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I Just Want to Be Happy

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i just want to be happy

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    www.furries-happyclub.com

    All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other non-commercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests use contact information below.

    Written by Elba Hillcliff

    Illustrated by Berit Hatpiece

    Published 2012

    [email protected]

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    - 1

    Betty the Hippo slowly started to wake up from a lovely dream where she was enjoying herself in the Bahamas, basking in the sun and swimming with dolphins. By the time the alarm clock went off she was already up and on her way to the mud bath in the back of her garden. It was not the Bahamas but the sun was shining and she took great pleasure in the bath anyway. She lay there for a long time and it was only the thought of breakfast that finally got her up.

    She had six pieces of white straw toast with acacia honey and cocoa for breakfast and tried to ignore the voices in her head that talked about her waistline. The comics section in The New Pork Times made her giggle but the results from last nights mighty animal games was no happy reading. Bettys favorite, Bolt Lightning the Mountain Lion, had tripped on a porky pine in the wildebeest stampede and

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    injured his paw and to make things worse, the mouth-weightlifting contest was won by a crocodile. Betty hated crocodiles, although she tried to think of them as normal furry animals just like her.

    - 2

    Betty decided to take the Great Migration Highway to the south in order to get to work but that proved to be a big mistake. Apparently, the heavy traffic had provoked road rage in a skunk which caused everyone around to flee from the stench. The total chaos that emerged led to multiple collisions and nothing moved for ages. But Betty just leaned back in her car, tuned in on her favorite radio station and relaxed.

    By the time Betty finally got to work she was sure that nobody would be in The Waterhole where they usually lingered for a while before they got to work. She was a little disappointed that she would miss out on the discussions about whether to allow porky pines and hedgehogs in the stampede or not. But when she rounded the corner of the building she could hear excited chatter and grunts and as she came closer she could make out what they were saying. Apparently there was a rumor about a big announcement from the Alpha Management Group that would come later that day.

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    Betty just smiled, ordered a large latte with hazelnut syrup and joined her friends and colleagues. Rumors always grew into disasters that usually never came true and Betty was not the one to waste energy on worst case scenarios.

    - 3 -

    When Betty the Hippo had finished her coffee it was time to get to work. She went to the lab where she worked as a senior quality and assurance specialist and picked up a number of test tubes. It was Monday and that meant raw material quality assessment. On her way to the production

    Maybe they are going to outsource our work to a Zoo

    or to an animal farm.

    What if they close us down completely?! I have three litters to feed.

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    area where she was going to collect the samples, she stopped at her office and checked her e-mail. There was in fact an invitation to an information meeting later that day but Betty was not sure that she would be able to make it. It would be fun to play some corporate bullshit bingo though.

    Bullshit or Buzzword Bingo

    This is a game that is highly recommended for those experiencing severe meeting narcolepsy, or in layman words, falling asleep during big corporate meetings. By playing this game you can give upper management the impression that you are very alert and interested in what they are saying, thereby raising you own stock. All of this can be achieved without any excessive use of caffeine or any other drug.

    To play the game you need to create bingo coupons where the numbers are replaced with buzzwords or bullshit phrases that are likely to be used during the meeting. The best thing is to find a computer whiz, geek or nerd who can create a program that automatically creates such coupons. It is highly likely that they will do this for free because the idea of the game will appeal to them. Make sure to check the phrases ending up on the coupons first since bullshit is different for different people.

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    Distribute the coupons to other trusted participants in the meeting but be careful, there are more brown nosed double agents in the corporate world than there are feet on a millipede. To reduce your own risk of discovery and blame make sure to mask the information about who is behind the idea as much as possible. Using the computer whiz, geek or nerd with the program on his computer is a very good candidate for a scapegoat. Try to make him, her or it distribute the coupons by traceable e-mail.

    Before you can play you need to decide how someone can win the game. The cautious version is to meet after the meeting and determine the winner, for example by seeing who has the most number of full bingo rows. A more exciting version is to agree on one thing that the person with the first complete bingo row should do during the meeting. One popular thing is to stand up and ask the current speaker something in the middle of the meeting but that takes guts and a really strong will to win!

    The production area was located by the river at the other end of the ECOSHIT compound. It was here that the founder of the company, Gill Bates the Golden Eagle, had gotten the idea for the business so many years ago. One fine spring day she had been looking for a nice place by the river to have her lunch. But the ground was so covered with shit from all the animals that came there to drink that she could not sit down anywhere. Stubborn and driven as she

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    was she carefully placed her lunch on a fairly clean rock and started to clear out a patch on the ground where she could sit. She really loved the place and started to come back there now and then, each time clearing out a larger patch for her picnic. After a while she noticed that the vegetation around her spot had grown faster and become greener and juicier than that in the surrounding area.

    Gill was no stupid bird so she tried the shit as fertilizer in her own garden with the same amazing results. From there it all grew very fast ( grew... fast do you get it?). From the early days when she gathered the shit herself and sold it cheap at the farmers market to todays multimillion Chocolate Coins (CCs) business with many specialized products being shipped all over the world.

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    Chocolate Coins (CCs)

    Chocolate Coins (CCs) is the currency in Furryland. The coins are made out of actual chocolate and wrapped in golden foil. Each coin has a consumed after date, which tells the Furries when it is okay to eat the chocolate and still use the foil as money. So there is a lot of golden foil lying around, waiting to regain its original value.

    When a business receives a golden foil with no chocolate in it, it sends it back to the coin factory. There the foil is washed and reused as wrapping for new chocolate coins.

    There are different values stamped on the coins and these correspond to the type of chocolate the coin

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    contains. The value of the chocolate is related to its current market price which is determined on a monthly basis. To avoid too much speculation and trading with CCs there is also a used before date on the coins. If the coin is not used before that date it becomes almost worthless, accept for the small value of the foil itself.

    There are no notes in Furryland but there is a system with electronic bank money for larger sums. This system is highly regulated and seldom used. Many Furries still get their salary (daily) in CCs.

    There are rumors of a large chocolate reserve in the Federal Reserve but those are heavily disputed by the government.

    - 4

    Betty the Hippo slowed down as she approached the production area service center. She took careful steps along the side of the building until she could peek through a window. Satisfied with what she saw she continued silently towards the door and could hardly keep herself from giggling. Once at the door she gave it one big bang and then threw it open. The big bull who had been sitting leisurely at the computer flew up and then desperately tried to surf away from whatever not so very job related stuff he had been watching. He turned around with panic in his eyes but when he realized that it was just Betty, his entire face lit up by a big, broad smile.

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    You little... pig! was all that Kong the Bull could say before they both burst into laughter again.

    Betty and Kong had been working together for many years and shared a mutual respect for one another as professionals but that did not stop them from goofing around and pulling practical jokes on each other now and then. This one would certainly be a classic.

    The two friends started to make their tour around the production site and entered the first big enclosure where the grazers were kept. It did not take them long before they came upon one of the dung beetles who were busy rolling shit into nice round balls. This was the first step in the collection process. Later a group of chimpanzees

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    wearing yellow rubber gloves and orange rubber boots would come and gather all the dung beetle balls and load them onto big containers that were strapped to the back of two old rhinoceroses. The rhinos then transported the goods all the way to the processing plant.

    As Betty and Kong watched the dung beetle do its busy work they both marveled at the obvious quality of the shit it was rolling.

    This new stuff that weve been fertilizing the grass with in this enclosure sure makes them critters produce some fine stuff, Kong said with great pride. Betty kneeled down to a fresh pile, sniffed on it and then filled one of her test tubes with some of it before she carefully labeled the tube and filled out a sample form.

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    Yes, last week I could actually measure a statistically significant increase in the Z-pod value of 2.3% from this plot, she said before they both started to walk towards the next enclosure where the big meat eaters were kept. Betty had looked forward to this all morning because she knew that the two lions were expecting cubs and that the birth could happen anytime now. It would be the first successful breeding of big meat eaters at ECOSHIT and that was hard evidence of how well they had designed the biotope for the animals.

    - 5

    At three oclock the air was filled with nervous anticipation as the members of the Alpha Management Group entered the stage in the Yellowstone Hall. A slick green snake slithered up on the podium and started to put his well polished scales in order before ordering that the microphone should be turned on. Mr. Hemo Royd the Snake was head of Animal Relations and known to be a real pain in the ass.

