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8/6/2019 Creative Writing Course Work
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Atekka IqbalEng Lit Coursework
When he was younger, the world appeared to be right. Everything was the way that it
should be; it was perfect. He wasn’t very popular; however, he was reasonably admired;
this was the way he liked it. However things began to change as he aged. It was
exhausting trying to complete customary duties, raising money, and more importantly
raising a family. He struggled to find a job, to make time for his wife and himself. No
longer were there any days in which he could relax and unwind, in the simple, unmarried
presence of his mother’s love and support. Knowing that she would always be there to
comfort him through his ups and downs meant that he kept the world outside the door.
But then she passed away and he lost his rock. After her death he found Lisa, she was
his soul-partner. There had been a short period of gratification then the workload had
taken over. Now he was no longer a naive child but a fed-up adult.
Stan was back at the office again. The same office in which his senior had once
worked, however, after years of keeping himself occupied using work as his excuse, this
particular office now belonged to him. Trying his hardest to complete his advertising
project for their most important clients; he looked down at his desk again. His office had
been recently refurbished yet this was unnoticeable - Stan found it considerable difficult
to be neat and orderly. The piled high sheets of paper, the 3 day old coffee and the
broken pens were all posing distractions to his work; he made a mental note to sort out
all the junk before trying to continue on with his task. Stan remembered the times when
he could easily ask his mother to tidy up without being hassled…
He was back in his bedroom, surrounded by all of his treasured toys, his Disney
water cup and his fairytales. Shouting out of the room,
“Mum!” Stan had decided that it would be best if he requested his Mum’s back-up,
otherwise he would never get his room clean in time for Tom and Alex’s arrival and their
weekly fun club. Unable to hear, he said loudly, “Can you come help clear my room up?”
During their last get-together, Stan’s mother had taken them to Pizza Hut and it had
been very exciting. He only felt fully comfortable with his mother’s presence so this visit
was bound to be pleasant. They decided to have a competition, whoever ate the mostwould get to design everyone’s plates at the ice-cream factory; there was no way Stan
could lose whilst his mum was with him.. His mother smiling, said gently “now Stan you
know that you eat too fast”. “No mum, honestly I’ll eat carefully” he replied. He munched
and crunched, whilst watching Tom and Alex’s chewing progress from the corner of his
eyes; determined to win. Smiling with satisfaction, he looked down at the empty plates; a
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Atekka IqbalEng Lit Coursework
sickly feeling began to take over his stomach so he quickly walked away towards the
toilet, passing the bin to throw away his napkin.
The sound of the bin slamming against the wall brought him back to reality; he
shook his head to clear his guilt. Stan decided to leave work even though he knew that it
was not to the highest standard, his reminiscing made him want to run home and hide in
bed. Locking the door behind him, he made his way home. Early this morning, Stan was
sat at his desk with his assistant. He had ran his hands through his dark hair, blinking
apprehensively; “I hate Fridays, the rush-hour begins so early just because of the
weekend” he’d predicted – he was right. His colleagues had already become a part of
this swarm of bees. Strangers were pushing him, shoving him all in an attempt to get
further away from work and closer to home. At first, he had loved living in the city;
knowing that he was amongst the thousands of people who had seen these renowned
buildings and scenes but it was days like today’s that made Stan feel forlorn. A rather
large man rudely bumped into him on a busy side-street and he swayed, lost his footing
and sprawled flat on his face. Everyone continued to pass him, no-one stopped to help.
Stan’s thoughts ran back to a certain moment when he had also fallen but then there
was someone to help…
Running across the school playground, he weaved his way though all of the
mammoth-sized climbing-frames and the chimpanzee swings on his way to the school
gates. All of his class mates were also out, making their journey home parallel to his.
Stan wanted to have a turn on the slide before he went to his patient mum, he walked up
the stairs and was about to sit down when he stumbled, his foot slipped and he went
head-first down the slide. In shock, Stan began to cry; his friends and fellow students
were either oblivious or humoured. His lovely caring mum however was running towards
him, her stunning brown hair swaying as she ran. The gaze of her mesmerising eyes
focusing on him; she comforted him and they went home hand in hand. Releasing his
firm grasp of his mother’s hand, Stan walked into his home and settled himself on to the
sofa. After a few minutes, in walked his mother, holding a glass of cold milk withchocolate chip cookies. This was one of the wonderful moments that he was extremely
grateful for his mother and loved her very much. Wrapping his hands around the glass
and feeling its cold touch, he brought it closer towards his mouth.
