069.

This is the apartment

that I boarded up once it was late and I was feeling very grateful about

some thing evry

which frightened me I felt so full of love and blood I couldn't keep from lashing out

with wood

with

tongue

with nod

with

bang

bang bang

'til the splinters dug in deep and made me calm it isn't my apartment but that doesn't mean I didn't care

070.

This was a present

from a very dear friend how I hadn't meant to be the last one in the woods that day how I'd triumphed over evryone completely unintentionally and how much that bugged me how I met the pine bear before the blood had dried around its mud how the way it said my name was so different from the way I said my name and yet how it hurt me without even meaning to how it left the blackest tattered wing beside my head for me to find when I woke up and how I didn't question it

how I still have no idea what made this wing and how much love I own for it because of that don't ruin this for me

071.

This is me admitting

I was lying when I said my phone is broken

what I meant was when you speak

all I hear are crows

and it's dangerous

how much I like that

072.

This is just a DVD

with KID STUFF written on the front in permanent marker with UNFORGIVEN written on the back in knife with MINE written on my face in face do you want it? I don't I rly rly don't

073.

These are several notes from the exterminator

who visits me sometimes when I'm not home one says

there's a raven in yr teakettle

left it in there in case it's supposed to be

one says

sometimes I look out yr window but I still can't see what you see

sometimes I look in yr window but I still can't see what I want

included with a drawing of what looks like heavy breathing one just says

MEDICATED

which I found taped to a barely moving trash bag (that one's my favorite) one says

I've killed so many things inside yr home

one says

I miss you

we still haven't met but they seem very thoughtful

074.

This is my pet laugh track

whom I love who likes to hide beneath the stairs startle me with sudden blame who feeds on symmetry and croak (I'm not afraid to buy my silence) who is nameless and belligerent who knows when I'm asleep I don't know what I'd do without him I'd likely still have no idea a laugh could sound so unhappy

075.

This is a trap

I'm only giving you this one chance

076.

This is a patch of strawberry jam

wait no it's not I'm not sure what that is actually I'm just gonna leave that there for now safer to just let it sleep

077.

This spider has been in my family for generations

we don't rly use this room anymore

078.

This is Brenda

hi Brenda

079.

This is nothing

understand? this is nothing

080.

This used to be a barely moving trash bag

but now it's just a shaking moaning throbbing lonesome violent violent trash bag I think it likes you normally I don't have to hit this hard

081.

This isn't upsetting you, is it? it's just that look in yr eyes I mean I understand because like yes but y'know I just hope yr having fun

082.

This book is actually a tumor

yep this one is too and so's this one the rest of them are not but they could be given the right incentive

083.

This is a picture of me as a teenager

note my vision note my second stone face note my foggy hair and the crap of indecision that covers me like wax I've bled in many diffrent ways since this was taken but I'd like to think that now I at least have better fashion sense

084.

This is me giving a guided tour of my motives

085.

This is me becoming liquid

and increasingly unhinged

086.

This is probably all a bit much or maybe I just have no business sense

087.

This is how the librarian smells

I didn't steal it if that's what yr thinking

088.

This is a scar I got from the sun

like it's no big deal but we have a history you just wouldn't undrstand and yes it does

089.

This is a dead bird

I dunno I just thought it looked nice

090.

This ditch

I went down to the lake and I pulled it up from the mud and I didn't even look at what was written on it but I pulled it right up from the dust foam and coughed and the air was dark which I liked and the dark encrypted how I felt which I liked and the dark was the dark of my bedroom weathr and I was awake and I was so tired I forgot how to get to the lake and I was wide awake on the inside of my mouth and the ditch was heavy in the dark and the ditch was awake and the sky was spattered in a diffrent way than how I pictured it and the world turns even when I'm all unconscious and I reflect brilliance and by morning the ditch called me Father and I was the dark and I strayed toward

the sun until someone noticed me and the lake noticed me and called me Mother and I took the ditch in my cracked hands and I lay it down in my bed and I touched its spine and kissed its head and bleached its hair and by morning it was so used to the fear that I stopped feeling guilty and the world kept turning and I learned absolutely nothing and the lake didn't even recognize me and I said I don't care and the floor was wet and my hands were cattle and all I wanted was to be good and the curly fuzz on the back of my knuckles and the sun-sent brilliance and the dirt on my fingers and I kept on lying even aftr all that

091.

Just so you know

none of this stuff is for sale I was just curious to see if putting price tags on tiny pieces of my life would help me feel something

092.

You don't have to leave

it's dark out and I like yr voice

093.

But still

don't touch anything