Chapter 8 : Wild Adventure called The Fat Cowboy

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    Chapter 8

    We stopped in front of the first Quonset hut and parked the Duster among the VW microbuses and mou

    bikes. Lars stood by the car and looked around the compound shaking his head. The hard lump under his jacket lo

    like just another one of his muscles. I walked into the hut and asked to see Dr. O'Riordan. The hot air in the headqu

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    uilding was thick with patchouli.

    "But...but that's just not possible!" I wasn't going to take the word of any malnourished beatnik who wore glaci

    lasses indoors. I suggested that he produce his superior officer post haste. To his credit, he recognized the voice

    uthority. The Project Director wore the same pastel green jumpsuit that the lackey did and wasn't any more cooperativ

    took two phone calls. One from the Quonset hut to the United States Ambassador to the U.N., and one from the Whi

    ouse to the northern lip of New Mexico before I was ushered to the glass dome.

    "You have to understand," the Project Director said, "that there is simply no direct communication with th

    iospherians. They are totally sealed off from the outside world." He fussed around with his clipboard and acted like h

    as about to have a petit mal seizure. "I hope you can appreciate that this authorization is most extraordinary. Simp

    nheard of." I had to remind the lisping little faggot that future U.S. participation in the funding of any U.N. project ju

    might depend on how much cooperation I got from him.

    The deal we had worked was this: I could write a message on a leaf of official Biosphere stationery and hold it u

    the outside of the glass dome. One of the econauts would see it and summon Dr. O'Riordan, and I could communica

    ith her in like manner. If she wished, and only if she wished the headman was quick to point out, then she could brea

    lence and communicate directly with me through the emergency network. It was the best I could do on such sho

    otice.

    "Dr. O'Riordan,

    represent a private concern that has immediate need of your services. I have received authorization from the Secreta

    eneral for you to discuss my proposal outside the confines of the Biosphere. If that is not acceptable to you, you a

    lso authorized to break radio silence and to communicate to me via the emergency network. I emphasize that, upon th

    rders of the Secretary General, these actions will in no manner jeopardize your position as a Biospherian and you w

    e free to return to the experiment without your brief absence being noted in the daily logs.

    I held the note up against the glass of the Biosphere and rapped my knuckles to get the attention of a wir

    readlocked black man who looked like he was scattering goat turds on a garden. I remember thinking that the gla

    ome was so thick that I might have to send Lars back to the plane for one of the depleted-uranium projectiles for th

    nti-tank gun. Just in case we were forced to get the good Doctor out the old fashioned way. The eco-rasta read my no

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    and, with a puzzled look in his eye, trotted off into the interior of the dome and was soon swallowed up by the

    foliage.

    Dense and brilliant green plantlife covered the floor of the Biosphere and I saw beads of moisture on the b

    leaves. Condensation had gathered on the inside of the glass about twenty feet up and a thin, misty cloud cappe

    inside of the dome.

    In a few minutes, the jungle canopy parted and Dr. O'Riordan stepped gently through the foliage. She had o

    same style jumpsuit as the others and peered at me through purple granny glasses. She must have stood six-two and,

    though she had her clipboard clasped to her bosom in two crossed arms, I could tell that her figure was extraordin

    even by my standards.

    As I held up my note for her to read, I saw the project director out of the corner of my eye. He stood wit

    fingers crossed and squinted up to heaven, praying softly, "Please say no! Please say no!".

    As Dr. O'Riordan read my note, she brushed her lips softly with a lock of honey blond hair. Those gorgeou

    turned down into a frown and then formed a silent, "No!". Her hair swung back and forth in a golden arc as she shoo

    head emphatically. She tore a page from her clipboard and wrote me a note.

    Whoever You Are,

    Under no circumstances will I leave the Biosphere! Don't waste any more of my time trying to communicate wit

    further. You look like CIA scum.

    "Yes! Good girl!" The project director hissed like a viper. "She took vows, you know...to complete the experiment

    so proud of her!"

    On the way back to Nueva Celaya, I formulated Plan B. It took Sal and Mona just a couple of days to fa

    information that I needed about the Biosphere project, which was a welcome development since I wasn't sure how m

    longer I could stand living in that crackerbox of a room at the Siesta Buena Motor Lodge at the edge of the greater N

    Celaya metroplex. It didn't take much longer than that for Tyrone to arrange for one of our drilling rigs -- and he

    stroke of luck, it turns out that we had a good rig and a discrete company driller at a location only ninety miles from

    Biosphere -- to spud in only a mile away from the dome on a section of land that I bought an oil lease on only

    afternoon.

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    I spent just enough time in N.C. to ride herd on the driller. I rented a chili-colored Ford pickup and drove to th

    rill site to check on his progress. He was a burly man in greasy coveralls and he walked me over to the cuttings pile. H

    owned as he showed me the residue that the drilling mud was bringing to the surface of the hole and read the well log

    me. Be damned if I think theres any oil or gas down there, sir. She just aint actin like a producer. I assured him th

    had a good feeling about this one, that my gut hadnt failed me yet and to just keep drilling. By the time Id driven ba

    Nueva Celaya to fly back home, the desert had coated the shiny new Ford with a thick coating of dust that could on

    e described, colorwise, as ecru vomit.

    The driller was told that he would get a hefty bonus if he could complete his hole in three weeks and he just mad

    in under the wire. When he pulled his rig, we had a six- inch, cased hole drilled into the aquifer that fed the wells in th

    iosphere. According to the drilling log, the two tanker truckloads of liquefied carbon dioxide were pumped into the ho

    , "fracture the oil bearing formation and to stimulate production."

    We didn't get a teaspoonful of oil from that well. Just another dry hole that we could write off. What I did get

    he satisfaction of reading, two or three days later, a banner headline in the Albuquerque paper that said, " BIOSPHER

    VACUATED". The story told of an unexplained and dangerous increase in carbon dioxide as a constituent in th

    iosphere's internal atmosphere. The Biospherians were evacuated, given medical checkups and told to stand down un

    he source of the problem could be found. Scientists were arguing about leaf area densities and photosynthetic overloa

    ngineers were talking about faulty design and pointing fingers at each other, lawyers were making contingency plans.

    After it was determined that the carbon dioxide in the aquifer would dissipate naturally in about a year, th

    iospherians hit the lecture circuit to bide their time by picking up heavy speaking fees. When the U.S. Geologic

    urvey traced the problem to that dry hole, one of our little shadow drilling companies forfeited their bond and wen

    uietly bankrupt, perfectly fulfilling its function as insulation.

    Check out the full story or the audio book at http://newfiction.com