Handling Difficult Personalities and Behaviors in the

Handling Difficult Personalities and Behaviors in the

WorkplacePresented By:

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mail: P.O. Box 509 Eau Claire, WI 54702-0509 • telephone: 866-352-9539 • fax: 715-833-3953email: [email protected] • website: www.lorman.com • seminar id: 399266

Deena B. Pargman, Ph.D.DB Pargman Consulting LLC

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mail: P.O. Box 509 Eau Claire, WI 54702-0509 • telephone: 866-352-9539 • fax: 715-833-3953email: [email protected] • website: www.lorman.com • seminar id: 399266

Prepared By:Deena B. Pargman, Ph.D.

DB Pargman Consulting LLC

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1

RESPECTFUL COMMUNICATION &

Conflict Resolution

Deena B. Pargman, Ph.D.

1

2

Today’s Agenda:

• Defining Respectful Communication

• Understand the Conflict Formula

• Know Your Best Professional Self

• Acknowledge Your Colored Glasses

• Respect Different Personalities

• Recognize Ourselves at our Worse

• Take Five Steps to Better Communication

Respectful Communication & Conflict Resolution

Defining Respectful Communication

3

What Does Respectful Communication Look

Like• People feel as if they

have been

• seen

• heard, and

• valued

What Does Disrespectful Communication Look Like

• People feel unnoticed, devalued, insignificant

• People feel misunderstood

• People feel disconnected

• People feel powerless to change other person or that changing the other person requires too much effort

4

Understand

The Conflict Formulatm


Buttons

5

Big Dog / Little Dog

Emotional Bank Account

6

+

Sometimes, they work in combination

+

Know Your

Best Professional Selftm


7

•Be your

Best ProfessionalSelfTM

1. Self Monitor

2. Assess Situation

3. Assess People

To Be Your Best Professional Selftm:

8

Self Monitor

• only 10% of your message is verbal

• be particularly attuned to your body language when you are:

• rushed

• preoccupied

• anxious

• disappointed

• angry

• Trouble Comes in the “Yellow Zone”

Assess Situation & People

9

• giving bad news

• performance reviews

• working late

• travel

• trade shows

• parties and dinners

Situations

•People going through

• a loss

• relationship change

• health issue

• spouse lost job

• other personal stress

People

10

Acknowledge

Your Colored Glasses


So . . . How do I See Things?

11

. . . and we React differently

Respect

Different Personalities


12

The Birkman Method®

*

Behavioral Dimensions

Usual BehaviorStress Behavior


Motivational Dimensions

NeedsInterests

Usual Behavior Stress Behavior

13

Hippocrates:

“You can put all the people in the world into one of four categories and generally describe how they will behave.”


DirectCommunication

IndirectCommunication

PeopleFocused

TaskFocused

14


Direct

Indirect

PeopleTask

Work with rules Work with mind

Work with relationshipsWork with hands

Administrators

Doers Communicators

Thinkers


Direct

Indirect

PeopleTask

Work with rules Work with mind

Work with relationshipsWork with hands

Administrators

Doers Communicators

Thinkers

Solve issues through actionWork with concrete problemsSee finished product, results

Hands on

Solve issues through policyWork with systems, processes

Analyzing numbers, dataTracking progress

Solve issues through peopleUse verbal persuasion

Helping othersDebate

Solve issues through plansWork with ideas, theory

Encourage new approachesVisual, written messages

15

Recognize

Ourselves at our Worst


The 7 Habits of Highly Effective

PeopleBy: Stephen R.

Covey

Crucial ConversationsTools for Talking When

Stakes are HighBy: Patterson, Grenny,

McMillan, Switzler

Getting to YesNegotiating

Agreement Without Giving In

By: Roger Fisher and William Ury

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Think of . . .

• Two people with whom you are having a challenge

• one Personal

• one Professional

When it matters most . . .we are at our worst

• disengage

• harden our positions

• fail to see other perspectives

• fail to see our role in the problem

• sugarcoat or soften

• don’t say what we meanI Don’t Want to Talk About It

17

Fight or Flight

Why don’t we confrontthe challenge?

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• What Does Fight Look Like For You?

• What Does Flight Look Like For You?

How do we face the challenge respectfully?

19

Take

Five Steps to Better Communication


Step 1: Create & Maintain Safety

Find the Right Time and

1.Mutual Respect

2.Shared Purpose

Create a Safe Zone:

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Mutual RespectEntitled to be treated in a civil manner

Entitled to honest information

Friendship, love or admiration not required

Resolve the Issue

Maintain, Build or Re-Envision the Relationship

Shared Purpose

Step 2: Describe the Core Issue

Easy to talk all around it,

but what’s the Core Issue?

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Step 3: Recognize you have “A Story”

How to Let it Go

1.Set The Story aside in your mind

2.Ask “Why would a rational and reasonable person behave this way?”

3.Acknowledge your role in the problem

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Step 4: Don’t Shut Down and Don’t Get Mean

Don’t Shut DownNod and agree disingenuouslySwitch topic to something safe but irrelevantEmotionally detach

23

Don’t Get Mean

ExaggerationSarcasmHurtful Comparison

DataFeelings

Information that addresses the Core Issue

Step 5: Contribute to Problem Solving

24

Share1.Start with the Facts

“In yesterday’s team meeting you interrupted me as I was about to report our numbers. Time ran out, the meeting adjourned, and I didn’t get a chance to complete my report.”

2.Then share the Feelings

“When you interrupt me in our meetings, I feel as if you don’t recognize the importance of the numbers side and don’t respect the work of my team.”

Offer positive supportThank them for listeningThank them for sharing

Step 6: Express Thanks

25

Review

• Identify the right time and create a Safety Zone by establishing Mutual Respect and Shared Purpose

• Describe the Core Issue

• Let Go of your Story; be open to Theirs

• Avoid Shutting Down or Getting Mean, if it occurs step out of content and Apologize

• Problem Solve by sharing Facts and then Feelings

• Express Thanks.

Thank You.Deena B. Pargman, [email protected]

26

Notes

Documents

Handling Difficult Personalities and Behaviors in the