lssue 73/Tishrei 5775

Turning the Page

How Does the Doctor Decide?

Identity Crisis

Nurturing Your Nature

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Looking Beyond the Pain

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views of A TIME. Please address all correspondence to:

A TIME 1310 48th Street, Suite 406, Brooklyn, NY 11219 or email: magazine@atime.org

A TIME, a non-profit organization that supports and educates those in the Jewish community experiencing infertility, publishes this

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Table of Content

A TIME was founded in memory of:ר׳ ירמי׳ ב״ר אהרן ע״ה • ר׳ מרדכי ע״ה ב״ר אפרים רוזן נ״י

EditorialLetter from the Editor 4Mailbox 6Timeline 8

ChizukOne Year 10Hold On The Line 12Turning the Page 18Empowered 20With What’s Left 22When Faced with Adversity 24Shattered Art 26

Chizuk from WithinIdentity Crisis 30Journey of Purpose 32Snippets 36Stars in the Night 40Fertile Faith 42At a Moment 46

SupportNurturing Your Nature 48Bringing Color 52

Shabbaton CoverageHighlights 54

MedicalTreating Uterine Causes of Recurrent IVF Failure 60How Does the Doctor Decide? 64Top Ten Facts About Metformin and PCOS 66Skipping meals 68

HumorDon’t Cry Over Spilled Wine 70Who Woudda Thunk? 72Photo Contest 75

ForumsAnyone Got Married Later 76Been Through the Wringer 83

Yiddish Section 88-110

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Dear Readers,Court cases and judgment are associated with

solemnity, with black judicial robes, with a verdict being handed down to the echo of an unrelenting bang of a gavel. There’s a severity and moroseness that judgment invokes, and it leaves us shuddering like not many experiences do.

But our Day of Judgment is a contrast to this dismalness in so many ways. As our lives and destiny hang in the balance, while we definitely are somber and fearful, we don bigdei Shabbos, our finest festive clothes. We wine and we dine and celebrate this day that is a Yom Tov for us.

When the Yidden returned from Bavel, on the first Rosh Hashana, Ezra Hasofer gathered them and read the Torah to them. Upon taking stock of how much they had transgressed her, the Yidden began to wail and to cry. They lamented all they had sinned and were so fearful of how they would be punished. Ezra instructed them (Nechemya: 8: 10) “Lichu ichlu mashamanim ushtu mamtakim v’shilchu manus l’ain nachon lo;” Go home and partake of delicacies, drink sweet beverages, and send foodstuffs to those who have not prepared any. “Ki kadosh hayom l’Adonainu;” Because today is holiday; a Yom Tov. “Al tayotzvainu;” You shall not be depressed. “Ki chedvas Hashem hee mauzchem;” Because rejoicing in Hashem (in His Yom Tov) is your strength.

Letter from the editor By rejoicing on this day ordained as a Yom Tov, we can draw strength and have confidence that a year of good is to follow.

The Tur brings that the word shofar-שופר- is an acronym for שופר ואין פגע רע. By ordaining Hakadosh Baruch Hu as our King, by being mamlich Hashem, we weaken the prosecutors and thwart their efforts.

The Birchas Avraham of Slonim comments on the above, that shofar is also an acronym for שמח ואין פגע רע, the prosecution has no place in the face of joy; when we rejoice in the Yom Tov, confident in a yeshuah and a sweet year to come, it leaves no room for a negative decree.

Rosh Hashana teaches us this concept of borrowing from the future; of celebrating the good that’s to come and to use the power of a better tomorrow to transcend the sorrow of today.

We, as a nation, have always borrowed from the future. In the most difficult of times, in the gas chambers, during times of persecution, we sing “ani maamin;” thoughts of redemption are what give us the endurance. They bring hope to our hearts when the circumstances we are in look so bleak.

In this auspicious time when so much hangs in the balance, tap into the message of these days. We were blessed with a power of imagination for exactly this purpose: To lift ourselves above the present and anticipate a better future. This is a tremendous tool for transcending suffering.

When today looks so hopeless and morose; it doesn’t look like things will change, like things can change, we can only look on toward better days. Often it’s so hard to be positive and radiate joy, especially in this difficult month when the fact that time is moving on is so underscored, during which our childlessness is so highlighted in every aspect, in shul and in the shops, at davening and at dancing.

The secret is to find reasons to rejoice, and use the promise of a better tomorrow to be happy today; to borrow from yeshuas that are to come; to look toward nachama; to know that today’s hardships are shaping the way for a better future, for eternal rewards, and for what really matters from a Divine perspective.

Wishing you a year, and a future, bright with promise.

א גוט געבענטשט יארThe Editors

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Editorial

Dear ATIME,I recently went through an IVF cycle and I had to go to the city for blood work on Shabbos. My doctor told me to call you and see what you could do after

my first phone call I was so happy and relieved that you were able to send someone to draw the blood at my house in New Jersey! I know it wasn’t the normal route but I was so grateful for all the help you’ve given me. You put me at ease which is what I needed. I hope it works. I know this isn’t much but it’s what we can give right now, I hope it can help someone else in my shoes! 

F.G.

  

Dear ATIME,I don’t know if you remember us from the Uk Shab-baton, but still wanted to share that b”h b”h Chas-day Hashem, we have good news!!

We were in such a down matzav before coming to the Shab-baton, and weren’t interested in starting any new treatments and planned a break for a year. But after the beautiful and amazing and uplifting Shabbaton, it gave us such a boost, that we gave it another try right before Pesach and against all odds and a not such optimistic doctors, the cycle was a success!!

Thank you for serving as a platform and much more, for chizuk and friends during these difficult years!!

Hope all our A TIME family will join us soon!!

All the best and May H’ give you the Koiches to continue helping Klal Yisroel!!

S. & S.

Dear ATIME,Thank you for your wonderful magazine. Each and every article is just amazing. I got your magazine on the last day of chol hamoed. On yom tov at night when my husband left to shul I sat down to read

it. Would you believe what inspired me most?? The ATIME forum! I was AMAZED how others cope. I was amazed how each IFer finds the comfort from their favorite posik. Me K’amchu Yisroel!

F.G.

Dear ATIME,As I’m cooing to my granddaughter, B”H my eyes are swelling with tears. Now they are tears of sim-cha, tears of gratitude to Hashem and to the right shalichim who helped me pull through this ordeal.

A yiddisha mamma is full of emotion and warmth towards her children. We all want and hope to see the nachas we are so waiting for. Sometimes things get tough and we feel alone and helpless not knowing how to react and deal. I was such a mother for 6.5 years but actually I would say not really because I heard of the A TIME mothers’ support line and I was the lucky winner! We mothers have a need to get support, and reassurance. We can’t approach the sensitive subject with our dear children and therefore some of us feel offended. But not for too long! We were explained and re-assured that our children have nothing personal against us. The coast was clear after we got to hear those magical words of Brany and Mrs. Feit, our questions were answered our pain was eased. I waited eagerly to join the mothers and felt very relieved after that. Thank you A TIME for being there. Thank you Brany for caring, Thank you Mrs. Feit, thank you all the mothers for coming forth with no hesitation, thanks for all the inspiration may we be zoicha to hear besuros tovos from everyone bekarov.

Dear ATIME,I recently attended the Bris of a baby born after several years of waiting.  A very special simcha, obviously, but to me even more so: With my flex-ible RN schedule, I’d been zocha  to give the new

mother injections almost daily for several weeks during her first unfortunately unsuccessful cycle, and then her B”H ulti-mately successful second, and another several weeks of early pregnancy.  (She got my name from A T.I.M.E’s RN list, by the way.)

It wasn’t the first time I had this zechus—one that I cher-ish, and thank HKBH for, especially as I’d been through this Nisayon myself for a while. But it was the first that had me involved for such an extended period of time.

At the Bris, one of the baby’s aunts--whom I’d actually met once or twice when she happened to be with her sister at injection time (timing doesn’t always work out so well, as we know…. but thankfully she’s an adult)-- said to me, “Wow you must feel so proud.”

I was rather taken aback by the comment. 

She noticed my expression, but I didn’t want her to miss the simcha, so I just gave her a quick sentence and let it go. “Proud? How could I be PROUD? It wasn’t me.  I’m just GRATEFUL to Hashem for allowing me a cheilek in this.” 

No, “Proud’ is really not the word that comes to mind.

If there is any RN reading this who hesitates to give fertility injections for whatever reason—liability, inconvenience or otherwise-- I have been doing it, sporadically, for about 20 years and have never been sued BA”H.

I imagine I’ve been inconvenienced but I don’t remember.  

Think about it-- every baby that BE”H gets created during a cycle involving YOUR injection:  YOU’LL have had a cheilek in not only that child but in all of its future DOROS BE”H!! How can you miss out on a zechus like that?

Proud? Never.    I still thank Hashem for the goyish RN (by name) who injected me on Shabbos years ago. I am thrilled to try ‘paying Him back, ’K’vyachol,’ for the Nissim He granted me by returning the favor in any way I possibly can. 

Thank you, A T.I.M.E., for granting me even more opportuni-ties to perform this Chesed.

May HKBH grant parenthood to all who yearn for it b’karov BE”H.

An RN on your list

Mai

l Box

Mid-Atlantic Region:(410)241-4196

E-Mail: midatlantic@atime.orgBaltimore • Washington • Virginia • Delaware

Sarale Lefkowitz

England:107 Dunsmure Rd.• Suite 2

London N16 5HTPhone: 44-208-800-2153

Fax: 44-208-211-1773E-Mail: admin@atime.org.uk

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T •i •M •E •L •i •n •E

Dear Friends,You are cared about very much! Every day the A TIME

staff and volunteers renew their commitment to you. Anyone who is involved with A TIME has been there and is well aware of the difficulties and pain of this journey. We all have one mission in mind: to make this journey shorter and easier for you. All of our programs and services are designed to do just that…. So reach out; we’re here! You don’t have to do this alone!

Call the helpline for anything you might need; it is de-signed to help you with any small question and concern to any referral or medical question or even file review. These are experts! 718-437-7110

Our phone support program brings the world together. Women in USA, Canada, Israel and even Australia join these popular groups. A lot of work goes into coordinating the almost weekly sessions with the most amazing people. Get a schedule, and put yourself on the call reminder list. It’s simple

and you won’t miss anything. Text the words follow ati-meevents to 40404 and you will be completely in the know.

Our annual Shabbaton took place this year in the sum-mer for the first time ever. It was a real getaway. About 170 couples joined us and I am convinced that they are forever changed.

I am always awed by the people Hashem chooses to be tested by this difficult challenge. I feel it is a very elite group chosen only by Hashem. I kept hearing from our guests how awesome the crowd is, and it was. The simcha experienced on Shabbos cannot be described. The atmosphere had to be felt physically to understand the strong achdus and caring. I am always impressed with the crowd, but this year it was over the top. Couples from so many different backgrounds were socializing, learning, and singing together like family. I know that this Shabbos was not ignored in Shomayim. We included tidbits and reviews in the magazine to give you a bit of a glimpse; read it, close your eyes and picture the warmth.

Many people worked hours on the weekend: our kind and caring board of directors that committed to offer this cost free; the host staff that reviewed every detail and worked hours; our very talented volunteer party planner, Mrs. Ruchy Waldman; our amazing event coordinator, Mrs. Miriam Fi-shoff; and every office staff member had a part in the success of the Shabbos. Mrs. Yendelle Roitenberg flew in from Eretz Yisroel and wowed us with her brilliance and eloquence. Our singers from Shira literally sang their hearts out…Rab-bi Michoel Schnitzler, R’ Isaac Honig…wow.. Rabbi Nussen Moeller from Lakewood, and of course, the Rosh Yeshiva who changed so many lives…Rabbi Efraim Wachsman!

You can listen to many amazing speeches on our phone line “kol Chaya.” It is only a phone call away.

I watched Mr. Moshie Fisher, our president, take in the scene Motzai Shabbos at Melaveh Malka. He was so happy as if it was his own simcha. Mi K’amcha Yisroel! Just remember how much you are cared about!

One woman from Israel who attended the English Shab-baton this winter told me how she came reluctantly to the Shabbaton, fresh from a failed cycle…got renewed strength from the Shabbos…cycled again and is BH sharing good news with me. This is what keeps us going, and of course the smiles on your faces!

Are you feeling tired and need a break? Order a meal from Meals With Heart…it is designed to give you renewed strength. Don’t hesitate.

There are many ways we can help you. Get informed, be-come familiar; it will be a lot easier for you. Remember we’re here, we’ll keep davening for you, and please share your good news with us. We care so much, we’re family.

A Gut Gebentched Yahr,Brany Rosen

Director of Member Services

Timeline

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Overwhelmed by IvF?

Call in to the A TIME office for your copy. 718-686-8912

NOw avaIlable In THe A TIMe offICeA CoMpreHensIve GuIde for Ivf

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Chizuk

Amy Spira

One year.A year of pain,A year of growthA year of tears.A year etched in history now complete.At times there was no hope for the future.A better future,A future of laughter and joy,A future in which the aches of the heart cease to exist.A future of beauty.At times there was no room inside to breathe.Thinking hurt,Breathing hurt,Smiling was torturous.There were times when joy seeped through the windows of my soul.Times when I thought, maybe, just maybe I will survive.Times when smiling came without force, and you existed.Then suddenly, from a source so strong, my pain would resurface

Like a hungry lion,Fierce,Tough,Determined.My pain would attack with no moment’s notice – a tornado of rears would pour forth.It took time, courage, and strength to fight.Some battles lasted longer.Some were more brutal.In the end, I’ve overcome.Victory is mine.One year of pain,A year full of growth.Without this year, where would I be?Who would I be?Thank, Hashem, for my year.And for my victories.

Reprinted with permission from Binah Magazine. Copyright 2013. All Rights Reserved. Binah Magazine.

OneYear

General Infertility/ U.S.A.Mrs. Rivky BertramGeneral

Infertility/ InternationalMrs. Joy Ehrman

Secondary InfertilityMrs. Chaya OstreicherMrs. Rachel Tuchman

Pregnancy LossMrs. Dvora EntinMrs. Malkie Klaristenfeld

Post-HysterectomyMrs. Rachel Tuchman

Mothers of Couples Experiencing InfertilityMrs. Rivka Feit

Male Factor; WivesMrs. Yettie Katz

AdoptionDr. Sara Barris

Unsuccessful IVF CycleDr. Sara Barris

General Infertility; Men’s Group

For more information about upcoming support groups visit our website www.atime org

or call our office 718-686-8912

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FOREWORD: Was it a mere three weeks ago that I was in America for the fabulous

ATIME Shabbos retreat? I left Eretz Yisrael right after we had buried three of our boys who had been missing and prayed for world-over for nearly three weeks. Shir Hama’alos mima’amkim kerasicha Hashem…… Hearts were broken and hearts were united during those agonizing eighteen days. Kivisi Hashem kivsah nafshi ve’lidvaro hocholti……. We davened, we hoped and Hashem had other plans. We needed that unity and all those Tefillos for what was to follow. Little did we realize that we were on the verge of still more tragedy, and that we would need every one of those Tefillos and so many more, to help us through the weeks ahead.

When I left Eretz Yisrael late Thursday afternoon I

could not have imagined that by the time I would return just three and half days later, the airport would be in turmoil with the country literally on the brink of war. Since my return, air-raid sirens have unfortunately become the norm. Whether we run for shelter or just stay and pray where we are, we really know Hashem is our only Shelter .)72 )תהילים רעה ביום בסכה יצפנני We כי recite Tehillim, daven, plead and beg, hear the massive explosions and then daven some more to thank for the miracles, as again and again, with tremendous Hashgacha Pratis, rockets and missiles are either intercepted or land mostly in open unpopulated areas.

Rockets flying overhead and missiles heading in our direction seem almost minor when we think of our brethren who are out on the battlefields. Tragically,

too many have fallen and will never come home to their families. Some have been seriously injured; every single one of them needs our Tefillos and so we pour out our hearts and storm the heavens. All of us have names of soldiers in our siddurim whom we pray for. We daven and hope - kaveih el Hashem. We daven some more - chazak veya’ametz libecho and then we hope and daven still more - vekaveih el Hashem. We don’t and won’t stop davening, pleading and imploring. We get up in the morning with prayers on our lips, we fall asleep at night with prayers in our hearts and we think of the soldiers who have no beds to sleep in and of their worried families who cannot fall asleep at all. While we cook lunch we daven. While we run errands we silently plead. While we prepare for Shabbos we whisper bakashos. Wherever we wait in line, at a doctor’s clinic, at a bus-stop and even at the supermarket, people can be seen quietly and fervently saying Tehillim.

Neighbors, friends and even total strangers hand us a small slip of paper with a name and say:

“My nephew was recruited, please daven for him.”

“My grandson, he’s out on the front; we want him to come home safely.”

The tears in our eyes bear witness that we also want them to come home. We take the names and tearfully promise that we will include them in our Tefillos. We daven and hope that not only they will come home safely but for all of Klal Yisroel to be brought home very soon, in peace - in one piece and in one heart - ke’ish echod be’lev echod to Yerusholayim Habenuyoh.

I sincerely hope by the time this is published we will all have experienced the final ingathering Me’arba Kanfos Ha’aretz. But as of now we are still waiting, praying and hoping. ANOTHER AIR-RAID SIREN!

More explosions. Ad Mosai? These must be the final contractions of Galus. Soon, hopefully very soon we will hear a different siren, Mashaich’s Shofar blast. It cannot be much longer. Vehu yoshieinu veyigoleinu sheinis. While we wait, we hope, pray, plead, beg and then hope some more because Yidden always hope. Kaveih el Hashem, chazak veya’ametz libecho vekaveih el Hashem. )Tehillim 27- recited Elul & Tishrei until end of Sukkos(.

• • •

A short while ago a small electrical appliance that had stood in our kitchen since the day we got married broke and needed replacing. It was a good quality old style Russell Hobbs kettle. It brought wondering smiles to our young nieces’ and nephews’ faces. They’d look at it incredulously and ask, “It needs a wire? It has to be plugged and unplugged each time you use it? Don’t you have a cordless?”

Now that it was leaking and thus fusing, the time had come to go to the electrical store to choose ourselves a new kettle. I wanted a good quality kettle, so I told the salesman that our previous kettle had been our only kettle for well over twenty years. Didn’t it deserve a little eulogy for being the trusty and by now also somewhat rusty kettle that had faithfully served us for so many years until it collapsed? It was there for us when we needed a strong coffee before those early morning appointments. It was there when I needed to stave off fatigue on the days I worked long hours, well into the afternoon, even though my day had begun so early. It was there as I wrote articles late into the night, providing me with hot coffee so as to keep my bleary eyes from closing. But now it had to be replaced and I knew our kitchen would finally be sporting a more updated model, a cordless kettle. The salesman chuckled loudly, shook his head and

Seasonal Thoughts – Tishrei 5775Chizuk

HY. Roitenbarg

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said, “Nothing you buy nowadays will still be around in twenty years. I can sell you the best I have but it will not last anywhere near as long.”

I know today’s electrical appliances are neither the quality of once nor manufactured the way they once were. I know the reason it will not last as long is not because it is cordless but nevertheless it made me think of another cord, a spiritual lead and line that connects us not to electricity but to a much greater Power - to Hakadosh Baruch Hu, The Shomea Tefillos. Tefillah is our cord and line of connection. Without it we cannot last or exist. The Hebrew word for line is kav – קו. When we turn to Hashem in Tefillah there is never call waiting. We are never told to hold on while they try to connect us. So long as we have the line, the kav of Tefillah, our connection can be anytime, anywhere and forever. Tefillah is our lifeline.

It is this kav and our heartfelt Tefillos which keep us connected. When a rock climber scales steep, rocky, mountainous crags he is tied and attached to ropes. As he skillfully and cautiously maneuvers and balances himself he knows even if he were to lose his footing, so long as he is firmly fastened and harnessed to those ropes, he will not fall and can swing his way back towards the rocks so as to continue his ascent to the summit. In life we are all rock climbers. We are all trying to be Bnei Aliyah, navigating our way on the mountainous paths of life towards the peak. Tefillah is our rope, our cord of connection. As we grapple through difficult patches, Tefillah is our harness. On the steep, arduous paths of life we hold on tightly and hopefully. So long

as we cling and remain securely attached to the cords of Tefillah we will not falter, fall nor fail.

We know and believe והוא קלי וחי גואלי וצור our Rock of צור חבלי, Hashem is חבלי בעת צרה.

support in times of agony. The word ,חבלי

which means pain and agony, is connected to the word ,חבל which means a rope. There are times when the path of life is extremely rocky, strewn with hurdles and challenges and we may even feel desperate, certain we have come to the end of the rope. At such times it is well worth remembering that Hashem is at the other end of the rope and so long as we keep the line of connection open we need not despair for there is hope.

What is hope? I once saw an interesting acronym on a magnet:

HOPE! H.O.P.E. Hang On Pain Ends.

As Yidden, we always hang on. We hold on to that line of connection. Even in agonizing times we do not give up. We know Hashem is the Kol Yachol; for Him anything and everything is possible so we live with hope. Hang On Pain Ends – .לאחריתך תקוה יש Interestingly, the Hebrew word for hope קוה - kaveih is closely connected to the word קו - kav which means a line.

Many of us can probably equate with the heartrending cries, the long strenuous years and tearful prayers of Sarah, Rivkah and Rachel. How many of us though, have examined the Tefillos - the קו - and the tremendous hope - the קוה - of our matriarch Leah? Leah understood that she and her sister Rachel were each destined to marry one of Yitzchak and Rivkah’s twin sons. When she realized that Rachel, her younger sister, was to marry Yaakov - the younger twin - and that she, the older sister, was destined to marry Eisav - the older twin - she sobbed, pleaded and davened. She begged Hashem to change her fate and destiny. The passuk informs us, Leah cried so much that her eyes ועיני לאה רכות:were always red and swollen. She wept so incessantly that her eye lashes fell out. Her constant prayers were accompanied by streams of hot, salty tears. She held on to that line of Tefillah. She cried out to Hashem,

pleading with Him to have mercy on her and to avert her marriage to Eisav.

Hashem not only heard her cries, not only accepted her tears and not only annulled the decree. The result of those Tefillos and tears was that she married Yaakov first, even before Rachel. She was the only one of the Imahos who did not have to wait longingly until she began to raise a family. She merited giving birth to half of the Shevatim. She became the mother of the firstborn Reuven, the mother of the Kohanim and Leviim, the mother of Yehuda the tribe of the kings and the mother of Yissachar the tribe of Torah scholars. Her ehrliche Tefillos along with her hope and belief changed her destiny. From Leah we learn Kaveih el Hashem, never to underestimate the power of Tefillah. If we do not see immediate results, if our prayers seem to go unanswered, chazak veya’ametz libecho; we should not despair but rather strengthen ourselves, be persistent and continue to pray hopefully; vekaveih el Hashem.

Hashem loves the - הקב"ה מתאווה לתפילתם של צדיקיםfervent and sincere Tefillos of Tzadikim. However, Hashem made the Avos and Imahos wait and pray for children not because He needed their Tefillos but because they themselves required those Tefillos. Every added Tefillah, every additional tear changed and molded them into whom they had to become. Their powerful Tefillos developed and changed them. Their prayers were not merely the result of their pain and anguish. Rather, they themselves changed as a result of their intense prayers. Their tearful prayers were an essential ingredient, a prerequisite to their future. Through their Tefillos they became suitable and suited to be our holy patriarchs and matriarchs. It is precisely for this reason that we can daven repeatedly and request time and again for the same thing. Each time we cry out to Hashem we change,

our very essence changes and we become different than we were prior to those Tefillos. In this renewed and changed status we may now be deserving of something that was previously denied to us.

Besides for Tefillah, there is another Mitzvah we perform which actually changes who we are. We come out of that Mitzvah transformed as though we have just been re-created a beriyah chadasha. This Mitzvah is none other than the Mitzvah of Mikvah - is also connected to מקוה Interestingly the word .מקוהthe word קוה. Man cannot exist submerged in water. When we immerse ourselves in the holy waters of a Mikvah, submerged beneath the gathered water we

become a part of that water and it is as though we cease to exist. Then when we emerge it is as though we have just been reborn. There is hope that in our renewed and changed status we may now be deserving of something that was previously denied to us. Even if until now we had been drowning in difficulties. Even if until now we had been struggling on rough and rocky terrain, even if a situation is so

desperate that we feel we have hit rock bottom, we believe and hope that the challenges, difficulties, rocks and rock bottom can become the strong and solid foundation on which we will be zoche to rebuild our lives.

In the month of Tishrei we are all .מקוה ישראל ה' הואsubmerged in a Mikvah; we daven, pour out our hearts, do Teshuvah and become new and different people.אתכם מטהר ומי מטהרים אתם מי לפני ישראל .אשריכם When we are aware that it is Hashem Who purifies us, it is He Who collects our tears, and it is He Who we are holding onto then Ashreichem Yisroel – we should be ecstatic, because we have every reason to trust, believe and hope that if we ‘hang on pain ends’ – יש

לאחריתך When it ends, how it ends is up to .תקוה Hashem. Hope is not necessarily expecting things to turn out how we want or in the way we want; hope is

There is hope that in our renewed and changed status

we may now be deserving of something that was previously denied to us.

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the knowledge and belief that The Kol Yachol can change any and every situation.

Infertility is but one of the big life challenges with which we have been confronted. I will never forget the time when doctors gave us a serious and terrifying medical diagnosis. Life was literally hanging in the balance. We needed so much Rachamei Shamayim. Doctors mercilessly stated statistics as they handed us devastating medical results. On our way home from that appointment, I did not cry, I did not daven, I don’t think I felt sad or angry, I don’t think I could feel at all. I was simply numb. My husband was strong in his faith, completely composed, and with his usual upbeat attitude he first said, “Some people speak English, others speak French, Italian or German. These non-Jewish doctors speak ‘statistics.’ It is their language but it is not our language. We speak Emunah, Bitachon and HOPE.”

He then taught me an interesting Halachic ruling in connection to Hashavas Aveidah. If someone loses an item which is later found by someone else, if he can give signs to the finder he may claim the item back. If however, he despaired of ever getting back the item then even if it is found he has no right to claim it back because he gave up all hope of ever getting it back. The fact that he despaired makes him no longer entitled to what was formerly his. This powerful message kept me going through the many long and difficult months which followed and is an attitude I still try to internalize and live by.

Yidden do not despair – ours is the language of hope – .יש תקוה לאחריתך

At the beginning of time when Hashem created the world it says; יקוו המים - let the

waters be gathered so that the dry land can be seen. Here we have another word yikavu -

and kav קוה - which is connected to kaveih יקוו In order to hope, especially at times when קו. -a situation appears to be bleak and hopeless, we must gather in all our strength. In Tishrei our lives hang in the balance but we hold on to the line of Tefillah - vekaveih el Hashem; we daven repeatedly and hopefully with all of our strength. We do not give up, we hold on with hope because we believe very soon yikavu hamayim. During the Yamim Noraim we cry out tearfully. Our streams of tears are Hashem’s treasured collection; רצון מלפניך יהי

להיות. בנאדך דמעותינו שתשים בכיות, קול We שומע move on from the Yamim Noraim to Zman Simchaseinu and Hashem still keeps hold of our precious tears. We move out of our homes into Sukkos - ;שלומיך סוכת עלינו ופרוש we are embraced in Hashem’s protective shelter. The

first half of Tishrei we cry, daven and hope. The second half of Tishrei is Zman Simchaseinu; it is the time of מים ושאבתם

בששון ממעיני הישועה.

For centuries Yidden have cried and Hashem has been collecting our

tears. Now Geulah and Zman Simchaseinu are very close. We must hold on the line. Very soon yikavu hamayim, Hashem will take hold of His overflowing glass in which He has gathered all of our tears, and those who always displayed unswerving faith and gathered in their strength will be gathered in me’arba kanfos ha’aretz. We will witness yeshuos l’klal ule’prat both as a nation and as individuals, and we will be able to proudly say that all along we never despaired, we steadfastly held on with courage and hope;

כי אתה אלוקי ישעי אותך קיויתי כל היום.

• • •

AFTERWORD: At the most recent ATIME Shabbos retreat hundreds of people who live their lives navigating rough terrain, on the steep

rocks of infertility gathered together for an inspirational Shabbos of hope and positivity. This was the powerful message we came away with from the Shabbos retreat. We must keep the lines of Tefillah and connection open. We must believe that for Hashem The Kol Yachol, any and every Yeshuah is possible. There is no place for negativity or despondency. Yidden live with hope and optimism.

I once read an interesting quote about positivity that I will include here ‘in memory of a kettle’ not so long ago discarded.

“Optimism is a cheerful frame of mind that enables a kettle to sing, though it is in hot water up to its nose.”

At the Shabbaton, couples who are up to their noses in hot water, gathered together, gathered strength and proved, no matter how hot or how deep the waters of nisayon are, we can still sing. It was an amazing Shabbos filled with songs, tunes and melodies. There were the soul-stirring Tefillos, the phenomenal Shirah Choir, uplifting Zemiros during the meals, melodious tunes and voices united in heartfelt singing during Shalosh Seudos. There was the leberdig music and lively dancing at the Melaveh Malkah and last but not least there was the captivating song from Rabbi Wachsman with its powerful message of belief, hope and trust, that we are still humming, memorizing and internalizing.

I am deeply grateful to have once again been given the fantastic opportunity to be a part of this amazing event and tremendous Kiddush Hashem. I know I was invited to come to inspire but you should know I came away inspired and in awe of every single ATIMER who participated. It is you, your smiles, your attitude and friendship that made this Shabbos into such a triumphant success and incredible Kiddush Hashem. Life sometimes demands that we play intricate and complex tunes. Spending Shabbos with you all was the equivalent of listening to a

harmonious symphony played with talent and expertise. I admire your ongoing perseverance and the skill with which you are playing your melodies.

Thank-you is too small a word to express our heartfelt appreciation to the many devoted people who worked tirelessly and invested so much time and effort into

making this Shabbos the raving success that it was! THANK YOU ATIME!

The last strains of music have faded away but the inspiring messages we heard over Shabbos are still beating in our hearts.

We must hold onto our faith, hold onto our hopes and hold onto the ropes. The Chevlei

Mashiach are painful but as the ropes tug, as we hang precariously we gather in all of our strength and hold on ever tighter with even greater hope. The Geulah is very near. The footsteps of Mashiach are so loud and so close. Rockets, missiles, wars, tragedies, nisyonos but we do not despair or lose heart; instead we pour out our hearts in Tefillah. We are a nation born beyond despair, so Kaveih el Hashem, we continue to hope. We hold on pain ends and we believe the end is very near. No matter how many battles we have to fight, how many nisyonos we have to endure, we will not lose our footing and we will not lose our faith. We will not give up. We will soldier on until the only siren we hear will be the Kol Shofar of Mashiach. Then we will not run out to shelters, we will run out to greet Mashaich, and Hashem will spread His Shelter of peace over us all -.שלומיך סוכת עלינו ופרוש Those who gathered in their strength, held onto the cord of Tefillah, held on hopefully and faithfully through Galus, nisyonos and trying times will be ready on that great day to burst out in song;

ואמר ביום ההוא הנה אלוקינו זה קיוינו לו ויושיענו,זה ד' קיוינו לו נגילה ונשמחה בישועתו.

“Keep hope alive; and it will keep you alive.

We will soldier on until the only siren we hear will be the Kol Shofar

of Mashiach.

We speak Emunah, Bitachon and HOPE.

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osh Hashona is a time of great significance. Aside from the fact that it is the Day of

Judgment, it also symbolizes the importance of turning points. Infertility is a challenge of a seeming endlessness. The days, weeks and months we spend on this journey amass into one long chain of empty time and space. The very nature of this world is run on markers. Night turns to day, winter turns to summer, one year turns into another, celebrating the passage of time it encapsulates. Without these markers, our lives would be a long chain of disorganization. Imagine if there was no day and night, and all of our lives would be a series of events all meshed together in a day that lasts one hundred and twenty years… Imagine if winter would never end… Imagine if we had no concept of days, weeks, months and years and no way to gauge age and events… How disorderly this world would be!

On the very first day of creation, it is written: ויהי ערב“

and there was night and there was day – ויהי בוקר יום אחד”

– one day. Hashem, in His infinite wisdom, saw the importance of order and relativity of time and space, even before creating His beautiful world. It is therefore in our very natures to constantly seek order. From the age that we understand the concept of past, present and future, we keep mapping out our lives, highlighting the milestones we look forward to. Children dream about graduating school, going to work, getting married and being a Mommy to many children, respectively.

Infertility is the killjoy that disrupts order, and sends us into a black hole of infinity. I often find myself struggling to place a particular event into a timeframe. At the same time, others effortlessly calculate how old their kids were at the time and which child they were pregnant with, and successfully pinpointing the year and even month of that particular event. Infertility robs us of that gauge that measures the passage of time, which creates confusion and anguish.

For lack of turning points, Rosh Hashona can serve as our reminder of the passage of time. It is a time that highlights the realization that yet another year has passed but with nothing to show for it. We grow tired of having these depressing feelings year after year, and perhaps angry that our wishes have not been fulfilled. Although these feelings are normal and valid, is this really what Rosh Hashona should be for us? Most certainly it is not!

This year, let Rosh Hashona be the catalyst for change, independent of whether our yeshuah comes or not. Let us realize all that we have in our lives that fall by the wayside, as a result of our exclusive focus on what we do not have. Let us reflect on how we have performed in those areas and find room for improvement. Surely, with this approach we will realize that there is so much more for us to do than to sit around and wait for our yeshuah. Making a serious cheshbon and taking steps to becoming the best wives we can be, and focusing on strengthening our connection with Hashem, are the most significant and rewarding personal goals we can set for ourselves. These goals alone are lifelong projects. Additionally, our relationships with family and friends, and the uniqueness of each of these relationships, should also be assessed. We were not yet meant to deal with motherhood. It is incumbent upon us to deal with what we are given at this point in time in the best possible way. If we ignore what is expected of us right now, we are missing the point.

It is comparable to someone whose father has passed on a large inheritance which is stashed away in a bank account. All that is expected of him is to withdraw the money and make wise use of it. Instead, this foolish man constantly complains about the wear and tear of his house, the maintenance of his car, and so forth. His focus is completely misplaced. Similarly, how do we

stand before Hashem and complain about what is missing in our lives, rather than enjoying and making wise use of what is at our disposal?

