Bridging the gap through self-advocacy · 2019-06-26 · Peer-to-Peer: Bridging the Gap Through Self-Advocacy Sexual Violence Track-Leader Manual Page | 5 EMOTIONALLY HARD The topics

Bridging the gap through self-advocacy

Sexual Violence Track-Leader Guide

Peer-to-Peer: Bridging the Gap Through Self-Advocacy

Sexual Violence Track-Leader Manual Page | 2

© Vera Institute of Justice, Center on Victimization and Safety June 2017

All rights reserved. All rights reserved. The reproduction or use of this document in any form or by any electronic, mechanical, or other means in connection with instruction is permitted. Content changes are forbidden without the written permission of Vera Institute of Justice, Center on Victimization and Safety.

Funder Statement

This project was supported by Grant No. 2011-TA-AX-K004 awarded by the Office on Violence Against Women, U.S. Department of Justice. The opinions, finding, conclusions and recommendations expressed in this publication are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the views of the Department of Justice, Office on Violence Against Women.



TABLE OF CONTENTS

Table of Contents 3

Emotionally hard 5

Class 1: Sexual Violence 101 6

Welcome 8

Class review 9

Icebreaker 10

Consent and sexual violence 12

History of the anti-rape movement 19

Rape culture 23

Closing 29

Class 2: Sexual violence and people with disabilities 30

Welcome 32

Class review 33

Icebreaker 35

Sexual violence and people with disabilities 37

Risks 40

Debriefing 49

Closing 50

Class 3: How can a peer supporter help someone who has experienced sexual violence? (Part 1) 51

Welcome 53

Class review 54

Icebreaker 56

The victim 58

How a peer supporter can help? 64

Blaming the victim 69



Dos and don’ts 71

Story discussion 75

Closing 81

Class 4: How can a peer supporter help someone who has experienced sexual violence? (Part 2) 82

Welcome 84

Icebreaker 86

What to do when someone tells you they have been sexual assaulted 87

More things you can do 94

Closing 104



EMOTIONALLY HARD

The topics that we talk about in this curriculum can be difficult for some

people to talk about and hear about. The emotional safety of the class

leaders and class participants is very important.

The class material can bring up bad

memories and cause people to get upset.

If anyone becomes too upset about the

material you are encouraged to get

assistance from someone you trust and

come back to finish the class at another

time.

Class 1: Sexual Violence 101



CLASS GOALS

1. Define sexual violence

2. History of rape crisis movement

3. Learn how rape culture impacts victims

MATERIALS

NEEDED

Sign-in sheet

Computer with internet connection

Projector to show video from computer

AGENDA

1. Review of last class 5 minutes

2. Welcome and Icebreaker 10 minutes

3. Consent and sexual violence with video 15 minutes

4. Break 10 minutes

5. History of the anti-rape movement with videos 25

minutes

6. Break 10 minutes

7. Rape Culture with video 15 minutes

8. Self-check and closing 5 minutes

Reference: Page 7



WELCOME

Class leader will need to find out if they are mandated

reporters. You can look up your local Adult Protective

Services program and whom is required to report by going

to the National Adult Protective Services website at:

http://www.napsa-now.org/get-help/help-in-your-area/

*If you find out that you are a mandated reporter you should

tell people this before the class. If a class member talks

about an abuse they may have experienced, as a

mandated reporter you would have to contact Adult

Protective Services.

Have class members take the pre-test before starting class

Welcome back everyone. Today we will be talking about

sexual violence. This can be a hard topic to hear. Be sure

that you use the plan you created last time if it starts getting

to hard. We always want to make sure that everyone is ok,

so if you need to leave the room for a while, feel free.

Any questions? Ok, Before we get started I wanted do a

quick review of our last class.

http://www.napsa-now.org/get-help/help-in-your-area/



CLASS REVIEW

5 minutes

Our last class was “The history of people with disabilities in

the United States” we learned about different periods in our

history. We discussed how when the pilgrims first arrived no

one with a disability was included. We talked about how

mental illness was seen as being possessed by demons and

how this thinking led to the Salem Witch Trials. We talked

about how as more people came to the United States,

Almshouses were built to house people and people with

disabilities were often among them. We mentioned that

several of those who signed our Declaration of Independence

actually had disabilities. We also learned that in the 1800’s

institutions and freak shows were common. We learned how

the thinking behind the Eugenics Movement was applied to

people with disabilities.

We then learned the disability rights, deinstitutionalization,

de-medicalization, civil rights, the independent living

movement and the self-advocacy movement all work to help

people with disabilities gain equality.

We ended up by talking about stereotypes; prejudice,

discrimination, ableism and audism continue today and lead

to society to normalize abuse against people with disabilities.

Reference: Page 8



ICEBREAKER

Treasure Chest

Before we get started I wanted to do a

short exercise to help us get to know

each other a little better. This is your

personal treasure chest. What one item

would you put in here to save forever?

Tell us about the item:

Where did you get the item? (Was it a

gift or did you buy it?)

Is it something passed down in your

family?

Reference: Page 9-10



Is the item worth more in money or in memories?

Would you ever give this item away? (Whom would you give it to?)

Would you ever sell it or throw it away?

Leader Note:

Leader can go first and then let everyone have a chance to

answer the questions

Leader Script

“Thank you everyone. Now I would like to get us started.

Does anyone have any questions before we begin?”



Reference: Page 11

CONSENT AND SEXUAL VIOLENCE

15 minutes

Leader Script

Consent is giving a “yes.” That yes can be:

Spoken

Signed

Written




Using a communication

device

Nod of the head

However the person gives their “yes”.

