Help Your Child Sleep

8/6/2019 Help Your Child Sleep

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Table of Contents

HYPERLINK "http://members.picknicksbrain.com/members/help-

your-child-sleep/introduction"Introduction

HYPERLINK "http://members.picknicksbrain.com/members/help-your-child-sleep/sleep-needs"Sleep Needs


your-child-sleep/newborn-day-night-confusion" Newborn Day/Night

Confusion


your-child-sleep/tips-to-increase-newborn-sleep"Tips to Increase

Newborn Sleep


your-child-sleep/ideal-bedtime"Ideal Bedtime


your-child-sleep/logging-sleep"Logging Sleep


your-child-sleep/naps-and-schedules" Naps and Schedules


your-child-sleep/shifting-schedules"Shifting SchedulesHYPERLINK "http://members.picknicksbrain.com/members/help-

your-child-sleep/sleep-routines"Sleep Routines


your-child-sleep/sleep-associations"Sleep Associations- Is it harmful

to rock your baby?


your-child-sleep/when-to-sleep-train"When to Sleep TrainHYPERLINK "http://members.picknicksbrain.com/members/help-

your-child-sleep/how-to-sleep-train"How to Sleep Train


your-child-sleep/sleep-training-methods"Sleep Training Methods




your-child-sleep/why-sleep-training-is-not-cry-it-out"What is Cry-It-

Out and Why Sleep Training is NOT Cry-It-Out


your-child-sleep/crying-during-sleep-training"Crying During Sleep

TrainingHYPERLINK "http://members.picknicksbrain.com/members/help-

your-child-sleep/nap-training" Nap Training


your-child-sleep/night-weaning" Night Weaning


your-child-sleep/transitioning-from-co-sleeping-to-

crib"Transitioning From Co-Sleeping to Crib


your-child-sleep/transitioning-from-crib-to-toddler-

bed"Transitioning From Crib to Toddler/Twin Bed


your-child-sleep/toddlers-in-big-beds-getting-up"Toddlers in “Big”

Beds- The “Jack in the Box”


your-child-sleep/the-toddler-staller"The Toddler Staller HYPERLINK "http://members.picknicksbrain.com/members/help-

your-child-sleep/the-early-rising-toddler"The Early Rising Toddler


your-child-sleep/where-do-i-start"Where Do I Start? What Steps Do

I Take?


your-child-sleep/concluding-remarks"Concluding RemarksHYPERLINK "http://members.picknicksbrain.com/members/help-

your-child-sleep/appendix-a-faq"Appendix A- FAQ


your-child-sleep/appendix-b-quick-age-reference"Appendix B-

Quick Age Reference (What to Expect, When)



HYPERLINK

"http://members.picknicksbrain.com/

help-your-child-

sleep/introduction/"Introduction

Unfortunately, we cannot make our children sleep. You may have

heard the saying “We can lead a horse to water, but we can’t makehim drink.” Well, we can lead our children to their crib or bed, but

we cannot make them sleep! We can only provide the opportunity

for sleep and help them learn the skills we all need to sleep well.

Sometimes, all we need to do, as parents, is get out of their way and

the rest will come. Sometimes we, parents, perpetuate the very habits



we want to break. While some babies only need a slight

encouragement, others will need very firm limits and lots of

consistency. And, then there are all the children in between.

This e-Book will help you tackle the most common problems babiesand children have when it comes to sleep in the first few years of

life. With the topics covered in this guide, you should be able to get

to the heart of what you really need to know to solve some of your

sleep problems. This guide may not be a cure-all as everyone’s

situation is unique, but you should be able to develop a great

foundation, if not solve most of your problems. What works for you

may not work for someone else and what works for many might not

work for you! I hope this guide will begin to pave the way for youand your family to get more sleep.

Healthy sleep habits are very important for all of us. The same way

sleep deprivation and sleep fragmentation is hard on you, it is hard

on your child. Well-rested babies make happy babies and well-rested

parents make happy parents and happy parents make better parents.

Let’s get started on helping your child sleep!

HYPERLINK


help-your-child-sleep/sleep-needs/"Sleep

Needs

HYPERLINK "http://members.picknicksbrain.com/help-your-child-

sleep-step-by-step"Help Your Child Sleep Table of Contents

Babies and young children need a lot of sleep. Many people are

surprised by how much they need and think if they let them nap



during the day, they won’t sleep at night. On the contrary, keeping

your baby up will lead him to be overtired and when we are

overtired, our body releases hormones to fight fatigue (think “second

wind”). Ideally, if you avoid letting him get overtired, babies tend to

sleep more restfully (i.e. less night-wakings) and sleep longer.

Many people think if you keep your child up until 9pm or later, they

will sleep later in the morning and then are frustrated when this

doesn’t happen. Or, the child does sleep until 7am, but has only

gotten 10 hours of sleep when he really needs 12 and is missing out

on 2 full hours of sleep every night.

The average amount of sleep in 24 hours that babies and childrenneed:

• 6 months and younger: 11-12 hours at night, 3-4 hours during the

day in 3-4 naps.

• 6 to 9 months: 11-12 hours at night, 2-3 hours during the day in 2-3

naps

• 9 to 18 months: 11-12 hours at night, 2-3 hours during the day in 1-

2 naps• 18 months to 3 years: 10-12 hours, 1 nap

• 3 to 5 years: 10-11 hours, sometimes 1 nap (most lose the nap

between ages 3 & 4)

• 5 years+: 9-10 hours, no nap

Adequate sleep helps your baby in many ways and inadequate sleep

has been shown to lead to a multitude of problems. Here are just a

few reasons to help your child sleep enough:

• Learning and Memory – Children who get enough sleep seem to

learn more rapidly than those who are tired. Have you ever tried to

learn something new when you’re tired? It’s hard! Babies and

toddlers learn a vast amount of information in a short amount of



time.

• Safety – Similar to how it is dangerous for you to drive in a severe

sleep-deprived state, it can be more problematic for your baby to go

up and down stairs, ride his tricycle, etc when he has not sleptenough. I always notice my boys are clumsier when they are tired.

• Mood – This is a big one for a lot of people. While some children

won’t get too cranky, some get downright monstrous. Behavior

problems have been linked to sleep deprivation.

• Illness – Your body’s immune system has more trouble fighting off

illnesses when it hasn’t gotten enough rest.

• Obesity – A Harvard study concluded that too little sleep in babies

and toddlers might be linked to obesity. Our bodies release

hormones leptin and ghrelin to signal to our body we are full and

hungry, respectively. When we don’t sleep enough, leptin levels go

down and when you get a spike of ghrelin, you will get hungry and

most likely, eat, when you should be sleeping.

• Depression – Studies are now finding that it was once thought that

sleep problems were a symptom of depression, but they are now

considering that sleep problems may precede depression. In other

words, if you begin to have substantial sleep problems, The

American Academy of Sleep Medicine (AASM) strongly

recommends that you urgently go see a sleep specialist. Depression

is the most common form of mental health problem and it now

considered as common in children as it is adults. Each year 17million people suffer from depression and as many as 1 in 33

children may have depression.

Now that we know how much sleep your child needs and just a few

reasons as to why it’s important, let’s see what we can do about



improving your child’s sleep!

HYPERLINK

"http://members.picknicksbrain.com/help-your-child-sleep/newborn-day-

night-confusion/" Newborn Day/Night Confusion

Although you might be tempted to keep things quiet and darker for

your newborn to nap well, it might prolong the day/night confusion

that almost all newborns will have. Day/Night confusion can last up

to 6 weeks. When she was in mom’s belly, mom’s movements lulled

her to sleep and when mom was resting, she’d have a party. When

she comes out, she doesn’t know she should act in the complete

opposite fashion. This is tiring for the parents, to say the least.

Keep days bright and upbeat and nights, dark and boring, and it will

help her sort out her days and nights faster. This might be more than

you want to know, but light is what cues our eyes to tell us to stayawake or whether it’s time to sleep.

Baby will sort this out on his own, eventually, but to encourage it to

happen faster, try to keep baby awake for about 30 minutes after

daytime feedings, and limit naps to 2-3 hours (baby should eat every

3 hours, at least, anyway). If you are swaddling your baby, you may

also consider swaddling only at night, temporarily, until baby has

sorted out day and night and then resume swaddling for naps andnights. Baby should adjust fairly quickly using these techniques.

