Dealing with Difficult People

OBJECTIVESFollowing completion of this session you will be able to:

• Identify three types of difficult people• Identify methods for dealing with difficult people•Develop your own category•Discuss dealing with difficult parents/guardians•Discuss the acronym CLEAR for dealing with

difficult parenting situations•Develop an acronym for personal use in dealing

with difficult youth or parents/guardians

Six Types of PeopleIn life, there are six types of categories many people fall into, especially in group settings:

The Know-It-AllsCharacteristics:• Self-appointed experts• Speak with great authority about subjects they may know

little about• Believe they have all the answers• Feeling they have the facts makes them feel powerful

Strategies:• Help them see other points of view• Don’t challenge their knowledge• Paraphrase back what they said, seeking understanding• If you object, ask questions…do not accuse or point fingers

The PassivesCharacteristics:• Silent and unresponsive at times• Don’t want to be blamed for a wrong answer• Afraid of making enemies or saying something incorrect• Can often possess hidden agendas

Strategies:• Get them engaged with smaller groups• Pause to allow more them for them to respond if desired• Ask open-ended questions, not ‘yes’ or ‘no’ questions• Don’t ‘call them out’…wait for them to engage• Provide positive reinforcement when they do engage

The DictatorCharacteristics:• Very strong sense of what others should feel, do and say• Have to prove they are right in all situations• Feel threatened by new suggestions and ideas• Rule by “It’s my way or the highway” mentality

Strategies:• Use ‘I feel’ statements when responding to them• Be respectful but still stand for what you believe in• Use eye contact and a confident posture when speaking

with them, especially in group settings• Validate that you understand and acknowledge their point

of view• Offer concrete plans for action, not just ideas

The ‘Yes’ PeopleCharacteristics:• Will agree to anything asked of them• Typically never able to follow through on tasks• Often give excuses• Want everyone to get along, don’t like disagreements or

confrontations

Strategies:• Let them know you do not expect miracles, but do

expect tasks to be completed• Allow them time to speak and be honest without negative

repercussions or accusations• Work with them to find a win-win solution

The ‘No’ PeopleCharacteristics:• Always see problems, never solutions• Focus on negative things rather than positive things• Often tear others down or shut down creative processes• Unable to ‘think outside the box’

Strategies:• Confront their negativity with positive comments• Don’t engage them in an argument• Don’t try to convince them they are wrong• Ask “What’s the worst that could happen”• Never make them feel isolated or that everyone is

against them

The GriperCharacteristics:• Use a whining tone that blames and/or accuses others• Often play the role of a victim• Want solutions to problems but rely on others to solve

problems• Personal motto “I told you so…”

Strategies:• Stay positive and realistic in situations• Avoid arguments and stick to the facts• Never apologize for their actions or behaviors• Ask them what they hope to accomplish with their

complaints

Quick StrategiesDealing with difficult people can be very draining. Whatever the situation, you should work to prepare yourself, even with quick strategies like the following:• Inner Shield – Keep the negative out• Words – Keep them powerful, skillful and defend your point of

view• Negotiation – Work for win-win; use active listening and do not

point fingers• Humor – Keep comments general, not directed toward anyone

or any groups; use to appropriately defuse tense situations

Team ActivityWorking as a team, you will need to complete the following steps:Your team is responsible for creating a NEW category of people (cannot duplicate those already mentioned). Your brief-out will need to include the following:

• Title/name of your new category• Characteristics of those who ‘fit’ this category

▫ REMEMBER: Specific names of individuals not allowed• At least a 2-minute presentation to the large group

Difficult Parents/GuardiansTeachers, coaches and friends are not the only difficult people we may encounter in our lives. What about our parents/guardians? How many times have you wondered…• Why can’t they just see things from my point of view?• Why do they always have to make such a big deal about everything?• Why are they always checking up on me?• Why can’t they just let me live my life?

ANSWER: Because they love you and care about you and always want to ensure you are safe, happy and healthy!

CLEAR ModelThe following model can help us when dealing with all types of difficult people. You just need to remember CLEAR:

C: Connect…• Work to find something you have in common• Show genuine care and concern• Focus on positives rather than negatives

CLEAR Continued…L: Listen…• Focus on what the person is saying• Paraphrase statements back to them, seeking

understanding• Avoid interrupting

E: Empathy…• Focus on their words and feelings• Work to understand their point of view• Avoid personalizing statements or attacks

CLEAR Continued…A: Acknowledge…• Seek first to understand, they to be understood• Do not diminish their feelings or thoughts• Value their contributions

R: Request…• Ask versus demand• Engage in open communication; using control only causes

resentment and resistance• Upon completion of request, follow-up with personal ‘thank

you’

Team ActivityAs a team, you are going to develop your own acronym for dealing with difficult people. You team will have approximately 10-15 minutes to…• Develop their acronym• Create a team poster (using provided materials)• Present acronym and poster to larger group

OBJECTIVESFollowing completion of this session you will be able to:

• Identify three types of difficult people• Identify methods for dealing with difficult people•Develop your own category•Discuss dealing with difficult parents/guardians•Discuss the acronym CLEAR for dealing with

difficult parenting situations•Develop an acronym for personal use in dealing

with difficult youth or parents/guardians

QUESTIONS

What questions are there at this time?