The main thing is that the “yes” must be freely given.

Freely given means that the “yes” is not given based on:

Lies




Threats

Force

Bribes

Pressure




Before touching or any

sexual activity both people

need to give a “yes”.

That “yes” can be changed

to a “no” at any time. If one

person does not give a “yes”

or changes their “yes” to a

“no” the touching or sexual

activity must stop.

If it doesn’t, it becomes sexual violence. Sexual violence

uses sex and sexuality to:

Shame




Bully

Control

Create fear in another

person.




Sexual violence includes:

Sexual assault,

Rape, and

Sexual abuse

It can be:

Brushing against the

person in a sexual

way,

Forcing a kiss on

someone,

Removing clothes

without asking,




Forcing a person to

look at pornography or

Sexual touching/acts

you don’t want

Let’s watch a very short video to start our lesson on active

listening.

WATCH VIDEO

About 2 minutes

“What is consent?”

https://youtu.be/kJOKRYbgDh8


https://youtu.be/kJOKRYbgDh8



Ok, let’s take a ten minute break and when you come back

we will move on to the history around the anti-rape

movement.

HISTORY OF THE ANTI-RAPE MOVEMENT

(25 minutes with videos)

Welcome back. We are now going to talk about the history of the

anti-rape movement. I want to go back in a time a little further than

that to help you see how far we have come.

For a very long time women were considered property. As children

she would belong to her father. Then after she was married she

belonged to her husband.

Women could not get divorced. If her

husband had an affair the law protected

him. If the woman had an affair it was

different. She could be sold. Just like

cows and horses could be sold. The law

protected the men. This included laws

about rape. Rape was not considered a

crime against the woman; it was a crime

against the father or husband.

Reference: Page 22



For a very long time women were not

allowed to vote. In the 1800’s they

began to fight for this right.

In 1920 women won the right to vote.

In the 1960-1970s women began to

fight for other rights. The women’s

movement wanted:

Equal pay,

Equal opportunities,

Removal of sexism in the media,

Abortion rights, and

To bring awareness to domestic

and sexual violence

Events were held to bring attention to

sexual violence. Women spoke about

their experience of sexual violence at

these events.




In 1972 the Bay Area Women Against Rape in Berkeley, California

opened. They provided counseling to sexual assault survivors.

They also went with victims through the law enforcement and

medical systems.

The first rape crisis center was also opened in 1972. The

Washington D.C. Rape Crisis Center began running a crisis line for

victims of sexual violence. There are now rape crisis centers

across the country.

The National Organization for Women (NOW) worked on changing

laws, like:

They helped to make it illegal for a spouse to rape his/her

spouse

They wrote a law that limited the use of a victim’s sexual

history in court (the rape shield law)

They made it unnecessary for there to be a witness to rape;

They changed the statutory rape laws from age 10 to 12; and

Changed what it means to consent

Reference: Page 25



WATCH VIDEOS

About 8 minutes

“Learning Our Legacy, Part 1”

https://youtu.be/ah7T0Dyros4

About 8 1/2 minutes

“Learning Our Legacy, Part 2”

https://youtu.be/FhCnenjpg1w

Ok, let’s take a ten minute break and when you come back

we will move on to looking at rape culture.


https://youtu.be/ah7T0Dyros4

https://youtu.be/FhCnenjpg1w



RAPE CULTURE

(15 minutes)

Rape Culture is an environment where:

Rape is widespread,

Sexual violence is normalized and

Sexual violence is excused in the media and popular culture

(TV, music, jokes, advertising, etc)

Instead of seeing rape culture as a problem that needs to be

changed people in a rape culture think rape is “just the way things

are.” Let’s watch a short video that will help explain this.

WATCH VIDEO

About 4 minutes

What is rape culture? https://youtu.be/SupUmg566js

Reference: Page 28

https://youtu.be/SupUmg566js



Ok, let’s now talk about what rape culture looks like. In 2012 a rape

happened at Steubenville High School in Ohio. The high-school

girl who had been drinking was publicly and repeatedly sexually

assaulted by her peers. The sexual assault was put on social

media, recorded on cell phones and bragged about on social

Facebook and Twitter.

Two students and high school football

players were convicted in juvenile court

for the rape of a minor. Some members

of the community blamed the girl for her

own rape and blamed her for casting a

negative light on the football team and

town. CNN announced the guilty verdict

but focused on the "promising" lives of

the rapists had been ruined, while

spending very little time focusing on

how the 16-year-old victim would have

to live with what was done to her.

This is an example of rape culture.




In 2015 Stanford University student

Brock Turner sexually assaulted an

unconscious woman behind a

dumpster. During his trial his father said

in the letter to the judge that the 6

months was “A steep price to pay for 20

minutes of action”.

Turner had originally faced up to 14 years in prison. He

was sentenced to only six months in county jail after being

convicted of three felony sexual assault charges and ended up

only serving 3 months.

This is an example of rape culture

Reference: Page 30



In 2012, Todd Akin, a congressman

from Missouri was discussing his anti-

abortion stance and said, “Women who

are victims of legitimate rape don’t

usually become pregnant because the

female body has ways to shut that

whole thing down”.


A 54-year old Montana school teacher

raped a 14-year old student three times

in 2008. He was given a 15 year prison

sentence on Monday with all but only

had to serve 30 days. Judge G. Todd

Baugh stated that the girl was “older

than her chronological age” and was “as

much in control of the situation” as the

middle-aged teacher who repeatedly

raped her.





