D’ei Chochmah L’Nafshechah Parshas … Va'eschanan...D’ei Chochmah L’Nafshechah Parshas Va’eschanan 5 strategy to win. He will force himself to stay up long hours, day and

D’ei Chochmah L’Nafshechah Parshas Va’eschanan

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Shalosh Seudos1 of Parshas Va’eschanan 5768

“Rabbi Shimon ben Gamliel said: There were never festivals for Yisrael

like the fifteenth of Av and Yom Kippur. During these times the daughters of

Yerushalayim would go out in white garments which all would borrow so as not to

embarrass those who did not have their own. All of these garments required ritual

immersion [so as not to embarrass those whose garments were ritually defiled and

required tevilah]. The daughters of Yerushalayim would go out and dance in the

vineyards. What would they say? ‘Young man, lift up your eyes and pay attention

to what you choose for yourself. Do not focus your gaze on beauty. Look instead for

a good family. As the verse states, ‘Grace is false and beauty is vanity. A woman

who fears Hashem is to be praised.’ The verse continues: ‘Give her from the fruits

of her labors and her works will be praised in the gates of the city.’”2

Self-Promotion

The Gemara records what each woman said to convince the men who attended

that they should be chosen. “Those of good family would say, ‘Look at the family, since

the primary purpose of marriage is to have children.’ Those who were unattractive

would say, ‘Take your marriage partner for the sake of heaven. But only on condition

that you will adorn her with gold.’

The Gemara continues: “Ulah Bira’ah said in the name of Rabbi Elazar: ‘In the

ultimate future Hashem will make a circle-dance for the righteous. He will sit among

them in Gan Eden and each one will point with his finger. As the verse states, ‘And they

will say on that day, “Behold, this is the G-d we hoped to and He delivered us. This is

Hashem we hoped in; we will rejoice and be gladdened in His salvation.”’”

1 The lesson was delivered at the third meal of Shabbos. 2 Taanis 4:8; Taanis 31


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Tu B’Av in Netzach and Yesod

The Arizal writes that the sefirah of Netzach is revealed on Tu B’Av.3 Yet in

another place he says that the sefirah of Yesod is revealed on that day.4 The meaning of

this apparent contradiction is that the fifteen of Av essentially relates to the sefirah of

Yesod. We can understand this since many matches were finalized on this day. As our

sages tell us, “The daughters of Yisrael would go out…”5 Of course, a match requires a

matchmaker. This “shadchan” is the sefirah of Netzach which literally means “victory”

and connotes perseverance in the face of challenge. At first both parties to the match

have doubts whether the other person is truly the right one. It is the determination of the

shadchan that irons out the difficulties and completes the shidduch.

This is the strength of the true tzaddik who says, "גמרתי ואגמור" —“I have

finished and I will finish.”6 [The full quote of Rebbe Nachman of Breslov is, “I have

been victorious and I will be victorious; I have finished and I will finish.”] This signifies

that the main task of the tzaddik is to complete the shidduch between Hashem and the

Shechinah. [The Shechinah signifies the revelation of Hashem’s presence in this

material world through our actions, speech, and thoughts. “Completing the shidduch

between Hashem and the Shechinah” means that the Jewish people—and subsequently

the entire world—attain a deep consciousness of Hashem in every action, word, and

thought.] Even when there are many barriers, as the verse in our parshah states, “And

Hashem was angry with me [Moshe Rabbeinu] because of you [the Jewish people],”7

the tzaddik declares, “I have finished and I will finish.”

The task of every Jew is to enter into the aspect of Netzach, holy victory, which

is above reason or one’s feelings of the moment. Commitment to victory imparts vast

spiritual strength to achieve one’s goal. We can understand this from when a person is

involved in a struggle with an antagonist; he will work hard and try any possible

3 Pri Eitz Chaim, Mikrah Kodesh, Chapter 4 4 Ibid, Sha'ar Chag Hashavuos, Chapter 1 5 Taanis 31 6 Chayei Moharan #218. 7 Devarim 3:26


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strategy to win. He will force himself to stay up long hours, day and night, until he

defeats his nemesis. It is because the source of Netzach is above the mochin of

Chochmah-Binah-Da’as, because its spiritual root transcend thought itself, that this

attribute can awaken such astonishing strength of character. It is specifically through

this characteristic that the tzaddikim succeed in completing the shidduch between

ourselves and our Father in heaven.