When we try to get ahead of ourselves we are faced with dual consequences. Firstly, we are not enjoying the present, and secondly, our inability to control the future only brings us anxiety. The davening on Rosh Hashona is long and at times it is hard to concentrate. In a moment of desperation, I sometimes turn the pages to see what is still to come. Ironically, this attempt at seeking relief actually has the opposite effect. My focus suddenly shifts from fervent davening to the thick pile of pages between my fingers that have yet to be covered. It always makes me more restless and unfocused than I was before. Finally, when I try to refocus on the davening, I often lose track of where I was up to. The only way to get back on track is to listen to the baal koreh and then letting go of the distractions that keep me from having the proper kavana.

In life, we often become discontented with where we are. We turn the pages trying to skip to the chapters that lie ahead. But our desperate measures only make us restless and unhappy, and when we do try to refocus ourselves, it is often hard to remember what it is we are

supposed to be doing. However if we try and listen to what is going on around us, we can get back to where we are meant to be. We need to stay on the page we are up to and have the most meaningful experience within.

This year I plan on adding a new request to my tefillos; I want to spend the coming year fulfilling what is expected of me, so that next year b’ezras hashem, regardless of whether I have a child or not, I shall not have this empty feeling of time wasted. With all my personal goals accomplished, it is my hope that I will then be able to turn the page.

Turning

thePage

These goals alone are lifelong projects.

We turn the pages trying to skip to

the chapters that lie ahead.

Chizuk

Batsheva G.

“One today is worth two tomorrows.Benjamin Franklin

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Empowered L. Gluck

rayer does not change Hashem; it changes him who prays.” I chanced upon this quote, and at first glance, I found myself nodding

along. Now, I’m not so sure. Who says that prayer cannot change Hashem? Change His mind? Does Hashem ever change his mind? Do we have the power to change His mind?

Most of you, if not all, recall the horrendous kidnapping of the three Yeshiva boys in Israel by Hamas terrorists this past summer. What was the reaction of our Nation? We stormed the Heavens. We begged Him,

pleaded with Him to send them back to us alive and well. Think about this. How likely is it, according to the natural process of how the world runs, that boys who are kidnapped by terrorists will return home, alive? And yet, did that deter anyone from praying with utmost sincerity and hope? Praying that He suspend that which natural order dictates in the

world?

A chronically ill patient in hospice care will die shortly. A man incarcerated for life will not likely see the light of day again. A couple experiencing infertility on whom the doctors have given up

She wanted to birth her own child! Outlandish request.

We can pray for the impossible!

hope- what chance do they seemingly have to birth a child of their own? Thus dictates the protocols of nature.

Have you ever prayed for such a situation to be reversed? Most of us can answer in the affirmative. And if that is so, you must be of the opinion that Hashem can change His mind. That we, His people, have the capability to do so with our prayers.

Our Avos were the ones who introduced the concept of prayer to the world. And yet, when the Talmud classifies laws of prayer, it derives most of them from the prayer of Channah. This brings us to question- why were the prayers of our Avos overlooked? It behooves us to reflect a bit deeper on this. There must have been something so unique about Channah’s prayer, as it is the archetype after which all prayers are modeled.

Channah, one of Elkanah’s wives, was not blessed with children, as Hashem had closed her womb. She was not able to conceive. One year, Channah went to the Mishkon to pray. And pray she did. She asked Hashem to send her a child. She wanted to birth her own child! Outlandish request! Such a thing was not naturally possible! And not just that, she had the gumption to take it a step further. Take a look at her prayer. “V’nesata l’amascha zera anashim:” She asked Him to send her a “man-child,” which

our sages say, means a righteous person- a tzaddik. Rabi Chanina is quoted to state,

“Everything is in the hands of Hashem, except for fear of Hashem.” He decides the financial status of man, the wisdom of man, and the strength of man. But fear of Hashem, righteousness, is up to man himself. And there went Channah, asking Hashem to send her a righteous child! How brazen a request! And yet, it was specifically this brazenness which placed her prayer as the definition of what prayer means to us Jewish people.

Prayer is the conduit through which we can storm the Heavens. Prayer is very act of begging the President of the world for a pardon.

How timely it is for the prayer of Channah to be read as the Haftorah on Rosh Hashana, on the Day of Judgment for our people. It serves as a strong reminder for us. Do not give up; all is not lost! We are empowered! We have the ability to refuse to accept fate handed down by Hashem Himself. We can pray for the impossible!

May it be His will that we live to see the impossible , that we live to see that Hashem answers our prayers in the way that is best for us. Wishing all a Kesiva Vechasima Tova and Gut Gebentcht Yuhr.

“Life is fragile; handle with prayer.

Chizuk

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n Nov. 18, 1995, Itzhak Perlman, the world-famous violinist, came on stage to give a

concert at Avery Fisher Hall in New York City.

If you have ever been to a Perlman concert, you know that getting on stage is no small feat for him. Perlman was stricken with polio as a child, and therefore has braces on both legs and walks with the aid of two crutches.

To see him walk across the stage one step at a time, stiffly and slowly, is an awesome sight.

He walks painfully, yet majestically, until he reaches his chair. Then he sits down, carefully places his crutches on the floor, undoes the clasps on his braces, tucks one foot back and extends the other foot forward. He then bends

down and picks up the violin, tucks it under his chin, nods to the conductor and proceeds to play.

By now, the audience is used to the musician’s ritual. They remain reverently silent and wait until he is ready to play.

But this time, something went wrong. Just as Perlman finished the first few bars, one of the strings on the violin broke. You could hear it snap - it went off like gunfire across the room. There was no mistaking what had to be done. The musician would have

to get up, lock his braces, pick up the crutches and limp his way off stage – to replace the broken string or find another violin. But he didn’t. Instead, he waited a moment, closed his eyes and then signaled to the conductor to begin again.

The orchestra began playing, and Perlman continued from where he had left off. And he played with more passion, power and purity than ever before.

Of course, anyone knows that it is impossible to play a symphonic work with just three strings. I know that, and you know that, but that night Itzhak Perlman refused to know that.

You could see him modulating, changing, and recomposing the piece in his head. At one point, it looked as if he was retuning the strings to make new sounds.

When he finished, there was an awesome silence in the room. And then the audience rose and cheered. There was an extraordinary outburst of applause from every corner of the auditorium.

Perlman smiled, wiped the sweat from his brow, raised his bow to quiet us, and then he said – not boastfully, but in a quiet, pensive, reverent tone, “You know, sometimes it is the artist’s task to find out how much music you can still make with what you have left.”

What a powerful line that is. It has stayed in my

mind ever since I heard it.

And who knows? Perhaps that is the definition of life; not just for artists but for all of us. Here is a man who, for most of his life, has practiced how to make music on a violin with four strings. When he suddenly finds himself left with only three strings, on stage at New York’s famous Lincoln Center, he just makes music with three strings!

And the music he made that night with just three strings was more beautiful, sacred and memorable than all the music he had ever played before with four whole strings!

So, perhaps our task in our current painful, bewildering life is to make music with what we have. And when that isn’t always possible, to learn to make music with what we have left.

You could hear it snap - it went off like gunfire across

the room.

With What’s Left

“if it doesn’t challenge you, it doesn’t change you.

Chizuk

Israel:Phone:0527187188

E-Mail: israel@atime.org

Florida:E-mail: florida@atime.org

Jackie Horowitz

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here’s a well-known story that I’d like to share with you. You may have already

heard it, but its lesson is so powerful that I believe it›s always worth hearing it just one more time. Sit back, relax, and be inspired!

A young woman went to her mother and explained that life was very hard for her. She didn’t know how she was going to survive and was ready to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling, and it seemed that each time one problem was solved, a new one arose. She felt that her life was a one step forward, two steps back situation.

Her mother took her to the kitchen, filled three pots with water and placed each pot on a high fire. Soon, the pots came to a boil. In the first pot the

mother placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed a pouch of ground coffee beans.

After about twenty minutes, the mother of the young woman turned off the flames. She fished out the carrots and fished out the eggs and placed them each in separate bowls. She then ladled out the coffee, which had resulted from the coffee beans in the third pot, and poured it into yet another bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, “Tell me what you see.”

“I see carrots, eggs and coffee,” the young woman replied. Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. Upon feeling the carrots, the young woman noted that they were soft. Her mother

Chizuk

then asked her to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed a hard-boiled egg.

Finally, her mother asked her to sip the coffee. The young woman smiled as she inhaled the coffee’s inviting aroma and savored the taste of its rich flavor. Then she questioned, “But, what does it mean?”

Her mother explained to her that each of the foods had faced the same adversity: boiling water, however, they each reacted very differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting but, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans, on the other hand, they were unique. After being subjected to the boiling water, they had actually changed the water. “So,” the older woman asked her daughter, “which one are you? When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?”

We all go through our struggles,

nisyanos, and hardships in life.

How do you respond to these

challenges?

Ask yourself: “Which of these

would I compare myself to? Do I

seem strong but become soft and

lose my strength when faced with

pain and adversity, like the carrot?

“Am I like the egg that started

out with a malleable heart and a

fluid spirit that became hardened

and stiff by going through my

nisayon? Does my shell look the

same, even though I’ve become

cold and tough on the inside?

“Or, am I like the coffee bean,

which releases its fragrance and

flavor when faced with hot water,

the very circumstance that brings

the pain? In other words, when

things are at their worst, do I become

the best I can be by making the most of the situation

and growing from the challenge?”

We all want to live life to its fullest. Let’s strive to

be coffee beans.

“The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything

that comes their way.

When Faced with Adversity

T

When adversity knocks on your door,

how do you respond?

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here was once a famous artist who was world renowned for his gorgeous

paintings, which looked extremely real and authentic. People flocked from all over the world to come and see his masterpieces, but they never got to observe the artist in action. The artist wouldn’t allow any onlookers to disturb him and would only paint in privacy.

His neighbor Tom was yearning to catch at least half a glimpse while the artist was painting. Every time he tried to peek, the artist somehow

managed to notice. Tom would brainstorm endlessly all types of ideas on how to secretly spy on the artist. One day, he saw the artist leaving his home with a folded easel and a kit of paints and brushes. Tom jumped at the opportunity to follow him. He quickly grabbed a set of binoculars so that he could watch from afar, and then ran to follow the artist.

The artist was heading up a tall mountain until he reached the highest peak where he set up his equipment. He looked right and left, and then

It shattered to pieces instantly.

In life, we paint wonderful

pictures of how we want things to

work for us.

“Happiness isn’t about getting what you want. it’s about loving what you have

and being grateful for it.

Chizuk

Shattered ArtShevy Weiss

seeing no one, he started to paint. Tom was keeping a good distance. He sat mesmerized as the artist was swiftly painting to and fro, copying the unfolding sunset to the tee. As the sun was inching away, the artist moved along with it, so that the picture should have a look of authenticity. Tom was breathless from witnessing this awesome scene of an artist painting sunset on the mountain tops. The painting closely resembled the real sunset.

As he was tensely continuing to view this all through his binoculars, he noticed the artist slowly reaching a dangerous position. The artist was so enwrapped in his work, and by now he was at the very edge of the mountain’s peak. One more move would mean an end to...! Tom didn’t even want to think to what. He was in a serious dilemma. He had to do something to warn the artist of the danger. He couldn’t scream, because that would give away his hiding place. He therefore quickly picked up a pebble and briskly threw it at the painting. It

shattered to pieces instantly. The artist jumped up in shock, and thus his life was spared.

***

In life, we paint wonderful pictures of how we want things to work for us. We plan and dream happy futures. Very often, though, during the rosiest of our dreams we wake up with a start into a reality where we see that things might not have turned out as we expected and hoped for them to be. We just need to remember and trust that this is all from

Hashem. The pebbles that destroy our lovely paintings are actually situations that Hashem custom-made for us to enhance our lives. The tiny, little pebbles really hurt, but since we know that it was sent with His love, we will accept it with gratitude.

We should always keep on painting, dreaming and hoping to keep us going, but we need to remember Who the Master Painter is and Who knows what’s good for us so much better than we do.

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This project is brought to you l’ilu nishmas our dear and unforgettable

Mrs. Yocheved Weissfrom whose kindness so many benefitted.

For now, this program is in effect in the following locations:

Boro park, Williamsburg, monsey, and monroe.

If you can benefit from this, please send a text message to

347.871.5177We need at least a day’s notice for requests.

Basic information will be necessary upon reservation and will be kept strictly

confidential.

if you are available to help out with either cooking or delivering the meals, or would like to set up this program in your area,

please contact Leah at the abovementioned number.

Meals Heart w

ith

Brought to you by A TIME

A tuna sandwich is not a supper. Especially after a long and hard day, which included exhausting procedures, hours of travelingand treatments, and overwhelming and devastating news. But who can think of preparing anything more wholesome at times like this?

That is why we present to you

“Meals with Heart,” an A timE project that will provide you with a warm and nourishingheimishe meal on a day when you need it most. We have a group of devoted volunteers who will prepare these fresh meals especiallyfor you, of course keeping the most stringent standards of kashrus, based on the guidelines that we provide.

Pesach 5774 Mgazine:Tishrei Magazine 5774 3/31/2014 4:33 PM Page 23

ops! You look exactly like your younger sister… for a minute I was sure you were her…”

Growing up, my sister and I kept hearing comments on how similar we look. People who I hadn’t a clue who they were waved their hands from across the street thinking I was Sury. Neighbors mistook us all the time, and even my Bubby sometimes still calls me Sury.

I remember when Sury got married, two years after I did. I was doing some sheva brachos shopping in the grocery, when my former high school teacher came run-ning over to me and excitedly exclaimed, “Mazel tov! You look so good!”

“Oh, you mean my sister Sury,” I said.

I won’t forget how she colored and excused herself. “You look so alike.”

It was all very funny and cute, but little did I know how many times I would have to accept Mazel Tovs on Sury’s behalf.

When the inevitable happened and Sury had a baby, leaving me behind for a while (hopefully a short one) the Mazel Tovs came gushing in. I even got a few wet kisses from cousins who confused us.

“So, who’s babysitting?” people wanted to know.

“Well, I don’t have babies to be babysat, so…” I silently hoped that the person will get the mes-sage, but as life has taught me, not everyone gets a hint; specifically those who wanted to un-derstand why if they saw me wheeling a buga-boo last week am I claiming that I don’t need a babysitter?

At times when I did explain myself clearly, say-ing that I don’t yet have a baby, the other person would explain herself, too, saying, “Oh, sorry! I thought you were the older one…” (Because older ones have babies first…always!) Well, could it be explained?

And I would find myself arguing with people. They claimed I had a baby and I said I didn’t… until I decided that there’s no point in arguing anymore. If she thinks I have a child, let her think so and may it become true very soon…

In some situations, people realize their mis-takes one minute too late and then apologize ten times over, but I’m already on my way… (Possi-ble to take care of my kids…)

Sometimes I wonder if this is not easier than when it happens the other way around.

Like when I was visiting my grandmother and I was holding Sury’s baby, my bubby was ex-tremely confused.

“Which one are you?” she asked bewildered, “Sury or Chavy?”

“Chavy,” I answered naturally.

“So who’s the little one in your hands?”

She didn’t understand, and I was reading her thoughts: “If I am pouring buckets of tears for her yeshuah, can’t she at least let me know that she had a baby, let alone tell me she’s expecting?”

But, no worries, my sisters standing around make sure to tell my bubby who the real mom is. And my little nephew never weighed as much in my poor hands.

“Chavy, may you hold your own very soon, im yirtzeh Hashem,” Bubby made sure to add.

I guess everything in life has pros and cons and so does the fact that we look so alike.

After all, isn’t mazel tov a good bracha any-how?

Well, I for one could use it.

Identity Crisis

After all, isn’t mazel tov a good bracha anyhow?

“Be who you are; because those who mind don’t matter and those who

matter don’t mind at all.

Chizuk from Within

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Journey of Purpose

Ayala W.

ometimes, all I want to do is cry. Just lock myself into a room and simply cry. But deep down I know

that crying won’t get me too far. It will keep me afloat, but not carry me forward.

Other times, all I want is to ask “why”? To question everyone around me, and let the word echo. Why? Why?... But deep down I know that there are no clear answers to the mind-boggling questions disturbing me.

It is at times like this that I look around and search for something, something that will take me a step forward. And that is how I got to hear this fascinating mashal that has indeed been an inspiration to me many times.

A wealthy king wanted to treat one of his loyal servants. He summoned him to the royal palace, and told him the following. “I have a beautiful gift saved for you. It is not something that can be found here in my kingdom. In order for you to receive your treasure, you must travel to a faraway place and hand over a note to one of my subjects. He will present you with a very special gem.” The king warned his servant that the journey will not be an easy one and that he should make sure to be fully prepared.

After much preparation, the excited servant, albeit nervous, embarked on his trip.

At first, the trip was quite bearable. Some slight rain showers and an occasional animal made their appearance, but with the promised treasure in mind, the trip was definitely worth it. After several days of traveling though, the servant’s

enthusiasm began to dim. His food supply had diminished and he was increasingly tired. He had to trudge through swamps, swim across large bodies of water and climb over fallen trees. The fierce winds were threatening to pull him down. And then the unthinkable happened. The sky opened up and torrents of rain came pouring down. Loud thunder was heard for miles and the lightning illuminated the vast forest. Out of great fear, the servant began running for his life. Suddenly, he realized that he no longer had the king’s

note in his possession. The precious note he needed to present in order to claim the special gem was nowhere to be found. When the thunder and lightning finally died down, the servant realized the catastrophe that had transpired. He could not continue on his way to fulfill the mission.

Heartbroken and full of shame, the loyal servant turned about and headed back towards the king’s palace. He was led into the king’s chamber and broke down sobbing. How could he have failed his master?

The king calmed his distraught servant and opened a hidden door in his room. Openmouthed, the servant watched as the king handed him a wrapped box. Astonished, he found himself holding a beautiful gem, seemingly the one he had traveled so far for.

As soon as the servant got a hold of himself, he questioned the king: Why was he ordered to go through this journey when he could have received the gift without all this trouble?

The king silently led the surprised servant to the innermost chambers of his palace and showed the servant the wealth of diamonds and precious stones he possessed. He explained: “I have more jewels to give you than you can ever imagine. I don’t need for you to travel even one mile in order to give you what I feel you deserve. All I wanted was for you to prove your loyalty to me.”

The nimshal, to me, is crystal clear.

As we embarked on our IF journey, we thought that as soon as we seek intervention and try some treatments, our journey will

be over. We just have to do a little extra hishtadlus.

But as the years went by, we became disappointed. We cycled, had our hopes raised, and failed. Battled the despair, tried again and failed again. So we tried once more. I underwent surgery, did another round of IVF, got the long awaited positive and then crash… It was all over!

All we wanted was to know why? Why? Why? When will we reach our goal? Why is it taking so long?

And that is when this parable gave us an understanding of our Masters’ will. Hashem wants us to do his ratzon, whatever it is, and for each person it is something else. When it will be the right time for us to have the zechus to hold a child of our own, He will give it to us. Our doing does not make a difference to Him. All He wants is for us to prove our loyalty to Him and never to give up.

So we continue to travel, taking our journey step by step. We make stops; to refuel on our support and take breaks when we need them, so that we can continue to do Hashem’s will, to give Him all we can while remaining steadfast in our emunah. And we don’t give up.

He could not continue on his way to fulfill the mission.

Why is it taking so long?

Chizuk from Within

““The shortest route is not necessarily the best or indeed most expeditious.Sometimes the journey

is just as important as the outcome.”

S

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PROGRAMS & SERVICES

ADVOCACYGrant lobbying for infertility funding; bringing awareness of need for new legislation to elected officials; keeping A TIME couples apprised of changes to infertility-related legislation.

ANNUAL WEEKEND RETREATA Time’s annual relaxing and awe inspiring weekend getaway is exclusively for infertile couples from around the world who join together for the chance to escape their challenges. It provides our members the opportunity to speak with other couples experiencing similar stresses.

EDUCATIONAL EVENTSEducational and inspirational monthly seminars run by leading doctors and therapists, providing comprehensible medical information in a warm and friendly atmosphere.

AVERAGE OF 75 ATTENDEES PER EVENT

FAMILY BUILDER PROGRAMA large resource that aids our couples during every aspect, of their medical consults, diagnostic testing, treatments, medication, and counseling.

HASHGOCHA SERVICEUnder strict Rabbinical guidance, through the A TIME Hashgocha program we ensure the continuity of Klal Yisroel by providing professionally trained Mashgichim / Mashgichos for all procedures requiring Hashgocha .

90 supervisions per month in 8 Centers

HELPLINEProfessionally trained volunteers answering all questions regarding infertility, and providing referrals guidance and support to anyone who turns to A TIME for assistance.

OVER 1,900 CALLERS PER MONTH

IN-HOUSE THERAPYA Time provides professional therapists specializing in the treatments of couples dealing with the challenges of infertility. Our counselors are available by appointment.

INSURANCE ADVOCACY & SUPPORTOn Staff professional representatives fighting rejected insurance claims and providing a resource network for infertility-related insurance coverage.

LENDING LIBRARYThe A TIME library is a fully stocked reference library providing the most up to date information available in books, magazines, periodicals, and lectures (audio and visual). Materials cover procedures, medications, inspiration, motivation and anything else related to infertility.

250 VISITORS PER MONTH

MEDICAL REFERRALS & RESEARCHWhen it comes to referrals to medical specialists for the infertile couple there is no better place to turn to then A TIME. Upon request, our staff will consult with medical specialists to assist and educate the couples. A TIME will do the research on any recommended treatments available to our couples.

1300 REFERRALS PER MONTH

NATIONAL CONFERENCESNationally recognized medical conferences where leaders in the field of infertility convene for a full day program of lectures and workshops. A TIME couples attending have the opportunity to learn from and meet with the best in the field.

PREGNANCY LOSS SUPPORT PROGRAMImmediate contact with couples who experience a pregnancy loss or stillbirth. Arrange with Chevra Kadisha for burials. A TIME also offers support groups and 1 on 1 counseling. A compassionate, supportive package including inspirational stories, soothing music, uplifting poems, and chocolate, is sent to ladies who experienced the loss of a pregnancy.

90 PACKETS SENT PER MONTH

QUARTERLY MAGAZINEA comprehensive and very popular magazine exclusive for A TIME couples and for fertility centers is published 4 times a year. Each magazine offers informative articles from medical professionals on the advances in infertility; uplifting stories from A TIME members sharing their experiences; lists of available

medical resources in members’ communities, humor, inspiration, information and a readers write column where we share letters from each other.

4,500 ISSUES MAILED

REFUAH NETWORKInterest-free loans as well as a comprehensive list of lending society’s providing free items and services for our couples.

SHABBOS NEAR HOSPITAL Full accommodations for hotels, food, local information, and all other necessities are provided for those who need to be in close proximity to a hospital over the Sabbath or any Jewish Holiday. In addition to the care and concern for the comfort of our members A TIME arranges for a nurse to assist in Shabbos Courier services when needed.

15 COUPLES PER MONTH

SUPPORT GROUPSTherapist-run workshops in person or via phone support addressing many of the issues faceing infertile couples.

500 COUPLES IN SUPPORT GROUPS

THE COMMITTEE FOR HALACHA AND TECHNOLOGYThe committee is comprised of leading Rabbis and doctors who train other Rabbi’s worldwide in the intricacies of infertility in Jewish Law.

WWW.ATIME.ORGA TIME’s website, provides our couples with a plethora of resources, including over a dozen infertility specialists who answer questions that are both posted on message boards and emailed to them directly; chat forums to share ideas and experiences, medical information and emotional support available 24 hours a day; a calendar and description of A TIME events for the coming year.

50,000 POSTS ANNUALLY ON OUR FORUM

7,000ACTIVE

MEMBERSAND (unfortunately) GROWING

ouom arouples frtile ceror infely fclusivxee inspirinwelaxing and as annual rime’A T

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Pesach 5774 Mgazine:Tishrei Magazine 5774 3/31/2014 4:34 PM Page 37

Need to have your blood drawn onShabbos & delivered to your center?

Call Chaya 718-258-5002or Vivienne 917-783-9514 for assistance

Volunteer

Become a part of the ATIME Family

Help our very best office staff

Distribute Labor Tehillim Packets to doctors offices

Deliver magazines to doctors offices

coordinate fundraisers in different neighborhoods

Help with our annual Chinese Auction

Email admin@atime.org

ServicesLabor Tehillim Program Our labor tehillim program is set

to roll. Our beautiful brochure along with a list of names of couples to daven for while in labor is soon to be in the local

ob/gyn's offices.To list your name please email admin@atime.org

or call 718-686-8912Please call to remove your names when bezras hashem you no longer need this service.

Car Rides

Rides to and from your center from Williamsburg and back call Chesed 718-218-9000

Rides to and from your Manhattan center from Boro Park and back call Chesed 718-854-4341

Rides to and from your Manhattan center Lakewood and back call Lakewood Bikur Cholim 732-905-3020 Ext. 117

Darchei Chesed of Monsey 845-425-4070

MiscCollection Kits are

available at the g'maches in Monsey and Boro Park

Affordable DrugsFertility drugs at reduced Prices Tel: 718-972-5750

Fax: 718-972-7288

Doros Interest-Free Loans Please call Mr. Schwartz at 718-633-5455

Bulletin Board

Need to be near yourcenter for Shabbos?

for assistance call Chaya: 718-258-5002

or Vivienne : 917-783-9514

A Time Support Groups

Join our phone support groups from the comfort and privacy of your home!

Phone Support Groups on the following topics: Primary Infertility Secondary Infertility Unsuccessful IVF Pregnancy Loss Support Male Factor Infertility Men’s Suppor t Group Mothers of Couples Experiencing Infertility

Email admin@atime.org or events@atime.orgor call 718-686-8912 for the info

Meals

It’s been a long day. “I am so drainedand can’t even think about supper,but we need to eat and just don’t

want takeout again” - Call Meals with Heart 347-871-5177and with only 1 day's notice you

can have fresh, homemade, deliciousmeals delivered to your door.

Inspiration!

Information! Chizuk!Find it all 24 hours

a day whenever you need it by calling

Kol Chaya:718-298-2646

(Yiddish or English)

Great News!You can receive text reminders

& announcements of all upcoming events by sending a text message with the words "follow atimeevents" to the number 40404. Alternately,

you can follow us on Twitter at atimeevents

PROGRAMS & SERVICES

ADVOCACYGrant lobbying for infertility funding; bringing awareness of need for new legislation to elected officials; keeping A TIME couples apprised of changes to infertility-related legislation.

ANNUAL WEEKEND RETREATA Time’s annual relaxing and awe inspiring weekend getaway is exclusively for infertile couples from around the world who join together for the chance to escape their challenges. It provides our members the opportunity to speak with other couples experiencing similar stresses.

EDUCATIONAL EVENTSEducational and inspirational monthly seminars run by leading doctors and therapists, providing comprehensible medical information in a warm and friendly atmosphere.

AVERAGE OF 75 ATTENDEES PER EVENT

FAMILY BUILDER PROGRAMA large resource that aids our couples during every aspect, of their medical consults, diagnostic testing, treatments, medication, and counseling.

HASHGOCHA SERVICEUnder strict Rabbinical guidance, through the A TIME Hashgocha program we ensure the continuity of Klal Yisroel by providing professionally trained Mashgichim / Mashgichos for all procedures requiring Hashgocha .

90 supervisions per month in 8 Centers

HELPLINEProfessionally trained volunteers answering all questions regarding infertility, and providing referrals guidance and support to anyone who turns to A TIME for assistance.

OVER 1,900 CALLERS PER MONTH

IN-HOUSE THERAPYA Time provides professional therapists specializing in the treatments of couples dealing with the challenges of infertility. Our counselors are available by appointment.

INSURANCE ADVOCACY & SUPPORTOn Staff professional representatives fighting rejected insurance claims and providing a resource network for infertility-related insurance coverage.

LENDING LIBRARYThe A TIME library is a fully stocked reference library providing the most up to date information available in books, magazines, periodicals, and lectures (audio and visual). Materials cover procedures, medications, inspiration, motivation and anything else related to infertility.

250 VISITORS PER MONTH

MEDICAL REFERRALS & RESEARCHWhen it comes to referrals to medical specialists for the infertile couple there is no better place to turn to then A TIME. Upon request, our staff will consult with medical specialists to assist and educate the couples. A TIME will do the research on any recommended treatments available to our couples.

1300 REFERRALS PER MONTH

NATIONAL CONFERENCESNationally recognized medical conferences where leaders in the field of infertility convene for a full day program of lectures and workshops. A TIME couples attending have the opportunity to learn from and meet with the best in the field.

PREGNANCY LOSS SUPPORT PROGRAMImmediate contact with couples who experience a pregnancy loss or stillbirth. Arrange with Chevra Kadisha for burials. A TIME also offers support groups and 1 on 1 counseling. A compassionate, supportive package including inspirational stories, soothing music, uplifting poems, and chocolate, is sent to ladies who experienced the loss of a pregnancy.

90 PACKETS SENT PER MONTH

QUARTERLY MAGAZINEA comprehensive and very popular magazine exclusive for A TIME couples and for fertility centers is published 4 times a year. Each magazine offers informative articles from medical professionals on the advances in infertility; uplifting stories from A TIME members sharing their experiences; lists of available

medical resources in members’ communities, humor, inspiration, information and a readers write column where we share letters from each other.

4,500 ISSUES MAILED

REFUAH NETWORKInterest-free loans as well as a comprehensive list of lending society’s providing free items and services for our couples.

SHABBOS NEAR HOSPITAL Full accommodations for hotels, food, local information, and all other necessities are provided for those who need to be in close proximity to a hospital over the Sabbath or any Jewish Holiday. In addition to the care and concern for the comfort of our members A TIME arranges for a nurse to assist in Shabbos Courier services when needed.

15 COUPLES PER MONTH

SUPPORT GROUPSTherapist-run workshops in person or via phone support addressing many of the issues faceing infertile couples.

500 COUPLES IN SUPPORT GROUPS

THE COMMITTEE FOR HALACHA AND TECHNOLOGYThe committee is comprised of leading Rabbis and doctors who train other Rabbi’s worldwide in the intricacies of infertility in Jewish Law.

WWW.ATIME.ORGA TIME’s website, provides our couples with a plethora of resources, including over a dozen infertility specialists who answer questions that are both posted on message boards and emailed to them directly; chat forums to share ideas and experiences, medical information and emotional support available 24 hours a day; a calendar and description of A TIME events for the coming year.

50,000 POSTS ANNUALLY ON OUR FORUM

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Pesach 5774 Mgazine:Tishrei Magazine 5774 3/31/2014 4:34 PM Page 37

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Chizuk from Within

his was originally written under my

pillow not to be exposed to anyone.

However, as I came across it as I was doing my

Pesach cleaning, I decided to submit it in the

hope that it would give chizuk to at least one

reader who can identify with my emotions.

June 30, 2013

Today is the day I’m being honored as

an alumnus at our annual seminary dinner.

Today is the day I will stand before a few

hundred women and deliver the speech I had

practiced over the past few weeks. “Nu, so are

you nervous? Were you able to sleep last

night?” my friends at work had quipped.

“Are you sure you have what to wear?” My

mother had checked with me an hour ago, a

hint of nervousness in her voice.

How ironic life can sometimes be. Little do

these people know how disinterested and

removed I am from today’s upcoming event…

Today is the day that I need to swallow,

smile, and say, “This is good for me, although

it is so painful.”

Today is the day that I thought I’d be

nauseous for good reasons, but instead I’m

nauseous because I have no appetite. I’m

exhausted, I’m disappointed, I’m frustrated,

and I’m afraid to think ahead. I’m afraid of

another loving rejection, of Hashem telling me,

“No, my dear, it’s not the right time yet for

your little miracle to arrive.”

I was so hopeful since August (When I made

my first appointment in a new center). I would

count nine months from September, then from

November, then from Chanukah, and then

from Purim. Each time I imagined how the

timing would work out, at what point of the

year and our lives we would be. It’s amazing

how many thoughts, calculations, conclusions,

and visions can fill my mind in such a short

time.

I feel that I need to release my thoughts –

here’s the negative. It wasn’t easy building

towers in my mind and then watching them

come tumbling down with one little minus

sign, with one speck of blood.

Each cycle was

very exhausting on

my part. I had to

get up at 5:30. It

was freezing, and

sometimes rainy.

The car services

cost a nice sum,

and the train rides

were highly unpleasant. The waiting room was also a

long, drawn-out process of waiting until the nurses

finished their morning muffins. Then, I would run home

and fly to work, already tired from my full morning.

The days when there was no progress were

sometimes so draining.

But then came the hardest two weeks of my life.

Waiting. Waiting. Anticipating. Dreaming. Imagining.

Yes? No?

By the time the two weeks were over I was

convinced each time anew that the test will be positive.

And then the tower fell.

And then…my bubble burst.

My hope shattered.

Reality hit me in the face. No Serech bas Asher

came to break the news gently. The answer was

abrupt, its presence indifferent to my sorrow in the

unapologetic manner it came into my life. NO! Maybe

next time…

Try again….

Try again?! That meant so much! More early

mornings, tense nights, injections, waiting, waiting,

instructions, hopes, trying not too hope too much –

such physical and emotional strain.

I’m exhausted,

I’m disappointed,

I’m frustrated,

and I’m afraid

to think aheadSnippetsDiary of

Experience

Tziporah Stein

It wasn’t easy building

towers in my mind and

then watching them come

tumbling down with one

little minus sign, with one

speck of blood.

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Hashem, give me koach, please.

Every Yiddishe woman dreams to raise her own

family. Every young girl can’t wait for the day when

she will earn the title “Mommy.” I also want to be

one! I’m nearing my 25th birthday – I so desperately

want a child. A child that will be a nachas to YOU, a

pure neshama that should retain its purity

throughout its lifetime. The pain that I endured until

this point should be a כפרה and should protect me

against צער גדול בנים, and may You protect us from

future suffering and from hereon things should go

well.

Ribono Shel Olem, I’m returning to my center

again on the morrow for another cycle. May this be

the last bit of hishtadlus and may we be zoche to be

entrusted with a pure neshama.

Hashem, I accept the pain you have sent to me

with love; I’m sure I can use the kaporos avonos.

Thank you for this bitter medicine, thank you for the

pain, and thank you for the no. And now I’m

begging you, listen to my voice; קולי שמע וראה דמע.

This time, bring our yeshuah, bless us with success,

and from hereon may things start looking up.

I accept upon myself to welcome Shabbos a few

minutes early if this cycle is successful and we are

zoche to a healthy child. Amen!

