How to Not Send REALLY CRAPPY COLD EMAILS - …info.engagio.com/rs/356-AXE-401/images/How To Not Send...How to Not Send REALLY CRAPPY COLD EMAILS Introduction In the age of sales acceleration

How to Not Send

REALLY CRAPPY COLD EMAILS

http://www.engagio.com/

http://www.saleshacker.com/

Introduction

In the age of sales acceleration and sales automation, it can be easy to want to cut corners and scale at all costs. But what good is speed without quality, or efficiency without effectiveness. If you can send 100 emails to make one connection in the same time it takes me to send one email and make one connection, who really wins? Companies should 100% invest in sales technology, but they must also invest in hiring, onboarding, and training their teams to connect with human beings in a way that will get results. There’s always going to be a fine balance between quality and quantity.

The modern sales mantra:

It’s all about the right person, at the right time, with the right message.

The Purpose

The purpose of this eBook is rooted in giving you a better understanding of how to connect with prospects on a human level over email. We’ve taken real cold emails from real reps to and asked some of the best practitioners to critique them, all in the name of help you become more effective. The book wraps up with actionable and functional best practices. Like all good advice, the tips are given in the context of actual emails sent to real executives.

Our Judges

Blake Harber Director of Sales Development, LucidChartsPast: Director of Sales Development, HireVue

Richard Harris Founder & Owner, The Harris Consulting GroupPast: Director of Sales Operations and Sales Development, Mashery

Nicolette MullenixDirector of Sales Development, DynamicSignalPast: Director of Sales Development, ToutApp

Phill Keene Director of Sales, OctivSales Development Manager, Social Reactor

Jake Dunlap CEO, SkaledPast: VP of Sales, Glassdoor

Steven Broudy Head of Sales Development Americas, MulesoftHead of Business Development, Evolv

Liz Cain VP Go-to-Market, Openview PartnersPast: WW Head of Sales Development, Netsuite

Josh Hill Sr. Manager of Demand Generation, RingCentralSr. Manager of Global Marketing Automation, Kaspersky Labs

Trish Bertuzzi President & Chief Strategist, The Bridge GroupAuthor, The Sales Development Playbook

Heather Morgan CEO, SalesFolkPast: Lorem Ipsum Dolor

David DulanyFounder & CEO, TenboundPast: Director of Sales Development, Infer

Ralph Barsi Sr. Director Sales Development, ServiceNowPast: VP of Field Sales, Achievers

Ray CarrollVP of Sales, EngagioPast: VP of Sales, Marketo

Disclaimer

This eBook is a fun exercise to take entertaining-ly crappy emails and critique what’s so wrong with them. A lot of these emails are bad because the person rushed or failed to personalize them. Shame on them. However, we’re not here to make fun of or humiliate anyone, so all names, emails, and companies have been redacted.

These are all 100% real and undoctored emails sent directly to us from English speaking salespeople in the USA.

CRAPPY EMAIL

COLD EMAIL

CRITIQUES

Crappy Email 1Expert Critique

From: .com>Subject: Engagio

Hi Jon,

is a multinational Tier 1 Internet service provider consistently ranked as one of the top five networks in the world. Our primary service offering consists of Internet access, data transport, collocation, and managed modern services- all offered over our award winning fiber optic, IP data-only network. http://www.

Please advise if you anticipate any projects in the next 6-12 months related to the following offerings:

- Dedicated Internet Access/DIA circuits on all Fiber-based Optical Ethernet connectivity (100 Mbps Fast Ethernet DIA – 10/10 GigE ports)- Layer 2 Point-to-Point connections and VPLS Private Networking (fully meshed or hub-and-spoke design)- Colocation (>50 Cogent owned and operated Data Centers)- Dedicated Bandwidth (100meg – 10 GigE ports) in 600+ Carrier Neutral Data Centers globally

Do you have time this week for a quick chat? Please call me at when you have a moment to discuss.

Best,

| National Account Manager

office: email:

| www.

David DulanyFounder & CEO, Tenbound

This email is a classic shot in the dark. It shows no personalization or attempt to appeal to specific business issues. The first question I would ask is, does the recipient have anything to do with the vendor's product? Are they the target persona? If not, don't ruin your reputation with an email like this.

#1st Paragraph is all about themselves, not about prospect. Your prospect rarely cares about you, your company, or what ranking you are. They only care if you can help them solve their problem as it relates to their role/company. Signature is much too big especially for mobile.