“Marry for the Sake of Heaven”

The Gemara cites various points that different women would emphasize. Those

of good family would focus on children, while the less comely would tell people to

marry for the sake of heaven.

These two statements encapsulate the essence of Tu B’Av. We must always

recall that Hashem chose us due to His great love for us. Each and every Jew is

preciously beloved to Hashem, whatever his level. Even if he is poor, “The only poverty

is poverty of the mind.”8 Even if one’s actions are not seemly, nevertheless one must

accept the aspect of Netzach, the attribute of Moshe Rabbeinu [who is also associated

with Netzach in the order of the Ushpizin on Sukkos]. It is through each of us that the

tzaddik moves to victory and completes the heavenly shidduch. Even when it appears as

though we are distant from Hashem this is only an illusion since we are all bound to

Hashem. We are His betrothed, as Hoshea HaNavi so movingly states.9

This is the deeper meaning of the plea of the women who are not so lovely:

“Marry for the sake of heaven, l’shem shomayim.” The word “shem” alludes to [שם]

Malchus. [Just as a name is not the essence of a person, Malchus is not Hashem’s

essence, merely what the essence is called. Since Malchus has nothing of her own, she is

called “a name” since whatever she has is shined into her from above. All that she has is

hers in name only, for only as long as the light shines in.] “Shomayim” [ alludes to [שמים

Ze’ir Anpin and the Shem HaVaYaH [which more closely describes Hashem’s essence].

8 Yalkut Shimoni, Yechezkel 12; Nedarim 31 9 Hoshea 2:21-22


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This statement hints at our union with Hashem above. Even if our actions aren’t pretty,

we still can—and must—unite Hashem and the Shechinah.

Every Jew is a portion of the Shechinah [since we are all a “portion of G-d from

above”]. No matter what we may have done, this is who we are. Every form of pain and

suffering that arises is merely to remind us that we have more to do to complete the

yichud by returning to closeness with Hashem. Different people lack different things:

some people do not have children, while others are unhealthy; others lack for money and

still others have not yet found their mate, and so on. The tzaddik takes that which we

lack and makes a vessel from it to complete the yichud. [The quality of a vessel is that it

is empty. The lack is the sense of our reliance on Hashem’s assistance and influence.

One can only build a vessel from that which is lacking.] They do this since all forms of

suffering are merely a reflection of the pain of the community as a whole. Yet everyone

searches for the same solution. We all want to transform the letters צרה, pain, into צהר,

illumination. We do this through shining the light of yichud into the world by

connecting to Hashem, each person according to his own capacity [and the vessel

formed by that which he lacks].

The Personal and the Communal

Every Jew must certainly pray to Hashem to deliver him from his personal

hardships, since the person who focuses only on the suffering of the Shechinah is very

rare. As the Vilna Gaon taught, there are exceptional individuals who even during the

Yomim Noraim pray for the Shechinah. Yet it is forbidden to lie to Hashem. If one feels

his own pain and not the lack of the Shechinah, how can he lie to Hashem and pray for

the Shechinah if this is not the truth in his heart?

For this reason, when one is not on this level, he must beg Hashem about his

own pain, asking Him to grant his heart’s desire. Yet he must also recall that he is a part

of the Shechinah and the inner dimension of what happens to him is a reflection of the

pain of the Shechinah, who waits for the illumination of the supernal union. Even if one

feels completely distant from this level, the Baal HaTanya reveals that in his innermost


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self there is a level which is not at all far from the Shechinah. It is our task to arouse this

point.

The Strength to Serve Hashem

The avodah of Tu B’Av is to utilize the light of Netzach and Yesod. Every Jew

receives heavenly strength to achieve victory. The main triumph is attained by first

honestly evaluating of our strength, since the main reason people fall is through lack of

faith in their ability change for the better. This is another way to understand the verse,

"בי למענכם' ויתעבר ה" —“And Hashem was angry with me because of you.” The word

can be read to mean that one has returned to the state of ibur, gestation. This ויתעבר

indicates that he feels as though he lacks the mental energy to serve Hashem. He feels

too weak, especially since he has already fallen.