T-shirts with rape messages

“Keep calm and rape a lot”

“It’s not rape, it is a snuggle with

a struggle”

“If she says no, keep buying her

shots”

This is rape culture.




In 2013 Robin Thicke's song “Blurred

Lines” was released. The lyrics include

“Talk about getting blasted. I hate these

blurred lines. I know you want it, but

you’re a good girl. The way you grab

me. Must want to get nasty” the song is

talking about rape.


Advertising often crosses lines. This

Bud light bottle and vodka billboard are

examples.





These types of things are what make it so hard for victims to come

forward. They are examples of how we blame the victim. They are

examples of how rape is accepted as “just the way things are”.

CLOSING

5 minutes

I know this has been a difficult class. Before we end I want to

check with everyone to see if you want to process anything

we learned today. I want to make sure everyone is ok. If you

have any questions I will be around for a while after the

class. You can also ask them at our next class. Our next

class will be _______.

Please complete the self-check on page 35 and if you need

to talk with me about anything, we can meet.

Class members can fill out their post-test before they leave

Reference: Page 34

Class 2: Sexual violence and people with disabilities



CLASS GOALS

1. Learn how common sexual violence is for people with

disabilities

2. Learn what makes people with disabilities at risk for

sexual violence

3. Learn the effect sexual violence has on people with

disabilities

MATERIALS

NEEDED

Sign-in sheet



AGENDA

1. Review last class 5 minutes


3. Sexual violence and people with disabilities with video

16 minutes

4. Break 10 minutes

5. Risks 24 minutes

6. Break 10 minutes

7. Debriefing 15 minutes

8. Closing 5 minutes

Reference: Page 40



WELCOME

About 5 minutes


Welcome back everyone. Today we will be talking about

sexual violence and people with disabilities. This is another

hard topic. Be sure to use your self-care plan if it gets too

hard. We want to make sure that everyone is ok. Feel free to

leave the room for a while if you need to. Before we get

started I wanted do a quick review of our last class.



CLASS REVIEW

5 minutes

During our last class we discussed some basic things around

sexual assault. The first thing we talked about was consent.

We talked about how consent means that the person says

yes, in whatever way they can. We talked about how consent

cannot be given based on lies, or by using threats, force,

bribes or pressure.

We defined sexual violence as using sex and sexuality to

shame, bully, and control or create fear in another person.

Sexual violence includes sexual assault, rape and sexual

abuse.

We also covered the history of the anti-rape movement, we

talked about how women were considered property until the

1800s, and women didn’t have the right to vote until 1920. In

the 1960-70s women fought for equality and it was during

this time that women began to speak out against rape and

domestic violence.

Reference: Page 41



Even with these issues coming out we still live in a culture

where rape is normalized. We call this Rape Culture. We

gave you a number of examples:

News media feeling sorry for rapist and not the victims,

Judges who hand down verdicts that do not punish

rapist for their crimes,

Politicians who degrade victims for their own agendas,

Musicians who write songs about rape and

The use of sex and sexual violence to sell products

Reference: Page 41



ICEBREAKER

10 minutes

Time Travel

Before we get started I wanted to do a short exercise to help

us get to know each other a little better. Today I thought we

could do something a little different. If you want to write down

your answers there are some worksheets on pages 43 in

your workbooks.

On the other side of this door there is a

clock. The clock looks like this:

Anyone who stands under the clock can

travel through time. If you were to go and

stand under this clock, where would you

want to go?

Would you travel to the future? What

would you do once you were there?

Would you travel back in time? What

would you do once you were there?




Leader Note:

Leader should start. Once the last person talks the leader

can move on to talking about sexual violence against people

with disabilities.

Thank you everyone. Now I would like to get us started.

Does anyone have any questions before we begin?



SEXUAL VIOLENCE AND PEOPLE WITH

DISABILITIES About 10 minutes

Leader script:

Some of the numbers we talk about today are scary. These high

numbers are part of the reason we hold these classes. Some of

you may:

Know someone who have been hurt by sexual violence or

Even have faced this yourselves

One thing we know for sure is that people with I/DD experience

sexual violence more often than people without disabilities1, it was

also found that:

One in four (25%) girls and women with

disabilities that got birth control had

been sexual assaulted2

This picture shows 4 people with

disabilities (using these wheelchair

symbols) and shows one of those pulled

down to show the one who was sexually

assaulted.


1 Eileen M. Furey. Sexual abuse of adults with mental retardation: Who and where. Mental Retardation, 32, 3, (1994):173-180. 2 Dick Sobsey, Violence and abuse in the lives of people with disabilities: The end of silent acceptance? Baltimore: Paul H. Brookes Publishing Co. 1994



Almost half (49%) of people with

disabilities have been sexually abused

more than 10 times3 (if you had 100

people who had been abused in one

room it is possible that 49 of those

people would have been abused more

than 10 times)

This picture show 100 people with

disabilities (using these wheelchair

symbols) and 49 of those 100 people

with disabilities pulled out to show how

many may have been sexual abused 10

or more times.

Children with disabilities are sexually

abused four times more than children

without disabilities4


3 Dick Sobsey and Tanis Doe. Patterns of sexual abuse and assault. Sexuality and Disability, 9 (3), (1991): 243-259. 4 Patricia Sullivan and John Knutson, Maltreatment and disabilities: a population-based epidemiological study. Child Abuse & Neglect Oct;24(10), (2000):1257-73.



