Dave Neely Positive Coping Strategies:

Be at Your Best in Times of Stress

guest speaker

100 100

Positive Coping Strategies

Be at Your Best in Times of

Stress

Presented by Dave Neely www.neely-training.com

101

Life Can Be Stressful

How stressed are you?

102

104

Positive Coping Strategies

Purpose The purpose of this session is to

increase your ability to deal with stressful situations.

Expected outcome

•  Better understand your natural behaviours

•  Manage your emotions to be more effective

105

Process

1.   Setting the Stage •  Common Industry Stressors

2.   Understanding Yourself

•  The DISC Behavioural Model (HOW you do things)

•  Tendencies when stressed

•  Driving Forces (WHY you do things)

3.   Emotional Intelligence

•  Emotional Mirroring

•  EI Competencies

4.   Summary

The Attitude Viruses Positive

Looks at what’s right, tries to improve things

Negative Looks at what’s wrong,

dwells on the past

Which Virus do you want to spread?

MyHero

DorisNeely

London Blitz

Convict Husband

Single Mom - 4 Kids

108

Process

1.   Setting the stage

• Industry Stressors

INDUSTRY STRESSORS 1. Manpower Effort/Engagement

- Attendance, Tardiness, Turnover - Personal issues brought to work

2. Customer Expectations - Want it now generation – Cell phone interruptions/abuse - “Experts” due to internet

3. Scheduling - Product availability, manpower

- Seasonal time restraints 4. Weather – Affect on employees productivity/attendance

- Too hot, too cold, too wet, too nice - Customer’s misunderstanding weather impact on jobsite

5. Cash Flow – Chasing Receivables - Dealers from Contractors - Contractors from Builders/Homeowners `

Your Circle of Influence

Your Circle of Concern

Within your Circle of Influence are things that you can truly make an impact on. Within your Circle of Concern are things that you care about but cannot make an impact on directly. 110

111

Into small groups •  Choose most relevant stressor

Motivators De-Motivators Create positive emotions Create negative emotions

113

2.   Understanding Yourself

•  The DISC Behavioural Model (How)

•  Tendencies when stressed

•  Driving Forces (Why)

114

Introverted

Task & Thinking Oriented

Feelings & Relations Oriented

Extroverted

C

I S

D Compliance - Constraints Dominance - Driver

Submission - Steadiness Inducement - Influence

D = How you respond to problems and challenges I = How you influence other people to your point of view S = How you respond to the pace of the environment C = How you respond to rules and procedures set by others

All people exhibit all four behavioural factors in varying degrees!

Behavioural Styles

Identify your Behavioural Style Choose 6 words from the list below that best describe you Decisive Expressive Amiable Analytical Determined Generous Loyal Diplomatic Forceful Enthusiastic Systematic Courteous Risk Taker Friendly Reliable Conservative Independent Demonstrative Steady Exacting Daring Talkative Relaxed Careful Competitive Trusting Team Player Systematic Choose 2 words below that might describe you under stress Pushy Manipulative Wishy-washy Stuffy Harsh Excitable Conforming Critical Overpowering Undisciplined Dependent Indecisive Uncaring Egotistical Submissive Picky D I S C

116

Precise Accurate

Concern for Quality Critical Listener

Non-Verbal Communicator Attention to Detail

Creative Slow Start / Fast Finish

Vacillating Temperamental

Competitive Confrontational

Direct Results-Oriented Sense of Urgency

Change Agent

Accommodating Dislikes Confrontation

Persistent Controls Emotion

Adaptable Good Listener

Good Supporter Team Player Persistent

Cooperative Sensitive to Others’ Feelings

High Trust Level Not Fearful of Change

Contactability Rather Talk than Listen

Verbal Skills Projects Self-Confidence

Process-Oriented Quick to Change

Independent Optimistic

Product-Oriented Slow to Change Self-Disciplined

Pessimistic

117

Where are you on the wheel?