    As you all know we have had a very successful year here at ECOSHIT. We have increased our growth and profitability in all lines of business and the overall net result of five quadrillion trillion CCs was 93.7% better than expected, Hemo hissed. He stopped for a while and smelled the air with his split tongue which made the audience hunch in their seats.

    But we live in a highly competitive world with increasing threats to our fine company from all directions, Hemo

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    continued. Betty and her colleagues looked bewildered at each other, not recognizing what he was talking about since ECOSHIT almost had the world monopoly on good quality shit. So much so that we in the Alpha Management Group have seen it as our responsibility and duty to act now when there is still time to avoid disaster. By now you could see an ocean of big staring eyes, gaping mouths and raised eyebrows in the hall, following every move that Hemo did.

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    But not much else of essence was said that afternoon. Mr. Hemo Royd got entangled in so much nonsense that even the most bullshit literate in the crowd got lost. At one time they even had to escort a big bear out because it kept falling asleep, snoring like a thunderstorm.

    - 6 -

    After work Betty met up as usual with her friend Curt the Fox at their favorite pub The Savannah Lodge. Curt worked as an engineer at ECOSHIT and had also attended the meeting that afternoon. But, clever as he was, he had not been able to make much more out of what had been said then Betty had. He sat there in the pub with a worried look on his face and talked and talked about what it all could mean. Normally Curt was a rather quiet Furry so Betty

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    almost started to worry herself. It was not until she got him his second Purple Cactus Sunrise and started to talk football that he finally relaxed. She even got him to play a game of lift the leeches (you do not want to know, trust me) and throw some wasp dart before they left for a good nights sleep.

    - 7 -

    The next morning Betty arrived early at work so she was one of the first to open the mail that would set the whole thing in motion.

    To: [email protected]

    From: [email protected]

    Subject: New Improved Organization

    Dear employees,

    As you all know the Alpha Management Group has undergone a Leadership Development program during the last couple of years. In this very successful work we have established a fruitful relationship with the Management Consultants in the FAD Group.

    Together we have performed a number of thorough analyses and come up with an entirely new management philosophy called Corporate Resource Allocation Planning.

    The first stage of the implementation of CRAP will be to completely reorganize the organization of our organization. In the attached file you will see an organizational diagram showing you precisely where you will be placed in the new organization

    (If you cannot find your employee number in the organizational diagram you can use the Find function or contact Mr. Hemo Royds office).

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    Betty started to skim the mail which went on and on

    We believe that this organization will further improve

    employer of choice

    effective, efficient and productive

    do it mentality

    best practice

    avoid Enron scandal,

    best case and balanced scorecard

    Finally there was some substance again.

    The new organization will be effective as of today. You will be contacted by your line manager in the near future to find out more.

    Finally our CEO Gill Bates sends her regards to you all from [Task: remember to get somebody to find out where the bloody bird is.] We are all so proud of her and support her in her decision to spend yet another year working as a volunteer for the WWF and other wildlife conservation organizations.

    Betty looked for the attached organizational diagram but it was not included in the mail. She smiled and thought that even managers or their assistant slaves forgot things. She

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    was just about to write a reply to ask for the attachment when the electronic sound of a moose calling filled the air. Ah, a new e-mail, Betty thought and opened the Inbox.

    - 8 -

    To: [email protected]

    From: [email protected]

    Subject:

    Attachment: Organizational Plan

    Betty clicked on the attached file in the otherwise empty mail and immediately got an error message.

    You are busted mister! a policemans voice said to the sound of sirens. I must change the error sound to something else, I am not a mister, Betty thought. She was known to customize her technical stuff almost beyond the point of ridicule (almost?). The error message on the computer screen read:

    File could not be opened. Please select a program to open the file.

    Betty right clicked on the file and she could see that the file extension was .zzs. What the heck kind of a file is that? she thought and started to Google the internet for answers. None of the suggested programs made any sense.

    Brauuul! Brauuul! Brauuul! the horny, I mean antlered, moose call sounded again.

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    To: [email protected]

    From: [email protected]

    Subject: Problems with attached file

    Dear employees,

    Unfortunately the attached organizational plan cannot be opened with any software currently installed on our corporate computers (standard package). Instead we send the organizational diagram as pdf-files.

    Betty sighed. How many files were there? One, two, three, , twelve! And the names AZx00004.pdf, ZSo99J.pdf, ... This is just ridiculous, she thought as she double clicked on the first one.

    Brauuul! Brauuul! Brauuul! New mail.

    To: [email protected]

    From: [email protected]

    Subject: More pdfs

    Dear employees,

    In all there are twenty different pdf files showing the new organizational diagram. A complete printout will be put together and displayed in the canteen at the end of the day or early tomorrow morning. Well, at the latest at the end of the week.

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    - 9 -

    The first pdf file that Betty opened appeared on the screen and she could start to study its content. The only recognizable thing was some of the names of the managers. After looking at the diagram for quite some time and opening up a few other files Betty started to understand at least some things.

    It seemed as if the different departments, sections and divisions were named using letters and numbers according to where in the diagram they were placed. For example, division A at the far left corner of the diagram contained the sections Aa, Ab and Ac and section Aa contained the departments Aa1, Aa2 and Aa3. In the same line of thinking the leaders had titles corresponding to the name of their units, such as Leader of Aa3. Well, this looks practical,

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    Betty thought ironically as she continued to search for her own bosss name or her own employee number.

    She finally found her number in a list of about twenty others belonging to the department Hdca4. The employee number was simply your initials followed by the number of employee you were in the history of ECOSHIT. In fact, Gill Bates herself was sometimes referred to as GB-1. That made sense but this department naming system Betty could not make out anything about how the work really would be organized. None of her current close colleagues seemed to be in the same department as her anymore and the manager, employee number MD-56669, a Mr. Dundee, who the heck was that?

    As Betty started to wiggle up from the floor she could sense a peculiar unpleasant smell that seemed familiar but that she could not quite place. She got up and turned to the door.

    Hello, I am Mr. Dundee. I am your new manager.

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    - 10 -

    Betty went into a state of mild shock. The smell increased dramatically and she could feel how her intestines prepared themselves for a major launch. Her tail started to wag from side to side and she was afraid that it was only a matter of seconds before it would get into full rotation. So, she did what any normal Hippo would do in a situation like that. She dove. Only there was no water. As she was lying flat on the floor she somehow managed to get some kind of grip of herself and say:

    Hi, I am Betty. I am a Hippo.

    Mr. Dundee looked a bit surprised to hear that but he said nothing of it. Instead he took a few confident steps towards Betty and tried to help her get back on her feet.

    How did it go? Are you alright? he asked as he tried to support the hippo who somehow managed to escape his helping limbs and tail.

    I am sorry Mr. Dundee. I just got a little bit startled Mr. Dundee. I am okay, really, Mr. Dundee! Betty took cover behind her office chair, holding it like a shield between the two of them. She motioned to the visitors chair.

    Please take a seat Mr. Dundee.

    Betty took a deep breath and tried to block the voices in her head that were commenting on the situation. Part of her wanted to get away and the other part was about to burst into laughter.

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    The crocodile smiled and went to sit down in the chair. He looked relaxed and totally at ease with what had been going on.

    Please, call me Muck. Betty just stared at him with her mouth wide open.

    Mr. Dundee the Crocodile sat down and started to present himself by telling her all about where he had been working the last couple of years. He sprinkled the story with impressive titles and references to several of the best universities in Furryland and abroad. A typical management careerist Betty thought but could not help being swept away by some of his words.

    - 11 -

    He said all the right things, said Betty and stretched out for another piece of pizza. She was sitting together with Curt the Fox in her living room, discussing everything that had happened that day.

    Of cause he did, commented Curt and cut a small piece from his Gourmet Fine Special with almost surgical precision. I bet that is all that he can do though. Say the right things I mean.

    Oh, dont be so pessimistic. I think he might be alright. He said that he didnt know much more about the organization than I did yet. He was just trying to localize all the people in his new group today.

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    Yeah, good luck with that! Curt shook his cute little head. Did he ask you anything about what you were working on or show any interest in any real practical things?

    No! Betty gave Curt a grim look knowing exactly what he was implying. But thats a bit too soon already dont you think? Curt just murmured something about crocodiles, shrugged his shoulders and took a small sip of his Furry Fizz from a crystal glass.