Men with disabilities are sexually

abused four times more than men

without disabilities5

Now I want to play a quick video. Some of the words may seem

odd because this video was made in British Columbia.

WATCH VIDEO

About 6 minutes

“Violence against women with disabilities”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EovgP4YXjL8

Ok, I think this is a good time to take a ten minute break. When we

get back we will talk about some of the things that put people with

disabilities at a greater risk of sexual violence.


5 Mitra, M., Mouradian, V.E., & Diamond, M. (2011). Sexual violence victimization against men with disabilities. Journal of Preventive Medicine, 41, 494 – 497.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EovgP4YXjL8



RISKS6 (30 minutes)

Leader script

Welcome back. Now we are going to talk about some things that

put people with disabilities at high risk for sexual violence.

Remember:

Nothing I say is meant to blame the person or their disability

The person who abuses is the one who has done something

wrong and the only one to blame

Any type of disability puts a person in danger of being hurt; this

danger is greater for people:

Who have intellectual and developmental disabilities,

Who have disabilities that make it hard to communicate and

Who have disabilities that make their behavior different7

Reference: Page 47

6 M. Ticoll, Violence and people with disabilities: A review of the literature (Ontario: L’Institut Roeher,

National Clearinghouse on Family Violence, Family Violence Prevention Unit, Health Canada, 1994), http://www.phac-aspc.gc.ca/ncfv-cnivf/publications/fvdisabliterature-eng.php; and Day One: The Sexual Assault and Trauma Resource Center, Rhode Island Coalition Against Domestic Violence and PAL: An Advocacy Organization for Families and People with Disabilities, Is your agency prepared to ACT? Conversation modules to explore the intersection of violence and disability (Advocacy Collaboration Training Initiative, 2004).

7 Patricia Sullivan and John Knutson. The relationship between child abuse and neglect and disabilities: Implications for research and practice. Omaha, NE: Boys Town National Research Hospital 1994.



How society acts toward people with

disabilities

As we discussed in our class on the

history of the United States, our society

often treats people with disabilities:

Unfairly, keeping them from fully

participating in the community

As objects, as if they are not even

human

As if they are:

o Worthless,

o Weak

o Unstable

o Incompetent

The way people with disabilities are treated by others puts them in

danger of sexual violence because:




They are seen as easy targets

Not believed if they report sexual

violence

Not able to testify in court.

Can you think of other ways people may treat you that might put

you at risk?

Give the class a chance to answer before moving on




Isolation of people with disabilities

People with disabilities are often separated from other community

members and this puts them at risk:

People with disabilities may not

have contact with people other

than family, friends and those

providing care

People with disabilities may not go

to work or to places where they

can see other people

People who commit sexual violence like to choose people who are

alone.

People who are alone have a

harder time trying to escape.

When people are alone, it is

harder for them to defend

themselves.

When people are alone, there is

no one around to see what

happens.




Can you think of any other ways being isolated may put you more

at risk?


Barriers: Barriers also keep people isolated and prevent them

from getting help:

No accessible transportation means:

People with disabilities are more

isolated, and

People with disabilities may not be

able to get to a place they can get

help

When the places that offer help are not

accessible, people with disabilities

might not get services




When a person has a disability that

makes it hard to communicate they:

May not be able to ask for help

May not be able to tell their story

The places that offer help may not have:

Interpreters

Assistive technology

When the information about help is not

written so that everyone can read it

people with disabilities may not even

know there is help available

Can you think of any other barriers that people might face that

prevents them from getting help?





Depending on others for care: When

a person with a disability needs others

for their personal care, it increases their

risk of sexual violence

Compliance: A lot of times people who have been in institutions or

in special education have been taught to do what they are told.

They have learned not to say no. They have learned that it is safer

to just go along with what people expect then to stand up for

themselves.

This may make them:

Very trusting

Wanting to please others

Look for approval from others

Wanting to fit in

All of these things put them at risk for sexual violence.

No chance to learn about sexual violence

Many people with disabilities have not been taught sex education.

This means that they may not know:

The difference between a healthy

relationship and an abusive one




The difference between touches

that are ok and those that are not

The words for body parts, which

makes it hard to tell someone

what is happening

Lack of resources

If a person with a disability receives

benefits they may not have extra money

to:

Change caregivers

Have home security

Get away from the person hurting

them or move

Get other help

Can you think of how the lack of money may put someone at risk

or make it hard to get help?





Others have control

When people with disabilities are not

allowed to control parts of their life it

puts them at risk because”

Whenever someone has power

over another person there is a

chance that he/she will not use

that power for the good of the

person

People who use sexual violence

against people with disabilities

take advantage of that unequal

power

Let’s go ahead and take a ten minute break. When you come back

we will take a little time to discuss as a group what we heard today

and yesterday.

Reference: Page 60



DEBRIEFING

15 minutes

These last two classes covered topics that were hard. Let’s take

some time to talk about what we heard and answer any questions

you may have.

Possible prompts to get people talking:

What do you think of the numbers we shared today?

o Are they scary?

o How do they make you feel?

When we talked about the things that put people at risk, do

they make sense to you?

o Do you agree with them?

o Do you think that there are other risks?

When we talked about the rape crisis movement, do you see

any overlap in beliefs with the self-advocacy movement?

When we talked about rape culture, have you heard this term

before?

o Have you seen or heard about these things

happening?