HYPERLINK




help-your-child-sleep/tips-to-increase-

newborn-sleep/"Tips to Increase Newborn Sleep

HYPERLINK "http://members.picknicksbrain.com/help-your-child-sleep-step-by-step"Help Your Child Sleep Table of Contents

You should know that it can be dangerous for a new newborn (from

one to a few weeks old) to sleep all night. They really do need to eat

approximately every 3 hours in those early days so they can grow

well and thrive.

It is also safest to place baby on his back to sleep, to guard againstSIDS. You may be want to review other ways to lower SIDS risks

by reviewing this HYPERLINK

"http://www.nichd.nih.gov/publications/pubs/safe_sleep_gen.cfm" \n

_blank article. It is also not recommended to allow a newborn to

sleep in a car seat. Read more HYPERLINK

"http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=78008"

\n _blank here.

Please keep in mind that, although it is exhausting, there is not much

you can do with a newborn’s sleep patterns in terms of “training”

until 3-4 months old, at the very least. Their brains need to mature. It

is a big adjustment coming out into the world from the womb. I

personally don’t recommend any type of training until 14-16 weeks

old (every parent must decide the right time for her baby). But, here

are a few tips to make the newborn transition at least a little easier.

1. Short Wake-time

The first week or so, your baby will most likely hardly be awake, but

after the first week or two, the #1 key with your newborn is to keep

wake times very short, at first. You should soothe your baby for



sleep after just 1-2 hours of wake time TOPS. You should look for

signs that she is getting sleepy and start soothing her. If you wait

until she is fussy, cranky or crying, you are actually too late!

An overtired baby will have more trouble settling down and going tosleep and staying asleep. My boys always fell asleep easiest when I

caught them before they started to fuss and cry. Some babies are

much more sensitive to being overtired than others, so while others

will barely notice their child get sleepy before she drifts off to sleep,

others will begin to realize just how in tune with their baby they

need to be!

By wake time, I mean to include feedings and diaper changes anddisregard how long her last nap was. For example, little Suzie starts

to nap at 8am and sleeps for 3 hours. She eats at 11am and you

change her diaper. Now, it’s 11:30 and you decide to give her a bath.

At 11:45, she is fussy. She is already overtired and she needs a nap!

In the beginning, they can’t go long before getting tired and over-

stimulated.

2. Swaddle

To help mimic the feeling of the womb, it helps to swaddle your

baby. This basically means to wrap him up in a blanket like a little

burrito. You may have seen them do it at the hospital. This helps him

feel safe and secure and also helps him stay asleep during any Moro

reflex (or startle reflex) moments. It is said that those reflexes are

similar to how we have the feeling we are falling while falling

asleep. It can take up to 4 or 5 months for your baby to stop the

startling.

I highly recommend The Miracle Blanket®, which you can find at

HYPERLINK "http://www.miracleblanket.com/" \n

_blank www.miracleblanket.com (no affiliation with Pick Nick’s





heart beating, etc. That’s why he may find comfort when you may

run the vacuum cleaner. My son used to love when I turned on the

blow-dryer. Of course, you can’t run the vacuum all day, so I

recommend getting a White Noise machine , sound machine or a

White Noise CD . I have two white noise machines, one in each boy’s room, so they don’t wake each other and they work like a

dream!

6. Wear baby

For particularly fussy babies or just for parent’s convenience and

snuggling, it helps to “wear” baby using a sling. They get very

folded up in a sling, but again, it mimics the womb and babies loveit! I didn’t use a sling with my first, but used a BabyBjörn Baby

Carrier and loved it! It really helped me walk off the baby weight,

which was a bonus. But, with my second, I did use a sling (there are

many out there!) and my son would fall asleep in less than 5 minutes

until he grew out of it. This helped tremendously when I needed to

cook dinner and do stuff with my toddler, at the time. I have also

heard good things about the Moby Wrap and the Maya Wrap . Read

here for HYPERLINK

"http://www.wearsthebaby.com/babywearing/tenreasons.html" \n

_blank ten reasons to wear your baby.

7. Swing

As I said earlier, mom’s movements lulled baby to sleep while in the

womb, so I also recommend trying a swing, but don’t be surprised if

she only likes it at high speeds. Our family teased us we were

making our first son drunk, but he just loved it going FAST and it

was the only way he’d fall asleep in it! My friend has the Fisher-

Price Ocean Wonders Aquarium Cradle Swing and loves it. They

didn’t have that when I was shopping for one!



Unfortunately, some of these tips do create sleep associations (see

below), which is what we ultimately want to avoid! But, during the

first weeks, you really do what you can to survive and sometimes it’s

just the luck of the draw as to whether you have an “easy” or “hard”

sleeper. Obviously, it never hurts to try to put your baby down tosleep without any of these “tricks”, but it just doesn’t work for all of

us, which is what brought you to my site.

For additional product recommendations, please visit HYPERLINK

"http://picknicksbrain.com/resources for additional resources" \n

_blank http://picknicksbrain.com/resources for additional resources

and HYPERLINK "http://picknicksbrain.com/recommended-

sites" \n _blank http://picknicksbrain.com/recommended-sites for other website recommendations.

HYPERLINK

"http://members.picknicksbrain.com/help-your-child-sleep/ideal-

bedtime/"Ideal Bedtime

An early bedtime does not happen until your baby is around 7-8

weeks old. At that point, ideally, bedtime should be between 6 & 8

p.m. for your child’s first 2-3 years. For younger babies under 4months old, typical bedtimes are usually between 6 & 7 p.m.,

depending on when the last nap ends. Many parents have been

excited to see when their child is waking up at 5am and they simply

make bedtime earlier, their child then sleeps later in the morning. It

is very counter-intuitive, but it’s true and it works. And, their babies



are refreshed and rested and are usually in a much better mood.

Adequate sleep is instrumental in a child’s development and they are

better able to learn new skills when they are well-rested.

In my experience, the most misunderstood fact when it comes to a baby’s sleep is the idea that you should keep your baby up longer to

get more sleep out of her. This does not promote more sleep. In fact,

many times it creates less!

It is very counter-intuitive, but sometimes the only thing standing in

the way of a better night’s sleep is an earlier bedtime. Although it is

hard for many parents to accept, I promise this is true.

Obviously, this only rings true to an extent. You cannot expect to put

your child to bed at 5 p.m. and expect him to sleep until 7 a.m. the

next morning. During nap transitions (from 4 to 3, 3 to 2, or 2 to 1),

sometimes a baby will sleep extra long at night, though. My own son

slept 13 hours straight during his transition to 1 nap and then when

he stopped napping all together. I just would never expect that

regularly.

The primary goal of the early bedtime is that he is not overtired and

will have a more restful sleep. Thus, it is important not to force

bedtime to be later simply to achieve a later morning wake-up. Not

only does it not always work, it sometimes has the opposite effect

making baby wake earlier in the morning and not sleep as restfully.

An overtired baby will have more trouble falling asleep and, most

importantly, staying asleep. For information on shifting schedules,

please see HYPERLINK

"http://members.picknicksbrain.com/members/help-your-child-

sleep/shifting-schedules"Shifting Schedules.

The problem with a too-late bedtime and your child becoming

overtired is when we are overtired (adults included), our bodies



release hormones to fight fatigue. This makes it hard for us to settle

down and relax and sleep well. This is especially true for your baby.

The second part of the too-late-bedtime problem is that babies,

biologically (it’s in their nature!), tend to be early risers in the earlydays. The world is an exciting place and the first sign of daylight,

they want to explore! Don’t worry. One day he will be a teenager

and you will have to drag him out of bed! But, for now, this means

that regardless of bedtime, you may not get to sleep in like you did

before you had kids.

HYPERLINK


help-your-child-sleep/logging-

sleep/"Logging Sleep

It is a good idea to keep a log of your baby’s sleep for one or two

weeks (see Appendix D for sample logs). Log wake times, nap

times, nap lengths, and bedtime. Add up the total time baby actually

slept (if you are unsure, as long as baby is quiet, count as sleeping).

The amount of sleep a child gets in 24 hours stays relatively constant

and they will shift sleep from day to night and vice versa (within

reason).

