Arranged marriages produce more lasting marriages

Arranged marriage is a type of marital union where the bride and groom are selected by

a third party rather than by each other (Arranged marriage, n.d.), mostly arranged by their

parents or grandparents. Their parents are careful when they look into their background,

characteristics, culture, financial strength, language, life goals, morals, religions, similar

lifestyle, social status and values (Arranged Marriage Advantages and Disadvantages, n.d.).

According to a research, arranged marriage will last longer because both bride and groom

accepted each other as they believed that their parents’ arrangement were the best for them

(Arranged Marriage Pros and Cons, 2014). In such circumstances, the two people getting

married usually do not know or barely each other, and have little or no choice in the matter. In

many Indian and Asian cultures, arranged marriage is a highly practice, and it has been

practiced for a few hundred years ago (Arranged Marriage Pros and Cons, 2014). However,

as time goes by, their love for each other will grow stronger as they create a strong foundation

of love, understanding and mutual trust throughout their lifetime. Dr Robert Epstein, a

Harvard academic state the love in love marriages at about five-year mark will be surpassed

by the gradually growing of love in arranged marriages (Bentley, 2011). Arranged marriages

will produce more lasting marriages because people tend to feel more in love as time grows,

build a better future and a closer relationship, and the commitment is strong between each

other.

Firstly, arranged marriages will produce more lasting marriages because people tend to

feel more in love as time grows (Bentley, 2011). The love felt by the arranged marriage

couples will become around twice as strong within ten years because the couples who have

their marriage arranged for them have a stronger will in marriage, and this will make their

love grows over time and the bonding made them closer to each other. When their children

come along, the family bonding will make them even closer to each other and their love will

grow eventually. On the other hand, some see arranged marriage as an identity loss (Arranged

Marriage Advantages and Disadvantages List, 2015). They argue that sometimes in order to

fit in their spouses or family’s ideal, they might notice themselves changing who they are or

what they like. Marriage definitely will change a person because they lived with their spouse

and they have to adjust their lifestyles in order to fit in a harmony life with their partner (Does

marriage carry the risk of losing one’s identity?, 2013). As time goes by, personalities

develop more because they learn more about themselves and their spouse after the marriage.

Marriage is a part of a development cycle such as bringing out things from the deepest

corners of the heart and soul. Eventually, they will need to adjust themselves emotionally, and

in turn to show their spouse that their behaviour is indeed accepted. Hence, their identity will

gradually change to allow themselves and their spouse to learn and grow together.

Basically, marriage adds more colours and sentiments to life and changes depend on what

they like or who they are, either allow or disallow, and the changes are inevitable.

Moreover, the couples will be far more likely to lead a lasting affection than marriages of

passion. For example, lasting affection between the couples is much stronger compared to

marriages of passion because the passion of love will be influenced by their characteristic

such as beauty, hobbies and outer personality (Viswanathan, 2012). Thus, they won’t leave

each other when times get harder especially when they face life problems and it brings them

closer to each other. In such circumstances, they will not view the situation simply as a

natural end to their romantic dream as a way of fate telling them something is wrong with the

relationship.

Next, couples from arranged marriage tend to build a better future and a closer relationship

(Arranged Marriage Pros and Cons, 2014). Some couples from arranged marriage will be

given enough time to bond and understand each other’s background before the actual date of

their marriage occurs. If they think that they are not meant or not suitable for each other, they

are free to cancel the arrangement of marriage. The love that is present for those couples who

are engaged in the arranged marriage allows them to build a happy family and may not lead to

a rushed decision. In contrast, some people will think that arranged marriages will cause high

divorce rate. They insist that arranged marriage will not last long. According to researches,

most arranged marriage couples will notice that they need to divorce their spouse whenever

they realized that they are not meant for each other, they are not compatible and couldn’t

tolerate each other anymore (Arranged Marriage Pros and Cons, 2014). In actual fact,

arranged marriages have the lowest rate in divorce because most religions such as Islam,

Hinduism and Christianity discourage divorce but as for some exceptional cases, they do

permit when it is too difficult to live with each other under certain circumstances (Arranged

Marriage Advantages and Disadvantages, n.d.). In certain south-Asian countries such as

Pakistan, Bangladesh and India, divorce is almost unthinkable because divorce is not even

allowed in their cultures. Thus, it is important for both parents to ensure that the arranged

marriage couples are carefully matched based on the factors such as background,

characteristics, culture, financial strength, language, life goals, morals, religions, similar

lifestyle, social status and values, so the risk of incompatibility is completely eliminated.

