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HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE INFLUENCE PEOPLE By: By: DALE CARNEGIE DALE CARNEGIE Prepared by: Prepared by: RINKAL RINKAL SHUKLA SHUKLA

How to win Friends & Influence people

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Page 1: How to win Friends & Influence people

HOW TO WIN FRIENDS HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLEAND INFLUENCE PEOPLE

By: By: DALE CARNEGIEDALE CARNEGIE

Prepared by: Prepared by: RINKAL SHUKLARINKAL SHUKLA

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Overview of PresentationOverview of Presentation

• Background InformationBackground Information

• Parts I-IV of the bookParts I-IV of the book

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Background InformationBackground Information

• November 24, 1888 - November 1, 1955November 24, 1888 - November 1, 1955

• Born poor then became a teacherBorn poor then became a teacher

• Moved to salesMoved to sales

• Wrote How to Win…& 6 moreWrote How to Win…& 6 more

• Began D.C. coursesBegan D.C. courses

• Died of Hodgkin’s DiseaseDied of Hodgkin’s Disease

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Overview of How to Win…Overview of How to Win…

• First modern self-help bookFirst modern self-help book

• It provides advice on:It provides advice on:

-dealing with others-dealing with others

-gaining influence-gaining influence

-becoming successful-becoming successful

-motivating others-motivating others

Requires sincerityRequires sincerity

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Eight Things This Book Will Help Eight Things This Book Will Help YOU AchieveYOU Achieve

1.1. Get out of a mental rut, think new thoughts, acquire new Get out of a mental rut, think new thoughts, acquire new visions, discover new ambitions.visions, discover new ambitions.

2. Make friends quickly and easily. 2. Make friends quickly and easily.

3. Increase your popularity.3. Increase your popularity.

4.4. Win people to your way of thinking.Win people to your way of thinking.

5. Increase your influence, your prestige, your ability to get 5. Increase your influence, your prestige, your ability to get things done. things done.

6. Handle complaints, avoid arguments, keep your human 6. Handle complaints, avoid arguments, keep your human contacts smooth and pleasant. contacts smooth and pleasant.

7. Become a better speaker, a more entertaining 7. Become a better speaker, a more entertaining conversationalist.conversationalist.

8. Arouse enthusiasm among your associates.8. Arouse enthusiasm among your associates.

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Suggestion on How to Get the Suggestion on How to Get the Most Out of This BookMost Out of This Book

• A deep, driving desire to learn, a vigorous determination A deep, driving desire to learn, a vigorous determination to increase your ability to deal with people.to increase your ability to deal with people.

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Part I: Fundamental TechniquesPart I: Fundamental Techniques

• ““If you want to gather honey don’t kick over If you want to gather honey don’t kick over the beehive.”the beehive.”

Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain - and Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain - and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be under-standing and forgiving.under-standing and forgiving.

Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person's Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person's precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment.arouses resentment.

When dealing with people, let us remember we are When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.and motivated by pride and vanity.

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Instead of condemning people, let's try to understand them. Let's try to figure out why they do what they do. That's a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness. "To know all is to forgive all.”

As Dr. Johnson said: "God himself, sir, does not propose to judge man until the end of his days. "Why should you and I?

• Principle 1 - Don't criticize, condemn or complain.

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2 - The Big Secret Of Dealing With People2 - The Big Secret Of Dealing With People

• There is nothing else that so kills the ambitions of a person as There is nothing else that so kills the ambitions of a person as criticisms from superiors.criticisms from superiors.

• If some people are so hungry for a feeling of importance that If some people are so hungry for a feeling of importance that they actually go insane to get it, imagine what miracle you and they actually go insane to get it, imagine what miracle you and I can achieve by giving people honest appreciation this side of I can achieve by giving people honest appreciation this side of insanity.insanity.

