12 m a p s • v o l u m e x v i i n u m b e r 2 • a u t u m n 2 o o 7

ometimes, my work seems to begthe question of people: Where doesthis come from? And the answer

may be: from a process of self-discoveryand personal inquisitiveness. Aren’t therevisionary states involved? Don’t you gethigh? I mean, how does anybody thinkthis stuff up? In short: Yes and no. Mostlyjust breathing and being.

Psychedelics have helped to open meup to the possibilities contained withinmy own psyche, have helped me to gainsome understanding of the presence that isoutside of myself, and have given morethan just a little push toward understand-ing that those two things are one in thesame. Of course, yoga has helped this too.As has meditation, walks along the beach,dancing, painting, in short: LivingConsicously. My work is born from apractice of continual self-discovery andbeing open to the messages that are beingspoken by the universe.

Psychedelics are helpful in uncoveringthe layers of the self. In my early twentiesthey helped to blast open the doors. But, sodid the music, the dancing and the intensemotivations. What I mean to say is whathas already been said before: set andsetting are as important to the process asthe drug itself. Your very own mind helpsto provide that set and setting. This iswhere intentions find importance. A solidspiritual practice based on compassion andwisdom (not dogma) is more than justuseful, it is intrinsic to the process. Oncethat self, that identity, has been uncov-ered, the actual work of deconditioningand deconstructing can begin. Until wehave pulled the wool away from our eyesand truly looked at our minds and heartsas they are and not as we would like themto be can we really begin to make anyprogress on this path of self discovery.

Focus was the first painting I painted.I’d done nothing but move, party, seepeople, women, etc, for months and I wasa frenzied burning flame that needed tosettle, ground out, and, well, get focused. Ihad grand visions inside myself, I could

Editor’s note:

After we settled on “Focus”for the front cover of thisissue, we invited its creator,the artist Michael Brown,to write an article onpsychedelics, self-discovery,and art. We were amazedat Michael’s profoundresponse, and to learnthat “Focus” was actuallyMichael’s first painting.

feel them reeling about in there, allscreaming to be let out, but that processrequires stillness and presence of mind. Inan exercise in catharsis, I let loose into thecanvas, and all the fire and wind pouredout until the clear line appeared. Thewriting on the wall, in the flames,emerged and dashed itself across myvision.

Shortly thereafter I went to New YorkCity for a business trip with a businesspartner of mine. We stayed in downtownManhattan at the Sheraton way up abovethe noisy city streets. After a couple daysof work we each took a liberal amount ofLSD and went to the MOMA, that vault ofModern Art, to pay homage to the mastersof the previous century.

The acid came on strong and prettysoon I was standing in awe before Monet’sthree panels of clouds and water lilies. Atthat time it was located in the five storyatrium opposite Barnett Newmans’“Broken Obelisk.” I went to the third,fourth and fifth floors so I could get abetter view of the painting, only to haveto head back down to standing 12 inchesin front of it again just to examine thetexture and details. It opened up beforeme, blasting open my mind. I saw the truedepth of this masterpiece, the vastlifetimes contained with in it, the mul-tiple moments of NOW. The sadness andawe, romance, war, faces, memories,French powder rooms and uptightsummer garden parties, every face ofevery person I have ever known. It was ajaw-droppingly inspiring experiencebecause this artist, in a painting with asubject matter so simple, managed tocapture the infinite.

But it opened my mind a bit TOOmuch. I was cracked open, and, by doingso, the demons that had been hiding,lurking in dungeons, locked away for toolong, were set loose in the corridors of mymind. I spent the next six hours in ourhotel room, dying, being reborn, passingout to fall slam! to the floor, livingthrough multiple realities, coming back,

Art, Being, and Self-DiscoveryMichael Brown

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m a p s • v o l u m e x v i i n u m b e r 2 • a u t u m n 2 o o 7 13

still in the hotel room, going nuts with thedemons of my mind. I always droppedback inside, back to breathing, back tofocusing on the path.

Afterwards, while room service didn’thave too difficult of a time cleaning up theroom, it took me a while to pick up thepieces of my mind. While some might findsuch an experience frightening enough tonever touch psychedelics again, this iswhere I find psychedelics to be the mostuse and where they inform my creativeprocess the most. There are many peoplewho decide that, since some demon rearedits head, or they saw some ugly part ofthemselves they would rather forgetabout, then the ‘fun’ isn’t there, and,therefore, the drug is not a good thing totake. Or, they say, “I had a bad trip once…”or “It was too much once.” I bet it was. Ittakes some time to really lift the veil, and,if we don’t go in with the right intentions,it is liable to happen against our will. Afterall, it is our will holding down the veil tobegin with. Many times, people dive intopsychedelics because they promisediversion.

e could go all over the place out there in the world, and completely

deny that any of it has to do with us. Butwhen it comes to our own minds, there isno denying what lies there. That inabilityto disassociate from the actual stuffmaking up our identities is where it getsscary for some people. In reality, this iswhen the medicine is finally working.

Psychedelics are a tool to help unlockdoorways that seem otherwise obscured oreven hidden. Once opened it takes astrong will to work with what is uncov-ered. When we come back here, to thisnow, we cannot always assume that thework we did while high is complete. Wewill uncover a demon perhaps that haslurked there since before we were evenborn. Or we may uncover vast untoldtreasures of bliss. One way or another,it is up to us to integrate these newfoundconcepts into our lives.

Here is where my work as an artist ismost relevant to my spiritual path. Thecreative process helps me to explore myself, my visions, my personal experiencesand my relationship to the divine. I don’tmake artwork as a recreation of somehallucination. And I don’t takepsychedelics merely to have a vision whilein an altered state. Rather, psychedelics aretools to help with the uncovering of thelayers of the self and their relationships tothe rest of the world. Art is a way to bothcontinue exploring those layers andrelationships and to seek out new ones.

Still, though, there is a third compo-nent that, without it, the other two of artand psychedelics are like a map and acompass without any North or South polesto align themselves to. That third tool ismeditation. In meditation, we set inten-tions, we dig up our dirt, we explorerelationships of thoughts and emotionsand reactions, we pay attention to our-selves and our relationship to the world atlarge. Painting and psychedelics are a partof the same path for me, but both areuseless as forms of self-discovery withoutthe simple practice of meditation. Medita-tion is how we learn to relate to ourselvesat a very simple level.

If we just take our body, plop it downon a pillow, sit for a while, all sorts ofthings come up in our minds. Now, if wewere to do that for two, three, four days —suddenly we have some food for thought.Suddenly, it won’t quiet down. And whocan keep a straight face then?

So we learn how to breathe. How tosit. How to walk or stand still. Throughyoga we learn how to hold ourselves, howto sit, how to stand. Through meditationwe learn how to navigate our minds.Then, once in a while, it’s good to rockthe boat a little, see what is hiding inthere, and remind ourselves why we dowhat we do.

This process of learning how to be ahuman being: that is the process of self-discovery. •

Once opened

it takes

a strong will

to work with

what is

uncovered.

w