When we talk about childhood, we remember only fantasy

With these exceptions, I guess all childhood is fiction.

How much they drank.How many cups of coffee Mothers made.

to be sane.

like what Fathers wore. What they did every day

the same exact way

made up of mundane things:

Marian Passmore was born May 24th, 1933.

What do you mean?Well, I’m reading a book now,

but Ruth has the same one & it looks different.

On the front it says both books

are written by Mrs. Wilder & Ruth says on the inside

all her words are the same.

Yes...

Well they probably are, Sweetie.

What do you mean?Well, I’m reading a book now,

but Ruth has the same one & it looks different.

On the front it says both books

are written by Mrs. Wilder & Ruth says on the inside

all her words are the same.

Yes...

Well they probably are, Sweetie.

Writing books is hard! Mom & Dad don’t understand

my questions...

Never taught me this, either!

If I knew how to swear, I would have.

How does she make her ‘A’s look that way?

They didn’t teach me howin school...

I learned quickly.

Nicknamed Pass, I learned about sarcasm...

Sarnia

HamiltonCambridge (then, Galt)

BrantfordPort Arthur

Camp Kitchy*

Jesus, Weaver! Don’t sneak up on me

like that!

What’s the big deal? Didn’t hurt your

shoulder...

*AKA Camp Kitchikewana (Verduyn 25)

What do you want?

I’m bored. Thought I could keep you company during

Free Swim.

You should have thought again.

You’ve been teaching swimming here a long time

haven’t you, Pass?

This is my last year,

actually.

TERRY! stop splashing,

please.

You’ve been here much longer, haven’t you?

This might be my last year, too.

Oh, a writer I suppose. A student, still.

So what will you be

next summer, after High School’s

finished?

No thanks. My mom smokes.

Want a cigarette?

How does he keep his fingernails so clean

at camp?

A lady.

A lady? Maybe I will, too.

Don’t be stupid.

Don’t be presumptuous. You know what,

I think I’m a good match for you.

Why?

Well, our initials.

Our genitals?

Godammnit, our initials. They say my initials

will make me a good husband. Because of your initials.

Yeah. They say I’ll be a considerate husband & take care of my wife

because my first initial is a double-you. & that’s what “they”

say.

Well, my mother... but I was thinking about us

yesterday & I realized you and I aren’t that different.

You’ve said that already.

Our initials, though. Look:

Well, my mother... but I was thinking about us

yesterday & I realized you and I aren’t that different.

You’ve said that already.

Our initials, though. Look:

Fuck! Look what you

made me—

Shut up, shut up, she’s right down there!

Look at her! She has twins!

A double!

Let’s run!

You watch, you watch!

She’ll eat us first!

Mom, I’m cold!

Mom, I’m cold too!

We’ll eat her, we’ll eat her breasts

off!

William! Charlotte! I asked you not to

speak like that. I don’t like it.

mommom

mommom

Let’s run!

You watch, you watch!

She’ll eat us first!

Mom, I’m cold!

Mom, I’m cold too!

We’ll eat her, we’ll eat her breasts

off!

William! Charlotte! I asked you not to

speak like that. I don’t like it.

mommom

mommom

Bored!

Cold!Cold!

We want to go home and drink chocolate!

Bored!

I’m not cold Mom, I’m bored

Third person!

Charlotte: you’re not cold. You’re saying that because

William said he’s cold & you know he’s mad at you

for teasing about his new boots. William: you’re not cold,

you’re bored!

I’m not bored Mom,

I’m cold

OK, we’re going home. I asked you

both if you wanted

to go out & see the snow & now you’re being cruel to Mommy.

Yeah!

mom,who was

ruth?

well, you knew adoption

was an option.

hot!

chocolate!

hot!

chocolate!

mom,who was

ruth?

well, you knew adoption

was an option.

hot!

chocolate!

hot!

chocolate!

What do you mean, dear? Ruth is Angela’s girl.

You play together after Church.

Yeah, but in Sunday school we learned

about another girl in the Bible & Ruth said it wasn’t true

when I asked her.

It was Ruth too. She lived a long time ago.

Do you remember the story, Marian?

Yeah. Ruth loved

her mom a lot.

That’s right.

Mom, I’m sorry

about Church.

You know what you did

wrong?

I wasn’t nice to my teacher

and God.

You disrespected him by your actions. & your mother.

Mom, I’m sorry

about Church.

You know what you did

wrong?

I wasn’t nice to my teacher

and God.

You disrespected him by your actions. & your mother.

But mom, Ruth was being mean—

It doesn’t matter. “Turn the other cheek.”

Plus, she wasn’t being mean, she was just repeating something her mom said.

Mom, what do I do if she says it again?

Says what again, Pass?

The suffix “tion” would resonate with me the rest of my life...

I would see it in the straightness of my hair, missing from my mother and sister’s hair…

from Engel’s final notebook,9 july 1984

They Made me marian.

They Made me marian.