But such thoughts are only there to test us. We must never let such thoughts

sway us in the slightest. On the contrary, we must defeat such thoughts of hopelessness

by being very strong in our belief in the power of the holiness of our souls. Every Jew

certainly has the inner capacity to withstand any test. We can always return to the light

of union with Hashem, which means feeling our nearness to Him.

But this is only possible in the merit of the tzaddikim who continuously prevail

over the forces of evil, in the past and in the future. All of these victories are included in

the 515 prayers with which Moshe Rabbeinu petitioned Hashem. His lengthy plea for

mercy provides Jews with strength that will last until the end of time. Even those who

are the weakest were included in his prayers. Those who feel discouraged or give up on

themselves due to the difficult tests they are forced to endure in exile are not seeing the

reality of their strength. The truth is so hidden in this world! Nevertheless, through the

merit of Moshe’s triumphs we can always arouse ourselves to victory. By connecting

ourselves to him we too are enabled to arouse ourselves to complete the union of

Hashem and His Shechinah. In this path we will find the deliverance that each and every

one of us requires. All we need to do is include the individual need with the general

need of the Shechinah.


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From Within the Iron Furnace

The Arizal reveals that the iron furnace of exile—the כור הברזל—alludes to

shemos achorayim or permutations of the Divine Name that signify strict judgments.

The verse says: "כי עמך ונחלתך הם אשר הוצאת ממצרים מתוך כור הברזל" —“For Your

nation and portion are those whom You released from Egypt, from within the iron

furnace.”10 [This is from Shlomo HaMelech’s prayer at the inauguration of the Beis

Hamikdash.] The Arizal explains: “The achorayim of Ze’ir Anpin are known as כור ברזל,

since they signify judgments that are as hard as iron. You already understand that the

achorayim of Ze’ir Anpin is a ‘squaring’ of the Name HaVaHaY when it is articulated

with an alef, and it comprises ו"כ or 26 letter. Those are represented by the first two

letters of the word כור, or furnace. It is formed in the following manner: ,יו"ד, יו"ד ה"א

א"ו ה"א וא"ד ה"יו, ו"א וא"ד ה"יו . [This signifies judgments since the Divine Name

cannot emerge and shine all at once. It must continuously return to its source as a result

of the judgments that abound as it emerges.] The Malchus or feminine aspect of Ze’ir

Anpin is signified by the Name Elokim. When written to signify an aspect of achorayim,

it is written without full articulation of each letter as we saw with the Shem HaVaYaH as

follows: ם"אלהי, י"אלה, ה"אל, ל"א, א . This has a numerical value of two hundred, the

same as that of the ר of כור. This state is known as ל"כור ברז and parallels the four wives

of Yaakov: בלהה, רחל, זלפה, לאה, [whose initials spell ברזל or iron] each maidservant

with her mistress.”11

Who can tell Hashem what to do? He freely chose us as His nation and took us

out of the iron furnace because He loves every single Jew. Even if a person falls to a

very low place, Hashem never gives up on him since He knows that every Jew is filled

with longing for holiness in his innermost self. This is the true identity of every Jew.

Hashem knows that we all want to serve Him in every possible way as is fitting. But

inner and outer obstacles prevent us from fulfilling our deepest aspiration.

10 Melachim I:8:51 11 Sha’ar Hapesukim, Parshas Va’eschanan


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Asking for Help

When a person goes to tzaddik to request his blessing for material assistance, his

real intention deep down is for something entirely different. Who can tell what his neshamah

begs for? Even though his mouth describes his physical plight, his neshamah cries out for

something else entirely. The soul wants to recall that Hashem has chosen us and taken us

from the iron furnace to be His people. That remains true even if we are in the iron furnace,

in the lowest spiritual places that give rise to bitter judgments. The more one realizes and

connects to the prayer of his soul, the more he will be given what he requires.

“And they will say on that day: ‘Behold, this is the G-d we hoped to and He

delivered us. This is Hashem we hoped in; we will rejoice and be gladdened in His

salvation.”12 Hashem gives everyone what he hoped for. It follows that we must

consider carefully what we request. If the king were to allow someone into his throne

room to ask whatever he desired, he would surely ponder what to ask. He must not be a

fool who begs small favors that have no lasting value. If he is allowed to ask he must

ask for what will help him in the long term. Similarly, we must be careful not to ask

only for physical deliverance since this only lasts for a fixed duration and is not a

genuine liberation.

