FORGIVENESS - NIEAPA · •workplace anger & revenge •mezzo & macro interventions •the nature of forgiveness •why should i forgive? •the process of forgiveness •forgiveness

FORGIVENESSAT WORK, AT HOME, & IN THE CLINIC

CHET TARANOWSKI PH.D. CEAPJUNE 4, 2019

1

WHO AM I?

• PH.D. UNIVERSITY OF ILLINOIS AT CHICAGO

• JANE ADDAMS COLLEGE OF SOCIAL WORK

• FORMER EAP MANAGER AT AON CORPORATION

• PRESENTER ON TOPICS RELATED TO

• ENGAGEMENT AT WORK

• WELL-BEING

• CERTIFICATION COMMISSION FOR EMPLOYEE ASSISTANCE PROFESSIONALS

• ADJUNCT ASSISTANT PROFESSOR OF SOCIAL WORK

• UNIVERSITY OF SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

2

Virtual Academic Center

University of Southern California

WHY FORGIVENESS?

Chet Taranowski Ph.D. CEAP

4

Chet Taranowski Ph.D. CEAP 5

CIVILITY & COMPASSION

IN THE WORKPLACE


VANAPRASTHA

THE HERMIT IN RETREAT

Chet Taranowski Ph.D. CEAP7

AGING EAP WORK FORCE


Taranowski, & Tewksbury, 2016

REFLECT ON YOUR OWN RESENTMENTS

& FORGIVENESSISSUES



MACRO LEVEL EFFORTS


TOPICS FOR TODAY

• WORKPLACE ANGER & REVENGE

• MEZZO & MACRO INTERVENTIONS

• THE NATURE OF FORGIVENESS

• WHY SHOULD I FORGIVE?

• THE PROCESS OF FORGIVENESS

• FORGIVENESS OUTCOMES

• PERSONAL REFLECTIONS

• RESOURCES FOR FORGIVENESS

12Chet Taranowski Ph.D. CEAP

CULTURAL ATTITUDES TOWARD FORGIVENESS


We are turning away from

forgiveness & compassion

FORGIVENESS AND RELIGION

• RELIGION’S MISSION TO HELP US

LIVE TOGETHER

• SEE FORGIVENESS AS AN

IMPORTANT PART OF THEIR

THEOLOGY

• FORGIVENESS FOSTERS THE

FEELING OF UNITY,

• A COSMIC TRANSCENDENT EXPERIENCE


14

RELIGION &

FORGIVENESS


Jessica Kingsley Publishers

Sep 21, 2018

HUMILITY MAY BE IMPORTANT IN THE PROCESS OF

FORGIVENESS


16

ARE SOME THINGS THAT

SHOULDN’T (OR CAN’T)

BE FORGIVEN?




Pham Thi Kim Phuc

20


“WE MUST DEVELOP AND MAINTAIN

THE CAPACITY TO FORGIVE. HE

WHO IS DEVOID OF THE POWER TO

FORGIVE IS DEVOID OF THE POWER

TO LOVE…. THERE IS SOME GOOD

IN THE WORST OF US AND SOME

EVIL IN THE BEST OF US. WHEN WE

DISCOVER THIS, WE ARE LESS

PRONE TO HATE OUR ENEMIES.”


“TO FORGIVE IS TO SET A PRISONER FREE &

DISCOVER THAT THE PRISONER WAS YOU.”


ANGER, RESENTMENT & REVENGE


EXAMPLE OF “MINOR” REVENGE

24Chet

Taranowski Ph.D. CEAP

REVENGE:

MARVIN HEEMEYER


WORKPLACE VIOLENCE


WHY ANGER & REVENGE AT WORK?

• A RESPONSE TO SOME PERCEIVED HARM OR

WRONGDOING BY ANOTHER PARTY WHICH IS

INTENDED TO INFLICT DAMAGE, INJURY,

DISCOMFORT, OR PUNISHMENT ON THE PARTY

DEEMED RESPONSIBLE.