    Ive been placed in a department with one economy assistant, two PR persons and a cook and our manager is still to be appointed. Its all a total chaos.

    Yeah. At least I have a manager. He did say that he was all for flexible working hours and that he always listened to the employees with the longest annuity. For a crocodile he almost seemed nice.

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    Betty continued to try to be positive but she could hear herself how unsure she sounded.

    Let us talk about something more uplifting instead. How far have we come with our weekend plans? Betty asked.

    Oh, everything is more or less in place. Of cause it is, you and I are in charge, arent we.

    They did a high-five and then Betty returned to her pizza, cutting out a large chunk. I can hardly wait.

    - 12

    It was late Sunday night when Curt the Fox drove his red Furrari into the driveway at Bettys house. The Furrari was Curts pride and joy and he had kept it in excellent condition ever since he bought it, working as a young engineer at the Furrari factory many years ago. Both friends were really tired from a weekend of fun and games at the amusement park and Betty barely had the strength to get out of the car and say goodnight. She thanked Curt for the ride and told him to drive safely for the rest of the way home and that they would talk tomorrow. Once inside she just dropped her bag in the hallway and went straight to the bathroom where she did the most necessary and then she went to bed.

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    She expected to fall asleep as soon as she put her head on the pillow as she normally did but when she closed her eyes an image of Mr. Dundee went through her head. The image ignited a whole firestorm of questions and thoughts and Betty became more and more awake. She twisted and turned in bed for a long time before she finally dozed off and fell asleep.

    - 13

    Mr. Dundee stared at Betty with an irritated look on his face.

    It is almost eight thirty! he said and checked his expensive looking clock. Betty took a few quick steps into

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    her office and could tell by the smell that Mr. Dundee must have been there for quite some time, at least a minute.

    I didnt know that we had a meeting, she said and put her bag down behind the door, suddenly realizing that it was partly made out of fake crocodile skin.

    We do not have a scheduled meeting but I expect my employees to be in place when I need them.

    Betty just stared at him, not knowing what to say but as she stood there in confusion she could see a sudden change in his appearance. The corners of his mouth started to rise into something that resembled a smile but that could just as well be something else. Is he going to charge at me and bite, she thought, but then he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he looked up again he had a completely different charisma.

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    Please Betty, take a seat. He motioned to her chair.

    I wanted to talk to you because I have understood that you are one of our most experienced and skilled scientists.

    Betty sat down thinking that she must still be dreaming, not that he wasnt right.

    Your reputation within the organization is very impressive and I want to reward that by nominating you for a position in the new, very important and high profile improvement project.

    Mr. Dundee was all smiles and charm right now.

    Eh Nominate? asked Betty, confused.

    Yes, what do you say? He looked encouragingly at her.

    Eh What does it mean? I mean what does it involve? Betty definitely didnt want to get into something where she

    would not be able to make a significant contribution. That was just a waste of time and would bore her to death.

    You were at Mr. Hemo Royd the Snakes presentation the other day, werent you? A sudden chill of irritated atmosphere came towards Betty again and she could have sworn that the crocodile stench increased.

    Eh Yes.

    Then you should know all about the project. Betty just swallowed. Was he serious?

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    What do you say?

    Betty blinked her eyes rapidly, trying to comprehend what was going on.

    It is a great honor, Mr. Dundee continued.

    Well, then Betty said hesitantly. What the heck. A nomination was not the definite thing, was it?

    Fine, its settled then. The first meeting is between ten and two p.m. today. Ill send an invitation. And out he went.

    - 14

    At quarter to ten Betty the Hippo took the elevator to the top floor of the head quarter building at ECOSHIT where the meeting was going to be held. A lovely smell of freshly brewed coffee and cinnamon buns filled the hallway where marble fought for her attention together with gold, glass and expensive looking furniture. The environment was totally unfamiliar to Betty and she noticed to her own annoyance that she started to become very aware of how she looked and how she behaved. Determined to get rid of this feeling she stretched her body and started to walk confidently towards the conference room at the end of the hallway. She took a deep breath and entered the room with pointed chest and lifted tail. But no one even noticed her as she came through the door. The room was full of Furries who were engaged in conversation or helped themselves to the very generous breakfast buffet at the end of the room.

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    Betty relaxed a little and made her way to the coffee station where she got a plain cup of black coffee, still a little bit too uncomfortable to eat or drink anything else. She took a big sip from the cup and immediately felt a burn from the steaming hot brew. Dammit!, she thought, as she felt the sticking pain increase in her mouth.

    Here, have some ice water. A low pitched voice said from behind her and she was handed a big glass of water, filled to the brim with ice cubes. Betty thankfully took the glass and started to pour some of its content into her mouth but the motion had been too fast and uncontrolled so she got most of the icy cold water all over her upper body.

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    Yiiiiiiiiiiii, Betty screamed and started to brush the ice cubes from her chest at the same time as she was jumping up and down on the wet floor.

    The room became dead silent in a second and everyone was looking at the cute little Hippo who was making such a strong noise and powerful dance in front of them. Betty felt the glare and came to an immediate stop not knowing what to do next. Oh, no, not the tail spinning now, she though as she felt the muscles in her rear region tighten.

    Come, said the nice voice from the Furry with the ice water and she felt a big paw on her shoulder. Lets get you out of here and get you dried up. Betty did not protest against that and was very thankful to be escorted out of the room by a big brown furry bear.

    I am so very sorry, said the bear and looked at her with the warmest and kindest of eyes. I didnt mean for that to happen. I just saw that you took a big sip of that dangerously hot coffee and wanted to spare you from the same thing that just happened to me. The bear stuck out his pink tongue and pointed to a big red spot on its tip. Betty laughed and shook her head.

    You shouldnt apologize, she said as she accepted some of the paper towels that the bear had brought from the nearest toilet. I was the one who covered myself in an iceberg.

    Yes, you did make quite an unforgettable performance in there, I must say. We were all very impressed.

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    Betty felt her cheeks blush and quickly turned down her face.

    I am Bob by the way, the bear said and offered his paw.

    Betty.

    I know, said Bob and smiled that amazingly warm smile again as they shook paw and foot.

    When Betty was reasonably dry they went back together in comfortable silence. Bob the Brown Bear got them a big plate of pastry, some new coffee, with milk, and a good seat for them at the end of the big conference table.

    - 15 -

    At ten fifteen Mr. Hemo Royd the Snake entered the conference room through a door that was hidden in a panel at the back of the room. As soon as he was noticed a silence spread across the group of Furries in there and you could almost see the tension rise. The snake slithered to the high end of the table and sat down like a mafia boss in front of

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    his family. He pointed his long tongue to the table to show them to sit down and within seconds his stage was set.

    Im not going to stay long, Mr. Hemo Royd said. I just came here to give you all some brief instructions before you get started on this important project. He snapped his tail and a white screen came down from the ceiling.

    On the screen Mr. Hemo Royd showed a Microsoft PowerPoint presentation that would have embarrassed the most outrageous of modern artists. It was made with all automatic animations you could think of, lots of horrible colors and even some hideous sound effects.

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    Ive made it myself, said Mr. Hemo Royd proudly, like a kid in front of its first drawing. Despite all the fuss the message was very brief.

    Make it better than perfect.

    Make it faster than lightning.

    Make it cheaper than crap.

    The ridiculous presentation was short but it rendered Mr. Hemo Royd a standing ovation that lasted for a good five minutes even after he had left.

    This feels like a hallelujah meeting for the mafia, Betty whispered to Bob.

    Yes. I believe that we are the only ones in here that are not part of the Alpha Management Group or their immediate staff.

    As it turned out that was perfectly true. The rest of the meeting, all three and a half hours of it, they had to listen to endless presentations by various members of the Alpha Management Group.

    First they praised Mr. Hemo Royd, then they praised themselves and at last they gave their view of what the project should solve or result in. It was completely ridiculous.

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    - 16 -

    When ten minutes remained of the meeting and Betty had started to feel as if the clock took at least five minutes to turn just a second it was time for Mr. Dundee. He strutted and wiggled up to the front of the room and basked for a while in all the attention that he got up there.

    That is my new boss, Bob the Brown Bear whispered at the same time as Betty.

    Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Dundee began with the voice of someone who was about to present something very special. The time has come for me to introduce the Furry that is going to be our number one Project Leader of this amazingly wonderful project that Mr. Hemo Royd has created for us. This is a Furry that has been with us for many years and that has accomplished amazing results for us at ECOSHIT but who also holds an impeccable reputation among colleagues all over the world. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you

    Bob the Brown Bear!

    It was impossible to tell who looked most surprised, Bob or Betty.

    Please come up here and tell us a little bit about your thoughts and plans for the project in the nearest future, Bob. Maybe you can also introduce the assistant project leader that you have chosen to help you on this endeavor, namely Betty the Hippo.

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    Betty felt a brick drop on her head and how she then tried to swallow it.

    You bastard! Bob cursed with a low voice, head bent down towards the table. But professional as he was, he put on a big smile, went up to Mr. Dundee and improvised the heck out of all of the earlier presentations that day. Betty was completely stunned by the dishonest stunt that their new boss had just pulled on them. She could see the slimy little bastard slipping out through the hidden back door before she and Bob got a chance to nail him.

    - 17 -

    Bolt Lightning the Mountain Lion lifted his right paw and waved it to get the bartenders attention for the third time in the last half-an-hour. He had been at The Savannah Lodge for no more than an hour but was already drunk as a skunk from all the Red Lions he had been sinking.

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    Give us another round will you Ozzy, the drunken cat slurred to the blue octopus behind the bar who was trying to pretend that he had become both deaf and blind.

    My lady here has run out of stuff to drink.

    Curt and all of the other Furries in the bar looked at the female at Bolts right side who was clearly as oblivious to what was going on around her as the bartender tried to be.

    I think that the only thing that lady is short of is clothing, whispered a small worm at the table next to Curts. Curt smiled a little but he was not at all comfortable with the situation. Not only were they witnessing the tragic decline of a great sportsfurry. On top of that Betty the Hippo was late and he hated to sit by himself in a public place such as this one. It made him nervous and self conscious and he was never left alone. He had already politely declined the invitation from a foxy young terrier who wanted him to come and dance with her. He was seriously considering leaving when his cell phone rang.

    Hi Curtie its me, Betty said. Sorry that Im so late. Something really unexpected came up at work today so I became way behind on my regular things to do. I am still not completely done.

    Oh, thats okay. Its good to hear from you. Curts face lit up in a big smile.

    Are there any others there? Betty asked and referred to their other friends who also used to frequent the bar.

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    No, just your number one sprinter favorite, Mr. Bolt Lightning, said Curt with the delight of delivering sensational news.

    Youre kidding!

    Nope! Bolt and his lady friend of the day are here. Both quite intoxicated.

    Theyre drunk?! I though he never drank.

    Well, maybe that was the case before but definitely not now. He is barely able to keep himself on his chair. If he wasnt such a celebrity Ozzy would have thrown him out of here a long time ago.

    Really!

    Yepp!

    I cant believe what youre telling me.

    Believe it.

    So, will you be there for much longer? I I dont know when Ill be able to get there.

    Curt thought about it for a while. He really wanted to see Betty and talk to her about everything that was going on at ECOSHIT these days but he was also reluctant to stay at The Savannah Lodge by himself for much longer. But he didnt want Betty to know just how insecure he was without her and how dependent on her he had become in social situations.

    Maybe we can take a rain check and hook up tomorrow instead. Betty made the decision for him and somewhere

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    deep inside he suspected that she was more aware of how he functioned than he wanted to know.

    Okay! That sounds great. Dont work too long!

    I wont! Ciao!

    Ciao!

    - 18 -

    In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lions sleep tonight. In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lions sleeeeep tonaiiijght. Awimbawe, awimbawe, awimbawe,

    Betty the Hippo pumped up the volume in her little car and sang out loud as she gave the Herbie full gas and drove into her driveway. She jumped out and danced her way through the garden. It was almost eleven o clock at night but she was still full of energy and in a very good mood.

    When she came into her house she realized that she was not tired at all and decided that this would be a good time to do the annual spring cleaning. She took out all of her cleaning gear and got started.

    After the big project meeting that day Betty and Bob the Brown Bear had eaten lunch together and talked about the unbelievable things that had happened. The insidious stunt that their new boss Mr. Dundee had pulled on them, pretending to nominate them as candidates for participation when in fact he had already given their names as project leader and assistant project leader to the Alpha Management Group. Neither of them could understand why

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    he had done such a thing. It was unbelievable. But talking to Bob made Betty feel much better about the whole thing and when they continued to discuss the project itself they both got really excited.

    At two o clock Betty was still not finished with the very thorough cleaning she was undertaking but realized that she should probably get some sleep so she finally went to bed. You would have thought that she would be really tired the next day but amazingly enough she woke up as early as six o clock, bright eyed and bushy tailed.

    - 19 -

    Mr. Dundee the Crocodile carefully lifted his Paphiopedilum venustum and carried it to his custom made hobby room. Well inside with the door closed behind him he removed the orchid from its decorative pot and put it into the sink. He

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    slowly inserted a digital moisture meter into the growing media (not soil mind you) which he had made himself from bark and some other ingredients that he had borrowed from ECOSHIT.

    Oh we are thirsty today arent we? He said when he saw the result on the meter and started to prepare a mixture of water and orchid nutrients according to a recipe that he looked up in one of all of the books that were on shelves in there.

    Papas got a brand new stew, he sang enthusiastically to the plant and completely soaked the base of it with the mixture. Once that was done he selected one out of many mist sprayers that he kept in there and started to mist the foliage.

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    Maybe we can get you to flower from this my baby, he continued to hum to the plant.

    Muck Dundee continued to care for the plant and others like it for a good two hours before his thoughts slowly started to return to the things that were going on at work.

    I did it! He thought with amazement. I actually pulled it off! Volunteering for the task of finding the right persons to lead the new project in front of Mr. Hemo Royd had given him several points with the leader and when he also managed to give The Alpha Group some names within such a short period of time he raised his stock even further. All he had to do now was to push Bob and Betty into performing really well and he would have so much credit within upper management that he would hardly have to work at all after that.

    Which gives me more time to spend with you guys, he said lovingly to his precious plants.

    There would of cause be some nuisance dealing with Bob and Betty but he had already worked out what he would do next.

    - 20 -

    We have to tell him off straight away, Bob the Brown Bear said to Betty as they walked together along the corridors of ECOSHIT on their way to a meeting with Mr. Dundee. If nothing else so for our own sake, its never good to be taken advantage of like that without saying anything about it.

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    Yes, we must really make him understand that he cannot treat us like that. Betty tried to fill herself with as much security, self confidence and authority as possible so that she would be able to back Bobby up on this matter.

    The question is why he wanted to meet us in the cafeteria. Doesnt he have an office?

    Strategy, Bob answered. Neutral ground must fit his purposes.

    But his office would give him the upper hand, more power, wouldnt it?

    Yes youre right, which means that he must have planned something else than a head-to-head combat.

    Well, well see about that, wont we? Betty took a deep breath, pushed her chest forward and made fists with her hands (does hippos have hands?).

    Mr. Dundee sat at a table in a dark corner of the cafeteria and looked miserable. His entire body was hanging down. When he saw them coming he stood up and came towards them with open limbs and regret written all over his face.

    My friends! Please come and sit down. Can I get you anything from the cafeteria?

    Bob and Betty looked at each other, then shook their heads, still determined to play it hard.

    No thanks.

    Oh, please, let me buy you some coffee and something sweet. I really need to apologize to you guys. This time he

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    didnt wait for an answer but headed towards the temptations on offer and made an order.

    Betty and Bob looked at each other but didnt get the chance to talk before Mr. Dundee was back again. He sat down like a Furry with the weight of the world on his shoulders and shook his head.

    I cannot tell you guys how sorry I am for what happened yesterday, he began and looked at them, one after the other with sad reptile eyes.

    They made me do it.

    Betty and Bob looked at each other in total disbelief and then back at Mr. Dundee.

    Who made you do what? Bob asked.

    The Alpha Group, they Mr. Dundee couldnt continue the sentence because his body started to shiver in a disturbing way. Oh my god, Betty thought, is he going to cry?

    I was forced to do it, Mr. Dundee started to sob. His facial expression and miserable sounds made Betty wrinkle her own face in the same sort of grimace and she could see that Bob did the same. They were totally mesmerized by the scene in front of them and when Mr. Dundee finally shed a single crocodile tear they could have sworn that it dropped to the ground in slow motion. The pain that inflicted on them was excruciating.