Richard HarrisFounder & Owner, The Harris Consulting Group

When crafting emails, think in terms of texts or tweets.

Write short sentences and paragraphs. Whenever you include a URL, shorten it using TinyURL or bit.ly. You can also remove the "http://www" and just hyperlink the address. For example, if the URL is "http://www.link.com," hyperlink "link.com" with the full URL. Avoid yes/no questions. They can paint you into a corner. "Do you have time to chat?" No. Now what?

Ralph Barsi Sr. Director Sales Development, ServiceNow

The subject line is lame and generic.

The intro is very self-focused, and jam-packed with jargon and dull features. The email itself is too long and

has bullets, which never perform well in cold emails.Heather Morgan

CEO, SalesFolk

Every good emails first sentence or second says "why me" to the receiver. Why should I as the opener give a shit and why did you send to me specifically? This could copy and paste to a million people.

Jake DunlapCEO, Skaled

Be specific in your call to action. “Do you have 10 minutes on Friday?"

Blake Harber Director of Sales Development, LucidCharts

There are 2 separate calls to action here (1. Advise on future projects and 2. a quick call). Avoid the yes/no and be more clear in your ask - why would your contact care to get on the phone with you?

Liz CainVP Go-to-Market, Openview Partners

Context: This is an Account Manager to a CEO. They have never spoken before.

http://www.engagio.com


Crappy Email

Expert Critique

From: .net>To: JonSubject: Austin

Hi Jon,

I am following up with people that attended the event in Austin earlier this month. I went on the Engagio website and noticed you are using Marketo for your marketing automation solution. Marketo has been trending up stream to the enterprise level competing with Eloqua, and we have found that younger, smaller companies have struggled because it is not easy to use and lack of customer support.

I am asking for 20 minutes of your time on Friday to show you the platform to discover if it would be a better solution for Engagio.

To your success,

| Sales Development Representative

Email:

Join the social conversation:

2#The clear lack of quality research is painful. Five minutes exploring the Engagio Executive Team would lead an SDR to surface the fact that the founder came from Marketo, as did their VP of Sales and a number of other members of their team. This kind of "faux" research comes across as extremely disingenuous.

Steven BroudyHead of Sales Development Americas, Mulesoft

Be relevant by focusing on the pains you solve. If you have use cases and case studies that match this individual, mention those when appropriate.


Your email must talk about me and no one else, unless I might know specific people or companies you mention. Otherwise, talk about me, my company, my customers, my marketplace, and more about me. The third sentence is comprised of 35 words. That's enough words for an entire email. Busy executives can't even give colleagues 20 minutes of time, let alone you. Add value and time will appear.


Signing this as "to your success" on the sig when you are clearly trying to swap them off something is a little bush league.

Ray CarrollVP of Sales, Engagio

Generally, it's a bad idea to knock competitors and other firms. Some people think creating FUD (Fear, Uncertainty, Doubt) works (and sometimes it does), but to do so in a poor way is a good path to the trash bin.

Josh HillSr. Manager of Demand Generation, RingCentral

It's really generic and doesn't focus on a clear enough benefit or pain point, and so it's confusing what the company wants or what the point of this call would actually be.

Heather MorganCEO, SalesFolk

I can't actually tell what this person is selling from the email. Assuming you are trying to replace Marketo, why bring up another competitor like Eloqua?


This email talks about another company entirely rather. Your emails should tell a story about your customers and how people in my position from those companies benefit from your solution.

Nicolette MullenixDirector of Sales Development, DynamicSignal

Context: This is a Sales Development Rep to a CEO. They have never spoken before. The CEO being contacted is also

the co-founder and a former executive of Marketo.



Crappy Email

Expert Critique

From: com>To: jmillerSubject: Engagio <> Intro

Hi Jon, I came across Engagio while doing some research and thought I'd reach out regarding your Accounts Receivable structure.

So you have context, is a plug-and-play platform that will automate Engagio's billing/invoicing workflow. drastically reduces time spent on managing your billing.

Are you the right person for this? If so, let's set up a quick chat to learn a bit more about each other.

Cheers,

Director of Sales

3#The title "Director of Sales" implies that you understand how to prospect. Therefore, represent the title well. Don't "come across" people and their businesses, as if you weren't looking for them, but, "Hey, there they are!" Asking Jon at the end of the email if he's the right person is YOUR responsibility, not his. Do a quick search on LinkedIn.