CLOSING

5 minutes










Class 3: How can a peer supporter help someone who has experienced sexual violence? (Part 1)



CLASS GOALS

1. Learn what you will be doing as peer supporters

2. Learn how their own experiences can influence how

they work with others

MATERIALS

NEEDED

Sign-in sheet



AGENDA



3. The Victim 15 minutes

4. Break 10 minutes

5. How a peer supporter can help 5 minutes

6. Blaming the victim with video 10 minutes

7. Does and don’ts 10 minutes

8. Break 10 minutes

9. Story Discussion 15 minutes

10. Closing 5 minutes

Reference: Page 64



WELCOME

5 minutes


During our last class, we talked about sexual violence and

people with disabilities. Today we will be talking about how a

peer supporter can help someone who has experienced

sexual violence. Before we get started I wanted do a quick

review of our last class.



CLASS REVIEW

About 5 minutes

Leader Script

The last time we met we learned about sexual violence and

people with disabilities. We saw that people with disabilities

experience a high rate of sexual violence and are often

sexually assaulted more than once. Children and men with

disabilities are more likely to be sexually assaulted than their

peers without disabilities are. We talked about how certain

types of disabilities put people at greater risk, including

people with intellectual and developmental disabilities,

people who have difficulty communicating and people whose

disabilities make their behavior different.

The way our society acts towards people with disabilities and

how they see people with disabilities puts them at greater

risk. Other things that put people with disabilities at greater

risk are:

Isolation

Lack of accessible transportation

Inaccessible service providers,

Communication barriers,

Reference: Page 65



Depending on others for care

Compliance

Lack of education on healthy relationships and sex

education

Lack of resources, and

Lack of control over parts of their lives.

Reference: Page 65



ICEBREAKER

10 minutes

Before we start why don’t we go ahead and learn a little more

about each other by finding out about our best friends. You

do not have to use their real first name if you don’t want to. If

you want to write down your answers there are some

worksheets on page 67-68 in your workbooks.

My Best Friend

My best friend is [name or fake name]. We have been friends

for [number of years]. We met at [talk about how and where

you met]. We do things together like [tell some of the things

you have done together]. [Name or fake name] is my best

friend because [talk about why this person is your best

friend].




Leader Note:

Leader should start. Once the last person talks the leader

can move on to talking about how you can support someone

who has been hurt.

Thank you everyone. Now I would like to get us started.

Does anyone have any questions before we begin?



THE VICTIM 8

(15 minutes)

Before we begin looking at the ways you, as peer supporters can

help someone who has experienced sexual violence, it may be

helpful for you to understand the effect that sexual violence has on

the victim. Sexual violence is very harmful. There can be long

lasting damage to:

The person’s body,

Their emotional well-being and

The way the person acts.

Remember: some people may experience these because of

sexual violence and some may not. Everyone’s reaction is

different. Some people may have these even if they have not

experiences sexual violence, peers should find out if what they are

experiencing is new to person since the sexual violence.

Effects on the person’s body

The person who was sexually assaulted can:

Reference: Page 69

8 Dick Sobsey, Violence and abuse in the lives of people with disabilities: The end of silent acceptance? Baltimore: Paul H. Brookes Publishing Co. 1994



Become pregnant,

Get a sexually transmitted

diseases, and

Be hurt, bruised, cut, broken

bones, etc.

Sexual violence can continue to create problems with the person’s

body if they begin having:

Stomachaches,




Headaches,

Seizures and

Problems sleeping because of the

sexual violence

Emotional damage

The emotional damage that sexual violence causes include:




Depression,

Anxiety, panic attacks,

Low self-esteem, shame, guilt,

Fear, and the feeling that no one

can be trusted

Reference: Page 72



These things can go on for years and years. If they get bad enough

the person may need to go to a therapist to help them.

Behavior changes

Behavior changes after a sexual assault is also common, for

example the person may:

Hurt him/herself or try to kill

him/herself

Not want to be around other

people or talk to other people and

start spending more time alone

Become aggressive towards other

people, and even try to sexually

abuse another person




This is a lot. While you may not be able to help with all of these

things, you can help with a lot. Ok, let’s take a ten minute break

and when you come back we will begin discussing some of the

things that you can do to help.



HOW A PEER SUPPORTER CAN HELP?

About 5 minutes

Leader Script

If you remember back to the first class we talked about the role you

have as a peer supporter is to LISTEN and BELIEVE when

someone comes to you for help.

Be their friend.

When the person comes to you they

should not feel that they have to prove

anything.

They should be able to get your support

because they asked.




You should not:

o Question what they are

saying is true

o Blame them for what

happened

o Judge them for what

happened or what they did

or didn’t do.

Remember: You may be the only

person who believes what the person

says.

This is especially important for people

who have experienced sexual violence

because of what we talked about a

couple of classes ago, and that is rape

culture.

Reference: Page 75



Loss of control: “Give back control” demonstration

Leader Note: Leader can demonstrate how a peer can give back

control to a victim. Leader should ask someone to volunteer by

coming and sitting in the front of the room, an empty chair should

be placed next to them; leader should have 2 glasses of water

sitting next to the chair. Leader should approach the volunteer as if

they are meeting for the first time.

Leader Script:

Leader approaches the volunteer,

stands by the empty chair, and says:

“Is it ok if I sit down?”

“Thank you” Leader sits down

“How are you today?” (Let the

volunteer talk for a bit)

Reference: Page 76



“Would you mind if I took notes?”

(Wait for answer)

“I need to get my paper and pen, is it

ok if I go get those now?”