Once you have your log, you can take the average amount of sleep in

24 hours and use that as a guide when adjusting schedules and

setting your expectations on wake-times. For example, if you know

your baby gets an average of 13.5 hours in 24 hours and naps 3

hours that day, you can estimate he will sleep about 10.5 hours that



night. You will likely need to log 1-2 weeks every few months to get

an accurate average, as babies change a lot in the first 2-3 years!

Disclaimer: Some babies are more consistent than others.

Inconsistent babies might have a large range of the amount of sleepin 24 hours (mine had a swing of as much as 2 hours a day!). At least

if you keep a log, you know whether this is true or not.

Disclaimer 2: During growth spurts, teething and illnesses, the

amount of sleep might be unusually higher or lower. Try to time

your logging during a “normal” time. (As much as a baby is

“normal”)

HYPERLINK


help-your-child-sleep/naps-and-

schedules/" Naps and Schedules

Naps are an important component of sleeping through the night. It

seems strange, but the better the baby naps during the day, the better

night sleep can be. The less likely she is overtired come bedtime, the

better she can settle down and sleep better all night. She won’t be as

restless and won’t have as many night-wakings. Many people think

they should limit naps, so they will be more tired at night. This often

backfires. They might crash due to exhaustion, but most likely will

either not sleep restfully, waking often, or will wake too early in themorning.

Before your baby is on a schedule, nap your baby according to

sleepy cues (staring off into space, less active, and yawning) and

avoid overtired cues such as crankiness and eye rubbing. Once they



are fussy, you are already too late! Overtiredness is the chief culprit

of short naps in a child younger than 9 months old. After 9 months

of age, short naps could be caused either by overtiredness or he

needs a longer wake time before his nap. Only experimentation can

sort out which one it is. Very rarely is more wake-time the solutionfor short naps in a younger baby.

A restorative nap is considered any (non-moving) nap longer than 1

hour or more. Short naps (30-45 minutes) are common up through 6

months of age when their sleep systems become more mature. If

your baby doesn’t lengthen her naps on her own, you may need to

encourage her to do so.

It varies widely what people believe to be a “normal” or “good” nap,

so it’s important to know what the average nap looks like. Some

people think babies should sleep 3 hours each time and others seem

to think 30 minutes is enough. I remember one parent who would

keep her twins in their cribs for almost a whole afternoon (3-4 hours)

because that’s how long she thought they should sleep. Wrong!

After 5-6 months of age, I recommend a “nap hour” for the first 2naps of the day in which your baby is in his/her crib for one hour,

sleeping or not. This encourages her to go back to sleep after a short

nap. This also gives you a break to take a shower or eat or just relax.

Your frame of mind is also very important in being an effective

parent day in and day out. Your baby will get used to having a set

“nap hour” and will come to expect it.

At first my son would wake up and fuss/cry for 15 minutes (he was a

45 minute napper), then he started waking up and playing and then

he woke up, played and then went back to sleep and then finally kept

sleeping through that 45 minute mark most of the time. I have

recommended this to many parents and it really works!





Some days your baby may take one nap and other days take two.

Allow this flexibility (if you can) so he doesn’t get too overtired.

During this transition, make sure bedtime is sufficiently early. I

made a mistake (before I knew better) with my own son and he

transitioned easily but a month later it really caught up with him andit was…let’s just say…messy. I have had other parents I’ve given

this same advice to go through a similar problem. If you think the

bedtime you’ve set is too early, it’s probably perfect. Once they truly

are only taking one nap, try to move it to 11-12pm by 15 minutes per

day. A typical schedule might be 6(wake)-11(nap)-6(bed) or 7-12-7.

Most babies lose their last nap between 3 and 4 years old, though

some will lose it earlier around 2 years old and others may still napgoing to kindergarten at 5. The timing of the loss of the last nap

varies widely.

With any nap transitions, make sure bedtime is sufficiently early

because babies tend to get very overtired when losing any of their

naps. Some are more sensitive than others.

HYPERLINK


help-your-child-sleep/shifting-

schedules/"Shifting Schedules

Now that I have preached up and down about not letting your baby

get overtired, there is one time you may want to allow it.

If your baby is sleeping well and getting adequate rest, but waking

up too early or going to bed too late, you can attempt to shift his





Naps are 1 hour each

Day 1: 5(wake)-7:00(nap)-11(nap)-2:15(nap)-5:45(bed)

Day 2: 5(wake)-7:15(nap)-11:15(nap)-2:30(nap)-6:00(bed) only

allowing 1 hr napsDay 3: 5:15-7:30-11:30-2:45-6:30 only allowing 1 hr naps

Day 4: 5:30-7:45-11:45-3:00-6:45 only allowing 1 hr naps

Day 5: 5:30-7:45-11:45-3:00-6:45 only allowing 1 hr naps – Stand

pat for a day



And so on…I can’t tell you how it will EXACTLY go, but you getthe idea.

To shift your baby’s schedule back

You can’t control when a baby falls asleep, but you can control

when you wake him up. So, the way you shift a schedule backwards

(i.e. if baby is going to bed at 10pm and waking at 9am) is to control

the wake-up time. If you fight your child to go to bed every nightfrom 8pm until 10 pm, for example, and then allow him to sleep in

until 9am, he will continue to have that schedule. I know you want

him to get sleep, but if you’d rather he go to bed earlier, here’s what

you do.

Make bedtime the time he normally goes to sleep. Yes, I know that

sounds crazy, but hear me out. Wake him up in the morning 15-30

minutes earlier than normal (and put him down for a nap the sameamount of time earlier) and keep bedtime the same time. And, then

shift wake (and nap) time by 15-30 minutes earlier the next morning,

too. One of your goals here is to have him start going to bed easier

and to sleep faster, so he’s now associating bedtime a certain way.

Keep waking him earlier and earlier until you are at the time you



desire him to get up. Also, don’t let him catch up on any sleep

during any naps!!

Once he is going to sleep quickly and by now he is probably getting

overly tired, start moving bedtime back by 15 minutes each day untilhe no longer is falling asleep as quickly. Once you get to the point he

takes 10-15 minutes to fall asleep, you are probably at the right

bedtime.

Example Schedule Shift Back:

Goal: Bedtime at 8 p.m., Wake at 7 a.m.

Current schedule: 9(wake)-3(nap)-8:30(bed; sleep at 10)

Nap is 1 1/2 hours

Day 1: 9(wake)-3(nap)-10(bed)

Day 2: 8:30(wake)-2:30(nap)-10(bed) – don’t allow nap to go longer

than normal

Day 3: 8:00-2:00-9:30 – don’t allow nap to go longer than normal

Day 4: 7:45-1:45-9:15

Day 5: 7:30-1:30-9:00Day 6: 7:15-1:15-8:45

Day 6: 7:00-1:00-8:30

Day 7: 7:00-1:00-8:30

Continue with the schedule until he is obviously tired by 8 p.m. or

you are at a schedule you like or can live with.

I can’t tell you how it will EXACTLY go, but you get the idea.

HYPERLINK


help-your-child-sleep/sleep-



routines/"Sleep Routines

A bedtime routine is important to cue your child that sleep is on the

horizon and sets her expectations. They are also very useful when

you are away from home and want to cue her to sleep elsewhere. A predictable sequence of events helps her feel comfortable and secure

in what’s going to happen each night. Children thrive on routine.

Routines are generally shorter (10-15 minutes) when she’s a baby

and become longer (15-30 minutes or as much as 1 hour for spirited

children who need more wind-down time) as she grows into a

toddler.

A typical bedtime routine might include diaper and pajamas, a quiet

game, nursing/bottle/sippie (for babies younger than 1 or 2), teeth

brushing, potty (if applicable), book (or 2), singing and cuddling,

and then lights out.

I purposely did not include a bath in my sample routine above for a

few reasons:

Some parents simply don’t have the time or desire to give a bath

every single night. You might work full time and not get home until

pretty close to bedtime.

Your child may have dry skin and even plain water can dry out his

skin more.

If your child is spirited, a bath can actually have the opposite effect

from relaxing your child and instead, give him a boost of energy.

Whatever your specific routine is, the individual steps are

unimportant. It is only your consistency that makes your routines

successful or not. Sometimes all that’s standing in the way of a child

sleeping well is a good, consistent routine.



