A6 FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 6, 2013 IDAHO STATE JOURNAL

isj FORUMFORUM

Redskins’ name may offend only tribes

DOONESBURY FLASHBACKS BY GARRY TRUDEAU MALLARD FILLMORE BY BRUCE TINSLEY

THANKS TO CITY WORKERS

I would like to express my appreciation and grati-tude to the personnel from the city of Pocatello who enabled the rescue of my dog, Lady, from the irriga-tion ditch on my property on Aug. 20. The Water Department, Fire Department, police and animal control were all instrumental in the rescue. A special thanks to friends and neighbors, Mr. and Mrs. Bruce Murdock for their help and support during the ordeal. Lady is happy and healthy, thanks to the efforts of all who partici-pated. A heartfelt thank you

from both of us. Carl James and Lady, Pocatello

HEADSTONE VANDALS

Do you know anyone mean enough to shoot out the picture on a man’s headstone at the Pocatello city cemetery? Steven Rex Clayson was a husband, a father, a son and a brother, and he had bushels of friends. Steve was killed in a construction accident down at the Gap on July 5, 1990, and this picture had been taken in February on his 42nd birthday. Why would anyone want to use it for target practice? His mom, Dorothy Clayson

Sargent, Pocatello

THANKS TO RAHIMS The board of directors for the Greater Pocatello Senior Center would like to take this opportunity to thank Drs. Fahim and Naeem Rahim for the won-derful donation given to the senior center. Our senior center pro-vides lunch five days a week and breakfast two days a week. We also have numerous activities that provide socialization and healthy living. We really appreciate your donation.

Greater PocatelloSenior Center,Shirley Heer,

Board member,Pocatello

y o u r l e t t e r sy o u r l e t t e r s

Miley’s act will ‘achy breaky’ the bank

They say that count-ing sheep will help you fall asleep,

which could possibly be true if you have a flock of mutton mutes and the entire mob is not throw-ing an all-night kegger in your campsite well on its way to polishing off its third cask of Woolite.

This is precisely what I experienced on a re-cent camping trip.

I don’t know much about sheep but with all that ruckus going on I would say that Mary had a little lamb, and she was bleating a tweet about how her ram was on the lam, and she felt that she’d been sheared of all self-respect and felt fleeced, and that really gets her goat and baa, baa, baa.

I swear the campsite was totally quiet when I moved in, but right at bedtime, as if the woolly buggers were waiting for their cue, they let out a ca-cophony more irritating than a medley of Video Music Award winners.

Where’s a darn wolf pack when you need it?

Just as the sheep were bleating and baaing over apparently nothing all night long, the recent stir in the blogo-sphere over the Miley Cyrus’ perfor-mance at the VMA show does not make any sense to me. Some people com-plained because they watched the show with their children and now the kids want to wear their hair in pigtails too.

Shocking? Yes, but not so much when one considers the option of a mullet as made popular by Miley’s dad Billy Ray. As you who follow such things know, she was born Destiny Hope, but Billy felt that was too hick- sounding, so changed her name to Mi-ley Ray Cyrus.

Of course, we all remember Billy’s hit single “Achy Breaky Heart,” which started the line dancing craze, a dance in which people attempt to dance in a line after drinking a 12-pack and see

how many toes they can stomp with their cowboy boots.

The Oak Ridge Boys first considered record-ing the song but wanted to change the name to “Acutely Painful Handle-with-Care Hollow Mus-cular Organ That Pumps The Blood Through the Circulatory System” so the recording company

balked since the song’s length would have increased to well over an hour, and line dancers would have gone into cardiac arrest.

The song was translated into 100 languages including the Saudi version “May Allah fill your heart with splin-ters and cast the shattered fragments into the fiery abode of the dead.”

Even the Chipmunks recorded their version of the hit, which many felt sounded less like a chipmunk than Cyrus’ original, plus a video featuring Alvin sporting a mullet.

Born in Flatwoods, Ky., which wel-comes visitors with a sign that reads “Home of Billy Ray Cyrus, father of Miley, Noah, Trace, Braison, Brandi, and any other kids in Kentucky with straight teeth, “Billy Ray began singing and twerking at age 4 and his parents, strict Pentecostals, were divorced an hour later.

