Healthy Congregations: An Introduction

Rev. Joan Van Becelaere

Ohio-Meadville District

OverviewToday, we will look at some key concepts from a

longer series of workshops on growing Healthy Congregations.

In the full workshops, we study video case studies and discuss them. We look at examples from our own congregations and analyze them.

Today, we’ll look at congregations as interactive, interconnected emotional systems.

We will look very briefly at the affect anxiety has on a congregational system.

And say a word or two about healthy leadership.

System Thinking

System ThinkingTo think “System” is to think in a unique way.Things do not exist independently, only in

relationships to something elseThe whole cannot be understood by simply

understanding each partThings only function as they do because of

the presence of one anotherNothing is influenced in one direction, all is

co-causal.

Systems Thinking When change in one part of a relationship

produces change in other parts of the relationship, you know you are dealing with a system

All parts contribute to what is happening The interactions between different people

affect the whole for good or bad There is mutual maintenance of behavior,

seeking after stability, homeostasis Relationships are not merely interesting-

that’s all there is

Congregation as an Emotional System Where two or more are gathered, there

is an emotional system. All human beings live in emotional

systems. The same emotional processes occur in all relationships.

Driving these systems are innate forces that seek survival.

The resulting behaviors are not learned or thought out. They are “wired in,” automatic, instinctive, reactive, natural phenomena.

Congregation as an Emotional SystemCongregations are emotional systems with

patterns and habits. What happens in the every day life of the

congregation is natural, for it is what happens in all emotional systems. It’s not unique.

They resist change from the familiar pattern even if it is dysfunctional, homeostasis. (We’ve always done it this way – even though we hate it!)

No emotional system will change unless people change how they behave and function with one another in the system.

What systems thinking tells us about congregations

Systems thinking takes away polarities of either/or and cause and effect thinking.

There is no “one cause” to any system’s current state of being.

Every cause is a reaction and every reaction is also a cause.

What systems thinking tells us about congregations

Institutions tend to institutionalize the pathology, or the genius, of the founders.

Patterns of behavior resist being changed, homeostasis

Emotional processes in a church can cause the system to get stuck for years and years.

Relationships in the present can have more to do with emotional processes that have been reinforced for many generations than with the logic of their current connection.

What systems thinking tells us about congregations

Health is always linked to growth in depth, mission and numbers.

Healthy congregations are more attractive to new people who sense the feeling level in the congregation as healthy.

Congregation as an Emotional SystemEmotional systems are driven by two major

forces - separateness and closeness. Every person and group functions within a

context of relationships. (That’s all there is!!)Two needs influence these relationships —

the need to be separate, to stand alone, to be independent; and the need to be close, to connect, to interact with others.

Congregation as an Emotional System Separation forces work to reduce the

tension associated with being too close to others and the need to affiliate

Closeness forces work to reduce the tension associated with individual differences and the need to be distinct.

Anxiety may arise when individuals sense themselves to be outside their comfort zone relative to separateness and closeness.

Congregation as an Emotional SystemThe Balancing of Separateness and Closeness

is the process of Self-Differentiation. A healthy person or group balances the two

forces. Healthy persons (and group)s are separate

and responsible and accountable for their actions/lives.

They are also connected and responsive to others.

The Universe – from stars to lichen, work by a process of balancing and differentiation.

Congregation as an Emotional SystemBecause Separateness and Closeness are

opposites, the potential for tension exists in all relational systems. This tension can be destructive or creative.

To relieve anxiety, people may go to extremes of closeness (fusion) or extremes of separateness (cut-off).

Either extreme is destructive if people get stuck there.

Congregation as an Emotional SystemSelf-Differentiation is the ability to define

self to others and still stay connected to them – even in the midst of anxiety. It is taking responsibility for one’s own emotional functioning.

The goal is to be able to balance the two needs.

Some folk have difficulty balancing. These people may experience difficulty in leadership.

Congregation as an Emotional SystemSelf-Differentiation is most evident in the way

we work out differences and conflict with each other.

Self-Differentiation is the capacity to “like the way your mother fried potatoes but not to be overwhelmed by anxiety if someone else’s mother fried them differently. This means you don’t try to convert others to your mother’s fried potatoes, nor do you give in to another’s need for fried potatoes of a certain kind. And you do not disconnect from another until they fry their potatoes your mother’s way.” (Steinke)

Healthy Congregations Workshop

Mission“If a sailor has no destination – no clear

idea of where to go – the sailboat meanders or stays adrift. The sailor needs a destination in order to adjust the sails in relation to winds. Communities are no different. Without a destination (mission), their responses are random, habitual, or meaningless. Congregations with a vision set their sails. Leaders are sailors.” (Peter Steinke)

Healthy Congregations Focus on Strengths and MissionHumans have a pervasive need for

connections and relationship.A congregation is an expression of that need

for connectedness and purpose. We need to explore and know why we have

come together (mission)Leaders are the guardians of the mission and

keep it alive. Leaders help the congregation develop a

vision of how it will live out its mission.

