcy Court. The wife of the founder of Alaska Peacemakers Militia is about $257,000 in debt and has only about $34,000 in assets. There is some cash, naturally, and Mrs. Cox listed some bank accounts that total less than $4,100. (Nothing overseas is listed.) Mrs. Cox listed a five-year-old flat screen TV for $200, which might indicate wishful thinking on her part. Her sofa was “stained” (aren’t they all?) and could fetch $500 if you throw in a chair and ottoman. Her wardrobe of clothing is a modest $700, but she has a handful of accessories: three strings of pearls, three diamond necklaces, two sets of pearl earrings and two diamond rings. (Jewelry is worth about $1,150.) Whatever Alaskans might think of Miniature Militia Boss Cox, he ob-viously wasn’t spending all his extra cash at gun shows. And no, Mrs. Cox did not list a single weapon among her assets. Her white enclosed trailer is worth $3,000, suitable for load-ing with ammo and foodstuff, or anything else you need to keep out of the weather or away from prying eyes. There’s a 20-foot car trailer ($2,500) a 1984 Ford pickup ($1,000) and a 1990 International garbage truck ($7,000) which is listed as “owned by husband” and has 118,000 miles.

Lastly—and this item should come in handy during the coming economic collapse Mr. Cox warned us about—a 30-foot sailboat moored in Sitka. It needs work, but is valued at $6,000.

—Scott Christiansen

Labor bosses shocked by ordinanceBY sCOTT CHRIsTIANsEN

In front of blue banner with the word “Solidarity” in all caps, flanked by the U.S. and Alaska flags, bosses from eight unions took turns attacking Anchorage Mayor Dan

Sullivan’s Ordinance 37 in a press conference Monday. The or-dinance would strip bargaining rights from organized city em-ployees. Ordinance 37 (called “AO no. 2013-0037” in city docu-ments) would make sweeping changes to city labor law and could lead to more private-sector contractors doing the work of local government.

Union leaders say their members were shocked by Sullivan’s pro-posal, which was introduced late in the afternoon Friday, February 8, and reported that afternoon and weekend. Those reports had little reaction—and absolutely zero informed reaction—from the union bosses, who were caught off guard. By the time of the press confer-ence, it seemed they had studied all weekend.

“Why are we putting something so drastic forward with no input from anybody else at the city? What political agenda is in play?” asked Rod Harris, president of Anchorage Firefighters Union (IAFF Local 1264).

Harris and other union leaders gathered in a conference room of Operating Engineers Local 302 on Denali Street. They allege Sulli-van’s proposal will trash collective bargaining rights that have been protected by city code for nearly 40 years. Union firefighters, Harris said, would lose their voice in decisions about staffing firehouses with people and equipment. “The mayor has specifically, in this proposal, written out any ability for employees that work for the community to have any say over how they deliver services, what equipment they use, [and] safety standards—all of that is taken out and has become a management right,” Harris said.

Sullivan’s own department directors did not see the proposed leg-islation until 4:30 p.m. the previous Friday, the same time it was an-nounced to the Anchorage Assembly and the general public. Union leaders said the Mayor has a political agenda, implying Sullivan could be trying to play to conservative money machines—Tea Party alert!—in preparation for a run at the U.S. Senate.

“I have to wonder if this is a political ordinance,” said Rick Boyles, vice president of Teamsters Local 959, adding that the Mayor may be trying to align his name with Outside interests. Alaska’s next U.S. Senate race is in 2014 when Senator Mark Begich comes up for re-election. Sullivan remains in the undecided column for that race.

Ordinance 37 landed on the Assembly agenda Tuesday as new business. The Assembly could pass it following a required public hearing on February 26. Union leaders say this is rushed. They could be proven correct, but only if the Assembly chooses to quickly pass the ordinance in two meetings.

In the meantime, Sullivan has been making appearances on con-servative talk radio to bolster support for his ideas. The Mayor told the KFQD audience Monday afternoon that the privatization of city ser-vices—he calls the strategy “managed competition” but unions call it

“privatization”—would happen slowly and carefully.“We want the ability to try it, this is something we are going to ap-

proach very, very cautiously though,” Sullivan said. “Managed com-petition has to be done right. It has to truly generate savings and no loss of service.” Sullivan claimed there are “lots of examples” outside Alaska of success when local governments contract out jobs tradition-ally held by government employees. He mentioned Seattle and India-napolis on the radio. He described Seattle as liberal and Indianapolis as more conservative, saying both cities have outsourced jobs.

Sullivan didn’t give any specific examples. He has yet to say which services he would like to privatize, though one section of the ordi-nance would carve ambulance and medical emergency services out from the Anchorage Fire Department, allowing for a private ambu-lance contractor. The radio host didn’t ask him to give specifics, but to be fair, Ordinance 37 is a big ball of wax and there’s a lot to talk about.

Just because Sullivan doesn’t have examples yet does not mean An-chorage voters have to look to the Lower 48. Several in-state school districts use private transportation contractors to provide school busses. Some use a combination of district-owned busses and private contractors.

The Matanuska-Susitna Borough School District went further, out-sourcing the jobs of about 115 janitors to a subsidiary of Nana Region-al Corporation. The move led to a three-year court battle with Mat-Su Classified Employees Association, which wanted the custodians back in their fold. In 2009, the Alaska Supreme Court ruled in the district’s favor. It also spawned a political movement, partly led by Mat-Su CEA, which over the course of about four years replaced school board members who favored outsourcing with union-friendly candidates. The Nana contract is called a “failed three-year experiment” on the website run by the statewide teachers’ union, NEA Alaska.

So yes, outsourcing is legal. But it can get messy. Mayor Sullivan’s plan won’t privatize police or fire services or ap-

ply to the Anchorage School District. It eliminates the right to strike for other city employees. It leaves current contracts intact, but would limit future union contracts to three years. Boyles, of the Teamsters,

attacked that part specifically. He said Local 959 often negotiates five-year contracts in the private sector. The employers want long con-tracts, Boyles said, because they stabilize costs.

The ambulance with a meterOrdinance 37 will likely be most controversial in the area of public

safety. This is where the stakes get high, as labor officials try to protect the jobs of paramedics and emergency medical technicians who work at the Anchorage Fire Department. In the coming weeks the Assem-bly can prepare to hear stories about grandmothers falling on the ice, husbands revived after heart attacks and children trapped inside the wreckage of crashed cars. That’s not hyperbole. Emergency calls, by their very nature, include real trauma.

Ordinance 37 eliminates a city rule called the “EMS integration plan” or “Plan B-110,” which is at the heart of how the Anchorage Fire Department operates. Plan B-110 integrates fire fighting and emergency medical services. Plan B-110 is the bureaucratic glue that bonds the paramedics and ambulances to the fire department, and many AFD firefighters are cross-trained emergency responders. (Not all AFD firefighters are trained to the level of paramedics.) The plan also establishes a board to oversee the department according to inter-national best practices. If the union and City Hall are in dispute over their contract, both sides will continue to follow Plan B-110.

Harris, the president of IAFF Local 1264, said Plan B-110 is a model imitated in jurisdictions outside Alaska. He also said many cities that have privatized ambulances watched rates soar. He says the privatiza-tion trend of the 1990s has reversed course when it comes to ambu-lances. Plan B-110 also provides the job description, Harris said, for the fire department’s medical director, an ER doctor. “All of the work we do, when we respond for emergency medical calls, we do under his supervision,” Harris said late Tuesday.

At the Monday press conference, Harris called the mayor’s plan “a back-door” to privatization. He said Anchorage has slim chances of finding qualified employees, or keeping them, if shorter contracts and weaker safety standards prevail. “Anchorage could become a training ground for the rest of the state and the country,” Harris said.

One consistent complaint at the union press conference was that Mayor Sullivan and a handful of close advisors had worked on the proposal without employee input or input from department super-visors. It seems only a few people, in human resources and finance, knew of the ordinance in the works before it landed on the Assembly agenda, sponsored by Assembly Chairman Ernie Hall and South An-chorage Assemblywoman Jennifer Johnston.

“The process is just wrong,” Harris said. Sullivan has countered by saying the public process starts with the Assembly meeting and the administration has a right to form policy without telegraphing dis-cussions of the ordinance beforehand.

Arguments about political timing are sure to come and go as Ordi-nance 37 is debated. They might seem like a side issue, but they also shed light on the political zeitgeist of the city. What Harris wants is a mayor’s office with an open-door policy for union bosses, a mayor who contacts key employees during policy discussions. He also wants, as evident in his comments Monday, for union workers to have inside knowledge before the Assembly and the general public are informed of the policy debate.

Those open doors closed in July 2009, when Dan Sullivan took of-fice. They shut tighter last April, when Sullivan was re-elected. The Assembly also became more conservative in the April 2011 election, and has been cooperative with the Mayor ever since. The body tilted even further when Harriett Drummond, a liberal Democrat, was elected in November to the Alaska House of Representatives and left the Assembly in January. The Assembly appointed Sullivan’s budget director Cheryl Frasca to the seat vacated by Drummond.

Sullivan, for better or for worse, is simply striking while the iron is hot. Union leaders who say they didn’t see Ordinance 37 coming might not be monitoring local politics closely enough.

The story broke wider at the Assembly meeting Tuesday night when Ordinance 37 came up for a routine first reading. Union sup-porters packed the Assembly chamber at Z. J. Loussac Library and the crowd spilled into the adjacent lobby. A crowd gathered outside on the sidewalks and driveways. Vince Beltrami, president of Alaska AFL-CIO was present with a bullhorn, updating the crowd on the action inside the meeting and leading pro-union chants. Beltrami told the crowd to keep track of Assembly votes on Ordinance 37. “Remember to reward our friends and punish our enemies,” Beltrami urged, refer-ring to the April city elections.

Ordinance 37 survived Tuesday night. The Assembly voted 7-4 to allow the proposal to proceed to a February 26 public hearing. As-sembly members Dick Traini, Elvi Gray-Jackson, Paul Honeman and Patrick Flynn voted to table the ordinance indefinitely. Assem-bly members Bill Starr, Debbie Ossiander, Ernie Hall, Cheryl Frasca, Adam Trombley, Chris Birch and Jennifer Johnston voted to move the ordinance forward. Hall and Johnston had previously joined the mayor in sponsoring the ordinance.

The Assembly has a work session scheduled to discuss the ordi-nance from 1-3 p.m. Friday, February 15, at City Hall. As of press deadline, it was scheduled for the Mayor’s conference room on the eighth floor. The Assembly calendar at www.muni.org should be up-dated if the location or time changes.

—[email protected]

Mayor goes nuclear on unions


GuiDED HikE: PrOSPECT WAN-DEr — Join volunteers Bob and Ann Fisher for a 6.5-mile round trip hike on the Prospect trails, starting from the Prospect Heights trailhead in Anchorage. The hike involves a 900-foot elevation gain over the course of the hike. Bring a daypack with snacks, water, wind/snow clothing, snowshoes and/or ice cleats may be needed. The hike is limited to the first 12 people (at least 18 years old) who register by calling 694-2108. Hikers may be beginners, but should be in good shape. Free program. There is $5 parking fee at Prospect Heights trailhead (Alaska State Park day-use passes honored). Saturday, February 16, at noon at the Eagle River Nature Center. (32750 Eagle River Rd., Eagle River)

Jr. Naturalist Program: liFE uNDEr THE SNOW — An insulat-ing blanket of snow helps plants and animals survive the cold. Learn about animals that depend on snow and live in the subnivean zone. The class will look for animal tunnels and other signs of life beneath the snow, unless it’s below zero. Dress for going outdoors. Free program; $5 parking for non-members. Sat-urday, February 16, at 2 p.m. at the Eagle River Nature Center. (32750 Eagle River Rd., Eagle River)

Hot oN tHE trail oF aNimal TrACkS — Crime scene tracking specialists Jim Wolfe and Chris Be-heim (both retired from the Alaska State Crime Lab) will present techniques they use for preserv-ing tracks outdoors, including in snow. Free program; $5 parking for

non-members. Sunday, February 17, at 2 p.m. at the Eagle River Nature Center. (32750 Eagle River Rd., Eagle River)

Ski/SNOWbOArD WAxiNG bASiCS — Taking care of your skis/board will help you have a great time on the slopes. This class will focus on a wide variety of subjects including base preparation: struc-ture, major and minor repair and stone grinding. An REI expert tech-nician will also go into an in-depth examination of how and why waxes work. You do not need to bring your personal skis or snowboard to this class. Saturday, February 9, at 11 a.m. in the Anchorage R.E.I store. (1200 Northern Lights Blvd.)

WiNtEr laNdscaPE PHotog-rAPHy — In this intensive two-day workshop, students will learn to capture Alaska’s fantastic winter light and scenery. A variety of techniques will be explored includ-ing using filters to create surreal long exposure images. Saturday will be spent in a local Anchorage park, Sunday will be a review of images and basic lightroom techniques. Class cost is $100 and is taught by Carl Battreall. Saturday and Sunday, February 16-17, at 12 p.m. in the Anchorage R.E.I store. (1200 Northern Lights Blvd.)

GO rED FOr WOMEN ZuM-bATHON — Wear red and join in the fight against heart disease and stroke. All proceeds from this event benefit the American Heart Association’s Go Red for Women Campaign. Entry is $10 per person. There will be giveaways and door

prizes, including a one month un-limited zumba pass. Friday, Febru-ary 15, at 6:30 p.m. at Alaska Club West. (1400 W. Northern Lights)

CHANGE yOur AGE WOrkSHOP — Create a more youthful, intel-ligent body at any age with these easy-to-learn movement sequences that help you break away from physically limiting habits that can make you feel old. Update your muscle memory to reverse the signs of aging. Transform your balance, improve your posture, move away from pain, regain agility and coordi-nation. Simple, powerful exercises train the brain to send correct signals to the body for greater ease and comfort. Moves are not stress-ful and do not demand muscular strength or flexibility. No repetitive routines. More information avail-able at FeldenkraisJourneys.com. Event begins at 1 p.m. on Saturday, February 16, at Motion Options. (3524 E. 15th Ave.)

ONGOING

alaska outdoors WEEkly HikiNG — Alaska Outdoors hosts year-round outing events every Monday and Thursday throughout the Anchorage area. Monday out-ings are for beginners and families. Thursday outings are more challeng-ing. Meeting location changes every week. Please check location often. Check locations online at www.alaska-outdoors.org

mcgiNlEy’s 5k Pub ruN — Held every Tuesday. Register for free at Skinny Raven starting at 5:15 p.m. First group begins at 5:30 p.m. and

the second group begins at 6 p.m., ending the run at McGinley’s Pub. Many prizes to give away with a different vendor each week.

HAPkiDO/TAEkWONDO — Learn to defend against attack using methods of combat Hapkido and TaeKwonDo. An emphasis is on continuing martial arts education and self defense. Classes designed for the new and continuing martial arts student wanting to improve self-defense skill. Seven-week ses-sions through November 1. Classes are held Thursdays at 7 p.m. at Fairview Recreation Center (1121 E. 10th Ave.)

miNdFulNEss yoga — This Mindfulness Yoga class merges Buddhist Mindfulness meditation with classical yoga postures into a single practice of ‘meditation in motion’, that enlivens the body, liberates the spirit, and awakens compassion, equanimity and joy. During this 90-120 minutes class we will practice simple yoga pos-tures with an emphasis that is less on the performance or form of the asanas and more on the explora-tion of sense-experience and its contents, quality and activity. Learn to observe the impermanent nature of sensations, emotions and mental states, which allows you to let go of unhealthy habit patterns of reactiv-ity and guides you to the realization that freedom, clarity and happiness ultimately rest within ourselves. Suggested donation is $10.00 per person. Every Sunday from 7:30 p.m. to 9 p.m. at Snow Buddha Yoga (13910 Venus Way)

moViNg From surViViNg to tHriViNg: yoga PracticE For caNcEr surViVors — Yoga Prac-tice is a life style intervention. Yoga can teach us self empowering ways to meet and live with the cancer reality; help us release tension so our bodies really “feel”, when we are stressed we can make deci-sions about our activities and our attitudes that can change our rela-tionship to our cancer experience. Saturdays 11 a.m. at the Alaska Club East (5201 E. Tudor Rd.)

WatEr aErobics class — Com-munity water aerobics class with certified instructors in salt water pool every Monday, Wednesday, Fri-day all year round. 10-class punch card $45 or $5 for a single class. Class from 12 p.m. to 1 p.m. in the APU Moseley Sports Center (4101 University Dr)

FENciNg classEs— Did you see fencing during the Olympics? Fencing Center of Alaska has a class for you. Learn how to move and think like a fencer and see how those skills apply through out your life. You will learn history, technique and strategy with an Olympic fencer. Join a class today. Classes are available for fencers age 6 years old and up (we really mean “and up”). If you think you are out of shape or too old, think again. Fencing is a life long sport you can start at any age. Phone: (907) 771-5963. Fencing Center of Alaska (2603 Barrow St.)

kriPalu yoga — Kripalu Yoga, for beginning to intermediate levels of practice, is a meditative style

of yoga which includes classical postures, breathing techniques, meditation, and relaxation to open the heart and promote harmony, strength and flexibility in body, mind, and spirit. Bring two blankets and wear loose, comfortable cloth-ing. Tuesdays through October, from 6 to 7:15 p.m. at the Fairview Recreation Center (1121 E. 10th)

moViNg mEditatioN— Experi-ence QiGong, Meditation & Tai Chi for health, healing and spiri-tual wellness. Beginners welcome. Saturdays and Sundays 9-10 a.m. More info at www.touchoftao.com. Oriental Healing Arts Center (2636 Spenard Rd.)

OFF THE CHAiN OPEN SHOP HOurS— Open shop hours at Off the Chain bike collective are every week on Sundays and Wednesdays from 3 to 7 p.m. Come into the shop to work on your bike, learn about how to work on their bike, donate bikes/bike parts, and get involved with volunteering at OTC. Off The Chain Bike Collective (814 W Northern Lights Blvd.)

TAiCHi FOr SENiOrS— Improves lower body and leg strength, helps with arthritis, dementia and senil-ity, Improves balance, stability, and flexibility, Relieves physical effects of stress, Promotes a good nights rest, Low impact— minimal pressure on bones and joints. No experience needed, may start any time, beginners welcome. 10:30 to 11:30 a.m. at Oriental Healing Arts Center (2636 Spenard Rd.) More information at www.touchoftao.com.

HEADLAMP

SPORTS&RECLISTING>>

Dating advice for the backcountry set BY JIll MIssAl

Ah, valentine’S Day. That midwinter social stumbling block that relentlessly swings through every February to bite you on the butt. If you’re coupled up, you have to take your V-

Day cues from your loved one just right, or you’ll either disappoint them by doing too little or scare them off by doing too much. If you’re single or just starting to date someone, you’re caught on the awkward cusp of a conundrum—do you tell your new love interest that you choo-choo-choose her, or play it cool?

With Valentine’s Day fast approaching, thinking about one’s ro-mantic status is unavoidable, even if you eschew Hallmark holidays. In Alaska, it’s a reminder that it’s freaking cold out and if you don’t have a winter sweetie by now, you better act fast or breakup will be upon us, and everyone knows it’s harder to hook up during the fre-netic Alaska summer. Winter seems to be the hot time for starting a relationship, so I thought the outdoors set could use some beta on dating before entering the fray this V-Day.

If you haven’t noticed, finding love is a challenge for outdoorsy-minded people. It’s tough out there, finding your match in a sea of skiers and climbers and winter bikers. The active, social popula-

tion of Anchorage is just seething with singles with whom one can mingle, but they’re awfully hard to pin down for dating purposes. They’re not a set that cooperatively hangs out in the bars so that you can find them easily; the cool kids are out doing cool stuff, so it’s hard to meet a like-minded person unless you happen to cross paths at the top of Ripple. Even if you do, chances are you’ll just make googly-eyes at each other and carry on doing what you’re doing, never to see each other again. You’ll likely end up meeting someone at work and trying to mold him or her into the outdoors activity partner you always wanted—and if you’ve ever tried to do that, you know it rarely works out well in the long run. Maybe they’ll be will-ing to learn new things, but if your idea of a “comfort item” is a ¾ length foam pad and his is a Bloody Mary bar, you may not be com-patible no matter how much you try to share each others’ worlds.

No, it’s much better to date someone who already shares some of your outdoor passions. If you’ve got your eye on someone, you are probably like any other outdoorsy person and plan to invite him/her on an activity-based date, like a ski tour. It can’t fail! She likes to ski, and you like to ski! It’s the perfect setup, a great excuse to ar-range an outing. But who amongst us hasn’t ended up on a ski trip gone wrong because one person had expectations that differed from their partner’s? She might just be stoked to get some turns with a partner who owns and actually knows how to turn on an avalanche transceiver (you do know how, right?) rather than be stuck with an-other resort day. You might be inwardly elated that your love inter-est accepted your invitation, but unless she also knows that she’s on

a date, you might be in for an awkward time.I’ve been on more than one of those trips myself, the most memo-

rable being a backcountry trip to Canada on which my partner wait-ed until we were deep into the Monashees before mentioning that he was into more than just skiing with me. I’ve also been on a few on the flip side (a half dozen fat bike rides and me starting to think we had something good going, before he mentioned his wife—damn winter gear; how can a person spot a ring through puffy gloves and pogies?). Here’s some advice on how to make sure that your out-doors date really is a date.

I’ll use skiing as an example. Backcountry skiing is a popular date choice; it usually can be set up as a one-on-one day, which seems perfect for a date. Conversely, it is a perfect setup for a major misunderstanding. If you want to use skiing as a way into your love interest’s heart, don’t leave the door open for any confusion; make sure she knows it’s a date before you pull out the summit beer and bag of candy hearts as you strip your skins (rowr). The easiest way to accomplish this is to just tell her straight out, but let’s face it, if people were inclined to go the up-front route, these articles would be a lot shorter. So here’s a script for indicating your intentions right out loud while giving you both a graceful way out:

“Hey, I’d love to spend some time with you. But instead of a stan-dard ‘dinner and a movie,’ how about we go look for some turns in Hatcher? I’ll buy the beer afterwards.”

These simple sentences give her all the information she needs. She knows that you are asking her to ski as a date date. She knows that if she accepts, she’s in for a full day of togetherness; an outing book-ended by two long drives, and a pre-planned beer stop—no easy way to bail. If she accepts, you know you’ve got the green light that you’re on a date. If she turns the outing down, she can soften the blow by saying she isn’t into skiing that day, that the snow conditions are crap, her binding is broken or her skis need to be tuned. It’s the

more believable version of “I have to wash my hair.”If you get the green light, you’re faced with a choice—a normal

ski outing, or a ski date with ultra-romantic extras. If this is a first date, you’re probably better off keeping things low key, but when you’re ready to move to the next level, consider this: summit bev-erages are always appreciated, insisting on carrying/organizing her gear is not (we all have our way of dealing with our stuff, dammit, don’t mess with it). Romantic overtures in the backcountry aren’t easy—let’s face it, it’s hard to be romantic when everyone is bundled up, trying to stay warm and dry in the face of exertion and cold tem-peratures, you both probably have frozen snot on your faces, and there’s an objective (ski that line!) to accomplish. So how do you make this outing romantic?