Leader stands up, goes to get paper

and pen, and comes back

“Is it ok with you if I have a glass of

water as well?” (Leader picks up their

glass))

“Thank you, would you like a glass of

water?” (If yes, hand the volunteer a

glass of water)

When someone has experienced something bad he/she might feel

a loss of control.

What did I do during the demonstration?

Answers to look for:

Gave the volunteer choices

Allowed the volunteer a chance to decide on and change

what the leader was doing

Allowed the volunteer to set up the meeting in a way they

he/she would be comfortable

Gave the volunteer control




You can give the individual who

experienced something back, some of

that control back. You can do this by:

Not telling them what to do

Letting them make their own

decisions

Remember you are not there to rescue

the person.

We want to help the individual take back

the power and control they lost from the

violence by providing them with the

information they need to do things

themselves.

Peer supporters can give the person

information, tools, resources, and the

chance to restore their own power

through support, community and by

celebrating their strengths.




BLAMING THE VICTIM

About 10 minutes

Leader Script

Blaming the person who has been hurt

is common.

People do this because they like to think

that good things happen to good people

and bad things happen to bad people.

If bad things happen to good people

then no one is safe.

Often the person that was hurt will

blame himself or herself. This makes it

even easier to place blame on the

person since they are doing it

themselves.

Unfortunately, blaming the person for

the bad thing that happened keeps

them from getting help. It keeps them

from talking about it to others and

allows them to continue to blame

themselves.




News reporters, friends, family, defense

attorneys and even politicians will make

remarks about people who have been

abused that suggest it is the fault of the

person who was hurt and not blame the

person who committed the crime.

We are going to watch a short 5 minute video that talks about

blaming the victim called “She asked for it”.

WATCH VIDEO

About 5 minutes

“She asked for it”

https://youtu.be/dzwYptfRwTg


https://youtu.be/dzwYptfRwTg



DOS AND DON’TS9

10 minutes

Leader Script:

When supporting someone there are

good things for you to do and say.

There are also things that you might say

or do that are not helpful. Let’s talk first

about the things that are not helpful.

You don’t want to say or do something that seems like you are

blaming the person for the abuse. Questions like these tend to

blame the victim:

Why didn’t you scream, fight or run?


9 Keener A. Tippin. What to say and not to say: How to help a victim/survivor of sexual abuse. K-State Perspectives. September 2005 Retrieved from https://www.k-state.edu/media/webzine/Didyouhearyes/whattosay.html

https://www.k-state.edu/media/webzine/Didyouhearyes/whattosay.html

https://www.k-state.edu/media/webzine/Didyouhearyes/whattosay.html



What were you wearing?

Were you drinking?

Why did you walk alone at night?

Telling the person what you would

have done is also not helpful.




Making the person tell you all the

details of the crime is not helpful.

It is also not helpful if you stop the

person from talking about the

crime if they want to tell you.

The most important thing a peer

supporter can say to someone who has

been hurt is:

"I'm glad you're alive."

"It's not your fault."

"You did the best you could."

"I'm sorry this happened."




Peer supporters need to be good

listeners. You can show your support by

standing close to the survivor and

touching them (with their permission) to

show you are there. This may be a hug,

or putting your hand on their arm.

You can help the person get help by

giving them phone numbers and

information about local programs.

The person may feel guilty. Remind

them that what happened was not their

fault. Tell them that no one asks to be or

deserves to be hurt.

Be honest, tell the person that it is not

going to be easy, most of what they are

feeling is temporary, and recovery is

possible.

Ok, let’s take a ten minute break and once you come back we will

read off some stories and talk about different responses.




STORY DISCUSSION

20 minutes

Leader Script

Welcome back, no I am going to read off a couple of stories. Once

I am done, some of you can read of the different responses. After

each response is read, we will discuss what makes the response

good or bad. Are you ready? Ok here is the first story.

“Mary tells you that a good-looking man

came on to her at work.

He was waiting for her when she

finished work for the night. He asked

her out for dinner and she accepted.

As they were walking to the restaurant,

they passed his apartment and he said

he needed to get his wallet.




Mary followed him to his apartment and

once inside he grabbed her and tried to

kiss her.”

Now I would like to provide some possible responses to Mary, can

someone read the first response?

Response #1: “You are lucky nothing worse happened”

What do you think about this response to Mary?

Is it a good response? Why?

Is it a bad response? Why?

This response suggests that what Mary went through was not

“bad” enough. That in order to get your support she needed to

suffer more than she did. This of course would not be true.

Can someone read the second response?

Response #2: “You went out with a complete stranger?”




This response is telling Mary that she did something wrong. It

blames Mary for what happened. Mary is probably blaming herself

so it would be better to let her know that it is not her fault.




Can someone read the third response?

Response #3: “I am so sorry that happened, this was not your

fault”




This response shows Mary that you still respect her. It sends the

message that you support her. It also shows that you are not

blaming Mary for what happened. It might also be helpful for Mary

to hear since she might be blaming herself.

Can someone read the last response?

Response #4: “That happened to me once; I kicked him and

ran away. What did you do?”




Comparing your experience and actions to Mary’s is not helpful.

Mary likely thinks that you are not really listening to her. This

response may cause Mary to think that she did not do enough to

make it stop.

Ok let’s leave Mary now and I will read off our next story.




“Mike comes to you and tells you that

yesterday his personal care worker

John came into the bathroom and

started to touch him while he was

peeing. I told him to stop and he

wouldn’t. When I was done I was able to

get away from him by going into the

other room”

He then said, “John was mad at me and

ignored me the rest of the day. I don’t

know what to do. It made me feel sick.”