27From: Tripp and Bies, Getting Even


TRIGGERS OF ANGER & REVENGE AT WORK

• GOAL OBSTRUCTION

• BREAKING RULES AND NORMS

• BROKEN PROMISES

• LYING

• STEALING IDEAS

• DISCLOSURE OF PRIVATE CONFIDENCES

• DAMAGE TO REPUTATION

• DESTRUCTIVE CRITICISM

• EMBARRASSMENT

• HYPERCRITICAL BOSSES

• ATTACKS ON STATUS

• JOB SECURITY


TO HEIGHTEN THE LIKELIHOOD REVENGE

• BAD THINGS ARE A SURPRISE

• THE EVENTS ARE INTENSE

• PEOPLE MORALIZE• NOT JUST HURT. MORAL LAW VIOLATED.

• PEOPLE BECOME FEARFUL,• BACKED INTO A CORNER

• THEY RUMINATE THE INJUSTICE

• THE MORE ANGRY THE WORSE RESPONSE


ANGER IN THE WORKPLACE

IS OFTEN ABOUTPERCEPTIONS OF

INJUSTICE.


ORGANIZATIONAL JUSTICE

•PROCEDURAL JUSTICE,

•INTERACTIONAL JUSTICE,

•DISTRIBUTIVE JUSTICE,

•INFORMATIONAL JUSTICE


POOR, DISRESPECTFUL, OR UNFAIR PROBLEM SOLVING SYSTEMS

LEADS TO VIGILANTE JUSTICE


PROBLEM SOLVING MECHANISMS

• IN SOME ORGANIZATIONS IN CAN BE RATHER CAPRICIOUS

• THE POWERFUL OFTEN HAVE THE ADVANTAGE

• IF THERE IS A PROCESS, IT IS NOT WELL KNOWN

• PEOPLE HAVE SEEN IT BACKFIRE

• AND ONLY MERELY SYMBOLIC

• DO WE ULTIMATELY PUNISH THE BULLY OR THE VICTIM?


REMOVE AS MANY

TRIGGERS AS IS POSSIBLE.


Practical considerations

EAP as an Organizational Consultant

MANAGER STRATEGY

• TRAINING & POLICIES TO ESTABLISH VALUES & CULTURE

• DON’T DISRESPECT EMPLOYEES, ESPECIALLY IN PUBLIC

• KEEP YOUR PROMISES WHENEVER YOU CAN.

• FOLLOW THE RULES FAIRLY

• GO OUT OF YOUR WAY TO MAKE SURE EMPLOYEES ALSO

PERCEIVE YOUR DECISIONS AS FAIR.


SYSTEMS TO MINIMIZE ANGER & REVENGE

1. APPLY RULES CONSISTENTLY

2. GIVE EMPLOYEES A VOICE

3. MAKE SURE INFORMATION IS ACCURATE

5. MAKE DECISIONS CORRECTABLE

I.E. HAVE AN APPEAL PROCESS

6. MAKES THINGS SO TRANSPARENT

THAT PEOPLE WILL NOT EVEN ASK.


DOES ANYONE KNOW OF MODEL

ORGANIZATIONS WHO DO THIS WELL?


PERPETRATORS

• THE INJUSTICE CAN BE

PERPETRATED BY ANYONE.

• THEY MAY BE PERCEIVED

ACCURATELY

• THE PERCEPTIONS MAY BE VERY

DISTORTED



39

ATTRIBUTIONS OF BLAME

• WHY DID THEY DO IT?

• WAS IT INTENTIONAL?

• AS OPPOSED TO NEGLIGENCE

• IF INTENTIONAL –

• HOW MUCH RETRIBUTION DOES

THE PERPETRATOR DESERVE?

• WHAT PUNISHMENT FITS THIS “CRIME?”