Billy tried playing the guitar at a young age, but his gargantuan foam finger, an unsightly physical deformity handed down to Miley, made it impos-sible. As a struggling young musician, Billy Ray lived in his car, but eventu-ally his nonstop twerking completely demolished the interior so he moved out.

Twerking, for the uninitiated, is defined as “to dance in a sexually pro-vocative manner involving thrusting hip movements and a low, squatting stance” similar to the moves of an of-fensive lineman.

Billy Ray filed for divorce in 2010,

changed his mind, then his wife, seiz-ing her chance, filed, but they recon-ciled and now are “just one big happy twerking family” according to Billy.

Along with “Achy Breaky Heart” Billy also recorded “I Want My Mullet Back” which was inspired by the hor-rendous headline-grabbing incident when kidnappers held his hair for ran-som, agreeing to release it unharmed only if radio stations would promise to never play “Achy Breaky” again.

Cyrus secured his spot in the Guin-ness World Records by having fathered two children by two different women the same year without being married, a rare feat even in Kentucky.

Some critics consider “Achy Breaky Heart” as one of the worst songs of all time, reaching No. 2 on VH1’s “50 Most Awesomely Bad Songs Ever.” But from following Miley Cyrus’ career, she ap-pears determined to leapfrog over dear old dad and claim the No. 1 spot.

Miley of course was the Disney darling earlier in her career, but now she appears to be striving to be Goofy, Daffy and Dopey all wrapped up into one. Why, in the old days, Walt Disney use to get upset if Annette Funicello’s mouse ears were crooked, and I’m sure that he would have died on the spot if Cinderella had twerked the handsome prince at the grand ball.

One thing is for sure: Hannah, you’re not in Montana anymore.

Mike Murphy lives in Pocatello. He teaches high school English and is a member of the adjunct faculty at Idaho State University. He plans to retire as soon as he pays off his 1994 Dodge van.

LETTERSn Letters must include the writer’s name, address and phone number for verification. Limit letters to 300 words or less. All letters are subject to editing and the Journal reserves the right to publish/not publish submissions.

n Send letters to Editor Ian H. Fennell at 305 S. Arthur, Pocatello, ID 83204 or editor@journalnet.com. Letters can also be dropped off at the Journal’s office or faxed, (208) 233-8007.

COMMENTARYMIKE MURPHY

What do you think?To comment on this column, visit

our Politics Blog.

www.Idahostatejournal.com

To comment on this editorial, visit idahostateJournal.com.

Have your sayidahostatejournal.com

IdahoStateJournal

Serving southeast Idaho since 1892

EDITORIAL BOARD

Ian FennellManaging editor

Lyle Olson, Editorial writer

Mike O’Donnell Assistant managing editor

The editorials on this page are written by Journal Editor Ian H. Fennell, Assistant Editor Michael H. O'Donnell and former Journal Editor Lyle Olson. Helping us to develop ideas for the editorials is an advisory board consisting of Journal Publisher Andy Pennington and community mem-bers Dick Sagness, Marjanna Hulet, Evan Frasure, Randy Spencer, Tim Forhan, Karen Johnston and Dan Cravens.

Teton High School in Eastern Idaho has shelved, for the time being at least, a movement to drop Red-skins as the name of the school’s teams. The decision followed ob-

jections voiced by a crowd of patrons who didn’t like plans by the school superinten-dent to drop the nickname because some, in-cluding a Fort Hall delegation, considered it offensive to Indian tribes. But the issue has legs, and not just in Idaho. One example: Port Townsend High School in Washington state this year dropped Red-skins from the school’s team names and mascot after nearly 90 years. The local community will be invited to be part of the process to choose a new name and mascot. Redskins will be retired with honor and dig-nity, said a school board member. But what happened in Port Townsend will not happen in Washington, D.C., if the owner of the NFL’s Washington Redskins has his way. Owner Dan Snyder has vowed never to change the football team’s name, though an American Indian tribe in upstate New York is launching a radio ad campaign pressing the Washington Redskins to shed the name as offensive. The Oneida Indian Nation says the first ad will run on radio stations in Washing-ton before the team hosts the Philadelphia Eagles in its season opener Monday night. Oneida Nation Representative Ray Halbrit-ter says NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell should “stand up to bigotry” by denouncing “the racial slur” in the team’s name. “We do not deserve to be called Redskins,” the Oneida leader says in the ad. “We de-serve to be treated as what we are — Ameri-cans.” Well, come now. “The name from its origin has always in-tended to be positive and has always been used by the team in a highly respectful man-ner,” says NFL spokesman Brian McCarthy. As for the Oneida tribe, which runs a ca-sino and resort in central New York, it puts its money where its mouth is, giving $10,000 toward new jerseys to an area high school, which changed its nickname from Redskins to Hawkeyes. As for the folks in Driggs, they are entitled to use any team nickname they choose — most patrons find nothing offensive in the present name and its history in the com-munity. Maybe the tribes see things from a different perspective, but they haven’t been complaining about at least three other high schools in the state using the Indians moniker. There are some other questionable names as well. Salmon High School has the Savages, and Orofino is home to a state mental hospi-tal, which lends legitimacy to the high school nickname — the Maniacs.