And Ribono Shel Olem, I beg you, prevent all the

other Yiddish couples from experiencing this searing

pain. Convert the suffering of other childless women

to the immense joy of being an .אם הבנים שמחה

Thank you, Hashem.Tziporah

P.S. I don’t want to harp only on the negative,

because I really do have a lot to be grateful for, so

here are my praises to You, Hashem:

טוב להודות לה’

1. Thank you Hashem for Yochanen, my devoted

husband! He’s a Talmud chacham who strives to

grow in learning and yiras shamayim. He’s

healthy, nice, handsome, and so understanding –

especially during my mood swings )which have

been occurring increasingly frequently(.

2. I am B”H healthy and blessed with chein.

3. I have a conmfortable apartment, not far from my

work.

4. I derive tremendous satisfaction from my job, as

well as the tutoring I do at night.

5. I have such great friends.

6. Yochenen has a wonderful maagid shiur, who

constantly infuses us with chizuk.

7. I am sociable and people like my company.

8. I am skinny and tall.

9. I B”H have wonderful parents.

10. I B”H have devoted in-laws.

11. I get along with my sisters-in-law.

12 . I have the means to pay my rent with and can

afford our basic needs.

13. I have a sister like Yitty!

ואלו פינו מלא שירה כים...אין אנחנו מספיקים!

August 5, 2013

Loving Father!

How do I express the gratitude I feel for the

chesed that you performed for me? I just put

down the phone after receiving the stunning

news. A positive! Yes, it’s true; I have learned

that You have implanted within me a neshama;

a precious neshama which I hope and I daven

will be ehrlich, healthy, whole, and pure. A

neshama which will be mine?!! I cannot find

the words of praise and gratitude with which to

thank You for the unbelievable news!

Yochanen and I are so full of joy. We

calculated the nine months right away and our

precious bundle is due to arrive right around

Pesach time! How appropriate! The time of

renewal and rebirth, the zman geula

v’yeshuah…what greater way for us to

celebrate this freedom so tangibly?

Dear Loving Aibishter! You know how we

were yearning for the moment of joy for this

gift of זרע חיא וקיימא. And this moment has finally

arrived. מה אשיב לה’ כל תגמלהו עלי! Tomorrow will

be Rosh Chodesh and I will be able to recite and

sing Hallel from the depths of my heart,

because I find such meaning in every word! נדרי

It is time to repay and fulfill my :לה’ אשלם

pledge. I will Bli Neder light Ner Shabbos a few

minutes early when I am zoche to give birth to

my precious child.

My gratitude knows no bounds, Loving

Father, as do my tefillos for the future. Please

give me the zchia of raising this child together

with Yochenan לתורה ולחופה ולמעשים טובים, and

that we merit to building a family easily, and be

zoche to nachas and righteous generations!

Dear Father, you granted me an

immeasurable gift. At this time, I plead, grant

yeshuas for the numerous couples who are

striving to reach this point; who are doing so

much hishtadlus and are pining for this gift too.

אחינו כל בית ישראל העונדים בצרה....המקום ירחם עליהם

Tziporah

“Hashem has perfect timing,

never early, never late.

it may take a little patience and a whole lot

of faith, but it’s worth the wait.

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L. Gluck

xtended family huddles around the creaking folding table, wearing thick charcoal gray and olive green sweaters, bent over plates of

steaming chicken soup.... A warm feeling of peace and unity prevails in the atmosphere. There’s something so special about the succah, something unique that only Jewish people can understand.

As the meal progresses, and the cousins warm up to each other, the familiar chit-chat and game playing begins. That niggling feeling rises in my throat, and I can do nothing to squelch it. What is it that bothers me so about the childish, meaningless game they call “Patterns?” For those of you in the dark, I will explain. They take turns around the table, as each child chooses a star on the wall and names the first three colors of its pattern, and all the others have to guess which star it is.

The stars on the wall twinkle, the shiny paper reflecting the joy inherent in the little succah. Each star has its unique shape, individual details and cut-outs, shades of color. I think that in essence, they are beautiful. But I hate the patterns.

Don’t they realize, patterns are a given; you know what comes next. They’re predictable. Life isn’t! I don’t mind the game. I mind the predictability all around me when none of it exists in my bubble of a world. Blue, red, gold, blue, red, _______. Fill it in, not too hard. Stark contrast to my life. Pop a pill, take a shot, fail, pop a pill, take a shot, pass, fail. The system is corrupt; it’s not spewing out patterns. Cycle, fail, cycle, pass, fail, cycle, fail.... All so seemingly random. No predictions are in place.

My mind is replaying different events which have occurred recently, in the world at large, and in my personal life: a variety of challenges, a smorgasbord of trials and triumphs, and it’s not over yet. Nor would I like for it to be over anytime soon. I’m seeking guidance as to how to accept that life is okay in its pattern-less state. I want to sit at the table on Succos without being prickly about the innocent game being played with such enthusiasm. I want to watch the kids with joy, be happy for them that their life is still semi-predictable; not with cynicism, thinking, they’re in for it when they grow up and realize how foolish they were.

I turn to my grandmother and hesitantly share some of my thoughts with her. She gives me that signature smiles of hers, takes my hand in hers, and says, “We’ll take a walk after the meal.” The meal passes; now it’s just she and I under the expanse of a clear, dark midnight sky. Millions of stars are shimmering above, creating that aura of déjà vu. She turns to me and says, “The stars in the night, they all

look identical. They all appear to be bright yellow, and approximately all the same size. That’s wrong. They vary in color, they’re vastly different in size. Each its own universe. They only project the image of likeness, of predictability.” I think about the stars creating the decor on the succah walls. They project an image. We walk in silence. She continues. “Stars are not people. Patterns are not life. They’re not meant to be. Not everything symbolizes what life is in actuality. We can take lessons from everything,

but it’s not the be-all and end-all.” I let the words sink in, and take a deep breath. Does she mean to say that the silly game of patterns ought not to have an effect on me? I ponder that. Am I being too rash, too prickly, in creating connections from mundane things to my life? Perhaps.

There are times when I wrongly interpret comments and actions. Negatively assume others are insensitive, unfeeling,

or uncaring. Too many connections, too many predictions on my part.

We head back to the succah after a couple of more minutes. “Accept,” my grandmother whispers. “Patterns are on the wall, not in your life. They’re not meant to be. But it’s okay to play the game.” I think I understand, and I nod my head. I wish her good night, and silently send up a prayer to Heaven that He help me internalize this concept. That He help me live my life peacefully with the words of my grandmother echoing in the background, bouncing off the walls of life.

“Creativity involves breaking out of established patterns in order to look at

things from a different way.

Chizuk from Within

Am I being too rash, too prickly, in creating

connections from mundane things to

my life?

Stars in the Night

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rowing up, Julie was certain of two

things – she wanted to be a doctor

and a mother. People tried to convince her

that they were incompatible, but with her quiet

determination she forged ahead, confident that

she would be able to balance the two.

In November 2006, when Julie was in her

second last year of medicine, she married Adam.

They both loved children and couldn’t wait to be

parents.

After two years of marriage, Julie completed her first year of medical internship. Her one goal almost within reach, she could not wait to start trying for a family. But G-d had other plans. A month later, Julie felt an unbearable pain in her right side. An ultrasound was done to confirm a suspected kidney stone, but instead they found a massive teratoma on her left ovary.

Julie begged her OB GYN to leave the tumor in place until she had her first child, but the doctor was adamant that the risk was too great. The tumor was removed, and was thankfully found to be benign. During the surgery, a piece of her left ovary had to be removed, and they were given the all clear to carry on trying to conceive.

Five months later, Julie was visiting Adam’s grandmother in ICU and collapsed to the floor. An excruciating pain throbbed through the right side of her abdomen. Scans showed that her entire abdomen and pelvis were full of blood, but the source of bleeding was unknown. She was rushed into emergency surgery.

They discovered a cyst on her right ovary which had ruptured and would not stop bleeding. She had inexplicably lost over half a gallon of blood and the only way to stop the bleeding was to remove her right ovary. Recovery was slow, but as soon as she recuperated, she was determined to carry on trying to conceive. Due to her complex medical history, her OB-GYN referred them to a fertility clinic.

All the routine tests were done, and nothing amiss was picked up with either Julie or Adam. After five months of standard ovulation treatment, Julie was found to have a severe form of Von Willebrands disease, a bleeding disorder which explained her previously massive blood loss. Her doctor was concerned about a cyst potentially rupturing on her remaining ovary and stopped fertility treatment.

The next stage was in-vitro fertilization (IVF). They were overjoyed when Julie became pregnant and excitedly told close family. But the very first ultra-sound revealed something wrong. As she lay on the examination table, Julie looked up at the monitor. The scan room closed in on her, and she felt surrounded

by darkness. As a doctor, she knew exactly what she should be seeing – but there was nothing to see. She burst into tears, and the doctor confirmed Julie was carrying an ectopic pregnancy.

They carried on with treatment. IVF number two and three failed. For IVF number four and five, they used frozen embryos and these also failed. The scan room became her most dreaded place – after weeks of hoping and praying, she would look up and see no heartbeat, and her heart would break.

With each failed treatment, she became more reclusive, throwing herself into her work. She worked overtime and weekends, and the hospital became her refuge. By this time, all her friends were having babies of their own. Under the guise of being on call she could stay away from birthday parties, weddings and functions which had become too painful to bear. Only G-d knew the depth of her suffering, as she prayed and prayed.

She struggled to make sense of what was happening. According to fertility experts, there was no medical reason why the treatments weren’t successful. She desperately wanted answers – she repeatedly begged G-d to tell her if she had done something wrong, and how she could make amends.

After extensive testing, Julie discovered that apart from Von Willebrands disease, she also had a genetic clotting disorder. Her IVF treatment plan was altered and they impatiently prepared for IVF number six. They grasped onto this scientific cure, and believed that this would finally be the one.

When this treatment failed, Julie and Adam entered a bleak and painful time. They couldn’t imagine going back for further treatment. Emotionally and physically drained by all the efforts, they took a long break from any treatment. A friend gave them two tickets to Israel, and they had a rejuvenating holiday in the Holy Land.

Julie had tried every avenue. Physically, she had done everything from acupuncture to reflexology and meditation. She participated in a variety of Jewish customs which focus on fertility which she felt brought

Chizuk from Within

Eliana Cline

Fertile FaithG-d doesn’t listen to statistics.

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her closer to G-d in a tangible way. There were times when she felt angry; but she turned to G-d as He was the only one who fully understood what she was going through.

Three years later, they were ready to try again. The Johannesburg doctors could not explain why the IVF wasn’t working. They were only 100% sure of one thing - due to her rare clotting and bleeding disorders and ovary issues – she would never conceive naturally.

They suggested a change of scenery, so Julie contacted a fertility expert in Cape Town. As a result of the treatment she had put on 40 pounds; and Dr. Davies would not consider treatment until she had achieved significant weight loss. After years of reflexology, acupuncture and any possible remedies, dieting was easy. She began exercising and taking better care of her body. She lost 25 pounds, and took a month off work to spend in Cape Town for her seventh treatment. They spent the three-day Jewish holiday of Shavuot in a remote town with nothing else besides the clinic in it.

They were convinced this one was going to work. And again, the scan showed no sign of life. They were losing hope. After two more failed IVF treatments, they decided they could not carry on like this. The treatments had taken a toll on her body as well as their

marriage. After every failed IVF, she would cry in her bed for hours. They seriously investigated alternative routes. She quit her demanding job and found employment as a medical consultant.

On Rosh Hashanah, she sat in shul with an empty feeling. She had been begging G-d for a child for four years, and was at a loss. She did not know what else G-d wanted her to

do. They decided they would take one last chance – a tenth round of IVF, and then commit to adoption.

As Sukkot approached, they were in a dilemma. On Simchat Torah there is auspicious custom for fertility known as Kol HaNearim when all the children stand under a tallit and recite the blessings together with an adult male.

For the past two years, Julie and Adam had received the Kol HaNearim honor at their synagogue. As Simchat Torah approached again, they couldn’t bear being the object of people’s public pity for a third time. But when a distinguished rabbi offered them the honor at a sunrise prayer service, they could not refuse. There was no one there who knew their situation, and as Adam was called up to the Torah scroll, Julie sobbed. She wondered whether they would ever have a child of their own standing under the tallit.

In November, Julie’s very regular cycle was late. After all the months of disappointment, every month still gave her a spark of hope. Leaving work on the sixth day, she barely had the strength to walk up the stairs to the parking garage. She collapsed on her bed and half-heartedly did a home pregnancy test. When it was positive, she didn’t believe it. She did four more, and then sat on the floor in shock.

Even after blood tests confirmed the pregnancy, she was terrified. The doctors were worried it was ectopic, and watched her like a hawk. For 13 weeks, she had weekly scans. The dreaded scan room slowly became a place of light as they saw their baby’s heart beating week after week. But they didn’t tell anyone. So much could go wrong. After the routine 20-week ultrasound, Julie’s heart finally started to flutter with excitement. Perhaps she would finally hold her own child in her arms.

As improbable as reaching this point was, her pregnancy was typical, but due to a calcifying placenta, a caesarean was scheduled for her 37th week. As little Benjamin Natanel was placed in her arms, tears of joy

streamed down her cheeks.

As the African sun peeked through the horizon on Simchat Torah the following year, Julie pushed two-month old Benjy to shul. Watching Adam cradle him under the tallit with all the other children, she was overwhelmed with gratitude for G-d’s kindness.

Until now Julie had always observed Jewish law, but it was an intellectual and distanced relationship. With Benjy’s birth she now sees G-d’s involvements in every aspect of her life. She does not know why she had to go through so much pain, but is a witness to the fact that it is only G-d Who runs the world, and that each life is created is a miracle.

*The names used in this article have been changed to protect the couple’s privacy. Reprinted with permission from aish.com.

They decided they would take one last

chance – a tenth round of IVF, and then commit to

adoption.

Perhaps she would finally hold her own

child in her arms.

“Sometimes you have to fight through difficult days to earn the best days in

your life.

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Chizuk from Within

At a moment of

Uncertainty

And insecurity

At a moment of

Doubt

And hester panim

To You we turn

At a moment of

Sorrow

And pain

At a moment of

Yearning

And seeking

To You

We

Plead

Our burden

You carry

Assisting us

Step

By step

Mending

Our broken

Hearts

As our

Inner emotions

Evoke

Hot tears

Streaming

Downwards

Upwards

Towards

The Listening Ear

MomentsShaina Baum

Worried... Unsure... Nervous...

You don’t have to do this alone!

We have the answers Speak with fertility experts who will guide youthrough your journey. We care. We can help.

Services:• Medical referral

• Helpline

• Insurance Advocacy

• Hashgacha/Supervision

• Private Consultations

• Pre Cancer Fertility preservation

• Pregnancy Loss Support

• Shabbos Near the

Hospital

• Shabbos Courier Services

• Meals with Heart

• Quarterly Magazine and Publications

• Educational and

inspirational events

• Phone Support

• Shabbatons

• Website

• Libraries

• Adoption

• Kol Chaya

Call the ATIME Helpline 718-437-7110For the best referral and advice on Infertilty:

1310 48th Street, Brooklyn, NY 11219 /helpline@atime.org/www.atime.org

The Com

mittee of Halacha and Technology

, Inc

.

A Project of

A TIME

718.686.8912 ext. 280

A TIME offers

Supervision

Please contact us at the start of your cycle and we will make all arrangements for you.

Servicing you in a discreet and compassionate manner.

www.atime.org Under the auspices of Harav Hershel Ausch

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to someone not yet blessed with children. All the men hadwhat to say! Whew, and my dear mother-in-law had herchance too! I excused myself from the table, went upstairs tomy room…cried….and fell asleep. (I’m cringing as I’m writingthis. It has never occurred since.) Never mind, I was ex-hausted. It must’ve been an hour later when my husbandcame upstairs to check on me. He woke me up, and ques-tioned as to why I was in bed. I told him that my stomachhurt (the heart is next to the stomach, isn’t it?) and that heshould call me down soon. He didn’t think into it too muchand obliged. Oh, and did I mention that the only woman atthe table was my mother-in-law? My sisters-in-law were tend-ing to their young children, putting them to sleep. It’s not likeI was missed down there. Why was it my fault that I had nokids to put to sleep? I put myself to sleep! When I finally took

the courage (or the maturity?) to go back down, thankfullyno one looked my way. I did not have to excuse myself to any-one. The rest of the Seder was OK, I mean, there were defi-nitely things that irked me here and there, but for the mostpart I was a good girl.

By the time the next Pesach came around, another year ofcycling later with a miscarriage somewhere in between (sorryin-laws, I knew you were hoping that I would actually getpregnant that Pesach….)I was more prepared, and more re-ceptive to the words “Kan Haben Shoel.”

Being the humans that we are, it’s almost expected that weact out of character here and there. It’s so normal. What’s notnormal is when it occurs more often than not. What’s great iswhen we use those episodes as stepping stones, as experiencesto learn and grow from.

““A man must be big enough to admit hismistakes, smart enough to profit from them,

and strong enough to correct them.”–John C. Maxwell

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to someone not yet blessed with children. All the men hadwhat to say! Whew, and my dear mother-in-law had herchance too! I excused myself from the table, went upstairs tomy room…cried….and fell asleep. (I’m cringing as I’m writingthis. It has never occurred since.) Never mind, I was ex-hausted. It must’ve been an hour later when my husbandcame upstairs to check on me. He woke me up, and ques-tioned as to why I was in bed. I told him that my stomachhurt (the heart is next to the stomach, isn’t it?) and that heshould call me down soon. He didn’t think into it too muchand obliged. Oh, and did I mention that the only woman atthe table was my mother-in-law? My sisters-in-law were tend-ing to their young children, putting them to sleep. It’s not likeI was missed down there. Why was it my fault that I had nokids to put to sleep? I put myself to sleep! When I finally took

the courage (or the maturity?) to go back down, thankfullyno one looked my way. I did not have to excuse myself to any-one. The rest of the Seder was OK, I mean, there were defi-nitely things that irked me here and there, but for the mostpart I was a good girl.

By the time the next Pesach came around, another year ofcycling later with a miscarriage somewhere in between (sorryin-laws, I knew you were hoping that I would actually getpregnant that Pesach….)I was more prepared, and more re-ceptive to the words “Kan Haben Shoel.”

Being the humans that we are, it’s almost expected that weact out of character here and there. It’s so normal. What’s notnormal is when it occurs more often than not. What’s great iswhen we use those episodes as stepping stones, as experiencesto learn and grow from.

““A man must be big enough to admit hismistakes, smart enough to profit from them,

and strong enough to correct them.”–John C. Maxwell

BrooklynMonseyLakewoodEnglandIsrael

917-783-9514

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Support

Every one of us is unique, and we each respond to challenges in our own special way. Infertility is a harbinger for many smaller challenges. Below are some that you may have

encountered. Which answer to the following scenarios describes your unique personality best?

1) When your alarm clock rings at 5:30am (or earlier!):

a- You jump out of bed with a smile – it’s another day!

b- You think how lucky you are that you have the ability to cycle.

c- You press snooze, turn over to the other side, and run out at the last minute to a honking car.

2) Your younger sibling calls you to share her news…

a- You react with much excitement and start planning what to make/do for the simcha.

b- You tell her how happy you are and let your tears start flowing once you hang up the phone.

c- You didn’t answer the phone because you suspected she’s calling to tell you what you didn’t want to hear.

3) You get the dreaded phone call from the doctor’s office; it’s negative once again:

a- You add this call to your List of Challenges Passed Successfully.

b- You painfully accept it as an unfortunate part of your life and schedule a visit with your doctor to plan the next step.

c- You cry, cry, cry, cry, and cry again.

4) You need an OB/GYN for your annual visit:

a- You go to the doctor most conveniently located and let people think whatever they want.

b- You make sure to wear a belt so that everyone knows you’re there for a different reason.

c- You go to a doctor in a remote area even though it’s inconvenient so that you avoid meeting anyone you might know.

5) Your friend makes a thoughtless comment on the phone, so you:

a- Change the topic and continue the conversation.

b- Tell her you need to go but you get over it and talk again the next day.

c- Finish the conversation abruptly and never talk to her again.

6) An acquaintance is approaching her second anniversary:

a- Let her know that you benefit from ATIME and if she’s interested you can hook her up.

b- Try to drop subtle hints on the topic in order to see her response.

c- You would never broach the subject; she’s probably pregnant, just not talking about it yet.

7) Your workmate is complaining that she’s not feeling well:

a- You wish her a Refuah Sheleimah.

b- You think of the times you didn’t feel so great and sympathize with her.

c- She must be expecting.

8) A close friend has a baby, you:

a- Make a massive cake, buy a nice present, or both.

b- Pay a short visit; just enough so she’s happy but not too long for you to be uncomfortable.

c- Pretend to ignore the fact. It’s way too painful, but in reality you don’t stop thinking about her.

9) Your class is having a reunion, you:

a- Start a conversation you can be part of and live it up.

b- Make the most of it despite the uncomfortable moments.

c- Stay home and cry. You would’ve liked to go, but it’s just too hard.

10) You need help sorting out your meds, you:

a- Call up a friend who’s “been there” to help you out.

b- Press speed dial to ATIME’s helpline or your center’s after-hours service.

c- Struggle until you figure it out on your own.

11) A classmate you didn’t hear from in a while calls:

a- You’re so happy to hear from her and let her know so.

b- You have a nagging feeling there’s a reason for her call, but enjoy the conversation nevertheless.

c- You’re sure she called to offer you the latest segulah or hear if you have news.

Nurturing Your Nature

Zlaty Kleinberger

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“Always remind yourself that it’s okay not to be perfect.

12) A friend is organizing a tehillim group with ATIMErs where each of you will say a yom l’chodesh, you:

a- Offer to help her organize such a wonderful project.

b- Jump at the opportunity to be part of the group and thank her profusely for arranging it.

c- Sharing your name is too public, so you opt out of joining.

13) You’re asked how long you’re married by a stranger at a wedding:

a- You answer, “We try to hold onto shana rishona forever.”

b- Say the truth; it’s a fact after all.

c- Blush, mumble, blush, turn away.

14) Your friend gets a new sweater that you like, you:

a- Ask her where she got it, maybe you can buy the same one.

b- Compliment her on her good taste.

c- You can’t believe it’s not maternity; you were sure she’s pregnant.

15) A group of neighbors are talking about a couple who went through infertility and had a baby, you:

a- Listen attentively and ask questions/comments where appropriate, like all those around.

b- Find it inspiring to hear that this stage will pass for you, too, iy”H.

c- Squirm uncomfortably because they are surely trying to give you a message.

16) How is your relationship with your school friends?

a- You’re interested in each other’s lives and you talk about everything including kids.

b- Why should IF change it?

c- You don’t keep up with anyone. Your lives are so different; how can you relate?

17) During the long winter nights, you:

a- Take advantage of not needing a babysitter by volunteering and going out with friends.

b- Take a course to strengthen your hobbies.

c- Sit at home, bored and lonely.

Rate yourself!Mostly A’s: Being involved in the situation is what helps you cope. You focus on others rather than focusing on yourself. You make the most of every situation no matter how tough it is, and although they may not say it, those around you greatly admire your positive way of handling the challenges thrown your way.

Mostly B’s: The pain is there and it hurts. That’s why you’re happy that others are not going through what you are. Those conflicting thoughts of being happy and sad at the same time can be really painful, but at least your perspective is right and with time, the situation will be easier to handle because of your positive attitude.

Mostly C’s: You wish that hiding out at home and avoiding social interaction will make you feel less left out. Unfortunately, you find that this only makes the social gap grow wider. Being at different stages in life doesn’t mean that you can’t relate to each other so work on keeping the connection strong. If only everyone that you suspect of being pregnant would actually be.

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Bringing Colorto Our Days

he summer is naturally colorful, sun-drenched and full of growth. It is when, regardless if our work

schedule changes, we just feel that freedom, the action, the call for adventure and relaxation. And hopefully we have ex-ploited the opportunity that summer has brought.

Now, when the summer vibrancy dims to the rustic hues of fall, only to darken further to monochrome with the first winter winds, it is often up to us to brighten our days. How can we go about bringing a spectrum of color into our lives?

Before you read on, take a moment to think about the col-ors that you like, the hues which you are naturally attracted to. You very well may find your calling inherent in those col-

ors, and you may want to add an extra brush of those upon the canvas of your life.

Adding BLUE or PURPLE to our days is often crucial to many of us. Blue is the color of purpose. Similarly, purple is the color of motivation. Blue and purple are colors that will give our days meaning and make each one count. It will make our time worthwhile and allow us to recognize our own value. You need to tap into yourself to discover your blue and pur-ple. For some it might mean taking on a chesed project like visiting the sick or elderly or volunteering for a worthy cause; others would like to enroll in a course and master new skills. Blue can manifest itself in a new resolution or commitment that you will stick to on a daily basis. If long term goals use too

much of your energy that is in high demand, being the kind of life we lead, you could just do something seemingly small at the end of each day, as long as you enjoy doing it. Make it worth your while!

A dollop of RED can be helpful, important, and definitely fun. Some of us like a lot of red smattered about, and some just a bit. Red is excitement and adventure and something very different that breaks up our routine. You don’t have to go to the amusement park to have your share of red. Plan a shopping trip to the mall, try out a new ice cream shop, or

even get together with a few friends for a fun game of Scrab-ble and popcorn. That will all add some excitement to your life. Be creative with your adventures so that your red doesn’t turn into a dull maroon. On days you (literally!) see red, you might find that adding some artificial red might make things more bearable!

And of course, we all need YELLOW. Yellow is happiness and liveliness and spunk. Open your window shades in the morning, even if the sun is not too brilliant that day. Don’t forget to keep the music playing! Easy on your eardrums, though… At night, as you drift off, think of two wonderful things that happened to you. Don’t forget the humor and to laugh at your troubles. It will give you the ability to overcome them.

GREEN is the color of nurturing and growth. Even among the barren wasteland of the outdoors and the seemingly stag-nant circumstances within, you can bring so much growth and nurturing. Do something for yourself; visit a spa, enjoy a massage, or listen to an inspirational speech. Pre-pare a special meal for your husband. Be kind to someone in your life who you might be uncomfortable with. The magic of giving is so healing, and there’s nothing like nurturing others

to make you feel better about yourself and your relationship with them.

PINK is the color of hope and of dreams. There will be days when you may not want to take her out and keep her hidden beyond reach. But on some days paint her all over the place. Focus on a time beyond the present; let your inner desires be aired out in the open and relish in the fulfillment of your dreams. Hope for better times and think of a wonderful fu-ture. Often our power of imagination for tomorrow can help us transcend the hurts of today.

BLACK does not have to re-main hidden either. From time to time you may want to explore her depths. It is okay to have some etchings of black here and there. Pondering morbid thoughts, lis-tening to a song that highlights

your sadness, or allowing yourself to cry and cry and cry also has a place in the spectrum. Mourning a dream - or a reality - is actually necessary sometimes. But of course, if blacks or greys take dominance over the others… that is not normal and not okay.

ORANGE, the color of warmth, is sorely needed. Surround yourself with people you love and enjoy. Sing warm songs and turn the heat up. Drink teas and strengthen your relationship with Hashem and with the people you care about. Love your-self, love others and forgive yourself.

Dip the brush into the pallet and make use of the variety of colors to keep the doldrums out of your days. Make your own color combinations for individual customization, for after all, we have different strokes for different folks!

Support

“One small positive thought in the morning can change your whole day.

Don’t forget the humor and to laugh at your troubles.

The magic of giving is so healing.

Mourning a dream - or a reality - is actually necessary sometimes.

As heard at a speech by L. Babad

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A professor was giving a

lecture to his students on stress management. He raised a glass of water and asked the audience, “How heavy do you think this glass is?”

The students looked at the glass and tried to es-timate its weight. They tried to analyze whether the glass was empty or full. They tried to decipher whether the cup he was holding was made from glass or plastic, which would obviously make a great difference to its weight. After peering for some time they began to guess; their an-swers ranged from 20gm to 500gm.

The lecturer listened to their various answers and then told his audience, “The exact and absolute weight is irrelevant, rather it depends on how long it is held. If I hold it for a minute, I can do so effortlessly. If I hold it for an hour, I will have pain in my right arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. If I were to hold it for a week, I could damage my hand,

blood vessels, bones and muscles seriously beyond repair. It is exactly the same weight, but the longer I hold it for, the heavier it becomes.”

The lecturer continued, “If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, we will not be able to carry on. With time, our energy is depleted and consequently the burden becomes increasingly heavier.”

From this simple demonstration he concluded, that in life, what we have to do, is to put the cup down, rest and unwind for a while before holding it up again. We must periodically put down whatever it is that we carry, so as to recharge and refresh ourselves. Then with renewed energy and stamina we will be able to continue on. After having rested, we can pick it up again but it is of great importance to learn to let go of the heavy weights, to learn that we cannot shoulder the challenges of life in-definitely without occasionally putting them down to rest and relax.

It is essential to take a break before we break. It is of utmost importance to take some time out, a short reprieve or a respite so that whatever burdens we are carrying on our shoulders can be picked up again after having had a break.

HiGHLiGHTSA Medley of Inspiration

,

Feedback and Impressions

from the first ever

A TIME Summer Weekend

RetreatJuly 3-5, 2014

Put Down The Glass: Letter Received befo

re the Shabbaton

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A humor-ous, yet meaningful

story was at the A TIME Shabba-ton toldAbout a young Yeshiva bochur in Slabodka - only seventeen years oldSo far away from home, literally hundreds of miles awayWith no phone to make a call, even for a short hello to sayOnly once every few months, a rare happening of chanceThat a package from home would arrive – oh how all the bochurim would dance!They would then all gather togeth-er contentedly, to share with one anotherAs they treated each peer with the love and care of a true devoted brotherAnd so it happened one day that close to seventy boys gathered in Yechiel Aryeh’s roomWith a freilichkeit and happiness, their hearts humming a joyful and merry tune“What is the first item being pulled from the box? – oh let us please all see!”“Wow! this is truly amazing and unbelievable – an entire smoked salami!”As they all ooh’d and aah’d, Yechiel Aryeh diligently measured and

meticulously cutEnsuring that albeit a small piece – every boy in the room was guaranteed to have gotWhile the bochurim were sa-voring the taste with a gesh-

mack and zest like no otherA small detail they mistakenly overlooked – why no piece was left for the cutter!But by the time they realized what was done, it was already unfortu-nately too lateAs every morsel of meat had been gustily eaten, with nothing now left on the plate!“Oiy Yechiel Aryeh - we feel so very bad!” they exclaimed so earnestly“On oversight so impolite – con-trary to you who acted so nicely!”“It’s really okay my dear friends” replied Yechiel Aryeh with a smile,As he bent down to the box to take out the next item from the pile“I too apologize to you, that this with you I cannot share,As I am sure in hilcos basar v’cholov you are learned and aware”

“For a delicious homemade cheese-cake is in my precious package as well,Topped with cherries, berries, choc-olate - and oozing with caramel!”“I’ll have to eat it by myself - all alone I guess,So it really isn’t so bad… that I was left salami – less!”

A true and humorous story – quite a shtick pulled off indeedBut perhaps for all of us at A TIME,

it can plant in our minds a seedYes, delicious bits of salami are yummy – especially to one who is hungry and in needAnd when properly cut and distrib-uted, just a little roll can so many satisfyingly feedBut when push comes to shove – as Yidden we must stay focused on “the main”On how through life’s difficult and hurting times will we properly sustain?To always hold on strong and proud - despite the daily inner palpable painBy knowing that all is lovingly from Above – to devotedly accept and not complain“Easier said than done” is surely what enters all our minds at firstOh how for a home filled with laughter and lechtigkeit we so long-ingly thirstBut that it can be done we know - deep in our hearts without a doubtAs “Shema Yisroel... HaShem Echad” we so diligently daily daven and shoutNevertheless, it will surely help us all get through if every morning when we awakeWe imagine how sweet it will be for us - when we’ll receive our Heavenly baked cheesecake!When lightness will finally forever shine - and darkness be put away at lastThen we will thank HaShem with all our hearts… for not serving us salami in the past!

Landed but still flying. What an amazing weekend!

“I want to go home, back to where I love to be with my husband and in EY but I don’t want to leave all this behind. Farewells have always been hard for me. I am excited to be going home and tearful about leaving..........I will have to take what I can with me then I won’t really be leaving you and all of it behind. Every single person touched me, I am taking you and so much inspiration home with me in my heart. We are never apart you are always a part of me.”

Calling all passengers to gate B31 for EL AL flight to Israel…………boarding, take off…………..we wing our way upwards, soaring in the sky beyond the clouds to heavenly heights.

Flying shortly before nightfall towards the East-ern Hemisphere, night does not fall. Instead for many long hours the skies remain ablaze streaked with brilliant fiery hues, sweeping shades of crimson red, burgundy and deep orange. Flying as we are towards day, the sun does not set. The orange hues turn to a bright golden yellow. Morning sunrays shine brightly as we fly over the snow-peaked Swiss Alps on towards Israel, arriving in the mid-dle of the day in a clear cloudless sky of brilliant sunshine.

Calling all ATIME passengers, to gate Be Positive for a Shabbos of Mah Tovu, hope and delight………….boarding in Stamford Hilton, the Shabbos takes off.

We wing our way upward to unimag-inable lofty heights, beyond the clouds that sometimes block our way and mar our vision. Our hearts are ablaze, our souls aflame. We fly high above the rocky crags and challenges of life, on words of chizuk, melodious tunes, and soul stirring songs. The sun will not set; our souls have been lit and are aflame. Along with the spiritual brightness there is the shining light of camara-derie - hearts which understand and feel for one another. Yiddishe faith, the knowledge that we have each other and that we are never alone – ki Atoh Imodi, allows a brightness to shine. We are holding on tight and being held tightly; embraced in Hashem’s love we are braced with strength. Night will not fall - it will not be dark if we hold on to all the inspiration. If we can keep hold of the chizuk, we will always be able to find light that will brighten our paths as we continue traveling onward and upward towards an even brighter light; the light of the Yeshua both l’klal ul’eprat.

I have landed but I am still flying. I am back in EY where I just love to be and though I hope I left some chizuk with all of you in the USA, I have returned with much heavier baggage, packed with all the chizuk we gained over Shabbos. 

