Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Elaboration: Strategic Teaching to Improve Student Writing Part 3: Lessons 6 - 8 Elaboration within

Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.

Elaboration: Strategic Teachingto Improve Student Writing

Part 3: Lessons 6 - 8 Elaboration within Sentences,

Layering -- Elaboration Using Multiple Sentences, Criteria for Assessment

OSPI Instructional Support Materials for Writing

These materials were developed by Washington teachers to help students improve their writing.

Version 2


OSPI Writing Instructional Support MaterialsCore Development Team

Nikki Elliott-Schuman – OSPI, Project Director

Charlotte Carr – Retired Seattle SD, Facilitator

Barbara Ballard – Coupeville SD

Anne Beitlers – Seattle SD

Marcie Belgard – Richland SD

Betsy Cornell – Moses Lake SD

Lydia Fesler – Spokane SD

Lori Hadley – Puyallup SD

Lissa Humphreys – East Valley SD (Spokane)

Kathleen McGuinness – Kennewick SD

Lisa McKeen – East Valley SD (Yakima)

Sharon Schilperoort – Yakima SD

Holly Stein – Eastside Catholic High School


Purpose

To share teaching strategies that will help students develop a piece of writing that elaborates on a single idea and addresses the needs and interests of a particular audience.

Elaboration is critical for clear and effective writing.


Elaboration Module Series of Lessons

• Defining Elaboration• Asking Questions that Lead to Elaboration• Recognizing Elaboration• Show, Don't Tell• Specific, Concrete Details versus General Language• Elaboration within Sentences• Layering -- Elaboration Using Multiple Sentences• Criteria for Assessment


ELABORATION WITHIN SENTENCES Lesson 6


Elaboration within a Sentence

• Sentences can be expanded by adding elaboration.

• Sentences can be combined to provide elaboration.

APPOSITIVES, PHRASES,

AND CLAUSES.

Lesson 6

TELL MEMORE. . .


Appositives

Add information to a single sentence.

Lesson 6


Appositives

• An appositive is a noun or noun phrase that follows another noun or pronoun that renames it or adds information.

• An appositive is usually set apart from the sentence by commas.

• Joel made the goal.

Joel, the star of the team, made the goal.

Lesson 6

Sentence with an appositive.


Appositives answer the reader’s questions.

Mom---Natalya is coming over

tonight.

Who is Natalya?

Natalya, the girl who sits beside me in band, is coming over tonight.

Lesson 6


Add an appositive to a sentence.

• Ms. Ortega, ____________, is my teacher.

• Ms. Ortega, English teacher in room 7, is my teacher.

• Crystal Lake, ___________, is my home.

• Crystal Lake, a lovely town off Interstate 90, is my home.

WHO ?

WHERE ?

Lesson 6


Elaborate by adding appositives.

Try adding an appositive with a partner.

• My school, ______________, is the best.

• That lunch, ____________,was the worst.

• Mrs. Dennis, ____________, helped me find a site on the Internet.

• My car, __________, is a piece of junk.

Lesson 6


Some Samples

• My school, the largest school in our town, is the best.

• That lunch, liver, onions, and ketchup, was the worst.

• Mrs. Dennis, our new librarian, helped me find a site on the Internet.

• My car, an ancient jalopy inherited from my brother, is a piece of junk.

Lesson 6


Combine sentences to form an appositive.

We can combine the two following sentences into one power-packed sentence and delete unnecessary words.

• John plays varsity basketball for the Springfield Hurricanes basketball team.

• He is a senior and the point guard for his team.

John, the senior point guard, plays basketball for the Springfield Hurricanes.

Lesson 6


More Practice Combining Sentences to Form Appositives

Look at the two sentences. Choose one of the sentences to be the base sentence and using the important information from the other sentence, write an appositive.

• Trevor owns and operates Screaming T-Shirts.

• Trevor owns his own business.

Lesson 6

Trevor, the owner, operates the business

Screaming T-Shirts.


Elaborate by combining sentences.More practice

• Emily bought a present for her best friend at Macy’s.• Emily bought a silver ring for her best friend.________________________________________

• Alex ran around the track 25 times that morning.• Alex is a marathon runner from Yacoco High School.

Lesson 6


Prepositional Phrases

• A prepositional phrase adds information and elaboration by answering questions a reader may have.

• Prepositional phrases are often used to answer questions about position, place, location, or time.(examples of prepositions - by, of, for, on, in, under, with, through,

beside, before, after, during…)

Lesson 6


Phrases add elaboration.

Example

• Susie, a senior at Springfield High, runs the concession stand.

• Susie, a senior at Springfield High, runs the concession stand for every 2005-6 basketball game.

When does Susie run the concession

stand?Why does she run it?

Lesson 6


Your Turn to Add Prepositional Phrases

• With your partner, add prepositional phrases to the following sentences to answer questions a reader may have.

• Luis got his driving license.

• Maryann earned an academic award.

• Nadia came in first place.

Lesson 6


Clauses add elaboration.

Definition

• A clause is a group of words that depends on a complete sentence and starts with an introductory word such as who, which, that, although, since, or because and has its own subject and verb.