A nap routine is usually very similar to the bedtime routine, but

usually shorter (about 10 minutes). Again, the key is the consistency,

not the specific steps.

HYPERLINK "http://members.picknicksbrain.com/

help-your-child-sleep/sleep-

associations/"Sleep Associations – Is it harmful to rock

your baby?

Is it a bad idea to rock your baby? Can it be harmful to your baby? It

depends. It is never a bad idea to cuddle your baby and give her lots

of love and affection! It’s only when rocking your baby becomes a

task difficult to sustain is it a problem. It becomes harmful to the

baby if you need to continually rock your baby all night long,

robbing her of adequate sleep.

How do you fall asleep?What kind of routine do you do before you go to sleep each night?

Do you watch TV? Talk to your partner? Do you read a book? Do

you sleep on a pillow? These are the types of things you associate

with going to sleep each night. What would happen if your power

was out and you couldn’t watch the news or read your book? Would

you have trouble falling asleep? Maybe. Maybe not. Would you

have trouble going to sleep without your pillow? That might be morelikely to give you trouble. Some sleep associations are stronger than

others. What if you went to sleep with your pillow and covers and 2

hours later woke up and they were gone? Would you be able to go

back to sleep without looking for the pillow? Now let’s look at how

this concept might affect your baby.



How does your child fall asleep?

Let’s look at how many babies fall asleep. They might fall asleep

while their mother or father is rocking them in a rocking chair, bundled up and very cozy in their parent’s arms. Or, they may fall

asleep nursing or sucking on a bottle of breast milk or formula. Or,

maybe they doze off with the simple use of a pacifier. Minus the

teeth issue with breast milk / formula later on, there isn’t a problem

with any of these methods of falling asleep until it is a problem.

From the time my son was an itty bitty baby, he loved to be walked,

rocked and nursed to sleep. He also loved napping in the movingswing. At first this was not a problem. He would fall asleep quickly

and we’d put him down. But, several weeks later, I found myself

rocking him for 2-3 hours each night to put him to bed. He’d fall

asleep easily, but then when I put him down he’d wake up! Ah! And,

then I’d need to repeat it every 1-2 hours when he woke up. It was

exhausting! And, I didn’t understand why until later on when I

learned about sleep associations.

The problem with sleep associations lies in the fact that your baby

needs YOU to recreate the environment in which they fell asleep.

YOU become their “pillow” and when they wake up through sleep

transitions (that we ALL have!) and their pillow is gone, they don’t

know how to go back to sleep.

So, the key is to allow them to go to sleep the same way they will

wake up periodically throughout the night. If they wake up briefly

and find you gone or the movement has stopped (as with my son) or

their pacifier is gone or…they will wake up more and have to call

out to you so you can “help” them once again. “Find my ‘pillow’,

mommy and daddy!!”



I want to reiterate that rocking your baby, using a pacifier, nursing or

drinking a bottle before bed, etc. are not bad things to do. If you

don’t mind rocking your baby for 10 minutes and he falls asleep, you

transfer him to his bed (or take him to bed with you) and he sleeps

all night, then there is no problem. It’s only when you can’t keep upwith the that it becomes a problem.

Keep in mind that your sleep fragmentation that makes you

exhausted is no better for your baby than it is for you. If you are

cranky, don’t you think she will be too over time? I would have

LOVED to rock my son to sleep every night and boy did I try over

and over (unintentionally — just in my nature). We slipped back into

bad habits more times than I want to count, but it just became a hitchfor him EVERY time. In the end, I was able to continue to nurse him

to sleep once he learned the necessary skills to go BACK to sleep

throughout the rest of the night, but he did have to learn those first.

With opportunity and practice we can all learn a new way to sleep,

even without a pillow!

Some nursing mothers start to believe they should wean because the

baby is becoming dependent on nursing to go to sleep. Please do not

wean for this reason alone. Babies can form a sleep association with

nursing, but just as easily form one with a bottle, too. Either way, the

key here is that baby learns to fall asleep on his own regardless of

food source. I successfully nursed my eldest son for 13 months and

also helped him learn how to fall asleep without it.

HYPERLINK "http://members.picknicksbrain.com/

help-your-child-sleep/when-to-sleep-

train/"When to Sleep Train



Typically, it is not recommended to start formal sleep training until

at least 4 months old. However, every parent must decide for herself

when the best time to start for your baby. You know your baby best!

For younger babies, there is an alternative method described below.

However, under 2 months of age it is highly recommended to dowhatever you can to help your baby sleep and do not even employ

the sleep training variation. Some parents (particularly if they have a

very challenging sleeper but have other kids to tend to), decide to

start at 10 weeks old only to find it doesn’t work and try again at 12

weeks with great success. So, if you do start early, you may need to

monitor closer and reassess sooner than recommended below. I

based when to start sleep training my sons on the time it seemed the

way they were falling asleep became a preference, rather than a

necessity. In other words, when they were 6 weeks old, I could tell

they needed my help to fall asleep. Later on, I recognized when they

wanted it, but my “help” was only getting in the way of better sleep.

It is never too early to start routines and set the stage for healthy

sleep habits, though. It does not hurt to try to put your baby down

drowsy, but awake from birth, but of course many babies may notactually fall asleep on their own. Also, I highly recommend not

running to baby at the slightest whimper. It is common for babies to

re-settle themselves and when you get to them too quickly you might

actually wake them up or at the very least, inhibit their ability to

learn how to self-soothe back to sleep when it’s possible they may

have re-settled on their very own. I know at 2am, 1 minute feels like

20, so watch the clock.

Ideally, it is best to sleep train by 7 months or so because as babies

get older, habits will die harder. I have seen parents feel they started

too late by just having waited until 8 months. But, every parent must

feel comfortable in their decision, too. I do believe parents struggle

more once baby can pull up and stand in her crib, though. Of course,



if you are reading this and your baby is already older, don’t fret!

You, too, can make changes!

HYPERLINK


help-your-child-sleep/how-to-sleep-

train/"How to Sleep Train

It is unlikely that breaking sleep associations and changing rules on

how a baby goes to sleep will be met without at least some protest.

You are changing all they have known for however long you’ve

been putting them to sleep the way you have been. They may not

like it, at first, just like you may not like to learn how to stop

sleeping with a pillow. But, with time and consistency, we all can

learn a new way to sleep. We can all learn a new skill (way to sleep)

with time, patience, commitment and PRACTICE! You cannot

expect to make changes without allowing them to practice the new

skill, just like riding a bike. If you always hold on, they will never learn to balance themselves.

All of the below methods I describe will indicate that you do your

baby’s bedtime routine and then put him down DROWSY, BUT

AWAKE. Ideally, drowsy is when baby is just about asleep, eyes

closed and when you put him down he re-settles himself and goes to

sleep. We are not always successful at achieving the perfect

drowsiness level, but you want your baby as relaxed as possible

before you put him down. However, you do not want to take an hour

to do this, either. Most nap routines are about 10 minutes and

bedtime routines about 20-30 minutes (longer for colicky or spirited

children who need more soothing). Do not make routines so long

that you are putting baby down too late just to get the perfect





consistent, however different parts of the brain handle each day and

night sleep. So, actually, you can continue to rock/nurse/etc. to sleep

for naps and not at bedtime and nights, but it is up to you who knows

your baby best to know what will have the most potential for

success. I recommend starting with nights because parents usuallysee results much faster at night, compared to days, giving you

confidence to stick with it. Naps can take up to 2 weeks or longer

while some of the methods above can take only 3-4 nights. Once you

start to see progress, you will have more wherewithal to continue

with the training. Also, at night you have very little doubt your baby

is tired, so that will help you stick to it and not second guess

yourself.

HYPERLINK


help-your-child-sleep/sleep-training-

methods/"Sleep Training Methods

No/Limited Crying Techniques

Fading Technique

The “fading” technique is when you do help him/her to sleep, but

you have guidelines/rules and you are slowly allowing him/her tolearn how to fall asleep on his/her own. He may cry, but it’s with

you there and you do what you can to limit any crying. So, for

example, the first night you might do your routine and put him down

in his crib (or in bed with you as I did) DROWSY, BUT AWAKE…

pat his/her back, sing to him, ssshhh…you might even pick him/her



up if he is getting too upset, but the main rule is he falls asleep in the

crib (or next to you), not on you, not rocking, not nursing, not

“doing” the primary sleep association you are trying to break. The

next night (or 2nd or whenever you are comfortable), you might

graduate to doing less patting, singing, etc. or you might not pick upat all. The next night you might verbally soothe, but no touching (or

vice versa). The next night maybe you are just sitting there, etc. This

method takes more time, patience and consistency than other

methods, but it can work with your commitment. Some babies do

just get more frustrated with you there, but the main key is he starts

to learn how to fall asleep without your “help”.

