Jim Bauer - How to Detect an Affair

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Table of Contents

Chapter 1: How To Prepare Yourself

Chapter 2: When Can You Say It’s Cheating?

Chapter 3: Why You Should Know

Chapter 4: Infidelity Quiz

Chapter 5: Is There a Life After Infidelity?

Chapter 6: Accidental Slip-Ups

Chapter 7: Behavioral Changes

Chapter 8: Unexplained Travel

Chapter 9: Dirty Tricks

Chapter 10: Looking For Signs

Chapter 11: Following the Paper Trail

Chapter 12: Masked Surveillance

Chapter 13: Tips To Flush Your Partner Out

Chapter 14: Liars

Chapter 15: Detecting Lies

Chapter 16: Secret Communication

Chapter 17: Performing Reverse Cell Phone Lookups

Chapter 18: Setting Up A Free Lie Detector on Your Partner’s Phone

Chapter 19: Retrieving Deleted Text Messages

Chapter 20: The Other Person

Chapter 21: Finances

Chapter 22: When Your Partner Leaves

Chapter 23: Family and Friends

Chapter 24: What To Do When Your Partner Leaves

Chapter 25: The Aftermath


CHAPTER ONE:

How To Prepare Yourself

You may be wondering whether or not your spouse is cheating on you and

this thought might have been stuck in your mind for quite some time

already. Like any other event in your life that appears traumatic, you know

you have to prepare yourself for whatever it is you are going to find out.

Upon finding out, you already know that you won’t be able to think clearly

and respond logically.

But let’s get things organized first. Have you already schemed a way so you

can prove that your spouse is really cheating on you?

Most people would confront their partner once they suspect cheating but you

should resist the urge to do this. The wisest thing you can do is to plan out

your moves and be strategic in your actions. Imagine what kind of response

you would get if you would instantly accuse your spouse of cheating?

Obviously, your partner will deny your accusation if you don’t have any proof

or your proof is just circumstantial. It is vital that you are able to prove that

your spouse is indeed having an affair with another person or else you won’t

be able to counter their denial.


Do not expose your suspicions and jeopardize your chances at catching him

in the act of cheating by confronting your partner. What they would

perceptibly do so they won’t get caught again is to be more careful making it

harder for you to find proof. Whereas if you play innocent and bottle up your

suspicions, your spouse will have no idea that you are on the scheme of

gathering proof of his hidden affair with someone else.

The best strategic move therefore, is to play innocent. Just think about what

other people will say about you if they believe you are not listening. Many

surprising thoughts may be revealed. They will not hold back on what they

are going to say about you and let things unconsciously slip. If you are

observant enough, you might be able to detect these slip-ups such as when

your spouse comes home with damp hair or smelling of soap. Do not

immediately confront him. Take note of these and wait for the next slip-up.

As the old saying goes:

“Keep your friends close and your enemies closer”

The more you bottle up your suspicions, the more proof you can gather

about him. Remember to never accuse if you don’t have enough proof.


Chances are, you will expect denial or you could totally be wrong about your

accusations.

You can also hire a private investigator to do the spying for you. You don’t

need to put your life on hold just to waste your time spying on him. Private

investigators are professionals and they know what they are doing. Just

make sure you don’t let your spouse know you are doing this by keeping

your business cards and paying the investigator by cash.

If you think that hiring someone may be too expensive, you can ask for help

from your significant others. Or you could check his cellular phone for

suspicious text, calls or emails. You can also bring him food whenever he

says he’s at the gym just to make sure that he really is there.

Just keep in mind to be discrete and do not let him think that you are spying

on him or else he and his lover will change their routines.

Keep all solid evidence that you have about your partner’s external affair

and only show it if you think it is enough. Having everything on hand, your

partner will be caught off guard with no chances of making up any excuse

for his actions. These solid evidences may also come in handy for legal

purposes.


Emotions can be a strong influence so make sure that you write down

whatever you are thinking or what you are planning. That way, these plans

will not get influenced easily by your emotions.

People can become irrational once emotions are involved and may say or do

something that they will eventually regret. Be sure to try and stay strong

especially if you have children because they need someone to look up to

when they are confused and scared about the situation.

A close friend or a family member can act as a support person but you have

to be 100% sure that this is not your partner’s lover. Once you’re sure, you

can then speak out your suspicions and try to be open to you support

person’s point of view.

You must also ask this support person if he/she is willing to accommodate

you if ever what you’re suspecting is true. This way, you won’t be alone

during this crisis in your life.

If there’s no one who can act as your support person, there are always

support groups in the community. Search for shelters and hotels are


available where you can stay and pass time in case your partner won’t leave.

But be aware that in the end, it is the cheating partner that should leave.

However, if you think that your partner can change and if you’re willing to

give your relationship a second chance, be sure to state your expectations

and whatever it is that needs to change. Make your statements clear and

have therapists ready to back-up the both of you during this patch-up to

avoid giving up on working out the relationship.

If you have decided to patch things up, just make sure your partner is also

willing to do it because if he doesn’t, the situation will end up causing you

much more pain.

Be clear about what you are going to say and be aware of what emotions

you want him to know. Let him realize that he has to take responsibility of

his actions. Don’t go about jumping, slapping and screaming as this will

make your partner think that you are unstable. If your partner sees that you

are strong and able to control your emotions, they will realize that they have

made a grave offense and will think that you can stand on your own even

without them.

Even if you think that hurting your partner is just, never do this because you

can be charged of assault and battery.


Be sure to keep all evidence and request people to remember infidelities

because you might need these for legal purposes. Also make it a point to

hire a good lawyer preferably one that has been referred by a friend.

Knowledge indeed is power so take advantage of every situation, plan

carefully and be cognizant. Be aware of your rights and don’t let your

partner trample over your ego.

Money is still vital at this point so make sure you have settled joint bank

accounts. Save up some just in case you need to stay away from your

partner or if your partner doesn’t want to give up the house. You will need

the time to be away from each other so you can both think things through.

If perchance you are wrong about your accusations about your partner, you

must also be prepared for personal change. Accusing your partner of

cheating is a big thing so you might need therapists to help you deal with

jealousy and mistrust issues.

Upon finding out the truth, it is understandable that you may still think that

your partner is cheating on you. Until your suspicions have been proved,

never say anything to your partner.


If your partner is indeed innocent and it has been proven that he is not

cheating on you, you have to put everything behind and stop torturing your

partner. An end to this matter doesn’t mean that you won’t have future

problems again.

This event will bring about a change in your relationship with your partner.

You have to work on rebuilding the trust. A marriage counselor is advisable

during this time so that both of you can work through this issue and regain

trust with each other once more.


CHAPTER TWO:

When Can You Say It’s Cheating?

Each individual has a different perception about what cheating is. So how do

you know if cheating is cheating or if it’s merely temptation in a different

form?

Women see kissing and sex more of an emotional rather than a physical

experience. Men think the opposite. If these aspects differ from each gender,

then cheating may mean different for each gender too.

Basically speaking, exchange of body fluids with another person who isn’t

your spouse can immediately be considered as cheating. Kissing is

somewhat forgivable, but it is usually what leads to sex. So can kisses be

concluded as cheating?

If the event didn’t go any further than a kiss, is it because they knew what

they were doing was wrong or because they felt guilty that they were

already cheating their partner? In this case, a guilty kiss can conclude that

the cheater doesn’t want to cheat on his lover.


Kisses can be influenced by different factors but the most common kind of

cheating kiss is the drunken kiss. Kisses influenced by alcohol can mean that

the thought is clouded and judgment is unclear. Sometimes, cheating kisses

happen because the cheater wants to get attention from the opposite sex

and prove that he/she still has worth.

Sex on the other hand is unquestionably cheating. If someone tells you that

he/she had ‘accidental sex’ with someone, then that person is an idiot. There

is always time to think before doing the act. If the cheaters plan to meet up,

then they would possibly talk about where to do it. This time will give them

enough time to realize and think about what they are about to do. Unlike

cheating kisses, alcohol influence is not an excuse to deciding to have sex

with someone. No matter how drunk you are, you always know what you are

about to do when it comes to sex.

Flirting on the other hand is just a means of stroking the ego. However, if

the person is not contented with flirting, this may eventually lead to kissing

and having sex with a person other than the main partner. Flirting is healthy

in a relationship and I bet you have done this yourself from time to time too.

But it shouldn’t lead to kissing or sex or else it will then be considered

cheating.


How about porn and strip clubs? Can you say that it’s cheating when you see

your partner watching porn movies and going to strip clubs? Do not jump to

conclusions. Make sure you ask your partner the reasons behind this ‘hobby’

and why they enjoy doing so. If your partner likes porn and strip clubs, it

does not instantly equate that he wants to sleep with the stripper.