• The difference between appreciation and flattery? That is The difference between appreciation and flattery? That is simple. One is sincere and the other insincere. One comes from simple. One is sincere and the other insincere. One comes from the heart out; the other from the teeth out. One is unselfish; the the heart out; the other from the teeth out. One is unselfish; the other selfish. One is universally admired; the other universally other selfish. One is universally admired; the other universally condemned.condemned.

• • Principle 2 Give honest and sincere Principle 2 Give honest and sincere appreciation.appreciation.

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• 3 - "He Who Can Do This Has The Whole World With 3 - "He Who Can Do This Has The Whole World With Him. He Who Cannot Walks A Lonely Way”Him. He Who Cannot Walks A Lonely Way”

• Before you speak, pause and ask yourself: "How can I make Before you speak, pause and ask yourself: "How can I make this person want to do it?”this person want to do it?”

• This question will stop you from rushing into a situation This question will stop you from rushing into a situation heedlessly, with futile chatter about your desires.heedlessly, with futile chatter about your desires.

• "If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to "If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person's point of view and see things from that get the other person's point of view and see things from that person's angle as well as from your own." That is so simple, person's angle as well as from your own." That is so simple, so obvious, that anyone ought to see the truth of it at a so obvious, that anyone ought to see the truth of it at a glance; yet 90 percent of the people on this earth ignore it glance; yet 90 percent of the people on this earth ignore it 90 percent of the time.90 percent of the time.

• • Principle 3 - Arouse in the other person an Principle 3 - Arouse in the other person an eager want.eager want.

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Tasks to do from Part I:Tasks to do from Part I:

Don't criticize, condemn or complain. Don't criticize, condemn or complain.

-Instead try positive reinforcement-Instead try positive reinforcement

Give others honest & sincere appreciationGive others honest & sincere appreciation

-Feeling of Importance-Feeling of Importance

Arouse in others an eager wantArouse in others an eager want

-People are interested in their own wants-People are interested in their own wants

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Part II: 6 Ways to make People like Part II: 6 Ways to make People like youyou

1 - Do This And You'll Be Welcome Anywhere.1 - Do This And You'll Be Welcome Anywhere.

• Did you ever stop to think that a dog is the only animal Did you ever stop to think that a dog is the only animal that doesn't have to work for a living? A hen has to lay that doesn't have to work for a living? A hen has to lay eggs, a cow has to give milk, and a canary has to sing. eggs, a cow has to give milk, and a canary has to sing. But a dog makes his living by giving you nothing but love.But a dog makes his living by giving you nothing but love.

• one can win the attention and time and cooperation of one can win the attention and time and cooperation of even the most sought-after people by becoming even the most sought-after people by becoming genuinely interested in them.genuinely interested in them.

• If you want others to like you, if you want to develop real If you want others to like you, if you want to develop real friendships, if you want to help others at the same time friendships, if you want to help others at the same time as you help yourself, keep this principle in mind. as you help yourself, keep this principle in mind.

• • Principle 1 Become genuinely interested in Principle 1 Become genuinely interested in other people.other people.

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• 2 - A Simple Way To Make A Good First 2 - A Simple Way To Make A Good First ImpressionImpression

• Actions speak louder than words, and a smile says, "I like Actions speak louder than words, and a smile says, "I like you, You make me happy. I am glad to see you." That is you, You make me happy. I am glad to see you." That is why dogs make such a hit. They are so glad to see us that why dogs make such a hit. They are so glad to see us that they almost jump out of their skins. So, naturally, we are they almost jump out of their skins. So, naturally, we are glad to see them.glad to see them.

• The effect of a smile is powerful.The effect of a smile is powerful.

• Don't feel like smiling? Then what? Two things. First, force Don't feel like smiling? Then what? Two things. First, force yourself to smile. If you are alone, force yourself to whistle yourself to smile. If you are alone, force yourself to whistle or hum a tune or sing. Act as if you were already happy, or hum a tune or sing. Act as if you were already happy, and that will tend to make you happy.and that will tend to make you happy.

• The Value Of A Smile At Christmas It costs nothing, but The Value Of A Smile At Christmas It costs nothing, but creates much.creates much.