My advice is: you don’t, at least not outwardly. Concentrate on being a good ski partner and a fun companion. You can make some light comments about finding each other attractive, but now is not the time for big gestures. If you want to do something sweet and endearing, warm her cold hands with your breath (cute and helpful) and make sure you offer to share all your chocolate. At the end of the day, a hug is a good lead-in to the non-mountain-based portion of your date, the part where you can hold hands and open doors and talk about how much fun you had skiing with her.

Of course I could be wrong about all this; a friend once called to complain about the awkward hike she’d just gone on with a guy who clearly had decided, of his own volition and without telling her, that they were on a date. He’d packed summit hot chocolate, and orchestrated a perfect afternoon enjoying a sunset from a peak on the front range. She came home full of dread. She didn’t want to date, she’d just wanted to go on a hike. Fast forward a few years and they’re now happily married. So, go by your instincts—but re-member, success stories like the one above are few and far between. Proceed at your own risk.

Love outdoors

Date or joint outing? It’s sometimes hard to tell.


It’s Valentine’s, so bust out the oyster, chocolate and… garlic? BY AsH ADAMs

You’ve hearD that chocolate and wine will set the mood, that spicy foods make for spicy love making. You’ve read that oysters will send you and your significant other into each

other’s arms, writhing with desire. But is it true? Are there aphro-disiac foods that will make Valentine’s Day last all night?

There are differing opinions on the matter. Almost every cul-ture has foods that they, as a people, respect as aphrodisiacs, and some of these have nutritional properties that might make them so. Oysters, for instance, are high in zinc, which increases libido. Chocolate was revered by the Aztecs as a love food, and today we know that good quality chocolate contains phenylethylamine and serotonin, which are both “feel good” chemicals in the brain.

According to Kantha Shelke, a food scientist recently quoted in US News on the subject (“How to Serve Aphrodisiac Foods,” Feb. 8,

2013) the problem with suggest-ing that foods are aphrodisiacs in the U.S. is that we live in a Viagra culture where people want the romance turned on now. “People expect instant gratification,” she says, “and I don’t believe any food can give you that.”

Shelke does go on to say that there are foods that can enhance sexuality—primarily by provid-ing libido-enhancing nutrients or improving circulation (to all of your parts). Ginger, for exam-

ple, increases circulation, which may be why it is mentioned in the Kama Sutra, a manual on the art of love.

Shelke also suggests sticking to healthy foods, noting that ba-con is never recommended for enhancing your love life. “What it comes down to is how you perform in bed,” she says, “so what you’re looking out for is your health.” This goes for drinking, too. If you drink too much, well, you know what happens. Nothing. Or something close to nothing. So if you need a little champagne to loosen up, fine, just don’t drink so much that you fall asleep dur-ing dinner.

Foods that make us sweat or warm us up inside are often coined as aphrodisiacs, most likely because these foods generate sensations that are similar to those we experience during sex—in-creased heart rate and metabolic rate, sweating, and, again, im-proved circulation. Garlic, chili peppers, and cayenne pepper all can get your blood pumping. Bakhru, author of Foods that Heal, writes that garlic is quite possibly the most aphrodisiac food, with onion a close second.

Other foods that are often associated with love-enhancing properties are those that resemble the male and female organs in appearance, like bananas, plums, peaches, and one of the oldest known fruits, figs. (And yes, you guessed it, oysters.) Avocados were enjoyed by the Mayans to improve sexual desirability. The Aztecs referred to the avocado tree as the “testicle tree” because of its supposed sexual powers. During medieval times, according to the Doctrine of Signatures, it was theorized that God created herbs and foods to resemble what they were supposed to do for us physically and medicinally, and so it was assumed that foods

that looked like male and female sex organs would be good for said parts. Paracleus von Hohenheim (1493-1541), observed that Hepatica acutiloba, an herb that resembles the liver in appearance, was used to treat the liver. William Coles (1626-1662) wrote in The Art of Simpling and Adam in Eden that walnuts were cures for head ailments because they resemble or “have the perfect signatures of” the head.

Today, of course, we need more proof of a food’s power beyond just the fact that it looks sexy. Do supposed aphrodisiacs work?

According to many, aphrodisiacs will work if we believe they will. According to Eugene Newton Anderson, author of Every-one Eats: Understanding Food and Culture, “all of these foods can sometimes work if the eater believes strongly enough,” he says.

“Nothing is more responsive to the placebo effect than the sexual function.”

Well, if you’re optimist or simply want to boost your bedroom confidence this V-Day, here are some of the aphrodisiacs that have been recommended through the ages and into the present day.

AlmondsAlexsandra Orlova, author of the Sex Diet: A Guidebook to a

Healthy Libido, recommends eating this nut regularly, as it is a good source of nutrients that are essential to the production of sex hormones. Orlova goes on to explain that the almond was a symbol of beauty in ancient China, and that Romans believed that almonds promised fertility and prosperity.

how to add this to your v-Day: Add almonds to a salad, pre-pare almond-crusted fish, or sprinkle almonds on a dessert.

BananasIs that a banana in your pocket, or are you just happy to see

me? Could be either. A recent article in the Huffington Post lists this seductive food as a top-10 aphrodisiac due to its high amounts of potassium and vitamin B, both of which are essential to the healthy function of sex hormones. According to Orlova, banana’s bromelain and tryptophan content also contribute to its positive impact on healthy libido function.

how to add this to your v-Day: Whip up a banana flambé for dessert with cinnamon (which is also warming), and top it with some crumbled almonds or other nuts and chilled coconut cream.

GarlicAccording to The Aphrodisiac Encyclopedia: A Compendium of

Culinary Come-Ons, garlic is the “ringleader of a pretty pungent aphrodisiac gang” that includes chives, leeks, onions, and shallots. It gives bodily circulation a boost while stimulating the release of nitric oxide, which, according to the The Aphrodisiac Encyclope-dia is the “messenger boy of arousal.” Like its foul-mouthed com-panions, garlic is unkind to the breath, which is its major downer for V-Day celebrations. Just make sure you and your lover both partake, so that neither party feels more pungent than the other.

how to add this to your v-Day: Roasting an entire bulb driz-zled with olive oil is sensual from start to finish. It may make for a stinky evening, but hey, love stinks sometimes. Just drizzle a bulb with olive oil, wrap the whole thing in foil and pop it in a 400 F oven for an hour or so. Serve with crackers, cheese, and some good wine.

OnionsOnions are cure-alls for pretty much everything, so it’s no won-

der that they promote healthy sexual function. Onions stimulate circulation, increase libido, and strengthen the reproductive or-

gans according to Bakhru. It’s true that onion, along with garlic, can make your breath a little less than romantic, so be sure to add something minty to the end of your meal to clear the air. (Fun fact: Aristotle advised Alexander the Great to keep his warriors from mint because of its aphrodisiac properties.)

how to add this to your v-Day: Onions are staple bases for sauces and soups, so they’re easily added to either of these. Car-amelized pearl onions are a seductively sweet and flavorful side dish that are superbly simple to prepare.

OystersI can’t get away from this one. Oysters are high in zinc, which

is their key claim to fame in aphrodisiac territory. According to Tanushree Podder, author of You are What You Eat, oysters were documented as aphrodisiacs as early as the second century A.D. by the Romans. In a satire, Juevenal described “the wanton ways of women after ingesting wine and eating giant oysters.”

how to add this to your v-Day: Buying and preparing oysters yourself if you’ve never done so may be intimidating for a V-Day dinner. So, I recommend swinging by the Bubbly Mermaid in downtown Anchorage to get your fix along with some romantic ambience and a little bubbly.

sexy FoodsFoods that are sexy in appearance have often been associated

with increasing sexual desire and improving sexual performance. The phallic asparagus has been lauded as an aphrodisiac for cen-turies, due either to its wang-like appearance or to the array of nutrients found in each stalk. Figs, which are thought to resemble the female sex organs, have been associated with the erotic for centuries as well. Peaches, plums, pears, you name it—these sexy foods have been thought at one time or another to spark arousal. Whether it’s the act of eating these foods or the food’s nutritional composition that’s sexy is still uncertain.

how to add this to your v-Day: Asparagus can be steamed, roasted, grilled, or par-boiled and drizzled with olive oil and lem-on juice, or it can be added to a pasta dish or risotto. Fruits can be baked into fancy tarts or eaten in their bold, bright, luscious natural form.

spicy FoodsBecause they raise the metabolic rate and make your face glow

warm, spicy foods have often been thought of as aphrodisiacs, which may or may not be entirely backed by science. What is known is that many of these foods, including chili peppers and ginger, increase the body’s circulation, which increases blood flow to your nether regions as well. Spanish fly, a powder that is made from a beetle in Southern Europe, can actually produce prolonged erections, according to The World of Human Sexuality, but numer-ous deaths have also been associated with its use. If I were you, I’d pass on the bugs and stick with the ginger.

how to add this to your v-Day: Add fresh ginger to a stir-fry or Asian-inspired fish dish. Add cayenne, chilis, or other spicy foods to anything—tofu and veggies to meat. Share the sweat and spice things up!

Do the supposed aphrodisiacs work?

food for lovers

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BREW REvIEW

Skip the champagne, beer is the beverage of romanceBY JAMEs “DR. FERMENTO” ROBERTs

love iS eaSy when it comes to beer, because beer is all about love in the first place. Unlike in many other industries, brewers follow their hearts and typically start out as home-

brewers with a swelling passion for not only the substance itself, but the art, alchemy and passion that goes with producing it. It

shows in all good beer, but at this time of year it’s especially apparent in products that pair good beer with romance and things from the heart.

Valentine’s beer can be one of two things: flavor based or theme based. Both approaches have a lot to offerand I found lots to choose from this year. Dance into your favorite grog shop and you can easily walk away

with more than you and your sweetie could consume in an eve-ning and still be coherent enough to remember where the night took you.

W hen it comes to flavor, incredibly popular during the season of love are the fruit lambics from Belgium. Lin-demans’ line of lambics is well known and include a

framboise (raspberry lambic), a kriek (cherry lambic), and peche (peach lambic). These sweet, intensely fruity beers, which reek and taste like their base fruits, are always pleasing, even if your sweetie doesn’t like beer. Most people agree that they don’t even taste like beer, with the big candy sweetness, overwhelming fruit flavors and typically lower alcohol content. In the craft beer world, these are often referred to as candy lambics because a more authentic, traditional fruit lambic imparts a stronger tart-ness and a little more balance on the malt side.

Another example is Timmermans’ Kriek. It, too, comes across as candy sweet. Clear and ruby red in the glass, it’s sensuous in appearance, so it gets a good score in the visual department. In the flavor, it’s a bit drier than the Lindemans, and yields a cleans-ing essence across the palate. The beauty of this one is that it’s a twister: the nose is the bait, the flavor is sophistication. It’s a dichotomy. There’s just enough sweetness across the palate to follow the nose, but not that sappy sweetness that kills the true essence of the beer. If you want the best of both worlds (yours and your sweetheart’s) this is a good pick.

If you’re used to the sweeter lambics and want to try some-thing drier and significantly more tart, score a bottle of Birra Del Borgo’s Rubis, a raspberry ale produced in Italy.

Right off the bat, you’ll notice a significant difference. The beer is not blood red like the others, but rather an orange/amber and not as brilliantly clear. A slight pink tone hints at the raspberries, but the nose is almost intensely sour and yet sweet at the same time. The raspberries in the flavor are evident and contributing, but they are in the background. The beer is quite sour as well, but like the aroma, comes with a sweet core. The finish is very dry.

I remember the heart-shaped boxes of chocolates I’d always buy my mom on Valentine’s Day, and were she still alive, I’d probably share one of a number of chocolate-infused beers with her instead. Tie into Southern Tier’s Imperial Chocolate Stout, for example. Remember Cocoa Puffs? Dare your mom to put her

nose in this beer and not come away with a freshly opened bag of those dark, delicious, round chocolate turds that made you jump up and down in anticipation. It doesn’t get a lot more loving and intense than this, and your sweetie is bound to feel the same way if you serve this at cellar temperature (just above cold).

In the theme-based lover-beer department, how about My Bloody Valentine from Portland’s Alameda Brewing Compa-ny? If nothing else, the label is cute, depicting a bleeding heart

with a knife through it. The beer is hand-bottled and the tops are dipped in red wax for additional effect. The beer’s a farmhouse-style saison, and the name’s a nod to the blood orange juice used in its manufacture. Expect the beer to come across as a bit tangy, tart, dry, bubbly, and easy to drink at a mild 5.5 percent alcohol.

What am I missing in the mix? It’s obvious! Why go so far for lovely goodness? Why not look at what’s right in front of you, here in Alaska? Gifts should come from the heart and the best can be found right here at home. On the themed-based side, get a bottle of Anchorage Brewing Company’s Love Buzz. This Bel-gian-style saison is soft on the palate, but features a healthy dose of bold and grape-fruity Simcoe and Amarillo hops, the spice of black peppercorns and orange peel and a kiss of fresh Alaska rose hips. The beer is dry hopped with Citra hops as it matures in French pinot noir barrels. Wine, roses and beer? It seems fit-ting to me.

From Kassik’s Brewery in Nikiski, look for the Chocolate Cherry Stout. A blend of sweet and tart cherries dance sensu-ously with rich chocolate nibs and dark malts for the perfect

blend of flavors in this 8.5 percent beer that hits the glass sort of brown/black and opaque. Poke around for some roast malt, a good hit of chocolate and, of course, the cherries in the aroma, and watch how they follow through similarly across the palate. This is not nearly as intense as Southern Tier’s chocolate beer, but Kassik’s is different by design and excellent as a standalone for Valentine’s Day.

On the suggestive side, bring home a bottle of Midnight Sun Brewing Company’s Panty Peeler. This long time favorite, a Belgian-style tripel, is light, but as spicy as the name suggests. Expect a slightly hazy orange pour with a bubbly white head. Cu-raco orange peel and coriander spice the bottle-conditioned beer that’s pretty lively at the pour and lends that nifty Belgian-esque aroma that comes across with a little funk and a bit of almost peppery spiciness. The 8.5 percent alcohol beer is definitely one to be shared out of the 22-ounce bomber bottle. Maybe more than one’s in order?

This isn’t a complete list of love- and romance-themed beers, and you’re bound to make a few discoveries of your own, espe-cially if you have cupid in tow during your visit to any liquor store that sells above-average beer. Go home with a number of samples and share the love.

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It doesn’t get a lot more loving and intense than this.

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DININGGUIDE>>

Anchorage Press dining guide offers selective listings of recommendations, Press Picks winners and advertisers on a space available basis. Food events, festivals, and listing updates from diligent readers and restaura-teurs are encouraged. Email [email protected] or fax 907-561-7777.

BREAkFAST

alaska bagEl rEstauraNt–Full breakfast and lunch menu of-fering a variety of bagel sandwiches, omelettes, soups and salads. We bake over 25 different varieties of fresh bagels everyday. All natural ingredients with no bleached flour and no trans-fats. Espresso bar and shakes available. Wi-fi hot spot. Dine-in, carry-out or delivery! 113 W. Northern Lights Blvd. #L 276-3900 alaskabagel.com

SNOW CiTy CAFE– Vegetarian-friendly offering a full breakfast menu all day, in addition to a variety of fresh baked goodies, gourmet soups, pastas, sandwiches and salads for lunch.1034 W. 4th Ave. and L St., 272-CITY (2489). Open 7 a.m.-4 p.m. daily.

lEroy’s Family rEstauraNt. Open 7 days a week, 24 hours a day. Full breakfast served all day. Lunch & Dinner includes sandwiches, hamburgers, steak and daily specials. 2420 C St., Corner of C St. and Fireweed 277-6162.

BURGERS

ArCTiC rOADruNNEr– The Kodiak Islander Burger features all the usual toppings, plus green pepper, bologna, salami, ham, two kinds of cheese and an onion ring. They also have specialty sandwiches, onion rings and thick shakes. 2477 Arctic Blvd., 279-7311, Mon.-Fri., 10:30 a.m.-8 p.m.; Sat., 11 a.m.-7 p.m.; 5300 Old Seward Hwy., 561-1245 Mon.-Sat., 10:30 a.m.-9 p.m.

straigHt out oF PHilly– With more varieties of Philly Steak sandwiches than you can imagine, you’ve gotta have the “Boss” Philly. Boasting the best chicken wings in town, try their different flavors. Also serving burgers and salads. Delivery available 210 E. Fireweed Lane, 569-1515; straightoutofphilly.com

tommy’s burgEr stoP– Perfect burgers with toasted buns, juicy beef, freshly chopped lettuce and tomatoes, and just the right amount of mayo. Or opt for bacon, jalapenos, pepperoncinis, sweet bell peppers, or pepperjack cheese. Other sandwiches include the Hot Wing Philly and Philly Cheese Steak. 1106 W. 29th place, 561-5696. Mon.-Fri., 10:30 a.m.-8 p.m.; Sat., 11 a.m.-8 p.m.; Sun. noon-4 p.m.

CAFES, DINERS & DELIS

coFFEE laNd– Coffee Land is a great place to enjoy freshly baked pastries from scratch and indulging in mouthwatering homemade soups made with the freshest ingredients. Also serving crispy salads, grilled Panini’s or health wraps, gourmet ciabatta sandwiches. Waffles, crepes, quiche available all day. Full espresso bar. Free Wi-Fi. Sunday special is Russian cuisine at the Spenard location. Enjoy a loose-leaf special blend tea from a real old Russian Samovar to wash down a tasty meal. 4505 Spenard Rd. 243-0303 510 L Street 243-0301 www.coffeelandak.com

COSMiC CAFÉ– Charming neighbor-hood café serves health oriented

sandwiches, soups, salads and muffins. Smoothies like the Mango Tango or Cosmic Berry are sure to delight or you can make your own. Espresso bar, tea, and Acai berry bowls. 701 W. 36th. Mon-Fri 9a-8p, Sat & Sun 10-6.

diaNNE’s– Can’t beat homemade bread, and Dianne’s serves it up thick on sandwiches with soup, salads and lots of low-fat, healthy options. Delivery and business lunch catering available. Hours: Mon.-Fri., 7 a.m.-4 p.m. 550 W. 7th Ave., Ste. 110, 279-7243 www.diannesrestau-rant.com

middlE Way caFE– This is the place to go if you’re seeking healthy soup, sandwiches or salads. Swing in to grab a latte and pastry (vegan and

“alternative” flavors are available) for the road, or take a seat at one of their bistro-style tables and enjoy a sophisticated sandwich amid their cozy, artsy décor. 1200 W. Northern Lights Blvd., 272-6433. Mon.-Fri., 7 a.m.-6:30 p.m.; Sat & Sun. 8 a.m.-5 p.m.

OrGANiC OASiS rESTAurANT AND JuiCE bAr - Organic Oasis Celebrates 15 years in Spenard with all organic beef, chicken and lamb. Only full service juice bar in town. They make all bread, dressings and sauces daily. Open 7 days a week with music on some of the nights. Organicoasis.com for menu and event schedule. 2610 Spenard Rd., 277-7882 Mon.-Sat. 11 a.m.-9 p.m., Fri. & Sat. 11 a.m.-10 p.m., Sun. 1 p.m.-6 p.m.

SPENArD rOADHOuSE– The roadhouse is a restaurant and bar, serving contemporary comfort food in a casual, eclectic setting. They welcome family and friends to a neighborhood gathering place to enjoy amazing food, local beers on draft, flights of small batch bourbons, among other delights! Mon. thru Fri. 11 a.m.-11 p.m., Sat & Sun. 9 a.m.-11 p.m., 1049 W. Northern Lights 770-ROAD (7623)

tablE 6– “Where friends and family meet.” Casual comfort food in an upbeat setting. Everything made in-house with a full liquor bar. Mon.-Sun. 11 a.m. to 11 p.m. 3210 Denali St., #8, 562-6000

tErra bElla bakEry caFé– of-fers organic, Alaska-roasted coffee by K Bay, as well as organic teas you won’t find anywhere else. Soups made from scratch, and gourmet sandwiches and salads made to order. Enjoy their upscale atmo-sphere, complete with gas fireplaces, leather couches, and a rotating art gallery, free wi-fi too. 601 E Dimond Blvd (next to Bed, Bath & Beyond), 562.2259 Breakfasts M-F 8:30 a.m.-3 p.m. daily/Lunch 11 a.m.-3 p.m. daily/Breakfast Sat & Sun 9 a.m.-1 p.m. 562-2259.

PEPPErciNi’s– Scrumptious deli po’boys and sandwiches, salads and freshly prepared soups. 3901 Old Seward Hwy., 279-3354.University Center Mall hours.

CHINESE

cHiNa ligHts– Alaska’s #1 Best Buffet. The 2008 Award Winner of the Top 100 Asian Restaurants’ in the USA. Anchorage location serves award winning buffet 7 days a week: includes all you can eat sushi, salad bar, and dessert bar. Eagle River location serves lunch buffet 7 days a week. Both locations offer full menu ordering. Carry out and delivery service available. Anchor-age: (522-5888) 9220 Old Seward Hwy 11a.m.-10 p.m. Eagle River: (694-8080) 12110 Business Blvd Sun-Thurs 11 a.m.-10 p.m. Fri and

Sat 11a.m.-10:30 p.m.

Fu-DO– Hello honey! This friendly, authentic-looking Chinese restaurant offers all your favorites in a warm atmosphere. There’s beer and wine, and a candy dish too. 2600 E. Tudor Rd., 561-6611. Tues.-Sun., 11 a.m.-10 p.m.; closed Mon.

PANDA– A huge menu of authentic Mandarin, Cantonese and Szechwan cuisine. Lunch and dinner specials and free delivery. Try one of their fourteen soups or munch on an order of Fried Curry Wings. 605 E. Northern Lights blvd., 272-3308. Mon.-Sat. 11 a.m.-midnight; Sun. 11 a.m.-10 p.m.

imPErial PalacE– Under new ownership. Best Chinese Chef in town. Delicious Chinese cuisine served fresh and fast. Customers say,” We have the Best Mongolian Beef in town!” Dine in or take out. Delivery available with a $17 minimum order. Phone 274-9167 400 Sitka St. Anchorage, AK 99501 Hours: Mon thru Thu 11 a.m.–10 p.m.; Fri 11 a.m.-11 p.m.; Sat 12 a.m. - 11p.m.; Closed Sundays

COFFEEHOUSES & BAkERIES

iNdigo tEa louNgE– Offering a wide variety of loose leaf teas to enjoy in our cafe, on the go or in your own home. Also providing a full espresso bar, baked goods, soups and free wi-fi. 221 E. 5th Ave. 222-1619. Open 7 days a week. Mon.-Wed. 9 a.m.-6 p.m., Thu.-Fri. 9 a.m. to 7 p.m., Sat.-Sun. 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. grEat HarVEst brEad com-PANy– Famous for their whole grain bread, free slices, enormous cookies, cinnamon rolls, and muffins. Bread varieties change daily and range from Honey Whole Wheat to Wholegrain Rustic to High Five Fiber. Great Harvest Bread Company also offers sandwiches on their fresh bread. Located at 570 E. Benson Blvd 274-3331. Open Mon.-Sat., 7 a.m.-6 p.m.; Sandwiches available Mon.-Sat., 10 a.m.-3:00 p.m.

