How Introverts Can Work With Extroverts

  • Published on
    17-Dec-2015

  • View
    215

  • Download
    2

Embed Size (px)

DESCRIPTION

How Introverts Can Work With Extroverts

Transcript

  • 6/12/2015 HowIntrovertsCanWorkwithExtroverts

    http://www.quietrev.com/howtoconnectwithextroverts/ 1/10

    )PXUP$POOFDUXJUI

    &YUSPWFSUT

    JTI4UFQTUP)FMQ*OUSPWFSUT$SFBUF

    #PVOEBSJFT5IBU8PSL

    5(*+.#*

    Ipentthefirt15earofmlifewonderingwheveronewaalwainmpace.Itriedmettoequietandtaoutofpeoplewa,uttherealwaeemedtoeenoughofthempuhingintomule.Thelookedatme,talkedtome,touchedme,andotherwieinvadedaoundarthateemedelf-evidenttome,utovioulnottothem.Deepdown,Ilikedpeople,utwatherereallthatmuchtogoonaout?

    Ithenpentthenext15earofmlifefeelingangraouthowmuchtheworldeemedintentonintrudingintompace.Atthetime,Ithoughtofmreactionaomekindofpunk-rock-piritedreellion.TheworldwaTheMan,anditwaouttowringfrommewhatitcouldwithoutmuchthoughtformwelfare.ToatardizeomeWilliamWordworth,theworldwatoomuchwithme.

  • 6/12/2015 HowIntrovertsCanWorkwithExtroverts

    http://www.quietrev.com/howtoconnectwithextroverts/ 2/10

    Atthetime,IdidntrealizethatIwaanintrovert,experiencingacommonutaetrareltalkedaoutnon-phenomenonIcallxtrovertJuteingxtrovert.Motpeopleeemedtowanttogotothemall,hangoutinaclu,goonroadtrip,andeatfalafeltogether,andthewantedtotalkaoutallofitallofthetime.Ichoetohangack,tickacigaretteinmmouth,growoutmang,andattemptthepotureofadiaffectedpoet.Iwaeverocharming.

    thetimeIhitm30(Iwaalateloomer),IrealizedthatImightepartoftheprolem.IfiguredoutthattheextrovertinmlifeproalonleemedmoreaggreivetomeecaueofmlargerneedforperonalpaceandthatIhadntdevelopedthekilltoexprewhatmoundariewerewithanclarit.

    Forintance,aperonwouldapproachmeatworkandaomethinglike,Thireportigreat,utIwanttochataoutaniueonpage21withounow.Thiianormalrequet,utifitwadeliveredurprieinahallwaorfromehindinmcuicle,itoundedlikeTHIRPORT[heavreathing]PROLM[didhehavetacoforlunch?]NOWNOWNOW.

    xternall,IdicuedthereportlikeIimaginedanormalhumaneingwauppoedto,utinternallIattledtheurgetocurlupinmcuicleandlockeveroneoutforacoupleofhour.IfeltathoughIwereunderattack.

  • 6/12/2015 HowIntrovertsCanWorkwithExtroverts

    http://www.quietrev.com/howtoconnectwithextroverts/ 3/10

    Itendtoeonthefartherendoftheintroverionpectrum,ifthatintalreadclear,oIprefertoeapproachedaitlikeouwouldanervoucat:donttaredirectlatme,idleupeidemeratherthancomeatmeheadon,andpeakoftlletIdartehindtheofa.

    Tringtoehavelikeanextrovertwhiledeperatelwantingomethingeletohappenwanotfairtomfriendlextrovert.HowcouldtheknowthehadoverteppedanoundariewhenIrefuedtocommunicatewhatthewere?Howcouldweecomeettercoworkerorfriendifmreponewatohutdownratherthantoinitiateaninteractionthatworked?Itwatimeformetodevelopettercommunicationkillandtopleavingawakeofextrovertehindmewonderingwhatthehellwentwrong.

    OnethingIlearnedaImaturedoutofthio-calledouthfulreellionwathi:ifthewholeworldeemlikeitagaintou,itproalint.