If you are in this kind of situation, think of it as something to be thankful for

– that your partner is not out there fulfilling his physical desires. Deal with

the situation as calmly and rationally as you can. But be cautious too

because looking at strippers is definitely different from getting a lap dance

from one of them. It transcends to a more intimate level from visual to

physical.

If your partner is constantly hanging around with someone else, this doesn’t

conclusively mean cheating. There is a probability however, it may not have

happened yet. What you need to do is approach your partner calmly and

state that you are not happy with him hanging around that person; however,

never forbid them from seeing each other. Your partner might think that you

are trying to be in control.

If you’re lucky, there might be a time that your partner will honestly tell you

that he is worried that he might be developing feelings for another person.


Never treat your partner like a cheater instead, talk to him. Tell him that you

appreciate his honesty and that he must do some effort to avoid that certain

person. He managed to gather all his courage to be honest with you because

he doesn’t want to be involved with another person.

His honesty in having feelings for someone is not cheating but it will turn out

to be that if you don’t handle the situation carefully and will not do anything

about it.


CHAPTER THREE:

Why You Should Know

The most important characters in a relationship are trust and

communication. Without them the relationship won’t work out and problems

regarding affairs with other people cannot be fully dealt with. Both

individuals must be 100% happy and trustful after a problem has been fixed

or else the problem will reoccur all over again.

When you are in a serious relationship, the last thing you want to find out is

that your partners is having an affair or have had an affair with someone

before. But apart from that, the worst feeling is when you’re not entirely

sure about your suspicion. Your gut instinct has a purpose and it might tell

you that your partner is cheating so you need to deal with it by gathering

solid evidence. If you discover in the end that your partner is not cheating,

then you need to work on building the trust once more.

Several reasons exist as to why some people don’t want to know if their

partner is cheating. Most people think that this event might ruin the

relationship and they will end up alone again. But in reality, dealing with the

problem is the first step to determining your future with your partner or on


your own. Problems need to be faced head on so that it is much easier to

move on.

So why should you know if your partner is cheating? Well in actuality, it is

for your own good and for your own future. Don’t be scared with the truth

because if you deny learning the reality, you will be stuck in that place for a

long time and will only end up hurting yourself. You can fool other people

but you can never fool yourself.

Chances are you will be willing to work it out with your partner so as I’ve

mentioned and you need to get a counselor to help you out with your issues.

But if perchance you decide to get separated, then view this event as a

chance to start your life again. You are much better off without the pain and

suffering caused by your partner and once you’re gone, your partner will

realize that losing you is a cruel punishment of his actions.

Another reason why you need to know if there is cheating in a relationship is

because having a cheating partner can greatly affect your personality and

how you interact with other people. Apart from that, it can also affect your

confidence and self-esteem. You may also find it hard to trust other people,

even your friends. You might think that if one person that you love can hurt

you, won’t everyone else do the same? Chances are, you might also


conclude that are not good enough for anyone anymore. But the truth is,

these thoughts are not at all true.

Usually when a person knows that his/her partner is cheating, they will ask a

million questions whenever their partner leaves the house; such as “Where

are you going? How long will you be gone? Who are you going with?” and

the worst one would be “Are you going out to meet him/her?” The latter

usually fires up an argument and the cheater leaves the house feeling bad

which pushes him further into his lover’s arms. You can end this hurting

cycle by gathering facts and finding out if your partner is really cheating on

you.

When there are children involved in the situation, the matter must be dealt

with appropriately. People think children are naïve but in reality, their mind

is a blank canvas which makes it easier for them to remember what they

hear and see such as mum and dad arguing and accusing each other of

cheating. When they grow up, they might unconsciously do the same to their

own partners and end up getting hurt just because they have witnessed such

during their childhood.

If your partner denies having an affair with another person, you must go to

extreme means to prove infidelity so that you can show your partner and


yourself that you are not silly enough to tolerate such act. If you have

proven this, then you can stop worrying yourself and wasting your life

wondering where your partner is and who your partner is with.

Legal battles might arise in the event so be prepared with all the evidence

on hand for your own benefit. However, if your partner isn’t really cheating,

then you have to make amends and prove to your partner that you can trust

him. Lack of trust can ruin a relationship, so can empty accusations and

jealousy. Accusations of infidelity are far more harmful than actually finding

out a cheating partner.

A support person from the outside may be able to help you have a clear view

of your situation. Listen to your friend’s opinions as these may be insightful

and help you realize certain things that have been clouded by your mistrust

and jealousy. You need to find out the truth and if your partner is not proven

guilty, then tell your friends so they don’t end up being needlessly harsh on

your partner.

Pause for a moment and ask yourself this question: “How much time am I

spending thinking and worrying about what might be?”


Basically, the more you think about it, the bigger the problem becomes.

Even if you try to bottle up your emotions, these will eventually and

unconsciously find a way to manifest in your voice and actions.

However, ask yourself this question too: “Is it fair that I accuse him of

something when the fact is he has done nothing wrong?”

Put yourself in your partner’s position and think about how you would feel if

you were accused of cheating when you’re not. Won’t you feel offended?

Won’t you think that your partner doesn’t trust you anymore?

These questions will eventually lead to more fights that will ruin the

relationship so it is advisable that you have to prove that your partner is not

cheating before it will ruin your relationship.

A sincere and deep apology is expected if ever your accusations are wrong.

Expect beforehand that you will not be instantly forgiven but realize that you

are one step ahead to a much better relationship with your partner. You will

then know what you should do if ever your gut instincts gets off track.


CHAPTER FOUR:

Infidelity Quiz

Try and answers these questions with “Yes” or “No” as honestly as you can

so you will be able to determine if there is infidelity involved in your current

relationship:

1. It was less than a year after you met your partner when you decided

to get married.

2. You and your partner are both under 25 years old.

3. Your partner has unexplained and unpredictable mood swings.

4. After coming home, you and your partner don’t talk much about what

happened to your individual lives during that day.

5. You both have individual hobbies and interests.

6. You and your partner are married for less than 7 years.

7. You have a kid who is under 2 years old.

8. You and your partner examine phone bills, utility and bank accounts

together.

9. When there is time, you and your partner plan on ways to spend time

together.

10. You and your partner have good relationships to both your in-

laws.


Each number has corresponding points when you answered “Yes” or “No”.

Add the corresponding score and see the results below:

Question Yes No

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

10

1

1

1

1

0

1

1

0

0

0

0

0

0

0

1

0

0

1

1

1

Results:

Total of 1-3: You are able to understand what marriage and working

together as a couple is all about while regarding each other’s individuality.

Because your marriage is strong, infidelity is highly unlikely. Don’t be

complacent though and try to keep working at growing together as partners.


Total of 4-6: You only have a typical idea on how to make a marriage work

out but do not despair because there is still room for change. If you want to

save your marriage and reduce the risk of infidelity, then you need to sit

down and talk about your issues as a couple.

Total of 7-10: Basically, your marriage is what we call a disaster waiting to

happen. You need to realize that you have entered marriage and you need

to work things out together, not as separate individuals. Having a hobby is

an outlet away from each other once in a while so go have a hobby. When

deciding on something, include your spouse. It is vital that you both have

the time to be with each other to discuss on your priorities and how you can

strengthen your weak relationship. To avoid major problems in the near

future, seek a counselor to help you resolve your marital problems.


CHAPTER FIVE:

Is There a Life After Infidelity?

Whether you have decided to be together or whether you want to be on your

own after an event of infidelity, there is always a life after it. It just depends

on how you move on from there and how much willing you are to accept

reality.

Communication is very important during this phase but you still need the

space to think things through. Ask the cheater to move out of the house for

about 1-2 weeks so you can evaluate your emotions.

If the cheater has been cheating on you habitually over and over again, then

probably the relationship is not worth saving at all. If it’s not the first time

your partner has cheated, then it will definitely not be the last. If you decide

to take this person back after the recurrent episodes of cheating, then that

person might think that he can get away with his actions that easily and will

eventually cheat on you again.

You have the other option of looking at your relationship and evaluating

whether you are willing to trust your partner again. Rebuilding broken trust

is a long and tedious process and both of you should put equal amount of


efforts to it. A relationship counselor can greatly help since they are experts

in the field and have studied several cases of infidelity before.

If both you and your partner decide to go your separate ways, then think

rationally on how everything will end up and how you can divide your shares

equally. You have to talk with your partner and establish a closure to your

affair so each of you can have a final say.

Also consider whether you want to be friends with that person afterwards.

You can’t be friends if you have bad feelings for a person so decide and set

the limits to your relationship before breaking it off with your partner.