PREVENT RETALIATINGQUESTIONS FOR THE WOULD-BE AVENGER:

1. ARE YOU SURE THE OFFENDER DESERVES IT?

2. WILL THE PUNISHMENT FIT THE CRIME?

3. CAN YOU GET AWAY WITH IT?

4. WILL YOU REGRET IT?

5. IS IT ETHICAL?

6. CAN YOU TALK TO THE OFFENDER?

7. CAN YOU TALK TO THE BOSS?

8. CAN YOU FORGIVE THE OFFENDER?

9. WILL THE OFFENDER REALLY BE TAUGHT A LESSON?


SOME THEORIES OF THE

FORGIVENESS PROCESS



Fredrick Luskin Ph.D.

Stanford Forgiveness

Project

SUBJECT MATTER EXPERT - FORGIVENESS


Robert Enright Ph.D.University of Wisconsin

• Forgiveness inventory

• International Forgiveness Institute

EVERETT WORTHINGTON PH.D.

PROFESSOR OF PSYCHOLOGY

VIRGINIA COMMONWEALTH UNIVERSITY

COMMUNITY FORGIVENESS &

FORGIVENESS PROJECT FOR AFRICA


MICHAEL MCCULLOUGH

DEPARTMENT OF PSYCHOLOGY

UNIVERSITY OF MIAMI

BOOKS AND ARTICLES ON

FORGIVENESS & FOCUS

EVOLUTIONAL PSYCHOLOGY


ACCEPTING THE

ADVANTAGES

OF

FORGIVENESS


WHAT DO WE KNOW ABOUT

FORGIVENESS?


WE FORGIVE WHEN WE:

• OVERCOME THE RESENTMENT TOWARD THE OFFENDER

• NOT BY DENYING OUR RIGHT TO THE RESENTMENT

• OFFERING THE WRONGDOER COMPASSION, BENEVOLENCE & LOVE,

• THE OFFENDER MAY NOT HAVE A RIGHT TO SUCH GIFTS

• AS WE GIVE THESE, WE ARE FORGIVERS


WHAT DO WE MEAN BY FORGIVENESS?ENRIGHT

DIFFERENT FROM:

• CONDONING

• EXCUSING

• RECONCILING

• FORGETTING

• DENYING


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DEVELOPMENTAL STAGES FORGIVENESS

1. REVENGE FORGIVENESS

2. RESTITUTION FORGIVENESS

3. EXPECTATIONAL & LAWFUL FORGIVENESS

• BECAUSE CHURCH & LAW TELLS US TO

4. FORGIVENESS FOR SOCIAL HARMONY

5. FORGIVENESS AS LOVE


AGE & WILLINGNESS TO FORGIVE


Willingness to forgive others

Age

RESENT VS. FORGIVE: RESULTS

• UNFORGIVING THOUGHTS

• AVERSIVE EMOTION,

• INCREASED HEART RATE,

• INCREASED BLOOD PRESSURE

• PERSISTED AFTER-IMAGERY

INTO THE RECOVERY PERIODS.

• BLAMING ASSOCIATED WITH

HEART DISEASE


53 53

• FORGIVENESS

• INCREASED MENTAL HEALTH

• FEWER PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS,

• FEWER MEDICATIONS USED,

• BETTER SLEEP QUALITY,

• LESS FATIGUE,

• FEWER SOMATIC COMPLAINTS

• BETTER RELATIONSHIPS

HOW ARE GRIEVANCES FORMED?

1. WE TAKE OFFENSE PERSONALLY

2. WE BLAME: WHOSE FAULT IS THIS?

3. A GRIEVANCE STORY: TO EXPLAIN

THE PAIN.

4. UN-ENFORCEABLE RULES. CBT/RET

5. THE MAGNITUDE GAP


COMMON UNENFORCEABLE RULES

• MY PARTNER MUST ALWAYS DO WHAT I WANT.

• PEOPLE SHOULD TREAT ME EXACTLY THE WAY I WANT TO BE TREATED.

• LIFE SHOULD BE FAIR.

• PEOPLE ALWAYS MUST TREAT ME WITH KINDNESS.