Healthy Congregations Focus on Strengths and MissionA common vision is an expression of hope for the

future that captures imagination, mobilizes energy and connects people.

All healthy relationship systems exist in a creative tension between vision (ideal, future) and reality (present). Unhealthy systems don’t deal with the tension and

lower the vision to match the current reality, live in the past.

Healthy systems accept tension as a motivation to transcend reality of what is for the sake of what can be.

Healthy Congregations Focus on Strengths and MissionWhen a congregation focuses on strength, it

will look to the future and increase the potential for change or renewal.A group focused on weakness and what is

wrong will fall into hopelessness, pathology, blame and deficits.

A group that looks to its strengths will build on them and move forward through change and anxiety.

Healthy Congregations Focus on Strengths and MissionA focus on strength is a focus on learning.

Welcomes new ideas, dialogue, and differences.A focus on strength helps a congregation

reorganize itself after change or loss.A focus on strength is a focus on grace and

graciousness.Health in people and systems is hurt by

emotions of vengeance and envy and depression.Health is promoted by emotions like gratitude

and appreciation.

Anxiety in CongregationsAnxiety is natural. It affects all human

relationships, communities and systems.It is an automatic response to a change or

a threat – real or imagined.We can't live without it. It arouses us to make changes in our lives. But when it gets too intense and crosses a

threshold it paralyses us and affects our thinking.

Anxiety in CongregationsAnxiety may be ordinary, acute or chronic.Ordinary anxiety is part of life in the midst of

social change.Acute anxiety is the emotional disturbance

that is change or crisis generated. Chronic anxiety is habitual. It is structured

into the relationship or system itself. Any trigger sets it off, small or large

Healthy systems handle anxiety with resiliency.

Unhealthy systems crack under anxiety.

Anxiety in CongregationsWhen people are highly anxious, they find it

hard to avoid extremes in reactions. Highly anxious people want safety, self

preservation. Instincts take over. When driven by anxiety, we loses

imagination, clarity, insight, direction, good judgment, discriminatory powers, and resiliency.

The same can happen in congregations.We can get stuck. Love and covenant are

out the door.

The Human Brain and Anxiety To understand anxiety’s effect, we

need to look at how the human brain functions.

Three parts of the brain have specialized functions: • Amygdala – Survival Processes – Reptilian• Limbic System – Emotional Responses –

Mammalian• Cerebral Hemispheres – Conscious

rational thought - Neocortex

The Human Brain and AnxietyIf anxiety is intense, we move to a reptilian

response, self-preservation. The reptilian brain wants a rapid reaction to

potential danger. You see a snake about to strike – you move!

The mammalian brain interprets whether something is painful or pleasurable.

Strong anxiety can push the brain’s reaction to love or hate in the extreme.

The Human Brain and AnxietyThe thinking brain has the potential to

regulate the mammalian and reptilian brains.A mature, differentiated person has the

capacity to regulate reactions and respond creatively, thoughtfully to anxiety triggers.

If we are intensely anxious the lower brains can overwhelm the thinking brain.

Certain issues, triggers, can bring out emotional reactions in undifferentiated people/groups that bypass the thinking brain.

Anxiety and CongregationsThe fourteen most common triggers of

anxiety in congregations:Old versus newGrowth/survival Staff conflicts/resignation of staff memberInternal or external focusMajor trauma, tension, or transitionMoneyType of worship

Anxiety and CongregationsIssues involving sex/sexualityPastor’s leadership styleHarm done to a child/death of a childProperty building, space, territoryDistance between the ideal and the realLay leadership’s styleBoundary issues

Anxiety and CongregationsAnxiety is contagious. Peer pressure, group

think, and mob panic are examples.Anxiety acts like a virus and can become out of

control.Anxiety does not have a simple, single cause. Anxiety that runs wild is being maintained and

nurtured & fed by the larger system. Anxiety is usually focused on people in two

positions: the most responsible and the most vulnerable. People want to relieve tension & focus anxiety somewhere.

Anxiety and CongregationsTo control anxiety, emotional systems use

three primary mechanisms: distancing, fusing, and triangling.

Emotional distance gives an individual time to control his own reactions to others by avoidance or withdrawal.• But it is reactive.• It can heighten anxiety because distancing

increases the separateness between people.

Anxiety in CongregationsEmotional fusion results in the opposite.

People become “stuck together.” • Anxiety is bound by pleasing or manipulating

others.• We put blinders on re: bad behavior, afraid to

rock the boat• The relationship is stable but less reliable.• Trust and mutual respect diminish.

Anxiety and CongregationsThe most common way to control or bind

anxiety is emotional triangling.• We form healthy (and unhealthy) triangles all

of the time.• In a situation of anxiety, triangles detour

potential conflict.• But anxiety not addressed in one

relationship is played out in or pushed onto another relationship.

