MEN, WOMAN AND THE MYSTERY OF LOVE

LOVE and RESPONSIBILITY by Father Karol Wojtyla (1960)

Pope John Paul II wrote this book in the late 1950’s in Eastern bloc, Soviet-dominated Poland. In his wisdom, he prophetically anticipated the needs our own post-sexual revolutionized Western world would face decades later.

PUTTING the PERSON FIRSTThe Personalist Principle

A person must not be merely the means to an end for another person.

We should never treat the people in our lives as mere instruments for achieving our own purposes.

People are capable of self-determination and can choose a course of action for themselves .

People can assert their “inner self” to the outside world through their choices.

The Personalist Principle (cont.)

Anyone who treats a person as the means to an end does violence to the very essence of the other.

What makes it so difficult to live out this basic principle for human relationships?

UTILITARIANISM The best human actions are those that are

most useful. Something is useful in so far as it maximizes

pleasure and comfort for me and minimizes pain and discomfort.

The underlying assumption is that happiness consists in pleasure. Therefore, I should always pursue whatever brings me comfort, advantage and benefit and avoid whatever may cause me suffering, disadvantage and loss.

UTILITARIANISM (cont.) The utilitarian view affects the way we

relate to one another. If my main goal in life is to pursue my own

pleasure, then I weigh my choices in life in light of how much they lead me to this goal.

Utilitarianism is so pervasive in the world today many people, including good Christians, may approach a relationship in terms of how useful a person is in helping them achieve their goals or how much fun they have with this person.

*THREE KINDS OF FRIENDSHIP BASED ON THREE KINDS OF AFFECTION

Friendship of Utility: the affection is based on the benefit or use the friends derive from the relationship. Each person gets something out of the friendship that is to his or her advantage, and the mutual benefit of the relationship is what unites the two people as friends. For example, work relationships.

Pleasant Friendship: the affection is based on the pleasure one gets out of the relationship. They have fun together. For example, teammates, live in the same dorm at school, like the same music.

THREE KINDS OF FREINDSHIPS (cont.)

Aristotle notes while useful and pleasant friendships are basic forms of friendship, they do not represent friendship in the fullest sense. Useful and pleasant friendships are the most fragile. They are the least likely to stand the test of time because when the mutual benefits or fun times no longer exist, there is nothing left to unite the two people.

VIRTUOUS FRIENDSHIP The third form of friendship is friendship in

the fullest sense. It is called virtuous friendship because the two friends are united not in self-interest but in the pursuit of a common goal: the good life, the moral life that is found in virtue.

The two friends are committed to pursuing something outside themselves, beyond each of their own self-interests. It is the highest good that unites them in friendship.

VIRTUOUS FRIENDSHIP (cont.)

The two friends strive side-by-side toward the good life and encouraging one another in the virtues, true friends are primarily concerned not with what they get out of the friendship but with what is best for the friend and with pursuing the virtuous life with that friend.

THE KEY John Paul II says the only way two human

persons can avoid using each other is to relate in pursuit of a common good, as in the virtuous friendship.

If the person sees what is good for me and adopts it as a good for himself, a special bond is established between me and this other person: the bond of a common good and of a common aim. This common aim unites people internally.

THREATS TO VIRTUOUS FRIENDSHIP IN MARRIAGE

When we don’t live our relationships with this common good in mind, we inevitably will treat the other person as a means to an end, for some pleasure or use.

In marriage there is a temptation to be self-centered, to want our spouse and children to conform to our plans, schedules and preferences.

THEATS TO VIRTUOUS FRIENDSHIP IN MARRIAGE (cont.) John Paul II reminds us that true

friendship, especially in marriage, must be centered on the bond of a common aim.

In Christian marriage, that common aim involves the union of the spouses, the spouses serving each other and helping each other grow in holiness, and the procreation and education of children.

THEATS TO VIRTUOUS FRIENDSHIP IN MARRIAGE (cont.) Our own individual preferences and agendas

should be subordinated to these higher goods. Husband and wife must be subordinated to

each other and to the good of their children, working to prevent any selfish individualism from creeping into their marriage.

As a team, husband and wife work toward this common aim and discern together how best to use their time, energy and resources to achieve those common goals of marriage.

THE FUTURE’S SO BRIGHT I GOTTA WEAR SHADES

John Paul II tells us that being united in this common good helps spouses ensure that one person is not being used or neglected by the other. “When two different people consciously choose a common aim this puts them on a footing of equality, and precludes the possibility that one of them might be subordinated to the other.”

Maria & TonyWedding Day 1983

Maria & Tony30th Anniversary 2013

THE END