SuPErSTAr PASTry DESiGN– Corner of Benson & Minnesota 336-STAR(7827). Fabulous scratch-made designer cakes, pastries and brownies, along with a fantastic cup-cake bar. Drive thru espresso window open 6 a.m.-6 p.m. Order early for specialty and wedding cakes.

FINE DINING

club Paris– Housed in one of downtown’s oldest buildings, this is old-school fine dining all the way. Try the four-inch-thick filet mignon or the special filet mignon burger for lunch. 417 W. 5th Ave., 277-6332. Mon.-Sat., 11:30 a.m.-2:30 p.m. Sun.-Thurs., 5-10 p.m.; Fri. and Sat., 5-11 p.m.

HautE QuartEr grill–A dinner menu that features tons of seafood, including Alaska favorites and Ahi tuna, plus other American cuisine. They’ve even got some meals espe-cially for the kids that are easy on the wallet. Hours: Dinner, 5-9 p.m. 11221 Old Glenn Hwy., Eagle River 622-4745, www.hautequartergrill.com

JENs’ rEstauraNt– The ever-changing dinner menu features unique soups, salads and appetizers, plus classic Danish dishes and American favorites. The lunch menu also has a good mix, offering veal and pork meatballs with red cabbage or Copper River king salmon, among others. 701 W. 36th Ave., 561-5367, Mon., 11:30 a.m.-2 p.m.; Tues.-Sat.,

11:30 a.m.-midnight.

kiNcaid grill– Offering dishes such as Kodiak scallops Nicoise, Alaskan seafood cioppino, roasted duck breast and pork chops, steaks and more. Or for a lighter fare, sample the gorgonzola fondue, forest mushroom soup or beet salad. Clas-sic desserts and wines will top things off. 6700 Jewel Lake Rd., 243-0507. Tues.-Sat., 5-10 p.m.

kiNlEy’s rEstauraNt aNd bar– Casual fine dining at its best! The eclectic lunch and dinner menus are similar, with sandwiches offered mid-day only and entrees scaled up in the evenings. Sample their bacon wrapped dates, calamari steak, lob-ster ravioli, or almond crusted halibut. Draught beers and great wine. 3230 Seward Hwy, 644-8953. Hours: Dinner Mon-Sat 5-10p, Lunch Tues-Fri 11:30a-5p. Closed Sun.

OrSO– “the place to be” - Happy Hour daily from 3 PM to 6 PM and 9 PM to close in the bar at ORSO - featuring half priced appetizers, beer, wine and outstanding specialty cocktails. Enjoy our new lunch, bar and dinner menus featuring our wonderful flatbreads and a wide selection of “from our waters”. Don’t forget about our weekend brunch from 11am to 3pm with favorites such as Blueberry Stuffed French Toast or our take on the Classic Eggs Benedict (we use crab cakes instead of English muffins). 222-3232 or orsoalaska.com - Lunch M-F 11:30 AM - 5:00 PM Weekend Brunch 11am - 3 PM - Dinner Sun-Thurs 5 PM - 9:30 PM, Friday & Saturday 5 PM - 11 PM.

PiZZa olymPiaFor homemade Greek and Italian dinners, subs, gyros, mouthwatering Greek salads, plus much more.All sauces, dressings and pizza dough made fresh daily form their own Greek family recipes. For deliv-eries call 561-5264. Open 11a.m.-11p.m. Mon. thru Fri. 3p.m. -11p.m. Sat. Closed Sunday. 2809 Spenard Rd. Across from REI.

sack’s caFé- Upscale, chic with a sophisticated menu that is sure to delight. Fabulous tomato/gorgonzola cheese soup and mouthwatering gourmet desserts. Perfect for any occasion. 328 G Street 274-4022. Lunch Mon-Thurs 11-2:30p, Dinner Sun - Thurs 5-9:30pm, Fri & Sat 5-10pm, Brunch Sat 11a-3p, Sun 10a-3p.

Villa NoVa– A laid-back, high-end, mostly European but specifically Italian restaurant. Very popular and busy, but with solid, friendly service. Pastas, chicken, beef, seafood & vegetarian dishes. Extensive wine list, hand-crafted desserts. 5121 Arctic Blvd., 561-1660. Tues.-Sat., 5-10 p.m.-ish.

ITALIAN

littlE italy– Lots of appetizers await you including Calamarakia Sto Tigani (baby squid in olive oil) and shrimp & scallopes with fresh spinach. Palate cleanser-sized salads with homemade dressings the Italian-Greek influence prevades this great restaurant. 2300 E. 88th Ave., 561-0424. 11 a.m.-9 p.m.

romaNo’s– Upscale atmosphere with a full Italian menu. Top-notch service, fancy décor, and fresh food. 2415 C St., 276-0888. Sun.-Thurs., 4-10 p.m.; Fri. and Sat., 4-11 p.m.

JAPANESE

DAMi– Come dine with us at the most popular sushi bar in town for the newest fusion rolls and specials

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of the day. We take pride in serving the best and freshest ingredients for our entire menu. Don’t let the competition fool you; we are the true sushi restaurant located in the heart of downtown. Take out and catering available. 605 E. 5th Ave, 274-5211. Mon.-Thurs. 11 a.m.-10 p.m., Fri. 11 a.m.-11 p.m., Sat. 12 p.m.-11 p.m., Sun. 12 p.m.-10 p.m.

DiSH SuSHi bAr– A contemporary and upbeat spin on the classic sushi bar and Japanese restaurant. Our sushi is served immediately from the sushi bar to ensure quality and fresh-ness. Our menu also presents some of the most creative Asian inspired dishes by the most talented chefs in Alaska. Our sake house menu features infused sake cocktails, imported sakes from Japan, wines, imported and locally brewed beers. Delicious desserts such as Oreo Tempura and Banana Spring Rolls to complete your meal. Great atmo-sphere for any occasion. Voted best Sushi and Japanese in Press Picks 2009 and ADN “Best of Alaska” Platinum Award for Best Sushi! 639 W. International Airport Rd. (907) 562-1275 www.dishsushibar.com.

HAru SuSHi– A new addition to Anchorage, Haru welcomes you in like an old friend! Sushi made to order in the old Pizza Hut location on Dimond, monthly cash drawing to reward their loyal customers 729 E. Dimond 522-4444

Jimmy’s susHi– One of Anchor-age’s newest, convenient little spots to pick up a roll or stop in for a sit-down dinner. Hours: Mon.-Thurs., 11 a.m.-10 p.m.; Fri., 11 a.m.-11 p.m.; Sat., noon-11 p.m.; Sun., 1-10 p.m. 301 E. Dimond Blvd., 344-0888

kANSHA JAPANESE rESTAurANT– Bright, clean and offering all the standard Japanese fare – noodles, mixed grill, tempura, bento, sushi and sashimi. 209 E. Dimond Blvd., 272-8888 Mon.-Sat., 11 a.m.-3 p.m. & 4-10 p.m.

silk susHi bar — A chic res-taurant offering a variety of cuisine. Come experience new flavors of Japanese, Korean, Thai, Chinese and Classic American dishes. Silk also offers a variety of wines, beers, ciders and sake to compliment your dish. Come Savor the Flavors at Silk. 907 274 5236 500 E Benson Blvd. Ste 114, www.silkak.com

SuSHi GArDEN– Boasting amaz-ing ambiance and a comfortable atmosphere, Sushi Garden offers modern and traditional Asian cuisine, balanced with wine and spirits that defines culinary excellence. Serving Anchorage for over 14 years, our entire restaurant can be reserved to host your next company party or special event. Great place, Awesome food! Open Daily 11 a.m. – 11 p.m. 1120 E. Huffman Rd. (907) 345-4686 www.sushigardenak.com

TEMPurA kiTCHEN- Korean, Japa-nese and Sushi. They have authentic Korean BBQ tables and many sushi combinations. Their food is naturally healthy. Open Lunch and dinner 7

days a week 3826 Spenard Road 646-1174

MEDITERRANEAN

aNtoNios’ grEEk bakEry aNd CAFÉ– Located at 3020 Minnesota (in Choi Plaza), Antonios has the best real Greek food in Alaska according to many customers, plus a plethora of just-baked Greek des-serts like baklava, galaktoboureko, and various Greek cookies. Fresh bread is served with most entrées, Arni Fricassee (lamb and greens) is a specialty, as is moussaka, spanako-pita and kid-friendly pastisio. A full menu of Greek food available. 646-1090. M-Sat 11-9, Sun 1-7.

THE GrEEk COrNEr– has moved to 201 E. Northern Lights. They still offer a comfortable atmosphere, but now they can accommodate larger groups . Same friendly waiters serving authentic Greek and Italian food, lamb and vegetarian dishes. Beer and wine 276-2820 Mon-Fri 11 a.m.-10 p.m., Sat noon-10 p.m., Sun 4-10 p.m. www.thegreekcornerak

MEXICAN

carlos FiNE mExicaN Food– Try authentic Mexican fare in this cozy, warm restaurant with a full bar. Take out is also available. 11401 Old Seward Hwy., 349-4112 Mon-Sat 11 a.m.-10 p.m.; Sun 4-10 p.m.

casa dEl sol– Featuring all homemade dishes and sauces made from fresh ingredients inspired by the southwest. Seafood Ceviche and our “wet” burritos piled high with the extras. Carry out available. Gird-wood, in the Girdwood Town Square 783-0088

ErNEsto’s grill– Lunch and din-ner boast homemade recipes from Ernesto like the warm fajita salad or the ranchero plate. Served with pride, this neighborhood diner will delight you. 5121 Arctic Blvd 375-9161 11:00am - till about 9pm, they will serve late if the crowd is there.

la cabaNa– “BIENVENIDOS” This is your house. In the spirit of hospitality we welcome you to La Cabana, in a atmosphere reflecting all the color of Mexico. Buen Apetito! Hours: Sun., -Thurs., 11 a.m.-10:30 p.m.; Fri., 11 a.m.-11 p.m.; Sat., noon-11 p.m. 312 E. 4th Ave., 272-0135 www.alaskalacabana.com

la mEx– One of Anchorage’s favorites, offering consistently good Mexican food with a few originals of their own in an elegant atmosphere. Two locations: 2550 Spenard Rd., 274-7511, 8330 King St., 344-6399. Mon.-Thurs., 11 a.m.-10 p.m.; Fri., 11 a.m.-10:30 p.m.; Sat. and Sun., noon-10:30 p.m.

sErraNo’s mExicaN grill— Cozy neighborhood atmosphere, Serrano’s offers fresh grilled meats and delicious house entrees that are made with your health in mind. For a treat, the fried ice cream is divine. They deliver and can accommodate large groups for catering. Prices will

make you smile as well. Open 7 days a week. 640 W. 36th Ave 744-1555.

OTHER ETHNIC

El taNgo– South American, Latin and Carribean cuisine featuring a wide-ranging, 50-dish menu. Everything from traditional Puerto Rican roasted pork to paellas and salt cod stew, to more beef than you can shake a pig at. There’s also a full bar with an extensive wine list, too. 4300 Old Seward Hwy., Suite D1, 770-2888, Mon.-Thurs., 11 a.m.-2:30, 5-10 p.m.; Fri., 11 a.m.-10 p.m.; Sat. and Sun. 1-10 p.m.

NamastE sHaNgri-la– 2446 E. Tudor 569-3000. Mon-Thurs 11 a.m.-2:30 p.m., 5-8:30pm, Fri-Sat 5-9:30p. Healthy meals, large amount of vegan choices. Recipes from Burma, Nepal, India and Tibet. Quick and healthy box lunches for those in a hurry.

yak & yEti HimalayaN rEstau-rANT– 3301 Spenard Rd. Mon-Fri 11 a.m.-2:30 p.m., Thurs-Sat 5pm-8:30pm. 743-8078 Cozy atmosphere featuring dishes from In-dia, Nepal and Tibet. Family owned and operated

PIZZA

COAST PiZZA AND SubS– A Gird-wood tradition and tourist favorite, Coast offers freshly made pizza and subs in a little corner of the station at the Alyeska and Seward Highway intersection. Mile 90 Seward Hwy., Girdwood, 783-0122 Sun.-Thurs., 11 a.m.-10 p.m.; Fri.-Sat., 11 a.m.-11 p.m.

moosE’s tootH– Get your chipotle steak or ranch chicken pizza to go or enjoy one in the casual dining area. They’ve got your usual toppings too, but these still aren’t your usual pizzas. Top ’em off with the Moose’s Tooth Brewery’s delicious brew. 3300 Old Seward Hwy.

DININGGUIDE>>

Liquor License Transfer Notice

Nura Abdul-Halim, d/b/a Office Cocktail Lounge located at 545 E Northern Lights Blvd, Anchorage, AK 99503 is applying for transfer of a beverage dispensary license (AS 04.11.090) liquor license to KDAJ Investment Group, Inc d/b/a Office Cocktail Lounge.Interested persons should submit written comment to their local governing body, the applicant and to the Alcoholic Beverage Control Board at 5848 E Tudor Rd, Anchorage, AK 99507.

Modern Japanese Cuisine

8901 Jewel Lake Rd929-3442 • fax: 929-3993

Friendly Staff • Delicious Cuisine www.RonnieSushi.com

Now Open: RONNIE 2 Second Location in Muldoon!924 Muldoon Rd (A-frame building) • 338-0001 • fax 338-0002

Party Trays

Available

Family RestaurantSince 1968

OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK, 24 HOURS A DAY!Breakfast ServedAll Day!

279.6162 • C STREET & FIREWEED • 2420 C ST., ANCHORAGE

We have children, seniors& military prices!

2 LOCATIONS!10950 O’Malley #C

Old Seward & O’Malley277-3773

3701 SpenardBetween 36th. & Minnesota

562-3773

CHEESE, SALAMI AND MORE!

Stop by for lunch!

SUNDAY 11AM3PM

Coffee Land

Liquor License New Application

Notice

Anchorage Shrine Club, Incorporated is making application for a new Club AS 04.11.110 liquor license, d/b/a Anchorage Shrine Club located at 1930 E Northern Lights, Anchorage, AK 99508.Interested persons should submit written comment to their local governing body, the applicant, and to the Alcoholic Beverage Control Board at 5848 E Tudor Rd, Anchorage, AK 99507.

Korean BBQ Sushi&Table Top

Dining

TempuraKitchen

646.11743826 Spenard Rd.

www.tempurakitchen.com

TOFU SOUP

BULGOGI

SUSHI


Book smartsThis year’s Anchorage Press hotties were photographed in the Ann Stevens Room, a space graciously donated by the Loussac Library. The Municipality and the Anchorage Public Library are currently preparing to renovate the Loussac, and will present a Master Plan to the community this spring. The plan was created by architects, designers, technology and library experts, and the thoughtful and creative input of thousands of residents. For more on the library’s new look, visit www.LoussacFuture.org.

Kima Hamilton

THe PoeT

Kima Hamilton is a cool guy. How else could you describe a passionate youth literacy advocate who moonlights as a DJ at adult entertainment venues and somehow pulls the dichotomy off with grace and common sense?

The devoted father of three latched onto poetry in what he calls “the golden age of hip hop” in college, and he quickly found his comfort zone within the slam poetry culture. These days, he mentors teens through Brave New Alaskan Voices (BNAV), an Alaska chapter of the national slam poetry non-profit that promotes youth intellectual and artistic self-development. He’s also been recruited by the State Department as something of a hip hop ambassador in a project called Global Block Foundation and the GRO America Initiative, which both serve to unite and give voice to marginalized and under-represented groups in places like Nepal, Columbia and Mexico. Through these projects he’s working around the world and in Alaska, all while sharing his love of hip hop and music with an entirely new youth culture.

Lyndsey Kleppin

THe ScienTiST

Lyndsey Kleppin is a scientist, a geologist to be exact. When she’s not working in Anchor-age, she’s out doing remote field work in rural Alaska, and when she’s not there, she works with Doctors Without Borders. When she’s not doing that, she’s being the the goofiest, most hilarious chick in the room (actually, there’s some cross over—we’re pretty sure she’s hilarious in the field as well).

Lyndsey cracks wise about herself pretty much constantly (she has an extended joke about geological “drilling” that’s not exactly appropriate for the paper), but what she does is some serious stuff. In the summer she spends three months on St. Lawrence Island, mak-ing sure military waste doesn’t contaminate water and food supplies for the people there, who rely on subsistence harvesting to live. Last year, she started working with Doctors Without Borders and spent six weeks in Chad (central Africa) helping to run a vaccina-tion campaign for 209,000 rural residents. She’s on call for another assignment now.

It’s a line of work that recalls her experience in high school, when she spent years volun-teering in the Providence Hospital ER. Even at that age she was drawn to help people in extreme situations. “It was really interesting to me to feel really useful and give people blanket and chat with them… it was a world I’d never been exposed to.”

Occupation: Radio programmer for 106.1 KONR at Out North, DJ at Crazy Horse and Fantasies on Fifth.

Avocation: Youth literacy outreach through poetry and hip hop via Brave New Alaskan Voices and Global Block Project.

Sign: Scorpio

Chinese zodiac: Snake

Proudest moment: Becoming a father.

Most embarrassing moment: Missed an easy dunk against a rival high school basketball team. This one is still vibrating, 20 years later.

Favorite item of clothing: Bow ties

What are your passions in life?: Fixing things. It’s really easy to look at what needs to be fixed, but it’s a whole other

thing to see something that needs to be done and just do it.

What is the biggest challenge you’ve overcome?: The strain saving the world puts on your personal life.

Who inspires you?: My mother. There’s times I draw from her resilience, I’ve been so inspired by the things I’ve seen her grind through with a smile.

What do you consider a perfect date?: Home cooked meal, Scrabble and a movie.

Favorite romantic song?: “All I Need,” by Mary J. Blige and Method Man

Occupation: Geologist with Bristol Environmental Remediation Services, logistician for Doctors Without Borders

Sign: Taurus

Chinese zodiac: Dog, “the loyal one”

Hobbies: Indoor soccer, cooking, backcountry skiing and skate skiing

Eyes: Blue

Elementary school mascot: Huffman Huskies (“that’s about as relevant as an astrological sign, I think.”)

Favorite food: Noodles. All kinds.

Favorite item of clothing: I have a pair of insulated Carhartt bibs I’ve grown to love because I associate them with the sensation of “not freezing.”

Ideal date: I like awkward, something that’s slightly outside the comfort zone, but not in a scary way.

Ideal person to date: Someone irreverent, clever… I like if they’re more ill-kempt than I am. I don’t want to be the gross one.


A t the Anchorage Press, we have high standards. We are also familiar enough with this town to know there are some truly exceptional human beings out there—guys and gals who are funny, kind, ac-

complished and, moreover, easy on the eyes. Since Valentine’s is all about sharing the love, here are some locals we

have major crushes on.

- By Daniella Cortez, Rachel Drinkard and Victoria Barber

Photos by Kerry Tasker

John norris

THe Funny Man

What a cut up, that John Norris. He walks into a room and instantly the wise cracks start. But ladies love a man who can make them laugh and Norris’s smart mouth definitely works to his advantage. He cuts quite an impressive figure when he shows up in a button down and suit jacket as well, though even a fancy photo shoot won’t get him to don any-thing but a pair of jeans.

Norris’s ease at breaking the ice comes from his background in filmmaking and stand-up comedy. He owns From Scratch Productions, a video production company that Norris uses to produce short films and promotional videos. He’s also the man behind the 48 Film Challenge, which is a competition for local short filmmakers. He got a ringing endorse-ment in his Hottie’s nomination as well: “He is intelligent, informed, and is the first to lend a helping hand. One can’t help but love him and admire his tenacity. At the very least, he guarantees laughs,” his nominator remarked. We couldn’t have said it better ourselves.

Victoria cortez

THe adVocaTe

It’s the sly grin that pulls you in, followed by her infectious laugh. Not the combination you’d expect from a single mom and victim advocate, but Victoria Cortez manages to wear her many hats with grace and more than a fair dose of humor.

As the direct services manager at the non-profit Standing Together Against Rape, Cortez (no relation to the Press’s own Daniella Cortez) oversees the team of advocates who help victims of sexual assault and their families. While studying criminal justice, she became interested in volunteering at STAR and started by answering calls on the crisis line. Now working full time and still attending classes, she likes to unwind from such tough work by practicing both yoga and a finely honed sense of sarcasm.

Like most people with her brand of big personality, she talks with her hands so if you get her going about something she’s passionate about — watch out, her hands and elbows are all over the place.

Occupation: Video producer

Avocation: Comedy and film. Can I have two?

Sign: Aquarius

Chinese zodiac: “I believe I’m an ox. It means I’m wise. I eat a lot of Chinese food.”

Eyes: Hazel

John’s idea of a great date: Something simple. Dinner and a movie, then maybe go and commit a small crime. Steal a car? Something to connect with the person, if we both have a little jail time under our belt that’s nice.

Favorite romantic movie: “Before Sunset or Notorious. Not the Notorious B.I.G. one, the one about Nazis. Sweet Home Alabama! Oh man, now I’m torn. Definitely Sweet Home Alabama.

Favorite joke: “My favorite joke is super long, but my second favorite is ‘how many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb. Two, but I don’t know how they got in there.’

Favorite food: I’ll just say nachos and then I’m done. Anyone who follows me on Instagram knows my favorite food is nachos.

Favorite color: I guess green. It kind of depends. Depends on my mood.

Item of clothing: I have an orange vest I’ve been rocking a lot. I also have a lot of old ratty hoodies that I’ll wear until they disintegrate. Or I start dressing like a grown up. Whichever happens first.

Most embarrassing moment: So many to choose from. I guess pretty much all of high school. The whole thing.

Biggest inspiration: I am inspired by all of my extremely talented friends. By inspired by I mean insanely jealous of and will do anything to be better than them.

Occupation: Direct services manager/victim advocate at STAR

Sign: Libra

Chinese zodiac: What? Am I supposed to know that?

Eyes: Brown

Hobby: I like to work out. Yoga, I’ve been super into yoga lately.

Victoria’s ideal date: Dinner and dancing.

Favorite romantic movie: The Notebook, I love that movie.

Favorite joke: Oh my goodness. Seriously? I don’t know.