When I did this with my eldest son, I nursed him in our glider andthen I took him to bed with me (we had been co-sleeping). I laid him

next to me to fall asleep. Anytime he’d cry, I’d pat him a little (not

too much because we were trying to break the movement and

nursing-to-sleep habit), sing and ssshhhh him. It took us TWO

LONG HOURS for TWO NIGHTS but by night 3 he did it in just 20

minutes and on the 4th night in his crib with NO CRYING! We later

had setbacks (and more setbacks and we ultimately did end up usinga crying method, but with son #2, we never had to and used this

same method), but that was our first step in achieving 10x better

sleep for all of us. I tell you this to show you that it’s not for the faint

of heart. Those 2 hours were very frustrating for both of us when I

knew he’d be asleep in 2 minutes if I just nursed him. He took to

sucking on my sheet (and later a light receiving blanket I slept on

that became his lovey for 2-3 months. He never took a pacifier nor

sucked his thumb. I got lucky!). I have recommended this method to

many parents who do not wish to let their child cry. It works for

some and not others. Your commitment and ability to stick with it is

the primary driving force in the success behind it along with your

baby’s temperament. I recommend writing your plan down ahead of

time, so you will stick with it. You can always tweak it, but thinking



it through helps to commit to it.

Pros: Very limited crying

Parent doesn’t feel like she is abandoning her baby

Cons: Most likely will take a lot longer than other methods from acouple weeks to several months making it hard for the parent to stick

to 100%.

Might be easier to slip back to old habits after illnesses, traveling,

etc.

Crying techniques

Chair Method

This is a variation of the fading method above, but usually you allow

more crying, but with you right there. Typically, you do not interact

much with your child with this method, but are only there to

reinforce that you have not left him/her alone.

The first night you will place a chair as close to the crib/bed as

possible, sit on it and soothe with your voice when (s)he is crying.After a night or two, you move the chair a bit further. Another

couple of nights later, you move the chair even further, etc. until the

chair is out of the room and you are leaving her alone to fall asleep

on his/her own. You will want to reiterate the same words over and

over, so your baby learns that the words mean go to sleep. You

might say things like “It’s okay. I’m right here, but it’s time for you

to go night night. I love you.” This is a good method to choose

especially if you have an aversion to allowing a baby to cry alone in

his/her room. If progress is too slow, you may want to limit much

talking whatsoever with your baby as any positive or negative

attention typically encourages the crying to continue.

Pros: Parent doesn’t feel like (s)he is abandoning his/her baby



Cons: Most likely will take somewhat longer than other methods.

May be more difficult for the parent to stick to “watching” their

baby cry.

Check-and-consoleSome know this as “The Ferber Method” or “Ferberizing”. This

method is a crying method, but you go in and check on baby at

intervals until she falls asleep (for naps limit crying to 1 hour). The

first night you go in after 5 minutes (or 3 if you are more

comfortable), then 10 (or 5), then every 15 (or 10) minutes. Every

night you increase each interval by 5 minutes and you treat all night-

wakings the same (after any feedings, if applicable). When you go into check and console you are to reassure her, but not pick her up and

certainly not help her to sleep because this is what she is learning to

do on her own! This is an important note because many times the

parent thinks they are supposed to soothe the baby to sleep, but the

idea is only to check on her for your peace of mind and to reassure

her that you have not vanished.

Pros: Usually only takes 3-4 nights for nighttime training.Reassuring when you go check on the baby and see she is okay.

Cons: Can be difficult to go in and see your baby crying and stick to

it, especially if baby cries for a longer period of time.

Example Check-and-Console Session

Night 1: Put baby down DROWSY, BUT AWAKE and she criesimmediately. Go in after 5 minutes, then 10, then every 15 until she

falls asleep. Treat all night-wakings the same way (after any

applicable feedings, if necessary).

Night 2: Put baby down and she plays for 10 minutes and then

begins to cry. Start the timer after she starts to cry. Go in after 10





again 30 minutes later. Repeat until they get the hang of falling

asleep on their own. It is a learning process.

HYPERLINK


help-your-child-sleep/why-sleep-

training-is-not-cry-it-out/"What is Cry-It-Out

and Why Sleep Training is NOT Cry-It-Out

Over time, it seems the term “sleep training” has become

synonymous with the term “cry-it-out”, with good reason with some

of the websites out there. Cry-it-out means something different to

everyone. I know those against it seem to equate it to throwing your

baby in a room to cry for hours on-end simply because you don’t

want to tend to the baby. I wholeheartedly disagree with this

definition. Cry-It-Out should never replace parenting we all must do

such as feedings, diaper-changes, etc. Allowing your baby to cry

because you do not wish to replace a pacifier 10 times per night or nurse all night or feed a bottle every hour when baby does not need

it, is a whole other matter (see “Crying During Sleep Training” for

more information).

Sleep training starts with respecting your child’s need for sleep and

doing your part to ensure he gets the sleep he needs. This does not

mean throwing up your hands if they won’t nap and saying to

yourself “I guess if she won’t sleep, she doesn’t need it.” Babies,

toddlers, and young children need a LOT of sleep. The #1 important

aspect of how you help them get the sleep they need, is that you are

consistent. To nap with them only on Mondays, Wednesdays and

Fridays, for example, will only confuse them and set unrealistic

expectations. This is unfair to them. So, whatever you do to get your





to avoid some tears or not. But, in reality, the crying is usually much

harder on the parents than the baby. It is all worth it when baby

wakes happily from a good night’s rest. For years to come your baby

will protest rules that you make such as “no candy before dinner”,

“No forks in an outlet”, “Must sit in carseat while driving” and thisis similar to that. You are making rules for your baby and babies

thrive on routine and limits. She will slowly start to understand, over

time, that you are doing what’s best for her by allowing her to get

the sleep she needs.

I, personally, ended up using a crying method for my eldest son and

never once regretted it. I honestly know there was no alternative.

Years later, he is a great sleeper, but still afraid that going to bedmeans he will miss something very exciting and still doesn’t want to

go to bed! I remind myself one day I will have to drag him out of

bed when he is a teenager.

As many other things, the amount of crying varies by baby. Some

cry 5-10 minutes and sleep the rest of the night while others can cry

for 1-2 hours or more and continue to wake up a few times in the

night. It is important to be 100% committed and stick to it for one

solid week before deciding it is not working.

While your baby is crying, it sometimes helps to occupy yourself

with something else like a shower, laundry, etc. If it will help, make

yourself a mantra to get through it. An example might be “Should I

go in there? No. Because he would have cried all that time for

nothing and that’s not fair. My waffling is not fair. What is thealternative? Only what has not worked so far. He needs to learn to

sleep.”

Once you start a crying method, be careful about “giving in”. It is

really difficult to know whether you are 100% committed until you

are going through it, but when we allow them to cry for an amount



of time and then “rescue him”, we basically guarantee that much

crying, or more, next time. Believe me, I know how hard it is! This

is only a warning to try to 100% commit to any method for a week

before you decide it isn’t working. If you have a particularly difficult

case, however, don’t hesitate to take a break if you both need one. Itmay or may not make it a little harder down the road, but sometimes

you really do just need a break from it all.

Many people are convinced their baby will be one who cries all

night and then are pleasantly surprised when she cries 15 minutes.

No, I’m not going to promise you YOURS will only cry 15 minutes.

The longest crying session I know about is my own. My first son’s

longest crying session was 2 ½ hours. That was the worst night, buteverything was 10 times better after we got through those first few

days. No doubt my waffling leading up to that point actually

promoted more crying due to my prior failed attempts. I did not

understand the importance of 100% commitment that I’m trying to

share with you today.

No parent plans ahead of time they are going to let their baby cry to

help them learn to sleep, but in reality, sometimes that’s just where

you end up and it doesn’t make you a bad parent that you did!