Now I would like to provide some possible responses to Mike, can

someone read the first response?

Response #1: “Man, I didn’t know you were gay.”

What do you think about this response to Mike?



This response is based on a myth. Sexual assault has nothing to

do with the sexual orientation of the victim. Mike may be

questioning himself, feeling weak for not fighting back. You want to

make sure he knows that this is not his fault.




Can someone read the second response?

Response #2: “Is John the tall guy that comes in the morning

or the short dark haired guy? I really like him.”




Asking Mike this question makes it seem like you are not really

listening to what he is saying. It also ignores the real issue, which

is that Mike was sexually assaulted

Can someone read the third response?

Response #3: “Fire him. If someone did that to me I would

have my brothers go and take care of him”




This type of decision is not as simple as simply firing John because

Mike needs his help and would need to find a replacement. Telling

Mike what you would do is not helpful. Instead you should help

Mike to consider all of his options and choose the option that feels

right and safe for him.

Can someone read the last response?




Response #4: “What you are describing is sexual assault. No

one has the right to touch you without your consent. I know

about some places that can help you would you like to hear

about them?”




This response puts a name on what Mike is experiencing. It also

conveys that it is not his fault. It shows that you are listening and

supporting him. Putting the blame on the personal care worker,

where it belongs.

Reference: Page 103



CLOSING

5 minutes










Class 4: How can a peer supporter help someone who has experienced sexual violence? (Part 2)



CLASS GOALS

1. Learn about what to do when someone tells you they

have experienced sexual violence

MATERIALS

NEEDED

Sign-in sheet



AGENDA



3. What to do when someone tells you they have been

sexual assaulted 20 minutes

4. Break 10 minutes

5. More things you can do 25 minutes with video

6. Break 10 minutes

7. Videos 10 minutes

8. Self-check and closing 5 minutes

Reference: Page 134



WELCOME

About 5 minutes


Welcome back everyone. Today we will continue talking

about helping someone who has experienced sexual

violence. Be sure to use your self-care plan if it gets too hard.

We want to make sure that everyone is ok. Feel free to leave

the room for a while if you need to. Before we get started I

wanted do a quick review of our last class.



CLASS REVIEW 5 minutes

The last time we met we learned about helping someone who

has experienced sexual violence. We talked about some of

the effects sexual assault has on a person like:

On their body (pregnancy, sexually transmitted

diseases, injuries)

Emotional damage (depression, anxiety, fear)

Behavior changes (hurting themselves, isolating

themselves, hurting someone else)

As a peer supporter your role is to LISTEN and BELIEVE.

When someone comes to you, as a peer you can be their

friend, avoid making them have to prove anything to you,

providing them with support and not blaming or judging them.

We also talked about how victims often feel a loss of control

and we demonstrated some of the ways that you can give

control back to the victim.

Blaming the victim is very common and as peers we need to

make sure that we don’t do or say anything that makes it

seem like you are blaming the person for getting hurt.

We talked about questions and things that tend to blame the

victim and are not helpful. We also talked about things you

can say and do that are helpful.

Reference: Page



ICEBREAKER

10 minutes

Magical Bench

Before we get started I wanted to do a

short exercise to help us get to know

each other a little better. This is a

magical bench. When you sit on it you

can wish for anyone in the world (alive

or dead) to come sit beside you. Whom

would you want to talk to? Why did you

pick this person? What would you like to

talk to him/her about? If you want to

write down your answers there are

some worksheets on pages 109-110 in

your workbooks.

Leader Note:

Leader should start. Once the last

person talks the leader can move on to

talking about how to make an

environment safe.




WHAT TO DO WHEN SOMEONE TELLS

YOU THEY HAVE BEEN SEXUAL

ASSAULTED 10

20 minutes

When we left off last time we had been talking about blaming the

victim. As a peer supporter you are there to listen and believe. The

victim is never at fault, the person who hurt them is the one to

blame. We are now going to discuss different steps you can follow

when working with someone who has experienced sexual violence.

First contact steps

Step 1: Encourage the person to speak freely and openly to

develop a trust between yourself and the person seeking help

Reference: Page 111

10 Boston Area Rape Crisis Center, Inc. (BARCC) Supporting a Sexual Assault Survivor. Forensics for survivors healing and justice (2015), retrieved from http://www.surviverape.org/forensics/supporting/professional-support Used with permission and Colorado Coalition Against Sexual Assault. (2011). Sexual assault advocacy and crisis line training guide. Denver, CO: Author.

http://www.surviverape.org/forensics/supporting/professional-support



Offer comfort

Use the person’s name

Speak in a calm voice

Adjust your tone to the person’s

tone

Let the person know that it is okay

to go slow, to cry, or to repeat

him/herself

Be okay with silence or long

pauses, allow the person time to

think and get in touch with his/her

feelings, you can say something

like “It’s all right not to talk. Take

your time.”

Use questions or make comments

that encourage the person to say

more. Here are some examples:

o “If you would like to talk, I

am here.”

o “I'd be interested in what

you are able to say.”

o “I'd really like to hear what

you're thinking and

interested in sharing.”




o “How would you feel talking

about it?”

o “Sounds like you have some

feelings/thoughts about

this.”

o “How do you feel about

that?”

Step 2: Gather information about the

individual and the situation, this is not

about fact finding but rather an

evaluation of:

Safety – Find out the person’s

safety needs (physical and

emotional) and the need for

medical attention:

o Are you safe now?

o Do you want to call the

police?

o Are you hurt?

o Do you need medical

attention?




