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Attraction and Close Relationships
Social Psychology
Why do we form close relationships?
The Need to Belong
Basic human motivation- Harlow’s monkeys
Those with a network of close social ties tend to be happier, healthier, and more satisfied with life.
Affiliation
Need for Affiliation: Desire to establish social contact with others.
Stress arouses our need for affiliation
The Agony of Loneliness
A feeling of deprivation about social relations*Times of transition or disruption*Loneliest=18 to 30 years old
How do we choose our relationships?
Perspectives on Attraction
Behaviorism- Attraction to others with whom a relationship is directly or indirectly rewarding
Evolutionary- Patterns of attraction favor the conception, birth, and survival of their offspring
The Proximity Effect
The single best predictor of attraction is physical proximity, or nearness
Where we live influences the friends we make College students tend to date those who
live either nearby or in the same type of housing as they do
The Mere Exposure Effect
The more often we are exposed to a stimulus, the more we come to like that stimulus
Physical Attractiveness
We react more favorably to others who are physically attractive than to those who are not
Bias for beauty is pervasive
Objective Quality?
Are certain faces are inherently more attractive than others?
High levels of agreement for facial ratings across ages and cultures- Symmetry
http://science.howstuffworks.com/life/35976-science-of-sex-appeal-facial-symmetry-importance-video.htm
Babies prefer faces considered attractive by adults
Subjective Quality?
Ideal body shapes vary across cultures, as well as among racial groups within a culture
Standards of beauty change over time
Situational factors can influence judgments of beauty
Why Are We Blinded by Beauty?
Rewarding to be in the company of people who are aesthetically appealing?
Tendency to associate physical attractiveness with other desirable qualities What-is-beautiful-is-good stereotype
The Physical Attractiveness Stereotype
People within a culture, assume that attractive people have the traits that are valued by that culture
Lessons begin early – how many ugly heroes are there in children’s tales vs. the number of ugly villains?
How important is intelligence?
Men and women differ in this criterion for sexual partners
But not for long-term partners
Kenrick, Sadalla, Groth, & Trost (1990) Kenrick, Sadalla, Groth, & Trost (1990) Kenrick, Groth, Trost & Sadalla (1993)Kenrick, Groth, Trost & Sadalla (1993)
Students in these series of studies were Students in these series of studies were asked:asked: What is the minimum percentile of What is the minimum percentile of
intelligence you would accept in intelligence you would accept in considering someone for:considering someone for:A DATEA DATEA SEXUAL PARTNERA SEXUAL PARTNERA ONE NIGHT STANDA ONE NIGHT STANDA STEADY DATING PARTNERA STEADY DATING PARTNERA MARRIAGE PARTNERA MARRIAGE PARTNER
Women desire slightly above Women desire slightly above average for a single dateaverage for a single date
Minimum Intelligence DesiredMinimum Intelligence Desired
DATEDATE
AVERAGEAVERAGE
50th50th%ile%ile
DATEDATE SEXSEX MARRIAGEMARRIAGE
And want more And want more with increasing with increasing commitmentcommitment
STEADYSTEADY
50th50th%ile%ile
DATEDATE SEXSEX MARRIAGEMARRIAGE
Men have similar criteria Men have similar criteria for datesfor dates
STEADYSTEADY
DATEDATE SEXSEX STEADYSTEADY MARRIAGEMARRIAGE
And for long-term matesAnd for long-term mates
DATEDATE SEXSEX STEADYSTEADY MARRIAGEMARRIAGE
But men’s criteria But men’s criteria are considerably are considerably lower for sexual lower for sexual partnerspartners
DATEDATE SEXSEX STEADYSTEADY MARRIAGEMARRIAGE
The differences are The differences are even more pronounced even more pronounced for one-night standsfor one-night stands
First Encounters: Liking Others Who Are Similar
We tend to associate with others who are similar to ourselves… Byrne (1971):
We like people who we perceive as having similar attitudes to our own
Do Opposites Attract?
Is there support for the complementarity hypothesis, which holds that people seek others whose needs “oppose” their own? Research shows that complementarity does
not influence attraction
First Encounters: Liking Others Who Like Us
Heider (1958): People prefer relationships that are psychologically balanced Mutual exchange between what one gives and what
one receives Liking is mutual, which is why we tend to like
others who indicate that they like us
First Encounters: Pursuing Those Who Are Hard to Get
Does the hard-to-get effect exist? We prefer people who are moderately
selective to those who are nonselective or too selective.
We are turned off by those who reject us.
How can a relationship be defined?
List as many features of love as you can in three minutes….
Defining Features of Love
Beverly Fehr (1988) asked students to list as many features of love as they could in 3 minutes.Students lists commonly included:
caring happiness friendship warmth trust commitment euphoria sexual passion heart rate increases
Intimate Relationships
Often involve three basic components: Feelings of attachment, affection, and love. The fulfillment of psychological needs. Interdependence between partners, each of
whom has a meaningful influence on the other.
Are There Different Varieties of Love?
Not all types of “love” involve same mix of passion, intimacy, and commitment…Passionate love
A state of intense longing for union with anotherCompanionate love
Affection and tenderness for those whose lives are entwined with our own
Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love
Would You Marry Someone if You Were Not in Love?
0
10
20
30
40
50
60
70
80
Percentage Saying Yes
1967 1986
American Students Surveyed
Men
Women
Cultural Variations in Willingness to Marry Without Love
0
10
20
30
40
50
60
Percentage
UnitedStates
Australia England India Pakistan
Companionate Love: The Self-Disclosure in It
Form of affection found between close friends as well as lovers
Less intense than passionate love But in some respects it is deeper and more
enduring Characterized by high levels of self-
disclosure
Attributions and Quality of Relationship
Happy couples tend to make relationship-enhancing attributions
Unhappy couples tend to make distress-maintaining attributions
THE TERMINATION OF RELATIONSHIPS
Relationship Issues: Breaking Up
Relationship Issues: Breaking Up
A relationship is likely to be long-lasting when the couple: Has incorporated each other into one’s self Has become interdependent and have
invested much into the relationship But these factors also intensify stress
and make coping more difficult after the relationship ends
CAUSES OF RELATIONSHIP DISSOLUTION BREAKDOWN IN COMMUNICATION LOSS OF SHARED GOALS/INTERESTS DESIRE FOR INDEPENDENCE SEXUAL AND/OR INTIMACY PROBLEMS ROLE STRAIN MONEY CHILDREN INFIDELITY/LOYALTY ISSUES ALCOHOL/DRUG ABUSE