Before playing this game, apparently you have to read the Xbox 360 Instruction Manual and other stupid manuals so you won’t die and sue people. You should probably keep these things too. Just in case you forget how not to die. If you’re lame enough to lose any of the manuals and you really want another one, go to www.xbox.com/support or call the geniuses and Xbox Customer Support (go to the back to get this information, we were too lazy to put it here where it would be convenient)

Important Health WarningPlaying video games will make you AWESOME!! But for realz, a small percentage of people may experience a seizure when exposed to certain visual images, including flashing lights or patterns that may appear in video games. Get your s*** together. Even people who have no history of seizures or epilepsy may have an undiagnosed condition that can cause these “photosensitive epileptic seizures” while watching video games.

These seizures may have a variety of symptoms, including light headedness, altered vision, eye or face twitching, jerking or shaking of arms and legs, disorientation, confusion, or momentary loss of awareness. You could also just be buzzed from drinking 17 cans of that energy drink that you like so. Seizures may also cause loss of consciousness or convulsions that can lead to injury from falling down or striking objects.

To prevent this stuff from happening you should probably sit farther from the television screen, use a smaller television screen (only if you like to look at amazing graphics on a POS screen), play in a well-lit room, or don’t play when your tired. You should also probably talk to the Doctor man if you’re unsure whether seizure may effect you or not.

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Boring Stuff Game Controls Xbox 360 Getting Started Game Modes

Introduction Main Characters Other People

Hints and Tips

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A Button: Jump/SelectB Button: KickX Button: Punch/WeaponsY Button: InteractL Stick/D-Pad: Move

Simple and straight forward. That’s how we do things here at Team Sea Slug. We’re awesome.

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Family Settings

Xbox Live

Main Menu

There are no family settings. This isn’t a game for families! Go play your mamby pamby games some place else!

Look!! Xbox Live mode! Yes, you can share your bashing escapades with all your lame friends who actually care about what you’re doing. There are also unlockable achievements for all you achievement getters out there. You know who you are.

Really? You need a section to tell you what to do on the main menu? How stupid...OK, we’ll try not to completely alienate all of our client base. *sigh* Select which mode you want with the A button.

If you don’t know that you have to insert the game disk into the disk slot located on your Xbox 360, then go and bang your head against a wall instead of playing this awesome game. If you have successfully inserted your game disk, then press start on the start menu and away you go! Bash until your hearts content you little psychopath.

Story Mode

Bash Em’ Up Mode

This mode follows a story. Go figure. Select this mode if you wish to follow the main character around their exciting, yet crappy excuse for a world. Find ‘friends’ that will give you quests to go and bash people into oblivion! You can unlock cool new clothes too! Well, actually, we were lazy and you pretty much just unlock different colors. Our bad. This is also the only way to unlock more levels to be played in Bash Em’ Up mode. Besides, this mode is really what the game was designed for. So make all the hard working nerds happy and play it the way it was meant to be played!

Select this mode to go on an all out bashing rampage. You can choose your favorite level from Story Mode and go completely crazy. Seriously. This is specifically designed for going ape s*** over any and everything. Have fun.

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The dawn breaks over the quiet, peaceful town of Awestopia. You are greeted by the warm rays of the sun shining through your window. Birds are chirping and all is right with the universe...Until you realize that this is all a dream and you live in a sorry excuse for a town and hate everything in it. You are finally fed up with all the buffalo crap people keep shoving in your face, so you decide today is the day. The day for REVENGE!!

Work your way around various spots in your home town bashing and curb stomping idiots to your hearts content. Go to the theatre, bash people who talk through the movie. Go to the mall, bash annoying kids who are screaming at their parents to buy them something. Go anywhere you like!

Well, you have to stay within the confines of the game world, but other than that, go!!! Be free!!!

Though both chick and dude follow the same, basic story line, their personalities are somewhat different.

She is evil at its core. She will not only bash your face in, she will enjoy every minute of it, almost too much. With her sinister smile she will watch as your pathetic little body is smashed into a bloody pulp. She also likes to knit.

Dude is mad. If you sneeze in front of him, he may just rip your head off. He’s tired of stupid, screaming kids and the parents who don’t control their stupid, screaming kids. He will definitely make sure you know when he is upset.

The Chick

The Dude

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What does he do? He does what he does. Sometimes he can be really helpful, but he really doesn’t do much otherwise. He will usually be found lazing around his tweaker pad but, on occasion he will venture out to grab some Doritos or other kinds of junk food.

You will find various friends or groups of friends around town, ready and waiting to give you new and different people to bash. Some are important to the main story, some aren’t. And no, we won’t tell you which is which. You figure it out. That’s why you’re playing the game.

Each level contains a master boss that you must defeat in order to advance to the next level. And just to piss you off, we’ve kinda hidden them so they won’t reveal themselves until you’ve completed a certain number of bashings. Why did we do this? Why not!!! We’re the game developers, we can do whatever we feel like! Stop thinking about it and go play the game since you have nothing better to do.

The Guru

Friends

Bosses

Tip #1

Tip #2

Tip #3

Tip #4

Tip #5

Make sure to read all the hints and tips in the hints and tips section.

Re-read tip #1.

Make sure you have an Xbox 360.

Make sure you have an Xbox 360 controller.

Don’t actually go out and bash real people over the head. You will go to jail. We will not bail you out.

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Tip #6

Tip #7

Tip #8

Hint #1

Do the chicken dance.

Go tell your friends...that you just did the chicken dance because a game booklet told you to. Seriously, stupid.

In case of a zombie apocalypse, make sure you hold on to this game. Give it to future generations and show them that bashing things over the head is fun and enjoyable for almost everyone!! Get going you future starter!

There are no hints. You’re on your own.