Parting Thoughts: Mrs. Y. RoitenbargLingering Inspiration:

Rabbi Muller

Appreciation we can’t find the words to convey,The Shabbos Hischaskis was amazing in every way.Individual couples arrived feeling alone and pained,Meeting and schmoozing with others, much Chizuk was gained.Every detail of the weekend was arranged with thought and care,

Such wonderful program, food and more; we felt lucky to be there.Have to remember it is okay to eat cheesecake alone,And when grandpa is the judge, no reason to moan.But when tears come, Hashem should be the address,Built on the correct foundation, life is never a mess.Over time the check in our pocket we will carry along,Supplying us with memories of the Shabbaton, to keep us strong.

I really gained a lot of chizuk over the entire Shabbos from all the speakers: Mrs. Brenda katina, Mrs. Rivky kushner, Mrs. Yendelle Roi-tenberg, thank you for sharing your stories with us; it really gave me the courage to continue my own journey. I am saying this with my full heart. Rav Wachsman’s speech was excellent.

Thank you the entire ATIME staff for arranging such an uplifting Shabbos. Hashem should repay all of you. May we all be zocha to see the Gualah B’Karev.

Feedback and Impressions

My husband and I wanted to thank you for the lovely and inspiring A TIME Shabbaton. We heard uplifting stories of strength, met amazing people and had great food. It was evident that you and the other A TIME staff have worked tirelessly and put a lot of effort into this Shabbaton. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts for all the work that you did and constantly do for couples who need all the support they can get throughout this challenging journey. G-d Bless you and our family; bless A TIME and all the volunteers for your constant work to make our lives easier!!

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This Shabbos was beyond amazing! It was so full of inspiration, warmth and loving kindness. I’ve never experienced anything like this. The speeches were all fantastic.

Thank you A TIME for a beautiful uplifting Shabbos.

It was the best ever. The crowd was so amazing. I initially went for the fun of it, thinking I was

above chizuk... I was so wrong. I was so inspired by the people I have met. I feel

small... The ruach of kedusha was palpable…I have a feeling that lots of yeshuous were poil’ed.. Iy”h next year you should all be ineligible!! Thanks to Brany and everyone at ATIME. Special thanks to all overseas guests. You have enhanced the experi-ence so much. And to Mrs. Roitenberg, thank you for gracing us with your beautiful thoughts. You are a fountain of inspiration! I’m still on a high...

This year’s shabbaton was amazing in all aspects! I’ve never enjoyed it so much!

The speakers were phenom-enal! Thank you Mrs. Y. Roiten-

berg for inspiring us. Your warm-ing words and personal strength will stay with us forever!

The crowd was one of a kind! I had beautiful conversations with the most amazing people. Thank you for joining!!

The real star of the show this Shabbos was the heartfelt emotion brought on by tireless A TIME volunteers, who clearly only wanted to provide the most elegant, pampering & spiritual Shabbos in their power to offer. Let me tell you, they succeeded! Everywhere you turned, peo-ple were smiling & laughing, discussing divrei torah & chizuk and honestly, I am so incredibly grateful to have been a part of it. I walked away with a handful of new friends, a heart full of

emotion and a neshama on fire with ruchnius! This Shabbos provided a million times more than I could ever have expect-ed. As a first time goer, I cannot stress to those of you who may be think-ing of attending the next one: do it! I was nervous, unsure of what to expect & a little scared, like many of the other newbies. It was worth it. Thank you, thank you, thank you a million times over.

(Make sure to listen to the song on the CD enclosed.)

I believe in HashemI trust in HashemThere never is a moment whenThat I am alone, that I’m on my ownI believe and I trust in HashemBecause I understand, that He’s holding my handAnd every step is perfectly plannedHe’s holding me tightSo I’ll be all rightI believe and I trust in Hashem

One day a ship was sailing the oceanOn the tranquil, clear blue seaSuddenly a storm eruptedWith thundering and lightning mightilyOh vay…oh vay... the goyim started to wail and to cryThe ship’s turning over were all gonna dieThe waves are smashing over the massThe ships not gonna lastOh vay…oh vay... The decks are flooded both lower and upperThe livyasin is going to have us for supperWe’re going be ground to a pulp and served on a dishWe’re gonna be turned into gefilte fishBut on the ship there sits a YidCalm and collected, different from the restThe others ask him, “What’s the matter with you?”He just smiles at them and he says:

I believe in HashemI trust in HashemThere never is a moment whenThat I am alone, that I’m on my ownI believe and I trust in HashemAnd I understand, that He’s holding my handAn every step is perfectly plannedHe’s holding me tightSo I’ll be all rightI believe and I trust in Hashem

A room filled with investors, bankers and CEOsThey’re making the deals, we will control how everything goesThe shares will go up as we decideAnd we’ll make a fortune on the rideOh vay…oh vay... The great investor suddenly has a very worried frownWhat was meant to go up is now going downHow did this happen? How could it be?What happened to כוחי ועוצם ידי?Oh vay…oh vay... Ill quickly do a straddle or I’ll make a hedgeI’ll save my money from going over the edgeOh that plan didn’t work..ouch it hurtsOh vay…Are we losing our shirts???But a Yid sits there ignoring it allIt’s not in the hands of a בשר ודםThe banker sits all worried and forlornBut the Yid sings בקול רם:

I believe in HashemI trust in HashemThere never is a moment whenThat I’m on my own, that I am aloneI believe and I trust in HashemAnd I understand, that He’s holding my handAn every step is perfectly plannedHe’s holding me tightSo I’ll be all right

I believe and I trust in HashemA big, fancy Lexus pulls upAn important person is in there for sureInside there sits a famous doctor The doors open by his chauffeur

Oh vay…oh vay... He gets the reports and he reads them throughThere’s nothing that can be done for youHe’s sure that in שמים he’s heardAnd הקבה is following his instructions word for wordOh vay…oh vay... I think this and I think thusListen here, we’ve got a bossHe’s bigger than me and he’s bigger than youHe’s bigger than all of us

I believe in HashemI trust in HashemThere never is a moment whenThat I am alone, that I’m on my ownI believe and I trust in HashemAnd I understand, that He’s holding my handAn every step is perfectly plannedHe’s holding me tightSo I’ll be alrightI believe and I trust in Hashem

When a Yid lives בטחון and אמונה There is no limit to what he can achieveWhen he trusts in Hashem with all his heartWhen he says, “I believe”I believe, I believeI believe that to Hashem it’s all the sameor one drop of rain קריעת ים סוף The galaxies, the stars, or a mosquito taking a swimIt makes no difference to himI believe, I believeI believe that He’s stronger than all of my fearsThat He hears my תפילות and He counts my tearsAlthough it’s tough He’s there with me לא אירא רא כי אתה עמדי

I believe, I believeI believe that the אייבישטער is the כל יכולדי ג-ט פון שרה, רבקה, לאה און רחלדי ג-ט פון אברהם, יצחק און יעקבוואס צו זיין ישיעות איז נישט דא קיין מעקבWhen it comes to ישיעות He’s the מומחהHe taught us עבדו את ה' בשמחהTrust in Me and you will seeלשיעתך ה' קויתיקוה אל ה' חזק ואמץBe filled with hope and be strongBecause when you sing and dance for meThe מלאכים will sing along

I believe in HashemI trust in HashemThere never is a moment whenThat I am alone, that I’m on my ownI believe and I trust in HashemAnd I understand, that He’s holding my handAn every step is perfectly plannedHe’s holding me tightSo I’ll be alrightI believe and I trust in Hashem

Ever since I came home from the Shabbaton of “A TIME”,I’ve been wanting to sit down to write a short rhyme.To just somehow try to express my appreciation,For the most amazing Shabbos, it was such an inspiration!I came for the first time- feeling a bit shy,But I left rejuvenated, my spirits on a real high.The speeches & chizuk that came from the heart,Such a friendly atmosphere, it felt so special to be a part. The food with all the details, & the beautiful singing,The song with R’ Ephraim Wachsman in my mind is still ringing! I want to say a very big thank you,May you continue to have Siyata Dishmaya in all that you do!

The amazing ATIME staff doesn’t need to guess how heavy the glass is. You know just how weighty an empty cup and empty nest is. You know that from time to time the cup must be put down and so your de-voted team invests much time and enor-mous effort into making this wonderful retreat. It is not only a retreat but also a treat, relished by so many who gain from all it has to offer. Not only do your couples get to put their cups down; they go home infused with chizuk and inspiration. It al-lows them to recharge, empowers and en-ables them to keep going, growing and glowing. After having the opportunity to

put the cup down they are able to pick it up again with an attitude of מה טובו and despite the challenging circumstances, are able to view the glass of life as half full.

I wish you and all your couples to have full and fulfilling lives, full nests and full cups. May we all be zoche to hold cups that overflow with bracha; sheyemale Hashem kol mishalos libeinu letovah.

Hashem holds a cup filled with our tears. Can we even begin to estimate how heavy it must be? One thing, though, is certain, it must nearly be full. It will soon

run over and when it does our cups, our homes and our lives will be filled with tremendous bracha and yeshuos – kos yeshuos eso uveshem Hashem ekro.

יבנה המקדש עיר ציון תמלאושם נשיר שיר חדש וברננה נעלההרחמן הנקדש יתברך ויתעלהעל כוס יין מלא כברכת ד’.

Singing with Emunah: R’ Ephraim Wachsman

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n important question in the treatment of  infertility    with  IVF    is this - When is an

embryo able to implant into the uterus? If a normal embryo is placed into the uterus too early or too late based on its stage of development, then implantation will fail. For many years, it was believed that the “window of implantation” was a small time frame that occurred a fixed number of days after ovulation. Recent studies have shown that for some women - this may not always be true.

Before ovulation, while an egg is developing, the ovary is producing the hormone estrogen. This is called the follicular or proliferative phase. Estrogen causes the uterine lining to thicken. If an embryo were to be placed into the uterus during this time, it would not be able to implant or produce a pregnancy. 

After ovulation, the ovary produces the hormone progesterone. This is called the luteal or secretory phase. Progesterone causes numerous changes in the uterine

lining that allow an embryo to implant. However, it seems that there are only a few days during the secretory phase in which the embryo can implant. This is known as the window of implantation. 

How do scientists determine the days that the uterus is able to allow implantation? Many types of tests have been tried. The earliest attempts involved looking at the uterine lining under a microscope. Definite changes can be seen under a microscope in the uterine lining as it goes from the proliferative to the secretory phase. However, detecting the very subtle changes needed to distinguish a receptive uterine lining is very difficult. The pathologists who view the uterine lining under the microscope will often have different assessments from one another. Stated another way, microscopic analysis of the uterine lining is not accurate or reproducible. 

Another type of test involves looking at specific “markers” in the uterine lining. The cells of the uterine lining have a large number of structures on their surface.

It was hoped that there might be a specific marker that would be present only when the lining was receptive and not at other times. The most popular of these markers is called beta-3 integrin. While there was initially great hope for the use of these marker tests as indicators for the window of implantation, they have failed to improve the outcomes in IVF cycles.

Endometrial receptivity arrayThe most recent test of endometrial receptivity

uses some very sophisticated technology which measures the amount of RNA that the cells of the uterine lining produce. 

Remember, each cell in the uterine lining has a nucleus which contains the genetic material known as DNA. DNA is the coded blueprint for the instructions that a cell needs to carry out its function. For example, if a cell’s purpose is to make a certain protein, the DNA contains the code for how to make the protein. The code is “translated” into a slightly different form called RNA and the RNA tells the cell which amino acids to combine to make the protein. 

 The uterine lining cells make more of a certain

type of RNA at one time of the cycle and less in another time of the cycle. Scientists have used powerful computer chips to look at the amount of RNA produced at different times of the cycle. Then, using computer algorithms, they could detect patterns in the RNA production. Some RNA levels may not correlate with the window of implantation at all. Other types of RNA may be present in higher amounts and some may be present in lower amounts. In total, scientists have found 138 types of RNA (so far) that help in determining the window of implantation. 

This endometrial receptivity array is very powerful. First, it is very accurate at determining

when the window of implantation is “open”. Second, it is very reproducible. Studies were done on patients where they took two samples at the same time of the cycle several months apart. Most often, the results of the tests were the same.

The most interesting part of the endometrial receptivity assay is that it has identified that some women might have a receptive uterus at an earlier time than expected and some might be receptive at a later time. Infertility specialists can then use this information to change the time that embryos are placed into the uterus so that it matches up better with the window of implantation.

 

How common are uterine receptivity problems?

In studies of women with recurrent failed IVF cycles – about 25% of the women were found to have a non-receptive uterine lining at the time it was expected to be receptive. In infertile women without a history of recurrent in vitro fertilization failures, about 12% of the women were non-receptive.

Of those women with a non-receptive uterine lining, most (85%) were found to have their window of implantation shifted later in the cycle. These women were said to be pre-receptive. The remaining 15% had their window of implantation shifted earlier in the cycle, these women are called post-receptive. 

Medical

Treating Uterine

Causes of Recurrent iVF Failure

A

Infertility specialists can then use

this information to change the time that embryos are placed into the uterus so that it matches up better

with the window of implantation.

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How do you correct these problems with uterine receptivity?

There are some case reports and small studies in which doctors changed the timing of the embryo transfer according to the results of the

endometrial receptivity assay. One such study looked at women

with recurrent IVF failures when the embryos were

high quality. These patients had failed

in anywhere from one to six previous attempts. Most did not become pregnant, a few became pregnant

but miscarried – none had achieved

a live birth. Doctors then changed the time

of the embryo transfer based on the results of the endometrial receptivity

assay and found that 67% achieved an ongoing pregnancy. 

This is very encouraging evidence that this may be a useful test. However, more data needs to be collected. At the current time, scientists and doctors are conducting a worldwide multicenter study to try to determine with the greatest certainty possible, whether the endometrial receptivity assay test is a useful method to help improves a woman’s fertility.

How if the test performed?The endometrial receptivity assay is

performed by obtaining the tissue from the

uterine lining at a very specific time. This can be done in one of two ways:

1) If a woman ovulates, she can use a home urinary ovulation predictor test to detect the LH surge. This is considered day 0. On day 7, she will go to the fertility doctor for the test.

2) Another method is to use medications to prepare the uterine lining using the hormones estrogen and progesterone. This is the method we usually use for performing a frozen embryo transfer    cycle. The day the progesterone is started is day 0. The test is done on the fifth day after that.

On the appropriate day (using either method), the doctor or nurse practitioner will perform an endometrial biopsy. First, a speculum is placed into the vagina so that the cervix (opening of the uterus) can be seen. The cervix is stabilized and then a catheter (like a thin, flexible plastic straw) is advanced through the cervix into the uterine cavity. A plunger in the catheter is withdrawn. This creates suction in the catheter which draws endometrial tissue inside the catheter. The catheter is then removed.

The endometrial biopsy does not take very long but most women find it very uncomfortable. 

The results are available in about three weeks. If the results show that the endometrium is non-receptive, it is recommended that the test be repeated either earlier or later when the lining is thought to be receptive in order to confirm that this is the correct time to transfer the embryos.

www.Ivf1.com

For many years, it was believed that the “window of

implantation” was a small time frame that

occurred a fixed number of days after ovulation.

Pesach 5774 Mgazine:Tishrei Magazine 5774 3/31/2014 4:33 PM Page 21

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ere, I think all physicians would like to answer very simply that the

14 years of college we needed to go through to be Reproductive Endocrinologists allow us to magically come up with the correct protocol. This answer is very silly, yet there is a hint of truth to it. At a baseline, what we are trying to achieve by the stimulation is to change the natural order of the ovary’s function and therefore allow the patient’s body to swing the odds towards conception in her favor.

The ovary itself is a bank of eggs that are created only while the patient is a fetus. Women are born with every egg they will ever have, around one million of them. These eggs are quiescent, in other words in a state of suspended animation. What naturally occurs on a regular and repetitive basis are waves of egg development at a fairly constant rate. Each month about 300 or so of these eggs “wake up” and start their developmental process towards full maturity and the capacity to be fertilized. This cycle of ovarian growth lasts for about 80 days until the egg is fully mature and ready to be fertilized. The same process occurs in all women all of the time, regardless of whether the rest of the body is set up to allow for this maturation process. As examples, the same thing occurs in a female child or during a pregnancy; it is just that none of the eggs are matured in these timeframes.

The stimulation is set up to alter this equation and allow for the creation of more than one mature egg out of each cycle. Therefore the first part of the protocol must include some method of removing the brain’s control over ovulation. As the brain uses estrogen levels as a trigger to cause ovulation (when the level of estradiol, an estrogen, gets to about 100-150 pg/ml, the leutinizing hormone (LH) surge occurs), we must prevent this from happening. This is the purpose of the birth control pills and the medication Leuprolide acetate (Lupron®). The use of the Lupron is a double-edged sword however. When it is used for a prolonged period – greater than 5-7 days – it can inhibit the ability of the ovary to respond to stimulation. In those patients who are expected to be difficult to stimulate (women who are in the later years of their reproductive life; those who have poor testing results prior to the stimulation; or patients who have not responded to standard stimulations before), some REIs leave the Lupron off and, as the follicles get bigger,

place the patient on a medication called a GnRH-antagonist. This stops the brain from messing things up simply by blocking the receptors responsible and thereby preventing ovulation.

I do not like doing this, for LH can have a negative effect on the eggs even

before the follicle gets big enough to start the GnRH-antagonist. Therefore, our protocols can sometimes include a “combined” approach by starting Lupron and before it would have a significant effect on inhibiting the ovary, it is stopped and an antagonist started. This combination cycle allows for all follicles to develop properly and without the negative inhibiting effect of the Lupron.

In order to further “sensitize” the ovary in preparation for stimulation synthetic estrogen can be given in order to increase the number of estrogen receptors in the ovary, hence increasing the possibilities of response. This is called estrogen addback and can again help increase the response in patients who have shown themselves to be low responders.

The last part of the stimulation is the actual amount of stimulatory FSH taken at each dose. While this can (and should) vary from patient to patient, it is based on the sense of the reactivity of the ovary. We base this decision on the lab testing done prior to the stimulation. The two main foci in this case will be follicle stimulating hormone (FSH) and anti-mullerian hormone (AMH). These are indirect measures of the capacity of the ovary to produce estrogen hormone (in the case of FSH) and the production of fertilizable eggs (AMH). These two measures give your doctor the sense of the overall function of the ovary. As the ovary ages, the FSH (which the brain uses to stimulate the ovary to get the estrogen it demands) increases as the capacities of the ovary decrease. AMH on the other hand decreases as the relative number of quality follicles decreases. At the Sher Institute we use a numbered system that goes from 1-10. A “1” would be a slight nudge and a “10” would be a very big push to the ovaries. The ultimate decision on the specific amount

of medication given should be tailored specifically to the individual patient and to the individual cycle, for information gleaned from a previous stimulation can be used to adjust these doses for an optimal result.

Women are born with every egg they will ever

have, around one million of them.

The stimulation is set up to alter this

equation and allow for the creation of more than one mature egg

out of each cycle.

Medical

How Does the Doctor

Decide on the Stimulation

Protocol?Dr. Gary Horowitz

Sher Institute-Central Illinois Clinic

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olycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS)  is a relatively common hormonal disorder  that is one of the leading causes of

infertility. Some women who have PCOS develop insulin resistance. This occurs when the cells of the body don’t respond well to a hormone known as insulin. Insulin allows the cells to take sugar (glucose) from the blood. If the cells don’t take in this sugar it leads to higher levels of glucose and insulin circulating through the body in the bloodstream. This, in turn, leads to increased levels of androgens (male hormones) which cause the classic symptoms of PCOS such as excess hair growth and more importantly in terms of fertility – lack of ovulation.

Here are the Top 10 facts about metformin use in PCOS patients:

1) Metformin is a medication that is primarily used to treat type 2 diabetes. It is marketed in the US under the names Fortamet, Glucophage, Glucophage XR, Glumetza and Riomet. It is available as a tablet, extended-release tablet and a liquid.

2) With infertility patients, it is used not because the women with PCOS have diabetes (although they do have an increased risk of developing this disease), but because it acts on improving use of insulin by the cells of the body and therefore reducing the level of insulin in the blood. This can lead to improved ovulation, more regular menstrual cycles as well as a reduction in excessive hair growth, acne and weight

gain. It may also slow down or prevent the development of type 2 diabetes later in life.

3) To determine if it would be helpful for a patient with PCOS to use Metformin, they are given a 2 Hour Glucose Tolerance Test. First, a fasting blood sample is drawn to determine a baseline glucose level. The patient then consumes a drink that has a high concentration of sugar. After two hours, the blood test is repeated. If the results indicate that an increased level of glucose is present that indicates that the body is not properly using insulin, and that the patient would benefit from the use of Metformin. If so, additional blood tests are drawn to insure that that the patient’s liver and kidneys are functioning normally.

4) It is generally safe to take metformin in pregnancy. Animal studies have revealed no evidence of harm to the fetus, however, there are no adequate studies in pregnant women OR animal studies have shown an adverse effect, but adequate studies in pregnant women have failed to demonstrate a risk to the fetus. It is also safe to take metformin when breastfeeding.

5) Proper use: Metformin should be taken with meals to help reduce stomach or bowel side effects that may occur during the first few weeks of treatment.

Swallow the extended-release tablet whole with a full glass of water. Do not crush, break, or chew it.

While taking the extended-release tablet, part of the tablet may pass into your stool after your body has absorbed the medicine. This is normal and nothing to worry about.

Measure the oral liquid with a marked measuring spoon, oral syringe, or medicine cup. The average household teaspoon may not hold the right amount of liquid.

Use only the brand of this medicine that your doctor prescribed. Different brands may not work the same way.

You may notice improvement in your blood glucose control in 1 to 2 weeks, but the full effect of blood glucose control may take up to 2 to 3 months. Ask your doctor if you have any questions about this.

6) Dosing: The dose will be different for different patients. The daily dose varies from 500 mg to 2000 mg orally daily. It is usually started a low dose and then very gradually increased to

the full dose over a period of about four weeks. If you miss a dose, please take it as soon as possible. However, if it is almost time for your next dose, skip the missed dose and go back to our regular dosing schedule. Do not double doses.

7) Precautions: Metformin may interact with the dye used for an X-ray or CT scan. Your doctor my advice you to stop taking it before you have any medical exams or diagnostic tests that might cause less urine output than usual. Discuss with your doctor any other medications you are taking as they may interact with metformin. Drinking alcohol may cause severe low blood sugar. You can have low or high blood sugar levels when on metformin. These can occur with lack of exercise, fever or infection.

8) Under certain conditions, too much metformin can cause lactic acidosis. The symptoms of lactic acidosis are

severe and quick to appear, and usually occur when other health problems not related to the medicine are present and are very severe, such as a heart attack or kidney failure. Symptoms of lactic acidosis include abdominal or stomach discomfort, decreased appetite; diarrhea; fast or shallow breathing; a general feeling of discomfort; severe muscle pain or cramping; and unusual sleepiness, tiredness, or weakness.

9) Metformin does have some side effects, including nausea, diarrhea and excess gas. These generally occur only

while the body is first getting used to the medication, and then they subside. Other common side effects include abdominal or stomach discomfort, cough or hoarseness, decreased appetite, fast or shallow breathing, fever or chills, general feeling of discomfort, lower back or side pain, muscle pain or cramping, painful or difficult urination, sleepiness

10) There are some data suggesting that metformin may  reduce the incidence of ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome in PCOS patients undergoing IVF.

Metformin is only part of a complete program for controlling diabetes or PCOS. It is important that you always eat a healthy diet, watch your weight, and get regular exercise. If you have been diagnosed with PCOS, you should talk to your physician about how Metformin could be a helpful addition to your infertility treatment and your overall health.

www.inviafertility.com

It is important that you always eat a

healthy diet, watch your weight, and get

regular exercise.

Medical

Top Ten

Factsabout

Metformin and PCOS

Janet Chiaramonte

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Cortisol blocks the release of leptin from fat tissue and reduces the production of dopamine. These hormones are involved in decreasing hunger and cravings. Leptin and dopamine send a signal to your brain that you’ve had enough food and it’s time to start burning fat. If the production of these two hormones is inhibited by too much cortisol, you will continue to feel hungry, and crave foods like cheese, nuts, chips, and alcohol.

Women who are overweight, with a BMI of 30 or more, generally have the most trouble conceiving. Research shows that these women can be up to 43% less likely to achieve spontaneous pregnancy, as it has been suggested that leptin disruption may interfere with fertilization.

2. Insulin DysregulationThe meal that you consume after a skipped meal can spike

your insulin in two ways…

First, via increased cortisol, which can also raise blood sugar. Second, people tend to “fast and feast” meaning that after a skipped meal, they go for an easily available carbohydrate-heavy meal, since carbs fuel the brain and muscles.

Long-term insulin dysregulation is a huge problem  for women who are trying to conceive and is one of the key symptoms of Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). PCOS also happens to be one of the main causes of infertility today and often arises when women have recently transitioned into a more “Western” diet. A study published this year showed that the only therapy that restored normal glucose tolerance in subjects with PCOS was intensive lifestyle modification [Chaffin, 2014].

3. Estrogen DominanceAs we’ve established, cortisol increases when you skip

meals. Where does the cortisol come from? It’s made from another hormone called progesterone. Some of you may know that a woman’s menstrual cycle heavily depends on the healthy balance between estrogen and progesterone. If you continuously skip meals, you use up a lot of your progesterone to create cortisol. This results in  estrogen dominance  and can present as a variety of symptoms

including PMS, irritability, breast tenderness, bloating, headaches, anxiety, decreased libido and of course, an irregular cycle. This makes it difficult to know if you’re ovulating on time or whether or not you’re ovulating at all. The first step to conceiving is ensuring a regular cycle, and unfortunately, this can be compromised by skipping meals.

4. Thyroid DysfunctionAnother consequence of increased cortisol is the fact

that it directly inhibits something in your brain called the hypothalamus, which can inhibit the release of thyroid hormone. Over time, this can result in suboptimal function of the thyroid gland, or symptoms of hypothyroidism.

Both infertility and miscarriage are more common when the thyroid gland is not functioning properly. There is a 30-40% increased need for thyroid hormone during pregnancy, so women with an existing thyroid condition (even one that’s subclinical) should seek treatment prior to conception.

Final Thoughts

Having a lot on your plate metaphorically, doesn’t mean it’s okay to literally leave food off your plate and make a habit of it. At the end of the day, it’s all about valuing your nutrition levels and daily food intake.

Take small steps daily to  ensure that your body is healthy and well prepared afor a healthy baby:

• Plan meals ahead of time, to ensure you always have something nutrient dense to eat.

• Plan your day, so you have time to eat each morning – get up earlier if you have to.

• Pack your own lunch to avoid grabbing something quick and processed.

• Pack nutrient dense, whole food snacks to ensure regulated hormone levels.

• Make what you eat a priority, it is the fuel for your body.

Natural-fertility-info.com The Natural Fertility Company

hat did you have for breakfast this morning? Did you skip lunch yesterday because you were too busy at work? Have you ever wondered how

skipping meals daily affects your long-term health and possibly even your chances of getting pregnant?

So many people I know are regularly in the habit of skipping meals, most commonly, breakfast. Granted, most of us lead busy lives and have a lot going on in the morning – I get it, I too have been guilty of skipping breakfast here and there!

We tend to think that our busy lifestyles justifies the decision to starve ourselves, however, you may change your mind when you find out the long-term health implications.

Skipped meals can be detrimental to hormone balance, overall health, and fertility.

Skipping Meals Affects Your Body in 4 Main Ways:

1. Weight Gain or Inability to Lose WeightWhen you skip a meal, you’re directly affecting two

key hormones: insulin and cortisol. Your cortisol increases because your body thinks it’s starving, which triggers a stress response. Over time, increased cortisol can lead to weight gain, particularly in the abdominal region. Not only is this weight difficult to take off, it is also hormonally active, meaning that it’s the perfect place to store excess hormones such as “bad” estrogen.

We tend to think that our busy lifestyles

justifies the decision to starve ourselves.

Medical

Dr. Nora Shilo, ND (Cand)

Why Skipping Meals Endangers Hormone

Balance & Disrupts Fertility

Having a lot on your plate metaphorically, doesn’t

mean it’s okay to literally leave food off your plate and make a habit of it.

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Humor

was on the way to the bris of my younger sister-in-law’s 5th child, when I resolved to

humor the situation. After all what choice did I have? The options were either to laugh or to cry. So I decided to laugh, and leave the crying to the baby.

It was 8:15 AM as I groggily made my grand entrance in shul. By then it felt like midday after being at my RE at the crack of dawn. I silently hoped no one would notice how bloated I was from the 17+ follicles growing inside me. But before I could even suck in my stomach (not that it would help much), I was already sur-rounded by all the iy”H by you’s.

My grandmother, may she live and be well, took the opportunity to an-

nounce in the loudest voice possible, that after being kvatter I’ll surely get pregnant with twins, “If you aren’t already,” she made sure to add. I felt bad to burst her bubble, and tell her that we had been kvatter numer-ous times already so we decided to decline the offer this time.

The bris had only just begun so we were definitely off to a good start. “Take a deep breath, Zeecy,” I thought. “If

I can handle being in stirrups with three doctors around, then I can certainly handle this as well.

The truth is I felt more sorry for the baby than I did for myself as he was being poked and prodded – something we definitely shared in common…

That sort of explained my

mother-in-law’s unusual bear hug. “if you have the ability to laugh at a

tough situation you have the ability to overcome it.

Don’t Cry Over Spilled Wine

Zeecy Zucker

As the bris proceeded my beloved shviger walked over and emotionally embraced me with a huge hug. I have to admit that I was very touched, but equally surprised, as it was so unlike her.

Once I got my bearings and managed to inch away from her, I noticed a red wine stain on my shirt. I quickly summoned my husband from the men side. After asking each other how we’re faring, I mentioned that I don’t know how wine could’ve gotten onto my shirt.

“Zeecy,” he tells me, “don’t you know that smear-ing bris wine on your stomach is a segula for children?”

“Ahaaaa,” was all I managed to answer. That sort of explained my mother-in-law’s unusual bear hug.

At that point the ceremonies came to an end and it was time for the meal. I couldn’t decide if I should wash or not. On one hand challah had too many carbs and wasn’t good for my PCOS. But then again, wash-ing for a seudos mitzvah is way up there on the segula list. Just then the thought of my 17 follicles conve-niently came to mind.

“When people are pregnant they eat for two,” I contemplated, “so I should be eating for 17!” Okay, I know that sounds a bit much. So I rationalized that if I eat for three I should be fine…

The meal was beautiful, and everyone was having a nice time. The ladies were busy exchang-

ing pleasantries as

the men tried hard

to get us quiet for

the speeches. As a

hush finally over-

came the room, my

brother-in-law got

up to speak.

“Chazal say,” he

began. “Kol hamispallel b’ad chaveiro…hi neeneh te-

chila.” As soon as those words rolled off his tongue, I

knew where he was headed. “Rabosai,” he continued,

“it was the heartfelt tefillos for my dear brother-in-

law and sister-in-law to be zoche to children of their

own that brought us here today.” I had heard enough.

Honestly, I couldn’t even concentrate on the rest of

the drasha even though it continued on for another

half hour.

B”H bentching followed soon thereafter, and I was

silently grateful for not having to stay much longer. I

wished everyone around me mazel tov and discreetly

made way to the nearest exit.

As soon as I got home the first thing I did was take

a Tylenol for my achy cheeks from that fake smile I

had pasted on my face. I was exhausted. I fell into a

deep slumber dreaming about the day when my smile

will be real again…

Just then the thought of

my 17 follicles conveniently

came to mind.

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azel Tov... I just became a great aunt! My in-laws just became great-grandparents BA”H!

Yes, our younger siblings boruch Hash-m just became Bubbie & Zaidy BA”H!

Thank you, yes, thank you...... thank you so much for the fine, warm wishes, really.

Actually, I AM quite ecstatic BA”H. Despite everything you’ve read in several of my TIMEpieces about this poor ‘new Totty,’ my very first nephew at whose ‘first-grandchild-but-born-to-the-younger-sib-who-got-married-after-us‘ birth I shed more tears than maybe even when after six years, I miscarried our first two or three week old embryo, I did eventually mature. Not exactly by the time I was finally a mom, though I was definitely distracted for a while…. But by his Bar Mitzvah- ‘first einikel’s bar Mitzvah’, remember--

I was just fine BE”H. And more importantly, as I explained semi-recently in “A Time to Cry, a Time to Dance,” at his engagement and wedding I realized that NO ONE anymore remembers /cares who got married first and who had the baby first. And that I wasted way too much time hating that poor kid half his childhood just because he had the nerve to be born to a younger sibling, thus taking away my right ---as wife of the oldest--- to be Bearer of First Grandchild.

I was so thrilled at this latest news that I even called the new great- grandparents on the OTHER

side to say Mazel tov, along with some other of their relatives I’ve bonded with over these decades of family simchos KA”H. And I can only imagine the conversation when they hung up: “Wow what a difference!” says new Great Bubbie to new Great Zaidy. “I wonder if she remembers what she was like at his Shabbos Bris--

scowling at everyone, leaving meals early…. Look, all we wanted to do was wish her ‘Auf Simchos bah dir’, nebach that poor thing… She probably doesn’t remember how she practically ruined the whole simcha with her attitude. So nice to hear her so happy now KA”H!”

Tee hee. Oh, I remember….. I remember VERY WELL.

I remember screaming at home that I was ABSOLUTELY NOT going to his Bris at all. But some very effective ‘salesperson’ convinced me to go.

I remember shrieking A LOT of things in my reaction (READ: maniacal tantrum) to the “It’s a Boy!” call on our Answering machine that Shabbos (it was already over by them) that would, to be blunt, likely put me in the ‘Apikoress’ category. Or at least the ‘brat who needs to grow up ah bissel’ category. (Maybe more than ‘ah bissel.’) I can’t share too much of what I was spitting at Master of the Universe then because I’m afraid A T.I.M.E. will never let me send in anything again.

But one significantly appropriate piece of venom I clearly recall spewing in that pre-kindergarten rage (oops apologies for using the word ‘kindergarten’ dear readers!) was “Couldn’t You at least have let it be a girl, and let me have the first grandSON? So we could EACH have ‘the first’ something?!” (She’s the oldest on her side.)

And thus, I was taught a lesson: I ended up not having the first girl either! Nor the first TWINS- on either side of the family!! What are the odds of that? Moral: Careful Who you start up with, folks.