C2 SUNDAY, JULY 21, 2013 IDAHO STATE JOURNAL

isj FORUMFORUM

Zoo will bea nicer place

Sign will recall Chief’s glory

GLOBAL WARMING This past June, Presi-dent Obama issued an executive order for the Environmental Protec-tion Agency, EPA, to start regulating carbon dioxide emissions. The coal com-panies are calling this a war on coal, and the Heri-tage Foundation projects that this will cause the loss of 500,000 jobs and cost $1.65 trillion off of national income. With the federal gov-ernment borrowing 46 cents out of every dollar it spends, the American economy is near a tripping point. With the implemen-tation of Obamacare and now this cost, the Ameri-can economy will likely fail. It is time that we have a serious national debate before this transpires. The global warming be-gan in 1910, and stopped in 1990 or 23 years ago, according to the RSS, Re-mote Sensing System sat-ellites, and global cooling started in 1998 or 15 years ago. So what is climate change, global warming or global cooling, and which one do we fix. Carbon dioxide is a greenhouse gas, but it is only a trace gas in the atmosphere. During the global warming period from 1910 to 1990, carbon dioxide level increased from 0.0285 percent to 0.0385 percent or an aver-age of 0.0001 percent per year. This is such a minus-cule amount that after 100 years of accumulation, it is still irrelevant to water vapor, the controlling greenhouse gas. The carbon cycle is a well-established scientific

fact in which carbon diox-ide is continuously being produced by nature and consumed by nature. The main sources of carbon dioxide come from volca-

noes, fissures, wildfires, burning of fossil fuels and respiration. But the primary source is the decomposition of organic materials by mi-croorganisms in both the soil and the oceans. Only 4 percent of this carbon di-oxide produced each year is attributed to human sources. In the carbon cycle, ap-proximately 60 percent of the carbon dioxide is consumed by the land plants and 40 percent is absorbed by the ocean water and consumed by ocean plants. The colder the ocean water tempera-tures, the more carbon dioxide is absorbed. In natural global warming, the rising temperatures cause the decomposition rate by mi-

croorganisms to increase and the ocean absorption rate to decrease, resulting in a net increase of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere (0.0001 percent per year). Therefore, increasing levels of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere do not cause global warming. It is just the other way around. Global warming and global cooling are a nat-ural-occurring phenom-ena. However, judge for yourself if anthropogenic (human-caused) global warming is not a total hoax. Also consider this, do you want to accept our national economy collaps-ing, our jobs disappearing and our electric utility rates soaring for a hoax. Darrell Dougherty, Pocatello

y o u r l e t t e r sy o u r l e t t e r s

Peek-a-boo, everyone sees youThe headline-

hogging incident involving Edward

Snowden is just the most recent chapter in the great American tradition of spying. For example, it has long been common practice for baseball players to spy on the opposing catcher and steal his signs to the pitcher. In football, there are coaches who disguise themselves as cheerlead-ers and spy on the opponents’ prac-tices, as if anything a football team does could be so complicated you couldn’t figure it out five minutes after kick off.

However, the Snowden saga is more like the Spy vs. Spy comic in Mad Magazine, where the two agents quite often get caught look-ing at each other simultaneously through periscopes — just a bun-gling farce of espionage escapades.

First of all, just what did Snowden do for a job? He labels his position with the National Security Agency as “infrastructure analyst,” which sort of sounds like he’s really good with Legos. He is also a self-described “computer wizard.” Boy, we’ve all heard that one before, like the guy in the next cubicle at work who claims he can delete that graphic for you, and the next thing you know your entire report has been permanently replaced by a Su-per Mario game and ads for poker!

