Business Communication Chapter 4

2010 Thomson South-Western

Instructor Only Version

CHAPTER 4

Revising Business Messages

Chapter 1, Slide 2 Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e Chapter 4, Slide 2 Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e

The Writing Process


Improving content and sentence structure May involve adding, cutting, and recasting.

Correcting grammar, spelling, punctuation, format, and mechanics

Proofreading

Revising


What to revise?

Chapter 4, Slide 5 Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e

Concise Wording

Revise your messages to eliminate flabby

expressions.

Instead of this

We are of the opinion that

Please feel free to

In addition to the above

At this point in time

Despite the fact that

Try this

We think

Please

Also

Now

Although


Limit Long Lead-Ins

Instead of this

This memo is to inform

you that all employees

meet today.

I am writing this letter

to say thanks to

everyone who voted.

Try this

All employees

meet today.

Thanks to

everyone who

voted.


Drop Unnecessary Fillers

Revise sentences to avoid fillers such as there

is/was and it is/was when used merely to take

up space.

Instead of this

There was only one

employee who should

be promoted.

It was Lisa and Jeff who were honored.

Try this

Only one employee should be promoted.

Lisa and Jeff were

honored.


Remove Redundant Words

advance warning

close proximity

exactly identical

filled to capacity

final outcome

necessary requisite

new beginning

past history

refer back

serious danger

Avoid unnecessarily repetitious words. What

words could be omitted in these expressions?


Dump Trite Expressions

Trite and Outdated

as per your request

pursuant to your request

attached hereto

under separate cover

Modern

at your request

at your request

attached

separately


Jargon

Computer Jargon

queue

export

bandwidth

Alternative

list of documents waiting to be printed

transfer data from one program to another

Internet capacity

Avoid technical terms and special terminology

that readers would not recognize.

Is jargon ever permissible?


Slang

to bag on

clueless

turkey

chill/chill out

to tease, to nag, or to

complain

unaware, nave

someone stupid or silly

relax

Avoid slang (informal expressions with

arbitrary or extravagantly changed meanings).


Slang

An example from the world of Dilbert:


Clichs

Avoid clichs (overused expressions).

Substitute more precise words.

Instead of this

Last but not least, you

should keep your nose

to the grindstone.

We had reached the

end of our rope.

Try this

Finally, you should

work diligently.

We could go no

further.


Buried Verbs

Revise verbs that have been converted to

nouns.

Look for words ending in

tion or ment. Could they

be more efficiently and

forcefully converted to verbs?

Tip


Instead of this

The manager came to

the realization that

telecommuting made

sense.

A job seeker must

make application

before May 1.

Try this

The manager

realized that

telecommuting

made sense.

A job seeker must

apply before

May 1.

Buried Verbs


Instead of this

Once we have the

establishment of a

Web site, our

business will grow.

Please give serious

consideration to a

company intranet.

Try this

Once we

establish a Web

site, our business

will grow.

Please seriously

consider a

company intranet.

Buried Verbs


Control Exuberance

To sound credible, dont overuse intensifiers such as very, definitely, quite, completely,

extremely, really, actually, and totally

Excessive

The manager is actually

quite pleased with your

proposal because the

plan is definitely

workable.

Businesslike

The manager is

pleased with your

proposal because

the plan is workable.


Precise Words

Revise your writing to include precise words.

Strive for specific verbs, concrete nouns, and

vivid adjectives. Beware of unclear pronouns.

Unclear

The man asked

for a raise.

An employee

presented a

proposal.

More Precise

Jeff Jones asked for a 10

percent salary increase.

Kelly Keeler, production

manager, presented a plan

to stagger hours.


Precise Words

Revise your writing to include descriptive,

dynamic adjectives instead of overworked,

all-purpose ones.

Instead of this

They thought her

report was good.

She said she would get in touch.

Try this

The management council

thought Erins report was factual and well written.

Sheila said she would

send you an e-mail.


Check the Format


Designing Documents for Readability

Employ white space.

Headings

Short paragraphs

Ragged-right margins


Choose appropriate typefaces.

Serif typefaces have small features at ends

of strokes. Useful for body text.

Times New Roman

Century

Georgia

Garamond



Choose appropriate typefaces.

Sans serif typefaces are cleaner without

features. Useful for headings, signs, and

noncontinuous reading material.

Arial

Tahoma

Verdana

Calibri




Use bulleted and numbered lists.

Break up complex information into smaller chunks.

Use numbered lists for sequences.

Use bulleted lists for items that dont require a certain order.


Instead of this

To clean the printer, you

should do the following.

First, you should

disconnect the power

cord. Then you open the

front cover, and the

printer area should be

cleaned with a soft cloth.

Try this

To clean the printer, do

the following:

1. Disconnect the power

cord.

2. Open the front cover.

3. Clean the printer with

a soft cloth.


Use a numbered list for instructions.


Instead of this

On April 3 we will be in

Toledo, and the speaker

is Troy Lee. On May 20

we will be in Detroit, and

the speaker is Sue Wu.

Try this

Date City Speaker

April 3 Toledo Troy Lee

May 20 Detroit Sue Wu


Organize information with column headings.


Instead of this

Our team constantly tries

to achieve our goals,

customer service must be

improved, and our

production targets must

be met.

Try this

Our team constantly tries

to (a) achieve our goals,

(b) improve customer

service, and (c) hit our

production targets.


Use letters to list items within sentences.

Strive for parallelism.


Instead of this

The next topic is

vacations. A new vacation

schedule will be available

on May 1.

To assist employees, we

will begin a flex schedule

in the fall.

Try this

Vacations. A new vacation

schedule will be available

on May 1.

Flextime. To assist

employees, we will begin a

flex schedule in the fall.


Use paragraph headings to improve

organization and readability.


What to proofread?


What to Watch for

in Proofreading

Spelling

Grammar

Punctuation

Names and numbers

Format

IS

TO

CK

PH

OT

O.C

OM

/ D

MIT

RY

SH

IRO

NO

SO

V


Proofreading Marks


How to Proofread Complex Documents

Allow adequate time.

Print a copy, preferably double-spaced.

Be prepared to find errors.

Read once for meaning and once for grammar/mechanics.

Reduce your reading speed.


For documents that must be perfect:

Have someone read aloud the original while someone else checks the printout.

Spell names.

Spell difficult words.

Note capitalization.

Note punctuation.

How to Proofread Complex Documents

2010 Thomson South-Western

Instructor Only Version

END