HandlingHandlingHandling Handling Difficult People Difficult People pp

(with grace and integrity)

DefinitionDefinition

A difficult person is someone whom you or others do p ynot like to interact with, due to his or her stubbornness, abusiveness, or other irksome behavior.

They come in all varieties and situations:• Passing acquaintancePassing acquaintance• On-going relationship• More powerful than you

Less powerful than you• Less powerful than you

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The Value of Difficult PeopleThe Value of Difficult People

Difficult people may:

pp

p p y• be more sensitive to important things occurring

in the workplace that need to be addressed, much like a “canary in a coal mine”.y

• help us look at ourselves. They say things about us or to us that others want to say but doabout us or to us that others want to say but donot dare.

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RememberRemember

Remember: • a difficult person is not difficult all the time.

• even the word “difficult” implies that a relationship exists. It takes two to tango babytakes two to tango, baby.

• everyone is someone’s “difficult person”.

Research shows that the three most difficult people are:1. Teachers1. Teachers2. Lawyers3. Doctors

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Avoid the TemptationAvoid the Temptation

Many books and experts advise tricks, techniques, labels, d i l ti

pp

and manipulation.

Label Strategy ActionThe Saboteur Uncover Remember to…

The Bully Stand up Make sure….

The Fox Out-maneuver Start by …

Avoid labels and “tricks”

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Confronting Difficult PeopleConfronting Difficult People

Work on Me First Stay Focused

g pg p

Choose What and If

Master My Stories New Problem?

& Flexible

Confront With Safety

Describe the GapRevisit OriginalProblem

Make it Motivating

Make it Easy

Make it Safe

Agree on Plan

Follow Up

Move to ActionMake it Safe

Fear?

Material directly from Crucial Conversations and Crucial Confrontations, Patterson, K., et. al. 6

Work on Me FirstWork on Me First

Choose What and If• What, exactly, is the behavior you find difficult? Be specific and

make sure it addresses what you really want.– Are discussing the same old thing?

P ti CPR– Practice CPR

• Ask what you do want, and what you don’t want

• What will happen if you:– don’t confront this person?– do confront this person?p

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Your TurnYour Turn

On your worksheet: y• What: What is the real problem I must deal with? What do I

really want?

Dr. “X” in the practice has recently been displaying concerning body language (sighing, rolling eyes) and has become argumentative and sarcastic with staff members. Staff members are reporting feeling threatenedStaff members are reporting feeling threatened, disrespected, harassed, and abused.

Dr. “X” is a skilled clinician. My staff members are skilled as well. The practice needs both. I want to modify the doctor’s behavior without escalating the problem, creating retribution of staff members, and/or losing my job at the practice.

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Work on Me First Work on Me First

Master Your StoryyPath to Action

Feel Act

Tell Tell a

StorSee & Hear

Telling Ugly Stories Tell the rest of the story

yStor

yHear

y

Avoid the “Fundamental Attribution Error”

Knuckle-head………..Knuckle head

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Work on Me First Work on Me First

Six-Source Model: Why Do They Act This Way? Motivate Enable

Pain and Pleasure Self Strengths and

y y y

Pain and Pleasure Self Strengths and Weaknesses

P i d P Oth H l d Hi dPraise and Pressure Others Helps and Hindrances

Carrots and Sticks Things Bridges and Barriers

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Your TurnYour Turn

On your worksheet: y• The Ugly Story: What is the story I believe is true?

Dr. “X” is an arrogant jerk who thinks he’s better than “mere” staff members. Just because he’s a partner, he thinks he can do p ,whatever he pleases. Also, I bet he wouldn’t act this way if the staff were males.

• The Rest of the Story: What is causing the person to….Dr. “X” is under great pressure from his partners to produce more revenue. He likes to form relationships with his patients and that slows him down. Dr Dr. X’s family life has been a little rocky, his wife seems to be at him a lot lately…not to mention there’s that thing with his ailing father.

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Confront with SafetyConfront with Safety

Describe the Gap

yy

p• Start with Safety. People don’t feel safe if they believe:

- You don’t respect them as a human being- You don’t care about their goalsg

• State Your Path- Start with the facts; what you heard or saw- Tentatively share your story- Monitor for safety problems

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Confront with SafetyConfront with Safety

Make it Motivating

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g• Describe the natural consequences- Link to person’s existing values- Connect short-term benefits with long-term pain

F l t b fit- Focus on long-term benefits- Introduce the hidden victims

U f i d• Use of imposed consequences - Know the mechanics (policies & procedures)- Partner with HR- Be appropriately somberpp p y- Explain the next step- Be consistent; don’t back off under pressure

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Confront with SafetyConfront with Safety

Make it Easy

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y• Avoid quick advice

• Start by asking them their ideas• Start by asking them their ideas

• Look at the 6 sources

• If ability is not the issue, “pop” the question. - “Are you willing to get project XYZ completed and to me by 3:00pm this

afternoon, or is there something else I need to know?”

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Your TurnYour Turn

On your worksheet: y• Exactly what are we confronting? What are the facts?

• Dr. “X” is talented clinician and great with patients• Dr. “X” increasingly sarcastic and argumentative.g y g• Dr. “X” under pressure from partners and wife• Staff members feel harassed and disrespected.

• Make it Motivating. What would motivate this person?

Confirm Dr. “X”’s value to the practice. Explain that staff members avoid p phim which makes him work harder and slows him down. Now he can’t spend time with patients and revenue is low. If he would be more pleasant to staff, they’d help more, and he’d get the partners off his back. Also, staff would be more likely…y

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Move to ActionMove to Action

Agree on a Plang• Who• does What• by When? • Risk- how crucial is project

Three Influencing Factors

• by When?• then Follow up

j• Trust- what’s the history• Competence- do they have it

Should follow-up be:• formal or casual?

checkup or check back?• checkup or check-back?• after a time interval or a critical event?

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