This subject line is lame and boring, and this tactic has been used to death.

No one cares that you "did research," and just saying that is not nearly the same as demonstrating it. The email is feature-focused rather than benefit driven, making it especially boring and weak. This email is like a Frankenstein of cheap and lazy email tactics.


The opening line is weak and comes off as a bulk email. What research were you doing? What made you reach out to me?


If someone writes "plug and play" in an email to me it's automate delete - too cliché.


It’s a very sensitive issue for a firm. Most firms use Quicken or other tools and it's pretty presumptuous to approach in this way.


Are you really interested in learning more about each other? I’m never a big fan of the “cover up”. Call it how it is. Be specific as to what you really want.


Jon has nothing to do with this function, unless maybe he's CEO of a two-person company. With a little more digging, the sender could have found that right person, who may be open to the message.


Context: This is a Director to a CEO. They have never spoken before.



Crappy Email

Expert Critique

Dear Head of Business Development at engagio.com,

I thought you might like to know some reasons why you are not getting enough Social Media and Organic search engine traffic for engagio.com.

1. Your website engagio.com is not ranking top in Google organic searches for many competitive keyword phrases.2. Your company is not doing well in most of the Social Media Websites. 3. Your site is not found in major local listing.

There are many additional improvements that could be made to your website, and if you woulds like to learn about them, and are curious to know what our working together would involve, then I would be glad to provide you with a detailed analysis in the form of a WEBSITE AUDIT REPORT for FREE.

Our clients consistently tell us that their customers find them because thet are at the top of the Google search rankings. Being at the top left of Google (#1- #3 organic posotions) is the best thing you can do for your company's website traffic and online reputation. You will be happy to know that, my team is willing to guarantee you 1st page Google ranking for most of your targeted keyword phrases in our six month ongoing campaign.

Sound interesting? Feel free to email us or alternatively you can provide me with your phone number and the best time to call you.

Best Regards,

Marketing Consultant

PS1: This is onetime email and you may ask us to "REMOVE" you from our mailing list.PS2: I found your site from online advertising but did not click.PS3: I will be happy to send you links to price list.

This message is for the designated recipient only and may contain privileged, proprietary, or otherwise confidential information. If you have received it in error, please notify the sender immediately and delete the original. Any other use of the e-mail by you is prohibited. Thank you in advance for your coooperation. In case you don't like to receive any further email please respond to this mail mentioning "Unsubscribe"

4#I call this the "show up and throw up." The idea to be specific and short is right, but you try to solve too many problems in a single email. This could actually be 3-4 different emails to the same person.


Ugh, this email looks like a bad ad for an info product from the 90's. The sender mistakenly assumes that lists, bold font, and caps will make up for a lack of a cohesive and compelling message. It feels sketchy and is hard to read.


The word "guarantee" brings to mind the negative connotations of sales - understand the problem before you guarantee a solution.


No one says "dear" anymore this isn't a letter to your grandmama - terrible on so many fronts I don't know where to start.


How do they know I am doing well or not? This is the classic stay-at-home mom spam engine that people get hooked into and then claim they make "thousands" a month from sending fake emails to people like us.


I would never read this email simply because it’s way too long and the bold all caps screams spam to me.


A prospect that doesn't address me by my name immediately shows me that they don't understand me or my pains. They could say one line about the website that they noticed and say "I have some ideas for improving your website and increase web conversions. We helped (insert company) increase (stat) in (timeframe)." Wait for the sales reps to sell the solution and use outbound outreach to drive initial interest.


Context: This is a Marketing Consultant and was sent to the CEO even though it generically says Head of Business Development.

They have never spoken before.



Crappy Email

Expert Critique

From: com>Sent: August 11, 2016 at 11:48:14 AM EDTTo: Brad Bailey < >Subject: Lead Generator for CRM

Brad,

I always wanted to visit San Francisco Bay Area. Do you recommend me any special places to visit?

We have been helping thousands of lead generator professionals in USA. I saw we have a common connections on LinkedIn and I believe you don't know the secret.

Few months ago we launched , a tool that helps lead generators to scrape LinkedIn, find corporate emails even if you're not connected and send drip campaigns. This will help your customers to generate more leads.

What tools are you using now?