Furthermore, there are strong supports from both families of the arranged marriage couples to

begin their future life easier. As a result, both families of the arranged marriage couples will

make sure that the arranged marriage couples will have a lasting relationship and better

financial security by arranging the best spouse for them and manage their financial plans

before the couples get married.

Finally, arranged marriages will produce more lasting marriages is because the

commitment is strong between the couples of arranged marriage (Bentley, 2011). The

arranged marriage couples will love each other as the time goes by because they strongly

believed that their parents chose the best partners for them, and they are fated to be together.

Therefore, they accepted the arrangement as a fate which makes them willing to commit for

each other and eventually the marriage will last longer. For example, most of the arrange

marriage couples are creating a strong foundation of love, understanding and trust as they get

along together for a long time. However, there some people who think that arranged

marriages will cause blaming problems such as blaming their parents for arranging an

unsuitable spouse for them. They claim that couples from arranged marriage will blame their

parents once they encounter any kind of conjugal disharmony (Sujon, 2013). In fact, the

arranged marriage couples get emotional supports from their parents (Arranged Marriage

Advantages and Disadvantages, n.d.). This is because their parents would try their very best

to make their children happy and keep the relationships between them strong and alive.

Parents and extended family members are more willing to help the arranged marriage couples

by giving advice from their life experiences especially in making major decisions of life. With

such a strong parental supports, they won’t leave each other when times get harder especially

when they face life problems and it brings them closer to each other. For instance, when life

gets more challenging, they view it as a parcel of life especially when they face injury or

trauma and stay together till the end.

As a conclusion, arranged marriage usually withstands the test of time since the

decision of marriage has been rationally made by both parents (Ji, 2010). Since the bride was

chosen carefully and with consideration by all means, usually the mother-in-law is more

likely to regard the bride as her own daughter and also the best life partner for her son. In an

arranged marriage, husband and wife are most likely to share the similarity of their

background, having the same cultures and religions, and sharing the same memories of their

growing ups. All these will help to build a stronger relationship and deep love between the

arranged marriage couples. No doubt, both love and arranged marriages have problems, but

the difference is in the way they are portrayed and approached. Arranged marriages are

usually more pragmatic, and there is also a downside because no matter how pragmatic

people are when they choose a partner, chemistry played an important role in a relationship

(Bentley, 2011).

References:

Arranged Marriage Advantages and Disadvantages. (n.d.).

Retrieved July 19, 2015, from http://www.geomarriage.com/shadi-guide/arranged-

marriage-advantages-and-disadvantages.html

Arranged Marriage Advantages and Disadvantages List. (2015).

Retrieved July 8, 2015, from http://thenextgalaxy.com/arranged-marriage-advantages-

and-disadvantages-list/

Arranged Marriage Pros and Cons. (2014).

Retrieved June 16, 2015, from http://apecsec.org/arranged-marriage-pros-and-cons/#

Arranged marriage. (n.d.).

Retrieved June 16, 2015, from Wikipedia:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arranged_marriage

Bentley. (2011). Why an arranged marriage ‘is more likely to develop into lasting love’.

Retrieved June 16, 2015, from http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1363176/Why-

arranged-marriage-likely-develop-lasting-love.html#ixzz3Akd1qNSd

Does marriage carry the risk of losing one’s identity? (2013).

Retrieved July 20, from http://www.quora.com/Does-marriage-carry-the-risk-of-losing-

ones-identity-If-so-is-it-worth-it#

Ji, Y. (2010). Religion and Culture.

Retrieved July 20, 2015, from https://artifactsjournal.missouri.edu/2010/01/the-gate-to-

marriage-benefits-and-detriments-of-arranged-marriage-in-firoozeh-dumas/

Queano, S. (n.d.). Advantages and Disadvantages of Arranged Marriages.

Retrieved July 8, 2015, from http://www.professorshouse.com/relationships/marriage-

advice/articles/advantages-and-disadvantages-of-arranged-marriages/

Sujon, P. (2013). Love Marriage vs Arranged Marriage: Advantages & Disadvantages.

Retrieved July 8, 2015, from http://sujonhera.com/love-marriage-vs-arranged-marriage-

advantages-disadvantages/

Viswanathan, B. (2012).

Retrieved June 16, 2015, from http://www.quora.com/Do-arranged-marriages-in-India-

really-work