DIPLOMA IN NEURO-LINGUISTIC PROGRAMMING – LEVEL 3

Module 7 - Perception of Your World is Your Reality

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Module 7 - Perception of Your World is Your Reality

This section covers:

• Our perception of the world versus reality

• Appreciating another person’s reality

Your Perception of the World is Your Reality

There is a saying: “If you wish to change your life, first you must change the way you perceive your life.” To get a better understanding of reality and how it affects our lives, consider the following:

Suppose the circle in Figure 1 below represents all possible knowledge; all that has ever been discovered and all that will ever be discovered. One piece of this circle represents ‘What you know you know’; your name, where you live, etc. Another piece of the circle represents ‘What you know you don’t know’; you know there is something called scuba diving, but you don’t know any details or how to do it. These two pieces represent what you call reality (or your perception of reality). The rest of the circle is ‘What you don’t know you don’t know’, the things outside of your perception (reality). Although these are things you are unaware of, they may still have an effect on or relevance to your life. For example, until I tell you now, were you aware that you have a new stomach lining every five days?

Figure 1: Your Reality and Stepping Outside of It

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The larger your reality, the more choices you have in life

If you were to step out of your reality and into the question mark area (i.e. doing something you have never done before, having no idea how it will turn out), - how might you react? For example, if you had never been to Japan, were not a world traveller and could not speak Japanese but suddenly found yourself instantaneously transported to a street corner in downtown Tokyo, how would you feel? Fearful, confused, apprehensive, anxious? Or you may find your mind goes blank. (If part of your reality is to travel to different places and experience the culture with the local inhabitants, you may experience this quite differently). What is your typical reaction when you are fearful, confused, apprehensive and anxious? Many people retreat to something they know and perceive to be safe (their reality) and shut down any process of exploring new ideas about the world or about themselves. If you are to expand your reality and thus your potential in life, it is important not to retreat but to explore ‘What you don’t know you don’t know’.

Ah ha! Moments

When students in NLP training discover something new about themselves, their beliefs or their values, it is common to have “Ah ha!” moments. This is because they have just learned something very valuable about themselves or the way they perceive the world. The next time you feel fearful, confused, apprehensive or anxious, try doing the following exercise. First make sure you feel safe and then start breathing deeply (we often instinctively hold our breath at anxious times, which only makes the situation feel worse). As this deep breathing slowly calms you, start exploring what is all around you and you may just discover some new insights about who you are, how you see your map of the world and what you want from life/how you achieve it. This may also help you find a way to handle that current stressful situation differently and achieve a happier result.

Appreciating another person’s reality

Assume that you and I grew up in different cultures with different religions, different beliefs and values. Suppose then – for argument’s sake - we have totally different perceptions of the world (this is illustrated to the extreme in Figure 2). Given our differences, what is the potential for us to agree and work together? If we both hold fast to our beliefs and are unwilling to explore new ideas (ever met anyone like that?), then we would be continuously disagreeing.

On the other hand, what would happen if you decided to explore my reality? You don’t have to agree with me, only to appreciate and respect the fact that I can have different beliefs and values than you, avoiding judgement of whose beliefs/values are right or wrong. At first you may find my reality confusing. However, if you continued to explore my reality, then you would have the potential to expand your own reality (more choice in your life), assist me in being more tolerant of your reality and open up the possibility for us to improve communication with each other.

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By being flexible in your approach (being able to explore ideas outside of your reality), you have the potential to create much more for yourself and assist others at the same time. Appreciating Different Realities

Figure 2:

How would your life and the results you are achieving for yourself differ, if you were to accept that members of your family, friends or clients see the world differently than you? Maintaining an attitude of curiosity and appreciation of other perspectives is very helpful.

What you don't know you know

Returning back to Figure 1, you may notice there is another segment to the circle, called: ‘What you don't know you know’. This can have many interpretations, such as memories that you have chosen not to remember or children who are culturally conditioned to take on certain roles and not others. Examples of the latter include: boys following in the footsteps of their fathers or girls being told they cannot do mathematics, be engineers or airline pilots. What impact does this have on your reality and your choices in life?

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Innovation is exploring ‘what you don’t know you don’t know’

Let us finally talk briefly about innovation. This can be your own personal innovation, innovation in the workplace or general innovation within society. Referring back to Figure 1, where do you think the innovative new ideas come from? It is clearly not from the ‘what we already know’ segment and, while dipping into ‘what we know we don’t know’ would provide minor innovation and small advances, this is not the main area for innovation. It is only by stepping into ‘what we don’t know we don’t know’ or 'what we don't know we know' that we find the opportunity to make big innovations and breakthroughs. Examples of this segment include: “What if the way I think it is, isn’t the way it is?” and “If there is a way to solve this problem, what might it be?”

It is also worth remembering that our brains set out to answer any questions we ask and will keep pressing for answers until they arrive. Therefore, NLP assists people in doing this by expanding their reality in a safe and respectful way.

Different Perspectives

It is often useful to assess an event or outcome from several different perspectives; for example: from our own perspective, from the perspective of another person and from the perspective of an independent observer. John Grinder and Judith DeLozier refer to these perspectives as ‘perceptual positions’, which provide a balanced approach to thinking about an event or outcome. In situations where there is little understanding or progress, perceptual positions provide a way of developing new understandings and creating new choices. The three perceptual positions are:

• First Position: seeing, hearing and feeling the situation through your own eyes, ears and feelings. You think in terms of what is important to you and what you want to achieve

• Second Position: stepping into the shoes of the other person and experiencing (seeing, hearing and feeling) the situation from their point of view. You think in terms of how this situation would appear or be interpreted by the other person. You’ve heard the expression: “Before criticising someone, walk a mile in their shoes”

• Third Position: standing back from a situation and experiencing it as if you were a detached observer. In your mind, you are able to see and hear yourself and the other person, as if you were a third person. You think in terms of what opinion, observations or advice someone would offer who is not involved. You need to be in a strong, resourceful state and take an objective view of your own behaviour. This will help you find opportunities to respond differently in order to achieve a different, more positive outcome.

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Sometimes people get stuck in the extreme of one of these positions:

• Someone who lives their life in the first position would tend to focus on his/her needs rather than the needs of others; basically a ‘self-centred’ attitude. We could say that addicts tend to see the world from first position

• Someone who lives their life primarily in the second position, always thinking about the other person at the expense of their own needs. Co-dependents or enablers of addicts and dysfunctional people would fit this description. A saying which sums up co-dependents is: “When a co-dependent die, someone else’s life flashes before their eyes, rather than their own”

• Someone, who lives in the third position would be seen as rather aloof and a disinterested observer of life - always on the outside looking in.

Summary:

All three positions are of equal importance and it is useful to consciously or unconsciously cycle through these positions as we go about our daily activities. With continued practice, this process will begin to become more automatic. Many great leaders have used this technique, including Mahatma Ghandi and Anwar Sadat. Both were highly diplomatic leaders who used this technique before important meetings. When we see things as an outsider, we can separate ourselves from the emotional attachments of the situation.