Whether your baby is having trouble functioning or you are, sleep

deprivation takes its toll on many families. From post-partum

depression to running stop signs while driving (one parent came to

me when she did) to risking your job that feeds your family, sleep

deprivation is hard on parents, too. I also believe that when we are

sleep-deprived, we are not as effective parents. You might sit on thecouch more rather than take your baby outside or engage them in a

book. You might be less patient with them. And, if they are cranky,

they won’t be learning as much or have as much fun learning to

crawl or watch as you read a book. So, don’t let a few tears be the

only thing to stand in your way of healthy sleep habits for you and



your family.

HYPERLINK

"http://members.picknicksbrain.com/help-your-child-sleep/nap-training/" Nap

Training

To nap train, do a short 10 minute routine (book, light music,

rocking) and put baby in his crib DROWSY, BUT AWAKE. Then,

implement the “nap hour” as explained in the “ HYPERLINK

"http://members.picknicksbrain.com/uncategorized/naps-and-schedules/" \n _self Naps and Schedules” section of this book,

detailed further here. Your baby should have a designated nap time

in his crib for one hour for his first 2 naps of each day. Require him

to stay in his crib for one hour, sleeping or not. This will encourage

him to go BACK to sleep should he wake too early and help

lengthen his naps. Once a baby has slept at least one hour, though, it

is highly unlikely he will go back to sleep, even if he’s still tired, so

just get him up at that point.

Nap training is very similar in that you use the same techniques

mentioned above for nights, but if you are using a crying method,

you limit crying to 1 hour. If you are not using a crying method,

you’d “do” your method of choice for one hour. If she does not sleep

in that one hour, get her up and try again one hour later. Do not wait

until the next scheduled nap time as that is too long and she will beovertired. This is temporary because as you continue to nap train,

she will stop crying through the full hour and you will be able to get

back to a schedule (if she’s old enough – see “ HYPERLINK

"http://members.picknicksbrain.com/uncategorized/naps-and-

schedules/" \n _self Naps and Schedules” section).



Note: For particularly strong-willed babies or babies that are

sleeping 45 minutes, for example, but need more than 15 minutes to

fall back to sleep, you may want to give him 1 hour 15 or 30 minutes

to give him enough time to sleep. This is a judgment call. When I

was doing this, if at the 1 hour mark, he sounded pretty close togoing back to sleep, I gave my son 10-15 more minutes. If he was

crying, I got him up, since he had already fulfilled his “one hour”

requirement. At first he did wake up and fuss/cry for 15 minutes,

then he started waking and playing, then he’d wake, play and go

back to sleep and finally, he started just sleeping straight through

most of the time (we all have bad days, though, so don’t expect

every nap or every day to be perfect).

If your baby does not sleep for an entire hour, get him up and try

again an hour later. If he sleeps at all, however brief, give him

another nap either on schedule (if he’s old enough) or once you start

to see sleepy signs if you are still napping based on cues.

For the final nap of the day, do not implement a “nap hour”, but only

give him half an hour. This nap is usually a short catnap 30-45

minutes, but is also considered optional and thus, it’s the hardest nap

to get from your baby. This is the only nap that is OK to give in a

stroller, car, etc. if baby will fall asleep. My first son did not, so I

always napped him in the crib. At the very least, if he does not sleep,

this is down-time once he learns not to cry during this time. They

learn to play and “chill out” because now this is routine and they’ve

come to expect they have designated times in the crib, no matter

what.

It is important that you try to put your baby down before she is

overtired when doing nap training (please see “Naps and Schedules”

for ideal wake-times and schedules to try). Once she is overtired, she

is more likely to cry through the whole hour. This is true even weeks



down the road after she may be sleeping wonderfully for days on-

end. During initial training, always err on the side of earlier rather

than later. And, I always suggest having baby in bed 10 minutes

before you want her to be asleep. This gives her unwind time and

time to fall asleep before she gets overtired and possibly a secondwind from the hormone rush fighting fatigue. That means you are

starting your nap routine 20 minutes prior to “fall asleep” time and

putting her down 10 minutes later. Although it is ideal baby is

drowsy when she goes into the crib, this is simply not always

possible. It is better to put her down “on time” than to achieve

perfect drowsiness level.

A variation on nap training is to first focus on falling TO sleep atnap time. You would use the “nap hour” as a way to help her learn to

fall asleep at nap time, but not worry about the length of the naps

just yet. As long as she fell asleep, however brief, once she woke up

you would get her up right away. Once she is falling TO sleep on her

own within 10 minutes or so, you can then start to encourage her to

lengthen the naps as discussed above. The idea here is that if you are

using a crying method, it is sometimes brutal to allow them to cryfor 20 minutes, she sleeps 30 and you allow her to cry another 10. If

you simply can’t do that or don’t want to, this variation is a good

choice. You want to choose a method that you are most likely to

100% commit to with success.

HYPERLINK

"http://members.picknicksbrain.com/help-your-child-sleep/night-

weaning/" Night Weaning

The answer to the question of when a child can go all night without



eating varies widely among the “experts” and pediatricians alike.

Some will say once they double their birth weight while others will

say 1-2 feedings up until 9 months is normal. Some say they need to

eat on demand every 3 to 6 hours until they are on 3 square solid

meals per day. Many will say by 6 months they can go all nightwithout eating and others say by 3 or 4 months.

I personally believe that babies vary and so will the answer to this

question and thus it is up to you, who know your baby best, (and

your pediatrician) to determine whether she needs to eat at night. It

is important to note that it is not normal for a baby to need to eat

every hour or two once they are at least 3 months old (or sooner). If

this is happening, it is likely your baby has a sleep association with a bottle or nursing (see above). Studies have shown that it has nothing

to do with nutrition or solids, but a developmental milestone, so

please don’t start solids only to lengthen sleep.

I typically err on the side of caution that a baby needs to eat at night

1-2 times up through 9 months or even a year. I, personally, night-

weaned my eldest son when he stopped going right back to sleep at 4

a.m. and decided it was disrupting his sleep too much. However,

even after night-weaning, he continued to wake in the 5 o’clock hour

up through a year old 3-4 times per week. I tried to fully night-wean

him, but in the end decided it was best for both of us to feed him and

then put him back down for another 1-2 hours. He was finally able to

go all night on his own around his first birthday. My philosophy is

to sleep train to fix problems, but not make a child go hungry if

they can’t comfortably go all night without nutrition.

There are several methods to night-wean your baby. Some people

employ a “cold-turkey” approach where they just decide to stop

feeding at night. They may not go in at all or they may do checks,

but not feed. Many babies usually stop eating in just a couple nights



(if they are ready).

An alternative and my recommended method would be to night-

wean slower because even if your baby doesn’t “need” to eat at night

doesn’t mean she isn’t used to eating at night and legitimatelyhungry. The idea is to slowly make your baby go longer between

feedings and at the same time, eat less. So, every night you increase

the time between feedings by 30 minutes while also decreasing how

much she eats by 1 ounce (if bottle-fed) or 1 minute (if nursing). If

you are unsure how long she is nursing, just make a rough guess

about 8-10 minutes or start where you are comfortable. It is up to

you whether you include time to let-down (if nursing). Whatever you

choose, be consistent and the details are unimportant.

It is important to note that healthy babies WILL adjust and eat more

during the day. Up until now, it’s a chicken and egg problem

because she won’t eat more during the day while getting some

calories at night and won’t stop eating at night if she doesn’t eat

more during the day. That’s why a slower transition helps even it out

with the least amount of tears. If your pediatrician has given you the

go-ahead to stop feeding at night, this is a good method to do so. The

theory behind this method is that you “train” your body to get

hungry at roughly the same time every day, similar to how you

might get hungry for lunch at the same time every day and you

slowly want to adjust to a later or earlier time.

Example Night-weaning (Complete night-weaning)

Current schedule: 2 feedings at roughly 1 a.m. and 4 a.m. – 4 oz

bottles each (or 2 8-minute nursings)

Night 1: Do not feed until 1:30 a.m. and 5 a.m. (you are increasing

time between feedings, too) and decrease bottle to 3 oz (or reduce

nursing time to 7 minutes).