    Its okay, Bob finally managed to say and put one of his big paws on Mr. Dundees shoulder. We all have to do things we dont like from time to time Its okay.

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    Yes, Betty continued, dont worry about it anymore.

    In an instant Mr. Dundee lit up and yelled to the waitress to bring their coffee.

    - 21 -

    Diary of Bob the Brown Bear

    Thursday 12th of April 2010

    Dear diary,

    For the last couple of days Betty the Hippo and I have tried to get some more concrete information about the project that we are supposed to lead. One problem is that Mr. Dundee has told us that

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    all communication with the Alpha Management Group should go through him (I wonder why? I dont trust that coldblooded reptile one bit). I asked him for a documented project outline, some objectives, timelines and available resources but he got really angry with me and told us that such things were our job. When I said that it normally wasnt he just left the room but later that day I got an e-mail from him where he said that he would ask the Alpha Management Group for one.

    As usual, my Dear Diary, I promise you and myself that one day I will own a mountain cabin by a lake filled with trout.

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    - 22 -

    Diary of Bob the Brown Bear

    Friday 13th of April 2010

    Dear diary,

    Today we got a project outline. It was Mr. Hemo Royds PowerPoint presentation from the meeting in the head quarter building The only addition was that they have given the project a name: The Best Optimal Approach or BOA for short. Stupid!

    As I though from the beginning were on our own on this one. Betty and I will start to work on a project plan. We will try to make something good come out of this despite the bad hand were given, something that will benefit ECOSHIT and all the Furries that work here. Thank god I have Betty on board. She knows this business from the inside and out and has a lot of great ideas.

    We did however get a deadline for the project plan. Mr. Dundee said that he already has set up a meeting with Mr. Hemo Royd and others on Friday next week. I protested and demanded at least another week. To my surprise Dundee agreed. I dont think that he had actually put up that meeting. He just wants to put pressure on us. Like we need it!

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    As usual, my Dear Diary, I promise you and myself that one day I will own a mountain cabin by a lake filled with trout.

    - 23 -

    It was early Saturday afternoon when Curt the Fox drove his red Furrari to Bettys house. He had to park behind a blue motorcycle that occupied the spot he normally used and that annoyed him a little. Curt opened the trunk and took out a couple of paper bags filled with bottles, snacks and TV dinners. He checked out the shiny motorcycle when he passed it and saw that it was a brand new Fonda Cold Thing, a bike that he would not mind driving himself.

    Curt rang the door bell and waited to hear what signal Betty had installed this week but to his surprise it was the

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    same ghastly opera as last week. He waited for a while but when no one came to the door he decided to go in.

    Betty! he yelled into the quiet house, surprised not to hear the TV or at least some music from the stereo. He called his friend again and went into the kitchen where he put his bags on the countertop. There were cups and plates in the sink from what looked like this mornings breakfast and the coffee maker was still on, steaming the scent of burnt coffee into the air. Curt turned the machine off and rinsed the pot before he continued into the living room. Maybe she has just fallen asleep, he thought, but there was no Betty in there either despite the fact that the first football game of the day would start in about five minutes or so. With growing worry Curt continued upstairs and into the bedroom thinking that she might be sick. But there was no hippo in the pile of bed linens, cushions and covers in there. Whats going on? Curt thought with growing worry.

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    Then he heard it. Low murmurs of someone talking from behind Bettys home office door.

    Curt stepped carefully to the door and opened it enough to see what was going on inside.

    Betty was sitting at her desk together with a big brown bear that Curt had never seen before. They were deeply involved in a discussion and kept writing things down and moving around a lot of post-it notes that were scattered all over the desk. Curt stood there and looked at them for a while before Betty saw him.

    Curt! she said with surprise in her voice. What are you doing here? Curt felt like asking himself the same thing.

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    I, , I he started to say and could feel how his face got warm from a blush. Its soccer Saturday, he finally managed to say.

    Oh, yeah! Betty put her foot on her forehead. Of cause it is! Sorry Curt! We totally lost track of time.

    Curt looked as if he wanted to disappear altogether but he didnt move. Instead Betty got up and pointed at Bob.

    This is Bob the Brown Bear, the project leader that I told you about.

    Curt tried to smile politely to the bear. He hadnt heard anything about no project leader. In fact he had not talked to Betty since Monday night.

    Nice to meet you Curt, Bob said and offered his paw.

    Likewise, Curt responded and saw his tiny little foot disappear underneath Bobs.

    Weve been working, Betty said in a voice full of pride.

    But now it is time to call it quits, Bob hurried to say and started to gather some of the papers together. We have worked all too long for a weekend day and now you should spend some time with your friend.

    Curt felt embarrassed but at the same time appreciative. Betty nodded.

    Absolutely.

    I will go down and start some lunch, Curt said. He deliberated for a few seconds with himself but courteous as he was he continued:

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    Would you like to join us for some junk food, Bob?

    Bob looked at Curt and then back at Betty.

    Well, I

    Yes, Betty said. Why dont you? Were just going to watch todays games and work on our form. Betty patted her tummy. Im sure Curt has brought enough food and drink. That is if you dont have other plans.

    Well, Bob looked again from one to the other. Not knowing exactly what he was supposed to do.

    - 24 -

    About forty minutes later Bob and Curt sat comfortably in front of Bettys big flat screen TV and watched the first game. None of their favorite teams were playing so they could just focus on their love of the game itself. The lunch had been a bit awkward at first. Bob and Curt had both competed for Bettys attention and approval at the same time as they tried to act casual. But as lunch progressed and they started to watch the game they all got more relaxed. Bob and Curt were surprised to find that they actually liked each other and when Betty left to go upstairs and write some things down for the project they didnt mind.

    Betty continued to work on and off for the rest of the day. Joining Bob and Curt for a short while, stuffing herself with some junk food, but then suddenly thinking of something to write down and popping upstairs again. When she was down with them her mouth kept going all the time, commenting on

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    the game, making up plans for what they all could do in the summer and discussing the project with Bob.

    Relax for a minute, will you! Bob said to her repeatedly but the message only got through for as long as it took for Betty to think of something else.

    She will exhaust herself if she keeps this up, Bob said to Curt.

    Yes, thats the problem with Betty. When she gets involved in something she wants to do it well, very well, and if she also enjoys it she can become almost obsessed.

    Bob slowly shook his head.

    I hope that she can get control of that and lower her expectations on what this project actually will be able to do. I am afraid that she might be in for some hard lessons to learn.

    - 25 -

    Diary of Bob the Brown Bear

    Wednesday 25th of April 2010

    Dear diary,

    Sorry that I havent written for a number of days.

    Our project plan has been coming along just fine and were almost ready to present it to The Alpha Management Group on Friday. Mr. Dundee has

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    been a real nuisance, asking all sorts of questions and trying to push us to do things way out of reach for this one project.

    Weve tried to hide from him as much as possible to have some working peace and quiet but he keeps finding us, I dont know how he does it.

    I actually think that this can become a really, really good project. What weve planned and started to do is to localize the key Furries within each one of ECOSHITS most important sections. Furries who know their business and that we can work with. They must be positive, have ideas and the will and determination to test new things.

    These Furries will identify things that arent working within their part of ECOSHIT and if possible come up with ideas for improvement. We

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    will then form a task force and put them through some good teambuilding.

    Out of this we hope to get some great ideas for changes that work not only for individual sections but for ECOSHIT as a whole. We will make sure that every stone is turned to get these changes in place. As a bonus we will have built a priceless network of knowledgeable Furries within the organization with a can-do mentality.

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    As usual, my Dear Diary, I promise you and myself that one day I will own a mountain cabin by a lake filled with trout.

    - 26 -

    Un, dos, tres. Un pasito pa lante, Maria, Ricky Martin starts to count his Latin lover song into Curts ears from a state of the art portable media player that Curt has strapped to his right front leg. He bends down to tie his trainers and straighten his socks and then starts to jog slowly down the street outside of his apartment building. He enters the Central Hide Park and when he passes a certain lamp-post he starts his hi-tech sports clock and picks up the pace.