Stand as directed

118

❐  Descriptors: •  Direct, Daring, Forceful, Innovative, Blunt, Decisive •  Competitive, Strong-willed, Bold, Results-oriented •  Domineering, Aggressive, Goal-Oriented, Quick •  Demanding, Impatient, Problem Solver, Risk Taker •  Inquisitive, Self-Starter, Adventuresome, Ambitious

❐  Emotion of the “D” Factor: ANGER

•  Tend to be quick to anger •  Has a “short fuse” •  Recognize by observing the intensity of D’s anger

emotion

The High D

119

❐  Descriptors: •  Passive, Mild, Sincere, Possessive, Inactive •  Non-demonstrative, Amiable, Friendly, Team

Player •  Steady, Systematic, Patient, Predictable •  Serene, Complacent, Relaxed, Deliberate •  Stable, Understanding, Good Listener

❐  Emotion of the “S” Factor:

NONEMOTIONAL •  Very emotional, yet they “mask” their emotions •  Non-expressive, can build a team despite their

own personal turmoil

The High S

120

❐  Descriptors: •  Enthusiastic, Persuasive, Emotional, Trusting •  Affable, Generous, Charming, Convincing •  Personable, Popular, Inspiring, Optimistic •  Gregarious, Impulsive, Self-promoting,

Influential •  Sociable, Poised, Confident, Effusive •  Good mixer, Open-minded, Talkative

❐  Emotion of the “I” Factor: OPTIMISM

•  Believe the impossible can be done •  Hold incredible optimism for the future •  May not be grounded totally in data and facts

The High I

121

❐  Descriptors: •  Perfectionist, Fact-finder, Systematic,

Courteous •  Restrained, Analytical, Mature, Precise,

Methodical •  Accurate, Diplomatic, Conventional,

Conscientious •  High Standards, Sensitive, Patient,

Exacting

❐  Emotion of the “C” Factor: FEAR •  Tend to be low risk, following

procedures and going “by the book” •  Tend to be better drivers

The High C

122

Tendencies Under Stress

D – Tends to “erupt” or lets off steam over

a single issue - Pressure doesn’t build

S – Tends to keep emotions inside, stress builds over time

- Emotional eruption due to many issues

123

Some People Are Like Pop Cans

Which soft drink container are you most like in terms of dealing with your emotions?

The tall, clear plastic bottle …

OR

The short aluminum can?

124 An assessment can measure both DISC and D.F.’s

Driving Forces – WHY we do things

Knowledge

Utility

Power

Instinctive Relevant Knowledge Current needs

Selfless Accommodating Giving

Collaborative Cooperation, Support Sharing

Intellectual ID Truth – Full Knowledge Discovery

Resourceful ROI, Practical results Efficiency

Commanding Status, control Recognition

125

Where are your D.F.’s?

Stand as directed

126

3. Emotional Intelligence •  Emotional mirroring •  EI competencies

127 127

The Emotional Mirroring Effect

Research suggests that that there are 2 distinct information pathways of

the brain for communicating an emotional message

1.   Eyes/Thalamus/Visual Cortex – The Thinking Brain what is being seen, said. How we process what we see and hear

2.   Eyes/Thalamus/Amygdala – The Feeling Brain how we process nonverbal information of emotions, reading and responding to emotions. Much faster, even microseconds before we know what we are observing

128 128

The Emotional Mirroring Effect

Thinking Brain The Neocortex

Feeling Brain The Limbic system

The Frontal Lobe The Amygdala

Frontal Cortex > Executive Functioning

. Decision Making . Organization . Prioritization . Goal directed behaviour

. Planning

. Creativity

. Problem Solving

. Time Management

The Frontal Lobe

When the Amygdala takes over it can shut down our prefrontal control. If we can reduce the stress, we can use our executive function once again.

Your Brain in High Stress/Overload . Anger . Panic . Anxiety

. Fear

. Impatience

. irritability

The Amygdala

131 131

The Emotional Mirroring Effect

Others can read our intentions, moods, frustrations and excitement

They will “mirror” these emotions immediately, without thinking about it. Emotions are contagious!