Recently, Snowden has been holed up in a Russian airport for nearly as long as it takes to fly from Chicago to Atlanta over Thanksgiv-ing. He claims that the hospitality has been outstanding as his Russian hosts have helped keep him up to date on the world scene, supplying him with daily newspapers covering the Nixon Watergate scandal and providing him generous discounts at the airport concession stand that features vodka and cow-tongue sal-ad, vodka and pig’s head meatloaf, all topped off with vodka and your

choice of cabbage or rutabaga pie.

But what will Snowden do for work if he eventually is able to collect enough frequent flyer miles to afford a flight to Latin America, his next goal? Fortu-nately, Bolivia has graciously offered to let him referee soccer matches. Seems they

have an extreme shortage of refs since the last two in South America were chopped into four pieces, decapitated, and then thrown into prison for life.

In another generous move, Julian Assange, founder of WikiLeaks, a company that makes adult diapers, has offered to share his British em-bassy broom closet apartment with Snowden if Ecuador should offer him asylum.

Speaking of our neighbors to the south, it is a mystery why we are spying on so many Latin American countries. Is it really worth the time and expense to discover that farmers in Costa Rica are secretly developing a self-peeling banana? Sure, but only if the process also removes those gross stringy things that cling to the peeled banana and get all tangled up in my Cheerios. And it’s already general knowledge that in Paraguay, instead of elec-tions, they hold regularly scheduled coup d’états, which are a lot less ex-pensive and avoid all of that mind-numbing campaign baloney.

Understandably, the Latin Ameri-can countries are outraged that their legitimate cocaine, marijuana, heroin and opium operations are being illegally spied upon. But wouldn’t it be even more upsetting if you were one of the two or three countries in the world not being spied upon? Isn’t this sort of a blow to their national pride — realizing that their country has no informa-tion or activity important enough to be sought after by other countries?

For example, you don’t see Tu-

valu on the list, possibly because Micronesians are so small that their activities cannot be monitored by any current satellite spy device. And what about the tiny South Pa-cific country Nauru, which is still occupied by forgotten Japanese WWII soldiers Larry-san, Curly-san and Moe-san, who have vowed never to surrender?

Even Canada did not make the spied-upon list, which one can under-stand since U.S. agents can simply disguise their voices and shout across the border, “What are you aboot to do, eh?” To which an alert Canadian will typically respond, “Are you a real Canuck or a hoser Yankee, eh?” And so on.

Let’s face it: We live in a society in which one day we are upset because classified government “secrets” have been leaked; the next day we are livid about “lack of transparency.” It is sort of like when Bieber and Gomez snap a cuddly photo of themselves with a cellphone, put it on Facebook, Twitter, Flickr, Linkedin, YouTube, etc. then are outraged that their privacy has been violated when the photo appears in newspapers’ gossip columns.

Personally, my government can spy on me all it wants because I have nothing to hide. OK, there was that one website that I accidentally went to which had a somewhat grainy video of hamsters wearing skimpy ballerina skirts twirling to “Call Me Maybe,” but other than that, I’m clean.

Mike Murphy lives in Pocatello. He teaches high school English and is a member of the adjunct faculty at Idaho State University. He plans to retire as soon as he pays off his 1994 Dodge van.

LETTERSn Letters must include the writer’s name, address and phone number for verification. Limit letters to 300 words or less. All letters are subject to editing and the Journal reserves the right to publish/not publish submissions.

n Send letters to Editor Ian H. Fennell at 305 S. Arthur, Pocatello, ID 83204 or editor@journalnet.com. Letters can also be dropped off at the Journal’s office or faxed, (208) 233-8007.

COMMENTARYMIKE MURPHY

What do you think?To comment on this column, visit

our Politics Blog.

www.Idahostatejournal.com

To comment on this editorial, visit idahostateJournal.com.