Food: Spicy sushi.

Item of clothing: Jeans

Most embarrassing moment: I was playing basketball and I scored on the wrong basket. I wasn’t paying attention.

Biggest inspiration: My kid.


Solveig Pedersen

THe ProFeSSor

Solveig Pedersen is a ray of human sunshine. She is one of those people that you just want to spend more time around. She’s a hugger too, and a good one at that. She’s enthusiastic about whatever makes other people happy and wants to cultivate that happiness in any way she can. She is a vivacious, curvy blond, with Norwegian heritage and fluency in the Spanish language. She is, in a word, a catch.

Pedersen recently left her job as the youth empowerment director at the YWCA to pursue teaching at the University of Alaska Anchorage full time and starting her own life-coaching business. She says she wants to work with creative people — artists, writers and musicians especially — to help them succeed and to contribute to the community at large. She believes in doing the most good, every day. So let’s recap: she’s smart, kind, and super adorable. Definitely a hottie in our book.

Maligiaq Padilla

THe reViVaLiST

Maligiaq Padilla is a soft-spoken man with and open face and a gentle demeanor. He is also “perhaps the greatest sea kayaker in the world” according to a 2011 article by Canoe and Kayak Magazine. Maligiaq doesn’t just paddle the kayaks, he makes them—hundreds of them.

Maligiaq grew up in Sisimiut, Greenland, where his grandfather taught him Inuit traditions of hunting and kayaking. One year Maligiaq decided to build a kayak of his own. “It wasn’t super nice or anything, I was only 12,” he says. “I just wanted one of my own, that was no one else’s.”

Today, Maligiaq has won multiple championships at the Greenland National Kayaking competition. But while he is something of a sports celebrity in the world of kayak, he doesn’t consider himself competitive. (“It just happened that I won, because I liked what I was doing,” he demurs). Maligiaq’s passion is to help revive traditional kayak skills—some-thing that has all but disappeared in Alaska. He recently led kayak-building workshops in Kotzebue and Koyuk, and one at APU in Anchorage (another is planned at the college for this year, and in Barrow, Nome and other communities). His hope is that he can go into the school districts and start kayak clubs, like the ones that sprang up in Greenland 30 years ago.

“I want to see a revitalization of what’s been lost. That not only will [the kayaks] be in a museum. I’d rather see them on the water, being used.”

Occupation: Framing and finish carpenter

Avocation: Kayaking, kayak building and teaching traditional skills.

Sign: Aquarius

Eyes: Brown

Favorite foods: Caribou and seal meat

What’s your inspiration: I like to get know a lot of things from elders. Hopefully I can learn and teach things to the younger generation… That’s how things are not going to be lost.

What else do you enjoy?: My family here is number one… We [Maligiaq, his wife and young daughter] like to stay away from town and be in nature and the wilderness.

What’s your big goal?: In 15 years I’d like all these schools to have kayak clubs, and have events based on traditional races, Iditarod style.

dan nelson, Jr.

THe diVa

Dan Nelson, Jr. is equally flawless dressed as a man as he is as his alter ego Deja Nouveau, an outrageous and fierce Gaga-esque drag queen. He’s a sharp dresser, be it slacks and a skinny tie or fishnets and stilettos. We don’t even need to tell you about his stunning cheekbones or perfect pouty lips either, just look at him.

Dan’s style is undeniable, and he’s whip smart and sassy as well. His day job working with home loans keeps the bills paid but performing as Deja with the Friday Night Divas at Mad Myrna’s is his real passion (the cheeky personality he works on stage is present in his everyday demeanor as well). When he’s not performing he’s practicing, planning dance numbers and putting together new outfits. Dan and Deja have both done some modeling work as well — you may recognize Deja from a recent cover of the Anchorage Press. Dan is a man who has his bases covered. He knows what he wants out of life and goes and gets it.

Occupation: Home mortgage servicing and part time drag queen

Avocation: Drag, definitely.

Sign: Aries

Chinese zodiac: I’m pretty sure I’m a horse? Pretty sure.

Eyes: Blue

Dan’s idea of a great date: Something outside. If you feed me, and we do something outside. We’re good.

Favorite romantic movie: I don’t really like romantic movies. I like

movies that are anti-romantic. I like the movie Closer. Everyone just cheats on each other and it’s a big mess.

Favorite joke: I don’t think I have one. Organized religion?

Favorite food: Pho

Item of clothing: Black skinny jeans. I wear that s--- all the time.

Most embarrassing moment: I’m just flawless, so nothing.

Biggest inspiration: RuPaul.

Occupation: Life coach and professor of communication UAA.

Sign: Cancer

Chinese zodiac: I don’t know. I should know. Maybe a goat?

Eyes: Green

Hobby/passion: Seeking to create a more peaceful and loving world.

Solveig’s ideal date: Good food and connected conversation, with somebody really rad.

Favorite romantic movie: Does Love Actually count? It’s predictable. Bridget Jones Diary is my absolute favorite. Basically any sort of romantic comedy.

Favorite joke: I don’t have a favorite joke. I’m not funny. I prefer to tell humorous stories.

Favorite food: I love food in general. Raspberries. Asparagus. I think scallops are sensual.

Favorite item of clothing: Scarves

Most embarrassing moment: Getting my hair stuck in a typewriter.

Biggest inspiration: People who are committed to creating positive change in the world, on both grand levels like Mother Teresa and on the everyday level — people who are active in their communities and intentionally kind.


chelsey Homan

THe adrenaLine JunKy

Chelsey Homan might fool you with her button-down business professionalism at first, but this lady has a trick or two up her sleeve. She started her first business selling gourmet dog treats, Doggie Decadents, in 2007 when she was just a teenager. These days, she Skypes clients halfway around the world to talk about social media management in her role as VP of client relations for SimplySocial.

Those things alone would make her pretty cool, but then she decided to join up as a volun-teer fire fighter with the Chugiak Fire Department. She says the adrenaline she doesn’t get from her desk job she gets while on duty with the fire department. And if putting out actual fires doesn’t get her blood pumping, she’s added racing in Mini Cooper rallies and a brand new Harley Davidson motorcycle to the mix as well. Saying she’s an adrenaline junkie is a bit of an understatement, but she is definitely a woman down for just about any adventure.

Blaze Bell

THe cHanTeuSe

If you frequent the classier nightclubs of Anchorage, you may have seen Blaze Bell, the glamorous singer with the smoky-sounding voice that is one half of Blaze and Eric.

The petite vocalist, who has a background in theater and dance, is the picture of poise and sophistication, which makes her backstory all the more impressive. Like many of the great female blues singers, Bell has had a generous portion of hardship. When she was 19 years old, just be-fore her first performance with a band, she was sexually assaulted by a masked home invader. After her attack, she says, she struggled with self-destructive behaviors, becom-ing addicted to drugs and alcohol and developing an eating disorder.

It took years, but she was able to overcome the trauma and make a healthy and happy life for herself. It’s a story she shares, she says, because she wants people to know that it’s possible to get past trauma and addiction and live a life of recovery.

Today, her life looks much different than before—she per-forms around Anchorage, blogs about healthy living, and is raising her two young children, Jazz and Lyric, with her “awesome” husband bandmate Eric Redding, “just one of the talented and intelligent guys I’ve ever met,” she says. The two have an album coming out this spring.

“These last couple years have been really good, and it just keeps getting better,” Blaze says.

Jonathon Lack

THe MagiSTraTe

Judges have a certain image: critical, somber, and, well—judgmental. And while Jonathon Lack might be all those things on the bench, you’d hardly know it if you met him in his off hours. A tall, smartly dressed man with a wicked and uproari-ous sense of humor, Jonathon has practiced law for over a decade and is currently one of Alaska’s 11 magistrate judges (a kind a deputy judge of the superior court).

Jonathon’s work involves some of the most vulnerable Alaskans: children. He pre-sides over everything from cases of juvenile delinquency, to domestic abuse, to the placement of children into foster care. It’s a line of work that hints at his more sensitive side; in addition to being a judge, Jonathon keeps busy with plenty of volunteer work and, in his off hours, writes poetry (Jonathon is a winner of the Anchorage Press’s 2010 haiku contest and 2011 short fiction contest). Being a judge can be lonely—you usually can’t talk about your work, only a few people can re-late—and expressing himself in poetry is “a kind of a release,” Jonathan says.

It’s a bit different from his childhood dream of becoming a politician, but “I really enjoy what I’m doing. I think I’m really making a difference on the bench.”

Occupation: Magistrate judge

Sign: Aires

Chinese zodiac: Dog

Eyes: Brown

Ideal date: A date always has to include good food.

Ideal person to date: Someone who’s going to challenge me to do new things that I haven’t done before.

Favorite romantic movie: I love Love Actually.

Favorite item of clothing: My Old Navy Superman T-shirt is getting lots of time in the rotation right now.

Favorite part of being a magistrate: Adoptions. “Particularly kids who have been in really bad situations and in the foster care system a long time, and then someone finally says—I know everything about you, and I love you and want you to be my child. It’s a really wonderful, remarkable thing.”

If he wasn’t a magistrate: I think I’d be a flight attendant or something, I love to travel. Or if I could be the poet laureate of the United States I think that’d be a cool job too.

Occupation: Singer, dancer and actress.

Avocation: Dance. One of my favorite parts of a gig is that I can dance around for four hours.

Sign: Sagittarius

Chinese zodiac: Dog

Eyes: Brown

Ideal date: It would definitely include an amusement park. I love pretty much anything an eight-year-old loves—rides and cotton candy and just laughing and acting like a kid.

Favorite romantic movie: I’ve watched Fight Club on dates quite a few times… [laughs]. Maybe it’s the topless men, that’s romantic to me.

Favorite song: “Ain’t No Sunshine” (by Bill Withers) is my favorite to perform. I always think of my dad and how far I’ve come in my life. My dad died from the disease of addiction… a big part of my life today is breaking the cycle of addiction in my family.

What inspires Blaze: I’m excited to be the healthiest I’ve ever been. So I’m really inspired by other people who are trying to be the best person they can be.

You can follow Blaze at museblaze.blogspot.com or Blaze and Eric’s band at blazeanderic.com.

Occupation: Vice president of client relations at SimplySocial, volunteer firefighter

Avocation: I love going on Mini Cooper rallies. I also own a Harley so I’ll be switching back and forth between the Harley and the Mini Cooper.

Sign: Cancer

Chinese zodiac: No idea

Eye color: Hazel

What’s a great date?: A movie at home on the couch with a glass of wine.

Favorite romantic movie: Lady and the Tramp

Favorite item of clothing: I love shoes. Not any particular pair of shoes, just shoes.

Most embarrassing moment: I’m not going to tell you that. I couldn’t even tell you, it’s too embarrassing.

Biggest inspiration: Scenery, when I work during the day I move around a lot. I don’t sit at a desk all day. The beauty of my job is that as long as I have my laptop and an internet connection I can work from anywhere. I like to switch it up.


DELIVERED EVERY THURSDAY

A everybody has one. B

Get interesting opinionsand unique pespectives, every Thursday on page 6.


TOP TEN

PERFORMINGARTS>>

STAGE & THEATRE

sordid liVEs — What happens when the matriarch of a white trash family trips over her lover’s wooden legs while having a tryst in a seedy motel room? Find out in this cult favorite. Featuring a pair of feuding sisters, the regulars of a local bar, a sex-crazed therapist, and a drag queen that’s been locked in an insane asylum for 23 years. To top it all off, Sissy just wants to quit smoking. Shows weekly Friday and Saturday, through March 2. Reserve seats by calling 276-9762. (530 E. Fifth Ave.)

scarEd scriPtlEss — Alaska’s premier improv comedy troupe (ir)regularly performing in Anchorage Alaska every second and fourth Sat-urday of the month since May 2000. Live improv has a heightened inten-sity, a voyeuristic glee that comes from watching comedy without a net. A close-contact brand of im-prov, as fast and furious as a video game, with words and movements thrown out in a continuous mix of voices, accents and energetic

motions. This is a special show on Friday, February 15, to raise funds to send the troupe to the State Improv Festival. Show begins at 8 p.m. on Friday, February 15, in the Snow Goose Banquet Room. Tick-ets are $10 and are available online at CenterTix.net or at the door. (717 W. Third Ave.)

HoNk! Jr. — HONK! Jr. is a contemporary retelling of Hans Christian Andersen’s The Ugly Duckling with a charming and whimsical musical score that all are sure to love. The young actors of Alaska Theatre of Youth share this story of inner beauty, self-worth and friendship. Show begins at 7 p.m. on Friday, February 15, in the Sydney Laurence Theatre. Tickets available online at CenterTix.net. (625 Sixth Ave.)

raVEN rEturNs — The Story of the Human Beings is the second performance of the “Jack Dalton: retrospective 1999-2013” series. First premiered at the Alaska Native Heritage Center in October 1999, Raven Returns intertwines stories

within stories creating an epic that covers the entire history of the Yup’ik culture, from the creation legends, through historical facts, to today, and even a little ways into the future, instilling a sense of hope. Showing at Out North Contemporary Art House Thursday, February 14, through Sunday, Feb-ruary 17. Tickets available online at CenterTix.net. (3800 DeBarr Rd.)

sitka summEr music FEstiVal: WiNtEr classics — Presents the Alaska Airlines Winter Classics in Anchorage. Pianists Navah Perlman and Eduard Zilberkant will perform Schubert’s “Fantasy for Four Hand Piano,” and will be joined by cellist Zuill Bailey and violinist Philippe Quint for master-works from Prokofiev, Brahms, and Shostakovich. Events daily begin-ning Friday, February 15, through Sunday, February 17, in APU’s Grant Hall. Single tickets and pack-age rates available at CenterTix.net. (4101 University Dr.)

tHE good loVEliEs — Not your run-of-the-mill “all girl” band, The

Good Lovelies mix folksy effort-lessly with country and jazz tunes. Brimming with optimism and a sunny repertoire of feel-good songs delivered with tightly polished three-part harmonies, The Good Lovelies exchange spirited banter as easily as they swap instruments. Banjo, mandolin, guitar, glocken-spiel, and just a pinch of sass, help deliver upbeat melodies that keep you smiling long after the final notes have faded. Show begins at 7:30 p.m. in the Discovery Theatre, Friday, February 15. Tickets avail-able online at CenterTix.net. (625 Sixth Ave.)

THE WiZArD OF OZ — Alaska Theatre of Youth presents L. Frank Baum’s famous children’s novel come to life on stage. Enjoy the antics of Dorothy, the Cowardly Lion, the Tin Man, the Scarecrow, the Wicked Witch, the munchkins, and more, as they take on their fantastical adventure through Oz. Showing Saturday, February 16, and Friday, February 22, in the Sydney Laurence Theatre. Tickets available online at CenterTix.net.

(625 Sixth Ave.)

clybourNE Park — The house in Clybourne Park (still a segregated neighborhood in the late 1950s) is the very one that the Younger family was set to move into at the end of A Raisin in the Sun. The play’s first act is set in a recently sold middle-class house in Chicago in 1959; the second act takes play in the same house (which has recently resold) in 2009. This play is a wickedly funny and fiercely provocative piece about race, real estate and the volatile values of each. Play runs through March 10, at Cyrano’s Off Center Playhouse. Tickets are $18-20 and are available online at CenterTix.net (413 D St.)

a sHayNa maidEl — A power-ful, moving, and deeply affecting portrait of a family. Set in New York City after World War II, two sisters from different worlds struggle to un-derstand one another. The younger sister, Rose, grew up privileged in America, with their emotionally absent father. Lusia lived a harsh life in Poland, but with the warmth

of their mother to nourish her. Now the sisters must bridge the gap between them, ultimately creating a middle ground upon which the fam-ily can stand. An exploration of hu-man strength and frailty, softened by moments of humor, this play will leave you with a sense of hope. Showing through Sunday, February 17, at Anchorage Community The-atre. (1133 E. 70th Ave.)

OTHER

OPEN ArT NiGHT— Abigail Ray-mundo brings a whole new dimen-sion to “open mic night” with this new, live open art night showcasing all kinds of artistic expression. Josh Olsen and the Eternal Cowboys host musical guests. Audience participation encouraged for live art sculpture. Every Wednesday, 9:30 p.m. to close at the Anchor Pub (712 W. Fourth Ave.)

BY RACHEl DRINkARD

NewSflaSh—Hollywood types can stop making terrible rom-coms about women moving to Alaska to meet men like it’s open season on the hairy, bearded, masculine type. It’s

not that easy to meet Mr. Right. And the fact is that even though stereotypes persist, the gender gap is rapidly closing, especially in the Anchorage area.

That being said, where is a single girl to go to meet a good man? Or, to keep it fair, where can a guy look for nice ladies with-out risking a drunken brawl with some Neanderthal copping an inflated sense of self?

Get thee to the nearest Wi-Fi connection and peruse the Inter-net, my friend. You just might find your answer on the screen of your favorite web-capable device.

Turns out, shopping for a date online is not unlike shopping for shoes online. You can get a good idea of what you might be in for (sans the user reviews).

To help you get the most out of your online dating experience, I offer the following tips:

1. Get your act togetherLook, we’ve all been there—but the truth is that the post-

breakup, puffy-faced sweatpants land of self-loathing is not a good place to write the resume you hope to submit to your fu-ture Prince Charming, CEO of Happily Ever After. The first rule of dating (ALL dating) is “be cool.” Get yourself as put together and dreamy as you expect your future mate to be. Languishing in recently jilted misery, it can be easy to spout off about things you consider must-haves in the man of your dreams. Say you want a confident, successful guy that takes pride in his physique, has zero emotional baggage and enjoys the outdoors. You think he’s really going to dig your Coco Puff binging, couch-lounging, spontaneously weeping sad-sack self? Uh, no. Get your act to-gether, girlfriend. Get a hobby, hang with your friends, get over whatever is keeping you from positively glowing with happiness and self-confidence… and then proceed to the next step.

2. Express yourselfAs cheesy as it sounds, do some soul searching. Think seri-

ously about what you’re looking for in a partner and what you can offer before you let your fingers do the walking on your keyboard. Talk frankly with friends that have known you for a while—especially the ones that have stuck with you through previous relationships—and can be honest about whether your written profile is as accurate and realistic a representation of you as it can possibly be.

3. VogueGet your hair did, have a Cosmo and do a photo shoot. Statis-

tically, outdoor or daytime close-ups of smiling faces (solo, no shots with exes or the wolfpack of girlfriends) get the best re-sponses as your main picture with this type of thing. But feel free to mix it up beyond that. Photos of you doing things you love or (tastefully) showing off your best assets should provide a better picture of who you are and exponentially add to your appeal. In fact, the more good photos the better. Just be sure they accurately represent you and how you appear today. Pictures from 10 years ago are only acceptable if a proper caption accompanies them!

4. Own it.As someone who has used the guise of “research” to delve into

all the sordid subcultures of online dating and human attraction, trust me—there IS someone out there that will like you just the way you are. Really, no matter what sort of anomaly you think could or should be a deal-breaker, there is someone out there actively fetishizing it. You really don’t need to pretend you’re something you’re not to rope someone into wanting to meet you. Love handles? So what. Have kids? That’s cool. Just the other day I actually overheard some dude say, “how do we know if she puts out if she doesn’t have kids?” No joke. Personally, I say keep a wrapper on it, but if you do have kids, welcome to the world of single parent online dating! You’re in great company. And that’s just the beginning. Tall, short, skinny, and fat and all combina-tions thereof—there is a place for you in someone’s fantasy. I’m serious. Just read the Craigslist personals if you don’t believe me.

5. To pay or not to payOk, getting down to the nitty gritty, which sites should you

sign up for? Lucky for you, I’ve done a lot of a legwork. This author has dealt exclusively with online dating sources that of-fer user-friendly, free services. In the last eight months, I have been fairly satisfied with the results from okcupid.com and plentyoffish.com (POF).

OkCupid has a large local following and something of a rep-utation for attracting the smart, witty single set. It also boasts well-developed search resources to help narrow down your op-tions to the most promising matches, as well as a mobile app that can really broaden your sense of spontaneity by enabling you to meet up with other singles whenever they are in your area. (Ignore Crazy Blind Date, a recently added feature that hasn’t caught on enough here in Anchorage to be anything but cheesy.)

POF also has useful and mostly free features and may in fact host an even more expansive catalogue of local singles.

If you’re of the belief that people tend to place more value on things they pay for, there are sites that require users to purchase memberships. Match.com and its sub site, Anchoragesingles.com, are almost useless unless you spring for the subscription, but they both seem to be extremely user-friendly and have good membership numbers.

6. specializeHey, ladies. There are currently 421 men in the Anchorage

area seeking the older woman of their dreams on CougarLife.com. However, it just so happens that there is not a single eli-gible farmer in all of Alaska seeking his soul mate on Farmer-sOnly.com. Aside from that, though, there is literally a niche dating website for any and every type out there. I’m convinced of it. Fancy yourself sailing the seven seas? Seacaptaindate.com might just help you set your sights on a first mate. Want to spend some quality time petting your very own furry? Try pounced.org. Have an inexplicable attraction to the crazy cat lady two doors down? Maybe she’s got a profile on purrsonals.com. And that’s just the beginning. Remember when I said there is some-one, somewhere, that would love you just the way you are? If the conventional avenues fail, try more specialized dating services; there’s diapermates.com, singleswithfoodallergies.com, dating-forhippies.com, stachepassions.com or (my favorite) boohiccup.com for some serious clown love.

7. First contactAlright. You got your shit together, you took some sexy-but-

not-too-sexy pictures and wrote a masterpiece of a profile. You tried a few different websites and found a good match—someone who sounds cool, interesting and looks good to you. Now what? Duh. Send them a message. Don’t be skurred. The worst that can happen is that they write you back and tell you you’re a hideous hag that should die immediately, in which case you roll with laughter, feel sorry for them and move on. More realistically, the worst that will happen is they don’t reply. You’ll live.

Here are some hints on making sure they do reply, though. First, be sure it’s actually a match. You can’t stop talking about how you want to marry the man of your dreams and have five million babies and his profile clearly states that he’s “just looking for a good time”? Move along, I don’t care how chiseled his jaw is or how buff those biceps are in his profile pictures.

When you do find a realistic-sounding good match, close the first contact by actually asking a question pertaining to some-thing in his profile. Be bold and be specific. it’s empowering and will give you a major confidence boost for that first date—one that might just push you on through to a lasting and meaningful relationship.

8. First dateOk, she or he said yes. You’re in. So, call your mom or best

friend or co-worker or whoever and let them know when you’re meeting and who and at what point they should send out a search party if you don’t reappear. Safety first and all that, but it’s also a nice opportunity to blow off some steam and gush. As for the time and place, pick a situation that will afford you ample opportunity to talk and get to know each other with minimal distractions and easy out opportunities should you not get along. Basically, I believe beverages are best. Coffee, beer, cocktails, or tea and crumpets. Whatever floats your boat. Movies are the lamest first date ever—just don’t do it.