Now, I’m sure you’ve all been told as many times as I was, “We can’t ask questions….” “We won’t understand Hash-m’s ways until the Next World, “etc. which is supposed to bring us comfort but,

gee, surprisingly, it doesn’t. That line did NOT give me ANY chizuk during my eight childless years when I was hearing news stories about teenagers having babies they didn’t want. Or while I was taking care of these teens or their unwanted babies at my hospital nursing job, trying ‘not to ask questions.’

And though I’m BE”H finally a mom, most of those questions haven’t been answered. Especially because I still ‘ask’ about those who are NOT yet parents while I daven.

With the arrival of this new baby, another generation B”H, though…. I did realize something very interesting.

Leah Imeinu had such Rachamim on her childless sister Rachel that she offered her to be kvatter- oops Um, no, that wasn’t it. I mean, that she davened that the 7th baby boy she was carrying be turned into a girl, so Rachel wouldn’t suffer the embarrassment of having fewer males and thus fewer shevatim than Bilha and Zilpah!

And there I was, Mrs. Sel-IF-ishness (whose middle name is also LEA. sort of…..),while not quite davening for just the opposite, I was still yelling because HKBH hadn’t done so-- made that first einikel a boy so that I, same said Mrs. Sel-IF-ishness, wouldn’t suffer the embarrassment and humiliation of-- gasp!- watching the younger sibling have the first Bris, Pidyon HaBen etc. Yeah, right….same humiliation as our Mama Rachel Imeinu. Lehavdil.

WHO WUDD’A THUnK!?

Thank you, yes, thank you...... thank you so much for the fine,

warm wishes, really.

Humor

I remember screaming at home that I was ABSOLUTELY NOT

going to his Bris at all.

Fyna Lea Mom

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Good riddance. To say ‘I’m ashamed of myself’ is a gross understatement.

And yet, despite my twisted thinking, look how it turned into Rachamim after all!

Let’s go back 20-something years to that new nephew, first grandkid, grandSON, Bris, Pidyon HaBen and all. Temper tantrum and all.

Could I ever have imagined that Hash-m was actually doing me a CHESED making that baby a boy?

Yes. A Chesed.

Let’s say that first einikel had been a girl after all, as Mrs. Maturity here had wanted.

That girl would be as old as my nephew. As a female, possibly married a few years already. READ: with, hopefully a few kids already. (NEWSFLASH: Most couples, as opposed to us--readers and writers of this journal-- do have kids within a year after marriage BA”H!! Lots of them within NINE MONTHS!!) A few years ago, maybe I wouldn’t have been so ready and delighted to watch all this excitement go to a younger sibling, and seeing my in-laws BA”H surrounded by great-grandkids BE”H. Pictures of 4 generations KA”H all over the house. Reliving those IF days again. Déjà vu. (Would that be gray-ja vu?) (Deja blue?) Now I’m a bit older (speaking of ‘gray….’), more mature (cough cough), and I think readier. Obviously so BS”D, judging

by my reaction. I really don’t think

I would’ve been like this 3-4 years

ago.

During my raging fury

20-something years ago, could I

EVER have imagined that by making that new baby a

boy, Hash-m was doing me a Chesed?

And, had anyone even tried to tell me that, would I

have believed them? Absolutely not. Recalling my state

of mind at the time, I imagine my response would’ve

been along the lines of “Yeah rite. A Chesssssed!?”

Or more likely, “Shut UPPPPP and leave me

alllllllonnnnnne!”

I don’t want to leave you with some annoying

comment like “Yes, one day you’ll see, that failed cycle

you endured (ch”v!) was a Chesed, really!” Hmmm. I still

don’t feel like the one I went through back then was.

But hey, 20-something years after the fact, I finally

realized SOMETHING from this Nisayon was a Chesed--

and I just had to share it with you. Maybe it’ll enlighten

you a bit before 20 years pass you by!

Now, as far as the rest of the stuff of this Nisayon,

um…….. well…. Uh….Stay tuned. Or ask your local

Rebbetzin, not your local Fyna Lea Meshugena!

May you all BE”H be zoche to receive the Ultimate

Chesed you are waiting for b’karov b’yameinu.

“Life can only be understood backwards. But it must be lived forwards.

Now, as far as the rest of the stuff of this Nisayon, um…….. well….

Uh….Stay tuned.

Photo Contest

Entries should include:A A photo, drawing or cartoon; it can

be your own creation or photography, or something you came across.

B Where necessary, a short caption.

Email your entries to magazine@atime.org.

Is This Why I Pay for Health Insurance?

by D.H.

What I Too Often Feel Like by T.S.

By N.L.

SEND IN YOUR FAVORITE PHOTO! We will feature the winning shots in the next issue.

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Posted by: MamaRochel Feb 9 2010, 01:53 AM

Just curious if anyone else on this board got married later (older than 27) and is also experiencing IF. The topic of ‘what’s worse? being single or going thru IF’ has been brought up in conversations I’ve had. I personally don’t think one’s worse than the next - to me it’s just a different kind of pain. One person asked me if I had to choose either being single or going thru IF, which would I choose? Not that I think it’s such a fair question because we don’t play Hashem’s role, but the feeling of being so alone and single without having a husband is not something I would want to live with. Going thru IF is sometimes much more painful, but not nearly as lonely. I’m so thankful every day for DH! Curious to hear opinions on this.

Posted by: Alchemist Feb 9 2010, 07:32 AM

I met Dh at 28, married 30. It was hard being single but I was younger and had so much time ahead. I think I always knew I would have problems conceiving deep down (weird that) and now having IF seems harder. But maybe it’s just my perception now as IF is horrible. The similarity is the unknown. Will you meet your shidduch , will you conceive???? it’s all unknown and that, for me, is the hardest part..............

Posted by: baker Feb 9 2010, 08:13 AM

yup- I’m in the same boat! I agree with your take on the situation.

best we could and that there was no way this was anyones fault. Shidduchim you can “blame” on midos while children is obviously one of the 3 maftachos-keys that are exclusively in Hashem’s hands and not in our control. Also, I was raised that a girl goes from her father’s reshus to her husband. When I had obviously outgrown my father’s reshus but didn’t have a husband to rely on I felt so lost. With pif at least I was part of a team.

Posted by: zan frelich Feb 9 2010, 01:06 PM

I did not get married late but had other nisyonos beside IF in life. So my view is, not two struggles are alike and I could also not say which one preferable on the other, if I’d have the choice I’d probably not choose either of them . . . But in the same time I can also see why I was not asked and glad Hashem is the one that runs my life for me, my blessings like my struggles and surely helps me through them, may they be only with rachamim from now on. Another thing I’d learned as I thought after I was helped in one way I possibly had learned how to cope with other difficulties that may arise in my life, but was surprised I was mistaken, each nisoyon is unique and requires different strong points and tools . . . so by now my prayer to Hashem is since no one better than Him knows what I can handle and what I can’t, may He grant me the strengths needed for overcoming when He is testing me . . . . . . and you’re right with that as well, the unknown is the hardest. Chazak Vamatz!!

Posted by: mike1 Feb 9 2010, 11:35 PM

I got married later, because in my 20’s I was diagnosed with a medical condition, and we have no children. So having been chosen to deal with all three, they are all bad, but I think being single is probably the worst, because it is very lonely, and I thought I would never get married because in the orthodox world no one wants to marry someone with a medical condition. They don’t realize it could happen to ANYONE at ANYTIME.

Posted by: Leah Dara Feb 10 2010, 02:52 AM

I got married at 35. My DH is the light of my life, wise, kind, and so much fun! We have been TTC for seven years. We eventually gave up on IVF, conceived naturally (so very sadly, it was an ectopic pregnancy) and have now been trying to adopt for four years. It has been a very hard road to tread, painful and often lonely as well. Still, I would never trade him, not even for a house full of children of our own. I often paraphrase Channa’s husband...he is better to me than seven sons. And he will someday be just as wonderful a father!

Posted by: lucky0403 Feb 9 2010, 12:18 PM

I didn’t get married after 27 (24) but I would just like to add anyway that I agree with you mamarochel, there is no way to judge which is “worse”, both are hard, but I definitely agree that there is a lot more loneliness when going through shidduchim, than with IF, and I too feel grateful every day for DH.... Imyh you should have the joy of BOTH very soon.... P.s.. I’ve had people say to me “I feel so bad for you, you got married late ANNNDDDDDDDDDDD you dont have kids yet, nebach!” (coming from “good” friend who got married at 19 to first or second boy and had a baby less than 10 months later! literally! She said this when preg with her 4th child, oldest 4 years old). And Alchemist, you say it exactly how it is, the unknown is the hardest part . Good luck to everyone!

Posted by: G.E. Feb 9 2010, 12:42 PM

funny you brought this up since I was just discussing this with another ATIMEr who called last night... I was in shidduchim for 6 years and married pif for 5 1/2. I def found being single way harder for several reasons. First, it was the first time I had to deal with a deviation from my dream picture perfect life and feel apart from society. The coping skills I learned then helped with later disappointments. Second, I felt so helpless having to wait for who my parents screened before I met someone and also felt so responsible that it was my fault, reputation that was holding back the ideal shidduch my parents wanted. By pif, I knew that I was doing the

Posted by: Simcha C Feb 10 2010, 03:15 PM

רבות מחשבות בלב איש... ועצת ה' היא תקום This is my favourite part of Teffila... particularly because I have all the plans in the world, but not the ones which Hashem wants to prevail. It always hurts me to hear that ppl waited to get married and are now waiting again for children. In the same way I wish for a symptom free pregnancy, pain free birth and everything else unheard of in return for my years of IF pain... It’s not easy for me... I have to keep reminding myself that we can and should daven for all the miracles that we need... but...'ועצת ה היא תקום. All Hashem does is good. But just because it’s good, doesn’t make it easy. Wishing everyone the strength we need to be strong do live through Hashem’s plan for us.

Posted by: G.E. Feb 11 2010, 02:31 AM

mike1, having dealt with illness, I can only say it is a completely different sort of nissayon. Facing vulnerability and mortality and realizing we cannot always rely on ourselves to wake up with the strength we have taken for granted is a nissayon that is very dif. than being single or childless since those are more about fitting into society and hemshech hadoros...it would be much harder to compare... May we all be zoche to “al tashlichani lo li’dai nissayoin”! But for sure, every situation in life has its own lessons to teach us that can only be learned through experience. May all our experiences have happy endings!

Posted by: YM2 Feb 12 2010, 10:31 AM

It is interesting to me when people try to compare being single with IF. Its hard to compare them because actually they are tied at the hip - at least for single people. IF people are suffering with one issue- fertility. Single people are single AND infertile at the same time. If someone was single through their 20’s they might not have felt the FEAR of infertility but they might have felt the yearning for children. I was single until my early thirties so I barely felt the FEAR. My good friends now are mid to upper 30’s and they are starting

ANYONE GOT MARRIED LATER?

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B’ezras Hashem we should all pass our tests, and we should all find our yeshuos b’korov!

Posted by: Kayza Feb 15 2010, 08:31 PM

You can’t generalize IF, of course. But, neither can you generalize inability to find a spouse. I know, and have known, more than one older single (some B”H finally married). The issues, history, necessary hishtadlus etc were widely different in each case.

Posted by: LES Feb 16 2010, 12:11 AM

נגדו ה-לו עזר, כ לא-טוב היות האדם לבדו; אעש

It was a spouse, not a child, that cured the fundamental and first loneliness. Not to trivialize the loneliness of IF. But I don’t think it’s a contest - not just IMHO, but in the Torah’s as well, as far as I understand (though I don’t claim my understanding to be correct - forgive me for sharing if it is wrong).

Posted by: Yenta Dvoshe Feb 16 2010, 03:42 PM

I think, as well as what everyone said, a single person often times gets blamed for things that are sometimes out of their control as to why they haven’t yet found their bashert like you’re too fat, tall, frumpy, snobby, picky etc. Most ppl are aware that IF comes from Hashem and although we have to do hishtadlus the yeshua comes only from Hashem. I don’t think its so clear to most ppl that the same is true with shidduchim and I think that gives lots of singles lots of heartache to hear themselves be blamed for things not in their control. May everyone be zoche to their yeshua bekarov!

Posted by: Anonymous Atimer Feb 17 2010, 01:06 AM

so interesting..i was older when i got married and didn’t mind being single..i knew that i would find my zivug when Hashem felt it was the right time... obviously i put in hishtadlus, but knew that ultimately it was up to Hashem. i also think/feel that if i wasn’t older when married i would not feel the same pressure re having kids, what with my biological clock ticking away...

Posted by: MamaRochel Feb 18 2010, 08:37 PM

Thanks everyone for bringing up points about this topic. I guess because I was the one that started this thread and posted so many responses, I feel like I already said my fair share, but I wanted to comment about what was said in this post. My apologies if I'm rambling and posting too much .

experience can be going through IF. There’s MF, FF, unexplained, and the subcategories within each of them. And then there are the different kinds of treatment each one of them does, different severity, different prognosis, etc. Someone can be on Clomid, someone on IUI, someone IVF, someone TESE, someone RPL.. yes everyone is striving for the same goal, but the means of getting there can make the experience quite different from another. Therefore, I think it is harder to generalize IF than being single. I hope I’m making sense. My very very humble opinion. My sympathies to those who are going through IF after being single for long. May your yeshuah come sooner than you know!

Posted by: B Happy Feb 15 2010, 04:32 AM

I have a different outlook on that... I keep thinking that Hashem decided that I will have children only at age _____, and he didn’t want us to suffer so many yrs. without kids, so he made me get married late so I shouldn’t suffer so much... In other words, instead of being childless for 15 long years, I would only be for 5 yrs...

Posted by: MamaRochel Feb 15 2010, 06:14 PM

ZThanks momtobe for your insight - I always like to hear your point of view . I would like to add though, that the exact reason that being single is so hard for some is because of the fact that "the journey to marriage is generally a repetitious chain of events". With that chain stretching out with no end in sight, it is most painful. What you say as “one” means of hishtadlus is not so clear cut to the single woman. There are so many emotions and series of events that need to take place in order for that glass to break under the chuppah. You have to get someone normal to date (for some this is almost impossible for 1,000 reasons), you have to like the guy (you need to be emotionally ready), the guy has to like you back (again, some girls get rejected over and over) - in this way I think it issimilar to IF....so many aspects, so many avenues, so many ways it can go wrong. It is hard to generalize IF (and I'm sorry if this post is taking away from that), but it's also hard to generalize being single and getting married. IMHO, a life of being single might not be as painful as living with IF, but the mere thought of living your life with no partner is sad and most frightening. Both are negative feelings, just different. I once told DH that for me being single could be compared to a person after 120 who is not buried yet (I think it’s called an onen) - the neshama doesn’t know where it belongs - on earth or in shamayim. It is a very painful experience and that’s one of the reasons we bury a meis right away. Once the meis is buried, the neshama has peace. It knows it belongs in shamayim. So to, a single person is wandering - she knows she doesn’t belong in her parents home anymore, but has no home of her own. A very sad, frightning place to be. At the end of the day, they are both extremely hard nisyonos.

to feel severe pain of singledom AND severe FEAR that they are just plain missing the option to have kids. They cant even try to have kids and they always need to count their starting age, how long it takes to meet someone, date them, meet their parents, get engaged, then married , then start trying to have kids at an age when every step isnt always one two three. Doing the math is frightening for someone 37 or 39.

Posted by: MamaRochel Feb 14 2010, 10:32 AM

Thanks everyone for your responses. YM2 - I’m sitting here thinking of the pain of IF, and I can’t imagine the fear, pain and loneliness of a woman who is 37+!

Posted by: YaffaW Feb 14 2010, 07:13 PM

While I cannot relate to the agonizing pain of an “older” single, I too feel that I’ve experienced both although to a much lesser degree (I was in my 20’s when i got married, and still am, although most girls my age in my circles were married with a baby or two when I got engaged) and I totally agree with all of you that being single is even harder than IF. I thank Hashem all the time for DH and I’m so grateful to have him at my side.

Posted by: momtobe Feb 15 2010, 01:59 AM

I find this pretty interesting. Although I don’t have a right to say anything here, since I b’h didn’t have to wait for my DH, I just want to point out some technical comparisons / contrasts between the two situations. I think these two challenges have many things in common, i.e., feelings of rejection, failure, insignificance, fear of the unknown, isolation, etc. However, I can totally understand how being single would be a more lonesome journey, because you are, literally, single! But another observation of mine is this: Although the journey to marriage is varied from person to person, it is generally a repetitious chain of events. There’s basically one means of hishtadlus. Whereas with IF, there are so many different diagnoses. Yes, all IF’ers can relate to each other to some degree. But I observed how vastly different the

It might be true that the Torah says it’s not good for a person to be alone, however, the Torah also states how painful IF is...and numerous times at that. All the imahos were akoros. Chana was an akarah. The stories about IF are some of the most painful in tanach. I think it was Rochel that said “maisah anochi” - as if to say that without children I’d be better off dead. That’s pretty harsh for anyone, let alone a tzadekes! IF is mentioned many more times in tanach than singlehood. As much as singlehood is lonely, IF is a most painful position to be in. And then on the other hand: DH once heard a vort on the words “lo tov” to the pasuk stated above. You could ask the question ‘why does the pasuk say “lo tov” (not good)?, why not say “rah” (bad)?’. The answer is - in every “rah”, there can be found some good. For example, if someone loses their job, it might seem like the worst “rah” (bad), but if you search deep enough, you can come out with some good - like now you have time to organize the closets, do that chessed...etc. But a life without a spouse is “lo tov” (not good) - meaning no good can come out of it. This is also a most painful reality for many singles. There really is no better or worse, and in my humble opinion, we all need to give thanks to the Ribono Shel Olam that He benched us with our DH’s!

Posted by: LES Feb 19 2010, 12:26 AM

Thank you for this insight and explanation. Seems right so I retract any claim of my opinion being Torah supported. This post caught me right after my recent BFN and I honestly felt like without DH there for comfort I would have broken - like really broken and not gotten up again. I think it would have been a test I couldn’t pass, and I thank Hashem that although He tests me with IF, I have yet to be tested facing it alone. Sorry, I’m rambling too. Sometimes I just crumple in DH arms and I don’t know how I would make it through life without him. Not to say things are perfect, but I find my only real comfort in “at least I have DH” with each failure. Maybe I should be able to find comfort in “Hashem knows what He’s doing and all things in the right time if He wants it” but I’m not that Tzadekes. DH is really the only one who cuts it for me when nothing seems fair, or when I wake up from a nightmare about being told that IF is completely permanent for me (I have this recurring one where the RE is looking for follicles but then can’t find my ovaries at all with the ultrasound - they’re gone) or the disappointment of waking up from a dream where I do get pg and then cry when I realize it was a dream. I just don’t know what I’d do without DH.

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Posted by: meira147 Mar 4 2014, 10:56 PM

Thanks for bumping this up. As someone who fits the criteria (married post-27), I thought it was an interesting read. The bottom line is that all our experiences - dating, fertility and other challenges - shape us as individuals. Dating for longer taught me (among other things) patience, sensitivity and most importantly, that the way I acted would affect the way I was viewed by both myself and others. I think that there is no benefit in comparing challenges - but it is interesting to realize how the emotions wrought by many challenges are so similar. Consider this excerpt from a list I wrote when I was still single of the things that I had “learned” through dating: ...I am strong. I make mistakes. I am not afraid to express myself and make myself vulnerable. I give things my all. I can be assertive. ...Most of the time I dance with pure joy at the simchas of others, secure in the knowledge that my turn will come; When I cannot, that itself is a source of pain. ...I appreciate the times when words form clearly and come out right and I forgive myself for the times they do not. ...When it takes too many words to describe what is right or wrong, I do not really understand it myself. ...It is within my power to use my time wisely, so that when I meet my zivug hagun, the road I have traveled will have been worth the wait. ...In some ways, this time in my life is harder on my parents. ...The kabalot, segulot, and tefillot I have tried have made me a better person, whether or not the impact they have had are immediately apparent. ...Unexpected gestures, phonecalls, or encounters can make your week. ...There are times when you are so happy, a smile unconsciously plays on your lips, you feel beautiful, and the world is a wonderful place… and there are times when you are merely going through the motions, everything requires effort, and you are grateful that people cannot hear the thoughts swirling in your head. ...Everyone is entitled to her “moments.” The time, effort, money, and emotional energy dating entails can take a toll on even the most positive of people. ...Wishing you could turn back time is normal; So is wishing you could turn time forward. ...There are some people for whom you thank Hashem every day. They understand, know what to say and what not to say, and make themselves available when you need them. ...Patience. ...Self-awareness. ...Honesty. ...Perseverance. ...Communication. ...Emunah. Not as something to which to pay lip service – as something to work on every second, of every day, so it is available in times of need. Can’t you relate?

Posted by: G.E. Feb 22 2010, 12:58 AM

Charnie, I know you are right that dealing with IF gives us maturity and perspective but dealing with marriage and tzar gidul banim gave my friends a dif. kind of perspective and matures people a lot. A sif neighbor 3 yrs older than me with kids ages 14, 13, and 11 asked me why I seem so much younger than her I responded “you can’t fight in your dining room, we can. That automatically gives you more middos devp. than me.” she laughed but agreed. there is a certain young spontaneity about us that gets tempered with kids that I lost out on these past 12 years while my friends were dealing with “real life”. Similarly, having to share a life with a spouse matures people in a way that an older single doesn’t experience. Obviously Hashem wanted me to mature in a dif. way than my friends and that is what I need to become the ultimate mature me but still, both nisyonos do make me feel more babyish and at times isolated and not understood even when surrounded by once close friends.

Posted by: bbaa Apr 1 2012, 10:02 PM

Mama Rachel, I am older, and single, and know that I am suffering from IF. I always wondered which of them are worse and G-d gave me both... The one thing i hate about being an older single is that people actually blame you as if its your fault you’re not married. I find that very embarrassing. But i think, both are the PITS!!!!

Posted by: G.E. Apr 18 2012, 04:17 AM

wow! it must be so difficult! may both issues be resolved soon in a wonderful way!

Posted by: newoldie Mar 4 2014, 04:03 PM

This is an old thread but I was reading through it the other day and wanted to comment. I wanted to point out that there are single girls who have fertility issues. Depending on their diagnosis they may have to go through treatments-alone. They may be sitting in the same waiting room with all the married couples but they are alone on this journey. For most the journey is shared emotionally with a spouse. Even if we go to an appointment alone we have whom to share our experiences with-someone who wants to know and is equally impacted by the results. Of course Hashem is the Ultimate Shadchan and makes every shidduch but for these girls the shidduch ‘parsha’ is very difficult. Some only find out about their IF issues a few years into their shidduch journey. Now they are in a different ‘market’ and have to deal with ‘helpful’ neighbors and friends who are trying to ‘redt’ them shidduchim that they no longer can consider (depending on the severity of their diagnosis). Those of us who have spouses that care and with whom we can share have what to be thankful for!

Posted by: Yael375 Feb 19 2010, 09:19 AM

I got married later at 26 (just under your definition of later though)... and I now have 1 child after 5.5 years of PIF. I think both are extremely horrible if they aren’t overcome.... the sadness of someone never getting married is truly great, as is imaging never having children.. I think the key to both situations is finding others in the same situation to be friends with... I found it much easier to find other singles as a single, than to find other ‘infertiles’ as an infertile couple (if only the whole time, we could have been living at the atime shabbaton.... while as a single I could live in such an atmosphere). The other thing is that being single is cured by being married.....and having a child doesn’t completely cure all infertility (it makes the emotional pain less but it doesn’t completely go away unless you turn into a fertile myrtle....)

Posted by: G.E. Feb 19 2010, 03:28 PM

I agree with Yael. Support systems make it easier and the ramifications of pif never totally leave even afterwards. I had no support system when single and all my friends had a few kids already so that made it much harder. In lakewood, there is a real support system for pif if you seek it out, which I did. that, and for the last year and a half this site, made it much easier. also, there is no organized support system for pple. who have their first in 30s. It is hard to find people in the same stage and there is no way to “catch up” with my childhood friends. I feel so immature and babyish next to them...

Posted by: charne s. Feb 20 2010, 05:58 PM

i understand your feeling of being babyish and immature next to them. i also get that when i think about that some times. i try to tell myself that i have if now . they ddont. how do i handdle my situation most of the time? and would they have been able to? hope this helps a little

Posted by: Junior Mar 5 2014, 10:48 AM

Meira i really like this old thread thanks for bringing it up. While i wasn’t single for too long, i was completely on my own for various reasons and learned to rely on hashem only. i had difficult nisyonos that taught me to deal with disappointments. sometimes i find that i was closer to hashem at that point and i wish i can achieve that closeness again. and yes , it definitely matured me which makes it very hard to relate to people my age. when i got married i thought ok hashem now all will go well.....it was very hard for me to accept that another nisoyon was coming my way. even though i knew there was an issue, i was in denial and just believed all would work out. i actually went to an RE before i got married so yes it def is true that singles sit in the same waiting room. looking back it def was a chessed hashem that i was in denial and i only dealt with one thing at a time i wouldn’t have been able to handle it

Posted by: menuchashanefesh May 13 2014, 11:41 AM

Thanks for this thread. I`m new here. I got married with almost 37. I wish I`d gotten married earlier, I am afraid by now it`s too late to have kids and I feel bad to bring IF in the marriage. It`s GOOD to be not alone anymore, and having each other to support (though it causes a lot of strain in the marriage too) and there is still lots of loneliness, we both have no families and I dont think we have support groups here either....

Posted by: Joelle May 13 2014, 01:03 PM

I knew about my IF as a single - and in my opinion there is no comparison!!! I have my DH and he is amazing. I spent most of my teens and early twenties wondering if anyone would consider marrying me....knowing about a severe IF diagnosis as a teen is a really tough position to be in. It got SO much easier once I married

Posted by: Anonymous Atimer May 13 2014, 03:34 PM

Joelle you validate what so many singles with IF think and feel. How will they get married? Who will want to marry them? Some know there is no way they can have children, while others know they have issues-some very severe. It can be isolating and lonely. Most support is for couples-understandably so. Some go through treatments etc. but with no spouse calling them after the appointments etc. It’s nice to hear from you as you say it got SO much easier once you married.

Posted by: Sparkles May 13 2014, 09:25 PM

This is a really interesting question. I think that at any stage you really are, it’s the waiting that is the hardest... Especially for something totally out of your control! It’s like nothing you do will change that! IF is def hard and painful- but at least I have my husband in this together! IMHO they are equally unwanted!

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Posted by: Anonymous Atimer May 14 2014, 01:27 PM

Joelle - I very much appreciate your post. I am single and know that bderech hatevah I can’t become pregnant. As the years go by and being in this situation of waiting for my bashert, someone who will marry me even with my condition, I must say that I have the pains of both nisyonos. I don’t have children, future doros, and I don’t have a husband to share the pain with me. Of course we know that Hashem gives everyone exactly what they need to fulfill their unique tafkid, and through this nisayon I am able to strengthen my kesher with the Aibeshter, and that is the whole reason that we were created, and for that I am very very grateful. But if we are talking about pain, then I think being alone in this nisayon is doubly as painful.

Posted by: Mrs. Smiley May 15 2014, 11:10 AM

Thank you for bringing up this topic. For a while I felt like I was all alone. Having gotten married in my late twenties and now experiencing the trials of being childless, for a long while I felt like how can G-d being do this to me? Is this some kind of cruel joke? At times I still feel that way, but I have mulled through these thoughts so many times, and as another member wrote, Rabos Machashvos B’lev Ish V’atzas Hashem He Sakom speaks very strongly to me. I don’t understand the ways of Hashem, but ultimately I am so happy that He is in control and not myself. I’d mess up way too often, but G-d has a perfect plan. He does what is for my best even it is painful to me. To me there’s no question that being single is harder. Not only are you alone, but you don’t even have the chance of having children. Being married, and having a wonderful husband, someone to share your every day with is such a tremendous Bracha that I am so thankful for. Although I don’t wish these trials upon anyone, it definitely helps me to know that others are going through the same. I know that we are stronger people because of it and our relationships with our husband’s (and hopefully Hashem too) are on a higher realm of closeness then most people. In some way I feel that having gone through what we have, the painful trial of being single for a while, and now waiting to have children, allows us to view things from a different angle that most people take for granted. I think it gives us a much greater appreciation for what we have on a level that most people can’t comprehend.

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Monsey: Chaya Back, RN (732) 267-3988 NF

Nechama Abou, RN (845) 352-0117

Sherry Broidy, RN (845) 928-3391 Fee

Samuel Feder (845) 362-6080

Brocha Lichtenstein, RNC (845) 356-0939 NF (D/O)

Leah Lichstein, RN (845) 362-0990 NF

Goldy Malek (845) 323-7718 NF

Yossi Malek (845) 323-7717 NF

Miriam Schiffer, RN (845) 918-1708 / (914) 419-2894 NF

Malka Weinstein, RN (845) 362-0288 NF (D/O)

S. Monsey, Airmont Chaya Becker, RPA (845) 352-0969

Spring Valley Blimy Brill (845) 354-1211 / (845) 558-1447 NF

Spring Valley Yehudis Reichman, RN (845) 354-0682 / (845) 499-5216 NF

Spring Valley Chevy Ungar (845) 729-8474

Wesley Hills Wendy Schindler, RN (845) 354-6536

queens: Far Rockaway Rena Gordon, RN (718) 471-8985 NF

Far Rockaway Esty klein, RPAC (718) 501-3860 NF

Far Rockaway Rochel Lieberman, CM Pager (718) 206-6081 #16460 NF

Far Rockaway Faigy Singer, RN (718) 868-3935 NF

Far Rockaway Yehudis Brown, RN, BSN (410) 522-8879

Far Rockaway Sarah Schechter, RN (718) 327-3250 NF

Far Rockaway Avigail Weiss, RN (917) 841-8693 NF

Flushing Anat Benjamin, MD (718) 539-7736 / (917)224-8487 NF

Flushing Yael kluyov, RN (646) 881-3111

Flushing Miriam R. Heimowitz, RN (718) 261-4373

Flushing Ruty koenig, RPAC (718) 793-9666 NF

Jamaica Esther Natanov, RN H: (718) 380-9730 / W: (718) 283-6587 Fee

Woodside Vahida Gilic, RN (718) 578-7944

kew Gardens Irina Aronova, RN (718) 544-0367 Fee

kew Gardens Shifra Niman, PA-C sniman@liivf.com Fee

kew Gardens Sheva Turk, RN (718) 263-6521 NF

kew Gardens Esther roman (718) 487-3754 NF

kew Gardens Adina Berger, RN (845) 659-5108 NF

Staten Island: Marcia Brathwaitte, RN (917) 841-5273 Fee (A/S)

Arlene Jacobson, RN (718) 983-0138 NF

Esther kay, RN (718) 370-3515

Ohio:

Cleveland Heights Aviva kupfer, RN (216) 932-8933 NF

Cleveland Heights Leah kushner, RN (216) 371-1265 NF

Columbus Aliza Feingold, RN (614) 239-6356 NF

CANADA:

Montreal Mrs. Demercur, RN (514) 739-1462 NF

Montreal Faigy Hershkowitz, RN (514) 341-6399 Fee

Montreal Flora Sasportas, RN (514) 735-8145

Toronto Aldith Baker, RN (416) 667-1276 Fee

Toronto Ruby Bailey, RN (905) 470-7379 Fee

Toronto Fay Conville, RN (905) 727-6207 Fee

Toronto Eve Gallingan, RN (416) 787-5154 Fee

Toronto Chavie kestenbaum, RN (416) 787-0067

Toronto Joanne Lang, RN (416) 783-8782

Toronto Elisheva Lightstone, RN (416) 256-0470

Toronto Malky Meckler, RN (416) 789-0893

Toronto Rachel Ohayon, RN (416) 781-1218

Toronto Rochel Travis, RN (416) 631-9409

ENGLAND:

London A TIME England office 020-8800-2153 / email: admin@atime.org.uk

If a nurse is needed on Shabbos, call Chaya at 718-258-5002 or Vivienne at 917-783-9514

A/S=Available Shabbos, D/O =Doctor’s Order, NF=No Fee

If you know of any other nurses who would be willing to provide this crucial service, especially in neighborhoods not yet covered, please let us know. And many, many thanks to all those listed above. A TIME is not responsible for any treatments administered by any of the Nurses or

Nurse Practitioners listed herein. Nothing herein constitutes medical advice and all readers are recommended to consult their physician.

For More Information, Please Call (718) 686-8912 ext. 202

Dedicated to the Memory of Charlie Weiss נתן קרפל בן משולם ע”ה

Sara Barris, Psy. D • 718-544-0932 Specializes in all areas of fertility and adoption

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עיטיים רעדאקטארין: העלוי, א גוטן, וואס קען איך אייך העלפן?

מרת. וו.: איך רוף פון ארץ ישראל, איך האב געוואלט דערציילן א

פלא’דיגע מעשה וואס איך האב נארוואס געהערט, וואס קען פיל

מחזק זיין די ליינער פון די שערי תקוה אויסגאבע.

רעדאקטארין: אדרבה, לאמיר הערן.

מרת. וו.: איז אזוי. דאס איז א מעשה וואס איז געווען הייס אין די

נייעס, דא אין ארץ ישראל, א שטיק צייט צוריק. א פרוי האט צוליב

קאמפליצירטע א אריבערגיין געדארפט מחלה ערנסטע אן

רחם. איר ארויסגענומען ר”ל האט מען וועלכן ביי אפעראציע

איז זי אז אנטדעקט דאקטוירים האבן אפעראציע די בשעת

טראגעדיג מיט א קינד וואס האלט אין די ערשטע שטאפלען פון

אנטוויקלונג. וואס טוט מען? אויב לאזט מען דעם רחם אין איר

איז די פרוי אין א סכנה מיט’ן קינד אינאיינעם. האבן זיי באשלאסן

ארויסצונעמען דעם רחם און דאס אומאנטוויקלט קינד האבן זיי

סתם אזוי צוריקגעלייגט אין איר, אן א רחם... זאל זיין וואס זאל

זיין.

זיך האט שפעטער חדשים 9 ווייניגער, נישט און מער נישט

גערודערט אין די נייעס אז די פרוי האט געברענגט א געזונט קינד

אויף דער וועלט!

צו אביסל פאנטאסטיש, זיך הערט עס אה! או רעדאקטארין:

פאנטאסטיש!