Night 2: Do not feed until 2 a.m. and 5:30 a.m. and decrease bottle

to 2 oz (or nurse 6 minutes).

Night 3: Do not feed until 2:30 a.m. and 6 a.m. and decrease bottle

to 1 oz each (or nurse 5 minutes). Night 4: Do not feed

Example Night-weaning (Reduce to just 1 night-feeding)

Current schedule: 2 feedings at roughly 1 a.m. and 4 a.m. – 4 oz

bottles each (or 2 8-minute nursings)

Night 1: Do not feed until 1:30 a.m. (full feeding) and 5 a.m. (youare increasing time between feedings, too) and decrease only the 2nd

bottle to 3 oz (or nurse 7 minutes).

Night 2: Do not feed until 2 a.m. (full feeding) and 5:30 a.m. and

decrease 2nd bottle to 2 oz (or nurse 6 minutes).

Night 3: Do not feed until 2:30 a.m. (full feeding) and 6 a.m. and

decrease bottle to 1 oz each (or nurse 5 minutes).

Night 4: Do not feed until 3:00 a.m. (full feeding) and do not feed a

2nd time until time to get up.

Make it a goal to get the one and only feeding to 3 or 4 a.m.

HYPERLINK


help-your-child-sleep/transitioning-

from-co-sleeping-to-crib/"Transitioning From

Co-Sleeping to Crib



When transitioning from co-sleeping to a crib, first, make sure to

spend some non-sleep time in your baby’s room and crib. Play with

him, read books, etc. This will help him feel comfortable in his

room. Second, sleep on a light receiving blanket for a night or two so

it smells like you and this will give him comfort while he sleepsalone (Note: You must do what you are comfortable with. Due to the

SIDS risk, I only did this after 4 months old. Please review with your

pediatrician if you have doubts about when to do this). Finally, use

one of the methods above to help him learn how to fall asleep on his

own. I typically recommend a slower (and non-crying) approach the

longer you’ve been co-sleeping as it’s a big change for your baby. It

will take longer, but you will be better able to stick to it and be

consistent and your baby may have an easier time coping with the

big change.

HYPERLINK


help-your-child-sleep/transitioning-from-crib-to-toddler-bed/"Transitioning From

Crib to Toddler/Twin Bed



On average, most people transition their toddlers to “big” beds

around 2-3 years old. The main challenge with a big bed is the

imaginary boundaries. For some younger toddlers, they simply are

not ready, developmentally, and some don’t feel as secure without

the comfort of the enclosure.

For a smoother transition, involve your toddler in purchasing the bed



(and furniture, if applicable) such that she is a part of this big

transition. It will get her excited about it, too. It is important to take

into consideration your child’s personality when transitioning. My

son, for example, was very adverse to change. Transitions are hard

for him, even today. So, we transitioned over a period of a month.We had a baby on the way and started decorating his new room with

a Cars® theme. We involved him and took our time getting it ready.

It built up the event. We spent time in his new room during non-

sleep times, too. When we felt he was ready (because he was finally asking to sleep in

there), we moved his crib into his new room, too, and gave him the

option of either the bed or the crib. Toddlers love choices! He chose

the bed, but I felt good knowing we’d have the crib, just in case he

woke up in a panic. He never did and never did sleep in his crib

again. Perhaps we were lucky. I do believe that bedtime routines are

very important. He was already comfortable in his routines and so

the only change was the room & bed he was sleeping in.

If your child is not adverse to change or transition, some “pull off the band-aid fast” by just switching to a bed one day. They may

count down with a calendar and celebrate with a small party in the

room, complete with balloons. Or, they surprise their child with a

new room when she didn’t know it was even going to happen. Either

way, make it a big deal in a positive way to get your child excited

about it.

Some children feel a bit uneasy, at first. My son did too. It’s normal.Some will say not to stay with your child until he falls asleep, so you

do not set that expectation every night. I think that is good advice,

however, I do think we, as parents, need to also give them security. I

do think it is possible to stay with her until she is asleep for a few

days to a week and then work your way up to leaving sooner and



sooner in the process (similar to Fading, above). If she is feeling

uneasy, let her know you will be back in 5 minutes to check on her if

she isn’t asleep yet. And, then make sure you go back after 5

minutes. It builds trust and she knows you are there for her. I do not

recommend staying with her until she is asleep for a month, for example, and then expect it to be an easy transition to leave earlier.

Finally, it is also normal for your toddler to go through a phase of

having his door open (if it was closed in the first place). He feels

connected to the household and it gives him security. As long as it

doesn’t hinder his ability to sleep, allow him this freedom as long as

he stays in bed and follows any other rules you set. The phase will

end, eventually.

HYPERLINK


help-your-child-sleep/toddlers-in-big-

beds-getting-up/"Toddlers in “Big” Beds – The “Jack in the Box”



If your toddler is repeatedly getting out of bed, rather than sleeping,

and you have ruled out a schedule problem (i.e. bedtime is too early)

or security problem, your options are to use one of the abovemethods and put a gate at the door or employ a “return to bed”

method.

To return her to bed, you should first take the opportunity during the

day to talk about not getting out of bed at night. You may also want



to implement a sticker chart to reward good behavior. For each night

she stays in bed, she gets a sticker and after so many stickers, she

gets a small (that won’t break your bank) toy or treat (my son liked

little matchbox cars). If she does get out of bed, return her to bed

without talking or interaction. Any positive or negativereinforcement will continue the behavior, so it’s important to return

her to bed business-like. This takes a lot of patience, but with

consistency and determination, will work in the long run. The first

two nights are typically the hardest with many returns to bed, but

usually after that, with consistency, things should improve.

It may come to pass that she is sleeping well and then reverts back.

You may have to reassure her the first time, but then stick with thenon-interactive return to bed subsequently so you don’t end up back

in the same place once again.

Another option is if your child likes his door open, you can make it a

rule he can have his door open as long as he stays in bed . Be

consistent! Their job is to test. If he gets out of bed, then the door

closes. You must follow through with any “threat”.

HYPERLINK


help-your-child-sleep/the-toddler-

staller/"The Toddler Staller



Ah! So, your toddler is stalling. This is normal, but can get out of

hand if you allow it too much. Some ideas to curb this are to set firm





prize.

• Make a rule that mommy or daddy or somebody will come get him

when it’s time to get up and if he gets up beforehand, implement a

loss of privilege (i.e. No playing at the park today or no Dora or noMatchbox cars today, etc.).

HYPERLINK


help-your-child-sleep/where-do-i-

start/"Where Do I Start? What Steps Do I Take?

1. Read this e-Book (I’m sure that is self-explanatory. You did not

buy it for nothing).

2. Log your child’s sleep for one week and get good at detecting

their sleepy and overtired cues (for babies under 1 year old).

3. Determine all of your child’s sleep problems. In other words, whathabits do you want to break? What is your primary goal,

specifically? We know you want your child to sleep all night, but

specifically what do you want to achieve? An example might be “I

don’t want to have to replace the pacifier 10 times per night” or “I

can no longer rock him for an hour before he will stay down”. Write

these down if it helps (see worksheet in Appendix C).

4. Decide if you want to work on days and nights together or just one

first. Day and night sleep are each handled by different parts of the

brain, so you can do one and not the other (see “How to Sleep Train”

for my recommendation).

5. Decide what method you want to use. Write down your plan, if it



helps you stick to it! Be Consistent! Consistency is key!

6. Make yourself a mantra you will repeat to yourself when things

get rough. Mine was something like “Should I give up? No. Because

then he would have gone through this all this time for nothing. Mywaffling is not fair to him. What is the alternative? Nothing but

wasn’t working before. He needs to learn how to sleep.”

7. Begin your plan and commit to it 100% for at least 1 week before

you re-evaluate. You may need to make tweaks here and there. I

recommend changing just one thing at a time, so you know what’s

working and what’s not. If you “mess up”, don’t beat yourself up!

Just try again next time. This is a learning process for both of you!

HYPERLINK


help-your-child-sleep/concluding-

remarks/"Concluding Remarks

No one sleep training method will work for everyone and that’s why

I don’t recommend one over another. The method that will work for

you and your family is dependent on your philosophy as a parent and

the temperament and personality of your child. I can’t tell you which

method YOU will be able to commit to 100%. Consistency is the

key to any method’s success. Studies have shown that all of the

methods can and do work with consistency. As long as babies knowwhat to expect they will adapt to your family’s lifestyle.