9. Don’t be a creepGoing back to “be cool,” take it easy. If you liked her but you

don’t get a call back, feel free to follow up with one bold and sane effort at contact, but don’t blow her phone up with repeated texts or calls. We all know your Internet stalking skills are exception-ally fine tuned, but restrain yourself. Go for a run, re-watch every episode of Firefly, teach yourself charcuterie—whatever it takes to not be a creep. The good ones will call you, or at least call you back.

10. steer clear of the sleazeLike the rest of the World Wide Web, the realm of online dat-

ing is chock full o’ sleaze. Unless you are actively seeking a one-night stand and an STD, adultfriendfinder.com isn’t really what we’re talking about here. Furthermore, chatroullette.com is not likely to land you a viable local date. (Go figure.) Whatsyour-price.com, it turns out, seems to be little more than a handy site for paid escorts to market themselves. Stick to the sites suggested above or something similar. Or go above and beyond and try Christianmingle.com (or one of the countless other religiously type-cast affiliate sites) or eharmoney.com or the POF affiliate focused on marriage-minded singles, evow.com. Why not? Hap-py hunting.

10 commandments of online dating


DOWNTOWN EvENTS

alaska HumaNitiEs Forum — “Art Gone Viral: Exhibit,” is a multidisciplinary art exhibition by established, emerging and under-represented Alaskan artists. The exhibit is the last component of the six-month “Art Gone Viral” project that leveraged Quick Response (QR) codes, social media, and the website www.artgoneviral.com to showcase 25 contemporary Alaska artists. Twenty-two of these participating artists are coming together at the Alaska Humanities Forum for a dynamic group show of painting, sculpture, photography, performance art and spoken word. The show is co-sponsored by Green Bee Studios and is curated by Christina A. Barber in collaboration with Indra Arriaga. (161 E. First Ave. Door 15)

ANCHOrAGE MuSEuM — Ket-chikan artist Stron Softi employs

video, kinetic sculpture and tradi-tional media to explore how people minimize the violence associated with destroying a living being. Stron Softi is the pseudonym adopted by Stephen Paul Jackson, who learned traditional carving techniques from his father, renowned Tlingit carver Nathan Jackson. In 2008, Softi earned the Juror’s Choice Award at the Anchorage Museum’s “All Alaska Juried Art Exhibition,” and in 2009, he had a solo exhibition at the Alaska State Museum, Juneau. (625 C St.)

alaska NatiVE arts FouNda-TiON—Presents “Restoration,” an exhibit and reception featuring Joel Isaak (Athabascan). View his solo exhibit about the exploration between emotion and environment through the manipulation of tradi-tional Dena’ina materials like roots, bark and skins. (500 W. 6th Ave.)

arctic rosE gallEry aNd art CENTEr — “Unconditional Love—A K9 art show.” This is a collection

of canine art in a variety of medi-ums from gallery and community artists. Show benefits Straw for Dogs and Glacier Shakers Flyball Club. (423 W. 5th Ave.) artiQuE ltd.— Featuring jewelry by Lisa McCormick, Rick Potter, Liz Bowen and Kathy Goodell, paint-ings by Deborah Porter and Susan Lindsey, and the 2013 Valentine print by Barbara Lavallee. (314 G St.)

CAkE STuDiO — Presents Robert Thompson and John Hume, two art-ists that reveal their love of aircraft and Alaska historic aviation in their stunningly realistic paintings. (608 W. 4th Ave. Ste. 102)

Fur rONDy SHOP — Presents Rondy collector pin designer Harlan Legare and booster button designer Christina Best. (400 D St.)

iNtErNatioNal gallEry oF CONTEMPOrAry ArT— Presents designs from Object Runway 4 held

January 24 at the Bear Tooth, which merged the worlds of fashion and contemporary art. (427 D St.)

MiDNiGHT SuN CAFÉ — Presents paintings by Rebecca McVittie. (245 W. Fifth Ave. Ste. 106)

sEVigNy studios— Presents “Elaborate Expressions,” the graphite, pen and ink, oils, and scratchboard art of Nathan Perry. Nathan’s work is an enticing mix of impressionism and realism and includes portraiture, wildlife, and spiritual themes. (608 W. 4th Ave. Suite 101)

SNOW CiTy CAFÉ— Presents the copper wire multimedia art of local sculptor, Ben Masters. (1034 W. 4th Ave.)

SNOW GOOSE — Presents work by Alaska Encaustic Artists.

STEPHAN FiNE ArTS — Artist Mark McDermott has preserved a snapshot of local buildings like the

Hotel Captain Cook, the CIRI build-ing, ConocoPhillips and others, as well as what goes on inside those mirrored reflections. You love the land, you love the structures; now see them as one. (939 W. Fifth Ave.)

ZOEZ WINDOW GALLERY — Fea-turing Alaskan carvers from King Island and their works in ivory, stone, and bone. (737 W. Fifth Ave. Ste. 150)

AROUND TOWN

2 FriENds gallEry — Linda Smith, the “Mistress of Chaos,” will be showing her latest beadwork. (341 E. Benson)

alaska PaciFic uNiVErsity gallEriEs— In the Peterson Gallery: Sara Tabbart presents a collection of forest-themed pieces. In the ConocoPhillips Gallery: Ward Hulbert presents “Shallow Pools Where Spirits Dwell.” (4101 University Dr.)

buEll HousE oF HarlEy da-VidsoN—Presents art from local artists Dan Coe, Kevin Harden and Nora Gecan. (4334 Spenard Rd.)

middlE Way caFé— Presents “The Great Big HeART Show” featuring work from 30 local artists. Opening reception Friday, Feb. 8 at 6 p.m. featuring music by Michael Howard and live performance art by Keren Lowell. (1300 W. Northern Lights Blvd.)

modErN dWEllErs — “AKtmo-sphere” contrasts city living against the extreme climate of Alaska through fashion and fine art photog-raphy by Jill Elizabeth Photography. (751 E 36th Ave.)

uaa studENt uNioN gallEry — Presents the Claybody Ceramics Invitational, an exhibit highlight-ing outstanding works by potters and sculptors working in ceramics. Exhibit runs through February 14. (3211 Providence Dr.)

ARTS

ARTSLISTING>>

‘Great Big HeART’ exhibit shows joy, angst, and shades in between BY VICTORIA BARBER

Valentine’S Day attracts a lot of ambivalence, if not downright bitterness. At its worst, no holiday comes across as more crass—as though it were de-signed purely so that corporate America could make a quick buck by cyni-

cally mining the marriage industrial complex and our personal insecurities. At the same time, love—in all its forms—is worth celebrating, regardless of whether Hallmark gets a fat payday on Feb. 15.

Valentine’s Day can be a quandary, and perhaps that’s what makes “The Great Big HeART” show at the Middle Way Café so worthwhile. This is the second show on the theme (the first was at the Upstairs Studio, curated by Erin Osinkowsky and Dallas Wildeve). Curator and artist Enzina Marrari says the strength of the exhibit is that it “doesn’t only address the joyful part of love, but the struggles and the trials.”

Keren Lowell’s piece, “The Heart’s Target” series, features petal-strewn canvas targets, pierced with hundreds of rose-stem arrows. Peter Graziano’s “Permutation / Obsession 1” isolates and repeats a feminine mouth in manner of a Warhol star-let—the effect is coldly erotized and glamorous. From Laura Avellaneda-Cruz’s observation and plea, “Relationships are hard / Help us along,” to Tiger Tasker’s plaintive, “My Heart was set on Snow,” to the dizzying, minute detail of Ted Kim’s ink drawings, the show has as much to say about love as the walls of this large, bustling café will contain. There’s even a delightful, large photograph of a girl with a fish (“Love,” by Don Mohr).

“The fear is that it would be a show of totally traditional Valentine’s hearts… there’s was a potential to be cheesy, or corny, or uninteresting,” Marrari says. In-stead, she says the show drew aesthetically beautiful pieces tackling big concepts.

Marrari is a self-confessed former “anti-Valentine’s Day party” organizer (“I was lonely or taking a stand against commercialism,” she says), but has come around to the holiday.

“I think it’s awesome, and you don’t have to be in a partnered relationship to have an excuse to send love out,” Marrari said.

“I’d have Valentine’s Day be every day.”

Love, and the battlefield

My Heart was set On snow,” by Tiger Tasker (acrylic on wood).

“The sacred Heart,” by Julia stutzer (acrylic on wood).

“Maybe I Will let It Grow Again,” by Amy Devereux (mixed media).

“shadow of love,” by Rosanne klouda (ink blot). “The Heart’s Target” series, by keren’s lowell (inkjet print, archery target, gouache, rose stems).

February 14 - February 20, 2013 21February 14 - February 20, 2013 21

PICKS

Winter Bike Fest presents Filmed by Bike movie shortsMONDAY, FEBRUARY 18The Bicycle Commuters of Anchorage present a collection of shorts curated by the group Filmed by Bike, from Portland, Oregon. Expect humor, adventure, romance, intrigue, quirkiness, all “filmed by bike.” Plus, enjoy gravity bike films by local producer jgsconcepts. Doors open at 6 p.m. Show starts at 6:30 p.m. $10 suggested donation or get in free if you are an existing member, you become a member or renew your membership. Event is held at the BP Exploration Energy Center on Monday, February 18. (1014 Energy Ct.)

FEBRUARY 14 - FEBRUARY 20, 2013

Ride the Winter City Urban Randonnée SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 17This is a rolling fund-raiser for the Bicycle Commuters of Anchorage by the Alaska Randonneurs. Support BCA while experiencing the adventurous style of randonneuring. There are two courses: 30 km or 50 km, both are winter-day rides through the heart of Anchorage on track and trail. Bikers will ride from checkpoint to checkpoint, navigating between food and refreshment stops along the way. See how easy it is to winter bicycle commute in Anchorage. It’s a timed event, but not a race. $20 entry to the event goes to support the Bicycle Commuters of Anchorage. Event begins at 8 a.m. at the New Peanut Farm on Sunday, February 17. (5227 Old Seward Hwy.)

Picture me rollingYou’ve seen them, the hardcore winter cyclists. They’ve got frost on their mustaches and calves that qualify as lethal weapons. While some of us rely on auto start and extra hot lattes to make it through the cold months, these brave citizens are out there battling the elements on two wheels with nothing but their wits and thermal underwear. If you’re interested in how and why they do it, here are a few events that will get you in the know.

Sordid LivesFRIDAY - SATURDAY WEEKLY UNTIL MARCH 2

Mad Myrna’s first production of 2013 is a tale as old as time: infidelity, alcohol, a man who has two wooden legs, the death of a good woman gone wrong and a family torn apart. Oh and there’s an Ama-zonian drag queen in the middle of it all. The play features a pair of feuding sisters, the colorful regulars of a local bar (keep your eyes peeled for Juanita, she proves the adage that there are no small parts), a sex-crazed therapist and, to top it all off, Sissy just wants to quit smoking. Shows weekly Friday and Saturday, through March 2. Reserve seats by calling 276-9762. (530 E. Fifth Ave.)

All the world’s a stageThere’s plenty of great theater in Alaska, from opulent operas staged for large audiences to heart-wrenching family dramas in intimate community theaters. There are also offbeat, out-of-the-way productions that are built for laughs. This week we suggest you check out these two comedies put on by local players.

Scared Scriptless FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 15This Anchorage-based improv troupe is hoping to attend the Alaska State Improv Festival in Juneau in April. They’re hosting a special show this weekend to help raise funds to attend. This show is on Friday, February 15. The show begins at 8 p.m. in the Snow Goose Banquet Room. Tickets are $10 and are available online at CenterTix.net or at the door. (717 W. Third Ave.)

INTERROGATION 22MUSIC 23

DAILY CALENDAR 24OPINION 26

FILM 29PUZZLES 39

NEWS OF THE WEIRD 40ASTROLOGY 41 Noleta (played by Colleen Bailey) is having none of GW’s bull in Sordid Lives. PHOTO BY DENNY WELLS

PHOTO BY MATT ELEY

22 February 14 - February 20, 201322 February 14 - February 20, 2013

MUSIC

Got tickets?

BY JESSI MARENA NELSEN

IT’S A FUTILE CAUSE TO TRY TO REPEAT WHAT WE ONCE HAD. Just like it’s a futile cause to try to manifest this thing that we call the soul. Just like it’s a futile cause for you to try to get a hold of me to get this interview,” Jesus Landin-Torrez III tells me

just seconds into our telephone conversation.I am familiar enough with Jesus Landin-Torrez III and his “art” to know that there would

be no simple answer to any question that I might ask him. I say “art” because Landin-Torrez consistently denies that he creates art and says that he doesn’t consider himself to be an artist.

“Sure, it is art; but it’s just life. I make no distinction between the two,” he says.The Wisconsin-native recently experienced a long stint of calling Alaska home; he received

his bachelor’s in fine arts at the University of Alaska Anchorage and was deeply rooted in the local art community. Work by Landin-Torrez has been featured at the (now-defunct) MTS Gallery and the International Gallery of Contemporary Arts, as well as across the streets of our city. You have likely experienced Landin-Torrez’s art—likely, without knowing it. It could have taken as little as the three words “LOVE. ORDER. STILLNESS.” tagged on a fence post (literally tagged, as in with a paper tag), or when you crossed paths with a man wearing a plastic bubble while lost in the technology of his iPhone in Town Square.

You are also likely to know his art by a name other than his own. His tendency to work under pseudonyms makes it difficult to credit him for previous works. When researching his upcoming performance and exhibition at Out North Contemporary Art House, I found he is

“conducting” it under the name Jsun Charles-Jeremiah Parizo, which he claims to be his real name, “depending on which birth certificate you look at.”

Landin-Torrez is currently attending the California College of the Arts (CCA) in San Fran-cisco and will graduate with a master’s degree in social practice this May. When applying to graduate schools, his difficulty classifying his own work led him to social practice, which he casually describes as “everything and nothing.”

In more words, CCA’s website says that “social practice incorporates art strategies as diverse as urban interventions, utopian proposals, guerrilla architecture, ‘new genre’ public art, social sculpture, project-based community practice, interactive media, service dispersals, and street per-formance.”

With such a description, social practice proved difficult for me to comprehend, and I wondered what his upcoming performance and exhibition in Anchorage would entail. I sought clarity on the subject from Landin-Torrez during a recent telephone interview with him as he was packing his bags in San Francisco for his flight to Alaska.

Anchorage Press: What inspired your pursuit of a master’s in social practice?

Jesus Landin-Torrez III: I needed to get the hell out of Alaska. I had hit my ceiling there at the time. The thing about going to grad school is basically it ends up tearing apart everything you know and you have to figure out how to contextualize your life as an artist so that you can get this f---ing piece of pa-per. Whatever.

I looked at all these grad schools and they all had things like “new genre” or whatever, but the one that

interested me the most was CCA because of the fact that the description it had for social practice had everything and nothing at the same time. It described what it was, but it didn’t describe any-thing.

I went because I didn’t know what the f--- social practice was and I still don’t know what the f--- social practice is. [CCA] is having a symposium, asking the question, “How do you define this thing?”; because it is indefinable. To me that’s the most interesting thing about it.

When I had my interview with CCA, they said they didn’t even know if what I was doing was art, but they liked it. I didn’t show them anything I actually made. I didn’t show them prints, I didn’t show them sculptures, I didn’t show them anything like that. Because to me, that was my therapy. That was just stuff that kept me sane. The other things were actually art because they were something else.

What I’ve come to realize is that it all is everything and I need to make stuff. Coming back up there (to Alaska) to do this is extremely important to me because it’s just a good, old-fashioned art show. I can make something. It revolves around all these ideas, but there will also just be simply things like artifacts.

AP: Will these artifacts be found objects or things you are creating for the show?

JLT: Both. They’re all the same. It doesn’t matter. Like Marcel Duchamp, the artists of the future just point and call something art and that is art.

When I come up there to do what I am doing, I have notions and ideas in my head. These notions and ideas will manifest into something.

AP: Out North is promoting the show under the title “Coda: Requiem for Tempus Perfectum. Opus 11, A Musical Metaphysical Manifestation of the Soul.” What does this show represent?

JLT: The piece is a manifestation of a musical composition in physical form, which is what I feel we are. We are the manifestation of our soul in physical form. I believe we exist in what is called

“perfect time.” I’m using musical terms to describe my theory of existential being. So when we walk and we talk and we do whatever, that’s always perfect time; but we only recall things in imperfect time because it’s always after the moment. We can never, ever, ever be in the moment; to be in the moment is to be unaware.

Perfect time is called 4/4 time. Perfect time is like a waltz, that’s us waltzing around every day. The soul really just exists in perfect time and the soul, just like us, is always in flux. There is no con-crete or permanent soul; just like there is no concrete or permanent self. This is me being outside my body, unfortunately way too often, just thinking and just being in my head and it’s my quest for a requiem for perfect time.

In a song the coda is either the transition between movements or the end. It’s the time when you reflect on the whole song. Basically, at this moment, that is what I’m doing. That is what I am seek-ing: the reflection. To reflect back on everything and realize what that is within that movement and accept that time for what that time was in order to move to the next song.

Interrogation: Jesus Landin-Torrez III

Jesus Landin-Torrez III’s newest work will show at Out North Feb. 15 through Mar. 10.

Coda: Requiem for Tempus Perfectum. Opus 11, A Musical Metaphysical Manifestation of the Soul

Conducted by Jsun Charles-Jeremiah ParizoOpening and performance: 5:30 p.m., Feb. 15Exhibit: Feb. 15-March 10Out North Contemporary Art [email protected]

MACKLEMORE & RYAN LEWIS Friday, March 29Egan Center (555 W. Fifth)

$20 - 35UAATIX

MAT KEARNEY Tuesday, February 26Williamson Auditorium

$15-30UAATix

“The artists of the future just point and call something art and that is art.”

PHOTO BY SARO HINSON

RICKI LEE JONES Sunday, March 24Atwood Concert Hall

$36.50CenterTix

CASH & CLINE Fri. & Sat., February 22-23Discovery Theatre

$25CenterTix

SENSE & SENSABILITY February 22 - March 10UAA Mainstage

$10 - $17CenterTix

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KILLSWITCH ENGAGE Saturday, March 16Egan Center (555 W. Fifth)

$30TicketMaster

February 14 - February 20, 2013 23February 14 - February 20, 2013 23

MUSIC

BY JERI KOPET

KEITH ROBERTS’S CHARMING ACCENT RINGS OUT over the phone when he answers my call on Friday afternoon. “Bear with me,” I warn. “I only just got off of work and through traffic, so I’m a little frazzled.” Roberts laughs heartily

and says he understands. I’m not especially surprised, considering that the Young Dubliners have been steadily touring for nearly 20 years now and are often described as “the hardest working band” in the genre of Celtic rock.

The earliest incarnation of the Young Dubliners surfaced in Los Angeles in 1988, when lead singer Roberts began playing Irish ballads alongside fellow musician Paul O’Toole at a handful of LA bars. Roberts had moved to California from Ireland to pursue journalism, only ever planning on making music as a hobby.

“I graduated from Dublin University, and had all of these ideas of getting into TV journalism… I always played music, I really always thought it would be a sideline back in the day,” says Roberts. Eventually moving from his journalism gig to set dressing, Roberts saved enough money to buy a bar. This was the point where things began really coalescing—Roberts and his band would play every Saturday night and began to get a following.

“It would be fun. An LA vibe, very LA — you had Irish construction workers, hang-ing out with Rosie O’Donnell, George Clooney coming in for the gigs, it was a great few years there,” Roberts says. Eventually, the band was offered a spot on a small lo-cal label’s EP. The band unexpectedly got airplay, and the rest was history. The Young Dubliners were soon offered additional album deals and began touring.

“That was a shocker for me. I had to make a decision at one point. The bar went kaput, I’ve been touring since,” Richards says.

The Celtic rock quintet now consists of guitarist Bob Boulding, percussionist Dave Ingraham, string and keys player Chas Waltz, bassist Brendan Holmes, and Richards. The five have been steadily working their way around the world while pro-ducing records in their (sparse) free time. The Young Dubliners’ latest project will be the first al-bum the band will release independently, which is proving to be an adventure.

“[That’s] the beauty of going it alone. The good is no firm release date, the bad is that you don’t have a firm release date,” says Richards with a laugh. “We’ve been working on this thing for nearly a year! It’s always taken nearly six months or so, we’re very critical of ourselves, we’re into songwrit-ing and getting it right.”

Richards notes that the band releases albums only as often as it is comfortable—sometimes let-ting a year or two pass between projects. The breaks are essential for touring and gathering new songwriting inspiration. “You need some life experience,” says Richards.

One of the most striking aspects of The Young Dubliners is the band’s ability to tackle issues ranging from politics or social issues to a wild night out. The variety of songs, even within a single album, help show the depth of Richards’s songwriting process.

“I have a journalistic mind… most of my songs will be about something else. I don’t really sit here and agonize over my life. I have written some personal things, but for the most part I’m commen-tating,” says Richards. This sort of eclectic writing style, combined with a well-crafted, character-istic Celtic rock swagger, helps to keep old fans entertained while catching new ones. “I definitely can swim on all levels. It’s very much the personality of me and the band, hopefully. I like us to have that light side to us, but I also like people to know that we’re thinkers as well. We’ve been doing this so long, we write with our fans in mind.”

While Richards typically writes the lyrics (with Waltz contributing as well), every member al-ways brings an original piece to the whole product. “Everyone plays an instrument, so everyone brings music to the table. We sort of sift through it, see what is going to work the best,” Richards

says. After touring together for as long as they have, the five members also know what makes the others tick. “Songs improve when they come into the band… [the songwriting process] has become more open.”

Although the newest album is still awaiting the final touches, the band is ready and excited to come up to Alaska, a favorite touring spot. “We’ve been going up for 10 years, but there’s been a big gap. It’s like going abroad,” Richards says, laughing again. Some spots on the band’s future dream tour list are actually abroad—namely Asia and Australia, although enthusiastic Alaskan audiences will tide them over for a good while. “We’ve always had a great reception there, I think bands gravi-tate where they are appreciated and welcomed. We love going up there.”

Rowdy and reflective

The Young Dubliners

10 p.m. Friday-Saturday, Feb. 15-16The Sitzmark in GirdwoodTickets are $20www.AlyeskaResort.com or 754-2275www.youngdubliners.com

The Young Dubliners will play two nights at the Sitzmark in Girdwood, Feb. 15-16.