מרת. וו.: די מעשה האט אבער א קראנטע מקור, איך וועל זאגן

פון וואו איך האב עס געהערט: א געוויסע ארגאניזאציע דא אין

ארץ ישראל פאר חשוכי בנים האט געמאכט א שבת התוועדות

פאר פארפעלקער, איז געווען דארט א בעל דרשן הרב טויסיג

און איבערגעגעבן ווי פאלגענד:

זיך איך האב שבת, דעם צו דא געקומען בין איך “איידער

פארבינדן מיט הגה”צ ר’ יעקב מאיר שעכטער שליט”א פרעגן

די פאר איבערצוגעבן מעסעדזש א עפעס האט ער צו

עטליכע אויסגעשמועסט שעכטער הרב האט פארפעלקער

שטארקע מאמרים פון ספרים הק’ אויף דעם ענין און בתוך

הדברים האט ער דערציילט אן אויסטערלישע מעשה פון א

פרוי אן א רחם, וואס עס האט זיך אין איר אנטוויקלט א קינד

)ווי באשריבן אויבן(, ארויסברענגענדיג דעמיט ווי ווייט דער

באשעפער איז א כל יכול און עס לאזט זיך גארנישט אויפגעבן

האפענונג אין קיין שום פאל!”

רעדאקטארין: מורא’דיג. אויב אזוי, מוז איך עס טאקע גלייבן!

איך וויל נאר אויפקלערן אז בכלליות האבן מיר א פרינציפט

ליינער חלק גרויסע א וואס מעשה א אריינצושרייבן נישט

וועלן נישט גלייבן.

מרת. וו.: און די מעשה פון שרה אמנו און רחל אמנו וואס האבן

זיי אז דאן ביז געוואוסט האט מען כאטש קינדער געהאט

האבן נישט קיין רחם; דאס קען מען יא שרייבן?

רעדאקטארין: עס איז נישט דאס זעלבע ווייל היינטיגע צייטן

ווייזט נישט דער באשעפער קיין אפענע ניסים.

מרת. וו.: עס איז דער זעלבער באשעפער אמאל און היינט און

דאס איז נישט די איינציגע אפענע נס אין היינטיגע צייטן און

אויך נישט פון די איינציגע צען...

איך האב מורא, אז מען באשליסט ביי זיך אז דער באשעפער

אזוי דאך זענען מיר וואס אויף ניסים, קיין נישט באווייזט

אנגעוויזן אין אונזער מצב, פארמאכן מיר דערמיט דעם צינור

פאר ישועות.

עס איז שווער צו גלייבן? האמנתי כי אדבר - ווי מער מיר וועלן

רעדן )און שרייבן( אויף דעם באשעפער’ס אומבאגרעניצטע

יכולות, אין אלע צייטן און אומשטענדן, וועט דאס משפיע זיין

אויף אונז אומבאגרעניצטע אמונה און דורך אמונה איז מען

ממשיך ישועות!

רעדאקטארין: נצחתי מרת. וו. איך האף די ליינער וועלן טאקע

שפירן און מעשה וואונדערליכע אזא פון חיזוק פיל שעפן

נישט זאך קיין איז באשעפער גרויסן אזא מיט אז רואיג !אוממעגליך

עס איז שווער צו גלייבן? האמנתי כי אדבר - ווי מער מיר וועלן רעדן )און שרייבן( אויף דעם באשעפער'ס אומבאגרעניצטע יכולות, אין אלע צייטן און אומשטענדן, וועט דאס משפיע

זיין אויף אונז אומבאגרעניצטע אמונה און דורך אמונה איז מען ממשיך ישועות!

ביים רעדאקציע טיש פון

הונטער די קוליסן...

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בס”ד

וואס איז מיין ווערד?ח.ר.

“א אידישע מאמע איז די בויערן פון כלל ישראל און מיט איר צניעות האט זי א גרויסן כח!” קלינגען נאך די ווערטער אין מיינע אויערן און געבן מיר נישט מנוחה. ‘און אז איך האב נאך ליידער נישט זוכה געווען צום טיטל

“א אידישע מאמע”, האט מיין צניעות נישט א כח?!’

זעלטן וואס איך גיי צו א שיעור אדער הייב אויף א טעלעפאן צו אויסהערן א שמועס. וועט איר מיינען אז איך האלט זיך פאר א מושלמת? איך האב שוין נישט וואס צו מתקן זיין? איך דערהייב נישט קיין מוסר? ניין און ניין!

מיין הארץ לעכצט נאך א גוטן השקפה שיעור, הלכה לעקציע אדער סתם אזוי א מוסר שמועס וואס זאל מיר מחזק זיין אין אידישקייט! אבער וואס צו נאר מען רעדט פרויען פאר שיעורים שיינע אלע אז טון איך זאל קיין נישט זיין, זאלן נושאים די וואס סיי מאמעס’?! ‘אידישע אינטערשייד וועלכע פון די תרי”ג מצוות אדער אידישע מידה וואס מען טוט ארומרעדן, אויפמערקזאם מאכן אדער מחזק זיין וועט דאס אלעמאל צו דאס מאמע’ ‘אידישע א פון פליכטן די מיט צאמגעפלאכטן ווערן באפעסטיגן ביי איר געזונדל. איך הער די רייד, מיינע מחשבות לויפן מיט

געדאנקען ווי אזוי דאס קען טאקע אויסגעפירט ווערן, מיט עצות ווי אזוי צו מחנך זיין דערצו און, איך בלייב מיט די צונג אינדרויסן און די הענט געקייטלט. ‘ניין, נישט צו דיר רעדט מען דאס...’ דערהער איך צווישן די

שורות.

“דו מוזט קומען! איך האב געהערט אז מען גייט ווייזן אויג פארכאפנדע סליידס, עפעס אזוינס און אזעלכעס! דו האסט דאך הנאה

חבר’טע מיין קען אזוי?” נישט זאכן, אזעלכע פון נישט פארשטיין מיין קאלטקייט.

די אדער סליידס די איז אסיפה די פון מטרה “די איר אפצוקילן פראבירט איך האב דרשה?”

פייערדיגע התלהבות אין וואס זי וויל מיר אריינשלעפן. “די סליידס זענען נאר ווי א זייטיגע קאמפאט אז מען זאל קומען

מיט חשק און ארויס מיט א געשמאק.”

שוין דיר איז צניעות אויף דרשה א “און טאקע ביסט דו נוגע? נישט אינגאנצן שוין האסטו אבער צנועה א באמת דערין?” שטייגן צו וואס מיט גארנישט

פארשטייט מיר נישט מיין חבר’טע.

בעל די אז געהערט איך האב “גראדע דרשנ’טע וואס גייט דארט רעדן איז עפעס גאר א זאפטיגע רעדנערן וואס לוינט נישט צו פארפאסן!” פראבירט מיין חבר’טע מיר אבי ריכטונג, אנדערן אן פון אנווארעמען צום באגלייטערן איר דערלייגן צו נישט

שיעור.

אזוי האב איך זיך מיטגעשלעפט מיט איר, בארואיגנדיג זיך אז, ‘ מיט וואס וועט מען דען טרעטן דארט אויף מיינע הינער אויגן? צניעות איז דאך באמת נוגע פאר יעדע פרוי דארף איך יא, און אמושטענדן אלע אין אסאך חיזוק אין דעם זיך צו קענען האלטן.’

אויפגעהייטערט, ווי אין די העכערע ספערן, ווי נישט בין דאך האט דער עולם ארויסגעשפאנט פון זאל. אבער איך הייליגע אזא נישט טראגט וואס פרוי א סתם דאך בין איך יעדער, אויפגאבע ווי די אידישע מאמעס. און אזוי איז מיין געמוט אויך געווען מיין סאלאט. זיסע א אין אוגערקע זויערע א ווי יעדן ביי ווי אנדערש חבר’טע האט גערעדט פול מיט באגייסטערונג, נאכזאגנדיג באצויבערנדע אויסדרוקן פון די רעדנערן אבער מיינע דערקוטשענדע מחשבות האבן איר איבערגעשריגן אין מיר: ‘אז איך בין “סתם א אידישע פרוי” האט

מיין צניעות נישט א כח?!’ ‘בין איך טאקע איין שטיק גארנישט?!’

איך קוק זיך ארום אויף מיינע שוועסטערס, שוועגערינס, חבר’טעס און שכנים. אלע זענען זיי אזוי חשוב. זיי טראגן דעם שענסטן טיטל וואס איז פארהאן: “א אידישע מאמע”! יעדע ריר זייערער איז געפלאכטן מיט אזוי פיל מצוות ומעשים טובים! אפילו ווען זיי טוען ממש קלייניגקייטן איז

דאס אויך גרויסארטיג! ספרים זענען פול מיט שעצונג צו די וואס טראגן אט דעם טיטל, אין געזעלשאפט זענען זיי אנגענומען אלץ ווערדפול און ווער רעדט נאך פון זייערע קינדער וואס וועלן אוודאי נישט אויפטוישן

“זייער מאמע” פאר קיין געלט!

און איך? האב איך עפעס א ווערד? טו איך עפעס אויף אויף דער וועלט?!

איך גלייב אז ישועת ה’ כהרף עין און איך קוק ארויס אויף דעם טאג צו אנטון אויף זיך דעם גרויסארטיגן, אויסגעבענקטן טיטל “אידישע מאמע”

אבער ביז אהין, בין איך טאקע סתם עפעס א ראזשינקע?!

אין די מפרשים אויף א נבואה פון מיכה הנביא איז דא פאר מיר א טרייסט און הדרכה. דער נביא מיכה זאגט: ומה ה’ דורש ממך כי אם עשות משפט ואהבת חסד והצנע לכת עם אלקיך - וואס פארלאנגט דער באשעפער פון דיר? זיך פירן מיט באשיידן גיין און חסד האבן ליב גערעכטיגקייט,

מיט’ן אויבערשטן.

נוסח א איז דאס - ממך דורש ה’ ומה זאל וואס שאלה. כלל ישראל פרעגט ה’: איך טון פאר דיר? ברענגען קרבנות? זאגט אויב קרבנות ברענגען קענסטו השי”ת: בהמה? א געגעבן נישט דיר האב איך ווייטער: זאל פרעגט דאס אידישע פאלק ענטפערן זיי און ה’? פאר בוקן זיך איך אליין, איך בין דאך נידעריגער פון נידעריג יא וואס נאר אלמעכטיגן! דעם קעגן פארלאנגט דער באשעפער? ומה ה’ דורש נישט דיר פון געבן קענסטו וואס - ממך געגעבן? האט באשעפער דער וואס מיט מצוות טון - חסד ואהבת משפט עשות ומעשים טובים, וואס דו געבסט אוועק א

שטיק זיך, וואס דו ארבעטסט זיך אויס.

דעם דינען דארפן מאמעס אידישע און זיין מחנך מיט’ן אויבערשטן די אין אבער קינדער די אויפהאדעווען זעלבע בחינה ווי אויבנדערמאנט קען מען זאגן, ה’ פרעגט: קענסטו מיר דינען מיט קינדער וואס איך האב דיר נישט געגעבן )ביזדערווייל(?!? די אידישע מאמע איז ווערד צו איר טיטל אויך נאר ווען זי פירט זיך נישט לויט איר געשמאק נאר געבט אוועק פון זיך צו מחנך זיין די קינדער פאר דעם אויבערשטן’ס כבוד וועגן. אזוי איז אויך אונזער תפקיד צו דינען ה’ מיט מצוות ומעשים טובים, אוועקגעבן פון זיך און זיך מתגבר זיין אויף

אונזערע נסיונות!

צו די וועלט זעט אויס ווי די קינדער געבענטשטע טוען מער אויף אבער ווער איז דער וואס באשליסט וואס עס הייסט אויפגעטון? ווער איז דער דעם מיט טאקע מען קען אפשר ווערד?!? אונזער באשליסט וואס טייטשן והצנע לכת עם אלקיך - ווער מיר זענען און וואס עס איז אונזער

.חשיבות איז באהאלטן; עס איז צווישן אונז און דעם אויבערשטן

"די מטרה פון די אסיפה איז די סליידס אדער די דרשה?" האב איך פראבירט אפצוקילן איר פייערדיגע

התלהבות אין וואס זי וויל מיר אריינשלעפן. "די סליידס זענען נאר

ווי א זייטיגע קאמפאט אז מען זאל קומען מיט חשק און ארויס מיט

א געשמאק."

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וואס איז היינט די פאפולערסטע טעמע ביי גרויס אין קליין? פיל טעלעפאן פארשפרייט, ווערן רעקלאמעס פארנוצט, ווערן טינט מעסעדזשעס אריבערגעפירט צו מזכה זיין אידישע קינדער מיט כל

מיני ישועות דורך אויסגעפרואווטע סגולות.

אידישע קינדער זענען אן עם סגולה. פול מיט סגולות פון אלע - באבסקע און מקורות’דיגע לעכערליכע, און קראנטע סארטן; עפעס אין וואס זיך אנצוכאפן צו ארויסבאקומען א ישועה דורך אן

הינטער טירל.

די שטאמען וואו פון אנגעהויבן? אלעס דאס זיך האט ווען איז תנ”ך אין אריינקוקנדיג ישראל? כלל ביי סגולות ערשטע אינטערעסאנט צו באמערקן אז פון די פריסטע סגולות וואס עס ווערן דערמאנט איז טאקע אויף צו דערגרייכן צו א ישועה אויף זרע של

קיימא.

ווי באוואוסט איז אונזער מאמע רחל געווען אן עקרה. אין איר גרויס ענגשאפט האט זי געטון א שריט קעגן די נאטור פון א פרוי, וואס דורכאויס די היסטאריע האט קיין שום פרוי נישט ליב געהאט געגעבן אן עצה פאר איר צו איר. רחל האט געטון ווערט אז דאס הייליגן מאן יעקב צו נעמען איר דינסט פאר א ווייב, טראכטנדיג אז זיי גערעכנט וועלן די קינדער פון איר דינסט וועט ערציען זי אויב איז זי וואונדער, איבער וואונדער און קינדער. אירע פאר ווערן ווערט )עס קינדער! צוויי לדרך הטבע מיט חוץ געווארן געהאלפן געברענגט אויף דעם אז דאס וואס מען נעמט אריין א קאנקורענט ביי

זיך אין שטוב איז מעורר רחמים.(

יארן גייען פארביי און אט וואקסט אויס ביי כלל ישראל נאך א גרויסע צדקניות, די נביאה חנה, די ווייב פון דעם גרעסטן פירער אין יענע תקופה, אלקנה. אזוי ווי רחל איז אויך חנה געווען אן עקרה. אויך זי גארט און לעכצט אויף א ישועה. וואס טוט מען אין אזא עת צרה?

מען קוקט אין די תורה הק’ פאר גוטע עצות און הדרכות.

חנה לערנט פון די סגולה וואס רחל אמנו האט געטון און וואס האט איר געברענגט די הילף, באשליסט זי דאס אויך צו פראבירן. זי גייט צו איר געהויבענער מאן און שלאגט אים פאר צו נעמען נאך א ווייב. אלקנה האט איר צוגעהערט און חתונה צו פנינה. חנה זעט שוין די ישועה פאר די אויגן, זי ציילט שוין די טעג. עס גייט אדורך איין טאג און נאך א טאג, א וואך, פון וואכן ווערן חדשים און, אין א שיינעם טאג הערט מען א גוטע בשורה. געוואלדיג, א גוטע בשורה אבער, ביי

וועם?! פנינה, איר “צרה”, איז געווארן א מאמע למזל טוב!

ווי קען מען באשרייבן חנה’ס ווייטאג?! נישט נאר וואס די סגולה האט נישט געארבעט ביי איר, ווערט גאר איר מאן אויפגעראכטן דורך זי האט גע’עצה’ט צו ארייננעמען! איר קאנקורענט וואס ווייב די האט איר באזיגט און דאס איז נישט געווען נאר מיט איין שאס; פנינה האט איר איבערגעשטיגן מיט א פולע הויפן! איין קינד איז געקומען נאך די צווייטע ביז זי האט דערגרייכט צו גאנצע זיבן! און צו אלע

צרות האט זיך פנינה נאך גערייצט מיט איר קלעם...

עצה? אן זיך מען געבט ווי צער? פאר אהין זיך מען טוט ווי שווער א מיט אנווענדן? יעצט זי זאל סגולות וואספארא אנגעווייטאגטע הארץ האט חנה זיך אויפגעשטעלט, געגאנגען צום משכן און זיך אויסגעוויינט פאר’ן טאטן אין הימל. און, פון דא איז

טאקע געקומען איר אויסגעווארטע ישועה!

תפלה באגלייט מיט אמונה אז דער באשעפער, און נאר ער, קען העלפן, דאס איז אלעמאל געווען די בעסטע און ווירקזאמסטע סגולה אין אלע צייטן און אומשטענדן!

!בדוק ומנוסה

די בעסטע סגולה

ח. וו.

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זאג מיר וויפיל דו האסט פארדינט אין דיין בעסטער וואך,

דעם סכום גיי איך דיר געבן יעדע וואך אבער דו זעץ דיך נאר לערנען,

איך האב געפילט אפשר צעהן מאל אין טאג אז איך מוז אנקומען צום רבש"ע, און איך האב

געמוזט מתפלל זיין

געזאגט “יא” האט ער אים געפרעגט “אויב אזוי, פארוואס האסטו טאקע אויפגעהערט דעם אפמאך וואס דו האסט געמאכט מיט יענעם?”.

האט ער געזאגט “איך וועל זאגן פאר’ן רב דעם אמת, ווי לאנג אויפגעשטאנען טאג יעדן איך בין בעקעריי, די געהאט האב איך אינדערפרי און איך האב מיך געשטעלט רעדן צום אייבערשטן, רבש”ע איך בעט ביי דיר, עס זאל אנקומען אהער גוטע ווייץ, די ווייץ זאלן זיין גוט געוואקסן. נאכדעם האב איך געבעטן, רבוש”ע העלף מיר, מען זאל גוט צעמאלן די ווייץ און עס זאל ארויסקומען גוטע מעהל. נאכדעם האב איך ווייטער געבעטן, מען זאל גוט אדורכקנעטן די מעהל כדי עס זאל ווערן גוט אפגעבאקן. און נאכדעם וואס אלעס איז שוין געווען גוט אפגעבאקן, האב

איך מתפלל געווען, רבוש”ע העלף מיר, עס זאלן קומען קונים וואס זאלן קויפן מיינע געבעקסן, איך האב געפילט אפשר צעהן מאל אין טאג אז איך מוז אנקומען צום רבש”ע, און איך האב געמוזט מתפלל צום נאנט זייער געפילט מיך האב איך און זיין,

רבש”ע”.

זאגט ער ווייטער “זינט יענער האלט מיך איך פיל געלט, וואך יעדע מיר גיט ער און אויס, דארף איך אז טריט און שריט יעדן אויף נישט אויף שטיי איך ווען ווייל רבש”ע, צום אנקומען געלט מיין שוין האב איך אז איך פיל אינדערפרי גרייט דורך דעם איד, ממילא האב איך געפילט אז

עס איז וויכטיגער אז איך זאל צוריק עפענען דעם בעקעריי געשעפט, און זיך פילן ווייטער נאנט און רעדן צום אייבערשטן”.

דער מגלה עמוקות האט אויסגעהערט פונקטליך די טענות, און וואס ער האט גע’פסק’נט איז נישט באקאנט. אבער דאס יא, ווען דער מגלה עמוקות האט געזעהן אז אין דער שטאט קראקא קומט פאר אזא סארט דין תורה, האט ער זיך מיישב געווען, אז אויב ס’איז דא אזעלכע

וואוילע אידן דארטן, וויל ער פארבלייבן אין קראקא.

אים זאלסט דו וגו’” שכרו תתן “ביומו שטייט, פסוק אין באצאלן דעם זעלבן טאג, “כי עני הוא וגו’”, ווייל ער איז אן ארימאן, “ולא יקרא עליך אל ד’ והיה בך חטא”, און ער זאל נישט רופן צוליב דיר צו השי”ת און עס וועט דיר זיין פאררעכנט אלס א זינד. מען זעהט פון דעם פסוק אז א איד וואס האט נישט פון אלעמען, ער איז אן ארימאן, דער איז

שטארק נאנט צום רבש”ע, און ער קען רופן דעם רבש”ע אלעמאל.

פון די אנדערע זייט דארף מען אבער דאס געדענקען אז מען איז א גאנצע צייט נאנט צום רבש”ע, און טאקע ווען מען האלט ביי אזא מין מצב דארף מען האלטן אין איין רופן דעם רבש”ע, און זיך פילן נאנט

צו אים.

ווען א איד מוטשעט זיך מיט סיי וועלכע פראבלעם אין לעבן, צו מיט קינדער, צו מיט פרנסה, צו מיט אנדערע זאכן, אזא איד איז גאר שטארק נאנט צום רבש”ע, מען האלט אין איין מתפלל זיין צום רבש”ע, און ס’איז זיכער אז די תפילות גייען נישט לאיבוד, און סוף כל סוף וועט מען נאך זעהן די ליכטיגקייט, און עס וועט קומען די ישועה. און דעמאלס און מען געזאגט, וואס מען האט די אלע תפילות צוזאמען זיך נעמען

זעהט אז די אלע תפילות האבן פועל געווען.

די טובה וואס מיר דארפן זעהן אין דעם מצב פון פראבלעמען אין לעבן איז, דאס וואס עס קומט למעשה ארויס פון די אלע שוועריקייטן, די ביי דא זעהן מיר ווי רבש”ע, צום נאנט שטארק מאכט דאס אז אויבנדערמאנטע מעשה וואס האט זיך אפגעשפילט ביים הייליגן מגלה עמוקות, און אזוי ווי דער מדרש זאגט )ב”ר פמ”ה ד’(, אז וועגן דעם זענען אונזערע דער ווייל עקרות, געווען אמהות די באבעס האט ער געווען, מתאוה האט אייבערשטער

געגלוסט צו זייערער תפילות.

דעם צוליב אז זאגן צו שווער איז עס און שוועריקייטן אלע די לוינען זיך זאל טובה נישט זיך וואונטשט למעשה ווייל פראבלעמען, קיינער קיין עגמת נפש אין לעבן, און אודאי נישט אזעלכע שוועריקייטן אין אונזער מצב. אבער וואס – אויגן די פאר האלטן און וויסן יא דארפן מיר במשך די תקופה וואס עס איז אונז באשערט אדורכצוגיין די מצבים – איז, אז מיר פארמאגן א מתנה טובה וואס אנדערע פארמאגן נישט, וואס דאס איז די שטארקע נאנטשאפט צום רבוש”ע. ווי די פסוק אין תהלים

)תהלים עג, כח( זאגט “ואני קרבת אלקים לי טוב וגו’”.

ווען מיר טרעטן אריין אין די קומענדיגע הייליגע טעג פון אלול און תשרי, די גרויסע זמנים פון תפלה, ווען איעדע איד שפירט זיך נאנט צו השי”ת, און מען וויל צוקומען נאך נענטער פארשריבן צו ווערן דורך אונזער באליבטע טאטע אין הימל צו א יאר פון גאולה וישועה אין אלע ענינים ברוחניות ובגשמיות, דארפן מיר זיך שפירן גליקליכע און אויסנוצען מיר וואס השי”ת צו קירבה שטארקע די פון “פראטעקציע” אונזער פארמאגן, זיך טאקע אויסצובעטן א זיס לעכטיג יאר. און ווי פארשטענדליך אז אזא נאנטשאפט צו השי”ת גייט אויך אויף צוריק אז השי”ת טוט אונז די פון יאר גאנץ א זייענדיג ליבשאפט ספעציעלע א מיט ארומנעמען מקורבים וואס טוען זיך שיצן אונטער זיין ווארימע און ליבליכע ארעם, און מיר וועלן זיכער האבן די כוחות צו שעפן די השפעות וואס השי”ת האט אוועקגעלייגט ספעציעל פאר אונז. מיר דארפן דאס אבער וויסן און זיך

.נישט חלילה אונטערשאצן

דער הייליגער בעל מגלה עמוקות זי”ע, איז געווען רב געוואלט האט ער אז געמאכט זיך האט איינמאל קראקא, אין אוועק גיין פון קראקא, מען האט אים געשיקט א כתב רבנות פון א באטראכט אין גענומען ערנסט האט ער און שטאט, קלענערע יענעם פארשלאג, ביז ס’איז געקומען צו אים עפעס א דין תורה אין דער שטאט, וואס צוליב דער דין תורה איז ער געבליבן וואוינען

אין קראקא.

זענען עס פאלגענד: ווי געווען איז תורה דין די אריינגעקומען צו אים צוויי אידן, וואס איינער האט געהאט טענות אויפן צווייטן, האט דער מגלה עמוקות באפוילן, אז דער תובע זאל

ערשט אנהייבן צו רעדן.

“דער טענה, זיין פארצולייגן אנגעהויבן יענער האט נתבע, ד.ה. דער אנדערער מענטש וועמען ער האט גערופן צו דין תורה פארמאגט א בעקעריי געשעפט, בין איך אמאל אריינגעקומען

אין זיין בעקעריי געשעפט, און איך האב געשמועסט מיט אים אין שווערע א גאר עפעס פארענטפערט מיר האט ער און לערנען קשיא. איז מיר דאן אריין אין קאפ, ווי קומט צו אזא תלמיד חכם ער זאל פירן א בעקעריי געשעפט, ס’האט עפעס נישט קיין פשט. בין איך צוגעגאגען צו אים און איך האב אים געזאגט אזוי, איך בין בעקעריי דעם פארמאך דיך, בעט איך עושר, אן איד א ב”ה געשעפט און זעץ דיך לערנען, זאג מיר וויפיל דו האסט פארדינט וואך יעדע געבן דיר איך גיי סכום דעם וואך, בעסטער דיין אין אבער דו זעץ דיך נאר לערנען, יענער איז געווארן זייער פרייליך און ער האט טאקע אזוי געטוהן. און איך האב אים באצאלט יעדע וואך פונקטליך. יעצט איז דורכגעגאנגען עפעס א שטיק צייט, עטליכע חדשים, און ער האט צוריק געעפענט דעם בעקעריי געשעפט, און

ער האט מיר געזאגט, איך זאל אים מער נישט געבן קיין געלט”.

דער מגלה עמוקות דרייט זיך אויס צום נתבע און פרעגט אים “ער האט דיר טאקע געצאלט געהאלט יעדע וואך?” האט ער

חיזוק

ואני קרבת אלקים לי טוב

זלמן טויב

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איז טאקע דער מלא כל הארץ כבודו אליינס אין די זכרונות פון מוסף זאגען מיר די פסוק כה אמר השם אזוי זאגט דער אייבישטער זכרתי לך חסד נעורייך איך געדענק די חסד וואס די האסט מיט מיר געטוהן לכתך אחרי במדבר בארץ לא זרועה כלל ישראל א חשבון פון זעקס הונדערט טויזענט נפשות אן די פרויען און קינדער ביז די צוואנציג לאזען זיך ארויס אן קיין פלאן אריין אין מדבר אריין אן די מינדעסטע אנונג פון ווי מען וועט האבען צו עסן אדער א דאך איבערן קאפ מיט א מאקסימום רואיגקייט און טראסט אינעם אייבירשטן אן פרעגען וואס וויאזוי אט דאס איז דער רבש’’ע מעיד אז מיר - זיין עם סגולה וואס ער האט דערהויבן איבער אלע פעלקער - פארמאגען א ריינע אמונה ובטחון אין

זיין נאמען. און וויליגקייט און גרייטקייט אלעס אויפצוגעבן אים צו דינען.

וועלט פארציילט פון א וואס די צום שלוס איז דא א באקאנטער משל דארפישען פויער וואס זיין לעבן איז באשטאנען פון בלויז אקערן אין פעלד און פאשען די קיען האט אים איינמאל א חבר געזאגט אז נישט ווייט פון דארף איז דא א גרויסער שטאט פיל מיט מענטשען מיט אלע מאדערענע איינרוכטונגען און מען זאגט אז עס איז זייער אינטרעסאנט און די חבר האט אים אנגעצינדען וואס עס קומט פאר אין שטאט אריינקומענדיג אין צו זעהן טאקע רייץ א שטאט איז איינע פון די פלעצער וואס ער האט באזוכט איז געווען די שפיטאל און פונקט האט מען געהאלטן פארן מאכן אן אפאראציע פאר איינעם און דער דאקטער האט מסכים געווען ער זאל אריינקומען און מיט האלטן פון דער

מענטש דער האט שניידען אנגעהויבען האט דאקטער דער נאר ווי נאנט. אנגעהויבען צו שרייען געוואלד ער הא’רגעט דעם מענטש..

צו דען זענען מיר נישט פונקט אזוי ווען מיר באטראכטן צומאל וויאזוי דער וועלט און מיר שרייען געוואלד?! אונזער קבלה זיין זקן מלא רחמים פירט אויפען נייעם יאר איז אז יא עס איז שוין נישט דער ערשטער דורכפאל און עס אין שטארקען זיך וועלען מיר אבער צאמצונעמען זיך שווער זייער איז געדאנקען פון אמונה און זיך אונטערליינען אונטער איר וואס דאס ברענגט אונז נענטער צום צלא דקודשא ברך הוא און דאס איז די געוואלדיגער שמחה פון שמחת בית השואבה שמשם שואבין רוח הקודש ווייל די גאנצע עבודה פון פון וועג באגרעניצטע אונזער פון באפרייען צו זיך איז תשרי אלול ימי די טראכטן און מיר זענען זיך מקשר צום ליכטיגען קלארע טראכט פון אמונה ובטחון מיט דעם באפרייען מיר די נפש פון אירע קייטן און מען שעפט ריינע ביים אייבירשטן איז עוז ווייל וואס פילן אן מיט שמחה ריכטיגע מחשבות וחדוה במקומו עס געפינט זיך נישט קיין עצבות ביים אייבירשטן נאר שמחה זיך און אויפהייבן זיך פון כוחות אינערליכע די פארמאגען אלע מיר ורנה. ארויסרייסן פון די טבע’דיגע וועג פון טראכטן וואס צוימט אונז מיט קייטן און

שאפט זינלאזע ענגשאפטן אין לעבן וואס זענען נישט אמת.

!עם השם חזקו ונתחזקה

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3 years:Finally we got a diagnosis! But… it isn’t rosy, to say

the least. Oh Hashem, it isn’t your plan for me to havea big family. I will have to accept that I will probablyhave fewer kids than I envisioned. It is a letdown, butwhat’s important for right now is to have a child andstart a family, right? Dayainu.

3 years + 10 months:IVF worked! But within my first trimester, I miscar-

ried. Oh dear, how do I see the good in that? It willtake time, but bezras Hashem the pain will heal whenI get my next BFP. Doctor said it was just a fluke...Dayainu.

8 years:I am losing my mind. I cannot take another failed cycle.

When will my time come? Remember when I was disap-pointed that I will not have a huge family? Hashem, if only yougive me ONE child, I will be so happy. And I will sing on the topof my lungs: DAYAINU!

Shattered dreams are familiar to all of us. The importantthing is to remember that Hashem has a plan, one that is tailormade for us. And to always find the Dayainu in our situation,even if it’s not what we wanted.

Now how does the next bit go? Al achas kama vekama….may we be zoche to praise and thank Hashem, when he finallyputs an end to this journey. May we be zoche to our personalredemption from this golus called infertility bekorov, amen!

Specializing in Minimally Invasive Laparoscopic Surgery, Including:

Aaron Weinreb, MDBoard Certified in Obstetrics and Gynecology

NYM Associates1309 Ave J Brooklyn, NY 11230 718-677-1710

Most Insurances Accepted Including HMO Medicaid

Laparoscopic Ovarian Cystectomy Laparoscopic HysterectomyLaproscopic and Hysteroscopic Myomectomy

Solo-practitioner offering personalizedand individualized Obstetrical Care.

“When we are not able to change a situation,we are challenged to change ourselves.

Pesach 5774 Mgazine:Tishrei Magazine 5774 3/31/2014 4:34 PM Page 27

די הכנות צום שפיל,איז אין פולן קראפט.ארבעט איז דא פיל,

מ’פלאנירט טאג און נאכט.

רחי, דבורי און פייגי,פאר די טאנץ פאסיג.

ביילא מלכי און איידי,זינגען ערשטקלאסיג.

רייזי שטייט פון דער זייט,זעט די ליסטעס מיט נעמען.

די אויגן אויפ’ן בלאט פארגלייזט,הייבט פארוואונדערטע ברעמען.

“ווי קען דאס בכלל זיין?”פרעגט זי די לערערין איידל,

“מיין נאמען טוט בכלל נישט שטיין,“בין איך א ‘פארגעסענע’ מיידל?!”

“ניין מיין טייער קינד, “איך וועל דיר ערקלערן,

“א ספעציעלן תפקיד“וועט דיר געגעבן ווערן...”

ביים גרויסן אתרוג סוחר, עס ווירבלט מיט קונים.

פון איינעם צום צווייטן לויפט ער,צייגן זיינע אתרוגים.

מיט פארגרעסערונגס גלעזער,די פלעקן מען באטראכט.

מבינות, מיינונגען זאגט יעדער,און מען דינגט זיך אויפ’ן פרייז.

אין א ווינקל אין דער זייט,ליגט אן אתרוג באהאלטן.

קיינער אין זיין ד’ אמות גייט,זיין ווייטאג ער קען נישט איינהאלטן.

“פארוואס נעמט מיר קיינער אין די הענט,“פארוואס קוקט קיינער אויף מיר?“איך בין א הדר, א מבין דערקענט,

“בין איך א ‘פארגעסענער’ פרי?!”

“אתרוג טייערער, מ’געדענקט דיר גוט,“דיין צורה איז ממש א פראכט.

“אין דער זייט באהאלטן דו ליגסט,“א ספעציעלער תפקיד אויף דיר ווארט...”

א חתונה געפראוועט מיט פרייד,די כלה שוועבט אין די ספערן.

צום נייעם לעבן ווערט באגלייט,און מ’ווארט גוטע בשורות צו הערן.

די חבר’טעס פון קלאס, טוען זיך פאראויס רוקן.

עס איז בכלל נישט קיין שפאס,ווען זי טוט ארום זיך בליקן.

די יארן גייען ווייטער א גאנג,די געשוויסטער וואקסן אונטער.

מ’הערט שוין זיסע קולכ’לעך געזאנג,פון טייערע, לעכטיגע קינדער.

און דאס ווייבל שפירט זיך נאך ביים אנפאנג,אן ענדלאזע שנה ראשונה זי פארבראכט.

