May13,2014

Money&Career,ProfessionalSkills

HowtoEnteraRoomLikeaBoss

“Younevergetasecondchancetomakeafirstimpression.”–WillRogers

CharlieDresowknewwhenheenteredthecourtroomthateveryeyeballwouldbetrainedonhim.

Itwasthefirstdayoftrialforhisclient,MaxWade.Achildofawell-to-dofamilywhowasraisedinaffluentMarinCountyoutsideSanFrancisco,Wadewasaccusedofacrimespreeofepicproportions,includingadaringheistofcelebritychefGuyFieri’syellowLamborghini,aswellasstealingpoliceuniformsandbadges,andattemptedmurder.

Thecartheftwasn’tjustanycartheft.ThiswastheMissionImpossibleofcarthefts.

TheFoodNetworkstar’sLambowasinforserviceatBritishMotorCars,aluxurycardealershipinSanFrancisco.Shortlypastmidnight,amandressedinallblackrappelleddownfromtheroofofthedealershipandintoawindow.Securitycamerafootageshowedthemanstalkingaroundthedealership,ninja-style,untilhedroveoffintheItaliansportscar.

Theattemptedmurderwasequallybrazen.Aman—alsodressedinblack—rodeupona

motorcycleandopenedfireonagirlandherboyfriendastheysatinatrucktalkinginbroaddaylight.

Andperhapsthecraziestpart?Wadewasunder18atthetimethecrimesoccurred.

ThesensationalnatureofthesecrimesmeanteverythingwouldberidingonDresow,andthatalleyeswouldbeonhimwhenheenteredthecourtroomthatday.

Dresowknewhecouldn’tlookunsureofhimselfashewalkedin.Youneedto“justwalkinlikeyouknowwhatyou’redoingevenifyoudon’t,”hesays.Mostimportantly,heneededtoprojectanairofauthority,conviction,andcertainty.“Youhavetohaveaplanandbeconfidentinwhatyouwanttodoanddoitthewayyouwanttodoit.”

Hehadtolook,inotherwords,likeaboss.

Onlyhehadtolooklikethegoodkindofboss—morelikeTomHanks’characterinSavingPrivateRyan,andlesslikeAlecBaldwin’scharacterinGlengarryGlenRoss.

Dresowknew,intuitively,theimportanceofmakingastrongfirstimpression.“Ifyoudon’ttakehowyouappearseriously,”hesays,“howcanyouexpectanyoneelsetotakeyouseriously?”

WhyHowYouEnteraRoomMatters

Evenifyouaren’tahigh-profiletrialattorneylikeCharlieDresow,youarebeingjudgedeverytimeyouenteraroom.

Imagine,forexample,you’vejustenteredaroomfullofpeopleyouwanttoimpress.Itcould

bearoomfulofyourpeers,orpotentialclients,orevenabarfilledwithattractivewomen.

You’refeelingprettygood—you’rewearinganewshirtandyou’vegotyourbestcologneonthatsmellslikeGeorgeClooneyinabottle.

Andthenoneofyourbuddiespullsyouasideandwhisperstoyouthatyourflyisopen.

Ouch.You’vejustexperiencedthebrutalrealityoffirstimpressions.Theycanbegood,andtheycanbereally,reallybad.

Buthere’sthething:leavingyourzipperopenisjustoneobviousexampleofwaysweallcanruinafirstimpression.Inreality,therearemanythingswealldo,unintentionally,whenweenteraroomorgatheringofnewpeoplethatequatestowalkingintoaroomwithourflyopen.

Inotherwords,we’rekillingourbestchancesatsuccesswithourownbadhabits,mistakes,orsimplyignorance.Thestakesherearehigh.Firstimpressionssetthetoneforentirerelationships,whetherit’sinterviewingforajob,meetingone’sfuturein-lawsforthefirsttime,introducingourselvestosomeoneweadmire,landinganewclient,orgettingagirl.

Buthere’sthegoodnews—itdoesn’thavetobethatway.Therearethingswecan—andshould—dotoputourbestfootforwardanytimeweenteraroom.

ArtofManlinesshaspreviouslycoveredhowtocommandaroomlikeaman.TodayI’mgoingtobackupabitandsharespecificstepsyoucantaketoenteranyroomprojectinganairofconfidence,self-assurance,andauthority,withoutcomingofflikeMichaelScottwalkingintoaDunderMifflinstaffmeeting.

BelowIshare9specific,easy-to-implementtipsculledfromexpertsinpsychology,socialdynamics,andnetworkingthatwillshowyouhowtoenteranyroomlikeaboss.