, CEO

Logo

Slogan

Emails from a CEO to a CEO should be strong and confident. This is most definitely a non-English Speaking sales rep hitting up a CEO in a bulk campaign. Someone should be proofreading.


Appreciate the attempt to build rapport in the beginning, but it's in the wrong place. That would need to go in the end and I don't think you've earned the right to ask what his favorite place is.


My day's moving 1000 mph.

I'm in between meetings, walking from one conference room to the next - or worse, I'm hustling from one gate to the next to catch my connection flight.

There's a few minutes, however, to scroll through new emails on my phone. Let's read the subject lines and see what's come in...

"This is your boss. Call me." For sure.

"They loved the proposal." Sweet!

"Your flight is on time." Hallelujah!

"Lead Generator for CRM." (Record scratch) Huh? Delete.

Subject lines are your gatekeepers. Invest time and energy in crafting them.Ralph Barsi

Sr. Director Sales Development, ServiceNow

Phrases such as "professionals in USA," and "do you recommend me any special places" show an obvious lack of detail when it comes to grammar.

The email also has zero personalization beyond the recipient's first name.Heather Morgan

CEO, SalesFolk

Context: This is a CEO to an Account Executive. They have never spoken before.

5#



Crappy Email

Expert Critique

From: .net> UnsubscribeSent: Aug 11To: JonSubject: Hi Charlie - question?

Hi Charlie,

Given your role at Engagio, I thought you might be the best person to contact about your customer reviews strategy and how can help.

Do you have 15 minutes for a quick intro call this afternoon? Let me know what works for you!

And if you're not the right person, can you please point me in the right direction?

Thanks!

PS: First time hearing about Here's my elevator pitch:

• the fastest-growing customer review destination in the US, featuring 20 million reviews of more than 130,000 businesses.

• We empower the best businesses to differentiate themselves from their competition by collecting and leveraging transparent customer reviews.

• In 2015 we closed million in Series funding and our investors have backed other world-class tech companies including Dropbox, Etsy, Facebook, Slack, and Spotify.

• was born in Copenhagen, Denmark and now has six offices worldwide, including NYC and Denver.

Account ExecutiveEmail:Phone:Web:

©2016. All rights reserved.

Privacy Policy | Unsubscribe |

#6"Given your role" does not equal personalization. It's a total cop-out. Why should I spend fifteen minutes with you? What pain of mine are you addressing. PS: I don't care about what your boiler pitch is.

Steven BroudyHead of Sales Development Americas, Mulesoft

I don't understand why the elevator pitch is last. I probably didn't make it that far because I wouldn't just accept this offer to chat. If I were really keen, I would have researched providers and reached out.


Everyone is the “fastest growing” whatever in their industry. This doesn’t matter to prospects, nor do they care about your recent funding or investors. What you are really trying to say is, “We are a legit company that is trusted by many." Prove it by telling me exactly how you helped someone just like me. Bonus points if it was someone in my network.


I like that it's very short and to the point. Perhaps if Charlie is in fact the right guy for something like that, it could be a good time. But I'm pretty sure Charlie doesn't have time that day, or immediately for a call. Give him a calendy link or some possible times. Or maybe don't make a call your CTA, just try to drive them to a landing page or video to learn more.


Way too long of a PS at the bottom -> the PS is longer than the body.


Context: This is an Account Executive to a Marketing Executive. They have never spoken before.



Crappy Email

Expert Critique

From: < .com>Sent: Aug 10To: JonSubject: Engagio email deliverability

Hi Charlie,

Have you seen the latest 2016 Email Deliverability Benchmark Report from Return Path? Unfortunately, the fight for inbox placement continues - Return Path is reporting only 73% of valid marketing emails reach U.S. inboxes, 6% go to junk, and 22% of emails go "missing."

Not all ESPs require proper authentication for their senders, or offer tools like pre-send Spam Filter Checks to make sure their users' emails are reaching the inbox. These are just a few of the features that emfluence offers to every user in our Digital Marketing Platform.

I can recommend a few resources to check and see if your inbox placement is at that 73% or below mark, let me know if I can send some your way!

email marketing | social media marketing | landing pages | surveys | blog

Kansas City, MO 64105

Click here to manage your communications preferences.

| Platform Solutions Specialist, Photo

7#While I may be interested in this report, I am probably not interested in discussing it yet. Most firms do monitor delivery rates and inbox rates to some degree. The sender doesn't know anything about my setup, although they actually could do so with a quick dig into DNS settings and mxtoolbox.


