Date hotter girls Rob Judge

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Introduction

To be male and single.

Those two words alone open a world of possibility. Whenever I meet guys who are NOT single, they lament

on how they would have done things different. To be single in the 21st Century is to be the master of your own happiness, your own success, and, ultimately, your own fate.

Yet success isn’t obvious. Nor is it guaranteed. The ONLY rea-son you’ve invested in this course is because attracting women is counter-intuitive. If attraction followed an intuitive pattern, every

introduction t o d a t e H o t t e r G i r l s

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IntroductionD a t e H o t t e r G i r l s . c o m

guy would just go out and attract women doing what he “thought” would work. For most of us, that means being super nice to women, kissing their ass, buying them gifts, and acting like complete wimps.

You’re about to learn why that’s a losing strategy.

This course intends to make you “SHAMELESS” with women. If that surprises you, you’re not alone. I would have never thought I’d use a word like “shameless” to describe the ideal attitude for meet-ing women, but it’s true. Having spent years in “the trenches,” ap-proaching thousands of women and trying anything and every-thing to attract them, I found it’s not about becoming more of who you think she wants—it’s about becoming more of a man. Period.

Perhaps that sounds intuitive, but what do most guys do when a girl whines something like “Is that a pickup line?” Most guys stammer, “Of course not! I’d never use a pickup line!” or some other excuse.

Now, a SHAMELESS reply to that would be, “OF COURSE it’s a pickup line. What do you think I’m here for—a job interview?”

Most people probably wouldn’t peg the guy acting “shameless” as the one who’s most attractive. Often people label a shameless man a scoundrel with a bad attitude. The truth, however, is that shame-

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lessness is synonymous with masculinity—plain and simple. To be devoid of shame means to be devoid of feeling bad for acting the way you want. For acting like a MAN.

It’s simply not enough to be male and single. While those two words imply freedom—and often sound heavenly to those who are NOT single—it’s really just a mirage of freedom.

You will never find happiness or fulfillment just because you’re a bachelor—sweet as it may sound. No, instead the road happiness has some obstacles along the way. You need to be prepared for some lows, some crippling moments, and some emotional pain. You need to let go of your childish fantasies that you’re going to waltz through your single years unchallenged.

Your bachelorhood is your blank canvas, and you’re free to paint on it any picture of the life you want. You are in complete control of your fate. However, should you chose to never pick up a paint-brush, to never take control, and to never do anything, then one day you’re going to wake up lamenting on how you would have done things different.

You’ve already taken the first step with this course. Now, your next step is to trust. Trust yourself, trust the process, and trust that the

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biggest risk you’ll ever take is taking no risk at all. This applies to dating as much as it applies to life. Being human doesn’t mean avoid rejection. Being human means throwing yourself into the jaws of rejection without fear.

Only the winners of the world will understand what I’m taking about. Every success story I’ve ever heard began with a “play to win” attitude. And within that success story there were plenty fail-ures. But ultimately those failures were only “short stories” in a larger treatise of absolute victory. In fact, failures often contribute to ultimate success.

So, to reiterate one of my favorite sayings, “The biggest risk in life is taking no risk at all.” If you take no risk, you won’t have to endure losing, but you also won’t enjoy wins. Moreover, you’ll rob yourself of the humanness of playing the game as it should be played. Playing it to win.

Each “Rule” in this course hinges on that attitude. By the end of this short course, you’re not going to have a collection of pickup lines or funky date ideas…you’re going to have an ATTITUDE SHIFT. Playing by the 9 Rules means playing the game the way it was in-tended: with a shameless attitude.

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The 9 Tenets of Date Hotter Girls

Sad truth: Fear of rejection prevents most guys from enjoying an exciting love life. This one fear is so paralyzing that most men would rather accept a life of mediocrity rather than face the specter of rejection. Even guys who do approach

women or do take risks still often go to great lengths to avoid the discomfort of getting told “no.”

We could speculate on what psychological factors fuel that anxi-ety—but who really cares? Philosophizing about rejection doesn’t make it any less real or any less scary. It forever looms every time we pursue something we want.

rule 1 r e j e c t i o n i s n ’ t a d e c i s i o n ; i t ’ s c o m m u n i c a t i o n

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The RulesD a t e H o t t e r G i r l s . c o m

Indeed, rejection is tied to our desires. If we weren’t desirous, we couldn’t be rejected. Our desire is our vulnerability. And so, when-ever emotions are involved, we’re susceptible to the fear of rejec-tion.

As such, it’s not realistic to try to smother your passion or fake your disinterest. You can’t short-circuit your emotions with logic; you can, however, reprogram them with your mindset. Thus, by understand-ing rejection differently, you’ll feel completely different about it…

Most guys believe “success with women” means sailing through a date or interaction with a woman “rejection-free.” Most guys imag-ine that the opening line should immediately captivate a woman, that every request or proposal the man makes should be accept-ed, that the first kiss should be a “magic moment,” and that getting a woman home is as simple as saying, “Let’s get out of here.”