• "There is nothing either good or bad," said Shakespeare, "There is nothing either good or bad," said Shakespeare, "but thinking makes it so.""but thinking makes it so."

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• Every body in the world is seeking happiness - and Every body in the world is seeking happiness - and there is one sure way to find it. That is by controlling there is one sure way to find it. That is by controlling your thoughts. Happiness doesn't depend on outward your thoughts. Happiness doesn't depend on outward conditions. It depends on inner conditions.conditions. It depends on inner conditions.

• • • Principle 2 - Smile.Principle 2 - Smile.

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• 3 - If You Don't Do This, You Are Headed For Trouble3 - If You Don't Do This, You Are Headed For Trouble

• Most people don't remember names, for the simple reason Most people don't remember names, for the simple reason that they don't take the time and energy necessary to that they don't take the time and energy necessary to concentrate and repeat and fix names indelibly in their minds. concentrate and repeat and fix names indelibly in their minds. They make excuses for themselves; they are too busy.They make excuses for themselves; they are too busy.

• The importance of remembering and using names is not just The importance of remembering and using names is not just the prerogative of kings and corporate executives. It works for the prerogative of kings and corporate executives. It works for all of us.all of us.

• Principle 3 - Remember that a person's name is Principle 3 - Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.important sound in any language.

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• 4 - An Easy Way To Become A Good 4 - An Easy Way To Become A Good ConversationalistConversationalist

• If you want to know how to make people shun you and laugh If you want to know how to make people shun you and laugh at you behind your back and even despise you, here is the at you behind your back and even despise you, here is the recipe: Never listen to anyone for long. Talk incessantly about recipe: Never listen to anyone for long. Talk incessantly about yourself. If you have an idea while the other person is talking, yourself. If you have an idea while the other person is talking, don't wait for him or her to finish: bust right in and interrupt don't wait for him or her to finish: bust right in and interrupt in the middle of a sentence.in the middle of a sentence.

• So if you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be an So if you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener. To be interesting, be interested. Ask attentive listener. To be interesting, be interested. Ask questions that other persons will enjoy answering. Encourage questions that other persons will enjoy answering. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments.them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments.

•Principle 4 - Be a good listener. Principle 4 - Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about Encourage others to talk about themselves.themselves.

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• 5 - How To Interest People5 - How To Interest People

There is only one wayThere is only one way

• • Principle 5 - Talk in terms of the other Principle 5 - Talk in terms of the other person's interests.person's interests.

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• 6 - How To Make People Like You Instantly6 - How To Make People Like You Instantly

• You want the approval of those with whom you come in You want the approval of those with whom you come in contact. You want recognition of your true worth. You contact. You want recognition of your true worth. You want a feeling that you are important in your little want a feeling that you are important in your little world. You don't want to listen to cheap, insincere world. You don't want to listen to cheap, insincere flattery, but you do crave sincere appreciation. You want flattery, but you do crave sincere appreciation. You want your friends and associates to be, "hearty in their your friends and associates to be, "hearty in their approbation and lavish in their praise." All of us want approbation and lavish in their praise." All of us want that. So let's obey the Golden Rule, and give unto that. So let's obey the Golden Rule, and give unto others what we would have others give unto us, How? others what we would have others give unto us, How? When? Where? The answer is: All the time, everywhere.When? Where? The answer is: All the time, everywhere.

• Little phrases such as "I'm sorry to trouble you," "Would Little phrases such as "I'm sorry to trouble you," "Would you be so kind as to ----? " "Won't you please?" " Would you be so kind as to ----? " "Won't you please?" " Would you mind?" "Thank you" - little courtesies like these oil you mind?" "Thank you" - little courtesies like these oil the cogs of the monotonous grind of everyday life- and, the cogs of the monotonous grind of everyday life- and, incidentally, they are the hallmark of good breeding.incidentally, they are the hallmark of good breeding.