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    I know I shouldnt run again today because this is the fourth day in a row. But I just have to get this frustration and anger out of my system. Bloody Betty! She just works and works all the time these days. There is no use in going to the pub anymore because she never shows up or she shows up late with that big brown blobb of a bear and talks about nothing except project this and project that. And now when the latest Seastar Trek movie - The Furry Generation, has opened up at the Barn Theatre she doesnt have time to go. You go! She said when I finally got a hold on her yesterday.

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    She has stopped to return my calls even when I leave a message. Like I would enjoy going to the cinema on my own

    But maybe I should go on my own! I dont need her! I can do things on my own you know!

    He slowed down a little after realizing that his pulse was closing in on his maximum level. A cute gazelle took the opportunity and sprinted past him, giving him a wide suggestive smile and wiggling her ass as she passed. But Curt just looked down onto the path and pretended to study his watch.

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    But I guess that she is forced to work this much right now. With this new project on top of her regular job. I mean its not like she has had any relief from her normal duties. She does sound regretful and full of bad conscience when I do talk to her. Come to think of it she doesnt seem to enjoy herself that much anymore. I wonder if she takes care of herself at all. Maybe I should talk to her about all this, suggest that she asks for a replacement or some help on her regular job.

    Curt realized that he had already made two of his normal sprint rounds and started to walk instead. He stopped his time taker without watching the result and felt how the April evening sun was warm against his whiskers. He bought an ice-cream from Rick at the corner and strolled in a much better mood towards his home and his latest mechanic hobby project.

    - 27 -

    The keys! Betty started to search through her bag with growing fear. Where have I put my keys? She tried to remember when she last had used them at the same time as she started to lift things out of her bag and onto the floor of her front porch. Im too exhausted to go back to work and get them, Ill rather just sleep in the car. Then she suddenly remembered that she had put them in one of the side pockets when she left work. Just to have them easy at hand once she got home. When she found the keys she could hear something slip through one of the slits between the floorboards and fall down to the ground below. Shit! She

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    thought and started to peek through the slits to see what it was. Well, its not the wallet or the keys, I will get it later.

    A sour indescribable smell welcomed her as she entered the door. She picked up the mail from the hallway floor and put it in a pile together with the rest of two or more weeks of unread material delivered by the Pelican Postal Service. Ill deal with that later, she thought and ignored the sting of bad conscience she felt as she passed the tower of pizza boxes from The Stallions Place. As she suspected the smell increased as she approached the kitchen. The garbage! Ive forgotten to take out the trash.

    Just minutes later she was parked in front of the TV, zapping aimlessly between channels, mindlessly eating crisps and drinking a soft drink. The garbage had ended up just outside of her front door. God Im tired. I guess I should go to bed right away but I dread another night of twisting and turning in my own sweat. Better to stay down here until I am

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    really tired. I hope we have thought of everything now. What if they dont like the presentation of the Project plan tomorrow? What if they laugh at us? What if I forget what to say?

    - 28 -

    Brilliant! Mr. Dundee thought as he watched Bob the Brown Bear and Betty the Hippo present their project plan. Absolutely brilliant! That somewhat dampened his temper after the enormous rage he had felt this morning when he received the message that the presentation would not take place in the Head Quarter building but in a regular conference room and that Mr. Hemo Royd would not be joining but be represented by a number of trusted employees from his immediate staff. Mr. Dundees cold blooded brain was reaching dangerous temperatures from all the analytic thinking he was doing about the situation. What the heck was going on?

    Betty saw Bob do an absolutely fantastic presentation. He was calm, warm, convincing and humoristic and she supplemented him with the more detailed information that they had agreed upon. It all went remarkably well. So why did she have this awkward feeling inside? Why were the managers not responding? They just sat there in their expensive suits and said or showed nothing.

    and that more or less concludes our presentation. Thank you for listening. If there are any questions we are happy to answer them now.

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    The room was silent. Then a lukewarm applause was heard, started by the old macaque that had been sitting in the back of the room, apparently sleeping through the whole thing.

    Thank you, the old monkey said with a slow, sleepy voice. We will bring this to the upper management and come back to you with a response. Thank you. He then started to rise to leave the room.

    Betty and Bob just looked at him, confused and full of questions.

    But what about the time table, Mr. Dundees voice suddenly echoed through the room. The time table cannot be taken seriously. I say it must be significantly shortened or we will rot in our graves before we see any changes.

    The old monkey sat down again with a deep sigh.

    Yes, of cause you are right, Mr. Bumblebee. Cut the time significantly and reduce the resource need estimation by at least 40 percent. Was there anything else? He turned to Mr. Dundee with an annoyed look on his face.

    No, Mr. Dundee answered, disappointed and reduced. The managers immediately stood up and marched out of the room.

    Its Dundee, Mr. Dundee mumbled to the leaving crowd. Mr. Muck Dundee.

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    - 29 -

    Mr. Yama Hama Moto Yoko the Macaque found a quiet spot not far from the meeting room. He picked up a mobile phone from within his fir and dialed 6.

    Get me Mr. Hemo Royd, he said when he had been connected.

    Mr. Hemo Royd is in a meeting all day and cannot be disturbed. Can I take a message?

    Give it a rest, Quack! Its me, Mr. Yama Hama Moto Yoko. I know Royd is out golfing today. He told me to call him as soon as I had this information that Im going to give him.

    Oh, sorry, Yak, Yaka... , putting you through. A loud beep was heard in the phone and then:

    Royd, speaking.

    Good morning, Mr. Royd. This is Mr. Yama Hama Moto Yoko.

    Hold on, Yako, Im just going to do a put.

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    There was silence, then a curse, then silence again, and another curse and finally a loud round of applause and praise.

    Shoot Wako! Or should I say, swing! Mr. Hemo Royd was back on the phone and laughed at his own joke which made the crowd in his background join in with hysteria.

    I listened to the presentation of the project plan today. How was it? Brilliant! Aha and impossible to use. How so?

    It would give far too much power to the little people in the organization. Too much power, confidence and influence.

    Crap! But thats more or less what we have expected from the intelligence that weve gotten, isnt it?

    Yes. How would you like me to proceed?

    Send the plan to the FAD group. Make them rework it to better suit our needs.

    Right. What about the bear and the pig?

    Mr. Royd thought about it for a while and then he said: Let them get started on their version of the project. We might need some escape goats in the future.

    Excellent, and Mr. Dundee? You must make him believe that he is still in the loop. Okay.

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    - 30 -

    Betty and Bob were half lying in an almost worn out sofa at The Waterhole. On the table in front of them were the remains of a big chocolate cake that Bob had bought them to celebrate that the first stage of their project was over. They had presented the project plan, complete and on time.

    I feel like a balloon that someone has just let the air out of, Betty said.

    Bob giggled and looked at her.

    Yes, you look a bit like a punctured bike-tire. Despite all that cake. Its just post presentation depression, he said. Not at all uncommon among project managers. It will pass.

    Betty sat quiet for a while with an empty look on her face and then she said. But why didnt they like it? Bob sighed and slowly shook his head.

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    I dont know. Im not even sure that they didnt like it.

    But they showed nothing. They just sat there, like zombies, like a bunch of zombie primates.

    Bob giggled and nodded but then became serious again.

    I think its best not to think too much about it, Betty. Ive felt that there is something fishy about this project already from the start. It smells of politics and hidden agendas.

    But weve worked so hard, Betty continued in a slightly desperate tone of voice.

    Yes. Weve worked hard. And we have created a heck of a project plan. Bob hesitated for a moment but then continued.

    But you, Betty, you have worked way too hard. Youve put all your focus in life on this project and thats not good for you. Thats not good for anyone.

    Betty looked sad and you could see the internal struggle she was going through.

    But I wanted this to become so good.

    Yes. And it has become good, very good in fact and Im sure that it can become good in reality as well. But you have to take it a bit easier and not invest so much of yourself in the process. In theory you should not invest more than you can afford to lose, you know.

    Betty looked grimly at him. Welcome to the Waterhole, Dr. Phil.

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    No, Im serious Betty. I have been in this game for a long time now and I have learned this from my own experience.

    But this is just the way I am, Betty protested in a desperate voice.

    No, Betty. Thats just one way you can be. One way you have been. Its not the way you are and definitely not the way you must do things.

    You think so? I know so.

    - 31 -

    Curt the Fox was surprised when he saw the number calling on his cell phone. He hesitated for a short while and took a few deep breaths to let his feelings and his heart rate slow down. Then he pressed the answer button.