Have your sayidahostatejournal.com

IdahoStateJournal

Serving southeast Idaho since 1892

EDITORIAL BOARD

Ian FennellManaging editor

Lyle Olson, Editorial writer

Mike O’Donnell Assistant managing editor

The editorials on this page are written by Journal Editor Ian H. Fennell, Assistant Editor Michael H. O'Donnell and former Journal Editor Lyle Olson. Helping us to develop ideas for the editorials is an advisory board consisting of Journal Publisher Andy Pennington and community mem-bers Dick Sagness, Marjanna Hulet, Evan Frasure, Randy Spencer, Tim Forhan, Karen Johnston and Dan Cravens.

The Pocatello Zoo will eventually be known for more than a resident grizzly bear — and for its Port a-Potties. A combination of public and pri-

vate donors has raised a prospective total of about $700,000 to bring the Ross Park enclo-sure up to modern standards. “We are going to get a new entryway and the amenities our zoo visitors need to add a professional look to a professional zoo,” says Zoo Director Scott Ransom. One notable improvement will be a new per-manent restroom, which will be much appre-ciated by families. Also planned: a new snack bar and gift shop and enhancement of the bear exhibit. It’s enough to make one envious, especially Joe Willes, who directs the municipal band’s Sunday evening concerts at the band shell, which adjoins the zoo. “They are talking about hundreds of thou-sands of dollars,” Willes says. “We would like five gallons of paint for the band shell.” And perhaps some Eagle Scouts or Paintfest volunteers to help spruce up the 60-year-old band shell.

Pocatello once boasted four down-town movie houses, and the Chief Theater was the most impressive of them all. Opening in 1938, it drew movie stars to its premiere, and

seated viewers in luxurious comfort. It was reputed to be the best in Idaho. So many residents were utterly dismayed when the Chief, refurbished as a community theater after business fell off for Hollywood films, burned in 1993. Fortunately, the the-ater’s impressive neon sign featuring a feath-ered headdress was preserved, and will glow again — not adorning a film edifice, but as a beacon in downtown Pocatello. The 43-foot sign, placed in storage after the fire, will once again attract visitors to North Main Street as the first step in a Relight the Night campaign to restore and illuminate other lights downtown. The city was able to pay for the Chief proj-ect with money from the Standrod Trust, which is appropriate since it springs from another venerable structure. The landmark Standrod home had been donated to the city in 1986 and eventually was sold, with the re-ceipts placed in trust. “I can’t think of a better use,” said Council-man Roger Moore. If it were possible to make dreams come true, the Chief Theater would someday rise again. Until then, Pocatellans can console themselves for the loss of the theater with an iconic, brightly lit reminder of what once was.

isjInsIghtInsIghtIdaho state Journal sundaY, JanuarY 27, 2013 C3

HayesContinued from C1

It is unfortunate then, that there are some modernists who claim that these easily observed similari-ties of human experience equate to some sort of inherent dependency. Much of this line of reasoning comes from the discredited “his-tory of religions” school that was in vogue in the late 19th century into the middle of the 20th century, which sought to read a certain progressive view of culture into the religions of the world, past and present. One way in which this idea has become popularized is claiming that the life, death, and resurrection of Christ is somehow based on pagan mystery religions or Gnostic sects, with figures as diverse as Mithras, Osiris, Diony-sius, and Attis being postulated as “sources” for the Christian nar-rative. Sometimes this is also ex-panded to other religions such as Zoroastrianism because of a sup-

posed reliance of Judaism on Per-sian thought via the exile. Most of these supposed parallels are only such if the very loosest forms of similarity and definitions are uti-lized, and are often a case of trying to find what one wants to find. In the words of 20th century liberal historian Adolf Von Harnack, “By such methods one can turn Christ into a sun god in the twinkling of an eye, or one can bring up the leg-ends attending the birth of every conceivable god, or one can catch all sorts of mythological doves to keep company with the baptismal dove…the wand of “comparative religions” triumphantly eliminates every spontaneous trait in any reli-gion” (Quoted in “Reinventing Je-sus 227, by Komoszewski, Sawyer, and Wallace). It should be noted also that often the dependencies arrived at are the reverse of what skeptics are asserting, with pagan-ism trying to imitate Christianity!