    Iegantoeethatifanextrovertwaehavinginawathatfeltnaturalandgoodtothemandmotoftheotherpeopletheknew,themightnotealetoeewhIwauncomfortale,andmaejutmaeitwaometimeuptometoeffectthechangeIneededtoehapp.Withalittleinternalfine-tuningandalotofcourage,IdecidedthatImightealetodealwithotherhumaneinginawathatwouldteachthem

  • 6/12/2015 HowIntrovertsCanWorkwithExtroverts

    http://www.quietrev.com/howtoconnectwithextroverts/ 4/10

    howtodealwithmewhiletillpreervingmneedforpaceandalonetime.Whoknew?Imightactuallfindoutthattheplanetwaapretthopitaleplace.

    poileralert:theworldcanactualleapretthopitaleplace.

    1. Ownourpace.Giveourelfpermiiontoownthepaceouinhait.Theleextrovertedamonguoftentreatpulicpaceathoughitelongtoeveroneutu.Rememerthattheworldijutamuchouraitianoneele.Itinotanextrovertdomainthatoujuthappentoeviiting.Plantourfeet,imaginethatthegroundeneaththemiour,anddontcedeourwilloutofhait.AndImeanthatliterallwhenIaplantourfeet.Takeamoreolidtance,withourfeetetlightlapartfromeachother.Feelingphicallmoretaleandgroundedgoealongwatowardaparallelpchologicalhift.

    2. xpreourneed.Indicatewhenouroundariehaveeenovertepped.Thiiamuchaoutrepectingourelfaitiaoutmaintainingarepectfulrelationhipwithomeoneele.Itlettheotherperonknowthatoucareaoutourrelationhipwiththemecaueouwanttocreateaconnectionthatcontinuetowork,anditetaneaexpectationthecanmeet.(Motofuhaveaninternalpuppthatlikerewardforgoodehavior.)Youdonot

  • 6/12/2015 HowIntrovertsCanWorkwithExtroverts

    http://www.quietrev.com/howtoconnectwithextroverts/ 5/10

    necearilneedtoexpreourneedveralltomakethemknown,oitdoenthavetoecomeanawkwardconveration.ometimedoingomethingaimpleaholdingourookatanangleinfrontofoutoutlforcealargergapetweenouandtheotherperonwilleenoughtocommunicateourneedformorepace.Iftheinteractionilikeltoerepeated,theearlierouconfrontitinourrelationhip,theleuncomfortaleitwille.Ifouwaituntilomeonehaalreadoverteppedouroundarie10or20time,whatoriginallwouldhaveimpletourcommunicationpacecancomeoffaargumentative.Andrememer:motextrovertedpeoplearenotconcioultringtotakeoverourpace,andehavingathoughthatthecaewonthelpeitherofou.

    2a.Growecurit.Knowthatwhenouareclearaoutaoundarwithomeone,ourrelationhipwiththatperoncanecometrongerandmoreecurewithoutinvitingmoreintruion.Nomatterhowawkwarditfeeltoouatthetimeandhowmuchourfightorflightreflexmightmakeouthinktheconequencewillecalamitourememerthatpeopleloveclearoundarie.Clearoundariecreateclearexpectation,andclearexpectationallowutoundertandeachothervalueandcommunicateinwathatonduratherthanhurtu.Thetelltheotherperonthatouvaluethem,andthecanhelpouetacommunicationpacethatwillletouengagewithoutfeelingtheneedto

  • 6/12/2015 HowIntrovertsCanWorkwithExtroverts

    http://www.quietrev.com/howtoconnectwithextroverts/ 6/10

    hutdown.

    2.Acceptdicomfort.Communicatingourneedtoomeonemightmakeouuncomfortale,andthatoka.Humaneing,regardleofwherethelandontheextroverion/introverionpectrum,generallavoiddicomfortecauethingthatareuncomfortalearentfun.Whileitmighteemeaiertotepawafromconflict,coniderthi:whenitcometoconequence,itimoredeiraletofeeluncomfortaleforamomentthanreentfulforever.Thihaeenoneofmhardet-wonleon.Ratherthanfeelthedicomfortofmakingmwiheknown,Iuedtoackdownwithoutaecondthoughtandthenholdmoverteppedimaginaroundarieagainttheotherperon.utifouletaperonknowwhatouneed,ouwilleinforomepleaanturprie.Motpeoplewanttofeelliked,andthattartwiththemknowinghowtointeractwithouinawathatothofoucanundertand.