While this sort of fantasying works great in Hollywood movies, real life is never this seamless. In fact, if you ever have an inter-action that progresses “perfectly,” you probably did something wrong! Whether it was waiting too long for the kiss, not proposing going back to your place soon enough, or just chatting with her in a non-sexual way, doing it perfect means doing it wrong! Let’s re-

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peat that, this time in bold:

Doing it perfect means doing it wrong!

As such, rejection shouldn’t be seen as a dead end or a “no.” In-stead, it’s a signpost indicating that you’re moving toward success! As outrageous as that may seem, the formula for success with wom-en goes something like this:

Rejection + She Doesn’t Leave = Road to Success

This may seem counter-intuitive, but think about it. If you’re getting “rejected” it means you’re doing what you want—doing what you desire. If you’ve made your intent clear, and she chooses to stay (whether it’s on a date, in a conversation, etc.), then you have to assume you’re on the road to success.

She’s not saying “no”—she’s saying “not yet.”

That idea brings us to the first tenet of the “Date Hotter Girls” phi-losophy: Rejection isn’t a decision; it’s communication. When you encounter rejection, you’re simply encountering a form of sexual communication between a man and a woman. It’s her JOB to say “not yet” and it’s your job to be cool with it and not get thrown off.

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For most guys, “rejection” usually sends their emotions into a tail-spin and sinks their confidence. Once that happens a woman in-stantly knows that man don’t “speak” the language of sexual com-munication. Any guy who lets rejection bother him is a man who hasn’t seduced many women.

To be more blunt: if you’re upset about getting rejected, you’re be-traying your inexperience with women. As such, this tenet contradicts how dating is often portrayed in the media or in movies. If you want to believe that you can careen through your dating life rejec-tion-free, don’t read dating advice. Go watch The Notebook.

But if you’re serious about learning how to communicate with wom-en in an attractive way, change your view of rejection. This one mindset shift will revolutionize your dating success. Rather than see-ing rejection as a reflection of “inadequacy,” you’ll accept it as a necessary part of attracting women.

So stop fearing rejection and started welcoming it. Remember, when it comes to dating women: perfection is wrong; rejection is right.

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You may find this next tenet offensive. If you’re a “nice guy” then you might not like what you’re about to read. Unfortunately, a cruel rule of dating is this: anything “good” or “nice” you do for a woman before sex can—

and will—be used against you.

That means any time you go out of your way, put in the extra ef-fort, act more respectful or courteous than you need to, or do any-thing that can be construed as “kindness,” you’re doing yourself—and the girl you’re with—a serious disservice.

Imagine this from the perspective of a guy who struggles with women. Often, guys who don’t fully understand how to be success-ful with women suffer through the same patterns, over and over. Usually these guys find themselves in the “friend zone” more often than they’d like to admit.

This typically happens because of too many good deeds. If you’ve heard the painful “let’s just be friends” speech from a girl you were attracted to, take a moment right now to assess your behav-ior. You’ll probably realize you committed a fatal “good deed”

rule 2 no Good deed Will Go unpunisHed

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somewhere along the way.

Maybe you footed the bill for a $100 dinner on your first date. Maybe you showered her with gifts before you really got to know her. Maybe you cared too much about impressing her, so you sim-ply complimented her too much.

Your generosity—in whatever form it manifests itself—will come back to bite you in the ass. Every. Time.

Sometimes you can even get put in the friend zone just for acting too polite! For example, imagine if you went on a date with a girl, made out with her, but failed to invite her back to your place be-cause you were afraid of “offending” her. As crazy as it sounds, even that sort of “kindness” usually works against you!

Now, this isn’t to say be mean to girls. Moreover, once you’re in a relationship with a girl, it’s perfectly fine to be polite and kind to her. However, until you’ve either slept with a girl or are dating her, hold off on the generosity. In fact, if you’re feeling generous or kind, you’re better off doing something nice for a close friend or family member rather than a girl you’re trying to date.

Unfortunately, for most “nice guys,” this lesson never sinks in. These

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guys simply ignore the patterns: they’re getting put in the friend zone for a reason! The way to treat a girl you’re “seeing” must be different from how you treat a girlfriend!

Don’t be fooled by what girls say. Whenever girls say things like, “I want a guy who treats me like a princess,” they’re envisioning how they want to be treated by a guy they’re already in a relation-ship with. Thus, you don’t have to act like an asshole to girls you’re seeing, but you certainly shouldn’t be acting nice either. (Unless of course you enjoy ending up in the friend zone.)

Just imagine how a guy who’s successful with women would treat a girl on a first date. If such a guy were meeting a girl somewhere in his city, he probably wouldn’t overpay for a cab. Instead, he’d opt to take the subway. As he and his date walked through the subway terminal, he wouldn’t continually be looking over his shoulder to make sure she was “okay” following him in her heels.

When he was deciding where to go for a drink, he wouldn’t make sure she “approved” of the venue he chose. He’d just make a deci-sion and assume she was going to like it.