• LIFE MUST BE EASY.

• MY PAST SHOULD BE DIFFERENT.

• MY PARENTS SHOULD HAVE TREATED ME BETTER


MAGNITUDE GAP

• A SELF-SERVING DISTORTION ON THE PART OF BOTH VICTIMS AND

PERPETRATORS

• VICTIMS WERE MORE LIKELY TO EXAGGERATE THE SEVERITY OF THE

EVENT.

• PERPETRATORS EMPHASIZED DETAILS THAT MINIMIZE THEIR

TRANSGRESSIONS.

• MAY EVEN SEE THEMSELVES AS THE TRUE VICTIMS RESPONDING TO

PROVOCATIONS OF THE ACTUAL VICTIM.


MAGNITUDE GAP


57

Perpetrator

“I didn’t do

anything

Wrong.”

Victim

“He

maliciously

hurt me.”

Gap

Severity

57

SOURCES OF GRIEVANCES

• FOR OLDER ADULTS, THE DEEPEST HURT OCCURRED WITHIN THE FAMILY

• SPOUSE CHILDREN PARENTS & CLOSE RELATIVES

• FOR YOUNG ADULTS: BOYFRIENDS OR GIRLFRIENDS

• THOSE WHO WERE DEEPLY HURT BY LOVED ONES, VS. THOSE HURT BY

ACQUAINTANCES OR STRANGERS, MORE LIKELY TO EXPERIENCE:

• HEIGHTENED ANXIETY

• PSYCHOLOGICAL DIFFICULTIES


WHY DO PEOPLE HOLD ON TO ANGER?


WHAT YOU MIGHT HEAR/SAY

• FORGIVENESS MEANS:

• “HE GOT AWAY WITH IT.”

• “I MIGHT BE HURT AGAIN.”

• “I JUST DON’T THINK IT IS

POSSIBLE TO FORGIVE ”

• “I CAN’T BELIEVE MY FEELINGS

WILL EVER CHANGE”


Delia Brown

CHALLENGE THE BARRIERS

• JUSTICE WILL NOT BE SERVED.

• NO CONTROL OF A PERPETRATOR,

• GUILT VS. SHAME.

• SAVE FACE

• FORGIVENESS: CANCELLATION OF DEBT

• RELINQUISH POWER

• FEAR OF CONDONING UNKIND ACTIONS.

• WILL I BE HURT AGAIN

• WILL OTHERS BE HURT

• “I WOULD HAVE TO FORGET”


TO FORGIVE & LET GO

• ACKNOWLEDGING: PEOPLE HAVE A RIGHT TO BE

TREATED WITH RESPECT

• ADMIT THAT WE HAVE BEEN HURT & WE HAVE A

RIGHT TO FEEL HURT

• FACING OUR FEELINGS.

• WE DON’T HAVE TO FORGET. WE MUST REMEMBER.

• THIS IS NO TIME FOR FALSE BRAVADO

• “HE CAN’T REALLY HURT ME”

• THIS PREVENTS US FROM REALLY FACING OUR FEELINGS.


Jaco Sieberhagen (b 1961)


MAKING THE CASE

FOR FORGIVENESS

WHY DO PEOPLE FORGIVE? SURVEY - ENRIGHT

1. TO QUIET ANGRY FEELINGS

2. TO CHANGE DESTRUCTIVE THOUGHTS INTO QUIETER MORE HEALTHY THOUGHTS

3. AS YOU FORGIVE, YOU ACT MORE CIVILITY TOWARD THE ONE WHO HURT YOU

4. FORGIVENESS OF ONE HELPS YOU INTERACT BETTER WITH OTHERS

5. FORGIVENESS TO IMPROVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH THE ONE WHO HURT YOU

6. TO HELP THE ONE WHO HURT YOU SEE HIS UNFAIRNESS AND TAKE STEPS TO STOP IT.

• YOUR FORGIVING MAY ENHANCE THE CHARACTER OF THE OFFENDER

7. FOR RELIGIOUS REASONS

8. FORGIVENESS IS AN ACT OF KINDNESS & LOVE TOWARD THE ONE WHO HURT YOU.

• IT IS A MORAL GOOD REGARDLESS OF THE OTHER’S RESPONSE



RESENTMENT CAN FEEL LIKE CLUTCHING

A BURNING STICK, WHILE COMPLAINING THAT IT’S BURNING.