THURSDAY 02.14THROWBACK THURSDAYS WITH DJ KY. 10 p.m. (Anchor Pub)

SPLENDID CHAOS, DJ JESSE CROSS, DJ ADAM J. (Chilkoot Charlie’s)

RANGER DOUG BLUES BAND. 9 p.m. (Humpy’s)

AGENT OF KARMA. 8 p.m. (S Lounge)

KARAOKE. At 9 P.M. (Whaler Bar & Grill)

PUB SCOUTS. 10 P.M. To 2 A.M. No Cover. (Blue Fox)

JAM NIGHT WITH JULIA DYKSTRA. (La Mex, Dimond)

JAM SESSION (Time Out Lounge)

DON WALKER (Golden Lion Hotel)

THE RICHIE BAND (Flight Deck Bar & Restaurant)

FRIDAY 02.15ENCYCLOPEDIA BROWN. 10 p.m. (Anchor Pub)

BEN BALIVET, BIG FAT BUDDHA. 9 p.m. (Taproot)

REBEL BLUES. 10 p.m. (The Avenue Bar)

BLAZE WITH THE BAND. 9 p.m. (Humpy’s)

H3. (Blues Central)

FRIDAY NIGHT DIVA VARIETY SHOW. 9 p.m. $5. (Mad Myrna’s)

KENNETH JACOBSON. 7 P.M. Free. (Organic Oasis)

SPLENDID CHAOS, DJ JESSE CROSS, DJ ADAM J, DJ GRE. (Chilkoot Charlie’s)

RICK ZELINSKY JAZZ TRIO. 7 p.m. (Sullivan’s Steakhouse)

DJ T-MARTEEN. 10 P.M. To 2 A.M. (The Woodshed)

JULIA DYKSTRA. (La Mex, Dimond)

SATURDAY 02.16EMMA HILL, RYAN GEORGIOFF, MATT HOPPER AND THE ROMAN CANDLES. 9 p.m. (Taproot)

MARC BROWN, THE BLUES CREW. 9 p.m. (Humpy’s)

IRA SELLERS BAND. (Blues Central)

CONSTANT MOUNTAIN HIGH. 10 p.m. (Blue Fox)

ENCYCLOPEDIA BROWN. 10 p.m. (Anchor Pub)

CARIBBEAN SLIM. 8:30 p.m. (McGinley’s Pub)

RICK ZELINSKY JAZZ TRIO. 7 p.m. (Sullivan’s Steakhouse)

SPENDARDI GRAS, SPLENDID CHAOS, OPEN DECKS, OPEN DECKS, DJ ADAM J, DJ GRE. 10 p.m. (Chilkoot Charlie’s)

MISHA SHIMMEK. Noon. (Organic Oasis)

LIVE MUSIC. 9:30 P.M. (Whaler Bar & Grill)

BLAST FROM THE PAST (Time Out Lounge)


LIVE MUSIC. (La Mex, Dimond)

SUNDAY 02.17OPEN MIC WITH RICK BROOKS. 8 p.m. (The Avenue Bar)

3 KISSES, EASYHEAD, DJ JESSE CROSS, DJ GRE. (Chilkoot Char-lie’s)

IRISH SEISUIN. 4 P.M. (Mcginley’s Pub)

DOWN AND DIRTY BLUES JAM. 9 P.M. To 1 A.M. (Tap Root)

BLAZE AND ERIC. 5:30 To 9:30 P.M. (Sullivan’s Steak House)

T. HARVEY COMBO BLUES JAM. 8 P.M. (Blues Central)

MONDAY 02.18ETERNAL COWBOYS, GIMMEE GIMMEE GIMMEE. 10 p.m. (Chilkoot Charlies)

JOHN COOK TRIO. 6:30 P.M. No Cover. (Organic Oasis)

MIDTOWN REVIVAL. 8 p.m. (Or-ganic Oasis)

OPEN MIC WITH MIKE ROXX. 8 P.M. (S Lounge)

TUESDAY 02.19JARED WOODS, MIKE GORDER. 6:30 p.m. (Pioneer Bar)

COMEDIAN BRETT ERICKSON, SPLENDID CHAOS, DJ ROSS YOUNG. 10 p.m. (Chilkoot Char-lie’s)

COMEDY OPEN MIC WITH JOHN HOLMES. 9 p.m. (S Lounge)


WEDNESDAY 02.20BLAZE AND ERIC. 8 p.m. (Sub-Zero)

COMEDIAN BRETT ERICKSON, ATF, SPLENDID CHOAS, DJ OPEN DECKS. 9 p.m. (Chilkoot Charlie’s)

HODOWN THROWDOWN WITH HOT DISH. 9 p.m. (Taproot)

OPEN ART NIGHT HOSTED BY ABBY RAYMUNDO AND THE ETER-NAL COWBOYS. (Anchor Pub)


THE RICHIE BAND (Flight Deck Bar & Restaurant)

submit it online at anchoragepress.com/calendar

Want to see your event in print?

Longtime LA Celtic rock outfit The Young Dubliners to play Girdwood

24 February 14 - February 20, 201324 February 14 - February 20, 2013

DAILY LISTTHU.02.14ART, CULTURE, ENTERTAINMENTFOR THE LOVE OF POTTERY — This pottery trunk show is displayed through Valentine’s Day. Choose from a wide assortment of hand-made treasures, from love-mugs to lady-mugs, and man-mugs to dragon mugs, there’s something for everyone. Pottery is on display at Taproot Café during café business hours. (3300 Spenard Rd.)

CELESTIAL NAVIGATION — You’re lost at sea and the batteries to your favorite GPS unit have just failed. What do you do? Let the sun, moon, and stars come to your rescue! Come explore the basic techniques of celestial navigation from the days of yore with Dr. Katherine Rawlins of UAA’s Department of Physics and Astronomy. Presenta-tion begins at 7 p.m. at the BLM Campbell Creek Science Center (5600 Science Center Dr.)

THE NEW NORM CANCER SUR-VIVORSHIP SERIES WORKSHOP #4 — Learn about how exercise can help you play a vital role in your survivorship by increasing your energy, reducing risk of recurrence, boosting your immune system and by just making you feel better. Cyn-thia Decker, RN, of Providence’s Oncology Rehabilitation Program, arms patients and survivors with knowledge and tools to kick-start and/or re-boot healthy lifestyle hab-its. Workshop begins at 6:30 p.m. in the Alaska Regional Hospital’s Cancer Care Center (2801 DeBarr Rd.)

OTHEREVALUATING DOORS AND WINDOWS — It’s a big decision whether or not to replace your windows and doors. We give you a logical framework to evaluate your home. What are the features of a more energy efficient door or window? Learn terms you’ll run into while shopping. Great for anyone participating in the AHFC energy rebate program. Class begins at 7 p.m. at the Alaska Craftsman Home Program (3400 Spenard Road, Suite 9)

FRI.02.15ART, CULTURE, ENTERTAINMENTALASKA ZOO ADVENTURE CAMP: SNOW MANIMALS — We all love making snowmen, but at this camp campers will get to make snow manimals for all their favorite animals! Filled with yummy treats and colors to attract fun winter attention, the animals will love their snow manimals just as much as the campers will delight in building them in Alaska Zoo animal exhibits. Camp is for youth ages 6 to 10 years old. Camp fees are $70/passholder, $85/non-passholder, event begins at 9 a.m. (4731 O’Malley Rd.)

SAT.02.16ART, CULTURE, ENTERTAINMENTANCHORAGE FREE INCOME TAX PREPARATION — Get your federal income taxes prepared by IRS-certified volunteers. At the same time, attend hourly financial mini-workshops (beginning at 10:15 a.m.). Come to the gym to visit with experts on ways to improve your finances, whether through a better job, education, homeowner-ship, improving your credit or being a smarter renter or shopper. Kid’s entertainment and free snacks make this an event for the entire family. Call 2-1-1 to find out what papers to bring with you. This is a free event. Event begins at 10 a.m. at the Salvation Army Community Center (1701 C St.)

CHANGE YOUR AGE WORKSHOP — Create a more youthful, intelligent body at any age with these easy-to-learn movement sequences that help you break away from physically limiting habits that can make you feel old. Update your muscle memory to reverse the signs of aging! Transform your balance, im-prove your posture, move away from pain, regain agility and coordination. Simple, powerful exercises train the brain to send correct signals to the body for greater ease and comfort. Moves are not stressful and do not demand muscular strength or flex-ibility. No repetitive routines. Class begins at 1 p.m. at Movement Options. (3524 E. 15th Ave.)

SUN.02.17ART, CULTURE, ENTERTAINMENTRIDE THE WINTER CITY URBAN RANDONNÉE — a rolling fund-raiser for the Bicycle Commut-ers of Anchorage by the Alaska Randonneurs. Support BCA while experiencing the adventurous style of randonneuring. There are two courses: 30 km or 50 km, winter day’s ride through the heart of An-chorage on track and trail. Progress between checkpoints navigating between food and stops along the way. See how easy it is to winter bicycle commute in Anchorage. It’s a timed event, but not a race. Event begins at 8 a.m. at the New Peanut Farm. (5227 Old Seward Hwy.)

MON.02.18ART, CULTURE, ENTERTAINMENTWINTER BIKE FEST “FILMED BY BIKE” MOVIE SHORTS — The Bicycle Commuters of Anchorage present a collection of shorts curat-ed by “Filmed by Bike,” in Portland, Oregon. Experience humor, adven-ture, romance, intrigue, quirkiness, all “filmed by bike.” Plus, gravity bike films by local producer jgscon-cepts. Doors open at 6 p.m. Show starts at 6:30 p.m. $10 suggested donation or get in free if you are an existing member or if you become or renew your membership. Event is held at the BP Exploration Energy Center. (1014 Energy Ct.)

VICTORIA KONONOVA PRESENTS “THE SNOW-MAIDEN” FAIRYTALE — Victoria Kononova is a Ph.D candidate in Slavic Languages at University of Wisconsin. Her dis-sertation is entitled “Nationalism, Ethnography, and the Appropriation of the Folk in Late Nineteenth Cen-tury Russian Literature and Culture.” This event is sponsored with the UAA Languages Department. This event is free, open to the public with free parking in the South Lot, the lot across from the bookstore. Event begins at 5 p.m. in the UAA Campus Bookstore. (2901 Spirit Dr.)

CHILDREN & YOUTHALASKA ZOO ADVENTURE CAMP: ZOOKEEPING 101 — Learn the basics of animal care by working alongside zookeepers to care for and provide a clean home for zoo animals. Observe training and help us enrich the lives of our animals. Camp is for youths ages 6 to 10 years old. Camp fees are $70/passholder, $85/non-passholder, event begins at 9 a.m. (4731 O’Malley Rd.)

TUE.02.19ART, CULTURE, ENTERTAINMENTALASKAN PROSPECTORS SOCI-ETY — Mark Rhodes presents an adventurous trip titled: “Anchorage to the Grand Canyon by Motorcycle: 9500 Miles in 30 Days.” Dona-tions for rent and snacks greatly appreciated. Presentation begins at 7:45 p.m. at First United Methodist Church. (725 W. Ninth Ave.)

SUPPORTIVE ADULT RELATION-SHIPS MENTORING TRAINING

—Anchorage Youth Development Coalition presents training on best practices for mentoring youth in middle and high school. This month’s topic: “Homework Help.” Presentation held at 6 p.m. in the Loussac Library Public Conference Room. (3600 Denali)

CROSSCURRENTS: AN EVENING WITH ALASKA’S NEW WRITER LAUREATE, NORA MARKS DAUEN-HAUER — Alaska’s new Writer Laureate joins writer and dramatist Diane Benson for an on-stage con-versation that ranges from writing across genres, the Alaska Native women writers, to preserving the oral tradition. Co-sponsored by 49 Alaska Writing Center, Anchorage Public Library, and Alaska Writers Guild. Presentation begins at 7 p.m. in the Wilda Marston Theatre at the Loussac Library. (3600 Denali)

OTHERFIRST STEPS: BUILDING SCIENCE BASICS — What do you gain when the components of a house work together as a system? In this class, learn the benefits, including increased comfort, health, durabil-ity and lower utility bills. This presentation explores the dynamics of heat, air and moisture in relation to the home structure, occupants and external environment. Great for anyone participating in the AHFC energy rebate program. Class begins at 7 p.m. at the Alaska Craftsman Home Program (3400 Spenard Road, Suite 9)

WED.02.20ART, CULTURE, ENTERTAINMENTPHILANTHROPY HUB OPEN HOUSE — The Philanthropy Hub at The Alaska Community Foundation is hosting an open house. Visit The Alaska Community Foundation, Alaska Children’s Trust, Anchor-age Park Foundation and Rider Consulting to celebrate the new Philanthropy Hub in Anchorage. Open house begins at 4 p.m. in the Alaska Community Foundation. (3201 C St.)

FIRESIDE CHAT: DALL’S SHEEP — Dall’s sheep live throughout Alaska and northwestern Canada. By look-ing at Dall’s sheep DNA, scientists have discovered a lot of informa-tion about the animals themselves, where they’ve lived through time, and whether or not a particular group is a distinct population from other groups. Please join Gretchen Roffler, wildlife biologist with the USGS Alaska Science Center, to learn more about Dall’s sheep, including what scientists have learned about them from studying their DNA. Chat begins at 7 p.m. at the BLM Campbell Creek Science Center. (5600 Science Center Dr.)

SEARCHING FOR BOOKER WRIGHT: A CONVERSATION WITH YVETTE JOHNSON — Yvette Johnson graduated from Northern Arizona University where she started The Booker Wright Project (www.bookerwright.com). In it she researches the complicated life her grandfather lived in Greenwood, Mississippi, where he was a waiter in a “whites only” steakhouse as well as owner of a restaurant on the

“black” side of town. Yvette John-son is co-producer of “Booker’s Place; A Mississippi Story” and is the author of Searching for Booker Wright. This event is sponsored with the UAA Sociology Depart-ment. This event is free, open to the public with free parking in the South Lot, the lot across from the bookstore. Event begins at 5 p.m. in the UAA Campus Bookstore. (2901 Spirit Dr.)

MOUNTAINEERING CLUB OF ALASKA MONTHLY MEETING — Joe Stock, a local and full certified mountain guide, will present on

“The Alaska Factor: Backcountry Skiing Southcentral Alaska.” He will show photos and tell stories from skiing traverses, chutes, tours and powder in the the mountains around Anchorage. General an-nouncements will precede the event from 6:30 p.m. to 7:15 p.m. The presentation will begin at 7:30 p.m. in the B.P. Energy Center. (900 E. Benson)

OTHERFINDING AND FIXING AIR LEAKS

— Is your house drafty? Do you run a humidifier? Are your utility bills high? This class gives you tools to diagnose and fix the leaks in your home to create a more comfortable and energy efficient environment. Ask questions to experienced professionals. Great for anyone participating in the AHFC energy rebate program. Class begins at 7 p.m. at the Alaska Craftsman Home Program (3400 Spenard Road, Suite 9)

ONGOING ACTIVITIESANCHORAGE PUBLIC LIBRARY EVENTSMOTHER GOOSE— Twenty minutes of nursery rhymes, songs, finger-plays and action for infants, birth to 18 months, and their caregivers. Loussac at Fridays, 2:30 p.m.

LAPSIT—Twenty minutes of short stories, songs and lots of repetition to build early literacy skills for children 3 and under and their caregivers. Loussac on Tuesdays, 10:30 a.m., Wednesdays, 10:30 a.m., Thursdays, 10:30 a.m. and Fridays, 10:30 a.m.; Muldoon on Thursdays, 10:30 a.m.; Chugiak-Eagle River on Fridays, 10:15 a.m.; Gerrish (Girdwood) on Saturdays, 11 a.m.

PRESCHOOL STORYTIME— A half hour of stories, songs and move-ment that build early literacy skills and prepare your preschooler ages three to five for Kindergarten. Mul-doon on Wednesdays, 10:30 a.m.; Loussac on Thursdays and Fridays, 11:30 a.m.; Gerrish (Girdwood) on Fridays, 11 a.m.; Chugiak-Eagle River on Fridays, 11:15 a.m.

FAMILY STORYTIME— A half hour of stories, songs, and more to build early literacy skills; a blend of entertainment and education for children birth through kindergarten & their caregivers. Loussac on Saturdays, 1:30 p.m.

GAMING AT MULDOON— Games galore at the Muldoon Neighbor-hood Library on Tuesdays with video games, board games, card games and snacks! If you plan on attending with a large group, please call ahead at 343-4035. Tuesdays, 3:30 to 6:30 p.m. at Muldoon.

GAMING AT TEEN UNDER-GROUND— Need a study break? Join us for open gaming on Xbox and PS3. Fridays, 3-5 p.m. Teen Underground, Loussac, level 3.

TEEN OPEN ZONE— Come get your game on! We’ve got board games, card games, and video games for the new or experienced gamer. Wednesdays, 2:45 to 4:45 p.m. at Mountain View Library, Community Room.

WRITER’S BLOCK— Teens ages 13-18 meet to practice and improve their writing skills, discuss topics related to writing, and build a foundation for a career in writing. Tuesdays, 3-5 p.m. at Mountain View, Community Room.

Publicize your event with a free

calendar listing in the Anchorage

Presssubmit all information online at www.anchoragepress.com/calendar

ten days prior to publication.

Additional questions, extended press releases and photographs may

be submitted via e-mail to

[email protected].


Your heart is in your hands

Help us choose a truly inspirational Alaskan woman to receive the Red Dress Award. Vote for your favorite finalist by February 14. The statewide winner will get a one-year lease on a brand new 2013 Toyota Camry from Kendall Auto! Voting details at KendallGivesBack.com.

VOTING FOR THE RED DRESS AWARDENDS FEB 14!

TM Go Red trademark of AHA, Red Dress trademark of DHHS.

locally sponsored by

nationally sponsored by

Your sweetheart may have the key to your heart

WOMEN GO RED

but a proper diet and regular physical activity can be keys to a healthy heart. On Valentine’s Day and beyond, indulge your sweetheart with a heart-healthy gift or date.

Know before you go – make it a point next time you go out to eat to look up the nutrition information for the restaurant you’re going to (most major chains have this online) and note the nutrition information for what you plan or usually order. Just knowing what you’re eating is a good step in the right direction.

1Rather than tempting your beloved with chocolates, consider a gift that has more permanence. Search for a poem that describes your feelings and write it on beautiful paper for a handmade Valentine.

2Quality time is one of the most meaningful gifts. Bundle up and plan an active outing such as sled-ding, ice skating, gathering wood for a fire, or if you’re feeling adventurous, visit an indoor rock wall.

Cook at home to control the quality and amounts of what you eat. Take a date to a local cooking class to practice your skills or learn a new technique.

3

Prepare a romantic candlelit dinner at home with a healthy recipe from heart.org/simplecooking.

45

Really want to send some-thing sweet? Opt for a fruit basket instead of sweets with added sugars.

7Spice it up – try cooking at home with healthier seasonings and avoid prepackaged mixes that may contain a lot of salt. Instead, add some spice with some fresh hot peppers. Remove the membrane and seeds first, then finely chop them up. A little goes a long way.

6Sharing is caring – if you go out for a romantic dinner, order one entrée to share. Many restaurant servings are enough for two.

Take it slow. Got a box of luxurious chocolate from your sweetie? Stick it in the fridge or freezer and enjoy in moderation over several weeks.

8

9

Take a walk – it’s free and costs nothing to get started. Walking for as little as 30 minutes a day provides heart-health benefits.

10

Go Red For Women Sponsors


OpiniOn

February 14 needs a major makeoverBy Jeri Kopet

it’s a scene that’s all too familiar. I am sitting in a trendy bar, waiting to meet my friend for post-work drinks. At that exact time I am also receiving a barrage of texts from several

friends, all of which have something to do with a wildly success-ful date, a potential date, or a new engagement. I am clearly not drunk enough to deal with this, I realize, as I scan the bar and see that both of the TVs facing me are simultaneously showing ads for 1-800-FLOWERS and Kay Jewelers. I scroll through the contacts on my phone, hoping to find some empathy, and soon

realize that the vast major-ity of the people attached to the nametags are coupled up. Sufficiently troubled; I grab my tall screwdriver and take a drink, the knot at the back of my throat becoming more noticeable with every sip. Fi-nally, my stomach drops, and I’m left with an all too famil-iar ache and longing.

Of course, this feeling eventually passes—it always does. But as I dissect my situ-ation later on, I realize what

was really bothering me. Besides the sense of being bombarded, I felt pressure and panic. Would I ever meet anyone, ever? Would I ever have a relationship that didn’t crash and burn? Am I bro-ken and crazy? That’s when it hit home. What I really felt was a disturbing sense of inadequacy, of not being good enough for the relationships I saw being touted as “normal,” of not being good enough for anyone.

Valentine’s Day augments this feeling, and it doesn’t matter if you’re in a relation-ship or single. If you are taken, chances are you spend a lot of time hoping that what you buy for your significant other (or others, if you’re down with that) is something they will enjoy. You might stress about it for days or weeks in advance, or you might find yourself on the opposite end, scrambling at the last minute, eventually settling on a six-pack of Coors and some greasy gas station choco-lates. Then of course asking: am I good enough for this person?

The story is equally bleak, if not more so, if you’re single. Val-entine’s Day is the one day a year when the entirety of America can turn on you and remind you of your singledom (notice the ominous similarity of singledom and single doom) and the fact that you will probably die alone because you don’t have anyone right this minute and you’re therefore broken. Somewhere be-tween the radio and television ads, the sea of red and pink boxes lurking at every grocery store, and the curious questions from well-meaning relatives, it’s enough to make you check yourself into a psychiatric hospital.

Valentine’s Day is only one day in a vast sea of 365, but some-how you’re expected to get everything right. And sadly, the em-phasis has shifted to the material. How much can you get? How much should you get? Buy and consume, buy and consume. It’s a troublesome picture. We’re in a conundrum. It seems that no matter where you’re at, you’re screwed.

But thankfully I come bearing great news: If you’re in a rela-tionship, you’re okay. If you’re single, you’re okay. We’re all okay.

How many times have you seen that on the cover of Cosmo-politan?

When it comes down to it, the problem isn’t necessarily us, or even the idea of Valentine’s Day in and of itself. It’s the environ-ment that we encounter on a daily basis. We live in a culture that is obsessed with sex, yet we can’t seem to bring ourselves to discuss it in an intelligent manner. Dating and self-improve-

ment books fly off the shelves, but genuine communication becomes less and less feasible as we become more consumed with our digital lives. The me-dia is fanatical about celeb-

rity pairings and breakups, and equally obsessed with ensuring

that men and women are sufficiently aware of just how different they are from

each other (and if you don’t identify with either gender, then you’re just SOL). Movies

and television shows tell us we can sometimes bridge these “gender gaps” through funny little mo-

ments of clarity, but often remind us that we’re really all just hopeless.

I say screw that.Let’s reclaim Valentine’s Day, and every day, for that matter.

Instead of making rules about gender divisions, let’s just not be dicks to one another! Instead of guessing what our significant others might desire, let’s actually have real conversations, even if they’re uncomfortable or hard.