Once at the venue, he may pay for the round of drinks—remem-ber, he’s not an asshole (he’s just not unnecessarily nice).

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As he and his date conversed over the night, he wouldn’t constantly feel the need to dispel the “awkward silences” with small talk or questions. And, if she made a joke, he wouldn’t feel the need to force a laugh or even a chuckle unless he genuinely found the joke to be humorous.

After drinks, he wouldn’t hesitate to invite her back to his place. If she half-heartedly agreed, but then later refused to follow him in-side, he wouldn’t vacillate. He’d simply look at her like she was the one with the problem and say something like, “Why are you being weird?”

When they were alone at his place, he wouldn’t placate her or dance around to alleviate the tension. Nor would he make excuses for having sexual desires. Of course, if his date felt uncomfort-able, he wouldn’t push the issue or try to pressure her to have sex. Though, he wouldn’t apologize either.

No one would say this guy acted like an “asshole” on this date. He didn’t even act rude. But he didn’t act “nice” either. Rather than kissing his date’s ass and prancing around her as if she walked on water, he treated her like someone who needed to earn his ap-proval.

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That’s why the second tenet is simply remembering that no good deed will go unpunished. You’re not only ruining your own chances with your “niceness,” but you’re also robbing the girl you’re seeing of an experience of being with a desirable man.

Until you’re either dating or sleeping with her, don’t give her the chance to mistake your kindness for weakness.

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The third tenet applies to meeting women, gambling, starting a business, and other worthwhile human activi-ties. The secret succeeding rests on one simple principle:

Have a big set of balls

If you consider why failure happens, it’s often related to that one principle: someone didn’t “go big” enough. Crude as it may sound, the truth is this: “Go big or go home (and masturbate).” Like it or not, that’s a pithy encapsulation of what any guy needs to do when he’s presented a worthwhile choice.

Most guys talk a big game, but when push comes to shove, they’d much rather “play it safe” than get a set of balls. Though, rarely do such guys admit they’re lacking balls. Instead they come up with all sorts of rationalizations for their wimpy behavior, like, “I like to think things through before I take action.”

Whenever you convince yourself “not to take a risk” with some-thing worthwhile, you’re actually taking the biggest risk of all. You’re risking the worst failure imaginable, which is waking up one

rule 3 Be Ballsy

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day and realizing your life is almost over and all you have to show for it is a spattering of “woulda, shoulda, coulda” excuses.

“Woulda, shoulda, coulda” excuses are like the worthless scratched off lotto tickets you see littered on the street. Those 3 words are the jewels of failure that adorn the loser’s crown. Your entire goal in life should hinge on never uttering a single, “Woulda, shoulda, coulda.”

As you already read, a guy who’s successful with women isn’t the guy who always wins. Instead, it’s the guy who never misses the chance to take his shot. It’s the guy who goes for the girls he wants with confidence. Such a guy doesn’t wait for permission—he gives himself permission. In essence, that’s all confidence really is: a man who gives himself permission.

That attitude is the exact opposite of what the general populace believes. Most men sit around and wait for others to grant them permission. They never “go big” because no one ever gives them permission to go big.

To think of it another way, imagine this crude metaphor: putting your balls on a chopping block. If you think about that, you have a clear image of what you’re presented each time you’re faced with

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a significant life decision.

In a make-or-break moment, the types of moments that can al-ter the course of your entire life, it’s as if someone unbuckles your belt, drops your pants to your ankles, marches you to a chopping block, and gives you the choice as to whether or not you’re going to place your balls on it.

Your balls may get chopped, or they may not. But if you don’t play to win, then you’re not really playing at all. To play to win means to risk a loss. Your balls may damn well get chopped. And you know what, it’s going to hurt. You risk epic losses. You risk embar-rassment. You risk failure. You risk hurt. You risk pain. You risk it all.

But it’s only in those moments of risk that you also stand to gain it all. Rest assured that if you careen through life without taking a risk, you’re going to be singing the “woulda, shoulda, coulda” blues one day. You may never feel the sting of getting your balls chopped, but you’re also never going to experience true epic suc-cess. You’ll never rise above mediocrity.

So, when thinking of this tenet, you only have one question to ask your-self is: when your pants are dropped, and you’re marched to that chop-ping block, are you going to be man enough to place your balls on it?

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Effective speaking is one of the biggest challenges many guys face with women. Now, “effective speaking” doesn’t necessarily mean having great jokes, great banter lines, or even “something to say.” While important, that stuff is about

WHAT you’re saying.

Focusing on the content of your speaking leads to one of the most common—and most frustrating—pitfalls for most guys who study dating advice. Some guys entertain too much. Some guys acci-dentally offend women. Some guys come off weird or creep. And some even guys ruin an otherwise great interaction not because of what they said, but rather because of why they said it.

Chances are that you’ve made one of these mistakes before. It happened because you probably never considered WHY you say the things you say. Most guys blindly assume that their only pur-pose when talking to a woman is to “get her attracted” or “seduce her.”