Sleep training is often not a cure-all. There will be teething,

traveling, illnesses, etc. that might set you back along with

developmental milestones. Babies change rapidly during their first



year. Thankfully, a previously sleep trained child will bounce back

to normal after a setback with just a “refresher” course. Some people

feel they are “training” non-stop and that’s because they have more

difficult sleepers. But, for many, there really is no alternative.

I slipped back with my eldest son many times because one night

staying with him when he was sick led to staying with him for an

hour or more when he was better again. I could not continue to rob

him of his sleep when it clearly affected his behavior every day. So,

we had to train and re-train many times over. Just like a diet can

have setbacks, you have to change your lifestyle rather than look for

the quick fix. I will say that over time, once my son was good at

putting himself to sleep, I could let him fall asleep at bedtime,nursing, and he’d continue to sleep all night. He just needed the

knowledge and experience first of knowing how to fall asleep

without my “help” all night first.

I hope this guide has been helpful for the sleep deprived and it will

help lead you to many nights of restful sleep for your entire family.

HYPERLINK


help-your-child-sleep/appendix-a-

faq/"Appendix A- FAQ

What do I do about traveling? Do I sleep train while traveling?Some people do sleep train while traveling, but it usually depends on

where you’re going and for how long. If you are going camping for

3 days, it’s unlikely you will be able to employ any crying methods

because you would disturb your neighboring campers. If you are

going to grandma’s house for a month, you likely won’t want to fall



back into bad habits for so long. So, you need to just use your best

judgment and just keep in mind the child will be in a “foreign” place

and likely his schedule might be different resulting in more over-

tiredness, too.

Do I sleep train when baby is sick?

Again, you need to use your best judgment, but in general, I say not

to sleep train while baby is sick. You know how you feel when

you’re sick, so your baby may need more comforting during this

time. Having said that, when baby is on the upswing and you are

doing more harm than good “helping” her to sleep, you may want to

leave her alone to get more rest to get better. You know your baby best and you will be able to tell how she is feeling throughout the

rest of the day to determine just how miserable she is feeling or not.

Do I sleep train when baby is teething?

Some “experts” have said that teething does not disrupt sleep. I

disagree. I believe some babies don’t skip a beat when they get teeth,

but I believe some definitely are affected. Since we can’t feel whatthey feel, I err on the side of caution. I certainly don’t remember

what it felt like when teeth erupted through my gums for the first

time! However, they teethe for what seems like a constant two years

and it’s not good for either of you not to get enough sleep for 2

years! During rough teething patches, give some Tylenol or Motrin

(I like the latter better because it lasts longer) and some Orajel (or

teething tablets) 30 minutes before bed. That will at least make himmore comfortable during bedtime. You may need to re-dose during

the night. Usually sleep disruptions only last a few days to a week.

Any longer, and you probably have a different sleep problem.

After traveling or being sick, how long will it take for him to

start sleeping better again?



The good news is that usually, previously sleep trained babies go

back to sleeping well after just a couple of days (maybe longer for

no-crying methods).

How long will my baby cry if I use a crying method?Unfortunately, I can’t tell you how long your baby will cry since all

babies are unique. However, the average, in my experience with

other parents (not my own child, unfortunately, because of his

strong-will), seems to be about 30 minutes in a stretch. If you are

breaking a pacifier habit, that seems to cause more up and down

crying throughout the night, in my experience, but only for a few

days (usually). I can also tell you that many people prepare

themselves for the worst and their child surprises them by not crying

long at all!

Will my baby sleep well from now on if I do cry-it-out?

Not necessarily, unfortunately. I can tell you that it will probably be

10 times better, but cry-it-out is sometimes not a cure-all, depending

on the child. There could be ups and downs along the way as newmilestones come up, as your child becomes much more aware of

cause & effect, as he learns he can get his way sometimes by crying.

All I know is that the method you were using was not working for

one or both of you, so it still might be your best option. Only you

can decide that, though.

What if my baby is rolling over, sitting up or pulling up?

Baby learns to roll one way pretty early, but usually not both ways

for quite awhile. Even when they can roll the other direction, they

don’t always think to do it in the middle of the night, so it depends

on how you want to handle it. You may be okay with going in and

rolling her over a couple times per night or maybe you’re not or you





Around this age your baby will probably start to return your smiles.

Awww!

Weeks 7-8: Earlier bedtime starts to develop and longer periods at

night (you hope). Start to watch for bedtime to get to between 6 & 8 p.m. You might just notice his last nap become bedtime as he will be

cranky when he gets up from his “nap”.

At this age, he will also probably start to coo and gurgle. Awww!

Weeks 9-16: If your baby was colicky, it should start getting better

around this age. A morning nap starts to develop. She will likely

want her first nap shortly after waking. The first waking of the day isgenerally the shortest. Short naps (30-45 minutes) are common until

6 months of age. If she is going to bed earlier and getting better rest,

she may not need as long of a morning nap anymore. This is the time

when some “good” sleepers start to turn “bad” (sounds like a bad

horror movie).

At this age, she may also coo at you, smile and laugh. Some also

start to get teeth around this age. Watch out breast feeders! For tipson biting and other breastfeeding concerns, please see

HYPERLINK "http://www.kellymom.com/" \n

_blank http://www.kellymom.com

Months 5-6: An early afternoon nap starts to develop and he will

begin to take 2-3 naps, rather than 3-4. The morning wake-time will

still likely be under 2 hours, but as your baby gets closer to 6 months

old, the wake-times throughout the rest of the day may get a bit

longer as you get closer to being able to nap him on a schedule.

At this age, he is likely imitating sounds you make, rolling over, and

possibly starting to crawl! They change fast, don’t they?!



Months 7-8: You can start napping your child on a schedule, which

will make planning activities and errands much easier. A typical

schedule might be 7(wake)-9(nap)-1(nap)-4(nap)-7(bed). This is just

a guideline as some babies might need less wake-time first thing in

the morning and more, later. Or, your baby may not sleep 12 hoursand you will need to adjust bedtime. Some babies also don’t have a

3rd nap. While we consider a nap restorative only if it’s longer than

1 hour, the 3rd nap is generally only 30-45 minutes, if they have one

at all. If he doesn’t have a 3rd nap, you might be better off spacing

the naps more like 7(wake)-10(nap)-2(nap)-7(bed).

Your baby might be crawling by now (if not, don’t worry! My son

did not crawl until 10 months and then walked 3 weeks later. Healways liked being on his feet). He may also be saying “mama” or

“dada” but not meaning it.

Month 9: If your baby had a 3rd nap, it will likely disappear by this

month. It is also generally accepted that your baby no longer needs

to eat at night. Again, all babies are different. Some won’t need to

eat at night as early as a few weeks old and others might need an

early morning feeding up through a year old. This is a

developmental milestone and not related to solids, breastfeeding, etc.

Your baby may be able to stand now while holding onto something.

Watch out now! She’ll be walking before you know it! She also may

be eating finger foods and playing pat-a-cake and peak-a-boo.

Month 10-12: A small number of children start to transition to just

one nap around this age. Also, the 9th or 10th months is known for

some sleep regressions while he is reaching a lot of milestones such

as cruising, possibly saying “mama” and “dada” to the correct

parent, crawling well, waves good-bye, etc. By 12 months, he’s

indicating wants with gestures, understands “no” and simple

instructions, and may be taking a few steps on his own!



Months 13-18: Most children transition to one nap between 15 and

18 months. By 18 months, your baby is probably saying at least a

few words and possibly stringing phrases together. You may start to

see tantrums, if you haven’t already. Terrible two’s generally start

before they actually turn 2. Yay.

Experts generally encourage you to stop giving bottles between 15 &

18 months, if not sooner, because this is the age they get more

emotionally attached and long-term bottle use is supposed to

contribute to tooth decay and speech delays.

Months 19-24: Almost all children are on just one nap by 2 years

old. Although the age a child transitions to 1 nap is mostlyconcentrated within a 6-month range, losing the nap entirely has a

far wider range. Some lose the nap by as early as 2 years old and

others still nap until they go to kindergarten and beyond.

Documents

Help Your Child Sleep