It is true that time heals all pain so never feel bad about yourself because as

true as it may be that it will still hurt in the process of healing; it will never

be anywhere near as bad. Do not waste your time crying over someone who

doesn’t know you and who obviously doesn’t deserve you.

It is acceptable to cry but you have to eventually pull yourself together and

realize that it was not your fault that this thing has happened. Do not wallow

in self-pity and realize that you have to stop thinking about what could have

been if you acted differently. Stop thinking about your partner and do not try


to over analyze the situation because you will end up confusing and hurting

yourself even more.

What has happened is something that time cannot rewind so bear in mind

that you need to pick yourself together and rebuild your self-esteem. You

will need to start dating again but never let anyone push you into doing it.

Deal with your problems first before you go into another relationship

because as long as you’re not over your partner, you will never find

someone else who can make you feel the same way as your partner did.

Deciding whether to stay together or not is up to you. But always make it a

point to evaluate the outcomes of your decision and determine how you will

be able to cope up with the situation.

Although it is fulfilling to be able to express your thoughts, it is sometimes

much better to be silent. Not saying anything can hurt as much as painful

and angry words. Your partner will eventually realize how hurt you are and

how hurting his actions were making you aome out as the better person.


CHAPTER SIX:

Accidental Slip-Ups

There will always come a time that you partner will have slip ups. With so

many lies being generated, he will not be able to remember everything he

has said to cover up his affair. If these slip ups occur, do not let it pass you

by because your partner might think that he can easily get away with it.

If there will come a time that your partner will accidentally call you by

someone else’s name, don’t brush it off that easily. Your partner might be

visually imagining his other lover while he is talking, or worse, making love

to you. Listen carefully when he mentions the name again and pick up cues

from his conversation with you.

If many people or close friends and family members have seen your partner

with someone else publicly even if your partner has told you he will be at

work, this is positively a proof that he has an affair with someone else. If

you confront him and he tries to cover it up, tell him that he owes you an

explanation and that you won’t stop pestering him until you get the truth out

of him.


Other common slip-ups is are cases where you see lipstick on his collar, a

certain scent or perfume that you do not own, or a hair strand on his

clothes. When you find these, do not accuse him of anything instead, just

state it simply and clearly that there is lipstick on his collar. See what his

reaction is like and listen to his alibi. By the time he tells you an alibi, you

have already determined whether he is lying or not just by analyzing his

reaction.

Whatever that slip-up is, never let your partner get away with it. If you have

the reason to be suspicious, do so because you will be amazed at what you

will discover. The key to being informed is being aware therefore you should

be cognizant and mindful about what is happening around you.


CHAPTER SEVEN:

Behavioral Changes

What signs should you look out for if you think your partner is cheating on

you? It is a fact that when someone hangs around another person long

enough, his personality and behavior will mimic that of the person he is

spending time with. Sexual, behavioral and personality changes in your

partner are positive signs that he is having an affair.

While it is true that most people will experience a stand-still in their sex life

if their partner is having an affair with someone else, it is not perpetually

true. Sometimes, the cheaters sex drive might become highly stimulated

leading to an increase in you and your partner’s sex drive. Observe if your

partner is putting pressure on you in trying out different sexual positions and

discover the reason behind this change of interest.

On the other hand, if your partner and his lover are having new and

passionate sex, then your partner might have little desire in lovemaking with

you and might see it as a chore rather than a pleasure. Lack of foreplay and

kissing is a sign of distraction so be aware of these when you and your

partner are having sex.


General questions can also reveal whether he is guilty of having an affair

with someone else. A simple question such as “What did you do today?” or

“How was your day?” answered by your partner in a defensive manner

shows that he is definitely hiding something. You can simply respond by

saying that he has to tell you so you won’t worry who he’s with or where

he’s at during that time.

Body language can tell a lot. Take for example folded arms. Folded arms

during your conversations actually mean that your partner doesn’t want to

talk about it or he’s not interested in whatever you are saying.

The key to determining these signs of changes is to put yourself in your

partner’s shoes. Think about what you would say or do when confronted and

correspond this with what your partner is doing.


CHAPTER EIGHT:

Unexplained Travel

If your partner has an affair, then travelling should be one of the important

areas you need to look into because this is the only time that your partner

and his lover can go about as a normal couple without taking the risk of

someone they know seeing them together.

As soon as your partner says he has business trips to attend to, evaluate

whether his job requires him to do so. You can begin having doubts when

your partner can’t give you a contact number at the hotel he is staying in

and makes up excuses as to why you shouldn’t contact him during his trip.

Bear in mind that no company will send an employee somewhere without a

phone or any means of communication available. You can also give his office

a ring and ask the secretary for his contact number. Make legitimate reasons

why you need to contact your partner so that you will be given the number

immediately.

You can also offer to send him off to or pick him up at the airport. If he

makes up excuses and tells you not to do it, you have to ask why and listen

to his excuse.


While your partner is away, he might ring you to check in maybe twice a

day. This happens because he doesn’t want you to call him up because you

might interrupt something. When he calls, there’s nothing interesting in

what he is saying and he usually ends it up quickly. To combat this action,

you should insist that you call him up yourself during his trip.

Another thing your partner might do so he can spend time alone with his

lover is to convince you to take more trips with your friends. This way, he

gets to be alone with his lover while you are away. But if you do decide to

take the trip, ring home a few times when you expect your partner to be

there and if he isn’t, listen to his excuse as to why he didn’t answer your

call.


CHAPTER NINE:

Dirty Tricks

There are several things your partner will do to get you off their back. Some

of the ones listed below are time tested and proven while others are quite

creative and alarmingly effective too. However, each of these tricks has one

agenda in common: to allow your partner to get away from you and the

house where they can be alone with their lover.

Business Trips

Business trips are the perfect excuse where your partner and his lover can

get away as far as possible from you and enjoy being a couple for several

days or weeks. It can also be a good way for them to be together in a nice

hotel and have a hindrance-free weekend together.

Late Nights at the Office

If your partner has a busy profession, then this is probably the best excuse

they can give you because you are not entirely sure about how busy his

workload is. A project nearing the deadline is a perfect excuse to stay out

late without any interruption from you since it is understandable that you


must not disturb your partner while he is working when in fact your partner

is with his lover all the while.

Gym Schedules

If your partner is good, he might be able to make you believe that he has

gym training schedules on a regular routine. This excuse is particularly

clever because he can then deal with the issue of coming home with damp

hair and smelling of soap.

Your partner may be working out more than you think and is trying to

impress someone if they spend endless hours at the gym and decide to go

on a health binge without any apparent reason.

Business Lunches and Dinners

Your partner may also make an excuse of having an important business

dinner with someone. What other perfect excuse to be uninterrupted for a

period of time than to use this alibi? Determine whether these business

lunches and dinners correspond to your partner’s job description and

monitor how frequent these are occurring.


Membership in a Sports Team

Being a member in a sports team can be your partner’s excuse of not having

time to be with you. Your partner can also use this excuse for tournaments,

practices and away games with the team.

Out With Some Friends

It is understandable that both you and your partner have individual sets of

friends of the same sex and at times would want to be out with them every

once in a while. However, if this excuse is being used often, it is just that

you inquire about how often your partner and his friends are going out.

Night Classes

This is an alternative to the sports team excuse. Having classes or taking up

a hobby is definitely something you must not deny from your partner. But if

you think there’s something more to it, you should be careful and look into

this excuse closer.


CHAPTER TEN:

Looking For Signs

If there is an affair going on between two people, they tend to make sure

that everything is kept hidden. However, it is common that they forget to

cover up small things and these things might appear as noticeable ones to

people who manage to discover them.

It is just the same as you and your home. You will eventually notice that

something is not right because you already know where everything is placed

inside the house. Same is true with your partner. Because you already know

him and have been with him for quite some time, you will easily notice when

something isn’t right about his actions or character.

Your partner’s car and the bedroom are two of the most noticeable places

where you can investigate changes. Take a mental picture of his car before

your partner leaves or a visual image of the house and where things are

placed before you leave. See if there are hair strands that don’t belong to

you or your partner on the head rest of the passenger’s seat or your side of

the bed. These hair strands might also be on the floor, in the bathroom or on

your vanity mirror so be extra careful and have a keen eye for these.


Keep in mind where the towels are and what color your sheets were right

before you left because if your partner and his lover are having sex on your

bed then your partner will definitely wash the sheets to eradicate the soiled

evidence of infidelity. Keeping your body wash and razor in the same place

after using it can also be done because if they are not in the same place you

left it, you can be sure that another girl has used it and not your partner

because the smell cannot correspond to his gender.

When you get home from work, see if there’s any condensation or water

droplets in the bathroom because if there is, then it is definitely not from

your morning bath.