While that’s obviously your objective when talking to attractive women, it isn’t your purpose. In fact, if you mistake “attraction” or

rule 4 speak purposefully

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“seduction” for your purpose, you’re manipulative. You’re trying to use what you say as a means to an end.

Attractive conversations don’t work like that.

When you speak with someone, the conversation is an end in itself. While there’s nothing wrong with wanting to meet, attract, and form romantic relationships with women, there is something wrong with actively trying to achieve that outcome during every moment of an interaction.

A woman’s decision to like you, date you, or sleep with you is re-ally none of your business. You have no control over that decision. You can only say what you want to say in as attractive way possi-ble (per the techniques of this book) and then you stand back and let the chips fall where they may.

“But,” you may be wondering, “Isn’t that just as meaningless as when someone says, ‘Just be yourself’?” If you’re wondering that, it’s a valid objection.

In truth, “just being yourself” IS the best way to meet and attract women. Your genuine personality is the most potent aphrodisiac you have when interacting with women. Though, it isn’t as easy as

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“just being yourself.” Being yourself isn’t “just” that simple. It’s not something you can “just” do. Weird as it sounds, it takes practice and instruction.

The reason “being yourself” isn’t “just” that easy is because every guy has expectations, assumptions, and beliefs that DISTORT who he really is. Put a hot girl in front of him and that distortion gets magnified 10-fold.

While most guys think they’re “being themselves” when speaking with a hot women, they’re actually speaking in a way that’s any-thing but themselves. As they speak, they’re desperately trying to choose their words so it aligns with what they HOPE the girl finds “attractive.”

By now you probably understand why that’s not attractive. So let’s define what is attractive: no expectations are attractive. In other words, communicating attractively with women simply means strip-ping away all the expectations, assumptions, and bad beliefs from what you say.

To do this, go out to a public place—a mall, a restaurant or café, or the street. Wait until you see a girl you find to be very attrac-tive. Once you spot her, think of what you want to say to her (go

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with the first thing that pops into your head).

Now reconsider what came to mind based on what you’re about to do: you’re going to walk over to the girl, say what you want to say to her, and then walk away. You’re not trying to start a conver-sation. You’re not trying to get her phone number. You’re not even trying to get her attracted. You’re simply communicating with a hot girl in a way that’s “being yourself.”

Knowing that, do you want to change what you’re going to say to her now?

Notice how once you when you stop trying to “get” her, your com-munication suddenly changes. For me, I used to memorize pickup lines and “routines” to say to women because I thought that’s what they wanted to hear; once I began EFFECTIVELY SPEAKING to women, I just said whatever I felt in the moment. Sometimes it was as hilarious and absurd as, “Damn! I like your face!” Stupid as that may sound, it’s completely honest!

It boils down to this: What you want to say CANNOT be manipula-tion—it has to become effective speaking. Communicate genuinely and you have the most potent aphrodisiac at your disposa for at-tracting women.

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Do this exercise (seriously). Once you understand how it feels to “be yourself,” remember it. And then, the next time you’re inter-acting with an attractive woman, consider the RULE of purposeful speaking: if all I could do is say what I’m about to say, and then the conversation ended, would I still say it? This will allow you to sepa-rate your “objective” from your “purpose.”

It’s how you’ll always “be yourself.” Your most attractive self.

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Hope stinks. The definition of hope is “the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best.” That’s a nice mantra for the spectators of the world — those who enjoy watching life from afar

and “hope” to catch a stray scrap or rolling crumb of awesome-ness. However, for those who want to suck the marrow from life, achieve their dreams and fantasies, and date hotter girls, hope just doesn’t cut it.

At all.

“Hope” keeps more men single and lonely than any other word in the English language. Hope is predicated on a “feeling” that what you want will be miraculously placed within your grasp — just by dint of hoping for it. Hope precludes responsibility. It suppresses action. Hope doesn’t spring eternal—hope thwarts eternal.

In dating, how many guys “hope” to meet the right girl? Or “hope” they’ll get lucky? Though, ironically, attracting women necessitates you trade in hope for reality. You must trade a “future fantasy” for present-tense action. It’s trading thinking for knowing. Swapping

rule 5 stop HopinG and start movinG

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theory for experience.

In our hope-obsessed culture, we don’t want to offend people with the truth. Most people shy away from the truth, holding onto to their fantasies. But it’s only when you’re ready for the truth that you can give up hope and start living in reality. Making this deci-sion may be uncomfortable, but it’s the only way to improve your dating life.

The truth can be harsh and extremely unfunny — like learning the girl you were watching from afar and “hoping” would like you turns out to have a boyfriend, or doesn’t feel the same about you, or some other truth that contradicts the mirage of hope you built up in your head. Learning the truth is not always as “fun” as living in hope.

But it’s always more real. And it’s the only way you’re ever going to achieve your goals.

It’s somewhat ridiculous that an entire tenet hinges on deconstruct-ing one overused word in the “Hallmark vocabulary.” Unwiring the myth that surrounds hope is something so simple and obvious, yet few have the balls to attempt it.