THE PROMISE OF FORGIVENESS

• A FEELING OF PEACE EMERGES AS YOU TAKE HURT LESS PERSONALLY.

• A HERO INSTEAD A VICTIM IN YOUR STORY.

• IT DOESN’T CHANGE THE PAST, BUT PROVIDES PEACE NOW

• GOOD FOR US & OUR COMMUNITY.

• HELPS US UNLEARN DYSFUNCTIONAL RULES ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS

• FORGIVENESS HELPS US TO HELP OTHERS.

• IT FREES UP ENERGY FOR TREATING OTHERS BETTER.


THE PARADOX OF FORGIVING:

AS WE LET GO, OR REACH OUT

TO THE ONES WHO HURT US

WE ARE THE ONES WHO HEAL.


HOW DOES ONE BEGIN TO FORGIVE?


AMBIVALENCE

INEVITABLE


WHY SHOULD ONE BEGIN THE PROCESS?

1. “I AM TIRED OF FEELING THIS PAIN AND I WANT IT TO STOP”

2. “I DON’T WANT TO GO ON LETTING THIS PERSON HURT ME”

3. “IF I FORGIVE I WILL L FEEL BETTER”

4. “IF I FORGIVE, MAYBE I WILL BECOME PHYSICALLY OR

PSYCHOLOGICALLY HEALTHIER”

5. “I DON’T WANT TO GIVE THIS PERSON THE SATISFACTION OF

HURTING ME.”


BEGINNING THE PROCESS

• PREPARATION

• EDUCATE

• DISCUSS WHAT WE KNOW ABOUT FORGIVENESS

• ARE YOU READY TO GO ON THIS JOURNEY?

• START WITH A SINGLE OFFENSE

• ASK, WHO HURT YOU?

• SOMETIMES IT IS A GROUP, BUT USUALLY IT IS SOME INDIVIDUAL

• IT IS USUALLY BEST TO START WITH THE PERSON WHOM THEY ARE THE ANGRIEST

• ALTHOUGH WORTHINGTON SAYS START WITH A MINOR HURT

• HOW DEEP IS THE HURT?

• OR, START WITH CHILDHOOD INJURIES & WORK TOWARD THE PRESENT


HEAL & REACH(LUSKIN) (WORTHINGTON)

• HOPE

• EDUCATE

• AFFIRM

• LONG-TERM

COMMITMENT


• RECALL

• EMPATHIZE

• ALTRUISM

• COMMIT

• HOLD

THE PHASES OF FORGIVENESS ENRIGHT

1. UNCOVERING YOUR ANGER

2. DECIDING TO FORGIVE

3. WORKING ON FORGIVENESS

4. DISCOVERY & RELEASE

FROM EMOTIONAL PRISON


REMEMBER THE EVENT IN DETAIL

• THE FACT THAT YOU FELT HURT, DOESN’T MEAN YOU HAVE BEEN THE VICTIM OF INJUSTICE

• COULD YOU BE MISUNDERSTANDING SOMETHING IN THE RELATIONSHIP?

• ARE YOUR EXPECTATIONS TOO HIGH?

• IS IT POSSIBLE YOU CONTRIBUTED TO THE SITUATION?

• WERE YOU BOTH GUILTY OF INSENSITIVITY?

• IS THERE A REASON THE PERSON ACTED AS HE OR SHE DID?


Question initial perceptions

PHASES OF FORGIVENESS

1. UNCOVERING YOUR ANGER

• HAVE YOU AVOIDED DEALING WITH ANGER?