For examples of this, let’s ex-amine two proposed sources for Christianity that appeared in the aforementioned article, Mithras and Zoroaster. Contemporary scholar-ship asserts that the Roman version

of Mithras (not in continuity with the Persian version earlier) arose in the 1st century A.D. in Turkey, and there are no features of what we know as Roman Mithraism exist-ing before 100 A.D (Komoszewski, Sawyer, and Wallace, 322-323). This is important, since Christianity was founded 60-70 years before this, meaning if there is any dependency, it is Mithraism reacting to the spread of Christianity. It also seems that Mithraism was a religion of the soldiers, meaning it did not spread among the masses like Christianity, and excluded women. Mithras also did not experience a death or resur-rection (at least not a true physical death, and the Tertullian reference to this is again much later, and based on his recollections), which eliminates much of the supposed Eucharistic/Sacramental paral-lels. The idea that Mithras quotes a parallel to John 6 in a sort of Eu-charistic celebration comes from a medieval text published by Cumont, meaning if there is any copying, it is Mithraism responding to Chris-tianity. It is true that Justin Martyr alludes to some sort of celebration in the mid-2nd century, but this is

again 100 years after the founding of Christianity, and no formula is included (for more on Mithras, see http://tinyurl.com/bzmgdyq).

When it comes to Zoroaster, there exists no scholarly consensus on who did the borrowing, with some arguing that the Persians learned from the Jews (such as Daniel or Ezekiel). Our primary source for Zoroaster, the Avesta, dates from the 4th century A.D., with our earli-est manuscript showing up in the 1200’s. There is also a huge range of dates regarding the figure of Zoro-aster himself, and given the late date of the main sources, one should not expect a consensus anytime soon.

Contrast this with the huge amount of manuscript evidence for the New Testament (over 5800 manuscripts, some dating to the 2nd century), and also how early books in the Old Testament contain the ideas supposedly borrowed.

The book of Job for example, is dated by many scholars to the di-vided Monarchy (over 300 years before the exile, and Gleason Ar-cher dates it back to Moses as the earliest book), and includes the figure of Satan, and the idea of the bodily resurrection (Job 19:26-27). The “devil-equivalent” in Zoroas-trianism is the dualistic opposite of the good god, which is not congru-ent with the Judeo-Christian world view, in which nothing can be the opposite of God, since everything derives from God (for more on Zoroaster, see http://tinyurl.com/al-trgkg). There is simply nothing like the Christian message, that of the creator Triune God of the universe (not finite “gods”) taking on flesh through His creative power for the salvation of man. Taking Christian concepts and reading them into the past, searching for similarities does not change this. Truly at the birth of Christ in Bethlehem, “the hopes and fears of all the years, are met in thee tonight.”

Aaron Hayes has a master's degree in theology and teaches church history and apologetics at Pocatello's Grace Lutheran Church.

OnlineTo comment on this story, visit the politics blog at idahostatejournal.com

Green BargerContinued from C1

There are also things that will please law enforcement. The capabilities of federal and state agencies to share back-ground check results will be enhanced, making it easier for police officers to track those who should not have guns (i.e., criminals and mentally ill peo-ple with violent tendencies).

Efforts to locate and stop those people will also be bet-ter supported. Law enforce-ment will be able to access the Department of Justice's report on lost and stolen guns in the near future and have been given the authority to run background checks on criminals and suspects before their seized guns are returned to them.

A majority of Americans are going to be pleased to learn that President Obama didn't wait around for the do nothing Congress to start the process of preventing gun violence. He took the first step because he understands the urgency of the situation. Our children and teens need protection now, not years from now.

President Obama also understands the concerns and fears of the American public. He listened to their wishes and beefed up law enforcement, put in place mechanisms to increase school security, took on men-tal health, and strengthened existing background check capabilities.

He wanted to do more but understands the limits of presidential power. In short, he cannot and did not legis-late. That is the job of Con-gress, whom he called upon to pass laws to ban assault weapons, limit the size of ammunition clips, and crack-down on illegal gun sales. The ball is in their court.

Many political pundits, pro-gun advocates, and NRA of-ficials have spent a lot of time in recent days speculating on what President Obama was going to do about gun violence. The hue and cry bordered on hysteria on the part of a few whose deep-seated fear that the President is taking a first step toward dictatorship with his gun control agenda was palpable at times. Surely, they can breathe easy now.

President Obama a dicta-tor? Not so much. He issued fewer executive orders dur-ing his first term (144) than the following Republicans issued in their first terms: Eisenhower (266), Reagan (213), George Bush, Sr. (166), and George W. Bush (173).

He also issued fewer than every modern Democrat president issued during their first terms: Kennedy (214), Johnson (325), Carter (320), and Clinton (200).

