Dealing With Difficult Personalities

Shepell.fgi 2 Confidential – Not for Distribution

Objectives

In this seminar, we will …

• Discuss what a ‘difficult person’ is

• Identify common types of difficult people

• Gain an understanding of peoples’ motivations and needs

• Learn TIPS for dealing with difficult people

• Recognize areas for personal development!

Shepell.fgi 3 Confidential – Not for Distribution

What is a ‘Difficult Person’?

Difficult behaviour:

Bothers YOU personally, but may not bother everyone, may not be constant, and isn’t universally negative. A ‘difficult person’:

Is someone who exhibits difficult behaviour in a way that bothers MANY people, MOST of the time, and is most often unhelpful or disruptive.

Shepell.fgi 4 Confidential – Not for Distribution

Types of Difficult Personalities

Bully Gossip

People

Pleaser

Martyr Complainer

Know-It-All

More

Aggressive

More

Passive

Shepell.fgi 5 Confidential – Not for Distribution

Bully

Motivations: POWER and LOOKING GOOD

Behaviours: Aggressive, arrogant, pushy, rude & demeaning

Helpful Tips:

• Stand up to bullying behaviour

• Respond to friendly overtures

• Don’t embarrass them

• Get the result by sharing the credit

• Stroke their ego

• Remind them to be a ‘team-player’

Shepell.fgi 6 Confidential – Not for Distribution

Gossip

Motivations: ATTENTION and POPULARITY

Behaviours: Gossiping, backstabbing, attention-seeking

Helpful Tips:

• Share your discomfort with gossiping

• Don’t confide in them

• Don’t participate in listening to their stories

• Defend the people who aren’t present

Shepell.fgi 7 Confidential – Not for Distribution

People Pleaser

Motivations: HELPING OTHERS and BEING LIKED

Behaviours: Passive, over committing, indecisive

Helpful Tips: • Challenge their over-commitments

• Encourage them to express their displeasure

• Coach them to stand up for themselves

• Help them to recognize when others are taking advantage

• Teach them to say ‘no’

• Remind them they can’t please everyone

Shepell.fgi 8 Confidential – Not for Distribution

Martyr

Motivations: SYMPATHY and ATTENTION

Behaviours: Complain, melodramatic, attention-seekers

Helpful Tips:

• Cautiously offer empathy

• Say ‘no’ to their volunteering

• Help them to manage their time better

• Do not fall into the trap of feeling guilty

• Recognize any truth in their complaints and fix the situation

Shepell.fgi 9 Confidential – Not for Distribution

Complainer

Motivations: MISERY LOVES COMPANY

Behaviours: Complaining, negativity, critical of others, worrier

Helpful Tips:

• Create an environment where complainer feels heard

• Listen without passing judgment

• Assign them to problem-solving tasks

• Protect your own attitude

• Don’t join and begin to complain yourself

Shepell.fgi 10 Confidential – Not for Distribution

Know-It-All

Motivations: EGO, ACCURACY and CONTROL

Behaviours: Arrogant, perfectionist, wants their way, nit-picky

Helpful Tips: • Don’t be too quick to dismiss the ideas

• Acknowledge their expertise

• Know your facts

• Point out errors with care and diplomacy

• Try not to point out your own credentials & expertise

• If you think you’re right, don’t let them dominate the conversation

Shepell.fgi 11 Confidential – Not for Distribution

General Coping Strategies

Give up the need to be right

Find some truth in the complaint/problem and admit it

Do not defend yourself

Regain control by stopping the exchange

Get help from co-worker, manager, etc.

See the positive side in others…

Shepell.fgi 12 Confidential – Not for Distribution

See the Positive Side in Others

Every personality has inherent strengths and weaknesses…

Bully: Confident, perseverance, outgoing

Gossip: Social, makes connections

People-Pleaser: Always helps out, agreeable, nurturing

Martyr: Voices inequities in employee treatment

Complainer: ‘Devils Advocate’, spots mistakes

Know-it-All: Accurate, thorough, has expertise

Shepell.fgi 13 Confidential – Not for Distribution

Is it possible that YOU are a ‘difficult person’ at times?

• Does any difficult “type” sound familiar to YOU?

• Ask your Manager directly for input and feedback.

• Do you have room for improvement?

• Which behaviours do you currently exhibit?

• What is one behaviour that you resolve to STOP DOING?

How Can YOU Improve?

Shepell.fgi 14 Confidential – Not for Distribution

Summary

In this seminar, you have learned…

• What a ‘difficult person’ is

• To identify different types of difficult people

• To understand their motivations and needs

• Tips on dealing with difficult people

• To recognize areas of personal development

Questions