זי ווארט און ווארט אזוי, אזוי לאנג,“בין איך א ‘פארגעסענע’, קאנדידאט?!”

“ניין מיין טאכטער,” דער באשעפער זאגט,“איך געדענק און טראכט פון דיר יעדע מינוט.

“אן אייגנארטיגע תפקיד דו פארמאגסט, ”!!!דו וועסט נאך זען, עס וועט זיין גאר גוט“

האט מען פוןח.ר. מיר פארגעסן?!?

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דערציילט ער אז ווען עס איז שוין געווען מער ביים ענדע פונעם

טרויעריג ווי און סעלעקציע. א געמאכט אמאל מען האט קריג,

באקאנט, אז די וועם מען האט געשיקט רעכטס זענען געווען נידון

פלעגט רח’’ל. למיתה נידון געווען זענען לינקס צו דו און לחיים.

יעדער פרובירען מיט די לעצטע ביסעל כוחות זיך אהערצושטעלן,

וואו מען איז, מען זאל אים שיקען מען זאל אויסקוקען געזונטער

מיט אויך האט ער און לעבן. בלייבען קענען אזוי רעכטס.און

אים האט מען און ריקען. די אויסגעגראדעט זיך אנשטרענגעניש

זיך, אז גייט רעכטס כאפט ער ווי ער און טאקע געשיקט רעכטס.

וועגן זיך געמישט אין די מיטען זיך אהערשטעלן בעסער האט ער

די צו צוריק געגעבן א שאר זיך ער גלייך האט אייבירשטן. פונעם

שורה און זיך געשטעלט נאטורליך. און מען האט אים טאקע געשיקט

לינקס וועגן זיין שלעכטען אויסקוק. און ער איז געווען זייער צופרידען

מיט זיך, אז ער האט געהאט די שטארקייט מיט צו גיין מיט די רצון

השם.

דא איז אבער אלעס געגאנגען

ווי געווענטליך די רעכטע אנדערש

גרופע האט מען ליידער דערשאסען

מען האט לינקע די און טויט. צום

גענומען צו א שפיטאל ווי מען האט

זיך מיט זיי איבערגעגעבן מיט פיל

איז עס ווייל געטריישאפט.

די ווען געווען דעמאלטס

האבען דייטשען פארשאלטענע

דרויסענדיגע די פון דריק געהאט

פארברעכנס. זייערע פאר וועלט

געוואלט דעם מיט זיי האבען

פארלייקענען זייערע גרויל מעשים

און גערופען מען זאל קומען קוקען

די אויף מיט זיך פירען זיי ווי שיין

אויסגעקוקט אים האט אויף אויבען דא און קראנקע. און אלטע

פארשטענדליך אז די רעכטע בלייבען לעבן און נישט די לינקע און

מכח זיין חשבון וואס דאן וואלט ער זיך געמישט אינעם אייבירשטענס

חשבונות וואלט ער טאקע געווען פון די רעכטע און מיט זיין מיטגיין

מיטען אייבירשטן האט ער פארזיכערט זיין לעבן פונקט פארקערט ווי

ער האט געזעהן שכלדיג!

מען זאגט אין די יוצר סוכות, די באקאנטע מדרש, אז ווען משיח

פאר צוטיילען וועט מען הגמול. עת די זיין וועט עס קומען, וועט

און לויפען צו גויים קומען די וועלען זיין פארדינטען שכר, יעדעם

פארלאנגען אז זיי ווילען אויך היטען די תורה און באקומען שכר. וועט

זיי דער רבש’’ע זאגען איך האב א קליינע מצווה וואס איך קען ענק

געבן. לאמיר זעהן צו איר קענט עס איינהאלטן. און דער רבש’’ע וועט

זיי געבן די מצווה פון סוכה און ער וועט מאכן עס זאל זיין זייער הייס

און זיי וועלן ארויס לויפען און צושטויסען די סוכה.

טענה’ריי. די אומפארשטענדליך אויס קוקט אויף אויבען

קץ ביים שוין האלט מען ווען יעצט אז גויים די מיינען פארוואס

הפלאות קען מען נאך טוהן מצוות צו באקומען שכר גלייך מיט דיע

זיך. פארלאנגט עס ווי געלעבט לעבן גאנצער זייער האבען וואס

צווייטנס אויב מען קען יא יעצט טוהן מצוות וואס איז פשט אז דער

רבש’’ע וועט אזוי הייס מאכן ביז זיי וועלען ארויסלויפען. דריטענס

פארוואס דריקט די מדרש אז זיי וועלען ‘צושטויסען די סוכה’ וואס

ברענגט דאס ארויס.

נאר וואס דען. די רבש’’ע וועט מיט דעם געבן צו פארשטיין פאר

די אומות העולם אויף ‘וואס’ די אידען באקומען די שכר. נישט אזוי

אלעס ווי המצווה, קיום עצם די עשייה פאקטישער די אויף ווייט

ארום די מצווה די הכנה, די שמחה, די מוטשע ארום דעם, און כוחות

וואס עס האט זיך פארלאנגט דערצו. לפום צערא אגרא די שכר איז

לויט די פלאג.

דער אויף עבודה די איז דאס

וועלט. פארצייטענס איז עס געווען

ווען די רשעי אומות העולם האבען

פרובירט מיט געוואלד אפצורייסען

דעם איד פון טוהן מצוות. נאך אין

פארגאנגענהייט ווייטע נישט די

געווען איז רוסלאנד ווען

באין פארשלאסען הערמאטיש

יוצא ובאין בא און מיט א גרויזאמען

הארט די האבען פויסט

פארפרוירענע מיליצע, די רוסישע

און געהאקט פאליציי געהיים

געפלינדערט יעדעם וואס עס האט

דער אז געדאכט נאר זיי זיך

אבער אידישקייט. פראקטיצירט

עס האט זיי ווייניג וואס געהאלפען

יונגע בחורים זענען מיט העלדישע מסירות נפש געגאנגען צו תורה

שיעורים און מקיים געווען די מצוות השם וויסענדיג קלאר אז עס איז

א גיין אדורך וועלען זיי ביז צייט פון שאלה א בלויז איז עס אז

פשוט זענען -וואס אפיצירען בי דזשי קעי די דורך באהאנדלונג

געווען לאיאל געטריי און איבערגעגעבן מיט הארץ און נשמה פאר

מאמע רוסלאנד און איר דורכגעפוילטער אידעלאגיע- פשוט אביסעל

אויפשאקלען זיך צאמצונעמען. אבער מיט א הייליגע ברען זענען זיי

געגאנגען און זיך דערקוויקט זייער דארשטריגע נשמה מיט די זיסע

תורה. און זייער הארץ איז פיל געווען מיט בענקשאפט און געגועים

צו קענען לערנען אן אויפהער.

די אין אוועקגעגעבן אלעס אידען האבען נפש מסירות מיט

שווערסטע זמנים צו קענען מקיים זיין א מצווה. און ווי פארווייטאגט

איז א איד ווען מען האלט פון אים אפ מקיים צו זיין א מצווה. ווי מען

ליידער איז מען ווען שהם מקום בכל קינדער אידישע זעט

איינגעשפארט אונטער די תפיסה גראטעס אדער אין שפיטאל ל’’ע

זיין קאפ וואס נעמט ארום די גרעסטע דאגה ווען ער ווערט פרייליך ווי התורה קיום איז פארט ער האט שוועריגקייטן אלע טראץ געקענט מקיים זיין א מצווה ווי עס באדארף צו

זיין.

קרוב א ביי שפיטאל אין זייענדיג אמאל די פון שווער גאר געליטען ל’’ע האט וואס זיך יסורים האבען די ווען מחלה הנוראה. און די זענען קאפ אין צושפיעלט ליידער ווייגעשרייען געווען אזוי ביטער און מיט אזוינע קולות וואס האט צו ווארפען די שפיטאל ווענט די הארץ פלעגט איינגיין פאר צער צו זעהן ווי

דער יונגערמאן ווארפט זיך פון די יסורים קשים ומרים אבער ווי נאר פון גייט דאווענען מעריב האט ער געזאגט אז מען מען האט אים אלעם פארגעסען און געווען מלא שמחה אז כאטש אלע שוועריגקייטן קען ער דאווענען מיט א היט אויפען קאפ און ארומגענומען מיט א גארטעל פונקט ווי אלע אידען אין ביהמ’’ד אזוי ווייט אז די שפיטאל איינגעשטעלטע פלעגען ארויסגיין פון התפעלות אז דא שרייט ער מיט אזוינע געוואלדעס און אין די רגע וואס ער איז פארנומען מיט רעליגיע קוקט ער אויס ווי א נייער מענטש. יא לולי תורתך שעשועי אז אבדתי בעניי איז נישט בלויז פאר דערהויבענע אידען בני עלייה עס נעמט אריין אלע אידען ווייל דאס איז די מאטעריאל מיט וואס די נאר עס דארפען מיר צאמגעשטעלט. און געוועבט איז נשמה

ארויסברענגען מן הכח אל הפועל!

א איד האט אמאל געפרעגט פון איינע פון די פריערדיגע גדולים וואס עס קען זיין פשט פון די קאנטאניסטען אזויפיל אידישע נשמות זענען פארווארפען געווארען אין אלע עקן און ווינקלען פון לאנד און געלעבט און אויפגעשטעלט א דור פונקט ווי די פראוואסלאנע גויים וואס האט דער רבש’’ע דערפון. האט ער געענטפערט אז עס קען זיין אזויפיל דערלייגען צו אייבירשטן פארן געלוינט זיך האט עס אז זיך נפש מסירות מיט האבען וואס געציילטע דיע פאר נשמות געשלאגען און זענען געווען נתונים למכים ביז אויס און זייער לעבן פריי געשאנקען נאר נישט צו פארשוועכען זייער הייליג נאמען וואס זיי האבען געטראגען מיט שטאלץ. ווייל דאס איז ארויף לריח ניחוח יום הקדוש. אין ולפנים לפני גדול איז אריין כהן ווען דער ווי מער פארוואס ווייל דאס איז די גאנצע ציהל און תכלית פון די וועלט אז עס די אויף אייבירשטן פונעם נאמען די ווערען ונתקדש נתגדל זאל וועלט. און דאס איז ווען אידישע קינדער געבן אוועק זייער לעבן און והוא דינען צו וואסער אים טאנצען מיט שמחה אין פייער און אין

כבודו.

דאס איז געווען פארצייטענס היינט לעבן מיר ב’’ה אין אן עפאכע פון דעמאקראטיע פריי פאר יעדע סארט רעליגיע קיינער טשעפעט נישט מען ברויך נישט לויפען אין קעלער לערנען אדער פארציען די פארהאנג ווען מען צינד די שבת ליכט א.א.וו. אבער אין א געוויסער זין איז אונזער מלחמה פאר אונזער אידישקייט פיל א שווערערע, ווייל עס איז בדעת. אונז דארפען איבערשווענקען אונזער וועג פון טראכטן צו די קראנטע ריכטיגע וועג שעפען אונזער פארזיכערונג אין

סיי וועלכע הינזיכט אין לעבן ר ע ז נ ו א ן ו פ ט ש י נמאטעמאטישער חשבון אין וואס מיר זענען איינגעבינדען ווייל די גאנצער לופט דרייט וויסען און פון נאר זיך אזוי. אינעם אמונה אן מיט לעבן

מנהיג הבירה.

עס איז אדורך א יאר. א אנטוישונגען מיט פיל יאר האט אונז פון יעדער און געהאפט פאראיאר מתפלל געווען אז די יאר זאל זיין ‘די’ יאר. די הערצער זענען פיל און די ווייטאג איז גרויס און צומאל איז די פילע ווייטאגען און דורכפעלער גורם אז די געפילן ווערען פארהארטעוועט מען פיעלט כאילו איך וויל שוין גארנישט. יא מיר זענען מענטשען. א געמיש פון ליים איז אונזער די לויט פיעלט מען נאטורליכע. זענען געפילן די און צאמשטעל. חשבונות אז איך האב שוין נישט קיין כח נע איך וועל שוין נישט. וכו’.

זיין ברויך טראכטן פון וועג אונזער אז וויסען אבער לאמיר אנדערש ווי די גוי טראכט אין אזא מצב ווייל ווען משיח וועט קומען גייט ער און נקודה קליינע יעדע פאר שכר באקומען מיר וועלען שטויסען די סוכה. און וואס איז טאקע די חילוק פון אונז צו להבדיל די גויים. אז זיי וועלען שטויסען די סוכה. די תירוץ דערויף איז די סוכה וואס איז צלא דמהימנותא. מיר אידען האבען א געבוירענע אמונה אינעם אייבירשטן און דאס איז טייטש די שאטן פון אמונה שאטן איז די פון שיצט וואס שאטן א אונטער מען גייט ברענט זון די ווען ברענעדיגע שטראלען די זעלבע מיר לעבן אין א וועלט אין וואס מען ווען היינט צו גערודפט אידען ווען מען האט צו ווערט פארברענט קענען פון אונז פארפירט און אונז רודפט דעת אייגענע אונזער די און שיצען זיך סוכה די אין אריין מיר לויפען ריכטיג טראכטן באדייט דערפון איז אז די סוכה איז די סימבאל וואס ברענגט ארויס זיך פארן הצפון טוב משכר באקומען פון וועלט די פון ציהל די דראפענען אויף דער וועלט און דאס זאגט די רבש’’ע מי שטרח בערב שבת יאכל בשבת וואס די געדאנק איז אז די גאנצער ערב שבת טאג איז מען פארנומען אנצוגרייטען פארן מארגענדיגע טאג די זעלבע מיט אידען זיי מוטשענען זיך די גאנצער לעבן און זיי גרייטען זיך אן

פאר די ריכטיגער לעבן.

דאס איז טאקע די אויספיהר ומי שלא טרח בערב שבת מה יאכל בשבת מען האט גארנישט פון יעצט מקיים זיין די מצוות ווען עס איז אן פלאג און די מדרש פירט טאקע אויס אז זיי וועלען שטויסען די סוכה מיינט צו זאגען אז די גוי ווי נאר ס’ווערט די מינדעסטע שווער צושטויסט ער און צו ווארפט אבער די אידען זענען סובלת סבלך יעדע זענען מיר און מיר טראגען אונטער נאר קומט וואס שוועריגקייט נישט בועט ווייל מיר גלייבן אז אלעס איז מיט א פונקטליכער פלאן

און איז לטובה און מיר בלייבען געטריי דעם רבון עלם ועלמיא.

און די עדות אויף אונזער בלינדע געטריישאפט צום אייבירשטן

דער דאקטער האט מסכים געווען ער זאל אריינקומען און מיט האלטן

פון דער נאנט. ווי נאר דער דאקטער האט אנגעהויבען שניידען האט דער מענטש

אנגעהויבען צו שרייען געוואלד ער הא'רגעט דעם מענטש..

אונזער וועג פון טראכטן ברויך זיין אנדערש ווי די גוי טראכט

אין אזא מצב ווייל ווען משיח וועט קומען וועלען מיר באקומען שכר פאר יעדע קליינע נקודה און ער

גייט שטויסען די סוכה.

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REI 5

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מיר שטייען אנהייב חודש תשרי. חודש תשרי, איז א חודש פון בלויז הויעך פונקטן, עס איז נישט גרינע א איז וואס חודש די אין טאג איין דא דינסטאג. אדער איז עס א’ סליחות, אדער שלוש פון ראש השנה אדער עשרה מדות, אפגערעדט איז די דערהויבענע טעג פון איינע און יוהכ’’פ, יו’’ט סוכות. ריינע און אויסגעלייטערטע, שפאנט כלל ישראל מיט געהויבענע געמיטער, אריין אין די הייליגע סוכה, למיתב בצלא דמהימנותא, צו זיצן אין די שאטן פון אמונה. בצלא דקודשא בריך הוא, אין די שאטן פונען אייבירשטן. לאמיר זיך געבן א באטראכט, וואס איז דאס די שאטן פון אמונה?

און וואס איז דאס די שאטן פונעם אייבירשטן.

מינוט, א טראכטן אפ זיך שטעלט מען ווען פארנומען זענען מענטשען מיר אז מען זעט חשבונ’ען א גאנצען טאג. פאר יעדע ריר, אפילו די מינדעסטע, טראכט מען, און מען רעכנט, צו עס לוינט זיך צו נישט. און בעצם די גאנצע סיסטעם מעסטן מיר און, חשבון. מיט גייט וועלט די פון און חשבון. מיט געשטעל און חשיבות אונזער נאטורליך אז די חשבון איז א זאך אין וואס דער הייבט אן א זיך. למשל פאר מען מענטש שיצט פון וויפיל און וואס חשבון א מען מאכט חודש יעדע מעדעצין מען זאל נעמען. אלעס געבויעט אז מען זאל אנקומען צום תכלית בעזר השם. און מען

נעמט אויך אריין שכלדיגע חשבונות, און סיבות, פארוואס די מאל גייט עס גיין. און ווייל לויט וויאזוי די שכל האט אויסגע’חשבנ’ט די וועט און גוט איז עס אז ארום, גאנצע די מיט מאטעמאטיקעס, קומט אנצוהייבען. באקוועם און רואיג זיך מען פיעלט ארבעטען, אין גייט הצלחות, אונזערע אין פארזיכערונג, אונזער אז אויס,

געשפאן געשניטן לויט אונזער כח החשבון.

אזוי איז מיט יעדע זאך, אז ווען די חשבון זאגט אז עס איז גוט גוט, נישט עס זאגט טאמער און איר. אין זיך מען פארזיכערט אוטאמאטיש איז מען צובראכן און פארלוירן. און דער אמת איז אז לעבן געבויעט מיט חשבון איז א מציאות. וואס אזוי קומט, און עס

פארלאנגט זיך פון א איד צו לעבן מיט א חשבון.

אבער לאמיר זעהן צו אונזערע וועגן פון רעכענען שטימט. און צו זי איז באגרינדעט. די ערשטע זאך וואס קומט אויפען געדאנק איז, צו איז דא לויט אונזער וועג פון רעכענען איין שכלדיגע סיבה וויאזוי כלל ישראל עקזעסטירט נאך, ווען יעדע יאר הונדערט האט מען געריסען אבנארמאלע שטיקער פונעם שה פזורה נידחה, בלויז ווייל זי איז א איד. די קורות ימי ישראל, איז א בלוט דורכגעווייקטע. אזויפיל גזירות און השמדיות רח’’ל! און ווי שטייען מיר היינט, דמתה לתמר צו א טייטעלבוים זענען מיר גלייך, וואס שטייט א שטאלצע און א פעסטע און רירט זיך נישט פון ארט. עם ישראל חי לעולם. מיר לעבן און מיר מערן זיך כ’’י. קען מען לויט אונזערע רעכענונגען דאס מסביר זיין? זענען וואו ערגעץ אז צוקומען, מוזען מיר נישט. אבסעלוט ניין

אונזערע נומערן פארפארן.

ווען מיר גייען א טריט ווייטער איז אינטרעסאנט צו באמערקן. די לולב: מצוות אויף שרייבט תורה דרשענט הראשון, ביום לכם ולקחתם אויף דעם די מדרש תנחומא: ראשון די מען ווען עוונות לחשבון טאג. ערשטע די רעכענען צו אן ווידעראמאל הייבט עבירות. עס איז מאדנע צו באצייכענען מען הייבט טאג די אין אז יו’’ט, א

נאכאמאל אן צו רעכענען עבירות?

נאר וואס דען, ראשון לחשבון עוונות

ברענגט ארויס די ענין פון אית דין ואית דיין. עס דערמאנט אונז אז, יש מנהיג לבירה. עס איז דא איינער וואס האלט חשבון. און ווער איז דער איינער, אבינו רועינו אונזער ליבער פאטער. און אפילו ווען ער דארף אמאל חלילה שטראפען, איז עס נישט מיט כעס אדער נקמה. עס איז ריין רחמים וחסדים. ראשון לחשבון עוונות ברענגט ארויס דעם אני מאמין, אז דער רבש’’ע זעלבסט, איז עשה ועושה ויעשה לכל המעשים. און מיר גלייבן אז אלעס איז מיט א פונקטליכער פלאן, וואס די פלאן איז אוועקגעשטעלט מיט בלויז איין ציהל, די בעסטע פאר אונז. און אונזער עבודה איז צו פארשטיין און אנערקענען אז

אונזער באגרעניצטע בליק פון טראכטן און רעכענען.

ווי א נובהרדוק ברענגט עס ארויס פון ווי דער אלטער עס איז מענטש וואס האט נאך קיינמאל נישט געזעהן א עראפלאן. און מען ווייזט אים אן אויף א פיצעלע פינטעל הויעך אין די ספערען אז יענע פינטעל איז לאנג און הויעך און אין איר זיצן אפאר הונדערט מענטשען און מען קען דארט שפאצירען וכוי’. פארשטייט יעדער אז היות ער נישט עס ער קען מושג, אזא געזעהן נישט קיינמאל נאך האט פארשטיין. אבער נישט ווייל עס קען נישט זיין. נאר ער איז ווייט פון די מציאות. און ווען מען וועט אראפברענגען די עראפלאן צו זיינע אויגען וועט ער עס שוין איינמאל פארשטיין. די זעלבע איז מיט אונז, דאס וואס מיר קענען נישט מיט גיין מיט די וועג פון רעכענען מיטען ווייל מיר זענען ווייל עס שטימט נישט. נאר אייבירשטן, איז נישט

ווייט דערפון.

די ארבעט איז נישט צו פארשטיין, ווייל ווי איז דען מעגליך פאר א מענטש פון פלייש און ביין זאל קענען פארשטיין די סודות הבריאה. וואו האט דער הייליגער קאצקער געזאגט א גאט וואס איך פארשטיי זיינע וועגן איז מיר נישט אינטרעסאנט. נאר וואס, עס דערציילט א תלמיד פונעם האט ער אז חיים, חפץ הייליגען איבערגעלעבט די קריג מיטען זיך האלטן וואס דער ח’’ח האט אים צו א מאמר געלערנט, אז קיינמאל זאל מען זיך נישט אייבירשטן. פונעם וועגן די אין מישען מען אז אויס קוקט עס ווען אפילו און נאכאלץ עס איז פארשטייט

אומפארשטענדליך.

אלעס מיט א

חשבון...יחזקאל קראנץ

מיר מענטשען זענען פארנומען חשבונ'ען א

גאנצען טאג. פאר יעדע ריר, אפילו די מינדעסטע,

טראכט מען, און מען רעכנט, צו עס לוינט זיך צו נישט.

אידישע קינדער בכל מקום שהם ווען מען איז ליידער איינגעשפארט אונטער די תפיסה גראטעס אדער אין שפיטאל ל''ע די גרעסטע דאגה וואס נעמט ארום זיין קאפ איז קיום התורה ווי פרייליך ווערט ער ווען טראץ אלע שוועריגקייטן

האט ער פארט געקענט מקיים זיין א מצווה ווי עס באדארף צו זיין.

חיזוק

יחזקאל קראנץ

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עומדים אנו כעת בימי הרחמים והסליחות, בהם אנו מקיימים מאמר חכז”ל הלוואי שיתפלל אדם כל היום, והזמן גרמא לשנן ולחזר דברים פשוטים שדייקא מחמת חכז”ל וכדברי לפעמים, משתכחים הם פשיטותם ארבעה דברים צריכין חיזוק וא’ מהם היא תפלה. ובפרט כאשר הולך ומתקרב יום הרת עולם, בו יעמדו במשפט ביום ליפקד המצפים אנו ובכללם עולמים, יצורי כל ורחל אמנו רבקה אמנו שרה נפקדו בו הזה, המסוגל ולכן השנה בראש נפקדה הנביאה חנה וגם אמנו, מפטירים ביום זה הפטרת חנה, לכן לקטנו כמה דברים

השייכים לתפלה בכלל, ולאלו המצפים לישועה בפרט.

חיוב התפלה

בחינוך מצוה תל”ג מבואר דיני מצות תפלה, ובסיום בלא ולילה יום ועמד זה על והעובר וז”ל כתב דבריו תפלה כלל ביטל עשה זו לדעת הרמב”ם ז”ל, ומי שצר לדעת )גם( זו עשה ביטל להושיעו ה אל קרא ולא לו גדול מאד שהוא כמסיר השגחת ועונשו הרמב”ן ז”ל, השם מעליו ע”כ. הרי שלכל הדיעות מי שיש לו איזה ביטל אליו להתפלל השם אל פונה ואינו ובקשה צרה

מצות עשה דאורייתא של תפלה.

דברי ידועים הלא בבנים להיפקד בתפלה ובפרט המדרש, מפני מה היו אמותינו עקרות מפני שהקב”ה מתאוה לתפלתן. ומעשה אבות סימן לבנים, ולפעמים זהו הסיבה שעדיין לא נושע שהקב”ה מתאוה לשמוע בקולו, ואומר לו הראוני את מראיך השמיעיני את קולך

כי קולך ערב ומראיך נאוה.

שע”י )הקדמון( יוסף יד בספר שכתב מה וראה בתפלה!! אם כי לבנים לזכות א”א טובים מעשים רחל ותקנא ברחל, שנאמר ממה ע”ז קשה ולכאורה באחותה, וכ’ רש”י קנאה במעשיה הטובים, הרי להדיא נראה יותר בהעמיק אך ללאה, גרמו טובים שמעשים לי הבה ליעקב פנתה רחל שהרי ראיה, משם אדרבה בנים כלו’ התפלל עלי, וזה תמוה שהרי קנאתה במעשיה הי”ל יעקב, תפלת ביקשה מה א”כ שלה, הטובים להתעסק במעש”ט, אלא נראה מכאן שמי שכבר נצרך ויותר מזה והבן. לישועה א”א להיפקד רק ע”י תפלה מבואר בספר קרבן ראשית1, שא”א לזכות לבנים ע”י

תפלת אחרים רק הוא בעצמו יכול להתפלל2.

1 מובא בבנין דוד פ’ וירא2 ובזה יובן מה שאמר יעקב לרחל כשבקשה ממנו להתפלל על בנים

אמר לה ממך מנע ולא ממני וזה תמוה מאד ולפי”ז יובן שאמר לה שכבר יש לו בנים ולכן א”א לו להתפלל כ”כ.

תועלת התפלה

הרבה פעמים מוצאים אנו בלב הרגשת רפיון ויאוש מבלי מצוא ולהרבות בתפלה, שהרי התפללנו כבר כה הרבה ואון להתחזק כח בקשות מלב נשבר ועדיין לא נושענו, אבל צריך מאד מאד לידע שזהו מדרכי היצר, שהרי מבואר בפרשת ואתחנן שמרע”ה התפלל תקט”ו תפלות, ואם הי’ מתפלל עוד תפלה א’ היה נענה, אבל הקב”ה אסר לו להתפלל עוד, בין והתבונן, אולי גם אתה עומד כעת במצב דומה עליך הקב”ה אסר לא והרי לנצחים, תוושע אחת תפלה שבעוד להתפלל, ורק מצד יצר של רפיון נבצר ממך להתפלל, ע”כ תתחזק

ותתאמץ בתפלה ובעזרת ה’ תוושע.

עוד דבר המטיל רפיון וחולשה בלב המתפללים, הוא מה שידוע להם ממצבם שזה חוץ לדרך הטבע שיוושעו בבנים, וחושבים שמה יש בכוחם לשנות טבע העולם, הלא אין אנו בדרגת הרבי ר’ אלימלך או הרה”ק מצאנז זי”ע, שהי’ ביכולתם לשדד מערכות הטבע, הבה

נברר בעז”ה מעלת בתפלה בענינים שהם חוץ לדרך הטבע.

כתב בספורני בפ’ וירא, ותצחק שרה, שחשבה שהיה דבר המלאך ית’, הא-ל ושליחות נבואה לא אלישע, כענין בלבד נביא ברכת כי אמנם להשיב נביא, זה בזקנים בברכת שום יושג שלא וחשבה זולתי תהיה שלא המתים, כתחיית הוא הרי הזקנה אחר הבחרות

במצות הא-ל פרטית או בתפלה משגת חן מאתו.

דברים נוראים! כל מה שנצרך לשנות את הטבע לזכות לבחינת תחיית המתים הוא דבר אחד, תפלה משגת חן מאתו, וזה גדול יותר

מברכה מנביא כגון אלישע או מן המלאך!!

וראה מה שכתב בליקוטי מוהר”ן ט’ ה’, תפלה הוא בחינת נס שהוא אין דרך הטבע כי לפעמים הטבע מחייב איזה דבר והתפלה

מהפכת את הטבע ע”כ.

פוקד בספר ז”ל, צדוק ר’ הגדול הכהן בזה הרחיב יותר ועוד לפרות הוא האדם בריאת כל הרי וז”ל שביאר בתחלתו, עקרים ולרבות כמו שנאמר לא תהו בראה לשבת יצרה, ודבר זה שלא יוליד הוא יציאה מסדר הבריאה ודבר שאינו ראוי כלל כפי חוקי הבריאה שיסד השי”ת, וע”כ הישועה לזה אינו ככל נסים היוצאים מהטבע, דזה אדרבה בא לקיים הטבע, שהרי כך הוא חוק טבע הבריאה להיות מוליד, וזה היה טענת חנה אם מצבא העליונים אני אחיה לעולם, ואם נס אינו כל אחד ראוי לזה, מצבא התחתונים אהא מוליד. דלבקש ואפי’ הראוי מנכין לו זכיותיו, ואין ראוי לבקש לזה, וגם אין עושין נס אלא כשיש בו צורך גדול, ונקרא לאטרחא למאריה כידוע, אבל זהו נס ויציאה מהטבע, והיא צווחה אדרבה אני רוצה שתקיים גם בי טבע הבריאה, וזה כל אדם רשאי לבקש וראוי לכך דלא ישוב ריקם וכו’, ומיד שהשם ית’ פונה אליו להשגיח עליו, מיד הישועה בא לו מעצמה בבריאה אילונית שהיתה אמנו כשרה ואפי’ זו, והשגחה בפקידה

וטומטמים היו, מכל מקום מה שחזרו להיות ככל אדם אינו אלא חזרה לטבע הבריאה וכו’, עיי”ש שכתב דהזמן לזה הוא ביום ראש השנה

יום הרת עולם.

דרך תפלה

דברים נפלאים כתב בפוקד עקרים לר’ צדוק הכהן ז”ל, בביאור וז”ל בבנים. להוושע להתפלל האיך ישראל איש לכל ואופן דרך יעקב להשיגו, זרע לכל ונקל רחל אמנו כבר ע”י הישועה שנפתח שכולם נקראו על שם זרע רחל עקרת הבית, והיינו כשמבקש סתם לבנים מצד עצמו שרוצה לפרות ולרבות, וכמו שאמרה רחל ואם אין מתה אנכי, דמי שאין לו בנים חשוב כמת, ודבר זה הוא החשק של איש הישראלי... דדבר זה הוא חשק וצער של זרע ישראל, כי העמים אין מצטערים כלל בכליון זרעם, שחוששים רק להנאת עצמם לבד, משא”כ בנ”י הם משתוקקים לרוב בנים, ועל כן כאשר צעקת איש תחתיו, לאומים לתת המשפט אז זה, מצד הוא לבנים הישראלי )כלומר להביא לו כח הולדה מן השייך לגוים(, שהם אין חפצים בזה

כלל רק בשעשועי והנאת עצמם, עכתו”ד.

וכעי”ז מבואר באלשיך הק’ בפסוקי הפטרת חנה, שאלקנה אמר לה אנכי טוב לך מעשרה בנים, היינו שאשה אינה מצווה בפו”ר, ואם אתה רוצה בנים שיטפלו בך לעת זקנותך, הלא אנכי טוב לך מעשרה בנים, ע”ז אמרה חנה לה’ אם ראה תראה בעני אמתך וכו’ ונתתיו משום לבנים צריכה שאינה שהראתה עולם, עד שם וישב לה’ שיטפלו בה, או משום הנאה גשמית אחרת, שהרי מוכנת לתתו לה’ תבל פני ולמלאות ולרבות, לפרות ישראל כאיש רוצה רק לעולם

עובדי ה’, ובזה זכתה לבנים.

שכר התפלה

התפלה היא מצוה ממצוות התורה ויש שכר להמתפלל ככל שאר המצוות, ובספר בית אלוקים להמבי”ט כתב בפרק ט”ו התפלה היא מצוה מן התורה כמו שכתוב ולעבדו בכל לבבכם אי זו היא עבודה שהיא בלב זו תפלה וכשאדם מתפלל בכוונה מוא מקיים מצוה מן התורה כי סדר שבחו ית’ ושאלת צרכיו בהכרתו שי אין מי שיוכל ענין על תפלתו כי וגם לו הודאה ונתינת ית’ הוא אם כי להפיקם שאלתו לא תהיה מקובלת לסבה שכבר נגזרה גזרה עליו או לסבה וגם לו לצדקה בעוה”ב זה תפלתו תחשב כל ית’ עם לפניו ידועה בעוה”ז יאכל פירות התפלה דמיון מה ששאל מהקל ית’ כמו שמצינו במרע”ה כי גם שלא נתקבלה תפלתו ליכנס לארץ השיג דמיון הכניסה סוף עד לישראל וכל מה שיארע כל הארץ ית’ את שהראהו הקל היום עד חז”ל ודרשו האחרון הים עד הכתוב שאמר כמו העולם

.האחרון וזה היה בסבת תפלתו שהתפלל בכוונה גדולה

י. ב. מייזליש

הרבה פעמים מוצאים אנו בלב הרגשת רפיון ויאוש מבלי מצוא כח ואון להתחזק ולהרבות בתפלה, שהרי התפללנו כבר כה הרבה בקשות מלב נשבר ועדיין לא נושענו, אבל צריך מאד מאד לידע שזהו מדרכי היצר,

ואני תפלה

חיזוק

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אז היה זמן מנחה, וישב על הכסא להתכונן לתפילה כחסידים הראשונים לחשוב ברוממות קל, ולהתדבק ביוצרו.