Susan Green Barger is a for-mer adjunct faculty member at Idaho State University.

OnlineTo comment on this story, visit the politics blog at idahostatejournal.com

You have no doubt noticed

that guns are in the news a lot lately. For example, around the country, peo-ple recently celebrated Gun/Teacher Apprecia-tion Day on which kids brought their teachers shiny, new guns instead of apples.

But by far, the main cause of this massive interest in guns is the report describing a Loui-siana woman’s recent marriage to an AK-47 which, of course, triggers the debate: Gun marriage — should it be legal-ized? Is it morally right? Although gun marriage is not currently legal in any states, it is legal to purchase a permit to own a gun. But what if the re-lationship develops into something more than just casual target shooting?

This particular wom-an’s story may be more common than we think. “My first love was a tas-er. It was a relationship full of electricity, though it ended in a shocking manner. I got home early from work one

evening and caught him in the act of cheating: he was plugged into the wall socket!

“It took a long time for me to get recharged

emotionally, but then I met Colt, a snub-nosed revolver. He was a per-fect fit in some ways, but his barrel was so short I just couldn’t get no sat-isfaction, to paraphrase the Stones. I should have done a background check on him and I would have found that he formerly was a starter pistol for track meets, so, shoot, this guy was obviously firing blanks.

“Next, there was Har-ry, a .44 Magnum. Wow, what a stud. But it did not take long to discover why his nickname was “Dirty.” He kept forget-ting to turn on his safety, so, of course, he would fire prematurely which really took its toll on our relationship. He was careless. He wanted to go out without his holster, and I would plead with him, ‘Look, we need pro-tection. At least wear a silencer.’ But to no avail.

“Even worse, Harry would go out by himself at night. He would sneak in late, but I could smell gun powder. I never knew whose holster he had been in. It eventu-ally deteriorated into one of those bang, bang, thank you, ma’am rela-tionships.

“After a couple of years, Harry was running out of ammunition, so a friend introduced me to her cousin, Winchester, a .30-06 hunting rifle. After cuddling his stock and feeling his long, sleek barrel — I knew this was the one for me. He was good looking, but, what a temper, certain things he would just go ballistic. So now I am single again, cruising the shooting range circuit, still aiming for Mr. Right Caliber.”

It is obvious from her story that there may be a place for legalized mar-riage between a woman and her gun. What about men? Is it possible for a man’s relationship with his gun to go this far? Man’s obsession with guns goes clear back to the prehistoric caveman period when Fred Flint-stone came home a day early from his Tyranno-saurus hunt and caught

Barney clubbing Wilma and dragging her away by the hair. Fred shot him dead. The obsession continues today.

Here is one man’s sto-ry. “I have always loved guns. I’ve watched the entire six-volume DVD set “Guns Gone Wild” countless times. My fa-vorite video is “Nuzzle My Muzzle.” I have a copy of the Ammo to Go 2013 Swimsuit Calendar with various handguns, rifles, bazookas seduc-tively posing, wearing nothing but skimpy hol-sters and see-through gun cases. A bit shock-ing, I know. Eventually, I realized that my gun and I were not just at-tached at the hip — it went much deeper.

“A short time back I registered with the on-line match making site “eArmory” and it wasn’t long until I discovered a 9 mm pistol in a little pink holster with the frills hanging down. I tell you, I immediately

got an itchy trigger fin-ger. I knew her handle would be a perfect fit, and I told my friends to scope her out. Now, we just like to hang out and listen to .38 Special and the Sex Pistols.”

Another male gun lover had a similar ex-perience. “It was sudden impact when I saw her hanging in the back win-dow of that pickup truck, and, boy, she had a nice rack. When I’m with her, it doesn’t take me long to reload. I’m crazy about her. I guess you could say I am pistol whipped. Oh, we’ve misfired a few times, like I got in trouble one night, hang-ing out at one of those gun shows. My wife gets jealous real easy, and, you know, at those gun shows, you get to fondle a lot of different guns.”

Listening to these gun lovers, it is obvious that gun marriage, in the long range, is a much safer choice than having mul-tiple gun partners.

Mike Murphy lives in Pocatello. He teaches high school English and is a member of the adjunct faculty at Idaho State Uni-versity. He plans to retire as soon as he pays off his 1994 Dodge van.