• Principle 6 - Make the other person feel Principle 6 - Make the other person feel important-and do it sincerely.important-and do it sincerely.

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Tasks to do from Part IITasks to do from Part II• Become genuinely interested in other people.Become genuinely interested in other people.

-people are interested in themselves.-people are interested in themselves.

-listen-listen

-remember key facts-remember key facts

• SmileSmile

-enthusiasm when greeting-enthusiasm when greeting

-smile when on the phone-smile when on the phone

• Remember namesRemember names

-favorite word-favorite word

-use with a few personal details-use with a few personal details

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• Be a good listenerBe a good listener

-different from active listening-different from active listening

-ask more questions-ask more questions

-listen to complaints to ease tensions-listen to complaints to ease tensions

• Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.

-find out about their interests-find out about their interests

-ask ? about their interests-ask ? about their interests

• Make the other person feel important & Make the other person feel important & appreciatedappreciated

-recognize tangible contributions-recognize tangible contributions

-avoid flattery-avoid flattery

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Part III: How to win people toPart III: How to win people toyour your way way of thinkingof thinking

• 1 You Can't Win An Argument1 You Can't Win An Argument

• You can't because if you lose it, you lose it; and if you win it, You can't because if you lose it, you lose it; and if you win it, you lose it. Why? Well, suppose you triumph over the other you lose it. Why? Well, suppose you triumph over the other man and shoot his argument full of holes and prove that he is man and shoot his argument full of holes and prove that he is non compos mentis. Then what? You will feel fine. But what non compos mentis. Then what? You will feel fine. But what about him? You have made him feel inferior. You have hurt his about him? You have made him feel inferior. You have hurt his pride. He will resent your triumph. And –pride. He will resent your triumph. And –

• If you argue and rankle and contradict, you may achieve a If you argue and rankle and contradict, you may achieve a victory sometimes; but it will be an empty victory because you victory sometimes; but it will be an empty victory because you will never get your opponent's good will.will never get your opponent's good will.

• So figure it out for yourself. Which would you rather have, an So figure it out for yourself. Which would you rather have, an academic, theatrical victory or a person's good will? You can academic, theatrical victory or a person's good will? You can seldom have both.seldom have both.

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• 2 - A Sure Way Of Making Enemies -And How To 2 - A Sure Way Of Making Enemies -And How To Avoid ItAvoid It

• Never begin by announcing "I am going to prove so-and-Never begin by announcing "I am going to prove so-and-so to you." That's bad. That's tantamount to saying: "I'm so to you." That's bad. That's tantamount to saying: "I'm smarter than you are, I'm going to tell you a thing or two smarter than you are, I'm going to tell you a thing or two and make you change your mind.”and make you change your mind.”

• That is a challenge. It arouses opposition and makes the That is a challenge. It arouses opposition and makes the listener want to battle with you before you even start. In listener want to battle with you before you even start. In other words, don't argue with your customer or your other words, don't argue with your customer or your spouse or your adversary. Don't tell them they are wrong, spouse or your adversary. Don't tell them they are wrong, don't get them stirred up. Use a little diplomacy.don't get them stirred up. Use a little diplomacy.

• Principle 2 - Show respect for the other Principle 2 - Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, "You're person's opinions. Never say, "You're wrong."wrong."

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• 3 - If You're Wrong, Admit It3 - If You're Wrong, Admit It

• When we are right, let's try to win people gently and When we are right, let's try to win people gently and tactfully to our way of thinking, and when we are wrong - tactfully to our way of thinking, and when we are wrong - and that will be surprisingly often, if we are honest with and that will be surprisingly often, if we are honest with ourselves - let's admit our mistakes quickly and with ourselves - let's admit our mistakes quickly and with enthusiasm. Not only will that technique produce enthusiasm. Not only will that technique produce astonishing results; but, believe it or not, it is a lot more astonishing results; but, believe it or not, it is a lot more fun, under the circumstances, than trying to defend oneself. fun, under the circumstances, than trying to defend oneself.