Try checking under the bed or on the side of your partner’s car seat to see if

there are necklaces or earrings that you partner’s lover might have taken off

to get comfortable. Earrings fall off easily so be sure to search for this.


CHAPTER ELEVEN:

Following the Paper Trail

Receipts

If your partner has an affair with someone else and is maintaining it, then it

has surely cost him time and money. Spending habits leave a paper trail

therefore you know what is going on with your partner and his lover’s lives.

If you are willing to spend time and effort, you will discover that this paper

trail is evidence enough that your partner has an affair with someone else.

It’s just a matter of asking yourself how hard you’re prepared to look for the

trail.

Receipts are the most obvious paper trails to look for because you can easily

locate them in trousers, jackets, glove compartments, under car seats, and

many other places. Shop receipts indicate when, how much and what is

being paid for so you now get an idea on what is happening in your partner’s

life and his lover. Eventually you will be able to build a profile on where you

partner has been and what activities he has been doing for a couple of days.


Record every receipt you get and correspond it with his excuses for that

certain day. Although his story might not always match up with the receipt,

bear in mind that this is not always a sign of infidelity. Be just and

reasonable before you start accusing your partner.

Bank Statements

Likened to receipts, bank statements also provide a summary of what you

have been spending on and when you are spending them. It will be very

easy to trace expenses if you and your partner have joint accounts. If you

both have individual accounts, be sure that you know about each and every

one of his accounts so you will be able to monitor them.

If you’re not able to find any of your partner’s bank statements lying around

the house, you can always call the bank and ask for a statement. Most bank

account security questions will just ask for the last 4 digits of an SS number

or the mother’s maiden name and you know those already. You can also

intercept the statement in the mail before he gets a chance to open it or you

could view the statement online, provided that you have his account

numbers.

Credit Cards


By reviewing credit card statements, it will be easy to track down the

spending activities of your partner. Like receipts and bank statements, credit

card statements will also provide you as to what item was purchased, when

it was purchased and how much has been spent on the item.

It might be difficult to keep track of his spending activities if he has several

credit cards but you can ask for a credit report from credit reporting

agencies such as TransUnion.

Whether it be a receipt, bank statement or credit card report, a good hunt

around the house and in trash cans while your partner is away can prove to

be beneficial in knowing what lifestyle he leads.

E-mail

Email is yet again another tool in the cheating scheme. Microsoft Explorer is

the most common way to access emails and sometimes you don’t even need

to type in the passwords for you to access the email account. Once you’re in,

you will be able to browse through folders and open messages that may

spark your curiosity but if the email is protected, then you can’t go further

unless you have spyware installed on your computer.


Most people don’t go through much trouble when using their emails so use

this for your benefit. The trash folder is the best place to look for any

deleted messages that might be from your partner’s lover. Email messages

that have been deleted are usually stored there for 24 hours before it

permanently gets deleted. Another place to look for is the recycle bin where

deleted images and files can be located. The recycle bin cannot be emptied

unless you do it manually and is sometimes overlooked by desktop users.

When you see an item, file or email that may come out as evidence that

your partner is cheating, all you need to do is print out the file.

Capturing Emails and Passwords

1. How To Capture Emails Using Outlook

If your partner uses Microsoft Outlook or Outlook Express to send and

receive emails, you only need 10 minutes to access his account by:

• Open Microsoft Outlook/ Outlook Express program

• Click on File >> Import/Export

• Click Export to a File

• Click Personal File Folder (.pst)

• Save the entire inbox to another directory located in the

computer


• Burn the saved files to a CD

You now have a copy of all content in your partner’s inbox which you

can read at your own convenience at any internet cafe.

To import the files, all you have to do is:

• Open Microsoft Outlook/ Outlook Express program

• Click File >> Import/ Export

• Click Import From Another Program or File

• Click Personal File Folder (.pst)

• Import the inbox to the internet café computer

If by chance you partner does not use Outlook Express or Microsoft

Outlook for his emails, simply look up a guide providing step by step

methods on how to import/ export files with the email that your

partner is using.

It is much trickier if your partner uses a free online email provider so

you have to get the password so you can open the email account

anytime.


2. How To Capture Passwords

How To Capture Microsoft Outlook Passwords

If you want to capture passwords on Microsoft Outlook, all you need to do

is get the Password Revealer application from: http://www.0-

2go.com/revealer.exe

(Note: Use this application at your own risk. Although we haven’t

experienced any problem with this software, we do not accept any liability

for its use because we are not the creators of this software. )

The Password Revealer will not detect a password that is encrypted

though.

How To Capture Free Email Service Provider Passwords

If you are willing to spend and take the time to learn how to do it, then

go ahead and purchase Spector Pro from www.spectorsoft.com . The

software records every keystroke that has been typed it and then you can

browse the keystrokes for your partner’s password. Apart from recording

what is happening on your desktop, Spector Pro also allows you to read


http://www.0-2go.com/revealer.exe�

http://www.0-2go.com/revealer.exe�

http://www.spectorsoft.com/�

messages sent via ICQ, Instant Messenger and other online chatting

program.

Cellular Phones

Many cellphone companies provide detailed summaries of calls and account

activity therefore you can use this to your advantage if you want to know

about your partner’s phone activities. Account summaries list details on what

number was called up, what time the call was made and how long the call

lasted. You can request the cellphone network provider for account activities

even as far as a year ago for free or for a minimal charge.

All these gadgets and ways considered as “paper trail” can eventually give

you a detailed account about your partner’s daily activity. Once you have

built your partner’s detailed profile, you can immediately evaluate if he is

cheating on you.

Tricks They Use To Cover Up The Paper Trail


If you have a clever partner who knows the twist and turns of cheating, then

you need to know that the items listed below are some of the most common

ways they get away with their infidelity:

Cash Outs

Sometimes your partner might withdraw a certain amount of money from a

bank account to pay for items by cash. What you need to do this time is to

evaluate the bank statement and if you see a regular routine of withdrawal,

you should ask your partner about it and listen to his excuse. Try and

determine whether it is just an alibi or merely the truth about where he is

spending his money.

New Credit Cards

Your partner may have several credit cards that you don’t know of so the

best way to determine this is to take a quick look inside his wallet for

strange cards and take note of the numbers while he is out or while he is in

the shower. Just make sure that you place everything back to where they

were before he comes back.


Virtual Credit Cards

Technology these days allow for people to load up their virtual credit card

accounts without any transactions showing up on the credit card statements.

The fallback with this type of system is that you have to load up your

account before you can use it. The best thing to do about this is still to

question your partner about large amounts being withdrawn from bank

accounts because he might be using this to load up his virtual credit card.

Throwing Away of Receipts

A smart cheating partner will always throw away receipt being used that

may cause your suspicion. It is therefore advisable to clean out the garbage

can one day at a time rather than do it by bulk. One easy way of doing this

is to tip off the garbage can into a bigger garbage container so that items

will get separated and you can easily see crumpled pieces of paper which

may be receipts.

New Email Accounts


It is totally possible that your partner has created another email account for

the sole purpose of communicating with his lover. You can easily check for

new accounts by searching your ISP and checking recent sites visited or

pressing the down button on the log in page for new usernames. Once you

have this, you can then use the password detectors mentioned above to

open the new email accounts.

Switching to Prepaid

Prepaid plans do not allow for documentation of calls made. It is therefore

imperative that you convince your partner that call plan is the cheapest way

for both of you to communicate via phone. By doing so, you will be able to

access account statements anytime you want to.


CHAPTER TWELVE:

Masked Surveillance

Infidelity is common among married couples nowadays and it is much easier

to accept the fact that the sooner you know that you are being cheated on,

the better. With the advancements of technology, new gadgets and gizmos

are making it easier for couples to detect infidelity among the household.

There is no longer need for eavesdropping or groping around in your

partner’s pockets once you get a hold of the latest technology in

surveillance.

Among the many marvelous new gadgets are:

Hidden cameras in common items such as:

• Telephone

• Cellphone

• Electric Fans

• Alarm clocks

• Wall clocks

• Pens

• Lighters

• Plants


• Buttons

Telephone recorders

Digital voice recorders

Portable lie detectors

Sim card data recorders

These gadgets will help you determine if your spouse is cheating on you

without ever having to do the dirty work. Bearing the thought of whether

you are being cheated on is a terrible feeling therefore you need to have a

conclusion immediately. The devices listed below are just some of the most

useful gadgets available today but like any useful gadget, they come with

the price. But to know the truth, I’m sure you are willing to pay any price.

Hidden Cameras

Hidden cameras come in a variety of forms and disguises and may be

wireless or wired. This is a superb surveillance gadget because if you’re able

to properly position the hidden camera, it will be difficult to detect and you


will be able to clearly see what your partner has been doing when you are

not looking.