We must be like Shlomo HaMelech who, when asked by Hahem what he

wanted, replied that he wanted wisdom. With this he worked to complete the Shechinah.

We must not be like Chiram, a non-Jewish king, who also asked for understanding but

exploited it to lord over others by building castles in the air, losing his portion in this

world and the next.13

Binding Elokim to the Shem HaVaYaH

Moshe Rabbeinu declared to the Jewish people: "חיים , אלקיכם' ואתם הדבקים בה

"לכם היוםכ —“And you who cleave to Hashem your G-d, you are all alive this day.”14

12 Yeshayah 25:9 13 Midrash Shemos 5:2 14 Devarim 4:4


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Our main way to bind ourselves to Moshe is to remember that we are all connected to

the living G-d. Even when Moshe saw a person who was only focused in the material

world and was not connected to the inner objective which is true life, he attempted to

correct the root of the problem: “Bind yourselves to the Shem HaVaYaH!”

Even when a person is involved in pursuing the material goals of raising

children and securing his life and livelihood—goals that are false when compared to the

purely spiritual—he must bind the name Elokim [which relates to worldly matters] to the

Shem HaVaYaH [the spiritual purpose]. He must desire to use all of his yearning to

discover deeper levels of truth in the world. This is done through uplifting the Name

Elokim to the Shem HaVaYaH. One who does so merits life and vitality, since his

longing for the spiritual has been strengthened. We must use our natural desire for the

material which is only a means as a vessel to yearn for the true end and purpose of

existence.

Burying the Martyrs of Beitar

Rav Masnah recorded that on fifteenth of Av the martyrs of Beitar finally

merited burial. In addition, it was on that very day that the sages in Yavneh decreed that

we add the fourth blessing of הטוב והמטיב to Birkas Hamazon. Hashem is praised as

“the Good”—because he did not allow the bodies to rot all the while they awaited

burial—and “Who does good”—since they were finally interred. The deeper meaning of

this is that earth symbolizes the Shechinah. As the verse states, "ואל עפר תשוב" —“And

you shall return to the earth.” Our purpose is to be encompassed and absorbed within the

Shechinah and it is this that the people of Beitar finally merited on Tu B’Av.

The word הטוב has a numerical value of twenty-two, the same as the Name

ה"אהו [which symbolizes Da’as15 or a deep desire for the source of all creation16]. In

terms of avodah, the more one is included in the light of emunah, the more good

Hashem bestows upon him, extracting him from the iron furnace [of internal and

15 Pri Eitz Chaim, Sha’ar Kriyas Shema, Chapter 25 16 Kesem Paz, Bereishis


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external exile]. Even when one desires material things, and even when those desires are

not strictly for the sake of heaven, as long as one knows how to lift it all up to the

Shechinah and seek dveikus through that which he lacks, it can still be said of him, “For

what great nation is there, that has G-d so close [קרוב] to them, as Hashem our G-d is

whenever we call upon Him?”17

The Komarna Rebbe renders this verse in a very inspiring manner. He teaches

that this means that Hashem is our קרוב, our relative. According to the halachah a

relative may not judge his kin. If we can only reveal Hashem’s closeness to us, all

judgments are removed. Even a person who almost never feels the longings of his

neshamah can be purified completely the instant that he takes a moment to beg Hashem

to draw him closer. Just as a kosher mikveh can render any amount of drawn water in

contact with it into another kosher mikveh even if they have only been in contact for an

instant, so too can a fleeting search for deeper closeness with Hashem uplift all one’s

thoughts and desires to form a heavenly shidduch.

Hashem chose us with the attribute of Chessed, kindness, which is the root of

Netzach. This teaches that we gain the tenacity to attain victory in holiness through

focusing on Hashem’s love. This is what gives us the strength to nullify all evil. May

Hashem have mercy on His people and reveal the light of the true tzaddikim who are the

matchmakers between us and Hashem. They nullify all evil and arouse the love between

Hashem and the Shechinah. Right now, at this moment, may Hashem awaken His

simple mercy and return us in true repentance to Him. And may our eyes see Your

return to Tzion in mercy, speedily, in an instant.