9TipsforProjectingConfidenceandAuthorityWhenYouEnterAnyRoom

Below,Ihaveincluded9easythingsyoucandotomakeyourentrancesconveyconfidenceandauthority.Ibrokethemdownintotwosteps—first,whatthingsyoushoulddotopreparetoenteraroom,andsecond,whatyoushoulddoasyouareactuallymakingyourgrandentrance.

HowtoPreparetoEnteraRoom

Beingabletoenteraroomwithconfidencebeginslongbeforeyouevercrossthethresholdofthedoor.Gettingintherightmindsetbeforeyougettoaneventwillprepareyoutoputyourbestfootforwardonceyougetthere.Here’show.

1.CreateaDressingRitual

Dresow,thecriminaldefenseattorney,suggestscreatinga“pregameritual”tosettleyourmindandmakesureyourclothingandappearanceareuptosnuff.HejokesthathelearnedalotfromreadingaboutNFLHallofFamerDeionSanders’pregameclothingritual.“Onthemorningofeverygamehewouldlayouthisuniformonthelockerroomfloorexactlyhowheintendedtowearit,withthepads,jersey,armbands,etcetera,alllaidoutonthefloor,”saysDresow.“Ongameday,hewouldputthepadsoninaspecificorderandthatwaspartofhowhe’dgetintohisgamemindset.”

Theroutinehadtwobenefits.First,itensuredSanders’equipmentwasallthereandreadytogo.Bylayingoutyourclothesthenightbeforeanintervieworanevent,youcanchecktoseeifyourclothesarecleanandyourdoghasn’tchewedupyouronlytie.Secondly,Sanderspregamehabitgavehimgreaterconfidencegoingintothehigh-stakesworldofaprofessionalfootballgame.Theritualsofgettingreadyforanimportantmeeting—shavingwithasafetyrazor,ironingyourclothes,shiningyourshoes,tyingyourtie—cansimilarlyworkwondersinsettlingyourmind.

Justdon’tdothehighstepasyou’releavingtheroom.

2.DoPowerPosesBeforeEnteringtheRoom

Youprobablyunderstandalreadythatpositioningourbodiesincertainwayscanconveynonverbalmessagesof“power.”

JustpictureMachoManRandySavagestruttingaroundtheringwithhischestpuffedout,oraKingsittingonaroyalthrone.(TheKingCharleskindofKing,nottheElvisPresleykind.)

Buthere’ssomethingyoumaynotknow:theactofpositioningourbodiesinpowerfulwaysnotonlymakesothersperceiveusasmorepowerful,itmakesusfeelmorepowerfulourselves.

HarvardpsychologistAmyCuddyhasfoundthatstandingtalldirectlyinfluencesourbiochemistry.“Inallanimalspecies,posturesthatareexpansive,open,andtakeupmorespaceareassociatedwithhighpoweranddominance,”shesays.Inaresearchstudysheconducted,whenparticipantswereaskedtostrikeoneofthese“powerposes,”theresultswereamazing:afterjusttwominutesinahighpowerpose,testosteroneroseandcortisol(anaturalhormonethatthebodyreleasesinresponsetostress)decreased.Bysimplystandinginamoredominantway,theirbodies’physiologychangedtothatofadominantperson.

Whatdoesthismeanforyou?Ifyoucan,beforeyouenteraroomtaketwominutestoputyourselfinapowerpose,withyourarmsandlegsstretchedoutasfarastheycango.Thiswillspikeyourtestosteroneanddropyourcortisol,makingyoufeelcalm,confident,andself-assured.

Unlessyouwanttogetsomeseriouslyfunnylooks,you’rebetterofftakingthisroutinesomewhereprivate.Forexample,youcouldduckintoabathroomstallbeforeenteringaroom.Stretchyourarmsandlegsout,likeyou’reinthemidstofajumpingjack.Youwillbepleasantlysurprisedbythefeelingofgreaterpowerthisonesmallroutinewillgiveyou.

3.ResetYourEmotionalStatetoMinimizeorMitigateNervousness

Ifyou’renervousaboutenteringaroomoranewsituation,thebestthingyoucandoistooccupyyourmindwithsomethingthatprovidesanemotionaldistraction,withoutsidetrackingyourproblem-solvingorlogicalbrainfunctionality.

JordanHarbinger,arelationshipcoachandfounderoftheArtofCharmpodcast,recallsusingthisapproachwhenhewasonthewaytomeethisgirlfriend’sparentsforthefirsttime.Hecalledupagoodfriendwho“startedtellingmeafunnystoryonacompletelyunrelatedtopicsoIdidn’thavetimetogetnervousonthecarridetotheirhouse.Iwasemotionallydistracted.”