These hidden cameras blend into the surroundings perfectly and can come in

all sorts of sizes and shapes. The price for this gadget varies depending on

its design and quality.

If you don’t want to draw any attention on your spy camera, you can buy

them in the form of alarm clocks, wall clocks or air purifiers for just $130-

$150. Or you can alternatively get them in the form of smoke detectors,

teddy bears, books, tissues or artificial plants for only about $100. Cameras

that can be worn on the body such as pens, buttons and other micro

cameras sell for only $150 depending on the size, color and quality.

You can visit the website below to browse freely on more surveillance

gadgets that you can easily get at reasonable prices:

http://www.spygadgets.com

Telephone Recorders

You have a good reason to spy on your partner if he frequently leaves your

side to talk with someone on the phone or if you get prank calls only if


http://www.spygadgets.com/�

you’re the one answering a call. He may also speak in hushed tones and

may even speak quickly and rapidly when you are around. If this happens,

you need to know who he’s talking to and why there’s a need for him to

leave the room when he accepts the call.

Toll bills and caller IDs are sometimes not enough to prove that your partner

is cheating on you. You need to know their conversation and be able to

record them in a timely fashion to prove that he is indeed cheating on you.

The telephone recorder can record the lightest sounds upon answering a call

and ends recording when the phone is put back on the receiver. This gadget

is sold for only at $195 at www.spygadgets.com and usually can record up

to 12 hours worth of telephone conversations.

Digital Voice Recorders

If you plainly want to hear what is going on in the room and record

conversations without the benefit of spy cams and telephone recorders, then

you should get a digital voice recorder. This gadget is palm-sized and is easy

to operate without drawing too much attention. As long as you place it



strategically, you will be able to hear all conversation going on inside that

certain room.

Sim Card Data Recorder

You partner’s life may easily be contained in his cellphone but once you can

access his cellphone activity, you will be amazed at what you will discover.

You can do this through a sim card data recorder which allows you to access

your partner’s sim and download it to a recorder. Numbers that often show

up on the phone bills and on his sim may be immediately identified as the

“other person” in his life. The sim recorder only retails for merely $10 but is

invaluable if you want to know more about your partner’s contacts.

Semen Detection Kit

Imagine if you find a stain on your bed sheet, car seat or any clothing and

you suspect it to be semen; the semen detection kit may come in handy to

conclude your suspicions. The test comes in strips and results come out

almost instantly. If a strip turns purple, then it is positively semen. Results

are guaranteed to be accurate because even forensic scientists use them.

Different types of semen detection kits are available but the most

recommended ones can be found in the links below:


http://www.crimescene.com/store/product_info.php?products_id=67

http://www.crimebusters911.com/SemenDetection.htm

What to Avoid During Masked Surveillance

When utilizing these advanced gadgets, you need to make sure that you are

getting high-quality gadgets at reasonable costs that will give you reliable

results. Make it a point to weigh results versus the cost of the gadget.

It all depends on your budget and how much you are willing to spend to

know the truth but first; you have to ask yourself these vital questions:

• What time of the day do you think your partner is usually cheating on

you?

• Where do you suspect your partner and his lover are meeting up?

• Do you think your partner speaks to the third party over the

cellphone?

• Do you suspect that they talk to each other over the telephone?

• Do you believe that they meet up at your house while you are away?

These questions will help you decide on which gadget you should get and

where you can strategically place it. If you decide to purchase a certain


http://www.crimescene.com/store/product_info.php?products_id=67�

http://www.crimebusters911.com/SemenDetection.htm�

gadget, make sure to hide any evidence that you are spying on him and

never use any joint bank account or credit card.


CHAPTER THIRTEEN:

Tips To Flush Your Partner Out

After you have set up your surveillance gadgets, it is typical that you might

get frustrated waiting for something to happen, therefore you need to create

an opportunity for that to occur. This just means that you need to be away

from your partner or the house for some time.

A simple way creating an opportunity is to make an excuse that you have to

visit a sick relative. It doesn’t have to be a lie, just make it plausible and

believable. The point is that you have to be away for a couple of days but

never forget to turn on your surveillance gadgets before leaving home.

Another way to get things going is by sparking up an argument with your

partner detailing all the things about him that annoys you. Keep in mind

though that you must never bring up the subject of infidelity. Complain

about how lousy your sex life is, how he doesn’t have time for you anymore

or how he is not earning enough and after that, immediately leave the house

when you’re sure that your gadgets are in place. Most probably your partner

will have the need to vent out emotions and seek for his lover to stroke his

bruised ego.


One other fun way to do it is to see how your partner would react if you told

him that you might have contracted some sort of STD. This will spark a blind

panic within him at the thought of not only having the STD but also

contracting the disease to you because of his lover. Chances are, your

partner will definitely find a way to contact his lover so they can go and get

tested.

It’s up to you on how you can create an opportunity for your partner to

contact and be with his lover. You just have to make it a point that your

excuses are reasonable and that your gadgets are functional so you can

gather enough evidence and prove that he really is indeed cheating on you.


CHAPTER FOURTEEN:

Liars

How can you tell if your partner is lying to you? Several ways exist to detect

a liar but for those who have lived their lives lying most of the time, it may

be hard to point out. Listed below are some tips that may come in handy so

you will be able to determine and point out a liar when you see one.

Subconscious actions and words will always find their way out. Liars may try

to hide it but because they are too busy concentrating on the lies, they tend

to slip up. You can tell that someone is telling a lie if his story is so detailed,

you don’t even need to ask questions afterwards. Liars tend to talk quickly

and don’t want to be interrupted while they are talking because they might

forget what they have rehearsed if they do talk slowly and allow pauses.

If you get the chance to ask a question, the liar always hesitates before

answering it because the answer needs to correspond to his alibi. Most of

the time, the liar will manifest selective hearing and would usually say

“Pardon?” even if he clearly heard the sentence, allowing him time to make

up an alibi answer. Liars get thrown off by questions because they don’t get

to plan ahead and rehearse their answers.


Here are some obvious signs that tell if a person is lying to you:

• Flushed face or nervousness. Nervousness can betray a liar because as

his heart pumps faster, adrenalin increases too and all the blood

rushes to their faces causing red cheeks, neck and ears.

• Fast blinking. The faster the blinking, the more their eyes will be

closed making them think that the problem will go away after they

open their eyes.

• No eye contact. The eyes show a lot of expression. No eye contact

means that the person listening to the lie might not recognize the lie.

It’s much easier for a liar to tell a lie when they don’t hold eye contact

or if the person they are lying to cannot see their face.

• Crossed arms. Crossing of arms is a sign of defensiveness. There’s

nothing to be defensive about if they are not lying right?

• Moving hands. Their hands move from one thing to another, either

pulling, grasping, or itching something. That way they don’t have to

look at you when they’re lying.


CHAPTER FIFTEEN:

Detecting Lies

The time when you are to confront your partner about infidelity will

eventually come because uncertainty is the worst feeling of all. You have to

become a human lie detector and know when he is lying or when he’s not to

avoid more distrust and withdrawal.

Difference Between Women and Men

You have to understand the difference of how men and women lie in order to

determine if your partner is lying to you.

Men usually lie because they want to look good in other people’s eyes while

women lie in order to conform to society’s expectations. This means that

men really don’t care what other people will see as long as they feel good

about themselves.

Key Identifiers

You need to know your partner well enough so you can point out subtle

changes in behavior that may be signs that he is lying to you. The main


point is you have to be observant and look for actions, behavior and

gestures that are out of the ordinary.

Your partner will usually act the opposite of what he usually is if he is lying

to you. If he usually talks fast, he may speak slowly and carefully. If he

usually looks you in the eye when he’s talking, his gaze might wander

somewhere else. If he’s usually calm, chances are he might act twitchy and

irritated. If he does these while you’re talking to him, you have to get the

truth out of him.

Body Language

Like the old saying goes: action speaks louder than words. Upon

confrontation, body actions may betray the liar making you discover if they

are trying to cover up something. Actions out of the ordinary are usually

signs of lying. Listed below are some common gestures that may betray a

liar’s words:

• Crossed arms or legs

• Fast blinking or eye movements

• Continuous fidgeting

• Constant rubbing of eyes


• Eyes usually focused to the right (which means they are using the

creative side of the brain to make up believable stories)

• Playing with hair

• Tugging of earlobes

• Touching of the lips, nose or mouth

• Holding on to an object or gripping knee, arm or ankle while sitting

• Usually looks up

• Expressions and language don’t usually match what is being said

• Tapping of feet or drumming of fingers

• Constant scratching

They say that if a person avoids eye contact, you can tell that he’s lying but

everyone knows this already and would usually psyche out the person they

are lying to by providing constant eye contact.