This almost seems like a prospecting email with a call to action to send information - if you're going to do a human email - I'd have more of an ask than that.


Beneath the signature, the writer says they specialize in "email marketing." This email better be good!

The stats are helpful and informative. Perhaps the writer could highlight the problem, mention personal insights about the reader, and then ask "if it makes sense to meet."

The signature block is gargantuan and is a huge turn off, especially for someone who specializes in email marketing.


Love the use of 3rd party stats and we have seen this as an extremely effective strategy. Unfortunately, with no customization as to why Engagio, comes off spammy.


Love the stats and 3rd party validation to highlight an industry-wide issue - lead with it. You can link to the asset without a question (or offer it as a follow up/hook).

There is nothing wrong with the second paragraph, but it does not add value to this email. Remove it and use in another touch point.

Lose the signature block. It's huge and likely to be caught in a spam filter. If it does make it through, the left and center justification makes it look like a mass marketing email.


Context: This is an Account Executive to a Marketing Executive. They have never spoken before.



Crappy Email

Expert Critique

From: < .co>To: Jon

Hi Jon,

could you satisfy my curiosity and describe in a few words what your current outbound looks like @ Engagio?

Unless you close all the deals - it can be improved!

... with the help of - take a look at clear infographic on how it works.

Sounds interesting? Let's schedule a demo - does Wednesday, May the 11th work for you?

Best,

P.S. Take a look on how we managed to help our latest customer -> case study here

P.P.S If you don't want to hear from me any more, just response with 'stop'

CPO & Founder @ Photo

8#First sentence is bad. If I satisfied everyone's curiosity that sent me an email the palm of my hand would need to be a computer.


Try to avoid vague statements. If I have to think to hard about how I would respond, I won’t respond.

Poor grammar in emails does not help establish rapport with prospects. Be sure to read all your messages twice before shooting it off.


Capitalization, grammar and fluidity are lacking here. It's difficult to take this company seriously if there are notable grammar errors and it lacks attention to detail. Also, this email doesn't tell us how they can help the prospect or what they do. Make it easy on the prospect and don't lean on links to provide value for you. Use it to support the compelling case you've written in one or two powerful sentences.


Another poorly worded, poor grammar email. Delete. Surprisingly, they do one thing right by asking for a specific date for a meeting. But why would anyone want a demo from this person? Demo of what?


Instead of replying 'stop,' I'd create a rule that forwards this guy's emails right to my deleted items folder. The grammar, sentence structure, punctuation, and message are a mess. Why would Jon stop what he's doing and start writing-out how his team approaches outbound?


Strange because outbound doesn't necessarily correlate with closing deals, more like opening new opportunities. And why would Jon be concerned with "satisfying your curiosity," that's just a silly thing to say.


Context: This is a C-level exec to a CEO. They have never spoken before. English may not be their first language.



Crappy Email

Expert Critique

From:Sent: Fri, Sep 2, 2016 at 1:13 PMTo: Subject: Closing your account

Hi Ray,

I'm going to hold off on emailing you and close your account in order to focus my time on other customers. I hope you found some use in the content we've sent your way.

You´re most likely thinking that your current sales pipeline conversions are "good enough" and are reasonably happy with your current growth rates. Before trialing a lot of our customers thought along the same lines until they hit one of the following roadblocks:

• Revenue growth started to stagnate or decline once the "low hanging" leads were converted.• They wanted to grow the sales team, but were concerned with how they support them with enough leads.• New competitors in their space made it more difficult to maintain conversion into those markets. • They wanted to identify new verticals markets and drive rapid expansion into those markets.• Their current lead gen methods began delivering diminishing returns or cost restraints made them

look for a more efficient alternative.

After adopting , our customers consistently see a 200%-300% improvement in their sales and marketing conversions with a 15%-25% reduction in sales cycles!

If you ever find yourself running into any of the above issues or just find yourself curious as to what it is we can do for you, feel free to contact me or visit our website to learn more.

All the best,

9You are emailing me so you're not holding off, you are still there; it's passive aggressive and I never requested any information from you - you haven't earned the right to use that tone.


First sentence is way too aggressive. Prospects don't owe you anything. Don't try to make them feel guilty for no being interested right now. After establishing those bad feelings, I wouldn't be interested in reading about how awesome your company is.