Asidefromphoningafriendwithagoodsenseofhumor,youcanalso“singinthecar,playagamethatdoesn’trequiretoomuchthinking,orelevateyourheartrate”byexercising,saysHarbinger.Goingforarunorworkingoutcanhelpifyoudoitafewhoursearlier,leavingenoughtimeforashower,ofcourse.AsHarbingerdulynotes,“Youdon’twanttorunintoajobinterviewallsweaty.”

4.KnowBeforeYouGo

Tomakesureyouarefullyprepared,makesureyouknowallofthedetailsabouttheevent—starttime,exactlocation,dresscode,directionstogetthere,etc.

Inotherwords,don’tshowupunprepared,writesHowtoWorkaRoomauthorSusanRoAne.“Whethertheeventisatradeshow,cocktailparty,apoliticalfundraiser,adinnermeeting,aconference,orareunion,beprepared.”Speedwalkingintoaninterviewlateandflusteredbecauseyoucouldn’tfindanywheretopark,orsaunteringintoapartyinat-shirtonlytofindeveryoneelseinsuitswillsquashyourconfidenceandgetthewholeproceedingsofftoaverybadstart—tothepointwhereyoumayfinditdifficulttorecoverandgetbackinthegame.

ArtofManliness’ownresidentstyleexpert,AntonioCenteno,didanexhaustivejobofcataloguingwhatyoushoulddotomakesureyouareawareofallthedetailsbeforehand—includingparkingoptions,dresscode,etc.—in“HowtoNetwork&SocializeEffectively.”

HowtoEnteraRoom

Onceyouhavepreppedyourselfforyourbigarrival,thenit’stimetomakeyouractualentrance.Followthesefiveadditionaltipsasyouwalkintheroom.

1.HaveaFirmSenseofPurpose

Whenyouenteraroom,youshouldhaveaclearsenseofpurpose.Donothesitateasyoucrossthethreshold.Enteringwithasenseofpurposewill“notonly[makeyou]appeartobeintheknow,[but]youwillhaveanopportunitytosurveytheroom,”writesLeannaCruz.

Dresow,theattorney,echoesthissentiment.“Bepolite,butifyouhaveagoal,don’tgetsidetracked,”hesays.Inotherwords,walkwithcertaintyandconviction.“Gotowhereyouwanttobeanddon’tletanythinginterferewithyou.”

Ifyoudon’tknowanyoneintheroomyouareabouttoenter,anddon’thaveacleargoalorendpoint,youhaveacoupleofoptions:

Ifitisasocialevent,youcoulddoresearchaheadoftimetofindoutifthere’sanyonewhowillbetherewhoyouwanttomeet,asAntonioexplainsinhisguidetonetworking.Anotheroptionistoactasifyouareahostoftheeventyourself,greetingotherswarmly.Youwillfindthatotherattendeeswillappreciateyourgreeting,evenifyouarenottheactualhost.Ifyouaretooshyforthatapproach,trytheoldstandby—entertheroomandmakeeyecontactandsmileuntilyoufindsomeonetotalkto.“Engagingineyecontact,beinginthemoment,andhavingasmilearecriticalinbuildingrapport,”writesRoAne.

2.BeOnYourGamefromtheMomentYouArrive

Manypeoplemistakenlybelievefirstimpressionsaremadelaterthantheyactuallyare.

Peoplewillenteraroomandbesendingnonverbalmessagesinthewaytheybehave,thinkingthefirstimpressiontheymakewillcomelater,whentheybeginaconversationwithapersonintheroom.

That’sfarfromthetruth.“Peoplearenotalwaysawaretheyarecommunicatingnonverbally,”writesJoeNavarro,aformerFBIagent,inWhatEveryBODYisSaying:AnEx-FBIAgent’sGuidetoSpeed-ReadingPeople.Infact,evenifnowordsarebeingsaid,yourbodylanguagemightberevealingyour“truethoughts,feelings,andintentions,”whileyou’renotawareyouaredoingit,writesNavarro.

Firstimpressionscome“assoonasyouareablipontheradarofotherpeople,”saysHarbinger.“Thekeyistobeauthenticandputyourbestfootforwardatalltimes.Youhavetobeauthentictoeveryoneintheroom,notjustwhoyouwanttotalkto.”

Inasocialsetting,peoplemayformafirstimpressionofapersonbyobservingothers’reactions.Inotherwords,“GroupBmaylookoveratGroupAandseeweirdlookscomingtheirwaysayingyouarebadnews,”saysHarbinger.“It’sanevolveddefensemechanism.”