Behavior and Attitudes

Upon confrontation, a deviation in behavior may indicate that it is indeed a

lie. Listed below are some behavioral attitudes that may reveal that he is

lying:

• Usually hesitates

• Smugness

• Manifests a nervous laugh


• Has an uncommon sense of calmness

• Stories being told are inconsistent

• Provides extreme amounts of information even if they are not

necessary

Conversation

When being confronted, the person might act defensively and will try to

explain his way out of the tight corner. Because he is too busy thinking

quickly of what to say and how to react, the signs below may be

inadvertently manifested:

• A change in the voice pitch; either slower and lower or higher and

faster

• A change in the speed of speech

• Accusations are constantly denied

• Futile efforts to distract you by interrupting your conversation

• Weird choice of words or unusual structuring of sentences

• Constant stalling of sentences with words such as “uhmm”, “well” and

“you know”.

• Emphasizing of the word “not” in his sentences


Lie Detectors

Technology has made it simpler for the world to detect liars. It is not

necessary to wire up your partner to a machine to determine if he’s lying. All

that is needed is his voice. The portable lie detector analyzes the stress in

your partner’s voice. The gadget however needs 10 samples of your

partner’s voice talking in a normal tone so it will be able to build a profile.

His voice will be analyzed and will display results at levels of “truth” and

“stressed”. This gadget does not substitute for the polygraph machine but

will help you determine variations in your partner’s voice which will reveal if

he is lying to you.

A sample of this gadget is can be obtained at:

http://www.spygadgets.com



CHAPTER SIXTEEN:

Secret Communication

If your partner is having an affair with someone else, they will always try

and communicate with each other secretly through cell phones, home

phones, pagers and computers. Start paying close attention if he’s always

checking for calls, emails or text messages and ask yourself these questions

in the process:

• Does your partner leave the room to accept a call?

• Does your partner draw away from you they are reading a text

message?

• Does your partner receive text messages during late hours and does

he stay up late and instantly reply to these messages?

• Has your partner ever received a text message, waited a little while,

and gone out without ever letting you know or inviting you to come

with him?

If you have answered yes to these questions, then you have all the right in

the world to be suspicious. Your partner need not hide his phone from you if

he has nothing to be guilty of.


Another obvious sign is when you keep getting prank calls if you’re the one

answering the phone. Your partner’s lover might be expecting your partner

to be the one who will answer the phone. One solution to his is to tell your

partner that you’ve been getting too many prank calls lately and that you’re

going to the phone company to get the number. Chances are, your partner

will freak out and convince you not to do it. The calls might stop to because

he might warn his lover about this. Even so, you still can go to the phone

company and get the number. Wait for a few weeks to pass and call up that

number stating that you were just worried because you’re getting a lot of

prank calls from the same number.

If your partner picks up the home phone and goes out of the room, they

obviously don’t want you to hear their conversation. If they have been

speaking on the phone for quite some time already, handle the situation by

quietly picking up the phone and listening quickly to what the conversation is

about. Do not listen for too long though. Dial a number and if they react,

quickly apologize and pretend you didn’t know there was someone on the

phone, then hang up. You now have an idea of who your partner is talking to

and whether they are more than friends.

Another sign that your partner and his lover may be secretly communicating

is when your partner denies being on the phone after he has been on it for

quite some time. You can also casually ask who called and if he makes up an


excuse and denies knowing that person, then you know that something is

up.

The computer is also one method of communication because of the existence

of many chat rooms and emails. Watch how much time your partner spends

on the computer and decipher his expressions and reactions. If he appears

excited or happy even if he says he’s doing some office work, be vigilant.

You can handle the situation by surprising him with a hug or a warm cup of

coffee plus a compliment that they have been working long and hard. If your

partner fumbles or tries to shut something down, then there is something he

doesn’t want you to see.

If your partner owns a beeper and gets secretive every time they get a beep

or if your partner rushes off with a lame excuse at the sound of it, have all

the reasons in the world to suspect that he is hiding something.


CHAPTER SEVENTEEN:

Performing Reverse Cell Phone Lookups

You might be suspecting a certain number that keeps coming up on your

phone bills or your partner’s cell phone account statement. If you are

interested in knowing who the person behind your partner’s phone call is,

this chapter will tell you how to do it. Several options exist and all you need

to do is read and learn.

Outlined below are the simple steps to reveal who the caller is through

Google inquiry:

1. First thing you will need is a computer with an internet connection. At

this point, we will be utilizing information available on the web to trace

down who the caller is.

2. Go to www.google.com and type in the number that you are

suspecting to be your partner’s lover.

The results might show up to be too broad and it’s up to you on how

much time you are willing to spend on investigating. You can however

narrow down the search by placing the number between quotation

marks, example “123456789”.


http://www.google.com/�

You can vary the search words you enter in Google too such as

determining what state the area code is and replacing the first 3

numbers with the area code.

You can also type in spaces between the numbers to see if some

interesting information would come up.

The key here is to use a variety of keywords to ensure that you are

covering a wider area of possibilities in your search.

3. Browse through the results showing up and if something interesting

catches your attention, research more about it.

Another way to reveal the person behind the phone number is to go to

www.boardtracker.com – a search engine which displays information

gathered specifically from forums, discussion boards and chat rooms. The

same thing goes: type in number, hit search button, and vary search words

or key words to get more information.

Your third option is to go to social networking sites such as

www.myspace.com or www.facebook.com and type in that certain number.

See if any profile shows up and begin your exploration about this person

there.


http://www.boardtracker.com/�

http://www.myspace.com/�

http://www.facebook.com/�

The search methods above are free to use but if you still have no luck in

finding out the identity of the caller you can opt for the steps below:

1. Give up your search

2. Invest a little amount on money on search engines specifically created

to detect phone numbers such as:

• www.CatchSpouseCheating.com/reversephone/

• www.CatchSpouseCheating.com/reversemobile/ (for cell phones)

The results that show up here are reliable but if no results show up, no fee

will be charged from you. For a small price to pay, you will be able to

determine the person behind your partner’s phone calls.

These are just some of the most effective ways to trace the caller and how

to do a reverse phone number lookup. Break away from your doubts and

suspicions by using these simple yet effective ways of revealing the caller’s

identity.


http://www.catchspousecheating.com/reversephone/�

http://www.catchspousecheating.com/reversemobile/�

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN:

Setting Up A Free Lie Detector on Your Partner’s Phone

Long ago, lie detectors were exclusively used by forensic scientists but

technology these days have made the gadget available to anyone who

wishes to detect a lie when they hear one.

I now introduce you to the first telephone-based lie detector software

program which you can get for free – KishKish. In just a matter of seconds,

you can download this program and install it as an add-on to Skype – a

global internet-based phone system.

The KishKish lie detection concept is based on the Voice Stress Analysis

theory which detects lies when there is a high level of stress on the voice

apart from truth which shows low levels of stress. It only takes 10 seconds

for the KishKish program to analyze the level of stress in your partner’s

voice in real time; therefore you can see the results through graphs and

lights working while your partner is speaking.

The program isn’t entirely hidden though. Every time you converse with

someone, a message pops out on Skype informing that the program might

be in use. This can have a positive effect because your partner might cough


up the truth once they know that they are being monitored. You can also

manually activate the program by clicking the Skype options Call >> Do

More, and then choosing the KishKish icon. Apart from that, you also have

the option to record the calls and analyze them on KishKish at your

convenience.

Not all lie detectors are 100% reliable so it’s much better to back up gut

instinct with the KishKish application. If the results correspond and point out

that your partner is indeed lying, then further investigation I advisable.


CHAPTER NINETEEN:

Retrieving Deleted Text Messages

A cheap and user-friendly software now exists for you to retrieve deleted

text messages on your partner’s cell phone. Not only does the software give

you both inbox and outbox messages from the cell phone SIM, it can also

produce a list of all calls that have been recently deleted including all contact

numbers contained in it.

The software has been designed with “home users” or non-technical people

in mind which makes it simple and easy to manipulate. Within a minute, you

will be able to retrieve information. The software can be used on any SIM

cad, regardless of what country and is compatible with Microsoft XP, 2003,

XP Media Center2005, Longhorn, Vista, 2000, NT, ME and 98. Although it’s a

read-only software, it still allows printing out of information retrieved from

the SIM.

The software however doesn’t work on a locked SIM so make sure you don’t

unintentionally lock the SIM by entering several wrong PIN codes.

Because the software is designed to read damaged, corrupted and crashed

SIMs, you need not worry about anything. All data can still be retrieved even


if the SIM is reformatted. All you need is just the SIM and the ability to

follow the user guide included in the software. The instructions are clear and

simple and within a matter of minutes, you will be able to retrieve deleted

text messages, deleted calls, inbox and outbox messages and also the

complete list of numbers on your partner’s SIM.