• Remember the old proverb: "By fighting you never get Remember the old proverb: "By fighting you never get enough, but by yielding you get more than you expected.”enough, but by yielding you get more than you expected.”

• Principle 3 - If you are wrong, admit it quickly Principle 3 - If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.and emphatically.

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• 4 - A Drop Of Honey4 - A Drop Of Honey

• • Principle 4 - Begin in a friendly way.Principle 4 - Begin in a friendly way.

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• 5 - The Secret Of Socrates5 - The Secret Of Socrates

• In talking with people, don't begin by discussing the In talking with people, don't begin by discussing the things on which you differ. Begin by emphasizing - and things on which you differ. Begin by emphasizing - and keep on emphasizing - the things on which you agree. keep on emphasizing - the things on which you agree. Keep emphasizing, if possible, that you are both striving Keep emphasizing, if possible, that you are both striving for the same end and that your only difference is one of for the same end and that your only difference is one of method and not of purpose.method and not of purpose.

• • Principle 5 - Get the other person saying Principle 5 - Get the other person saying "yes, yes" immediately."yes, yes" immediately.

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• 6 - The Safety Valve In Handling Complaints6 - The Safety Valve In Handling Complaints

• Must people trying to win others to their way of thinking do Must people trying to win others to their way of thinking do too much talking themselves. Let the other people talk too much talking themselves. Let the other people talk themselves out. They know more about their business and themselves out. They know more about their business and problems than you do. So ask them questions. Let them tell problems than you do. So ask them questions. Let them tell you a few things. If you disagree with them you may be you a few things. If you disagree with them you may be tempted to interrupt. But don't. It is dangerous. They won't tempted to interrupt. But don't. It is dangerous. They won't pay attention to you while they still have a lot of ideas of pay attention to you while they still have a lot of ideas of their own crying for expression. So listen patiently and with their own crying for expression. So listen patiently and with an open mind. Be sincere about it. Encourage them to an open mind. Be sincere about it. Encourage them to express their ideas fully.express their ideas fully.

• • Principle 6 Let the other person do a great Principle 6 Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.deal of the talking.

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• 7 - How To Get Cooperation7 - How To Get Cooperation

• The reason why rivers and seas receive the homage of a The reason why rivers and seas receive the homage of a hundred mountain streams is that they keep below them. hundred mountain streams is that they keep below them. Thus they are able to reign over all the mountain Thus they are able to reign over all the mountain streams. So the sage, wishing to be above men, putted streams. So the sage, wishing to be above men, putted himself below them; wishing to be before them, he putted himself below them; wishing to be before them, he putted himself behind them. Thus, though his place be above himself behind them. Thus, though his place be above men, they do not feel his weight; though his place be men, they do not feel his weight; though his place be before them, they do not count it an injury.”before them, they do not count it an injury.”

• Principle 7 - Let the other person feel that Principle 7 - Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.the idea is his or hers.

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• 8 - A Formula That Will Work Wonders For You8 - A Formula That Will Work Wonders For You

• There is a reason why the other man thinks and acts as There is a reason why the other man thinks and acts as he does. Ferret out that reason - and you have the key to he does. Ferret out that reason - and you have the key to his actions, perhaps to his personality. Try honestly to put his actions, perhaps to his personality. Try honestly to put yourself in his place. If you say to yourself, "How would I yourself in his place. If you say to yourself, "How would I feel, how would I react if I were in his shoes?" you will feel, how would I react if I were in his shoes?" you will save yourself time and irritation, for "by becoming save yourself time and irritation, for "by becoming interested in the cause, we are less likely to dislike the interested in the cause, we are less likely to dislike the effect." And, in addition, you will sharply increase your effect." And, in addition, you will sharply increase your skill in human relationships.skill in human relationships.