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Ask yourself: how many times has hope given you an excuse not to do what you know you wanted to do? Whether it was talk to an attractive girl, ask a girl out, go for a kiss, or make a move — what talked you out of it? I’ll tell you what did: hope.

You were paralyzed by hope. By not talking to an attractive girl, by not asking a girl out, by not going for a kiss, and by not mak-ing a move, you convinced yourself that you’d rather live with your sense of hope rather than live in reality. Rather than risk rejection, you decided to play it safe by staying hopeful. You probably ra-tionalized, “I’ll talk to her later” or “I’ll make a move when I know exactly what I’m doing.” Your decision wasn’t focused on learning the truth about the situation—it was focused on holding on to the hope in your head.

We’ve all made such cowardly “hopeful” decisions. We all under-stand how addictive and alluring hope can be. It can take a lot of time and many slaps of “harsh reality” before you finally under-stand the importance of shrugging off hope—once and for all.

Begin by letting this tenet warn you of the dangers of hope. If you’re to realize your potential in dating, you need to learn for yourself the importance of kicking your habit of hope. And, yes, it will take some time and slaps of “harsh reality.” But, in the end,

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you’ll have a first-hand understanding of confidence, women, and yourself.

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To understand this tenet, imagine if you were trying to figure out whether or not a guy was good with women. Chances are, you’d only need to see him talk to one girl to figure out if he was good with women or not. And it

wouldn’t necessarily matter if he “got” the girl.

That’s because there are really only two ways to tell if a guy’s good with women. When he approaches, are the girls:

1. Loving him, or2. Hating him?

Whether she loves or hates him, if she feels either, the guy elic-ited a response. Hence, every guy who’s successful with women does one thing well: they elicit a response. Guys who are good with women doesn’t get “lukewarm” responses. They don’t have “polite chats” nor do girls dismiss them nicely.

Instead, these guys get fireworks either way. You’ll see girls jump-ing all over them or running far away from them. There’s really not much middle ground.

rule 6 take a fire, aim, ready approacH

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Most guys don’t have the balls to play “the game” like this. The vast majority of guys try to meet women in a way that’s safe and cowardly. And so most “dating advice” is written for men who want to avoid rejection by getting it “perfect.”

This “perfection paradigm” is why so many men feel anxiety around women. We call it a “paradigm” because it’s the “mental filter” guys use to guide their actions when interacting with women. Rather than “eliciting a response” (which sometimes leads to social friction), most guys try to politely avoid friction by being “perfect.”

If you’ve ever been “stuck in your head,” this is why. If you’ve ever fallen victim to “over-thinking” an interaction with a woman, this is why. It’s all because you believed in the “perfection paradigm.”

News flash: meeting women is anything but perfect; in fact, if you ever pickup a woman “perfectly,” it probably means you did something wrong!

Rather than expect perfection, shift your paradigm: expect some friction. When we switched our “paradigm” and started going to nightclubs expecting to get slapped or expecting to offend wom-en, we started getting better results! Sure we encountered some

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friction along the way—but that’s where the real game is played.

Here’s a simple way to think about this paradigm:

Meeting women is about doing what you want, when you want, with the girl you want. And so your “game” is simply about tactfully handling the social friction you encounter when you do what you want, when you want, with the girl you want.

Notice: “the game” only begins when she puts the brakes on and you hit some friction. This may sound simple, but think of how dif-ferent this is from the “perfection paradigm.” In the past, you probably interacted with women reactively. That’s because most guys adhere to a “ready, aim, fire” approach.

Instead, do the inverse of that: try a “fire, aim, ready” approach. Sure it might not sound as pretty as the old paradigm, nor is it as intuitive, nor does it cater to cowards who crave “perfection,” yet it’s what works, time after time.

The game is played in damage control; it’s not played walking on eggshells, trying to appease people and get it “perfect.” So get over your anxiety around women by getting over yourself. It’s not about being “perfect”—the old paradigm. It’s about acting in

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alignment with your honest intentions. If you’re in front of an at-tractive woman, your honest intention is intimacy with her, right? So why hide it?

Show her how you feel by doing what you want. When she doesn’t like it, you’ll deal with it. In fact, you’ll enjoy dealing with it.

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One of the most important rules of attracting women is to not make it obvious you’re out to attract women. A way to remember this is with a Date Hotter Girls man-tra:

A guy who’s good with women is easy to identify, but hard to notice.

Conversely, if you’ve ever spotted a guy who looks as if he’s trying to attract women, chances are that guy’s probably doing poorly in the ladies department. Telltale signs that give away these guys are all body language cues: nervously flailing hands, tentative fa-cial expressions, and pecking their heads toward women as they keep their body at a “polite” distance away. These guys would probably look as if they were talking “at” women and not to women.

Unfortunately, it’s very hard to avoid these mistakes when there’s a woman in front of you. Interacting with a hot woman is an intense experience. Your body responds to the intensity with the bad body language mentioned above—usually without you even realizing that it’s happening! Unless you’ve seen yourself picking up women

rule 7 say more WitH Body lanGuaGe

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from a third-person perspective, your biggest mistakes are prob-ably happening unconsciously.