Their brains will change to become like you.

132

Understand that others will hear your words, but will mostly tend to mirror everything you do, even without knowing how or why they are doing so. Into small groups

– try to transfer either a +/- feeling

133

What can YOU do to hone your positive approach?

YOU are the only one who is responsible for your attitude!

1.   You have to be completely aware of the effect you have on others and “feed forward” the emotions you want them to have!

2.   Take a leadership role in creating a more positive emotional environment

March2010CATScan

MyWalnutPeriod

Negativeatfirst,depressed,checkedlifeinsurance

MYCHOICES

.Staynegative,depressedOR

.WaituntilIknowmore.Re-visitmyBucketList

-SantaClausParade-Standupcomedy

.Notletit“own”myattitude-seethehumourinit,

blameitformybehaviour

140

Emotional Intelligence – Two Aspects

This is the essential premise of EQ/EI: To be successful requires the effective awareness, control and management of one’s own emotions and those of other people. EI embraces two aspects of intelligence: Understanding yourself, emotions, responses and behaviour. Understanding others and their feelings (Not today)

141

Medical Value of EI Source - Daniel Goleman’s Emotional Intelligence

Social Isolation - nobody to share private feelings •  Smoking increases mortality rate by a factor of 1.6

•  Social isolation increases mortality rate by a factor of 2.0 Heart Attack Recovery - 122 men with first attack

•  21/25 of the most pessimistic did not recover

•  19/25 of the most optimistic did recover Stress Study - Sweden 1993

•  752 men born in 1933 given medical exams 7 years apart

•  3 times the death rate for those who reported being under emotional stress compared to those whose life was calm

142

Emotional Intelligence Competencies

•  Self-Awareness ?  what are you feeling? ?  what is the ripple effect?

Relate to Ourselves •  Self-Regulation ?  don’t get high-jacked by emotions ?  don’t keep them bottled up ?  access your intellectual reasoning

•  Self-Motivation ?  focus on the moment ?  manage setbacks - what can you fix? ?  identify your options with upside/downside for each ?  A year from today, what do you want to see? ?  positive self-talk to engage +ve emotions

People Are Like Onions

Layers of Emotional Intelligence

Self Awareness What am I feeling? What effect will it have on my performance? What effect will it have on others?

ae

My Theory An Alien Conspiracy to conquer our planet.

Their Strategy - Keep us from evacuating our major cities

-  Raise our stress levels so we are not at our best and much easier to conquer

•  Aliens are too big for our old style cones

They hide until they find good target to

take over their body

149

How do I feel? Self - Awareness

•  Someone with too many items in an express checkout and you are late •  Your “negative/stressful” situations -

What would you be feeling in each situation? What could be the consequences of those emotions?

150

Self - Awareness

Motivators in your work (create positive emotions)

De-Motivators in your work (create negative emotions)

151

The Law of Attraction

Whatever we focus on is what we attract! If you think a thought, you are also attracting like thoughts to you.

e.g. the more you think about something that makes you unhappy, the worse it seems.

If you can think about what you want in your mind and make that

your dominant thought, you will bring it into your life. What you think about, you bring about!

reference: The Secret by Rhonda Byrne

Layers of Emotional Intelligence

Self Awareness Self Regulation What can I say to myself to make it more positive? How can I vent my feelings safely?

153

Self Regulation

•  Someone with too many items in an express checkout and you are late •  Your “negative/stressful” situations -

What questions/thoughts might help you change to become less negative? e.g. “Does a few extra minutes really matter?”

“A year from today, this won’t matter!” I choose to own my attitude each day

154

Venting Be a venter, not a brooder

It is important to air your feelings in a constructive manner -  Write it all out or record them, then choose one of 3

options > (file, share, destroy)

- Find a venting “buddy”, someone who will listen to you without judgement -  Be a venting buddy for someone else

-  Others?