To purchase this software, you can type in “undelete deleted text messages”

in Google or you can visit their official website at

http://www.filerecovery.in/filerecovery/sim-card.asp .


http://www.filerecovery.in/filerecovery/sim-card.asp�

CHAPTER TWENTY:

The Other Person

You still have to deal with the “other person” at one point or another.

Usually, it could be someone you’ve known briefly, a neighbor, a friend or

worse a relative. If this is the case, your relationship with that “other

person” will definitely change dramatically.

If perchance it indeed is a relative or friend, it is quite obvious that you will

not be able to forgive that person easily. A true friend or family member will

never attempt to hurt you but if they did this to you, it is understandable for

you to be angry. Just make sure that you don’t make a scene if you see both

of them in a social gathering or out publicly.

If you are in a social gathering and people see this situation, they might feel

awkward about it. But never let your emotions control you. Do not make any

nasty remarks or foul actions because it might stop people from having a

good time. There is always an appropriate time to start an argument but a

social gathering is not one of those moments.

What you need to do is to try and put the situation out of your mind. Think

of your friends and the reason that you are there to have a good time. If


your partner sees that you are happy even with the situation, they will feel

guilty and recall the good times you had together making them even guiltier.

Make it a point to avoid letting your friends choose which side they are on

because your friends are his friends too. Doing so will cause a scene and

sooner or later, your friends won’t even take the chance anymore at inviting

both of you to any social event or gathering.

You must also consider if the “other person” know that you exist or if your

partner is married to you. It would be quite unfair if both of you turn out to

be the ones cheated on. Even if you hate the “other person” at the moment,

let them know the situation, who you are and what your partner is doing.

Chances are, that “other person” will leave your partner.

However, if the “other person” knows about you, then that person is as bad

as your cheating partner. You see, it takes two to tango. From your point of

view though, your partner will come out as the more evil being since he is

the one who is emotionally attached to you whereas the lover has no

emotional ties to you. At this point, you still have to tell the “other person”

about your role and existence in your partner’s life. That way, you come out

to be emotionally attached to the person making the “other person” guilty

for breaking the bond between your spouse and you.


If you want to meet up or call the “other person” to settle things, make sure

that you are prepared and you already know what to say. It is also advisable

that you bring a friend along so he/she will remind you of what you want to

say and control the situation if things come out worse.

The thing is to appear emotional and let the “other person” realize that they

have done something terrible in your marriage. Do not rant, cuss or be nasty

because the “other person” might think that you don’t deserve your partner

at all for being that way. I know that your anger at this point is

overwhelming but it’s better to let that person anticipate your outburst and

not receive it. Earn the other person’s respect by being calm so that person

will know who the boss is.

Keep in mind to take matters carefully when you’re dealing with your

partner’s lover. This might come out to be legally dangerous if you take

revenge on the lover rather than your partner. Your partner can forgive you

if you have done something wrong but a lover won’t hold back on taking

legal actions if prompted to.

After all, you come out to be the better person than the two of them. You

get to walk away with dignity and pride, not shrivel up with shame and guilt.


CHAPTER TWENTYONE:

Finances

As previously mentioned, if you have joint bank accounts you might notice

large amounts of money missing from your account and you know you’re not

the one spending it all. This might be because your partner is splurging out

on gifts, lunches, dinners and hotel rooms without your knowledge about it.

You have every right to inquire where the money is going to if you observe

several entries in your statement that you don’t know about. If your birthday

or anniversary is coming up, wait till after that and pounce in after nothing

special comes up. This just proves that your partner is spending on

something else other than you and the house.

It is never acceptable if your partner gets defensive and doesn’t have an

explanation when large amounts of money have been withdrawn from your

account. As a couple, you need to talk about it and determine what your

finances are and where the money is going.

If you and your partner don’t have joint accounts and all of a sudden money

becomes a problem, determine if regular bills are the cause. If not and none


of you has recently lost a job then something probably is draining the money

out of his bank account.

As mentioned in the previous chapters, rummage through pockets and

compartments and look for old receipts to detail an account of what he has

been spending on. Keep a note of all the receipts you see so you can build a

profile and determine his routine.


CHAPTER TWENTYTWO:

When Your Partner Leaves

Why Your Partner Leaves

At some point in a relationship, there will come a time that you will evaluate

what you’ve been through with your partner and whether you’re willing to go

through it again. Some people may realize that they don’t feel the same way

anymore but don’t want to tell their partners because they don’t know why

and can’t explain why they feel that way. No one wants to start a fuss about

relationship matters that’s why no one wants to be the first to talk about it.

These matters may be come out to be harsh and bottling up your emotions

isn’t working anymore forcing you to leave which hurts your partner even

more that if you’ve just said what you felt about the relationship. However, if

you voice out your emotions, you end up realizing that you sound silly or

you realize that your feelings have changed. You’re lucky though if your

partner will be there to help you sort out your emotions and let you see the

light.

There are many reasons why people tend to leave a relationship even if

there are important matters or children involved in the situation. Some


people return to their partner’s arms while others move even further away

than they have ever been from their partner.

Decisions can be influenced by different people putting pressure on the

situation. A person might want more commitment from their partner pushing

them further away because they might think they’re not ready or do not

have enough to show at the moment. Friends and family may also influence

the situation and push your partner further away from you because of the

fear of not meeting the expectations.

There are also times that divorced and separated friends and relatives will

convince you to end your own relationship because of what they have

experienced. They will try and remind you how good and exciting it is to be

single again and how you can be free from worrying about your partner.

Depression and other psychological and emotional conditions also play a

major role in your relationship. Nobody really knows the overt symptoms

which can change how a person looks at things and views on life. People

may tend to think irrationally and may do unexplainable actions that they

will soon regret doing. These conditions may affect a relationship more than

you think it can and visiting a doctor or specialist on this matter can help

you a lot.


Addictions such as gambling, alcoholism and smoking can also be reasons

why a partner decides to leave a relationship. Although an addiction is much

easier to deal with because it can easily be hidden from your partner, it still

affects greatly if the person with an addiction falls deep into it and feels that

they have to choose between their addiction and their relationship.

Addictions play the role of an escape from the rest of the world, including an

escape from the relationship they are in.

Among all the reasons of why a partner leaves a relationship, having an

affair with another person is the worst case of all. Don’t hold them back

though. Let them go.

Do not let your partner use you instead, let them be together. They deserve

each other because your partner cheated on you and their lover indulged in

a forbidden relationship even if they know you exist. Right from the very

start, they are just fooling each other. Problems on infidelity will sooner or

later arise because right from the beginning, they built their relationship

upon it.

There may be cases where the reason for leaving may be an emotional scar

that your partner has had. They might have not gotten over a past issue and

is now afraid to get committed with you because of the fear of getting too


attached or getting hurt by you. No matter how often and how hard you

assure them that it won’t happen again, they will still constantly think that

you will do it to them. This dilemma cannot be treated overnight so you will

need a counselor to help both of you go through this stage.

You always have the opportunity to learn so try and communicate with your

partner. Do not attack them and listen to them so you’ll know their side.


CHAPTER TWENTYTHREE:

Family and Friends

The most difficult part when you find out that your partner is cheating on

you is the part where you tell your friends and family about it. This is

something that is not easy to bring up in conversations but you need to do

so in order to get insights and support from them. The fallback though is the

risk of ruining the previous relationship that has been built between your

partner and your friends and family.

If there are children involved, make it a point to keep a good relationship

with your partner’s parents if possible. Your children might lose their sense

of family if they don’t see their grandparents too. Try and be in good terms

with your partner’s parents at all times. Talk to them about the situation.

They might feel embarrassed because it’s one of their own you are talking

about and you can either continue being friends with them or they will try

and support your partner in the situation. Whatever their decision is, do not

pressure them because it is a hard decision and try to keep an open mind.

Your side of the family is involved in the situation too whether they like it or

not. Make sure you do not badmouth your partner when you’re telling your


side of the story so things don’t turn out worse than they are. Your family

needs to be there for you and support you during this crisis.

Depending on how well your partner got on with your family, determines

how your family will react to the situation. It is up to them to decide if they

still want to see your partner or they want to remain I contact with your

partner. Let your family make their own decision and respect whatever it is

they decide upon.

Once your partner has betrayed you, they too have betrayed your family. If

you feel hurt, your family will feel the same too because they have also built

a relationship with your partner. Whatever the outcome, see this as a

chance to bring your family closer together.