As for the infamous February 14, let’s make it a day to tell ev-eryone you love them. Instead of only giving presents and get-ting presents, give conversations. Give compliments. Give qual-ity time. Give smiles, bear hugs, jokes, laughter, firm handshakes, emphatic toasts, song dedications on the radio. If you’re paired up, realize how lucky you are, warts and all (and relish in the fact that I am probably insanely jealous of you on multiple levels). If you’re single, relax. Enjoy the journey and be honest with your-self—it’s better to be alone than paired up with the wrong person.

As for me? I’ll be buying myself a fancy box of truffles and devouring them with fervor. Because I’m more than adequate. I’m obviously fantastic. And so are all of you.

Crazy in love (or not)

It seems that no matter where you’re at, you’re screwed.

Liquor License Transfer

New ApplicationYoung O. Kong is making application for a new restaurant/eating place AS 04.11.100 doing business as PHO-89 149 E. Fireweed Lane, Anchorage, Alaska 99503.

Interested persons should submit written comment to their governing body, the applicant and to the Alcoholic Beverage Control Board at 5848 E. Tudor Rd., Anchorage, AK 99507.99507.

Liquor License Transfer Notice

Casa Grande, Inc. and La Verne Thacker, d/b/a 222, Inc. located at No Premises is applying for transfer of a Beverage Dispensary (AS 04.11.090) liquor license to Dan K. Coffey d/b/a Dan K. Coffey located at No Premises. Interested persons should submit written comment or objection to their local governing body, the applicant, The Law Offices of Ernouf & Coffey, P.C. at 3606 Rhone Circle, Suite 110, Anchorage, AK 99508, and to the Alcoholic Beverage Control Board at 2400 Viking Drive, Anchorage, AK 99501.

Liquor License New Application

Notice

Charles “Logan” Stanley is making application for a new Restaurant Eating Place License 04.11.100 liquor license, doing business as Down Town Grill (D.T. Grill) located at 802 Gambell St Anchorage, AK 99515.Interested persons should submit written comment to their local governing body, the applicant, and to the Alcoholic Beverage Control Board at 5848 E Tudor Rd, Anchorage, AK 99507.

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Feb. 13, 14, & 15 Call NOW! 907-717-9966

“You are certainly a wonderful asset to the residents of the state of Alaska. Thank you truly for helping me and my family” Laurie S.

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THU / Ballroom Dancing 7; Killer Karaoke 9 - Midnight

FRI / FNDVS 9; DJ Missy G 10; Coryoke Midnight - Close

SAT / DJ Missy G 10; Coryoke 10 - Close SUN / Bartender Roulette 4; Indie Music 8 - Close MON / Wicked Jazz 4; RuPaul's Drag Race 8; Drama - Close

TUE / Free Pool All Day; Killer Karaoke 9 - Midnight

WED / Line Dancing 7; MeMe's Retro Disco Hour 8 - Close

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February 14, 1779: Explorer and navigator Captain Cook killed in HawaiiFebruary 15, 1903: First Teddy bear goes on sale; stuffed bear named after President Theo-

dore Roosevelt**February 16, 1804: US Navy and Marines keep USS Philadelphia out of hand of Muslim

Pirates in BarbaryFebruary 17, 1947: Voice of America begins radio broadcasts to RussiaFebruary 18, 1878: Murder of rancher John Tunstall ignites Lincoln County WarFebruary 19, 1942: Roosevelt signs Executive Order 9066, sends ethnic Americans to intern-

ment camps**February 20, 1792: George Washington signs Postal Service Act, creates national postal

service

February 15, 1903: First Teddy bear goes on sale; stuffed bear named after President Theodore Roosevelt

On this day in 1903, toy store owner and inventor Morris Michtom placed two stuffed bears in his shop window, advertising them as “Teddy’s bear”. They quickly sold, and shoppers asked for more.

A drawing of Roosevelt and a bear cub were the inspiration for this invention. Michtom had received permission from President Theodore Roosevelt to use his nickname, Teddy. The toys were an immediate success, and Michtom founded the Ideal Novelty and Toy Company. Other toy manufacturers noticed the trend and began turning out copies of Michtom’s bears, which would soon become a national childhood institution.

Roosevelt was an avid conservationist and a hunter, and the inspiration for the Ted-dy bear was attributed to a particular incident. In 1902, as the story goes, Roosevelt was hunting in Mississippi when he was called to an old, injured black bear that his guides had tied to a tree. They suggested that Roosevelt shoot the bear, as he was the only one in the party that had no kill on this trip. Roosevelt refused, deeming this unsportsmanlike, but instructed that the bear be killed to put it out of its misery. This story became the topic of a political cartoon in the Washington Post, and later versions would portray the bear as a cub, implying that the tough, macho image of Roosevelt hid a much softer, more sensitive interior.

“Roosevelt Bears” became so popular that fashionable ladies carried them every-where, children were photographed with them, and the President himself used one as a mascot in his bid for reelection. Teddy bears have been used in children’s books, songs and film.

One use today is truly special. It was discovered that giving a teddy bear to a child during a crisis helped stabilize and calm them. The Teddy Bear Cops program distributes teddy bears to police, fire and emergency officers throughout the United States, and millions have been given to children in emergency situations.

February 19, 1942: Roosevelt signs Executive Order 9066, sends

ethnic Americans to internment camps

On this day in 1942, ten weeks after the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor, President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed Executive Order 9066. This Order authorized the removal of people from military areas “as deemed necessary or desirable”. The military then defined the entire West Coast as a military area, and began removing and relocating

Japanese, Korean, Italian, & German immigrants and descendents to internment camps in scattered locations around the country. By June, more than 120,000 im-migrants and citizens would be detained.

The order did not name any ethnic nationality or group, instead naming those with “foreign enemy ancestry”. The majority of those interred were Japanese Americans and resident aliens. In an interesting twist, Jewish refugees were included in this group, as “Jew” was defined as a religious practice, not an ethnicity, and German and Polish Jews were included.

In 1976, President Gerald Ford rescinded the Order, and in 1982, the Commission on Wartime Relocation and Internment of Civilians was created under President Jimmy Carter to examine it. In its findings, the Commission stated that that the decision to incarcerate was based on “race prejudice, war hysteria, and a failure of political leadership.” They recommended remedies including what would become the Civil Liberties Act of 1988, signed by President George H. W. Bush.

Input is welcome, email [email protected]

THIS WEEK INAmerican

History

Notice of Intent to Conduct Environmental Studies and Public Meeting / Open House Seward Highway: MP 105-107; Windy Corner State Project No. 56631/Federal Project No. NH-0A3-1(34)

When: Monday, March 4, 2013 Time: 6:00 PM to 8:00 PM Presentation at 6:30 PM Location: Girdwood Community Center

250 Egloff Drive Girdwood, Alaska

The Alaska Department of Transportation and Public Facilities (DOT&PF), in cooperation with the Federal Highway Administration, is soliciting comments and information on a proposed project to realign and make safety improvements to the Seward Highway from Mileposts (MP) 105 to 107 (Windy Corner). In order to provide space for the highway realignment, the Alaska Railroad Corporation tracks would also be realigned. The new road and rail alignments would provide space for expanded pullouts and would improve access for parking and wildlife viewing. Acceleration and deceleration lanes would be constructed to access the new pullouts. DOT&PF is re-evaluating the approved 2004 environmental document for Seward Highway Safety Improvements Indian to Potter Marsh, MP 105 to MP 115.

The proposed project will comply with Executive Orders: 11990 (Wetlands Protection), 11988 (Floodplain Protection), 12898 (Environmental Justice), 13112 (Invasive Species); the Clean Air Act, Clean Water Act, Fish and Wildlife Coordination Act, Endangered Species Act, National Historic Preservation Act Section 106; Land and Water Conservation Fund Act Section 6(f), and U.S. DOT Act Section 4(f). Construction for the proposed project is anticipated to begin in summer 2016. To ensure that all possible factors are considered, please provide written comments to the following address by March 25, 2013.

Brian Elliott DOT&PF Environmental Manager

PO Box 196900 Anchorage, AK 99519-6900

In addition, DOT&PF invites you to attend a Public Meeting / Open House on the proposed project. Members of the public are encouraged to attend, ask questions, and submit comments throughout the two-hour open house. Design engineers and staff will be available to address questions and comments. Comments received during project scoping will be considered in preliminary design and environmental documentation for the project. Those wishing to submit comments at the Public Meeting may deliver them verbally or in writing. E-mail comments can be submitted via the project website www.windycorner.info.

If you have questions or require additional information, contact Tom Schmid, P.E., DOT&PF Project Manager at (907) 269-0543 or by e-mail.

It is the policy of the Department of Transportation & Public Facilities (DOT&PF) that no person shall be excluded from participation in, or be denied benefits of any and all programs or activities we provide based on race, religion, color, gender, age, marital status, ability, or national origin, regardless of the funding source including Federal Transit Administration, Federal Aviation Administration, Federal Highway Administration and State of Alaska Funds.

The State of Alaska Department of Transportation & Public Facilities (DOT&PF) complies with Title II of the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990. Individuals with disabilities who may need auxiliary aids, services, and/or special modifications to participate in this public meeting should contact Anne Brooks at (907) 272-1877 no later February 25, 2012 to make arrangements. Individuals with a hearing impairment can contact DOT&PF at our Telephone Device for the Deaf (TDD) at (907) 269-0473.


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HitcHcock— Lurking behind Al-fred Hitchcock (Anthony Hopkins), cinema’s “master of suspense” and the extraordinary film icon known for orchestrating some of the most intense experiences of menace and intrigue audiences have ever seen, was a hidden side: his creatively ex-plosive romance with his steadfast wife and filmmaking collaborator, Alma Reville (Helen Mirren). Now, for the first time, director Sacha Gervasi’s Hitchcock lays bare their captivating and complex love story. It does so through the sly, shadowy lens of their most daring filmmak-ing adventure: the making of the spine-tingling 1960 thriller Psycho, which would become the director’s most controversial and legendary film. When the tumultuous, against-the-odds production was over, noth-ing about movies would ever be the same, but few realized that it took two to pull it off. Showing Friday, February 15, through Thursday, February 21, at 7:50 p.m. at the Bear Tooth Theatrepub. (1230 W. 27th Ave.)

Brooklyn castles — In this inspiring, stand-up-and-cheer docu-mentary, we follow five talented kids from Brooklyn’s IS318, an in-ner city junior high school that has won more national chess titles than any other in the country. However, like so many schools and so many

after school programs across the country, 318’s chess club is facing budget cuts that could prove to be their end game. Brooklyn Castle is an intimately charming and moving look into the struggles each young student, and the entire team, faces

— not just on the chessboard, but in life as well. With three-quarters of the student body living under the poverty line, will the chess club sur-vive the economic downturn? Will the students realize their goals? Will Rochelle become the first female African-American chess master? Will sixth-grade prodigy Justus con-quer his stage fright? Will Patrick overcome his ADHD by honing his powers of concentration? In life, as in chess, the answers aren’t clear. But thanks to the perseverance of their coaches and teammates, IS 318 works hard to stay alive for an-other season. The film follows the team as they travel to tournaments and feel the drama as they try to achieve through chess what school board budget cuts continually fail to give them in life: a chance to become kings and queens. Showing on Monday, February 18, at 5:30 p.m. at the Bear Tooth Theatrepub. (1230 W. 27th Ave.)

rust and Bone — Academy Award-winning actress Marion Cotillard (La Vie en Rose, The Dark Knight Rises) gives a tour-de-force

performance in Rust and Bone that rivals anything she has done before. She plays Stéphanie, a free-spirited whale trainer at a marineland on the French Riviera, who suffers a devastating injury. Macho Ali (Matthias Schoenaerts, Bullhead), sullen, impulsive and broke, has just been given custody of his five-year-old son and is struggling to care for him. He finds work as a bouncer and extreme fighter, and meets Stéphanie when he protects her in a fight at the club where he works. Later, after her accident, she calls him for help, and they begin an unlikely romance. Both are struggling to overcome injuries and rebuild their lives, and their relationship reaches the extremes of physical and emotional intensity. Showing on Monday, February 18, at 7:50 p.m. at the Bear Tooth Theatrepub. (1230 W. 27th Ave.)

Friday FaMily MoVies— Grab a bag of popcorn or a snack and settle in for a new favorite or clas-sic movie. Call 343-2818 for movie titles. Fridays, 3-5 p.m. in the Mountain View Library Community Room (120 Bragaw Street)

pLAnETARiUM SHOWS

WisH you Were Here — Pink

Floyd’s rock ‘n’ roll masterpiece comes to life in this full-dome music and light show that inter-prets these classic albums through mesmerizing HD graphics. This is not a laser light show, but the next generation of computer generated imagery. Audience advisory: Adult subject matter. 5 p.m. Sundays at the Anchorage Museum. (625 C St.)

our liVinG cliMate — Visual-ize the Earth’s climate history by witnessing a mass extinction event, the Ice Age and the advent of the industrial revolution. Learn about the delicate atmospheric balance required to support life. Under-stand how scientists study climate change, including human impact. 3 p.m. Saturdays at the Anchorage Museum. (625 C St.)

eartH, Moon and sun— Coyote has a razor-sharp wit, but he’s confused about what he sees in the sky. Join this animated character in a show that discusses American Indian star lore, lunar phases, eclipses and space exploration. 11:30 a.m. Saturdays and Sundays at the Anchorage Museum (625 C St.)

eXPerience tHe aurora— Mar-vel as the Northern Lights shimmer and glisten overhead through

time-lapse footage captured in the Arctic Circle. This immersive show is the next best thing to being under Alaska’s winter night sky. Unearth the science behind auroras, and learn about mankind’s quest to find and understand this incredible phenomenon. 2 p.m. daily at the Anchorage Museum. (625 C St.)

Guided star sHoW— Join a science educator on a narrated tour through the night sky in the plan-etarium. Guided Star Shows vary based on night sky occurrences. 12:30 p.m. Saturdays and Sundays and 6:30 p.m. First Fridays at the Anchorage Museum (625 C St.)

led ZePPelin cosMic liGHt SHOW— Be transported by mood-provoking abstract art, theme-based imagery and transportive effects choreographed to some of Led Zeppelin’s biggest hits, includ-ing “Whole Lotta Love,” “Immigrant Song” and “Ramble On.” Audience advisory: Adult subject matter. 5 p.m. Mondays, Wednesdays, Fri-days and Saturdays at the Anchor-age Museum (625 C St.)

Pink Floyd: tHe Wall — Pink Floyd’s rock ‘n’ roll mas-terpieces come to life in these full-dome music and light shows that interprets these classic albums through mesmerizing HD graphics.

These are not laser light shows, but the next generation of computer generated imagery. Audience ad-visory: Adult subject matter. 4:50 p.m. Sundays at the Anchorage Museum. (625 C St.)

dinosaur PassaGe to Pan-Gaea — This new animated adven-ture explains one of the greatest geological events in Earth’s history: The separation of the superconti-nent Pangaea. When two children embark on a geology field trip back in time, they are thrown into a fantastic voyage where they witness incredible geological wonders and learn about the mysterious process that created present-day continents. 12:30 p.m. Saturday and Sunday at the Anchorage Museum. (625 C St.)

stranGe Planets — There are nearly 800 alien planets in our galaxy… and that number grows every week. These planets outside our solar system, called exoplanets, orbit around distant stars. Travel to these strange planets and learn how NASA’s Kepler mission led to these amazing discoveries. A mu-seum educator guides this journey and answers your questions. 3 p.m. Saturday at the Anchorage Museum. (625 C St.)

Melissa McCarthy is too gifted to be stuck in a movie as terrible as ‘Identity Thief’By BoB Grimm

Cashing in on her Oscar-nominated turn in Bridesmaids, Melissa McCarthy gets a headlining role alongside Jason Bateman in Identity Thief. While both performers are tal-

ented and make the best of the crummy heap of a script they are handed, it’s not enough to make this anything more than a desperate misfire.

McCarthy has a lot of talent. One only need see her in The Nines to know her dramatic capabilities. Her scope goes well be-yond slapstick comedy. Yet, here she is being smashed in the face with guitars and asked to lip synch that stupid milkshake song while sitting in the passenger seat for yet another riff on Planes, Trains and Automobiles.

This is the sort of junk Chris Farley would be handed back in the days before his heart exploded. McCarthy is a big woman, and so she is cast in the role of sloppy clown to Bateman’s dapper

straight man. Well, McCart-ney is also a beautiful and talented woman, and deserv-ing of a more classy show-case. Watching this garbage, I was surprised director Seth Gordon never forced her to put on a few-sizes-too-small windbreaker and have her sing “Fat Girl in a Little Coat.”

Bateman’s Sandy Patterson has his identity stolen by Mc-Carthy’s Diana and faces legal and job troubles as a result. So he leaves Colorado for Florida in search of “Bilbo,” or so he calls her, because the cops won’t help him. When the two meet up, turns out Diana has a mean throat punch and will not go quietly.

The two have a couple of good fights, with Diana get-ting smashed in the head with a guitar and struck with a waffle iron in one of them.

Identity Thief actually does OK in the physical comic-violence category. I chortled a bit at the hits these two were taking. It probably would’ve been a better movie if it were just 90 minutes of Diana and Sandy throwing stuff at each other and getting hit by cars.

Sandy eventually gets Diana into a car and, in the tradition of

road comedies, the journey starts off bad, with the two hating each other. Sandy must endure a night of Diana having sex with a stranger, various roadside disasters, and the aforementioned Diana singing along to the radio.

Of course, Sandy and his family will eventually see that Di-ana, even though she has robbed them blind, is a great lady deep down inside. She actually spends the night at their house hold-ing hands with the kids as they sleep. I don’t know. I think it would take more than Diana putting mashed potatoes on her face for a couple of laughs at the dinner table to be forgiven for destroying their financial lives.

Sandy’s family includes everybody’s go-to movie wife, Aman-da Peet, who is asked to perform the film’s most impossible task: playing a wife and mother who would even allow Diana in the house. My mom is a relatively meek lady, but if anybody like Diana tried to come in through the front door when I was a kid, she would’ve faced the wrath of Mom and her wooden spoon. I hated that stupid wooden spoon.

Gordon, who put together the much better Horrible Bosses, is basically working with one joke, that Diana is a mess and Sandy will be tortured dealing with her. Gordon tries to redeem Diana by the end of the film, even giving her a makeover that results in some cringeworthy dialogue.

Still, it’s hard to have a lot of fun watching a man’s life getting wrecked by identity theft. Hell, somebody tried to steal my iden-

tity and go shopping with my debit card just a couple of months ago. I wasn’t laughing then, and I wasn’t laughing all that much at Identity Thief.

Hollywood… please… don’t squander McCarthy’s talent. Give her the dramatic, respectable roles she deserves.

Now playing at Century 16 (301 E. 36th, 800-326-3264 ext. 900), Regal Dimond Center (800 East Dimond Blvd, 566-3327) and Re-gal Cinemas Tikahtnu Stadium (1102 North Muldoon Road, 338-6252).

Waste of talent

It probably would’ve been a better movie if it were just 90 minutes of Diana and Sandy throwing stuff at each other and getting hit by cars.

the con artist and the sucker: melissa mcCarthy and Jason Bateman in Identity Thief.

identity ThiefRated RStarring Jason Bateman and Melissa McCarthyDirected by Seth GordonUniversal, 112 minutes

fiLMEvEnTS>>

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Anchorage Museum625 C StreetAnchorage, AK 99501

The Alaska Policy Forum will once again host a National School Choice event with featured speaker Kevin Chavous, a national school reform leader. He presides as a board chair for Democrats for Education Reform and is a former chair and board member for the Black Alliance for Educational Options. Join the Alaska Policy Forum to hear Kevin Chavous speak on February 14, 2013 at the Anchorage Museum. Remember-it’s all about the kids!

“School Choice Benefits Everyone”Presented by The Alaska Policy Forum

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trends. Your input will help inform management of the forest over the next fifteen years. We want to hear from you!

CHUGACH NATIONAL FOREST PLANNING FORUM

Anchorage: Saturday, February 23, 2013 from 10 a.m. - 12:30 p.m. Location: Chugach National Forest Supervisor’s Office

For more information on public forums in your area, visit www.fs.usda.gov/chugach

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��


InterviewerWESTAT, a national research firm, seeks individuals to work as inter-viewers for an energy consumption study. Interviewers will locate sam-pled commercial buildings & conduct computer-assisted interviews in per-son or over the phone. Work is part-time, 25 hours a week or more, mostly during the day. A car is req’d; mileage reimbursed. U.S. citizenship is required for this position. Must be able to attend out of town training in early-to-mid April 2013. Pay rate based on experience. Assignment runs from April thru September 2013. To learn more about the position & to ap-ply, visit: www.westat.com/fieldjobs

& enter Job ID 5710BRWESTAT - EOE

The ANCHORAGE PRESS isback ONLINE and better than ever!

Online Advertising OpportunityRipe for the Picking!

Race out to get yourcopy every Thursday

ANCH

ORAG

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400 EmploymentProfessionalADMIN ASSISTANTw/ Trout Unlimited. Organized individual to help w/ admin & program work in our Anchorage office. Apply by Feb. 22, For job description:

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CaregiverLooking for a female CNA caregiver for a terminally ill female cancer patient. 24/7 live-in. Rm & board + salary, no benefits. Non-smoker,solid ref Call 907- 376-5679.

Matanuska Electric Association is

currently recruiting for a temporary

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Visitwww.mea.coop

to see the jobbulletin & to apply

online. MEArequires a postoffer substance

abuse testEEO/M/F/D/V

Employer.

400 Employment

ProfessionalThe Alaska Club

OperationsManager

The Alaska ClubValley in Wasilla is

seeking a moti-vated team leader to lead, direct &

monitor staff in the daily operations of the health club & aquatics facility to assure superior member experi-

ences. The chosen candidate should have proven lead-ership skills, basicgeneral accounting

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Prior fitness, aquatic and health club experience is preferred but not required. Pls. visit

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615 Building Supplies

- Good Supply of large logsfrom Kodiak-

- Nice Lumber- - Good Prices- Have a Building

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Metal Roofing &Building Components

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Bill's BuildingComponents

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627 Health & FitnessAttention Joint & Muscle Pain Suffer-ers: Clinically proven all-natural supple-ment helps reduce pain and enhance mobility. Call 888-474-8936 to try Hydraflexin RISK-FREE for 90 days.

ATTENTION SLEEPAPNEA SUFFERERS with Medicare. Get

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prevent red skin sores and bacterial infection!

Call 866-993-5043

Respronics Ever Go Oxygen Con-centrator; aircraftapproved. $3,000OBO Please Call

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632 Fuel/Heating

Firewood for SaleTree length BirchSaw log Spruce

Contact Bond BrosLogging

at 715-4019

652 Pets/Supplies

Spaying andNeutering is

Important to us!

Bring us your puppies and we will spay

your Momma dog atNO COST!