• an increased tendency to think always in terms of the an increased tendency to think always in terms of the other person's point of view, and see things from that other person's point of view, and see things from that person's angle as well as your own - if you get only that person's angle as well as your own - if you get only that one thing from this book, it may easily prove to be one of one thing from this book, it may easily prove to be one of the stepping - stones of your career.the stepping - stones of your career.

• Principle 8 - Try honestly to see things Principle 8 - Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.from the other person's point of view.

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• 9 - What Everybody Wants9 - What Everybody Wants

• Wouldn't you like to have a magic phrase that would Wouldn't you like to have a magic phrase that would stop arguments, eliminate ill feeling, create good will, stop arguments, eliminate ill feeling, create good will, and make the other person listen attentively?and make the other person listen attentively?

• Three-fourths of the people you will ever meet are Three-fourths of the people you will ever meet are hungering and thirsting for sympathy. Give it to them, hungering and thirsting for sympathy. Give it to them, and they will love you.and they will love you.

• So, if you want to win people to your way of thinking, So, if you want to win people to your way of thinking, put in practiceput in practice

• Principle 9 - Be sympathetic with the other Principle 9 - Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.person's ideas and desires.

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• 10 - An Appeal That Everybody Likes10 - An Appeal That Everybody Likes

• • • Principle 10 - Appeal to the nobler motives.Principle 10 - Appeal to the nobler motives.

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• 11 - The Movies Do It. TV Does It. Why Don't You 11 - The Movies Do It. TV Does It. Why Don't You Do It?Do It?

• • Principle 11 - Dramatize your ideas.Principle 11 - Dramatize your ideas.

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• 12 - When Nothing Else Works, Try This12 - When Nothing Else Works, Try This

• every successful person loves: the game. The chance for self-every successful person loves: the game. The chance for self-expression. The chance to prove his or her worth, to excel, to expression. The chance to prove his or her worth, to excel, to win. That is what makes foot-races and hog-calling and pie-win. That is what makes foot-races and hog-calling and pie-eating contests. The desire to excel. The desire for a feeling eating contests. The desire to excel. The desire for a feeling of importance.• Principle 12 - Throw down a challenge.of importance.• Principle 12 - Throw down a challenge.

• • Principle 12 - Throw down a challenge.Principle 12 - Throw down a challenge.

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Tasks to do from Part IIITasks to do from Part III

• Begin in a friendly wayBegin in a friendly way

-start the conversation with -start the conversation with sinceresincere praise. praise.

-A pleasant tone of voice can make a big difference!-A pleasant tone of voice can make a big difference!

• Try to honestly see things from the other Try to honestly see things from the other person’s point of viewperson’s point of view

-Ask yourself, why would he/she want to do what I ask?-Ask yourself, why would he/she want to do what I ask?

-Where do our opinions on the topic differ?-Where do our opinions on the topic differ?

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• Get the other person to say “yes, yes” Get the other person to say “yes, yes” ASAPASAP

-Environment saturated with info.-Environment saturated with info.

-Emphasize what both parties agree on-Emphasize what both parties agree on

-momentum of the conversation -momentum of the conversation

• Appeal to nobler motivesAppeal to nobler motives

-People take actions…-People take actions…

-one or more-one or more

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Part IV: How to change people… Part IV: How to change people…

• 1 - If You Must Find Fault, This Is The Way To Begin1 - If You Must Find Fault, This Is The Way To Begin

• Beginning with praise is like the dentist who begins his work Beginning with praise is like the dentist who begins his work with Novocain. The patient still gets a drilling, but the with Novocain. The patient still gets a drilling, but the Novocain is pain- killing. A leader will use …Novocain is pain- killing. A leader will use …

• Principle 1 - Begin with praise and honest Principle 1 - Begin with praise and honest appreciation.appreciation.