Have you hugged your gun today?OnlineTo comment on this story, visit the politics blog at idahostatejournal.com

Cancer patients need to be proactiveFor over seven

years now I’ve been managing

a rare and ultimately fatal form of cancer. Though slow-moving, in cases like mine where doctors cannot identify the primary source for certain, the patient is often at the Big Roundup in the Sky within six months. Yet, I’m still very much alive and kicking, writing my column and books, and trying to keep up with my eight-year-old grandson and five-year-old granddaughter.

There are hundreds of folks across the Inland Northwest each year confronted by can-cer. It is by no means always a death sentence, and each person diagnosed with the disease has to choose how to respond. My response is but one and while it works for me it may not work for others.

“What’s your secret?” many have asked.

I took the advice I had given clients for years: analyze the issue, develop a game plan, and employ it aggressively. In short, take charge and manage your care. Be proactive and positive, not reactive, passive and nega-tive.

In the process, I’ve developed some fundamentally simple rules, but they work — and what’s more, doctors and nurses seem to appreciate them.

“Know the enemy! Do your research.” With information available on the Internet one can quickly learn almost all there is to know about their can-cer, the most up-to-date treat-

ments, the ongoing trials of new drugs and therapies. For example, I brought to my doctor’s atten-tion an experimental procedure using Yt-trium-90 radioactive pellets which has shown great promise. Once we had secured

insurance approval, my doctor mastered the procedure himself, and the pellets were applied in September, 2006, with obviously satisfying results.

“Work out your plan of at-tack!” Develop with your doctor realistic steps to combat the can-cer and then stick to the game plan. As with any plan, review it periodically to see if it is deliver-ing the results you and your doc-tors believe are achievable.

“Stay on top of your care and know your file!” Familiarize yourself with all your tests; keep track of the results by asking for copies of all the reports on everything from your blood work to the CT and MRI scans. You cannot expect anyone else to be as thoroughly familiar with your file as you should be. Doctors and nurses have dozens of pa-tients and even in this digital age it is still difficult for them to keep track of everything. For exam-ple, there are certain “markers” by which doctors can measure progress or lack thereof. You should know those markers and ask for the measurements.

“Be patient, be polite, be pre-pared but be insistent!” Doctors and nurses are often overworked and their time is limited. They are also human and will respond much better to patience, respect

and a smile than to impatience, disrespect and whining. You can be polite and still be insistent on knowing and asking for answers. I have found it very helpful to send my doctors an e-mail or a fax just before I meet with them to let them know the issues and questions I have.

Most of the time they have read these missives and are pre-pared. Together we save each other time which is precious to us all.

“Work with staff, especially a doctor’s nurse!” Too many peo-ple insist on talking only to the doctor. Just as I’ve found over the years when lobbying mem-bers of Congress or a governor’s office, it is the support staff that usually really runs the opera-tion. Therefore, cultivating and working with staff always pays dividends. I work hard at making sure a doctor’s nurses know me, and I take the time to get to know them. Invariably they appreci-ate this sensitivity to their role and they turn into real allies and even advocates.

“Stay positive and stay busy!” While some question the power of positive thinking, I’ve found there’s no substitute for a positive mind-set and an active prayer life. We are all in God’s hands and accepting our ulti-mately terminal condition (and we are all terminal — it’s just a matter of when and how), but be-ing grateful for our many bless-

ings helps to keep perspective. One thing anyone can do is pen your life’s story, which can be passed on to your children. So do it. You’ll be glad you did and will find it therapeutic as well.

Following these few rules has enabled me to feel that while God has set the parameters, within that context, I am managing my care and taking responsibility. Hopefully, others too can benefit from these few rules.

A native of Kellogg, journalist Chris Carlson pens his column from his retirement home near Medimont in Northern Idaho. He is a former teacher and was press secretary to Gov. Cecil Andrus.

OnlineTo comment on this story, visit the community blog at idahostatejournal.com

COmmentarymike murphy

COmmentaryChris CarlsOn

While some question the poWer of positive thinking, i’ve found there’s no substitute for a positive mind-set and an active prayer life. We are all in god’s hands and accepting our ultimately terminal condition (and We are all terminal — it’s just a matter of When and hoW), but being grateful for our many blessings helps to keep perspective.