Tone is underrated in email. The tone in this email comes off as cocky.

"I'm going to hold off on emailing you more value." "Your account is getting closed so we can focus our attention on other customers." "You're likely thinking your pipeline conversions are good enough." Hey, sit on it, Chachi.

Mind the tone of your emails. "Speak" to people when you write. Respect their time and space, as you'd expect them to respect yours.

Avoid making assumptions - "you're likely thinking" or likely "reasonably happy" is condescending.

Remember, YOU are the low-status person in this scenario, not them.

You are the one who wants their time, wants a meeting, wants to sell something, wants to make quota.

Try writing "no need to respond - thought these benefits might appeal to you." Go the non-invasive route and see how it's received.

Finally, don't make your reader work. "If you find yourself curious as to what we can do for you, contact us to learn more." No. How about you describe specifically how you'll help me.


Context: This is a Sales Development Rep to the VP of Sales. There was never any account to close.

#



Crappy Email

Expert Critique

From:Sent: Fri, Sep 2, 2016 at 10:23 AMTo: Ray CarrollSubject: personalized proposals

Hey Ray

I know you're really busy, so I thought I´d share a recorded overview video of

You can access the video HERE.

On average companies leveraging our platform have seen upwards of 83% increase in win rates. Would you be interested in setting up a brief call to discuss your current process and determine if can help you and your team?

To make scheduling easier, you can book me directly HERE.

Best,

10#Lazy; "HERE" was a 2000s call to action.


This person hasn't "earned the right" for the prospect to click on these video links. Instead, highlight one or two quotes from the video that would be compelling to that specific buyer. Then if they click on that link you can reference those data points or others in your future outreach (calls, voicemails, email follow-ups).


This email is too pushy and feels desperate. There's not enough context to make their stat seem credible or compelling.


The use of links could make it go to spam. Perhaps follow up with a link if the person replies. Also, why not lead with the value statement instead of reminding Ray how busy he is. Ray probably already knows that.


I know you are really busy so I want you to invest time in watching this video because I am too lazy to establish any value or personalize this in any way. PLEASE... do my job for me. BTW... nothing on the face of the planet increases win rates by 83%, so someone is smoking something over there.

Trish BertuzziPresident & Chief Strategist, The Bridge Group

Context: This is an Account Executive to the VP of Sales. They have never spoken before.



Crappy Email

Expert Critique

From: < .com>Sent: Aug 15To: Jon

Charlie,

Hope this note finds you well. Read that Engagio just raised 22 Million this last round, looks like a lot of exciting things are happening over there. I'm reaching out because I understand you handle the marketing side of things at Engagio. Wanted to get an idea of the tools you use to gather real-time insights and data to drive data-driven decisions to better understand your market and customers.

I've had a lot of experience in this space as we've partnered with Novell, eHarmony, kronos, and AVG. Together, we are retrieving actionable data which allows them to earn unwavering customer loyalty and grow new accounts. I recommend we connect for 10 minutes to explore the value we can add to your organization.

When would be a good time to connect this week?

--

Market and Consumer Insights

direct support

From: < .com>Sent: 1 hour agoTo: Jon

Did you get my email Charlie?

11#Raising funding is a "played out" play - it no longer works (like the hippopotamus email). When we raised money I got 100 emails, so even if the note is good the fact you are only reaching out because we raised money makes me think you don't care about me.


This one starts strong by referencing a real occurrence and then fails to tell me exactly what this firm does. Real-Time insights could be helpful, if I knew what type of insights...It's also really rude of senders to assume I have time THIS WEEK. I never, ever schedule a cold intro THIS WEEK. And if I had bothered to look up the firm, the fact that he followed up with "Did you receive my email" automatically disqualifies him as a source of real-time insights. He should know emails are fully tracked and provide "real-time insights."


Don’t just throw a few words in an email so it will come to the top of your prospects inbox. Most likely they did receive your email and they didn’t respond because it wasn’t relevant. Try different messaging or diving into other value you may provide.