While you may blame your failures on what you said, or your in-ability to execute some tip or strategy, sometimes your rejections stem from things you’re not even aware you’re doing. Trust us: it’s our job to critique men picking up women every weekend and un-attractive body language is the culprit of most failed pickups.

Although, if you can just keep a couple pointers in mind, you can make sure your body language speaks FOR you—not AGAINST you. In addition, holding yourself in an attractive way has the side benefit of calming your mind and keeping you feeling confident when speaking to an attractive woman.

Essential 1: Thumbs + Back Pockets = WinYour hands are your biggest enemy when speaking with women. While it feels as if you’re emphasizing what you’re saying with some hand flourish, you’re really making yourself look nervous and homosexual (sometimes even like a nervous homosexual).

Don’t let your hands repel women. Instead, hook your thumbs into your back pockets right as you begin an interaction with a woman. If your thumbs remain planted in your back pockets, you hands

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won’t fly around wildly as you’re speaking. Moreover, your chest will protrude naturally, which gets you to speak from your dia-phragm.

Essential 2: The Power of the SmirkThe faces men make when talking to women are usually atrocious. While they’re often too goofy or too serious, one flaw usually un-derlies all unattractive facial expressions: they’re too transparent. Men telegraph their emotional state to a woman with the faces they make. If you’re beaming an ear-to-ear, shit-eating grin, she’ll see you as a clown. If you’re looking at her with a stolid frown like a man headed to the electric chair, she’ll know you take yourself way too seriously.

So what facial expression is attractive? The answer lies in the smirk. A smirk—unlike a smile or a grin—is a smug, self-satisfied expression that screams: I love myself, but I also like what I see in front of me. A good smirk is the lovechild of a sarcastic smile and a big-ass grin with a sprinkle of irony.

Imagine how your face would say, “I care about you…kinda.” If you can manage to get that look on your face, you’ve mastered the all-sexy smirk. It will feel like you’re speaking to women while being tickled by the Hand of God.

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Essential 3: The Lost Secret of Strong Eye ContactMaintaining strong eye contact is one of the most obvious—yet most overlooked—aspects of a great interaction. Most people can only hold “polite” eye contact—which is completely different from “strong” eye contact. If you were on a job interview or talk-ing to a friend, you’d probably make “polite” eye contact, which means you’d hold eye contact for a few seconds, and then break it to maintain a sense of comfort. (Only a psycho would make strong eye contact with everyone.)

When attracting women, however, strong eye is the only eye con-tact. Rather than “maintaining a sense of comfort” you want to in-ject sexual tension. Whenever you break eye contact, you deflect that tension.

As men, it’s our job to create sexual tension, whereas it’s a woman’s job to deflect that tension. Don’t do her job for her by making “po-lite” eye contact. Look into her eyes until she looks away every mo-ment you can.

Essential 4: Personal Space is for WimpsLike polite eye contact, personal space is a folkway that exists outside of attracting women. While leaving someone “personal

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space” may be polite, it’s not seductive. Therefore, whenever you’re interacting with a woman, cut the space between the two of you as quickly as possible.

For example, use the introductory handshake to yank a girl closer to you. By significantly cutting the space between you and a wom-an, you make it seem less like a pickup attempt and more like two people who are already attracted to one another.

Remember: if it looks like you’re trying to attract a woman, you’re probably not doing it correctly. Only amateurs try to make wom-en feel “comfortable” when they’re attracted to her; real men know attraction is predicated on emotions, which is the antithesis of comfort. Stop acting polite…and start getting bold and ballsy.

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You’ve probably heard the saying: “Get the swagger, get the girls.” You can probably picture it, too. Guys who are naturally attractive to women just carry themselves differently from the guys sitting on the sidelines.

Men with swagger seem more relaxed, more at ease, and more ready to laugh; yet, they also seem more alert, more in-tune, and more sure of themselves. People might say, “Oh that’s just the way he is…” and never attempt to put swagger in their step. However, cultivating swagger is simply a byproduct of two converging forc-es:

1. Your beliefs and 2. Your emotional state.

A man’s belief system is probably the greatest or worst investment he will ever make in himself. Literally, what a man believes will shape every second of his life. No amount of money or success can remedy a set of bad beliefs. Conversely, no amount of bad luck can shake a man who has positive beliefs.

rule 8 alWays Have sWaGGer

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To get “swagger” you have to wake up believing everyone is your friend. Literally, people are either your supportive cheerleaders, or they don’t exist at all. There is no room for haters. If someone wants to be hater that person gets promptly ignored.

Any swagger worth its sway repels negativity and attracts awe-someness—haters do not apply!

Next, guys with swagger are guys who live by their own stan-dards. If you’re strutting a sexy swagger, you don’t have time to survey everyone you pass and find out if they approve. Walking with a swagger is the exact opposite of walking on eggshells. Men with swagger are men-on-the-move, stomping those eggshells into oblivion!