    3. Collaorate(ecauethiintaattle).uggetanalternativewafortheinteractiontogodown,andmakeadeciiontogether.Motpeoplewhoapproachoudontintendtoexpreanit-m-wa-or-the-highwaattitude,andthemightactualllikeourideaetter.Infact,thatmightewhthereinteractingwithouinthefirtplacethelikeou,andthelikehowoudothingohelpfindagoodplanforourcommunication.oundar-ettinginotequivalenttowall-uilding.Itaoutfindingcommonground

  • 6/12/2015 HowIntrovertsCanWorkwithExtroverts

    http://www.quietrev.com/howtoconnectwithextroverts/ 7/10

    together.Oncemore,withfeeling:

    ettingaoundarinotequivalenttouildingawall.ettingaoundarhelpoufindcommongroundtogether.

    Youreproalthinkingthatthialloundvernice,uthowtheheckdoeitplaout?Herehowitplaedoutformeduringthefirt30earofmlife,illutratedaaimplepla:

    Joetopmearuptlinanofficehallwa,catchingmeurprieecaueIwaupinmheadhavingthought.

    JO:THIRPORT[heavreathing]PROLM[headwaveofhitacolunch]NOWNOWNOW.

    M:[hrinkingackait]ure,oka.

    Forhourafterward,Ihakeofftre,cureJoeforaumingmtimeihitime,andrelivehicloe-talkingtacoreathinquealowmotion.Allofourfutureinteractionaremetwithanxiet.

    HerehowIlearnedtohandletheituationonceIfiguredoutthatJoeproalwantthataggreiveandthatmaeheandIjuthaddifferentocialtle:

    tep1.Ownourpace

  • 6/12/2015 HowIntrovertsCanWorkwithExtroverts

    http://www.quietrev.com/howtoconnectwithextroverts/ 8/10

    M:[IeeJoecoming,takeadeeperandtailizingreath,andetmfeetalightditanceapart.]

    tep2.xpreourneedandtep2a.Growecurit

    JO:Thireportigreat,utIwanttochataoutaniueonpage21withounow.

    Itakeatepackandholdafolderatanangleinfrontofmetocreatephicalpace.

    M:Ihavetofilethifirtandhaveaquickmeeting.Canouaddittoourcalendarforthiafternoon?

    tep2.Acceptdicomfort

    Ifeelaituncomfortaleecaueheidemandingtotalktomerightawa,utIlllive.Plu,aahugeonu,Iveetalihedaprecedentforettingmeetinginthecalendarratherthanurpriingmeinthehallwa.

    tep3.Collaorate(tep2a.Growecuritremaininplaecauethatthemagicofclearoundarie.Theoftenkeepworkingaftertheareinplace.)

    JO:How3p.m.?

    M:Thatworkforme!

    NowImhapptohavegivenmelftimetogathermthought,andJoedoenteemaimpoing.

  • 6/12/2015 HowIntrovertsCanWorkwithExtroverts

    http://www.quietrev.com/howtoconnectwithextroverts/ 9/10

    JO:Willdo.

    Hemile.HehapptohaveaolidplanandfeellikeIvaluehiinput.

    Likewithanthingwelearntodowell,ittakepracticetoundertandhowettingoundarieworkandfeel,utonceoudo,itmucheaiertoconnectandinteractwithotherwithoutincidentallhuttingthemdownorgivingupourvalualeperonaltimeandpace.

    Ofcoure,ittilluefultodonthediaffectedpoettancenowandagainifnothingele,itafunparttrick!utlearninghowtoociallcarveoutpaceformelfratherthanfeelforcedtowithdrawforelf-preervationhaeenpowerfulothformelf-confidenceandformailittoconnectwell,andometimemoredeepl,withpeoplewhoonceeemedalientome.

    Imratherfondofextroverttheeda.Andtheworldwhileittilloftentoomuchwithmeinolongeragaintme.

    JoinQuietRevolutiontoreadstoriesthatinspireyou.

    Signupforournewsletterforinsightsonwork,relationships,psychology,parentingandmore.

    You'llalsoreceiveafreeebook,ThePowerofIntroverts:9BestLovedStoriesbySusanCain.

    Pleaseprovideyournameandemail,alongwithhowoftenyouwouldliketohearfromus.

  • 6/12/2015 HowIntrovertsCanWorkwithExtroverts

    http://www.quietrev.com/howtoconnectwithextroverts/ 10/10