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• 2 - How To Criticize-And Not Be Hated For It2 - How To Criticize-And Not Be Hated For It

• Simply changing one three-letter word can often spell the Simply changing one three-letter word can often spell the difference between failure and success in changing people difference between failure and success in changing people without giving offense or arousing resentment. Many people without giving offense or arousing resentment. Many people begin their criticism with sincere praise followed by the word begin their criticism with sincere praise followed by the word "but" and ending with a critical statement. For example, in "but" and ending with a critical statement. For example, in trying to change a child's careless attitude toward studies, trying to change a child's careless attitude toward studies, we might say, "We're really proud of you, Johnnie, for raising we might say, "We're really proud of you, Johnnie, for raising your grades this term. But if you had worked harder on your your grades this term. But if you had worked harder on your algebra, the results would have been better."algebra, the results would have been better."

• An effective way to correct others' mistakes is ... An effective way to correct others' mistakes is ...

• Principle 2 - Call attention to people's Principle 2 - Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.mistakes indirectly.

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• 3 - Talk About Your Own Mistakes First3 - Talk About Your Own Mistakes First

• It isn't nearly so difficult to listen to a recital of your It isn't nearly so difficult to listen to a recital of your faults if the person criticizing begins by humbly faults if the person criticizing begins by humbly admitting that he, too, is far from impeccable.admitting that he, too, is far from impeccable.

• A good leader follows this principle:A good leader follows this principle:

• Principle 3 - Talk about your own mistakes Principle 3 - Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.before criticizing the other person.

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• 4 - No One Likes To Take Orders4 - No One Likes To Take Orders

• An effective leader will use ... An effective leader will use ...

• Principle 4 - Ask questions instead of Principle 4 - Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.giving direct orders.

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• 5 - Let The Other Person Save Face5 - Let The Other Person Save Face

• Even if we are right and the other person is definitely wrong, Even if we are right and the other person is definitely wrong, we only destroy ego by causing someone to lose face. The we only destroy ego by causing someone to lose face. The legendary French aviation pioneer and author Antoine de legendary French aviation pioneer and author Antoine de Saint-Exupиry wrote: "I have no right to say or do anything Saint-Exupиry wrote: "I have no right to say or do anything that diminishes a man in his own eyes. What matters is not that diminishes a man in his own eyes. What matters is not what I think of him, but what he thinks of himself. Hurting a what I think of him, but what he thinks of himself. Hurting a man in his dignity is a crime." A real leader will always man in his dignity is a crime." A real leader will always follow ... follow ...

• Principle 5 - Let the other person save face.Principle 5 - Let the other person save face.

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• 6 - How To Spur People On To Success6 - How To Spur People On To Success

• Look back at my own life and see where a few words of Look back at my own life and see where a few words of praise have sharply changed your entire future. History is praise have sharply changed your entire future. History is replete with striking illustrations of the sheer witchery raise.replete with striking illustrations of the sheer witchery raise.

• Remember, we all crave appreciation and recognition, and Remember, we all crave appreciation and recognition, and will do almost anything to get it. But nobody wants will do almost anything to get it. But nobody wants insincerity. Nobody wants flattery :Compared with what we insincerity. Nobody wants flattery :Compared with what we ought to be, we are only half awake. We are making use of ought to be, we are only half awake. We are making use of only a small part of our physical and mental resources. only a small part of our physical and mental resources. Stating the thing broadly, the human individual thus lives far Stating the thing broadly, the human individual thus lives far within his limits. Abilities wither under criticism; they within his limits. Abilities wither under criticism; they blossom under encouragement. To become a more effective blossom under encouragement. To become a more effective leader of people, apply ..leader of people, apply ..

.• Principle 6 - Praise the slightest .• Principle 6 - Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. improvement and praise every improvement. Be "hearty in your approbation and lavish in Be "hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise."~~~~~~~your praise."~~~~~~~

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• 7 - Give A Dog A Good Name7 - Give A Dog A Good Name

• If you want to excel in that difficult leadership role of If you want to excel in that difficult leadership role of changing the attitude or behavior of others, use …changing the attitude or behavior of others, use …

• Principle 7 - Give the other person a fine Principle 7 - Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.reputation to live up to.