Chochmah Gives Strength to the Wise

The verse states: “Wisdom gives more strength [עז] to the wise than ten officers

in the city.”18 We see that Chochmah is strength. Regarding this, the verse states,

17 Devarim 4:7 18 Koheles 7:9


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“Hashem gives strength [עז] to His people.”19 The word עז alludes to the stubborn type

of strength which enables one to persevere and overcome all hardship, which is the

nature of Netzach. It is this characteristic that shines forth on Tu B’Av. And we require

this strength most when we are in the state of mochin d’katnus, the small-mindedness

that afflicts a person after he falls into sinful behavior. As mentioned earlier, this is what

is meant by, “and Hashem was angry with me because of you”—Hashem caused me

[Moshe] to be in a state of immaturity and ibur because of your sin.” But even when we

fall to sin and drag the tzaddik down he strengthens himself to overcome the challenge.

We must follow his example.

Even when a person has fallen spiritually and is in the state of the dead of

Beitar— ר"בית has the same letters as ת"ברי , symbolizing personal purity—we can still

emerge from this through the purifying influence of Tu B’Av. We must unite the light of

Netzach and the light of Yesod to reveal that Hashem “is good and does good” with

every single Jew. Through this we will reconnect to emunah, the Shechinah, an aspect of

earth, and be buried and encompassed within it so that our avodah will be renewed.

The Rebuke of Pleasantness

In his innermost depths, every Jew wishes to guard the covenant and sanctify

himself in the highest way. But every person needs his friend’s help to attain these

goals. Although we must rebuke our friend to protect him from slipping into bad ways,

we must never do so in a manner that is murderous to him spiritually. We must not

judge our friend or speak in a way that leads to sadness or depression. We must give

rebuke in a pleasant way to help the other party attain the holiness of yesod, personal

purity. [The general rule is that one should offer rebuke in the way that he would like to

receive it himself. One who is filled with genuine love of his friend and is thinking of

him as a person will know how to give rebuke in a way that helps him.]

19 Tehillim 29:11


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The Martyrs of Beitar in Our Generation

“And Hashem spoke to Moshe, saying: ‘Avenge the children of Yisrael of the

Midianites; afterward you shall be gathered to your people.’ And Moshe spoke to the

people, saying: ‘Arm men from among you for the war, that they may go against Midian

to execute Hashem’s vengeance on Midian. Of every tribe a thousand, throughout all the

tribes of Yisrael, shall you send to the war.’ So there were delivered [וימסרו], out of the

thousands of Yisrael, a thousand of every tribe, twelve thousand armed for war.”20

Hashem told Moshe to take revenge on Midian since they caused the Jewish

people to sin by following Bilaam’s advice. And the same is true in our generation, the

times before Moshiach. The side of evil has attained mastery by contriving all kinds of

awful technology that spiritually destroys all who come into contact with it. This plot is

especially diabolical since these machines are inside Jewish homes.

It is our job to save Jewish souls from the advice of Bilaam, through seeing how

we can “bury the dead of Beitar” and save these lost souls and reconnect them to the

light of emunah. We do this through the “delivering” [וימסרו] of the verse. This means

that we must give this over to the gedolim of our generation and obey their directive to

purify our homes from this filth. One should never give up on his ability to change

others by feeling that he is after all, of relatively small spiritual stature. This does not

mean that he cannot light the way for others, since even a small stick transfer fire to

many larger brands. Every Jew has limitless reservoirs of strength to draw on. Although

this does demand the self-sacrifice of וימסרו, we can still help each other break our

klippos without being insulting or harsh. This is the main fight today. We must go in the

ways of mercy and pleasantness, yet still be willing to put up a fight to influence others

for good. If one knows his friend has such a device, he should not rest until it is

removed. After all, his friend also needs a connection to Hashem. How can he merit

seeing Hashem’s return to Tzion “eye to eye” with such a device? [This is impossible

for one who is gazing at impure entertainment or images on such a device, ל"ר .] Even

20 Bamidbar 31:1-5


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the machines and devices for which there is heter [well-filtered, kept in a place away

from children, and for parnasah purposes], this is only when there really is no choice.

One should at least feel pained by this necessity and do whatever he can to rectify the

situation. We must all, influence our friends to repent the fact that they are “bound to

Baal Pe’or”—that they are connected to a network of deep impurity. Moshe Rabbeinu

fights this klippah, and we join this fight by acting with self sacrifice.

Every Jew must be sensible of the places where his friends are weak and

vulnerable spiritual, and he must help them overcome the bad in whatever way possible.