Onceyoubecomeawarethatothersareformingafirstimpressionofyouthemomenttheybecomeawareofyou—andNOTwhenyoufirstbeginaconversation—thenyouaremorelikelytoavoidanybehaviorsthatreflectnegativelyonyou.

3.EnterwithaSmile

Oneofthemostimportantnonverbalsignalspeopleusetosizeyouupandfigureoutyourintentisyourfacialexpression.“Inanysituationwhereyouwanttobeperceivedaswarmandapproachable,thebestthingyoucandoissmile,”saysCharlieHoupert,awriterandcharismacoachbasedinRiodeJaniero.

Thisdoesn’tmeanyouneedtohaveahugegrinonyourfacethewholetime.Butitdoesmeanthatyoushouldhaveatleastaslightsmileonyourfacetoencouragepeopletointeractwithyou.“Whenyouwatchthemostcharismaticmeninteract,theyoftenspeakthroughasmile,”saysHoupert.“The‘eyesmile’musclesareactivatedthroughentireinteractions.”

Thistipreallyresonateswithme,asoneofthefirstthingsthatattractedmetomywifewashersmile.Whenwefirstmet,shewasanewemployeeatmywork,hunchedoveraphotocopiershewasstrugglingtogettofunction.Yetsheflashedmeasmilethatradiatedagreatersenseofconfidenceandsignificancethanthecopierseemedwillingtoconcede.

Shehatedthejobandquittwoweekslater,butthesmilehadalreadygottenmehooked.

4.StraightenYourPostureasYouEnter

Similartoyourattire,yourposturewillinfluenceperceptionsandfirstimpressions.“Themostcommonmistakemenmakeishunchedshoulders,”saysHoupert.“Eighthoursinfrontofa

computertendstodothat.”

Toappearconfident,straightenup.Houpertrecommendstestingyourposturebyholdingtwopencilsinyourfistsandlettingyourarmsrelaxatyoursides.“Withthehunchedposturemostofusdevelop,thosepencilswillprobablyturninward,”hesays.“Thisisbad.”Tocorrectyourposture,pullbackbetweenyourshoulderbladesandopenyourchestuntilthepencilseachpointstraightahead,Houpertadvises.Liftyourchinslightlyforafinaltouchasyouwalkintotheroom.

5.GesticulateasYouSpeak

Houpertsayspeopletendtobeanxiouswhenenteringaroomfullofnewpeople,andwhenthathappens,wetendtoshrink.“Wehunchandifwegesticulateatall,itoccursinsideofalittleboxinfrontofourchest,”hesays.“Thislimitedexpressioncreatesafeedbackloopthatkeepsusshyanduncomfortable.”

Instead,trytospreadyourbodyout.Use“expansivegesticulations,usingthewholelengthofyourarms,notjustfromtheelbowsdown,”saysHoupert.“Takingtwosecondstostretchyourarmstowardseitherwallisoftenenough.Itremindsyoutogesticulatewithyourfullrangeandmakesyouamuchmoredynamicpresence.”

Keepingyourarmsfreetogesticulate,ratherthaninyourpockets,willevenhelpyoucutdownonhowoftenyousay“ummmm”asyoutalk—aspeechfillerthatcanmakeyouseemunsureofyourself.

Justrememberwithallthistokeepyourgesticulationsnatural—youdon’twanttoappearlikeanoctopushavingaseizure.

Whetheryou’reaHallofFamefootballplayeroracriminaldefenseattorneyenteringacourtroom,usingthesestrategieswillensureyourentrancesareopportunitiesratherthanmissteps.“It’sabouthavingagamedayritual.Haveaprocesswhereyou’resheddingyourcasualskinandgetyourgamefaceon,”saysDresow.“Drawconfidencethatyourappearanceistheabsolutebestandconvinceyourselfbeforeyouenteraroomthatyouarethemostpersuasive,mostwellspoken,andyouaregoingtoaccomplishyourgoal,whateverthatmaybe.”

Andnow,ifyou’llexcuseme,Ihavetogotothebathroom.Ihavesomepowerposestodo.

_______________________________________

JohnCorcoranisanattorneyandformerClintonWhiteHouseWriter.Whenhe’snotinabathroomstalldoingpowerposes,hewritesaboutbusinessrelationshipsandsocialskills.Hehasafree,52+pageguidewhichyoucandownload,calledHowtoIncreaseYourIncomein14DaysbyBuildingRelationshipswithInfluencers,EvenifYouHateNetworking.

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