    Curt the Fox, he said in a neutral voice. A short silence followed. Hi Curt. Its me, Betty. Oh, , hi.

    Look, Curt, I know that Ive been a really, really lousy Hippo friend for a couple of weeks.

    Curt wanted to say something but a tightness in his chest made it impossible. So I just wanted to say that Im sorry. Youve been working, Curt managed to say. Yes I have. But thats no excuse for neglecting my friends. Well,

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    Stop making excuses for my bad behavior you red little Furry thing!

    Okay. Will you meet me at the Savannah? Well

    No, better still, Ill come over to your place and well go from there. That way you wont have to wait for me anymore.

    Technically I would still be waiting for you Oh Curt! Sorry! Bad joke. My Curtie is back!

    And maybe my Betty is back, Curt thought with a bubbling happiness inside that surprised even him.

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    - 32 -

    The production area at ECOSHIT was almost pitch dark but a green gaze coming from the night lightning made it possible to make out the contours. The animals in the grass-eater enclosure were fast asleep except for the unlucky wildebeest that had the Friday night watch. He stood leaned against the fence and tried to keep his eyes open but no matter how determined he was and how much he filled his head with the vision of a raging lion, he repeatedly closed his eyes and dozed off.

    As the wildebeest closed his eyes a figure dressed completely in black took its chance and went past the sleeping antelope through the adjacent hallway that led to the meat-eaters enclosure. Once there the figure started the complicated procedure of getting in through the elaborate system of doors, fences and locks that prevented the carnivores from getting out, and for that matter,

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    adventurous Furries from getting in. Once inside the figure stopped to a total standstill and listened. Were there any lions or other dangerous animals around? The figure slowly took on a set of night-vision goggles and the world turned green.

    Confident that there was no apparent risk to its safety the figure quickly walked a short distance into the enclosure and went down on its knees. From a backpack it took out a box filled with plants and a mini garden shovel. It then began to dig a number of holes in the ground and quickly planted the plants in them. There were a lot of them but the figure worked fast with the kind of ease that comes from years of practice. It was almost finished when suddenly a loud thud was heard. It sounded like something heavy had been thrown to the ground. With increasing fear the figure could see how a big piece of meat tied to long rope came bouncing over the field at considerable speed and it was coming right towards its position.

    Oh my god they have installed the new feeding system already! The figure realized its mistake. The lions were now fed at night using a device that would mimic a real hunt and kill. As the figure watched the meats come closer and closer it heard the excited roar from a lioness that was just about to launch her paw into the raw meat. Ive got to get out of here!

    As the figure considered its options it realized that there would be no chance in hell that it would be able to get through the door before the fury would be there. I have to run! And so it did. It ran straight in front of the oncoming meat and the chasing cats, following in the path of the rope

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    thinking that if the predators got to the meat first then maybe it would have a chance.

    - 33 -

    Mr. Dundee looked a bit pale and shell shocked when he let Mr. Yama Hama Moto Yoko into his office on Monday morning. The two Furries shook hands and sat down at Mr. Dundees conference table.

    Good of you to be able to see me in such short notice, Mr. Bumbletree, Mr. Yoko began and took out a bright-yellow banana from within his fur. He then looked at Dundee and asked:

    Rough weekend?

    Mr. Dundee quickly looked down into the table in an attempt to avoid the question. Well, I, he began.

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    Banana? Mr. Yoko offered the fruit to Dundee who shook his head in poorly hidden disgust.

    I will be brief, Mr. Yoko said.

    Dundee nodded, still pondering what to say about the Bumbletree thing.

    We were very impressed by the plan for the BOA project that your people presented this Friday. You have done an amazing job with those two and Mr. Hemo Royd has said that it will not go unnoticed on your part. Mr. Dundee looked surprised but as the words from the monkey sank in he started to grow an inch taller in his chair.

    Our behavior at the meeting was just an attempt to apply the do not praise and get more hungry workers approach that we are testing.

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    What in the dark waters of the Everglades is he talking about, Mr. Dundee though but tried to look as if he knew exactly what Mr. Yoko meant.

    We want you to keep up the good coaching and go ahead and tell your people to proceed with the project according to plan but to cut the time and resource demand as we said on the meeting. Dundee nodded, watching in disbelief how the monkey peeled the banana as if it were a piece of Dundees favorite fish and how he then took small, clearly enjoyable bites from it.

    There is one more thing, Mr. Yoko pressed the whole remainder of the fruit down his throat and swallowed it in a loud contempt gulp. Mr. Hemo Royds niece has just joined ECOSHIT after her studies abroad and we are to take her through a trainee program. I would like you to get this organized and see to it that she gets some hands on experience from the grass root level during her first month here.

    Okay. I can do that. When will she start?

    Actually, Mr. Yoko stretched one of his long arms to the door and opened it, she is already here.

    - 34 -

    Na na na naaaa, naa na na na na na naaaaaa, were all living on Sun Street, Betty the Hippo was humming the song by Katrina and the Waves as she made her way through the corridors at ECOSHIT. The weekend had been nice and relaxing and she could feel that some of her strength and

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    energy had come back. That was on the other hand no small wonder since she had slept and done absolutely nothing the whole time. She was on her way to Mr. Dundees office after a call from him just minutes ago. Mr. Dundee had tried to get a hold of Bob the Brown Bear as well but Betty had told him that Bob had the day off since he had visitors from back home.

    I wonder if Bumblebee has gotten word from The Alpha Management Group about the project, Betty thought and felt butterflies dance a jitterbug in her tummy.

    As Betty approached Mr. Dundees office she could see a small chameleon that was sitting on a sofa outside of the office. The chameleon had the body posture of a bored teenager. When Betty passed her the lizard rolled out her long tongue and then with a snap, rolled it all the way back again, as if blowing a bubble gum.

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    Betty said hi there before knocking on Mr. Dundees door but got no response at all.

    Come in, Mr. Dundees voice called from the inside. Betty walked in and was instantly hit by the smell of ape and

    old banana.

    Betty, Mr. Dundee said and welcomed her with a short nod. Do not praise and get more hungry workers, he recalled from his conversation with Mr. Yoko.

    Sit down!

    Betty jumped, startled by his brusque voice but quickly sat down.

    Ive gotten word from The Alpha Management Group, Mr. Dundee began.

    Yes.

    They want you to go ahead and start the BOA project immediately but with the reduced timetable and resources that we have discussed.

    They liked it? Betty was surprised.

    They want you to get started right away. Mr. Dundee continued in a neutral voice, not revealing anything about what he felt or what he was thinking.

    Okay. We can do that Betty was still trying to make out what reactions there had actually been to the project.

    Are there any questions? Dundee asked. Yes there is.

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    Betty opened a small notebook that she had been carrying and started to read in it. First of all there is the question of resources. Yes.

    We will need at least one administrator as soon as possible to help with the brainstorming planning and preparations.

    Okay.

    and then there is the question of my own time, Betty was reluctant to bring this up but she had promised both Bob and Curt to do so.

    Yes.

    So far Ive tried to keep up with my normal duties alongside the project but as we enter into the next phase I reckon that this will be difficult to maintain

    Yes, youve been working like a dog weeding the garden, Mr. Dundee thought.

    So? I mean, yes?

    Betty tried to fill herself with as much confidence as possible.

    I need a replacement or someone who can help me with my normal job or I will have to reduce my engagement in the project.

    Mr. Dundee stared at her with ice-cold eyes, waiting, trying to challenge her to back down from her demands. But when Betty didnt he said:

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    Okay. We will get started on a project resource list for you and He suddenly lit up fascinated by how quickly his brain worked. Actually, Ive already though about your situation, Betty.

    You have?

    Yes, as a matter of fact I have. I have decided to get someone to help you with your normal job.

    You have? It was amazing how Betty always seemed to be repeating herself in front of the crocodile.

    Her name is Nicole the Chameleon and she is Mr. Hemo Royds niece. I have her waiting just outside. Why dont we get her? Mr. Dundee jumped to his feet before Betty had any chance to start asking questions or make any comments. Instead she watched in horror how Mr. Dundee came back into the room with the moody young lizard with the annoying tongue habit.

    - 35

    Kong the Bull was chocked. He hadnt seen his old friend Betty the Hippo for over a month now and what he saw made him absolutely distraught.