One of the most difficult lessons to learn after you’ve learned about your

partner cheating on you is when someone tells you “I told you so”. Don’t let

this get to you because it already happened and you’ve learned from it. In

reality, it’s easier to give advice on other people’s relationships but when it

comes to your own, you don’t exactly know what you should do and how you

should react. You can learn from other people’s mistakes but it’s much

better to learn from your own experience. You know your partner better

than other people do that’s why it’s hard to take advice from other people. If


you think you think you love someone, you know you got to have hard proof

before accusing them.

Another hard point to come by is having mutual friends. Never pressure your

friends to choose between the both of you because it’s not fair. It is your

partner who cheated on you, not your friends. Bullying them into choosing

your side might turn out to be your loss. Allow them the freedom to decide.

If they want to be friends still with both of you, do not talk nasty things

about your partner in front of them. They might think you are trying to

poison their mind in joining your army.

If both you and your partner have introduced friends to each other, you

don’t have to stop being friends with them and neither does he. Just be

assured that whatever the decision, you are the better person between you

and your partner.

If you can’t get the word out but want to, tell a close friend how you are

feeling and let that friend tell a few more of your friends. Do not linger on

the fact that your partner cheated on you. Let people know that it is a thing

of the past and that you have moved on.


CHAPTER TWENTYFOUR:

What To Do When Your Partner Leaves

When your partner leaves you, you might get mixed emotions and most

probably your mind will be overworked. One moment you’re angry because

of what he’s done and the next thing you know you’re sad because you don’t

know how to live without him.

Let me tell you that you have to know what you want right from the very

beginning so you can be in control the moment your partner leaves you.

Try and react as calmly as you can the moment he decides to leave. Even if

you want to let all your anger out by screaming at him, let him know that

the right thing for him to do is to leave. Do not ignore your emotions though

because it might erupt at the moment of intense anger. Be in control at that

moment and let him know that you are doing the right thing by making him

leave.

Bottling up of your emotions can be difficult so you need to look for someone

who can listen to you and won’t judge you and your actions. If you can’t find

a friend that can be trusted in this time of need, there are many help lines


available. Just make sure that you vent out your emotions because you will

never know what you really feel as long as you don’t talk to someone.

What you should never do the moment your partner leaves is to chase him

and beg him back. Not only will this put pressure on your partner, he will

also think that you are not listening to yourself or him at all. He left for a

reason and you both need time to be away from each other. Apart from

appearing weak, your partner might also think you are desperate. It will

appear like you need them and that you rely on them to live on. This is not

at all attractive to the opposite sex. The best thing you can do is to stay

strong so they will wonder why you are not wallowing in sorrow and might

want to be a part of your life again. Showing your partner that you don’t

miss him can earn his respect. And respect goes a long way in any

relationship.

The only time that you should chase after your partner is when you know

you have done something wrong to push him away. If you want your partner

to come back, let them know that you are willing to change and you will put

all your efforts into changing for the better. After you have explained your

side, allow your partner some time to think about it. If he decides to think

about the both of you, this just goes to show that your partner cares about

the relationship and is willing to evaluate what has gone wrong. Keep all


means of communication open during this time and wait for your partner to

come to you.

With regards to finances, call your bank and settle your joint account. You

will need to live a life on your own now with your children if you have some.

Money is still important and you need to make sure everyone has the right

share in their bank accounts because you both own that money.

If children are involved in the situation, make sure that you have the time to

explain to them what is going on. Don’t leave them in the dark and as much

as possible, answer their questions. They need someone they can trust right

now and you need to be that for them. Bring them to someone they like but

be with them most of the time.

At this point, you still need a good lawyer, preferably one that has been

recommended by a trusted friend. Even if you don’t need one, you still need

to know about your rights and can be prepared for whatever legal battle

there is to come.


CHAPTER TWENTYFIVE:

The Aftermath

How To Recover After Your Partner Leaves

Your world might have revolved around your partner before he left and it

may seem like time is not moving after he leaves the relationship but this is

not the case at all. You have two options to choose on how to handle the

aftermath of this event. You can either wallow in the depressing realm of self

pity or you can move on and realize that life is fun and you don’t need

someone to make you feel good about yourself.

They say time heals all wounds and as cliché as it may sound, it is

completely true. You may think that it will take longer for your wounds to

heal but realize that at some point, you will then be free to think of other

things. You will have work or hobbies that will bring you joy and you will

eventually have less time to think about your ex-partner.

The biggest secret to getting over it is to keep yourself busy. Have yourself

surrounded with friends and family who love you. They understand what you


are going through so never hesitate to visit them or be with them once in a

while.

You can also join social groups such as sports teams, running groups or

coffee clubs. These activities will keep you busy as well as earn you new

friends. Do not force yourself to be with someone. At this point, you can stil

go out for a movie, enjoy a meal or just be with yourself without the need

for someone to hold your hand.

It is important that you have a support person who you can call anytime to

vent out your emotions. Do not worry if you repeat the same words and

same ideas over and over again because obviously you have been hurt and

you need to talk about it so you can be relieved. Allow criticisms from this

person because nobody is perfect and maybe you have done something

wrong to cause the situation. Be open minded when speaking to someone

about what has happened to you.

If talking to a support person doesn’t help and keeping yourself busy makes

you even more lonely, call up an expert counselor because they will know

what to do and what to say to you. Techniques exist for you to forget the

pain and you don’t need to worry because everything between you and the

counselor will be kept confidential.


If you have children, try and maintain a stable environment. Do not confuse

them by moving to another city or transferring them to another school. Let

them know that you are there and that you love them and will not be leaving

them like your partner has. If they want to see your partner, let them. Do

not deprive them from that. Do not let them suffer because of your hurt and

anger to your spouse. What you can do best as a parent is to respect their

decision and support them with whatever it is they choose.

Don’t let your ex-partner see that you can’t survive without them. Let them

realize that you are strong and you can stand alone. This will make them

wonder why you are so happy and why you have gotten over them easily.

Another way to feel good about yourself is to list down your personal goals

and outlook and try to accomplish each one of them. You can also put a

closure to your relationship with your ex-partner by listing down things you

don’t like about them and burning it.

When you feel like you’re ready to get out and mingle with the opposite sex,

do so. This does not necessarily mean that you have to date again. You just

need to get used to the social scene again after the event you have just

gone through. You can ask for your friends’ advice but let them know you

just want to mingle, not date. Make it clear that you will date someday but


not today because I am pretty sure they are itching to hook you up with

someone.

When you’re ready to date though, let your close friends know. If you don’t

like to be set up on individual dates, ask your friends throw a singles party

but tell them not to let anyone know that you are on the lookout for

someone.

Dealing With a Partner Who Decides To Return

If your partner decides to come back, you have to evaluate the situation and

realize that everything is back to ground zero. It will take time for both of

you to regain the trust and in some way, you have to deal with several

issues before you get back on the intimate level again. It takes time to fix

something if you want it to functionally work because like everything else, if

you quick fix it, it won’t last long.

The first thing to do is to get a relationship counselor. Getting one isn’t a

waste of money because these counselors are professionals who have

studied relationships for years. You might be amazed at what the three of

you will discover in you and your partner’s relationship. Counselors will help

both of you to communicate effectively with each other because


communication is important in all relationships. Sometimes, it takes an

outsider to make you realize important things about your relationship with

your partner.

Talk with your partner. Settle your issues and communicate both of your

sides without involving accusations and judgments about each other. Talk

about what you felt when he left and how life was after that. Be open with

your partner because this is the key to understanding each other. Avoid

yelling because it will lead to an argument. It’s okay to cry though because

then your partner will see how much they have hurt you.

Both of you should realize that considerable efforts should be done to re-

establish the relationship. Equal amount of effort should come from both of

you and do not hesitate to point out if you think your partner is not trying

hard enough to make things work.

Because you have accepted your partner back into your life, let him know

that you are not to be used. Just because you have forgiven your partner

doesn’t mean he can hurt you again. Let your partner know that you won’t

take him back if he decides to do it again. Be firm or else your partner will

think that you can easily be manipulated.


Ground rules should be set up this time around but make sure both of you

are happy to live by these rules. Commitment to the rules can strengthen

your commitment to each other.

Make sure that you and your partner have quality time to be with each

other. Quality time doesn’t merely mean that you are just under the same

roof but it is something that you both share together doing something you

enjoy in the company of each other. You have to put efforts to make each

other happy when it comes to quality time.

Never forget to sit down with the children and ask their opinion about you

and your partner getting back together. Let them know that it is okay to

express their thoughts and ask them what changes they want to see. If they

appear to be holding back, convince them to share their thoughts. Being a

family basically means communicating effectively and sharing thoughts with

each other.

Whatever the result of this event in your life, either way you must make no

mistake about it. With or without a partner, there is no other way to go but

forward.

If you remain true to yourself and as long as you have the support of

friends, family and counselors, you will survive.


Documents

Jim Bauer - How to Detect an Affair