Layers of Emotional Intelligence

Self Awareness Self Regulation Self Regulation What am I responsible for? What can I do/fix? List options with both upside/downside

157

What can I do to fix it? Self - Motivation

What are you responsible for, if anything? What can you fix?

•  Someone with too many items in an express checkout and you are late

•  Your “negative/stressful” situations –

Self Motivation

What can I do, what can I fix in my situation?

What are my options?

Upside/downside for each

List on flip

What do you want, 1 year from today?

What actions are required to make it happen?

Time Permitting

Competencies 4 and 5

Layers of Emotional Intelligence

Self Awareness Self Regulation Self Regulation

Empathy

163

“If people will stop for a moment and put themselves in another person’s shoes… it will help them modify their own behavior. It will help them develop relationships with those people.”

Darryl Grigg, Ph.D. Co-Developer,

American Express Emotional Competence Program

COMPETENCY # 4 - EMPATHY

EI Competency # 4 - EMPATHY

. It means recognizing and responding appropriately to the emotions of others . By expressing empathy, you also create empathy in others . Realize that emotions impact such measurable goals as productivity and safety

Source–EIVideo–CRMLearning

Layers of Emotional Intelligence

Self Awareness Self Regulation Self Regulation

Empathy Effective Relationships - work, home, family

166

EI - Application Process

FACTS & THOUGHTS

•  Self-Awareness - what are you feeling? - what is the ripple effect of those feelings?

•  Self-Regulation -  more positive self-talk, A year from today this won’t matter etc. - vent your emotions safely, versus keeping them bottled up -  reframe the situation more positively, e.g. it’s a challenge

•  Self-Motivation - focus on the moment, not the past - what can we/you fix? identify your options with upside/downside for each •  Empathy

- what are their feelings and emotions? - how would you feel if it were fixed?

167

Process

1.   Setting the Stage

- Common Industry Stressors

2.   Understanding Yourself

- The DISC Behavioural Model (HOW you do things)

- Tendencies when stressed

- Driving Forces (WHY you do things)

3.   Emotional Intelligence

- Emotional Mirroring - EI Competencies

4.   Summary

3

Summary Discussion

Who wants a more positive life? (Stand) What did you learn in this session that will help you to deal better with stress? What will you do differently?

1. Safely vent your feelings 2. List 5 positive things about your life 3. Identify your options for stressors 4. Visualize 1 year from today – What do you want to happen? 5. Decide to own your attitude.

What you can do

171

The Law of Attraction

Whatever we focus on is what we attract! If you think a thought, you are also attracting like thoughts to you.

e.g. the more you think about something that makes you unhappy, the worse it seems.

If you can think about what you want in your mind and make that

your dominant thought, you will bring it into your life. What you think about, you bring about!

reference: The Secret by Rhonda Byrne

Key Alien Strategies Keep us from evacuating, raise our stress levels - Traffic Lights – no advance LH turn if alone - Railroad crossings

- the 25 car rule, - 2 trains at same time - Snow plow testing

- 4 at a time – 401 Highway - 6 at a time – Queensway in Ottawa

- Trucks “Leap Frog” – 401 Highway

174

Snow Plows

Your Strategy Should Be: “ A Year from Today – this won’t matter!”

The Attitude Viruses Positive

Looks at what’s right, tries to improve things

Negative Looks at what’s wrong,

dwells on the past

Which Virus do you want to spread?

177

Thoughts to Live By

Copyright © 1998. Target Training International, Ltd.

The Law of Attraction: What you think about, you bring about

Keep your Thoughts positive, Thoughts become your Words.

Keep your Words positive, Words become your Behaviors.

Keep your Behaviors positive, Behaviors become your Habits.

Keep your Habits positive, Habits become your Values.

Keep your Values positive, Values become your Destiny.

- Gandhi

179

20% Discount on services - Talent Insights Assessments

- Online training and coaching for

supervisors/managers

For more info: Dave Neely 613 546-6532 www.neely-training.com

Email dneely10@cogeco.ca

Special Price Offer