Type of victimization –You do not

have to know everything about

what happened but in order to

best help them there are some

things you do need to know, to

find that out you can ask:

o Has something happened to

you?

o Can you tell me about it?

o When did this happen?

o Was it someone you knew?

Level of crisis – find out which

decisions and issues need to be

addressed immediately, you can

do this by:

o Discussing and answering

their questions

o Encouraging them to

express their thoughts and

feelings

o Offering reassurance and

acceptance

o Problem solving, and

o Educating




Background – find out anything

that may change what you need to

do, for example:

o Is the person concerned

about their immigration

status?

o Does the person have

concerns about

employment, housing,

sexual orientation, or

disability issues?

o Have they been victimized in

the past?

o Are they feeling suicidal?

Step 3: Assist the person with safety

and/ or action plans, discuss and

answer questions, and provide support

for what the person needs and is

experiencing, such as




Emotional support,

Problem solving,

Education on sexual assault and

recovery, and

Offer resources

Step 4: Plan for what comes next.

Talk about what to expect

emotionally, physically and

behaviorally,

Discuss ways to cope, and

Offer information/education about

the different systems (medical,

legal, etc.)




Step 5: Recap your meeting, covering:

Any action or safety plans

created,

Resources and referrals given,

and

Your willingness to continue

supporting the person


watch a video.

Reference: Page 120



MORE THINGS YOU CAN DO

About 25 minutes with video

Welcome back. Let’s watch a short video. I think it gives a good

summary of what we will be talking about next.

WATCH VIDEO

About 4 minutes

“How to help a friend in a difficult situation (sexual assault)”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=otd7o34EuNU

Leader script:

Sexual violence takes away a person’s feelings of power and

control. You can help give him/her back their power and control by

letting him/her make the decisions about what steps they want to

take.

Making decisions is a simple and

important way to feel powerful

again.

Reference: Page 121

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=otd7o34EuNU



Let the survivor decide:

o What to talk about

o When to talk

o The amount of detail to go

into

Help the survivor understand their

options,

Help them to find more

information,




Be respectful of a survivor’s

decision,

Accept their choices, don’t tell

them what you think in the right

decision,

Use language that supports your

confidence in the person’s ability

to make their own decision, for

example:

o Instead of saying “You

should go to the hospital”,

o Ask them if they think they

want to do to the hospital




Rape is a violation of the person. Help create a safe space for the

victim to voice his/her feelings by:

Listening,

Respecting his/her privacy,

Not telling their story to anyone

with their permission,

Staying with the person,

Offering to go with the person as

they take their next step, and




Without appearing over-protective

you do want to consider the

person’s immediate physical

safety by figuring out:

o If they need immediate

medical attention for injuries

o If the person has a safe

place to go

o If they have a safe way to

get there

o If there is someone that can

stay with him/her

o How to help him/her be safe

if they are not safe

People who have experienced sexual violence are afraid that no

one will believe them; you can make sure you let them know that

you do by:




Telling the person, “I believe you”,

Don’t ask questions that start with

“Why did you…” this sounds like

you don’t believe them,

Staying focused on what the

survivor is saying and what they

need,




Recognizing that a survivor may

not feel comfortable with physical

contact, and

Being aware of your body

language and the messages your

body language is saying

People who have experienced sexual

violence likely blame themselves, you

can:

Tell the person that she/he is not

to blame for the assault

Don’t just say, “It’s not your fault”,

put it in the context of what

happened, for example,

o “You did not ask for this to

happen, you trusted this

person”




If you remember, the other role you

have as a peer supporter is connecting

the victim to the programs in the

community. Being the “bridge”. To do

this you will want to provide information

about the programs available to help.

Leader Note:

It will be important for you to really understand the programs in the

community it is helpful for you to speak with people at these

programs, learn what services they offer, who they serve, take a

tour their agency, and even ask them to come co-teach with you.

Some of the programs available to help the person who has been

hurt include:

Rape crisis centers are programs in the community that help

people who have experienced sexual violence, they offer

things like:

o Advocacy,

o Crisis services,

o Outreach,

o Education,

o They can often go with victims to court, to the police

and to medical exams

o Medical assistance, and

o Counseling

Reference: Page 132



Medical assistance can include:

o Treating injuries,

o Conducting a rape exam to collect evidence,

o Testing for sexually transmitted diseases, and

o Receiving the morning after pill (to help person from

getting pregnant)

Legal options include:

o Making a report to the police so they can investigate

the assault,

o Working with the district attorney if charges are filed,

and

o Victim assistance to help offset costs associated with

the assault

o Orders of protection when the person knows who hurt

them

Counseling:

o Individual counseling,

o Group counseling

o Especially helpful in the long term or when the abuse

happened a long time ago

Reference: Page 133




watch a couple of videos.

Welcome back everyone. I want to show a couple of more videos.

The first is called “how to support a friend who has been sexually

assaulted”. I think it really is a good summary of what we have

talked about today

WATCH VIDEO

About 5 minutes

“How to support a friend who has been sexually assaulted”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qznXtees7g0

I mentioned that one thing people can do is have a rape kit done.

Rape kits are the collection of evidence from the sexual assault.

This video is a short overview of the examination and steps

survivors can take after a sexual assault.

WATCH VIDEO

About 5 minutes

“Rape Kits 101”

https://youtu.be/RVW2KqbL9HQ


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qznXtees7g0

https://youtu.be/RVW2KqbL9HQ



CLOSING

5 minutes










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