Message from the Hon. Secretary

Summer is here albeit briefly, and the next major event on the sailing calendar is the National Championships at Looe from August 21st till 26th.

Your Hon. Sec., Bill, has just moved house. This time, to be with Nan and his family and finally becomes an apprentice Welshman. He has said that he is happy to carry on as Redwing Sec. so long as that's OK and nobody wants to chuck him out. He has indicated that he will try and devote more time to Redwing related business than he has in the last 12 months. Best wishes and Happy Sailing Bill Dowell

Fleet NewsLooe

The Looe fleet are all geared up and ready for annual battle. Cecil DuValle tells me that Looe bay has been awash with Redwings ever since the approach of Easter 2005. Rain, sleet or snow did not deter the fearless few who were intent on testing the quantity of rain or windchill factor that a Redwing or its crew could stand. As well as having club trophies in mind the racing skills are sharpened with the knowledge that the renowned National Redwing Championships are to be held in Looe in 2005, the birthplace of the Redwing Dinghy.

Legendary sail numbers 245, 205, 183, 198, 246, 200, 243 and 201 to mention but a few have been heard calling "Starboard!" and "No-water!" most Thursdays and Saturdays. All this is to get primed and ready for the Welsh and English competitors who challenge, yet again, the Looe 'Mafia'. A good turnout from Looe is guaranteed for the championship this year and a great Redwing reunion party both on water and on land will be had. At Looe its… "Red Sails To The Wind"…

Tenby

However well prepared the 'Looe Mafia' may be, are they ready for the Welsh challenge from Tenby? Both R195, Mike and Deanna

and R244, Rolly now crewed by the awesome Tommy, (Southwest area SC champion and Welsh Youth Squad member) have been vying for the top spots with Rolly and Tommy getting the edge in the last few weeks run-up to the championships. A supporting 'team' from Tenby of R219 (aka R95) R221, R178 and R228 to name but few, is expected.

Some more Boat News..Redwings continue to re-appear. We have heard that R199 'Sparkle' has been bought by enthusiasts and should be back on the water soon. Your Hon. Sec's first boat, R19 'Gleam', has been seen on eBay and is actually available for sale from Ken Joy. There are very few more details available but it is understood that, according to another chap who has seen her, she 'needs some work'. Maybe there is a business to be had restoring all these old Redwings?….I wonder?.. We get a few enquiries like this, normally by email.. "I've just bought a Redwing and I need some sails/trailer/rudder/other advice…" "Yes!, What sail number or name is she?" "Oh! it doesn't have a number. And its about 12/15/16 feet long with oars/an outboard motor/gunter rigged/with blue/white sails/with a curved stempost - but its definitely a Redwing 'cos its clinker-built!" "Sorry I'm afraid she's not." is the standard, polite reply.

And Finally…....... we would like to wish all of you a happy summer's sailing and look forward to the annual National Championships where old acquaintances will be reunited again for, hopefully, an excellent week's sailing and socialising.

Trafalgar 2005

We are not celebrating any particular anniversaries this year in the Redwings, as far as I know, but 200 years ago the Battle of Trafalgar took place. Here is some amusing history for you…

Nelson's famous victory at Trafalgar in 1805 would be a very different affair in today's politically correct Britain. With thanks to the fans of Lord Nelson, and to its anonymous author, here's how that famous conversation would probably go today.

Order the signal, Hardy.

Aye, aye, sir.

Hold on, that's not what I dictated to the signal officer. What's the meaning of this?

Sorry, sir?

England expects every person will do his duty, regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, religious persuasion or disability.' What gobbledegook is this?

Admiralty policy, I'm afraid, sir. We're an equal opportunities employer now. We had the devil's own job getting `England' past the censors, lest it be considered racist.

Gadzooks, Hardy. Hand me my pipe and tobacco.

Sorry, sir. All naval vessels have been designated smoke-free working environments.

In that case, break open the rum ration. Let us splice the mainbrace to steel the men before battle.

The rum ration has been abolished, Admiral. It's part of the Government's policy on binge drinking.

Good heavens, Hardy. I suppose we'd better get on with it. Full speed ahead.

I think you'll find that there's a 4mph speed limit on this stretch of water.

Dammit, man, we are on the eve of the greatest sea fight in history. We must advance with all dispatch. Report from the crow's nest, please.

That won't be possible, sir.

What?

Health and Safety have closed the crow's nest, sir. No harness. And they say that the rope ladder doesn't meet regulations. They

won't let anyone up there until a proper scaffolding can be erected.

Then get me the ship's carpenter without delay, Hardy.

He's busy knocking up a wheelchair access to the fo'c'sle, Admiral.

Wheelchair access? I've never heard anything so absurd.

Health and Safety again, sir. We have to provide a barrier-free environment for the differently abled.

Differently abled? I've only one arm and one eye and I refuse even to hear mention of the word. I didn't rise to the rank of admiral by playing the disability card.

Actually, sir, you did. The Royal Navy is under-represented in the areas of visual impairment and limb deficiency.

Whatever next? Give me full sail. The salt spray beckons.

A couple of problems there, too, sir. Health and Safety won't let the crew up the rigging without crash helmets. And they don't want anyone breathing in too much salt - haven't you seen the adverts?

I've never heard such infamy. Break out the cannon and tell the men to stand by to engage the enemy.

The men are a bit worried about shooting at anyone, Admiral.

What? This is mutiny.

It's not that, sir. It's just that they're afraid of being charged with murder if they actually kill anyone. There are a couple of legal aid lawyers on board, watching everyone like hawks.

Then how are we going to sink the Frenchies and the Spanish?

Actually, sir, we're not.

We're not?

No, sir. The French and the Spanish are our European partners now. According to the Common Fisheries Policy, we shouldn't even be in this stretch of water. We could get hit with a claim for

compensation.

But you must hate a Frenchman as you hate the devil.

I wouldn't let the ship's diversity co-ordinator hear you saying that, sir. You'll be up on a disciplinary.

You must consider every man an enemy who speaks ill of your King.

Not any more, sir. We must be inclusive in this multicultural age. Now put on your Kevlar vest, it's the rules.

Don't tell me - health and safety. Whatever happened to rum, sodomy and the lash?

As I explained, sir, rum is off the menu. And there's a ban on corporal punishment.

What about sodomy?

I believe it's to be encouraged, sir.

In that case - kiss me Hardy.