To them, sitting around and fretting whether or not they’re “offend-ing” people is a big waste of time. In fact, true swagger must be offensive to some people. Sidelined haters who cannot process the inherent awesomeness of swagger and so they lash out because the swagger is so money. So before you put the haters on ignore, thank them as they are letting you know that you have swagged correct.

Another belief in the king’s crown of swaggerers is the belief that

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hooking up with a girl is as much of a win for her as it is for you. Sounds obvious, yet how many guys drive themselves crazy over making the “perfect” impression? While there’s absolutely nothing wrong with taking pride in everything you do (in fact, that’s a big part of having a swagger), there’s something very wrong in doing something simply to “impress” another person.

That, by definition, is manipulation. If you are a guy who truly be-lieves that a man (with a swagger) and a girl hooking up is a big win for both parties, then you are a guy who saves himself a ton of girl-related headaches. If not, those headaches are putting a kink in your swagger! So change them!

With positive beliefs, your swag is halfway there. To get the other half swagging, get some good emotions flowing. While emotions change on a moment-to-moment basis, there are ways to exert some consistency over your emotional health.

Just like listening to the Rocky soundtrack will get you amped for the gym, you should know what gets you feeling awesome. For ex-ample, many guys find doing cardio workouts or lifting weights puts them in a positive mood.

Also, eating healthy foods and drinking lots of water also helps.

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Perhaps the quickest and most effective “emotional pump-up” is simply beaming a smirk. It’s impossible to simultaneously feel neg-ative and beam a smirk (remember that!). The smirk always wins, and an avalanche of positive feeling quickly sweep over your body.

If you cement the beliefs and habits above, you will exude attrac-tive confidence with every step you take.

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Objectification. It’s a word that elicits eye rolls and tired sighs from most red-blooded, heterosexual men. Whenever uttered, echoes of moralizing feminism come to mind.

However, it’s important to explore the taboo of objectification not so much for its ethical connotations, but because, for most guys, it’s the piece that’s missing in their ultimate success with women. Because whenever you objectify someone, you fail to fully under-stand them—and understanding people is one of most important aspects of attraction and healthy relationships.

First, let’s clearly define objectification. The obvious definition of “objectification” is when you look at woman as a sexual object—not a human. While this is correct, the definition runs much deeper than that…

Objectification simply means reducing someone to a “means to an end.” So while an objectified woman may be a means to a sexual end, there are plenty of other examples of objectification: you could see your friends as a means to your social status end, dating

rule 9 Humanize everyone

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a writer as a means to an information end, etc.

We objectify people every day without even realizing it. Just think about the cashier you only see as a means to a purchasing end or the boss you only see as a means to a financial end.

The brutal truth is that objectifying people makes life simpler. It makes tough emotions easier to swallow. It’s easy to hate a boss when you objectify him, seeing him only as a hindrance to your fi-nancial success.

If you had to imagine your boss humanized—imagine tears run-ning down his face over a recently passed away parent, imagine him as a 6-year-old boy who’d just unwrapped his first bicycle at Christmas, imagine him as a living, sentient person—it would be much harder to hate him. You couldn’t sit there and blame the faceless boss for all your financial troubles. Objectification hap-pens because it’s too hard to resist.

But getting back to dating, once guys begin to understand women, many go the “Way of the Player.” In other words, these guys be-come only interested sex and often equate their self-worth with the number of women they took home that month. While it’d be hypo-critical of us to condemn such thinking, we can tell you that living in

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such a way won’t make you happy, and it’s not the success you en-visioned for yourself when you got into dating advice.

Instead, habitually objectifying people will extend well beyond your interactions with women, corrupting every other aspect of your life—from your relationships with your friends, family, co-workers, and people you encounter throughout your day.

Life is not a zero-sum competition.

Living as if life were a zero-sum competition will prevent you from ever meeting your dream girl. Now we’re not going to go all Dis-ney on you and start talking about soul mates, you probably have an image in your head of your “ideal girl.” You probably can imagine how she looks, acts, dresses, smells. Probably you’d trade sex with 100 random women just to be with that one girl.

That dream girl, however, will remain just “a dream” if you don’t learn how to stop objectifying people. By definition you cannot build a relationship—which hinges on human emotion—while see-ing your partner as a “means to an end.” The only relationship you can possibly have with your dream girl is one that is a relationship for a relationship’s sake—not merely a means to some alternative end.

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Always see the girl in front of you as more than a means to an end, and instead enjoy her for who she is: an attractive woman you’re getting to know. Tapping into your empathy will make you naturally curious about her—a universally sexy trait. Cultivating your empathetic side will make you a better listener, more passion-ate lover, and an overall more attractive man.

Don’t let habitual objectification become a cancer that destroys your life—both romantic and nonromantic. Instead, get to know the person in front of you— whether it’s that hotty as the bar or the awkward teenager handing you change at the grocery store. That’s the only way you’ll be ready to attract your dream girl, when you find her.