Just four days after the initial email, the writer asks if Charlie received it. OF COURSE Charlie got the email. Here are a few reasons Charlie didn't respond:

• The initial email was sent in mid-August. Maybe Charlie was on vacation.• The email was too long to get through.• Charlie's got pressing priorities that dwarf talking to a vendor that wants to sell him something.• Charlie was busy clicking on all the social media icons in the signature block, reading up on the company

that wrote to him.Ralph Barsi

Sr. Director Sales Development, ServiceNow

Hope this note finds you well is a throw away line. The writer wasted valuable space if that was being read on a mobile device. Just get to the point. The rest of the paragraph is good but sloppily written.

What do any of the companies he mentioned have in common with Engagio...close to nothing other than they are also businesses. Big logos are good, but relevant companies are better.

Bonus: Follow-Up EmailsTrish BertuzziGM, BridgeGroup

Context: This is a Sales Development Rep to a Marketing Executive. They have never spoken before.



COLD FOLLOW-UP

CRITIQUES

Crappy Email

Expert Critique

From:Sent: September-03-15 9:05 AMTo: Ralph BarsiSubject: Re: Tech Data, MongoDB and Outbrain adopt

Ralph - Hope you're well. Just wanted to bubble this back up...

Would you have 15 minutes next week for a quick call?

Best,

Nick

New York, NY 10011

12

Context: This is a Director of Sales Development to a Sr. Director of Sales Development at a much larger company.


This type of email is a hotly debated topic. Remember to always provide value. Prospects are busy and an email needs to convey what's in it for them and inspire curiosity. You can create a similar length email but reference one data point that's compelling to the prospect. (ex., We just brought on a customer who is saving 6 hours/week after implementing our solution)


Another vague and worthless follow-up email that adds zero value. I wonder how many seconds before the recipient marks this as spam!


Again, anything with weird font or old school advertising is suspect. It doesn't take much effort to make your emails look up to 2016 standards.


Follow-up emails need more context. When your prospects receive 100+ emails a day they are not going to remember the random sales person who emailed them one time. Remind them briefly WHY they should connect for 15 minutes.


Pretty much an empty email but hey, Nick got to tick an activity completed box in his CRM. Good job Nick!


#



Crappy Email

Expert Critique

Subject: Followup

Hi Ralph,

I am writing to follow up on my email. I didn't hear back from you. If it makes sense to talk, let me know how your calendar looks.

If not, who would be the appropriate person for me to speak to?

Thanks for your help,

Eric

_____________

Executive Business Development

p:e:

Wierd Advertisement

3#

Context: This is a Sales Development Rep to a Sr. Director of Sales Development at a much larger company.


This email doesn't provide any value. We don't know what their company does or what they're asking for.

The subject line is vague.

"I'm writing to follow-up on my email." This doesn't make sense. Something to keep in mind when writing emails is the subject line and the first 10 words can be previewed on a phone or inbox. If those two aren't compelling the email will get deleted.


Don’t get in the habit of just sending some words in an email to a prospect so they will see your email. This often happens because we don’t know what other value we can provide prospects. Do everything you can to find what is important to your prospect & show them that you found those things. This shows a prospects that you understand them & their situations


If I haven't responded once, I'm not going to send you to someone else. You can't have two call to actions...Can I talk to you or someone else? Pick one and maybe you'll get a response


It's so vague that there's nothing more to say.


No effort on the Subject Line. Just because it’s a follow-up doesn’t mean the subject line isn’t still incredibly important. Nothing like the guilt technique. I didn't hear back from you...poor you.


1



Summary of The Top 10 Tip for Writing Outreach Emails

Spend the time to get Subject Lines right. They’re your first impression and teaser for your email.6.Emails should be in black text and a sans serif

font. Anything else is distracting and potentially unprofessional.1.

Keep it simple, and don’t use large words, industry jargon, buzzwords, or acronyms others might not know.10.Don’t bash competitors. It’s extremely off-putting. 5.

Proofread your emails, or have a colleague help. If you sell to native English speakers and English is not your first language, it’s your responsibility to make sure the email makes sense and contains no spelling, punctuation, or grammar mistakes.

9.Avoid yes/no questions. They can paint you into a corner. "Do you have time to chat?" No. Now what? 4.

Always have a definitive call to action. Provide a few time options to speak. Use a Calendly link or any other tool that allows them to choose times.7.Never include large graphics or signature blocks, as

they could be picked up in spam filters. 2.Write as if it’s being read on a mobile device. Use white space and new paragraphs more than you were taught in English class.8.Whenever you include a URL, shorten it using

TinyURL or bit.ly. 3.



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