    Betty must have put on a lot of pounds in weight and she looked years older. The normal mischievous glint and glow in her eyes was all but gone and she had dark rings under her eyes. Kong didnt know what to say so he just shook hands with Betty and was introduced to some bimbo with a bad attitude that Betty had been teamed up with.

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    Kong really didnt want to bring any bad stuff up with Betty considering the way she looked but his sense of duty told him that he would have to. So when the three of them sat down to have a cup of coffee he started to gather his nerve. He put a cup of freshly brewed java in front of the Chameleon and she looked at him as if he was offering her a cactus.

    Dont you have an espresso machine? she asked. I never drink that cheap stuff.

    Sorry honey, this is all weve got.

    Kong showed no sign whatsoever of feeling inferior or lacking confidence in front of the wealthy heiress, instead he turned his focus entirely to Betty.

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    There is something really worrying that I have to tell you about Betty, he said.

    Betty looked at him but you could see that she wasnt really up for hearing it.

    Its only a rumor so far but since Ive heard it from several people last week Im beginning to suspect that there actually is some truth to it.

    Okay.

    Well, since you havent been able to do the weekly samplings and reporting for a while because of your project and all, the internal control has started to be on my back.

    What! They shouldnt do that, Betty said with irritation in her voice, if they have a problem with QA they should come directly to me.

    Yes I know but rumor has it that upper management has spread the word that you mustnt be disturbed with petty things right now. Bob threw a glance at Nicole, realizing that his last comment might not be suitable for her ears.

    Say what? Betty could hardly believe her ears, small as they were.

    Well, I dont know whats true in all of this but Ive heard that someone within internal control have contacted the authorities and that were going to get an unannounced audit very soon.

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    Betty flew up from the table, furious.

    What! There is no need for that whatsoever. We have written the bloody industry guidelines for heavens sake. We are way ahead of any authority demands and they know it.

    I know, Kong said with regret in his voice. Im only telling what Ive heard.

    Betty calmed down a little and sat down again with a deep sigh.

    Okay. Ill make some calls, she said. Worst case scenario is that we will have to go through all of our documentation to make sure that it is up to date and properly signed. Thats no problem, it just takes a lot of time Betty sank even deeper into the chair.

    Dont you have some cookies or something to go with the coffee, Kong? she asked and her friend went to a cupboard and found some old dry oatmeal cookies. It was far from Bettys favorites but she started to chew her way through the package anyway. Nichole stared at the high consumption of calories in disbelief. No wonder shes so fat, she thought.

    Please tell me that there is some good news as well, Betty said between the chews.

    Well, I can tell you about the new feeding system for the carnivores, Kong said with a big smile on his face. You know the system where the meat eaters have to chase the meat in order to get it.

    Yeah.

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    We had the thing installed a couple of weeks ago but at first the animals didnt seem to get it at all. They didnt chase the meat and almost seemed to be afraid of the devise.

    Fearless top-predators

    Right! But then during this weekend something must have happened because now they love it. They start to move about in excitement a long time before were gonna feed them and once that meat hits the ground there is Well I must say there is some furious animal hunting going on. Its almost scary.

    Well, thats good, Betty said with at least some enthusiasm.

    - 36

    You do what? Nichole the Chameleon asked with eyes big as saucers when Betty explained to her what their job was going to be during the next couple of hours.

    We collect samples from the animals excrements and bring it back to the lab where I do different analyses on it to determine various aspects of its quality.

    Well, Im not doing that! Nichole said and just walked away towards the carnivore enclosure. Im going to look for lion cubs instead.

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    Betty sighed and felt a sudden pain shoot up from her stomach. She quickly told Kong that she would be back and then rushed to the service center where she barely got into the little rest-room before she had to hit the toilet. Fifteen minutes of stomach ache and nausea later she finally managed to go back to work. As she came out she could see Kong, Nichole and Mr. Dundee standing by the fence to the meat eater enclosure. Whats he doing here, Betty thought.

    and on this panel we have all the controls for the irrigation system, the lights, the lawnmowers you name it, Kong explained to them both.

    Yes, about that, Mr. Dundee interrupted, I think the vegetation looks very dry, doesnt it? He kept looking out towards an area in the enclosure where it seemed as if a couple of moles had created a regular pattern of mole holes with plants sticking out of them.

    Its the season, Kong answered. We try to mimic a regular yearly pattern of normal weather conditions on the savannah and right now its the dry season.

    But still , Mr. Dundee continued but was interrupted by his own cell phone which he picked up and answered immediately after seeing the number calling on the display.

    Muck Dundee, he answered and started to walk along the fence away from Kong and Nichole. As he did so one of the lions suddenly caught sight of him and immediately roared with intense fury. The whole lion pride woke up and started to bolt towards Mr. Dundee at considerable speed. Kong could hardly believe his eyes when he saw one lion after the

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    other come bashing towards the fence, apparently trying to catch Mr. Dundee.

    Nichole, who had been studying the control panel for a while thought that Mr. Dundee might be impressed by her if she gave the vegetation some water which he seemed to be so concerned about. She didnt hesitate for one second before she pressed a big button that was marked irrigation and then turned a switch beside it to maximum.

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    - 37

    The water erupted from hundreds of sprinklers that were buried in the ground all over the enclosure. The lions that were charging at Mr. Dundee came to an immediate stop but amazingly enough Mr. Dundee had not even noticed that they were there or that massive amounts of water sprayed the air. He just continued to walk away from it all, totally focused on the conversation he was having.

    Turn it off! Kong and Betty screamed in one voice and rushed towards the control panel.

    What?! Nichole said in ignorant defiance as Kong threw himself towards the panel and turned off the irrigation system.

    You idiot! he yelled at Nichole but wasted no more time on her. Instead he ran towards the service center, quickly followed by Betty.

    Come on and help us, Betty shouted at Nichole who stood still in excited amazement.

    Kong and Betty soon came out of the building again, carrying buckets and something that looked like plastic shovels.

    Help us rescue the dung beetles or they will drown! Kong shouted to anybody that could hear around them.

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    Betty and Kong rushed into the carnivore enclosure and immediately started to swoop up beetles that were struggling to survive in the flooding water that was dangerously deep for them.

    - 38

    A couple of hours later Betty and Kong were half-lying on the ground, totally exhausted and completely soaked in water and sweat. Amazingly enough they had managed to rescue all of the dung-beetles from drowning and saw the lot of them lie in the sun in front of them, traumatized from the experience, but alive.

    You cannot irrigate when the beetles are working in there, Kong explained to Nichole who seemed to be totally unaffected by the incident. Betty didnt even have words for what the brat had done.

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    Just go home for the day, she said to Nichole. Meet me at my office tomorrow morning.

    But its only three o clock in the afternoon, Nichole said. What about the samples?

    Do you think that there will be any heaps of dung lying around in there after that flood? Betty asked with a lot of sarcasm in her voice. Besides, I thought you refused to deal with such things.

    Nichole didnt answer, she simply walked off. Betty felt a sting of bad conscience but it quickly turned into irritation.

    Why did you leave her alone? she asked Kong. You know we should never leave unauthorized furries alone in here.

    Kong looked surprised at his old friend and when Betty saw the growing sadness in his eyes she immediately started to apologize.

    Im sorry Kong, I didnt mean to put this on you. I, , I dont know whats happening with me. I can hardly recognize myself anymore

    - 39

    Mr. Dundee sat in his office and pondered over the situation. The phone call had been from Mr. Yoko who had told him that the FAD group was going to completely rework the BOA project plan into something that sounded absolutely crazy. The new plan would be handed back to the project, that is, to Betty and Bob, and it was expected that the two of them should implement it. If the plan actually

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    would contain what Mr. Yoko had talked about then Betty and Bob would surely protest against implementing it. And then what? Mr. Dundee thought. Am I supposed to force them into doing it?

    And if that wasnt enough, there was another thing. Until the new plan came it was crucial, according to Mr. Yoko, that nothing was done whatsoever on Betty and Bobs original plan. How am I going to pull that one off? Mr. Dundee thought. It was difficult to play a smart strategic game when there were so many unknown and constantly shifting variables. I wish I could be with my little babies instead, Mr. Dundee thought.

    - 40

    When Betty the Hippo came back to her office it was too late to start calling her contacts about the alleged authority audit. Instead she sat down at her computer and started to scan through the never ending stream of new mails that she had gotten during the day. Do this, do that, she though and opened her top drawer to