For more infocall Alaska Dog& Puppy Rescue

(907)745-7030

“We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by

what we give.”Sir Winston

ChurchillMake a Positive Change in Your

Life and That of a Homeless Puppy

or Dog!Come join the

ranks of dedicated-volunteers who

comprise Alaska Dog & Puppy Res-cue. Our volunteer-ing needs include

being a foster home, helping out at adoption clinics, working on fund-raising,and much more. So, please bring along your energy, talent, &

mostly your heart.

To help out, call 745-7030 or email

us [email protected]

AKC Great Pyren-ees puppies, 8 wks. old, have shots, five males, $650 ea. Shipping avail. Call 907-357-2324

652 Pets/Supplies

Alaska Cat Adoption Team

is seeking good homes for its great foster kittens. Lots of kittens available,

as well as some adults.

Call 982-2228or see them at

www.alaskacata-doptionteam.org

Alaska SPCALow Cost SpayNeuter Clinic -907-562-2999

549 W. Int’l AirportRd, AnchorageSpay-neuters,

microchips, rabies,vaccinations, nail

clips, MOA licensesGreat pricesyear-round

www.alaskaspca.org

Mini Dachshunds, 2males, born Christ-mas Day; have 1st shots, $400.ea. Call 775-9128 376-4252

"Mat Valley Kittiesis in need of Foster

Homes for Adult Cats. We cansupply all the

necessities, you just supply the love!

Must have a quietarea separated

from your pets. If youcan help, please callSusan @ 841-7711.

matvalleykitties.org

Special health needs cat, 6 years old and nuetered. Free to good home. Call 907-373-7902

652 Pets/Supplies 652 Pets/Supplies

New S Lounge to hire bartender. To

apply send resume and 3 references to

E-mail: jameskang0803@

gmail.com

Alaska Cat Adoption Teaman all-volunteer

nonprofit organization, is

seeking additional foster homes and

other volunteers to help this mission.

Call 982-2228 or email

[email protected]

AK CAT RESCUECute, cuddle bugs

for adoption!www.akcat.orgAsk how you canget your momma

cat spayed.(907)232-4444

Really pays off!


Business & Service D I R E C T O R Y

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service. FOR SALE:Side by Side

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CHIROPRACTIC

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Lic/Bonded/InsFree Estimates

5-year Warranty

ROOFING

THRIFTSTORES

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APPLIANCES

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DELIVERY SERVICE

HOME IMPROVEMENT

SHAMROCK SEPTICSame Owner Since 1989Pat & Charlotte Murray

XNLV61010

www.shamrockseptic.net

Septic Pumping Mat-Su Area

The Red Barn Thrift Store

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Antiques, Collectables, New & Gently Used Items

Furniture, Household Items, Sporting Goods & Tools

Jeans $2 Every Day

Residential & Commercial

Scott Roloff

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PLUMBING

Elizabeth Keeter DC, LLC

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Greeno’s Remodeling & General Contracting

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FOR ALL OF YOUR RESIDENTIAL AND COMMERCIAL NEEDS,

CALL YOUR SERVICE SPECIALISTS AT 272-2004

Home Remodel & Repair

Handicap Accessibility, Medicaid & AK Licensed.

For experience & quality call DJ @ 707-1087

Mat-Su Activity & Respite Center

Between Anchorage & Mat-SuNo Job Too Small

4-6 round trips weekly – 14 ft. box vanDocuments to Palletized Loads

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7

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furnace?

Facebook-HVAC Alaska Seriously, the guy to call is Mike from

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Military Discounts with I.D.Complete Line of Heating & Plumbing Supplies

Service Technicians AvailableContracting 376-2859 or Retail 376-2875

Rescue Cats for Adoption Fixed, with shots and Microchip

Money back GuaranteeFind out about our

reduced adoption fees.Call 980-8898

[email protected]://sites.google.com/site/clearcreek-

catrescue/home

Advocates for Dog and Puppy WellnessOffers microchippping at PetZoo, once a month.Keep your pet safe, w/ a HomeAgain microchip!Please check our website for the next event datewww.Advocatesfordogandpuppywellness.org

652 Pets/Supplies

ATTENTIONFrontiersman

Readers!It has been brought to

our attention that a puppy scam is

targeting animallovers. Readers are

asked to wire money to a seller who is either out of the country or out of state, with the

promise that the seller will ship the animal

once the wire transfer has been received.

BE AWAREIf you can not speak to

a person locally through a phone call

or email withoutverification, please

make sure not to give out ANY personal

information.We at the

Frontiersman take every precaution to protect our readers

and ask that they look for red flags and

consider the following when purchasing an

animal:• Purchase locally

• Be wary of ads thatdo not list a

telephone number,but an email address

only• Have the animalexamined by a vetbefore purchasing

• Never wire moneyor send a check

• Be sure to obtain the pet at the time of

purchase.Classified Advertising

(907)352-2290

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CROSSWORD

THE FATHER OF...

ACROSS1 Lets go by, as a chance9 Like some eyeglass lenses16 Short race20 Emerge again21 Medium tempo22 Not tricked by23 ... Nuclear Physics25 Needle-nosedfishes26 “Grand” instruments27 Speak ill of, in slang28 O.J. Simpson trial judge29 Cuban salsa singer Cruz30 People who may share

armrests32 ... the Symphony35 McKellen of “Scandal”36 Like the pope: Abbr.37 Become laryngitic38 ... Organized Crime44 Wd. with the same meaning45 Luggage screeners’ org.46 Lobbies with glass ceilings47 Ease off48 Motor noise50 Señora Perón

53 Golfer’sfirststroke56 - -jongg58 ... Modern China63 S&L options64 TV actress Arthur66 Ease off68 “False!”69 Tantrum70 ... Country Music73 Lady Liberty’s land74 Win by - (barely triumph)76 Clay worker77 Univ. e-mail ending78 Garden of -79 ... History81 Nestlé’s - -Caps83 Napping audibly85 Wear for a messy meal86 Small inlet88 Employer of many CPAs90 Dorothy, to Em91 Father’s Day honorees94 Exam room noises96 ... Modern Genetics100 Tremendous103 Actor Mischa104 “The Raven” penner105 ... Fitness

107 Libra113 Shaw of jazz clarinet114 Former Ford115 “Either he goes - go”116 Iroquois tribe117 Early 16th-century year118 ... the United States122 Centuries on end123 Off base with permission124 It offers goods under a

canvas shelter125 Hong Kong’s Hang - Index126 Dawdled127 Playful marine mammal

DOWN1 Readies,briefly2 Falcon’s nest3 Largest city in Yemen4 Exhausted5 Derby city6 Leave port7 Old Egypt-Syr. alliance8 Wisdom9 Cross words10 Suffixwithbrilliant11 32nd prez12 Dumb and clumsy13 Bill worth 100 clams14 Waste away15 Was ahead16 Folded-over page corner17 Investmentfirmworker18 Long steps19 Biblical cry of praise24 Scale notes29 Single dance move?31 Fraternity “T”32 First mo.33 “Then again,” in a chat room34 Darling36 Supper club38 Queen of rap39 Of the womb40 Maker41 SWAK part42 Slangy approval43 Aptiva maker44 Dirty streak49 New no more51 Vehicles for large families52 - -Z (totally)54 Kobe sash

55 Seduce57 Toast starter59 Essentials60 Hit the books61 Very nature62 Hardly the saintly type65 Secret love affairs67 More hokey, as a joke70 “Star Wars” knight71 “Who’s there?” reply72 Quick trot75 Cry out loud78 Activist Brockovich80 Malia or Sasha82 The “O” of NATO: Abbr.84 Not divided

87 “Son of -!”89 Clever, specious reasoners91 Crib clothes92 Prize getter93 Division95 Modern Greek97 Mr. - (old whodunit game)98 Caviar base99 Loggins & - (“Your Mama

Don’t Dance” duo)101 Aspen sport102 Bullring holler103 - Doria (ill-fated liner)106 Bikini Island, e.g.107 Lilt syllable108 Italian for “hundred”

109 Neurotic worrying110 Unleash upon111 School, in Paris112 More rational115 Fellbehindfinancially118 Zeus or Thor119 Ben- -120 Eden exile121 “Te- -!”

last Week’s ansWers

pUZZLES

CODE qUOTE In these Code Quotes from America’s history, each letter given is a code consisting of another letter. To solve this Code Quote, you must decode the puzzle by replacing each letter with the correct one. An example is shown. A ‘clue’ is available if you need extra help. Example: G E O R G E W A S H I N G T O N Is coded as: W J A M W J G I T C X Z W F A Z

SUDOKU

last week’s solution

Hint: This attorney from New York served in the US House of Representatives for almost 50 years, and was the most senior member of Congress ever to lose a primary.Last week’s answer: “The greatness of America lies not in being more enlightened than any other nation, but rather in her ability to repair her faults.” Alexis de Tocqueville

Sudoku puzzles too easy? Too hard?

Take our online survey atwww.anchoragepress.com

JV T TBUPZ T MLL K Z VU HNNYL ZZPVU, OHAYL K , HUK AOL P T W YPZ VUTLUA VM TLU’Z T PUK Z HUK

Z VBSZ. AOPZ ZOHSS UVA AHRL Y V VA PU AOL BUPAL K Z AHAL Z. LTHUBLS JLSSLY


nEWS Of THE WEiRD

TOOnS

DINo CoMICS BY RYAN NoRTH

By ChuCK Shepherd

one for the roadCliche come to life: The Kerry, Ireland, county council voted in

January to let some people drive drunk. The councillors reasoned that in the county’s isolated regions, some seniors live alone and need the camaraderie of the pub, but fear a DUI arrest on the way home. The councillors thus empowered police to issue DUI permits to those targeted drivers. Besides, reasoned the councillors, the area is so sparsely populated that such drivers never encounter anyone else on the road at night. (The councillors’ beneficence might also have been influenced, reported BBC News, by the fact that “several” of the five voting “yea” own pubs.)

they’re not all from fairBanKSSpare the waterboard, spoil the child: William Province, 42, was

arrested in Jefferson County, Montana, in December and charged with waterboarding four boys, two of whom were his own sons, at his home in December. (Also in January, Kirill Bartashevitch, 52, was charged with making “terroristic” threats to his high-school-age daughter after he allegedly pointed his new AK-47 at her be-cause her report card showed 2 B’s instead of all A’s. He said he had recently purchased the gun because he feared that President Obama intended to ban them.)

*****Emma Whittington, of Hutchinson, Kansas, rushed her daugh-

ter to the ER in December when the girl, 7 months old, developed a golf-ball-sized lump on her neck. Two days later, at a hospital in Wichita, a doctor gently pulled a feather out of the lump and hy-pothesized that it had been in the midst of emerging from her throat. Doctors said the girl probably swallowed the feather accidentally, that it got stuck in throat tissue, and that her body was trying to eject it through the skin.

*****As if 9/11 and the resultant air travel restrictions had never hap-

pened, travelers for some reason continue to keep Transportation Security Administration agents busy at passengers’ carry-on bag searches. From a TSA weekly summary of confiscations in January: 33 handguns, eight stun guns and a serrated wire garrote. Among highlights from 2012: a live 40mm grenade, a live blasting cap, “seal bombs” and six pounds of black powder (with detonation cords and a timing fuse).

*****A man with admittedly limited English skills went to a court-

house in Springfield, Massachusetts, in December to address a traf-fic ticket, but somehow wound up on a jury trying Donald Camp-bell on two counts of assault. Officials said the man simply got in the wrong line and followed jurors into a room while the real sixth juror had mistakenly gone to another room. The jury, including the accidental juror, found Campbell guilty, but he was awarded a new

trial when the mistake was discovered.

the redneCK ChroniCleS (tenneSSee edition)(1) Timothy Crabtree, 45, of Rogersville, was arrested in October

and charged with stabbing his son, Brandon, 21, in an argument over who would get the last beer in the house. (2) Tricia Moody, 26, was charged with DUI in Knoxville in January after a 10-minute police chase. The officer’s report noted that Moody was still holding a cup of beer and apparently had not spilled any during the chase. (3) Jerry Poe, 62, was charged in a road-rage incident in Clinton on Black Friday after firing his handgun at a driver in front of him “to scare her into moving” faster, he said. (Poe said he had started at midnight at one Wal-Mart, waited in line unsuccessfully for five hours for a sale-priced stereo, and was on his way to another Wal-Mart.

SoundS liKe a JoKe Twin brothers Aric Hale and Sean Hale, 28, were both arrested

on New Year’s Eve in Manchester, Connecticut, after fighting each other at a hotel and later at a residence. Police said a 27-year-old woman was openly dating the two men, and that Sean thought it was his turn and asked Aric for privacy. Aric begged to differ about whose turn it was.

unClear on the ConCept Voted in December as vice presidents of the U.N. Human Rights

Council for 2013 were the nations of Mauritania and the Maldives, both of which permit the death penalty for renouncing Islam. In Mauritania, a person so charged has three days to repent for a lesser sentence. (An August 2012 dispatch in London’s The Guardian re-ported widespread acceptance of slavery conditions in Mauritania, affecting as many as 800,000 of the 3.5 million population. Said one abolitionist leader, “Today we have the slavery (that) American plantation owners dreamed of (in that the slaves) believe their con-dition is necessary to get to paradise.”)

*****Non-medical employees of the University of Pittsburgh Medical

Center have been campaigning for union representation, suggest-ing that their current wages leave many workers dangerously close to poverty. Though raises have not materialized, UPMC (according to a November Pittsburgh City Paper report) has now shown sym-pathy for its employees’ sad plight. In a November UPMC newslet-ter, it announced that it was setting up “UPMC Cares” food banks. Employees (presumably the better-paid ones) are urged to “donate nonperishable food items to stock employee food pantries that will established on both (UPMC campuse).” One astonished worker’s response: “I started to cry.”

*****In December, the St. Louis Post-Dispatch revealed, through a

public records check, that the appointed Collector of Revenue for St. Louis County has failed since 2008 to pay personal property taxes. Stacy Bailey and her husband owe taxes on three cars and

in fact filed for bankruptcy in 2011. Bailey’s boss, Director of Rev-enue Eugene Leung, told the Dispatch that he had checked Bailey’s real-estate tax status but not personal property taxes. Nonetheless, he said, “Knowing what I know now, she’s still the most qualified person for the job,” among the 155 applicants.

perSpeCtive First-World Problems: Before “cellulite” appeared in popular

culture around 1972, almost no one believed the condition espe-cially remarkable, wrote London’s The Guardian in December. Similarly, the new concern about “wobbly” arms—flesh dangling loosely when a woman’s arm is raised horizontally—seems entirely made-up. However, Marks & Spencer and other upscale British re-tailers now sell “arm corsets” to fashionably hold the skin tighter for sleeveless tops. Wrote the Guardian columnist, “I wish I didn’t know that my arms weren’t meant to wobble. I’d be happier.”

people different from uS Julie Griffiths, 43, of Newcastle-Under-Lyme, England, received

her first Anti-Social Behavior Order in 1999 for too loudly berat-ing her husband, Norman (who one neighbor told the Daily Tele-graph is “the sweetest man you could ever meet”). After many com-plaints (from neighbors, never from Norman), Griffiths was fined the equivalent of about $700 in 2010 and vowed to be quieter. The complaints hardly slowed, and in July 2012, environmental-health officials installed monitoring equipment next door and caught Griffiths venting at Norman 47 times in three months. However, the Stoke-on-Trent Magistrates Court merely issued a new, five-year ASBO.

readerS’ ChoiCe (1) Recently, a 67-year-old woman set out to drive to a train sta-

tion in Brussels, Belgium, 38 miles from her home to pick up a friend, but her GPS was broken, and she wound up three countries away, in Zagreb, Croatia, before she sought help. Drivers older than her have been similarly lost, but not to the extent of crossing five borders and passing road signs in three languages while traveling 900 miles. (She said only that she was “distracted.”) (2) In January, a 68-year-old Florida man got out of a van to open a garage door so that his friend could back in, but he left the van door open, and the driver’s dog leaped excitedly into the vehicle and landed on the gas pedal. The man was fatally crushed against the garage door.

Thanks This Week to Chris O’Hare, Margaret Thomas, Kelly Eg-nitz, Rey Barry, John.McGaw, Michael Hull, Mark Svevar, and Jan Linders, and to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.


fREE WiLL ASTROLOGY

HealtH &Wellness

By roB BrezSny

aQuariuS (Jan. 20-feB. 18)“All these years I’ve been searching for an impossible love,”

said French writer Marguerite Duras late in her life. The novels and films she created reflect that feeling. Her fictional charac-ters are often engaged in obsessive quests for an ideal romance that would allow them to express their passion perfectly and fulfill their longing completely. In the meantime, their actual relationships in the real world suffer, even as their starry-eyed aspirations remain forever frustrated. I invite you, Aquarius, to celebrate this Valentine season by taking a vow of renunciation. Summon the courage to forswear Duras’s doomed approach to love.

piSCeS (feB. 19-marCh 20)To avoid getting hacked, computer tech experts advise you

to choose strong, hard-to-guess passwords for your online ac-counts. Among the worst choices to protect your security are

“123456,” “iloveyou,” “qwerty,” and, of course, “password.” Judg-ing by the current astrological omens, Pisces, I’m guessing that you should have a similar approach to your whole life in the coming days. It’s important that you be picky about who you al-low into your heart, mind, and soul. Make sure that only trust-worthy and sensitive people can gain access. Your metaphorical password might be something like this: m*y#s@t&e?r%y.

arieS (marCh 21-april 19)Afrikaner author Laurens van der Post told a story about a

conversation between psychologist Carl Jung and Ochwiay Bi-ano, a Pueblo Indian chief. Jung asked Biano to offer his views about white people. “White people must be crazy because they think with their heads,” said the chief, “and it is well-known that only crazy people do that.” Jung asked him what the alternative was. Biano said that his people think with their hearts. That’s your assignment for the week ahead, Aries: think with your heart—especially when it comes to love. For extra credit, you should feel with your head—especially when it comes to love. Happy Valentine Daze, Aries!

tauruS (april 20-may 20)Have you ever sent a torrent of smart and elegant love mes-

sages to a person you wanted to get closer to? Now would be an excellent time to try a stunt like that. Have you ever scoured the depths of your own psyche in search of any unconscious at-titudes or bad habits that might be obstructing your ability to enjoy the kind of intimacy you long for? I highly recommend such a project right now. Have you ever embarked on a crusade to make yourself even more interesting and exciting than you al-ready are? Do it now. Raise your irresistibility! Happy Valentine Daze, Taurus!

Gemini (may 21-June 20)Happy Valentine Daze, Gemini! After careful meditation

about what messages might purify and supercharge your love life, I decided to offer suggestions about what not to do. To that end, I’ll quote some lines from Kim Addonizio’s poem “Forms of Love.” Please don’t speak any of them out loud, or even get yourself into a position where it makes sense to say them. 1. “I love how emotionally unavailable you are.” 2. “I love you and feel a powerful spiritual connection to you, even though we’ve never met.” 3. “I love your pain, it’s so competitive.” 4. “I love you as long as you love me back.” 5. “I love you when you’re not get-ting drunk and stupid.” 6. “I love you but I’m married.” 7. “I love it when you tie me up with ropes using the knots you learned in Boy Scouts, and when you do the stoned Dennis Hopper rap from Apocalypse Now!”

CanCer (June 21-July 22)This Valentine season, I suggest you consider trying an experi-

ment like this: Go to the soulful ally you want to be closer to and take off at least some of your masks. Drop your pretenses, too. Shed your emotional armor and do without your psychological crutches. Take a chance on getting as psychologically and spiri-tually naked as you have ever dared. Are you brave enough to reveal the core truths about yourself that lie beneath the conve-nient truths and the expired truths and the pretend truths?

leo (July 23-auG. 22)“Sex is a substitute for God,” says writer Cathryn Michon.

“When we desire another human being sexually, we are really only trying to fill our longing for ecstasy and union with the infi-nite.” I agree with her, and I think you might, too, after this week. Erotic encounters will have an even better chance than usual of connecting you to the Sublime Cosmic YumYum. If you can’t find a worthy collaborator to help you accomplish this miracu-lous feat, just fantasize about one. You need and deserve spiritual rapture. Happy Valentine Daze, Leo!

virGo (auG. 23-Sept. 22)Lately you’ve been doing exemplary work on your relation-

ship with yourself, Virgo. You have half-convinced your inner critic to shut the frack up unless it has a truly important piece of wisdom to impart. Meanwhile, you’ve managed to provide a small but inspired dose of healing for the wounded part of your psyche, and you have gently exposed a self-deception that had been wreaking quiet havoc. Congratulations! I’ve got a hunch that all these fine efforts will render you extra sexy and charis-matic in the coming week. But it will probably be a subtle kind of sexiness and charisma that only the most emotionally intelligent people will recognize. So don’t expect to attract the attention of superficial jerks who happen to have beautiful exteriors. Happy Valentine Daze!

liBra (Sept. 23-oCt. 22)The coming days could be an animalistic time for you, and I

mean that in the best sense. I suspect you will generate lots of favorable responses from the universe if you honor the part of you that can best be described as a beautiful beast. Learn fun new truths about your instinctual nature. Explore the myster-ies of your primal urges. See what you can decipher about your body’s secret language. May I also suggest that you be alert for and receptive to the beautiful beast in other people? Happy Val-entine Daze, Libra!

SCorpio (oCt. 23-nov. 21)For the French Scorpio poet Paul Valéry, swimming had an

erotic quality. He described it as fornication avec l’onde, which can be translated as “fornicating with the waves.” Your assign-ment this Valentine season, Scorpio, is to identify at least three activities that are like sex but not exactly sex—and then do them with glee and abandon. The purpose of this exercise is to educate and cultivate your libido; to encourage your kundalini to branch out as it intensifies and expands your lust for life.

SaGittariuS (nov. 22-deC. 21)This Valentine season, meditate on the relentlessness of your

yearning for love. Recognize the fact that your eternal longing will never leave you in peace. Accept that it will forever delight you, torment you, inspire you, and bewilder you—whether you are alone or in the throes of a complicated relationship. Under-stand that your desire for love will just keep coming and coming and coming, keeping you slightly off-balance and pushing you to constantly revise your ideas about who you are. Now read this declaration from the poet Rilke and claim it as your own: “My blood is alive with many voices that tell me I am made of long-ing.”

CapriCorn (deC. 22-Jan. 19)According to physicists Yong Mao and Thomas Fink, you can

tie a necktie in 85 different kinds of knots, but only 13 of those actually look good. I encourage you to apply that way of think-ing to pretty much everything you do in the coming week. Total success will elude you if you settle on functional solutions that aren’t aesthetically pleasing. You should make sure that beauty and usefulness are thoroughly interwoven. This is especially true in matters regarding your love life and close relationships. Togetherness needs a strong dose of lyrical pragmatism. Happy Valentine Daze, Capricorn!

thiS WeeK’S homeWorKConfess, brag, and expostulate about what inspires you to love.Got to: freewillastrology.com and click on “Email Rob.”

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