Anxiety and Congregations

THE ANXIOUS TRIANGLE

Anxious relationships tend to become triangular. Most anxious parties will bring in a third party to reduce the tension.

Source of real tension

Party A

Party B Rescuer

(willing to experience another’s anxiety)(assigned by role to carry the anxiety)

Anxiety and CongregationsChronic Anxiety has an Effect on

Individuals, the Congregation, and Leadership and ability to handle Conflict.• Reactivity. Knee-Jerk Behavior•  Psychic Clumping, Cater to the Weakest •  Over Focus, Blame, Criticism•  Quick Fix, Immediate Relief•  Secrecy, Cover-ups• Invasiveness, No Boundaries

Anxiety and CongregationsChronic (Habitual) Anxiety is an issue in

many churches across all denominations.Constant state of crisis over everything.Constant criticism of others inside and outsideUse of threats, manipulation and tantrums Splinter groups repeatedly formLeadership roles rapidly changeThose who introduce change of any kind are

rejectedCommunication is closed, secret and distortedPeople think in polarities – black/white, win/lose

Anxiety and CongregationsHealthy groups are not always peaceful &

tranquil. But not chronically anxious, either.Healthy churches respond to change and

problems with resiliency, flexibility. They allow for change and control reactions

to anxiety and stress with insight, reflectiveness and objectivity.

They analyze, evaluate calmly and develop effective responses to acute anxiety.

The leaders help the people reason through differences.

Healthy LeadershipLeadership is the spiritual process of

discerning what one believes (clarity), acting on that belief in the public arena (decisiveness), and standing behind that action despite the varied responses of people (courage).

Rev. Frank Thomas

Healthy LeadershipLeaders and followers are a system. Leadership

is co-created.The leader is the person who most influences an

emotional field or system. The differentiated, non-anxious leader works on

his/her own functioning. His/her influence does not rely on personality,

consensus, techniques or skills, piles of information, or expertise.

The system is influenced – positively or negatively - by the leader’s BEING (non-anxious presence) and DOING (differentiated, balanced functioning).

Healthy LeadershipThere are similarities between viral infections and

relationship conflict. Healthy leadership functions as the community’s

system of immunity. Leaders recognize if certain behaviors are

damaging to the welfare of the whole.The health or illness of a system depends on its

leadership’s capacity to function as an immune system.

Leaders recognize threats, respond thoughtfully and carefully, and remember how to respond.

Healthy Leadership“Leaders contribute to the health of a congregation. They are health-promoters. The true mark of a leader is spreading health throughout the community. The presence of mature, self-aware, and faithful leaders means health is possible in the community.” (Peter Steinke)

Healthy Congregations WorkshopsStarting Jan. 23, First UU Church of

Columbus and North UU Church (Lewis Center) will host a four –session series of free workshops focused on strengthening congregational health and resiliency in the face of societal and congregational anxiety.  

Congregational lay leaders, clergy, and other interested folk are invited to participate. The series will be facilitated by the Rev. Joan Van Becelaere, Ohio-Meadville District Executive.

Healthy Congregations WorkshopsJan. 23 (Columbus) Creating Healthy

Congregations and Healthy Congregations Respond to Anxiety and Change. (congregational dynamics and systems theory, the nature of group anxiety and its effects on congregations)

Feb. 20 (Lewis Center) Leadership in Healthy Congregations (how healthy leaders can learn to be self-differentiated and successfully work with group anxiety)

Healthy Congregations WorkshopsMarch 20 (Columbus) Building Relationships

in Healthy Congregations (how anxiety affects congregational relationships, how we can help form healthy, supportive relationships in healthy communities)

April 17 (Lewis Center) Healthy Congregations Nurture Generous People (the larger view of stewardship, nurturing healthy generosity of time, talent and treasure)

Healthy Congregations WorkshopsEach Saturday, gather for coffee at 8:30 am.

The workshop starts at 9 am and ends by 12:30 pm.

Registration is free, but advance registration is needed so we know how many chairs to set up, handouts to make and how much coffee to brew.

Please register on the Ohio-Meadville website at: www.ohiomeadville.org

Thank you for being here today!

Healthy Leaders - VideoAfter viewing the video, please respond to

the following statements:The more leaders accept responsibility for

anxiety that is not theirs, the more they become stressed, function less effectively, and lose sight of their goals.

Congregations that function well have leaders who feel less threatened by the reactions and reactivity of others.

DiscussionLeaders need to be able to tolerate “pain”

both in themselves and others. They need to be able to make decisions that might bring change and, thus, pain to others.

Place yourself on the chart “Toleration of Pain in Self and in Others.

What impact does this have on your leadership at this time?

What groups or persons in your congregation are unable to tolerate pain and change?

DiscussionWhat signs do you see that a person may be

acting like a virus?Are there instances in your congregation

where someone or a small group has acted like a virus? How did the congregation respond?

How do congregations enable anxious reactivity to viruses?

What can you and other leaders do to provide a strong immune system?