• ARE YOU AFRAID TO EXPOSE SHAME OR GUILT?

• HAS YOUR ANGER AFFECTED YOUR HEALTH?

• HAVE YOU BEEN OBSESSED ABOUT THE INJURY OR OFFENDER?

• DO YOU COMPARE YOUR SITUATION WITH THE OFFENDER?

• HAS THE INJURY CAUSED A PERMANENT CHANGE IN YOUR LIFE?

• HAD THE INJURY CHANGED YOUR WORLDVIEW?


GUILT & SHAME


ENRIGHT

2. DECIDING TO FORGIVE

• WHAT YOU HAVE DONE BEFORE

HASN’T WORKED

• WILLING TO BEGIN THE FORGIVENESS

PROCESS

• EXPLAIN TO YOURSELF WHY YOU ARE

MAKING THE DECISION TO FORGIVE


FORGIVING ISN’T EASY


It is a difficult choice & an ongoing process

ENRIGHT

3. WORKING ON FORGIVENESS

• WORK TOWARD UNDERSTANDING

• WORK TOWARD COMPASSION

• ACCEPT THE PAIN


WORKING ON FORGIVENESS

• “WALK IN THE SHOES” OF THE PERPETRATOR▪ CONSIDER THAT PERSON’S VULNERABILITIES.

• MAKE A COMMITMENT TO NOT PASS ALONG MORE PAIN▪ EVEN TO THE PERSON WHO HURT YOU

• DECIDE INSTEAD TO OFFER THE WORLD MERCY & GOODWILL.▪ YOU MAY WISH TO RECONCILE WITH THE PERSON

▪ BUT THAT’S NOT ESSENTIAL


OFFENDERS ACT FOR REASONSMAYBE NOT GOOD ONES

• WHAT WAS LIFE LIKE FOR HIM/HER GROWING

UP?

• WHAT WAS LIFE LIKE FOR HIM/HER AT THE

TIME OF THE OFFENSE?

• WHAT WAS YOUR RELATIONSHIP LIKE?

• NONE OF THESE ARE EXCUSES

• BUT THEY MAY BE UNDERSTANDABLE


FORGIVING IS A CHOICE YOU ARE FREE TO MAKE OR TO REJECT


TAKING A GLOBAL PERSPECTIVE


Sometimes actions can seem so evil

• Do we see them as less than human?

They may deserve punishment, but not a denial of humanity

Is it better for us collectively to see others this way

• If there is a God or higher power, Would he/she want this?

FORGIVENESS IS RELATED TO, BUT NOT THE SAME AS,

RECONCILIATION.


FORGIVING & RECONCILING

• WHEN PEOPLE RECONCILE THEY COME

TOGETHER IN TRUST,

• BOTH MUST WANT THIS.

• FORGIVENESS COMES FIRST;

• OTHERWISE REMAINS OF THE RESENTMENT

WILL INTERFERE.


MUST THE FORGIVER TRUST THE OFFENDER?


Trust is part of reconciliation;

its absence can make coming together difficult.

Are there areas this person should not be trusted?

Trust comes in small doses

ENRIGHT

4. DISCOVERY & RELEASE FROM EMOTIONAL PRISON

• DISCOVER YOU ARE NOT ALONE

• DISCOVER THE MEANING OF SUFFERING

• CONSIDER THE PURPOSE OF YOUR LIFE

• DISCOVER YOUR NEED FOR FORGIVENESS


ACCEPTING &TRANSCENDING

EMOTIONAL PAIN


88

Scy Caroselli

THERE CAN BE MEANING THROUGH SUFFERING

POST TRAUMATIC GROWTH



CHANGE THE NARRATIVE

FROM

VICTIM TO HERO

WHAT DOES IMPROVEMENT LOOK LIKE?