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• 8 - Make The Fault Seem Easy To Correct8 - Make The Fault Seem Easy To Correct

• If you want to help others to improve, remember …If you want to help others to improve, remember …

• Principle 8 - Use encouragement. Make the Principle 8 - Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.fault seem easy to correct.

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• 9 - Making People Glad To Do What You Want9 - Making People Glad To Do What You Want

The effective leader should keep the following The effective leader should keep the following guidelines in mind when it is necessary to change guidelines in mind when it is necessary to change attitudes or behavior:attitudes or behavior:

1. 1. Be sincereBe sincere. Do not promise anything that you cannot . Do not promise anything that you cannot deliver. Forget about the benefits to yourself and deliver. Forget about the benefits to yourself and concentrate on the benefits to the other person. concentrate on the benefits to the other person.

2. 2. Know exactlyKnow exactly what it is you want the other person to what it is you want the other person to do.do.

33. Be empathetic. Be empathetic. Ask yourself what is it the other person . Ask yourself what is it the other person really wants. really wants.

4. 4. Consider the benefits Consider the benefits that person will receive from that person will receive from doing what you suggest. doing what you suggest.

55. Match those benefits . Match those benefits to the other person's wants.to the other person's wants.

6. When you make your request, put it in a form that will 6. When you make your request, put it in a form that will convey to the other person the idea that he personally will convey to the other person the idea that he personally will benefit. benefit.

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• It is naпve to believe you will always get a favorable It is naпve to believe you will always get a favorable reaction from other persons when you use these reaction from other persons when you use these approaches, but the experience of most people shows approaches, but the experience of most people shows that you are more likely to change attitudes this way than that you are more likely to change attitudes this way than by not using these principles - and if you increase your by not using these principles - and if you increase your successes by even a mere 10 percent, you have become successes by even a mere 10 percent, you have become 10 percent more effective as a leader than you were 10 percent more effective as a leader than you were before - and that is your benefit. People are more likely to before - and that is your benefit. People are more likely to do what you would like them to do when you use …do what you would like them to do when you use …

• Principle 9 - Make the other person happy Principle 9 - Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.about doing the thing you suggest.

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Tasks to do from Part IVTasks to do from Part IV

• Call attention to people’s mistakes Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectlyindirectly

-Harsh criticism can discourage others-Harsh criticism can discourage others

- Ask him/her to consider other points-of-view- Ask him/her to consider other points-of-view

• Ask questions instead of giving direct Ask questions instead of giving direct ordersorders

-Effect this has-Effect this has

- Would it make sense to call the client first? - Would it make sense to call the client first? What do you think?What do you think?

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• Let the other person save faceLet the other person save face

-Help others avoid embarrassment-Help others avoid embarrassment

-Effect embarrassment has-Effect embarrassment has

-If you must give criticism, do so in private!-If you must give criticism, do so in private!

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Use in NegotiationUse in Negotiation

• Carnegie, The only way to get the best of an Carnegie, The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid itargument is to avoid it

1. Welcome disagreements: 1. Welcome disagreements: Separate people from the Separate people from the problemproblem

2. Stay calm: 2. Stay calm: first recognize emotions ,theirs and yoursfirst recognize emotions ,theirs and yours

3. Listen first: 3. Listen first: Listen activelyListen actively

4. Identify areas of agreement: 4. Identify areas of agreement: look for areas of mutual look for areas of mutual gain.gain.

5. Admit your errors so they can do the same: 5. Admit your errors so they can do the same: Try to Try to avoid a contest of will.avoid a contest of will.

6. If no resolution, delay action, think more: 6. If no resolution, delay action, think more: one one problem is premature judgment.problem is premature judgment.

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My ThoughtsMy Thoughts

• AnecdotesAnecdotes

• Applicability to current issuesApplicability to current issues

• UpdatingUpdating

• Living by principles in bookLiving by principles in book

• My work experienceMy work experience

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Apply This AndApply This And

Congratulations to you for being Congratulations to you for being heart of everyoneheart of everyone