His mind jerked back to the present. Stan remembered the earlier phone call he
had received; Lisa had told him tenderly,
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Atekka IqbalEng Lit Coursework
“Honey, make sure you get some milk on your way home”.
Sighing, he spoke out to himself, “life’s much easier when you’re child”.
(1000)
Commentary
My source novel is the secret life of Walter Mitty by James Thurber. In regards to the
plotline of my creative piece, I decided to keep in mind Thurber’s storyline yet make
some changes. Unlike Thurber’s story in which Walter Mitty is alternating between
fantasy and reality, Stan is remembering his childhood. He thinks that his life is
demanding and wants to escape back to his hassle-free childhood it appears to be
similar to Thurber’s plotline, Walter Mitty is living in a tedious world and escapes to adifferent life. However I decided to change the plotline after noticing that his childhood
memories all contained his mother hence I changed it to Stan truly missing his mother
and keeps thinking about her, not his childhood. In terms of social relevance, I think that
it is very relevant in the present times. Many people are so busy with working and going
out with friend, they do not make more time for things that really matter for example their
parents.
A James Thurber’s book starts right in the action, “we’re going through!’ The
Commander’s voice was like thin ice breaking”. This is effective because it draws the
reader in straight away and makes them want to continue reading. In my story, I decided
against this. The reason for this is that I wanted the reader to understand how he is
feeling and to get an insight into his thoughts and feelings. My character doesn’t realise
that he misses his mother and she is the reason for him back-tracking to his childhood.
Similar to Thurber’s book, my story is written in 3rd person too. Also, they both have
serious content but a lighter tone.
During times when he is under stress, he begins to daydream; a certain feeling, object,
noise etc leads him back to a childhood memory and Stan forgets his adult life and
thinks that he is a child once again. I took this idea from Thurber, who used links
between Walter Mitty’s different worlds. I used ellipses to show when he is reminiscing
and going back to his childhood.
Because of the age of the protagonist, the story can be read and enjoyed by people of
various age groups and social backgrounds. Both younger readers and older readers
would enjoy this story because they could relate to his feelings and emotions; they may
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Atekka IqbalEng Lit Coursework
be experiencing similar feelings in their own lives. The primary purpose is to entertain
and the secondary purpose is to present an idea - you should cherish your mother and
be grateful that she is a part of your life.
I used a variety of complex declarative sentences and short simple sentences to keep
the reader interested. The first paragraph is mainly complex and compound sentences,
for example “It was exhausting trying to complete customary duties, raising money, and
more importantly raising a family”. This is also a 3-part list; it shows how many things he
has to do.
In the first paragraph, I was trying to show his thoughts and feelings. I used a
juxtaposition to show how his life used to be “perfect” “admired” “liked” “popular”
compared to what his life is like now “exhausting” “customary” “struggled”. The former
words have positive connotations of a happy and ideal life whereas the latter have
negative connotations of a difficult and challenging life. There are two semantic fields
used in this paragraph, first there is a semantic field of popularity and the other is a
semantic field of a gruelling lifestyle. This shows the difference between life with his
mum and life without his mum.
I used pre-modification to describe his surroundings, “piled high sheets of paper, the 3
day old coffee and the broken pens”. This adds detail to where he is. Similarly, I used
pre-modification to describe his mum, “patient mum” and “lovely caring mum”. These
adjectives are positive and show how much highly he thinks of his mother. To create
variety in the story, I also used post-modification to describe his mother, “his mother’s
love and support”. This shows that she is affectionate and cares for him. I used a
metaphor, “he lost his rock”. This implies that his mother kept him stable, without her he
was vulnerable. Another metaphor was used further along the story, “His colleagues had
already become a part of this swarm of bees”. This implies that the rush-hour is very
crowded and busy.
(734)