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TheManformationafterword

I could almost see his spirit laid across the floor, shattered, crunching underneath the bustle of a Lower East Side wine bar. I stood off in the corner, not unlike a trainer during a 12-round boxing match. I was ready to yell some motivational tidbits in

his ear, or do what little I could to dress his wounds, but not much more.

At least a dozen times that night I spat my personal mantra at him: It’s not about them; it’s about you. Now he was learning just what that meant, rather brutally. He’d come to this program with 24 years of bad decisions, and we were trying to reverse that in

niGHt aBout Him l e G e n d s o f d a t e H o t t e r G i r l s

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The ManformationD a t e H o t t e r G i r l s . c o m

a single weekend. For 24 harsh years it’d been about them—their idea of how he should live, how he should act. Now, for the last 24 hours, he’d made it about him.

“What do you talk about,” I’d asked him earlier that evening, “when you talk to women?”

He considered his answer and mumbled, “I don’t know…”

“How don’t you know?” I demanded, making sure there was a little bite in my voice, “Do words just spew from your face?”

“No,” he backtracked. “I guess I just make small talk, ask them about themselves, recite routines.”

“Stop doing that,” I snapped. “For now on, you speak in alignment with your values.”

Speak in alignment with your values. As the words spewed from my face, I realized how ridiculous the phrase must have sounded. I chided myself for being too esoteric, too self-helpish. I took a sip of my Blue Moon, leaned forward, and clarified, “Look. You’re liv-ing by other people’s standards. And an obvious symptom of that is the way you’re talking to people. Making small talk, asking a

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woman about herself, or reciting a routine does not set you up to have the sort of conversations you want to be having, now does it?”

“No,” he agreed, “It doesn’t.”

“Exactly,” I smiled. “You’d much rather be enjoying yourself. Given the choice between enjoying yourself or making small talk, you’d pick enjoying yourself, right?”

“Right.”

“But you’re talking the way you are because you think that’s a nec-essary step to get yourself—and the girl you’re interacting with—to enjoy the interaction.”

He thought about this, and then nodded.

“Your entire communication strategy,” I went on, my voice pick-ing up momentum. “Is based around other people’s standards. You think by appeasing someone else’s values first, you’ll be rewarded. You think by giving her what you think she wants, she’ll give you what you want.”

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I took another sip of Blue Moon, letting the point sink in.

“You’re not going to do that anymore. The point of this weekend isn’t to give you a new set of values—it’s simply to get you living in alignment with the values you already have. Since you paid to attend a weekend program to meet women, obviously that’s some-thing you value. I mean—you didn’t pay to come on a weekend program to make small talk, did you?”

He chuckled. I couldn’t tell if the laughter was genuine, nervous, or both.

I went on, “So if meeting women is something you value, meeting women is what you talk about. Everything you say—from the first words out of your mouth—has to align with what you value. For me, I have a habit of telling women that they’re adorable and I had to meet them. It’s a horrible pickup line, but at least it’s honest. It’s an expression of what I value.”

Even though he remained quiet, I knew he was getting it.

“You have to make everything about you. I don’t mean that in a selfish or arrogant way. But your only shot at attracting a woman is attracting her through your values. Everything else is just smoke

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and mirrors.”

I tilted my head back to finish off the Blue Moon. Slapping the bottle down onto the table, I concluded with the words that were to echo throughout the evening: “It’s not about them; it’s about you.”

He scampered toward another group of women. As he made he way through the crowd, my heart shook my ribcage like a desper-ate inmate trying to bend the prison bars of his captivity. It was as if my heart wanted to leap from my chest, plop onto the trampled barroom floor, and slink behind him as he approached.

I felt as if the world suddenly grinded to a halt, suspending the moment so I could take a mental snapshot that would allow me to remember it forever. I can still recall everything, from irrelevant details like the color of the shirt of the bartender was wearing (white, v-neck) to the ominous New Wave song that blasted out of the speakers (Tears for Fears “Shout”).

As he pushed forward—facing rejection after rejection—I knew he was chiseling out a new fate for himself. While he logically under-stood everything I’d told him, he had to understand it emotionally.

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And that was something I had no control over. All I could do was sit back and watch.

But, in that moment, as he made his way to do another approach, I realized what I was witnessing. This wasn’t some dude acting like a pest at a pretentious Lower East Side wine bar. This was a man breaking out of his cocoon of passive acceptable. While it pained me to watch him get brutalized by girl after girl, it had to hap-pen. When you step into your power, make it about you, and throw yourself into the arena of proactivity, bad reactions are waiting for you. Any hint of weakness or uncertainty is ferreted out, ex-posed, and mocked.

Yet, he accepted those terms. His decision was symbolized each time he got back up. Each time he turned around and approached the next girl. And the next girl. And the girl after that. With ev-ery approach, he came into closer alignment with his values. He took my phrase—ridiculous as it sounded earlier that evening—and made it completely not ridiculous. He made it something he was living by. He was transforming his understanding from logic to emotion.

He was transforming into a man. He’d made it about him.

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