1. NEGATIVE FEELING TOWARD THE

OFFENDER

2. NEGATIVE THOUGHTS TOWARD THE

OFFENDER

3. NEGATIVE BEHAVIORS TOWARD THE

OFFENDER

4. RUMINATION ABOUT THE INJUSTICE

1. POSITIVE FEELING TOWARD THE OFFENDER

2. POSITIVE THOUGHTS TOWARD THE

OFFENDER

3. POSITIVE BEHAVIORS TOWARD THE

OFFENDER

4. GREATER WELL-BEING


PURPOSE: WHERE DO YOU GO FROM HERE?


SELF FORGIVENESS & FORGIVENESS FROM OTHERS


DISCOVER YOUR NEED FOR FORGIVENESS

SELF FORGIVENESS

1. I FAILED AT SOME DEVELOPMENTAL TASK – I DIDN’T FINISH SCHOOL

2. I FAILED TO HELP SOMEONE ELSE OR THEMSELVES AT A CRUCIAL TIME

3. I HURT SOMEONE ELSE

4. I DID SELF-DESTRUCTIVE THINGS (ADDICTIONS, ETC.)


IS SELF FORGIVENESS EASIER OR HARDER?

• HARDER

• YOU ARE BOTH THE PERPETRATOR AND THE

FORGIVER

• NO ESCAPE – YOU ARE YOU 24/7

• YOU KNOW ABOUT YOUR TRUE MOTIVATION AND

WEAKNESS

• WE HAVE WRONGED SOMEONE ELSE -HARD TO

LIVE WITH THE GUILT

• WE FEEL THE WRONGDOER MUST PAY – JUSTICE

REQUIRES SOME FORM OF SELF-PUNISHMENT

• EASIER

• YOU HAVE MORE CONTROL OVER YOUR OWN

ACTIONS THAN YOU WOULD EVER HAVE OVER

OTHERS.

• YOU CAN MAKE AMENDS FOR YOUR ACTIONS

• THE SAME FORGIVENESS COMPONENTS CAN BE

USED FOR SELF-FORGIVENESS.


SUCCESSFULLY ASKING FOR FORGIVENESS

1. YOU CONFESS

2. YOU OFFER NO EXCUSES

3. YOU MAKE A CLEAR APOLOGY

4. YOU EMPATHIZE WITH THE VICTIM

5. IN SPITE OF WHAT HAPPENED: TELL THEM THEY ARE VALUED

6. OFFER RESTITUTION –

• IF POSSIBLE AND IF IT DOESN’T MAKE THE SITUATION WORSE

7. YOU STATE YOU WILL TRY NOT TO DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS TO

OTHERS

8. EXPLICITLY ASK FOR FORGIVENESS


EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED REACTION


BROADEN AND BUILD

B. FREDERICKSON.


THERE IS GOOD AND EVIL IN ALL OF US


WHAT ABOUT JUSTICE?


CAN WE FORGIVE THE DEAD?


ARE SOME PEOPLE UNFORGIVABLE?

SUPPOSE THEY ARE UNREPENTANT?


CAN ONE FORGIVE THE OFFENDER IF THE

OFFENDER DID NOT INTEND THE WRONG?


WHO DO YOU NEED TO FORGIVE?


Personal Thought Experiment

FORGIVENESS

RESOURCES


FORGIVENESS RATING SCALES

• SEE REVIEW

MEASURES OF FORGIVENESS: SELF-REPORT,

PHYSIOLOGICAL, CHEMICAL, AND

BEHAVIORAL ENRIGHT FORGIVENESS INVENTORY

• ENRIGHT FORGIVENESS INVENTORY

• THE FORGIVENESS SCALE

• FORGIVENESS LIKELIHOOD SCALE


106


Rye (2001)

Rye, (1998)





The Power of ForgivenessEverett Worthington


MORE TO READ

113

Tripp & Bies


McCulloughMcCullough, Pargament, Thoresen

THANKS FOR LISTENING

114

312-622-4064

[email protected]

Documents

FORGIVENESS - NIEAPA · •workplace anger & revenge •mezzo & macro interventions •the nature of forgiveness •why should i forgive? •the process of forgiveness •forgiveness