אמנם כל זה בבא לדבר לפני המלך בתפילה קבועה, לא כן במי שיש לו צרה, שאינו צריך הכנה ומיד יכול להתפלל לפני המלך, ולהביע צערו לפניו, ולבקש על נפשו מאת המלך. כי אין חשש שלא יתכוין לבו כראוי, דהלא

עומד ומבקש להסיר ממנו צערו ויגונו.כיון ולכן קצרה, תפילה שמתפלל הצער על שמתפלל מי דרך אמנם שהרבתה חנה להתפלל, חשב עלי שמתפללת תפלה חיובת תפילת מנחה, ואם כן צריכה להכין עצמה לפני התפילה, וחשבה לשיכורה, דהיינו שאינה

מתפללת כראוי, בלי הכנה ובלי כוונה הראויה.וכעס וחנה השיבה שלא כן הדברים רק שהיא בצרה גדולה ומרוב שיח הרבתה להתפלל לפני ה' תתן לאמתך זרע אנשים, ואינה צריכה הכנה לכך.)שו"ת דברי מלכיאל ח"ו סי' ס"ו(

לערבב השטן – גם השטן מתבלבל ע"י טירדות ודאגותאיתא בגמ' למה תוקעין בר"ה וכו' כדי לערבב השטן.

חסידים מספרים על החסיד הנודע רבי אלעזר ביאליסטאקער ז"ל תלמידו החביב של השרף מקאצק, שנתן טעם הגון לעירבוב השטן. כי הנה השטן מגיע לפני אבינו שבשמים ביום הדין ומקטרג על בני ישראל וטענתו בפיו, שבני ישראל אינם עוסקים בתורה ומצות כראוי, ומבלים הזמן בחיי שעה, מנגד שמים. בחפצי יותר להשקיע להם והיה הכלכלה, ועל המחיה על לומדים הם יכולתם, כמיטב עושים רחומיך בניך ואומר, הסניגור עומד בדברים יותר משקיעים שאינם ומה מצות, ומקיימים ומתפללים, שבקדושה, הוא משום טירדות ודאגות העולם הזה וצרות ישראל. עומד לו המקטרג ומענה בפיו, טירדות? דאגות? כיצד ניתן להטריד בדברים של מה בכך שבין לילה אבד, בשעה שעסוקים בתכלית האמיתי בעסק של נצח בחפצי מעסקו האדם את להניע יכול הזה העולם דאגות וכי נצחים,

שמים?!וחזק, הולך השופר קול בשמים נשמע וקיטרוגו השטן דברי ובאמצע ומלאכים יחפזון, וחיל ורעדה יאחזון הנה יום הדין, והשטן מפסיק באמצע

דיברו ומתבלל ורץ להחביא שאולי הוא שופרו של משיח. באותו שעה לוקח הסניגור רשות הדיבור, ואומר להבורא יתברך היושב על ומכל מקום כלל, ודם ואינו בשר כסא רחמים, הנה השטן שהינו מלאך ברגע של בילבול של ספק אולי בא קיצו, ניטלת ממנו כוח הדיבור ומיד הפסיק מעבודתו ותפקידו להשטין על בני ישראל, הרי לפניך שאף מלאך קשה לו לעמוד בפני הבילבולים והטירדות, כל שכן בני ישראל שמוקפים לעמוד יכולים שאינם ודאי ומזוני, חיי בני של ודאגות טירדות בחבולי

בפניהם.לאלתר ונכתבין נצחוני בני נצחוני ואומרת קול בת יוצאת שעה באותו

לחיים ולשנה טובה ומתוקה.)לקוטי אב עמ' רפ"א(

תפילה לבנים בר"ה דוקא ע"י שמחהיעשה וכן רחמה: עד י סגר ה' ב עבור הרעמה כ עס ב ה צרתה גם כ וכעסתה ולא תאכל: ויאמר לה בכ כעסנה ות ן ת בית ה' כ י עלתה ב נה מד נה בש שי ולמה לא תאכלי ולמה ירע לבבך הלוא אנכי ה חנה למה תבכ אלקנה איש

נים: )שמואל א' א' הפטורת יום א' של ר"ה(. טוב לך מעשרה בבדרשות חת"ס וז"ל כי היות חנה צריכה להתפלל לפתוח רחמה, ותפלה זו מסוגלת דוקא בראש השנה, זמן פקידת העקרות ממקום מזל העליון דשם תליא בני חיי ומזוני, על כן הקדים אלקנה בעלה לעלות בראש השנה קודם

הגיע זמן הסוכות, כדי שתתפלל חנה שם על פתיחת רחמה.והיות כי לזה צריך עוז וחדוה, ולא כעס ושברון לב, לעומת זה התעצמה פנינה להכעיסה ביותר, מלבד מה שהיה ריגלות להתכעס כדרך כל הצרות וזה שאמר ה'. בית עליתה לבטל היתה מכעיסה עתה יותר עוד לזו, זו 'וכעסתה צרתה' כדרך כל הצרות וכדרכה כל השנה 'גם כעס' נוסף 'בעבור הרעימה כי סגר ה' בעד רחמה' פירוש בעבור הרגישה כי חנה מתרעמת כל סגירת הרחם ורוצים להתפלל על זה, הוסיפה היא להכעיסה כדי לבטל זה, דלא טעמא והיינו תכעיסנה. כן ה' בית עלות מידי 'והיה שמסיים וזה

התפללה חנה בכל אותן השנים. עד שלבסוף הרגיש אלקנה זאת הסבה, על כן התאמץ הוא לדבר על לבה

ולפייסה עד שנתיישבה בדעתה ואז 'ותקם ותתפלל' ואתי שפיר עכ"ל. )דרשות חת"ס תק"ע(

כיון שהתפלל כבר עשה ההשתדלות ויותר אין לדאוגופניה לא היו לה עוד )שם(

מה שנאמר בחנה ופניה לא היו לה עוד, לכאורה צריך להבין מה טעם, אם מחמת שבטוחה היתה שתקובל תפלתה, הלא זה הוא בכלל עיון תפלה.

ונראה לפרש דהנה כל מי שיש לו שום חפץ לבקש מאת ה' הוא מחויב לעשות כל מה שאפשר לו, ואם אחר כך אינו עולה לו, מה לו בכך, מסתמא

הוא לטובה באתו יתברך שיומנע ממנו דבר זה.וכן עשתה חנה עד עכשיו היתה משתדלת ומתאוות שיהיה לה בן, וכיון שעשתה כל מה שבידה ונכנסה ביום ראש השנה לבית המקדש להתפלל לפני ה' הקב"ה אז רפתה רוחה ונתקררה דעתה, הן שימלא ה' בקשתה או

לא, כי גם בלעדה יש עוד עקרות בעולם, לכן אמר 'ופניה לא היו לה עוד'.)דרשות חת"ס תקפ"א(

שופר גדול לעתיד לבוא – נעשה מצעקות בני ישראל להשי"ת בכל הדורות

חים ד והנ ור ארץ אש ובאו האבדים ב שופר גדול קע ב יום ההוא ית והיה בלים )ישעי' כ"ז י"ג( ירוש הר הקדש ב חוו ליי' ב ת ארץ מצרים והש ב

משמע בשופר, במה לטובה, לפני זכרוניכם שיעלה א'( )ט"ז ר"ה בגמ' דרצונו לומר על מי שאין להם מעשים שיהיו ראוים לכך כלל, רק שעל ידי תקיעת שופר נאמר שיבואי האובדים והנדחים, והם אותם שכבר נטמעו

בין העמים, כי לא ידח ממנו נדח.הנפשות כל של הצעקות קול רק שהוא גדול שופר אותו ידי על והוא מישראל בכל הדורות להשי"ת, שעל ידי קיבוצם נעשה קול שופר גדול, שיבואו עד ישראל מבני הנדחים בלב גם צעקה מתעורר זה ידי ועל

להשחוות לה' בהר הקודש.

)'רסיסי לילה להגה"ק ר' צדוק הכהן מלובלין זצ"ל אות נ(

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בכל צרתם לא צר

בכתוב בכל צרתם לו צר )ישעיה ס"ג ט'(, הכתיב לא והקרי לו, כי באמת כל דעביד רחמנא לטב עביד ולכן ו"לא צר" שהקב"ה אין לו צער, כי יודע שבאמת טוב הוא, ומאתו לא תצא הרעה, אך מפני צערן של ישראל שלמראה עיניהם נדמה להם לצרה ח"ו, ובטרם שרואים הטובה הם בצער לכן "לו צר", שיש צער לפניו

יתברך מפני צערן של ישראל.)דברי ישראל וישב ד"ה ויבך אותו אביו.(

צידוק הדין - מצות עשה

בסמ"ק מצוה ה' וז"ל לצדק הדין על כל המאורע דכתיב )דברים ח'( וידעת עם אם פירוש הדין לצדק : רך מיס אלהיך ה' נו ב את איש ר ייס ר אש כ י כ לבבך הריעוך הרבה יהא בעיניך כמעט, ואמור מעט מחובי נגביתי, ויהיה שמח ביסורין וישתוק בהו, ישמח שעברו אחר מקום מכל יכול אינו ואם עליו, כשבאין מלהתפאר עליהם, כדאמרינן )ברכות ו'( אגרא דיסורין שתיקותא )פירוש אם ירצה לקבל שכר ישתוק(, ומצוה זו נוטה מאוד אל אהבה כאשר דרשו רבותינו )ברכות

דורות מצינו גם לו, מודה יהא לך מודד שהוא מדה בכל מאודך, ובכל נ"ד(

הראשונים שהיו מחבבין יסורין, וגם דרש רבי עקיבא חביבין יסורין )סנהדרין ק"א( עכ"ל.

הנחמה ע"י קיום התורה והמצות

נחמו נחמו עמי יאמר אלקיכם, פירוש, שיש די באלקותו יתברך לנחם בזה על אנכי, הדיברות עשרת פרשת תיקנו ולכן תמיד. עלינו שעוברין הצרות כל ופרשת שמע בשבת נחמו, כי זה נחמתינו כמו שכתוב אנכי אנכי הוא מנחמכם.)שפת אמת ואתחנן תרנ"ו(

אהבת ה' בכל הלב

הגה"ק ר' צדוק הכהן מלובלין זצ"ל, פעם שמעוהו אומר "הנה הכרתי חסיד א' שלא היו לו ילדים, ועם כל זה היה בשמחה רבה כי היה מחשב בדעתו שכיון שאין לו ילדים שתופסין מקום בלבו שוב יכול גם מקום זה להיות מלא באהבת

השי"ת, והיו החסידים אומרים כי אותו חסיד שהכיר כוונתו לעצמו. )לקוטי אב ר"ה עמ' קא(

"איך דארף נישט דיין ויצמח, אם אין אני לי מי לי"

סיפרתי לו מה ששמעתי מחסידים ואנשי מעשה, שבין חסידי קוצק הי' אחד

לקוטיענינים

ושמו אלעזר ביאליסטוקר, עני הי' בלי בגד ללבוש, בלי פרוטה לפורטה, וגם תמיד צהלו זה ואביון עני של פניו אבל ההוא, האיש הי' בנים חשוך

בשמחה.פעם אחת בא לקוצק, וראה שחסידים רבים עומדים ליד פתחו של הרבי, עומדים צפופים ומחכים שהרבי יצא אליהם וישמע בקשותיהם. והרבי, השרף האלקי הי' סגור ומסוגר, נשמתו שטה בעולמות העליונים ולא שעה להבלי הזמן. הוא הי' אומר: מרובים צרכי עמך, יען שדעתם קצרה... אילו

היתה דעתם רחבה לא היו צרכיהם מרובים...מה עשה אלעזר ביאליסטוקר? יצא במחול, שר ומזמר: לה' ארץ ומלואה, ויושבי בה, ה' מלך, ה' מלך, ה' ימלוך לעולם ועד! הרים את רגליו, תבל ראש, כפופי הקהל שכל עד וגובר, הולך קולו למעלה, נשואות כשידיו ופניהם פני עצם, ענו לקראתו ויצאו גם הם במחול, רקדו ושמחו בציבור, שירה וזמרה הלל ושמחה, ומלאו את כל הרחוב. העצבות פגה ואותה ירשה

השמחה הטהורה.וככה רקדו וצהלו עלזו ושמחו שעה ארוכה.

הארי שבחבורה, הרבי הזקן שהי' שרף כשרפי מעלה, שמע בחדרו את קול התרועה, יצא לראות ולשמוע, מאין באה שמחה זו, מסטרא דימינא או

מסטרא דשמאלא?מה ראה? ראה את אלעזר ביאליסטוקר חסידו הנאמן, מרקד ומזמר, מפזז ומכרכר כדוד בשעתו, ושמחתו טהורה, שומע שממליך את הקב"ה למלך פניו וצהלו קלה לשעה עמד אמן. אחריו עונה העם וכל הארץ, כל על הקדושים, פנה לאלעזר ביאליסטוקר ואמר לו, אלעזר, עת רצון הוא עתה, הצת אש קודש, ושמחה טהורה בלב יהודים, בא ואברכך ב"קדיש" לעת

זקנתך. כי לאלעזר ביאליסטוקר לא היו בנים.שמע אלעזר את דברי רבו, ענה ואמר: רבי, הריני מוחל לכם את ה"ויצמח", איני רוצה שבני יזכנו לחיי עולם הבא בקדישיו אשר יאמר אחרי, אם אין אני לי, מי לי? ויצא שוב במחול, בהלל וזמרה ולא פסק בעבודתו עבודת

השמחה שעה ארוכה...ישראל, את לברך הוא ומוכן לפניהם עומד שהרבי החסידים וכשראו סבבוהו בבקשותיהם, כל אחד ואחד וחבילתו בידיו, צרות ומצוקות, זה שכנו. גבול בהסגת וזה בשידוכים, זה פרנסה, קיפוח בענין וזה בחליו, גרשם הרבי מלפניו וצעק: חמורים, שוורים, מה אתם רוצים ממני? תנו עיניכם באלעזר ביאליסטוקר, שאין לו בעולמו כלום, לא זרע ולא הון. אין לו בגד ללבוש ולא נעלים על רגליו, וראו נא איך הוא שמח בחלקו ולא חסר

לו כלום.)אבני שמואל1 עמ' רע"ג(

להתפלל על בנים אף כשהוא נגד הטבע – כי טבע ישראל להולידישועה בדבר להפקד במרומים דר לפני להתפלל כשעומדים לפעמים ורחמים בזרע של קיימא, מתייצב היצר וסותם את הפה ואת הלב, באומרו

שזה נגד הטבע, וכבר החריץ הרופא את משפטו, ולא עביד קודשא בריך הוא ניסא. בוא וראה מה שכתב הכהן הגדול מלובלין זצ"ל )שלא זכה להניח

זש"ק( בספרו פוקד עקרים אות א':

וכל מי שהוא מושגח אי אפשר שיהי' עקר כלל, שהרי כל בריאת האדם הוא לפרות ולרבות, כמו שנאמר לא תוהו בראה לשבת יצרה )ישעיהו מה, יח(. ודבר זה שלא יוליד הוא יציאה מסדר הבריאה, ודבר שאינו ראוי כלל

כפי חוקי הבריאה שיסד הש"י. ועל כן הישועה לזה אינו ככל נסים היוצאים מהטבע, דזה אדרבא בא לקיים הטבע, דהרי כך הוא חוק טבע הבריאה

להיות האדם מוליד.וזה היתה טענת חנה, אם מצבא העליונים אני – אחיה לעולם, ואם מצבא התחתונים – אהא מוליד )רש"י שמואל א' א י"א יש אומרים בשם אגדת רבי יוסי הגלילי, וכן הו בשוח"ט שם ב' ד', ובפסיקתא מ"ד ג'(. דלבקש נס אין כל אחד ראוי

לזה, ואפילו הראוי מנכין מזכויותיו )כמ"ש שבת לב, א(, ואין ראוי לבקש לזה, וגם אין עושין נס אלא כשיש בו צורך גדול, ונקרא לאטרחא למאריה כידוע )ועיין תענית כד, ב(. אבל זהו נס ויציאה מהטבע, והיא צווחה אדרבא אני רוצה

שתקיים גם בי טבע הבריאה.וזה כל אדם רשאי לבקש, וראוי לכך דלא ישוב ריקם, ומיד שהשי"ת פונה אליו להשגיח עליו – מיד הישועה באה לו מעצמה, בפקידה והשגחה זו. ואפילו כשרה אמינו שהיתה אילונית בבריאה, וטומטמים היו כמו שאמרו בהבא על יבימתו )יבמות סד, א(, מכל מקום מה שחזרו להיות ככל אדם אינו

אלא חזרה לטבע הבריאה.

חנה הטיחה דברים כלפי מעלה שנאמר ותתפלל על ה'בגמ' ברכות )ל"א ע"ב(: ואמר ר"א. חנה הטיחה דברים כלפי מעלה שנאמר

ותתפלל על ה' וכו'. כל המפרשים נדחקו מה הכוונה בזה, עיין עליהם.אלא תליא בזכותה לאו בני כי בזה, רצונה ה', על באמרה כי נראה ולי במזלא )מו"ק כ"ח ע"ב(, ואמנם אין הפירוש שאין ח"ו יכולת ביד ה' לשדד המזל, רק הפירוש כי לזה צריך זכות גדול, כמו אברהם אבינו שאמר לו הקב"ה צא מאיצטגנינות שלך )שבת קנ"ו ע"א(, וכיוצא בזה ע"י זכות גדול. יכולת מבלי ח"ו יאמרו בתפלתי, תענני לא ח"ו שאם אמרה חנה והנה וכאילו מסרת דבר זה לחלוטין ביד המזל וכאילו ח"ו דבר זה הוא למעלה

מיכולתך, וזה שהטיחה דברים כלפי מעלה.)צל"ח ברכות ל"א:(

תפילה על צרה אינו צריך הכנה כל כךבתפילת חנה כ' ועלי יושב על הכסא על מזוזת היכל ה' והיא מרת נפש ותתפלל על ה'. ויש לדייק מה ההדגשה שעלי יושב על הכסא, ומה בא

ללמדינו.מבואר בגמ' ברכות ל: שחסידים הראשונים היו שוהים שעה אחת לפני תפלתם כדי להתפלל בכובד ראש. ומשום הכא היה עלי יושב על הכסא, כי

1 וראה שם שהרב מאיר שווארצמאן מקאנאדא, סיפר את העובדא הנ"ל להגאון ר' שמואל אהרן הלוי פרדס זצ"ל עורך הקובץ הפרדס, בעת שהגאון שלא הניח אחריו זש"ק, הביע צערו בפניו וגלילגל לפניו את ימי חייו הסואנים, ומתמרמר למי עני עמל.. הנני כעץ יבש... ]אף שרגיל היה לומר שלולי תורתך שעשועי, שחליפת מכתבים בדברי תורה עם גדולי ישראל החזיק את חייו, מ"מ

באותו זמן ישב במלון, ולבו נשבר בקרבו[, אז סיפור לו הרב שווארצמאן הסיפור על החסיד ר' אלעזר ביאליסטאקער הנכתב לעיל, לכל פרטיה.כששמע הרב פרדס את הסיפור, צהלו פניו, קם בזריזות, והוציא בקבוק קטן יי"ש, מזג שתי כוסות, ושתה לחיים! מזג פעמים ושלוש, כשעיניו מתנוצצות ופניו צוהלים ואמר, ראה נא מאיר חביבי

כמה גדול כחו של סיפור מחיי החסידים ואנשי מעשה, משכח את הצרות, מגרש את העצבות ומשמח את נפשו ואת איבריו של אדם, ואלו לא היינו עתה במלון הייתי יוצא במחול!

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בהתנהגות ישר כיהודי בקיום התורה והמצוות כדבעי, מעצם חרדת ופחד המיתה. ואלמלי היה באפשרות לרשעים למות תיכף אחר התשובה, היו בוחרים לעשות תשובה ולמות מיד, אבל לחיות וללחום עם היצר בתמידית זה קשה מאוד, ובזה שיבח בלעם את ישראל שהם במעלה יתירה, שיודעים גם לקיים "וחי בהם", לחיות כיהודי כשר בקיום התורה והמצוות במשך

ימים ושנים ארוכים.

וכעין זה, בתוספת ביאור, כתב הגאון רבי יאשע בער מבריסק זללה"ה בספרו בית הלוי )סוף פר' וירא(, וזה לשונו הנחמד:

על ולא אברהם על העקידה נסיון עיקר נזכר בפסוק הנה לזרעו יצחק ועקידת אומרים אנחנו )לר"ה( ובתפלה יצחק, ברחמים תזכור. והענין דהנסיון של אברהם היה שישחוט בנו יחידו שנולד לו למאה שנה, וביצחק היה הנסיון להיות נשחט. הבנים ואהבת הפרנסה דוחק אשר בחוש רואים אנחנו והנה אלו גם בודאי ומ"מ מכשולים. לכמה האדם את מביאים האנשים העוברים על חוקי התורה למען אהבת הבנים וכדומה, שהיה מניח עצמו להיות נהרג על קידוש ה', ומוכרח דיותר בניקל הנסיון להיות נהרג ולהאבד מכל וכל, מלהיות נשאר בעולם בכל נסיון של וע"כ לו פרט אחד מהאהוב אצלו. יחסר ורק חושיו היותר וזה הפרט היה אצלו אברהם אבינו שהיה בפרט אחד, נזכר כן ועל יצחק, של מנסיונו יותר גדול אצלו, ואהוב גדול

הנסיון העיקר על אברהם, עכ"ל.

הרי מפורש יוצא מדבריו יסוד גדול ואמיץ, דאף שידענו שמסירות נפש של יהודי חשוב מאוד ואין לך מדה גדולה למעלה הימנה, אמנם בכל זה כן ומחמת יותר מזה, וחשובה גדולה נפש היא עבודה לחיות במסירות מתייחס נסיון העקידה לאברהם ולא ליצחק, כי אברהם היה נשאר חי אחר העקידה בלי יצחק בנו יחידו אשר אהב כנפשו, והיה חי על קדושת ה', וזה חשוב מאוד יותר מעצם נסיון העקידה של יצחק להיות נהרג על קדושת

ה'.

ודבר זה לאו מכללא איתמר אלא בפירוש איתמר, בגמ' כתובות )דף לג:( נגדוה לחנניה מישאל ועזריה, פלחו לצלמא )שאם היו אמר רב אילמלי מייסרים את חנני' מישאל ועזרי' ביסורים, לא יכלו לסבול והיו משתחוים לצלם של נבוכדנצר(. והיינו שהכאות תמידית ויסורים קשה אף ממיתה,

ולכן יכלו לסבול גזירת מיתה אבל לא היסורים.

*

אם אומר, אליעזר רבי תניא סא:( )ברכות הגמ' דברי בזה לפרש ויש נאמר בכל נפשך למה נאמר בכל מאודך, ואם נאמר בכל מאודך למה נאמר בכל נפשך, אלא אם יש לך אדם שגופו חביב עליו מממונו, לכך נאמר בכל נפשך, ואם יש לך אדם שממונו חביב עליו מגופו, לכך נאמר בכל מאדך, ע"כ. ולכאורה פשטות דבי הגמ' קשים להולמם, שאם נאמר בכל נפשך הלא כ"ש וק"ו שיקיים גם בכל מאודך, דמי שמוכן למסור את נפשו בעד אהבת ה', הלא כל שכן שבודאי יתן גם את כל הונו ורכושו, וכל אשר לו יתן

בעד נפשו.

אמנם לפי דברינו לפעמים קשה יותר לקיים 'כל מאודו' מ'בכל נפשך', ולדוגמא עשיר גדול העומד לפני נסיון ויש לו הבחירה למות או לעבור על א' מג' עבירות החמורות, בטח יעוז וישמח בגורלו שזכה לקדש שם שמים ולהתגבר על הנסיון, אבל אם יתנו לו הברירה לשנות מעמדו מעושר נכבד, לעני מרוד המקבץ על הפתחים, אז יהיה הנסיון קשה יותר, וכבר לא מובטח לו שיעמוד בנסיון, כי זהו "לחיות על קדושת ה'", דהיינו להשאר בחיים

בנסיון תמידי שאבד כל רכושו וכל מעמדו בגלל מסירות נפשו לה'.

וזהו שנקטו חז"ל במליצת לשונם "ואם יש לך אדם שממונו חביב עליו מגופו", היינו שממונו חביב עליו מלאבוד הונו ורכושו על קדושת ה', יותר

ממה שמוכן לקדש את ה' במסירות נפשו באבידת גופו בפשטות.

וענין נשגב זה הרי הוא כתובה לפנינו בקוצר אמרים בדברי הגה"ק בעל השפת אמת זצללה"ה בפרשת קר"ש )ואתחנן תרנ"ה( וזה לשונו הזהב.

שממונו אדם לך יש חז"ל אמרו מאודך, בכל בפסוק וי"ל כי באמת חביב עליו מגופו, ולכאורה תמוה לומר כן. תכלית האדם בעולם שיתקן מעשיו ויחזיר הפקדון לבעליו.. שיודע ע"י יתברך הבורא באהבת נפשו שמוסר מי ולכן ומבין כי זה תכלית האמת, מוסר נפשו בלב שלם. אבל להיות מוסר ממונו ונשאר עוד בעולם הנסיון, והעניות מעביר ע"ד

קונו, יוכל להיות קשה הנסיון יותר ממסירת נפש.

ומאודו וממונו לאו דוקא כי אם כל אשר לאדם, כבודו או משפחתו, האשה וילדיה וכל אשר לו, הכל נכלל בכלל מאודו, ולפעמים נקיל לאדם לאבד נפשו כדאי שלא יאבד נשמתו, יותר משיאבד הונו או כבודו. ולמות

מצב משא"כ הרבה, לזמן מתארך אינו מ"מ מאוד, שקשה אף ה' בעד המתמשך לזמן רב קשה מאוד מאוד.

זה מתאמרי ביה מדרשא בשם הגה"ק שר שלום מבעלזא ועל דרך זצללה"ה שפעם שאל ממנו בנו הגה"ק מהר"י זצללה"ה, על מה שכתוב שיזכה יוסף הבית למרן מבטיח שהמגיד מישרים, מגיד הקדוש בספר יתברך כקדושים אשר בארץ המה במותו על קידוש השם, לקדש שמו והנה לא נתקיים דבריו ומרן הבית יוסף נתאסף אל עמו כדרך כל הארץ. ועל זה ענה השר שלום שלא כן הדברים ובאמת זכה לקדש שמו יתברך בחייו, ולא פעם אחת גרידא כי אם בכל עת ועונה שקרא את שמע מסר את נפשו לקונו. ומרן הבית יוסף היה חי על קדשות שמו, בכל עידן ולא רק בשעת

המיתה, וזה מדריגה גבוה לחיות תמיד על קדושת שמו יתברך.

*

ומעתה שחזינן שלחיות עם מסירות נפש יתכן שיהיה במדריגה עליונה, שמתייסר במי לומר יש כן כמו השם, קידוש על נפשו מלמסור יותר ביסורים גדולים מאת ה', ואינו בועט בבוראו, ובהכנעה מקבל הכל באהבה, כי מאת ה' היתה זאת, ומאתו לא תצא הרעה, אע"פ שהיסורים מתמשכים לזמן רב, ובכל יום ויום מתענה בצער וצרה, ולפניו נסיון תמידי, האם יקבל באהבה, ויעבוד את בוראו בשמחה ובטוב לבב, ויתבונן בחסד ה', ויאמין קשה עבודה שהוא מראות, עיניו וטח בו טמון הטוב שודאי בבוראו שבמקדש. בדמות מה זה מדריגה יותר מלמסור את נפשו על קדושת שמו,

מפני שעבודה זו הוא עבודה תמידית.

ובזה נבין דברי חכמים וחידותם בגמ' שם )נד.( דדרשינן בכל מאודך, בכל מדה ומדה שהוא מודד לך הוי מודה לו. שלפום ריהטא לא נראה שום על נפשו למסור בין יש קשר ומה הפשוט, לפירוש הדרש בין שייכות

קדושת שמו, בין קבלת גזירת הבורא בשמחה.

אמנם לפי דברינו ניחא, כי העבודה של מסירות נפש להיות מוכן ומזומן לקבלת גזירת הבורא יתברך להיות נידון ביסורים קשים ומרודים, ויעשה

רצון קונו בשמחה, אף שיודע ועד שאם יעשה מצות בוראו יתייסר ויתענה בצער, אם כל זה לא יבעוט ברצון השם. זהו בנין אב למי שגזרה חכמתו יתברך שגורלו מן השמים להיות נידון ביסורים מ"מ יקבלו באהבה, ובכל מדה ומדה יהא מודה לו, אף שהיסורים הם תמידיים ולבו נשבר בקרבו, הוא זוכר שמקיים בזה רצון בוראו שסיבב היסורים האלו בחשבון מדויק

של קל דעות ויקבל הכל באהבה כי כן גזרה חכמתו יתברך.

ועבודה הזאת של "ובכל מדה ומדה שהוא מודה לך תהא מודה לו" אינו דרשה של לשון נופל על לשון גרידא, אלא הוא ענף של מצות מסירות

נפש של "ובכל מאודך".

ואם למדנו שהנסיון של "ובכל מאדך" לפעמים גדלה וחשובה לפני קבלת של בעבודה הדין הוא נפשך", "ובכל של מהנסיון יותר המקום יסורים באהבה, שהוא תולדה של מצות "ובכל מאודך" חשובה ומקובלת לפני הקב"ה מאוד, ובדמות מה אף יותר ממסירות נפש, כי לחיות במסירות נפש תמיד ולבלוג על יסורים נוראים לעבוד עבודתו עבודה תמה בשמחה

ובטוב לבב, כי כך רצונו יתברך, חשובה לפניו כבעל מסירות נפש".

*

וזה רמזה לנו רבותינו ז"ל באומרם "ארבעה חשובין כמת" שהעבודה של ד' כתות של בעלי יסורין אלו, חשובה לפניו כמת, דהיינו כמי שמוכן יותר ממנו, "כי לחיות על קידוש השם למות על קידוש השם, ואולי אף

חשובה לפניו יותר מלמות על קידוש השם".

אחים יקרים! האי לכם האות ויסוד גדול, כי אתם מקיימים בכל רגע נפש, מסירות של עבודה מאוד, המקום לפני שחשובה גדולה2, עבודה עבודה של "ובכל מאודך", עבודה לקיים מצות השם בשמחה, ובכל מדה ומדה שאני מודה לך יהא מודה לו, כי לא מחשבותי מחשבותיכם, ובהדי כבשי דרחמנא, וכדאי לכם לידע ולזכור שהעבודה לעבוד את ה' דוקא עם הצער ויסורים, חשובה לפני הבורא )בדמות מה( יותר מהעבודה של "בכל

.נפשך", ונאמן בעל הגמול לשלם שכר טוב, ולפום צערא אגרא

ר ריסים אש י כה אמר יי' לס ריס הן אני עץ יבש: כ 2 דבר זה שמי שאין לו בנים העבודה שלו חשובה לפני המקום מאוד, הוא מקרא מלא בישעיה )נ"ו, הפטורה לתענית ציבור( ואל יאמר הס

רת: חזינן מזה שהנביא ער להקושי שיש ר לא יכ ן לו אש ם עולם את נות ש נים ומב ם טוב מב ביתי ובחומתי יד וש י להם ב בריתי: ונתת י ומחזיקים ב ר חפצת אש תותי ובחרו ב ב מרו את ש ישבעבודת השם למי שלא זכה להעמיד דורות, עד שהצריך ליחד הדיבור עליהם ולנחמם, שלא יתרשלו חלילה בעבודתו יתברך, באמרם על ליבם לשוא אני עובד, ומה תיתן לי ואנכי הולך

ערירי, אדרבא ברכת השם עליהם גדולה במאוד מאוד אף יותר מהשכר הנצחי, והקורות רוח הגשמי והרוחני של וברך פרי בטנך. והדבר מפליא להמתבונן.

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וע"ז ה.( אריב"ל כל )נדרים סד: נוקב מצינו פעמיים בחז"ל מאמר אדם שאין לו בנים חשוב כמת, שנאמר )בראשית ל א( הבה לי בנים ואם אין מתה אנכי. ותניא ארבעה חשובין כמת, עני, ומצורע, וסומא, ומי יט( כי מתו כל האנשים. מצורע, לו בנים. עני, דכתיב )שמות ד שאין דכתיב )במדבר יב יב( אל נא תהי כמת. סומא, דכתיב )איכה ג ו( במחשכים

הושיבני כמתי עולם. ומי שאין לו בנים.

לפי הפשטות, דברי הגמרא אלו מתאר גודל הצער שעובר על מי שנגזר עליו להכלל בתוך אחד מארבעה אופנים של יסורים הנקובים שם, שהוא כל כך גדול כמו גזירת המיתה. אמנם אפשר שבתוך דברי הצער רמזו לנו רבותינו ז"ל, דרך להתחזק למי שסיבב הבורא יתברך

בגורלו להיות נמנה בין אחד מארבעה כיתות אלו.

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בתורה הקדושה )פרשת בלק( אצל הברכות שבירך בלעם הרשע את ישראל, הדבר אשר השים ה' בפיו, ובתוך הדברים אמר על עצמו )במדבר כג י( תמות נפשי מות ישרים. ובאוה"ח הק', כי בודאי לא ביקש

זהו מן הנמנע שיגיע כי בלעם שימות כמיתת הצדיקים שבישראל, אותו רשע להשגה זו, אלא ביקש שישיב בתשובה ברגע האחרון קודם מיתתו כדי שימית מזוכך מכל חטא ועון. וכתב בזה"ל: "ראיתי רשעים שאמרו לי בפירוש, כי אם היו יודעים שיחזרו בתשובה ותיכף ימותו, היו עושים, אלא שיודעים שאינם יכולים לעמוד בתשובה זמן ארוך, כי

דבר מלך עליהם מלך זקן וכסיל רח"ל", עכלה"ק.

יומי יום חיי לחיות קשה שיותר הק', האוה"ח מדברי מבואר

ארבעה הם קטני ארץ והמה חכמים מחוכמים)משלי ל כד(

ארבעה חשובין כמת1

"בעסער לעבן אויף קידוש השם,ווי שטארבן אויף קידוש ה'"

קטע מתוך הדרשה שאמרתי לפני חברים מקשיבים במסיבת שבת אחים אצל "שבת התאספות" של ארגון "עי טיים", ליל שב"ק פר' בלק שנת תשע"ד לפ"ק, במלון הילטון בעיר

סטעמפארד במדינת קאנעטיקוט.

תשו"ח לידיד נפשי הרה"ג סוע"ה רבי יונתן בנימין יוסף ווייס שליט"א מרבני כולל נייטרא וומ"ס על תמורתו החשובה להמאמר. אפריון נמטייה לידידי הרב צנא מלא ספרא, משנתו סדורה

כמר שאול יחזקאל רייכמאן שליט"א על עזרתו בעריכת המאמר. ברכת התורה יחולו עליהם.

חיזוק

הרב חיים אהרן אונגאר

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