A young man who is in an apartment with other bochurim who have this machine must

never say, "שלום על נפשי" , “everything is fine with me,” because he doesn’t use this

machine himself. He has to work to make his friends aware of the dire consequences of

such technology and encourage them to give it up, even if he has to speak with them a

thousand times.

This is the meaning of the verse, “Wisdom gives strength to the wise.” We need

immense strength to make the supernal shidduch. We must enable our friend to

understand his portion in this shidduch and that he must first throw out such devices

before being included in the light of emunah. One who removes this defilement shows

that he is a spiritual kin to the tribe of Levi and reveals that the soul of Moshe is within

him. He will be joined to the soul of Pinchas and reveal the light of the redemption.

“Let Your Soul Know Wisdom”

Our first task is to know that we have endless reservoirs of strength to draw

from and overcome all evil. We must make a fresh start and Hashem will help us to

sanctify ourselves in the area of personal purity. There are immense barriers that we

have to overcome in this area, but in the merit of accepting this fight upon ourselves,

Hashem will help us win this war.

All of this parallels the verse: "דעה חכמה לנפשך והיא כתר לראשך" —“Let your

soul (nefesh) know (d’ei) wisdom (Chochmah), and it will be a crown (Kesser) for your


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head.”21 Chochmah is an aspect of strength, which is Netzach, while nefesh alludes to

Yesod. Both of these are the essence of Tu B’Av, since it is then that the tzaddik defeats

the forces of evil and completes the shidduch of dveikus with Hashem.

“And it will be a crown / Kesser for your head.” When the Jewish people are

inspired to do whatever they can to win this war, each person according to his level, he

reveals the level of Kesser, the light of Moshiach.

We must speak to those we know who have this technology. We should say,

“My precious brother! This is forbidden according to halachah. And even what we think

is necessary, we must at least consult with a rav as to whether this is permitted in our

situation or not. How can one enter a shul if he keeps a device in his home that is a

gateway to all idolatry and the worst sins in the world? We must have holy chutzpah,

since, at times, a talmid chochom may have such a device. But even though he appears

distant from all sin, and perhaps he is, this is still a desecration of Hashem’s Name that

must be rectified.

Every Jew wants to be good and do what is right. He is only waiting to be

aroused in the right way. We must convey that personal purity is more precious than

anything else, since Hashem despises immodesty. One who wishes to merit the light of

Kesser must listen to the tzaddikim who are the "ראש בני ישראל"—“Heads of the Jewish

people.” [The phrase forms the acronym רבי—“Rebbe.”22] They always act with self-

sacrifice to attain holiness, and we must never try to take their crowns for ourselves.

Even one who has understanding must always return the crown to the true tzaddikim.

Then we will come to, “guard Your holy mitzvos”—in order to unite Hashem

and His Shechinah and merit to experience the light of the honor of Hashem in the

world. This is an aspect of, “guarding Your holy Shabbos.” As the verse states, “And the

earth [the Shechinah] was illuminated with His glory.”23

21 From the Shabbos zemer “D’ror Yikrah,” based on Mishlei 24:14. 22 Likutei Moharan I:111 23 Yechezkel 43:2


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Hashem should have mercy and arouse us to love our friends and realize that

every Jew is part of a single neshamah. We should inspire our friends to change like a

father uplifts his own child, and in doing so we will draw down the light of purity from

on high. In this manner we will be saved from all danger, since the purpose of

everything is to draw near to Him. Through speaking with our friend to change his

negative ways, we will destroy the husk of Baal Pe’or. As the Ramchal explains, when

we speak to one another to strengthen purity in a pleasant manner, this kills off all of the

klippos that afflict each party to the conversation. As the Rebbe Rashab of Lubavitch

explains: “The G-dly souls of two Jews easily overpower a single nefesh behamis, or

lower animal soul.” In this manner, we merit to be one with Hashem.

May Hashem help us to attain holy victory and reveal His Kingship in all the

worlds immediately, with the revelation of the holy Moshiach in mercy. Amen!

Translated and Adapted by Rav Micha Golshevsky.

Documents

D’ei Chochmah L’Nafshechah Parshas … Va'eschanan...D’ei Chochmah L’Nafshechah Parshas Va’eschanan 5 strategy to win. He will force himself to stay up long hours, day and