Lesson 6


Clauses add elaboration.

Example

• Elaine had plenty of her own money.

• Elaine asked her friend Delia to pay for her movie ticket.

Combined with a clause

Lesson 6

Although Elaine had plenty of her own money, she asked her friend Delia to pay for her movie ticket.


Another Example

Example

• Maryann and Jocelyn were both late getting home.

• The party lasted longer than planned.

Combined with a clause

Lesson 6

Because the party lasted longer than planned, Maryann and Jocelyn were both late getting home.


One More Example

Example• Gabriel had a flat tire on Snoqualmie Pass.• He was rescued by a state patrolman.Combined with a clause

Lesson 6

Gabriel, who had a flat tire on Snoqualmie Pass, was rescued by a state patrolman.

When Gabriel had a flat tire on Snoqualmie Pass, he was rescued by a state patrolman.

OR


Your Turn to Elaborate with Clauses.

Combine the following pairs of sentences using clauses.

• Benjamin and Gerardo walked home after the football game.

• Celia offered Benjamin and Gerardo a ride home after the Friday night football game.

___________________________________

• Josh went to take his driving test.• Josh failed his driving test two times.

Lesson 6





LAYERING vs. LISTING Lesson 7


Layering Elaboration

A thoughtful writer layers one sentence after another.

Each new sentence adds to or develops the thought

. . .like rings around a bull’s-eye.

Lesson 7


Layering seems like • Each idea is carefully stacked

on the next. . . like bricks in a wall

. . .or rings on a tall tree.

Lesson 7


Every sentence and detail fit with the rest of the topic

. . .like a set of nesting dolls.

Lesson 7


Listing vs. Layering

• Don’t add boring, list-like sentences just to make the paragraph longer.

• REMEMBER – length doesn’t always mean quality elaboration.

List-like example rather than layering - Having lots of choices is the reason why I eat at school. I love nachos. I like the pizza at school. Sometimes I order salad when I am feeling full. I have some favorite vegetables.

See - Choices-listing.doc, Choices-layering.doc

Lesson 7


Layering sounds like

Having lots of food choices is the reason why I like my school’s lunchroom.

I can select my favorite foods for lunch everyday. I sometimes pick cheesy nachos with the melted cheese sauce smothered over the hot crispy chips. If I don’t want anything that greasy, like nachos or pizza, I can choose a “made-for-me” salad. This means I get to choose what goes on it and my favorite veggies, including olives, peppers, and tomatoes. The best thing is I can pick a food that fits my attitude that day.

TOPIC

Lesson 7


Another layering example

Skiing down a Black Diamond run gives a rush like no other. What appears like a peaceful sport is really a contrast to the 50 mph feel of the wind in your face, waist-high moguls to weave in and out of while your thighs scream, “Stop!” With a wind chill of minus 10, you still have sweat dripping under your long johns as your adrenaline pumps through your veins. You can’t wait to get to the bottom of the run and do it again.

Lesson 7

TOPIC


Practice layering.

• Read the following topic sentence. With a partner take turns adding layers of sentences that DEVELOP the topic.

Dessert is my favorite thing to order at McDonald’s.

See student sample - Dessert at McDonald’s

Lesson 7


More Practice with Layering

In the following paragraph, discuss how all the sentences layer or develop the topic.

Football season at JKHS is the best time of the year. Even though I don’t play, football provides us all with something to do on Friday nights. Sometimes that means watching the football games; sometimes that means the after-game dance. My favorite football memory was after the game with MLHS. The ASB leaders made a huge bonfire for us to celebrate the win. It lasted until 2:00 a.m. when we went to Shari’s for breakfast to plan the next football experience.

Lesson 7


Remember…layering looks like

• Sentences thoughtfully placed with the one main topic threaded through them

. . . purposely explaining with the

needs of the audience in mind.

Lesson 7


Your TurnChoose one of the following two topics. Then write a

paragraph and practice elaborating by layering each sentence and developing the main idea.

The parking lot at _______ High is where the real education takes place at school.

_______ is what I live for on the weekends.

Lesson 7





CRITERIA FOR ASSESSMENT Lesson 8


Scoring Guide for Elaboration

• Teachers and students should use the Elaboration Scoring Guide to evaluate students’ writing for elaboration.

See - Elaboration Scoring Guide

Lesson 8


Checklist for Elaboration• Teachers and students should read the

checklist and may use it as an alternative tool to evaluate writing.

• See - Elaboration Checklist

Lesson 8


After Reading the Checklist

• If any bullet has a NO marked in your writing, this is the time

– To revise and add more and/or different types of elaboration.

– To consider carefully why you chose to leave something out.

Lesson 8


Feedback, please

We welcome your comments. Please feel free to try these lessons and send feedback to Nikki Elliott-Schuman at [email protected]. We appreciate your labeling the subject line as Feedback: OSPI Instructional Support Materials.

mailto:[email protected]

Documents

Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Elaboration: Strategic Teaching to Improve Student Writing Part 3: Lessons 6 - 8 Elaboration within